Oh, it's Chapter 69. How bout we celebrate with a longer chapter, yeah?
Fran betas, Dani, Ariel, and Gemma preread and you all are simply divine!
Couple of answers to some questions: I never came right out and said Bella's age (at least I don't think I have...I'll have to go back and check LOL) but she is around 26/27ish. Also, she arrived at the cabin in early to mid September, and Halloween passed on their first kiss, and this is a few weeks after that, so Thanksgiving is quickly approaching. Right now we're looking at approximately mid-November. :)
"It's all about the distribution of weight," Edward tells me after what could possibly be the millionth attempt of me flipping his incoming body onto the mat. He's spent the last hour trying to show me how to thwart an unwanted attack, careful not to trigger any memories that might set me back.
He had told me what he was going to do before he did it, making sure to tell me where he was going to put his hands before he placed them on my body. I had nodded, repeated to myself that it was Edward and not my husband, and while his touch didn't unnerve me, it still ended up being a maneuver I need more practice with.
I'm not saying I mind, considering it requires us to touch each other frequently, but it's definitely tiring the more and more we try.
"I know," I roll my eyes with a sigh. "I've heard you the first thousand times you've said it."
"One more time?"
"Okay," I answer with an exaggerated sigh, and the laugh I hear behind me tells me he knows I'm joking.
"Remember. When I come up behind you, you press your hips right into the middle of me. That's when it will make my hips lift, and when I start to rise, that's when you take my arm here," he warns me before he places his arm around my shoulder from behind, "and flip me over your shoulder."
"No matter how many times you say it, I'm not going to be able to do it."
"You will, Bella," Edward states encouragingly. "Just watch."
We get into place, and when he tells me he's going to place his hands over my mouth and around my shoulders from behind, I'm prepared. I feel his presence behind me before I feel his touch, and I do what he says and press myself into him.
I feel his hips lift against me from behind.
And I know I'm supposed to take him by the arm and flip him over my shoulder when I feel his weight start to balance unevenly behind me.
But the feel of him behind me feels too fucking good. It's the exact opposite of what I should be feeling if this moment were really happening, but the reality is that it's not happening right now. Right now, he's awakened a part of me that is screaming to be acknowledged, tired of being ignored.
But I promise him I'd try - and I do. Somehow I open my eyes, and with all my might, I pull down heavy on his arm, but I'm not well-practiced yet, and I feel us both go down, falling with a loud puff into the mats. We land next to each other, both of us laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, our limbs tangled together, all the proof we need of how close we were to nailing it.
It was the closeness that was our downfall. I was hyper-aware of his every move, his every touch igniting a fire in me stronger than my desire to kill my husband. And his breath on my neck and his hips resting against me from behind…
It is a miracle we didn't fall sooner.
Because now that he's here, lying next to me on the mat, I lose whatever restraint I have left.
And he does the same.
Our mouths meet in a feverish pace, my body naturally shifting beneath his as he hovers above me. His kiss is hungry, frenzied, and I need more of it.
I need more of him.
I'm tempted to tell him exactly that if I were able to form any coherent words, because, at that moment, he lowers his hips and presses them exactly where I want him. The gasp that leaves his mouth tells me I'm exactly where I need to be against his body, as well.
My eyes fly open, not in alarm, not in panic, but in disbelief that my body can produce a feeling of want so strong. So loud and clear. So inherently good.
Bold but clouded in my haze of desire, I move against him, wrapping a leg around his waist as he kisses down my neck, a soft groan filling my ears as it slips from his mouth. His lips are suddenly back on mine, and he swallows my whimper when his hips answer me back in return.
And we're moving, together, not caring about my past or my husband or anything but the pure need for each other. The rain pounds against the windows, but it goes unnoticed. The only sound I hear is Edward in my ear, his hands slipping beneath the bottom of my shirt as we roll against one another on the mats.
I'm barely able to catch my breath, his fingertips inching their way up my sides, until - nothing.
Edward pulls away suddenly, his chest heaving as he sits up next to me.
"I forgot to ask," he pants. "I'm so sorry, Bella."
"I would have stopped you if I was uncomfortable," I say, sitting up, so we're next to each other on the mat, "which I clearly was not."
"I don't know all of your story or everything he did to you," he says softly, reaching over to tilt my chin, so our eyes meet. "I can't let you see me the same way you see him."
I shake my head. "That will never happen, Edward." I find my way into his arms again. "Never."
I know for a fact it won't happen because later that night after Edward has walked me home for the evening, my husband is the last thing on my mind. Because when my hands slip beneath my blankets, slide under the shorts I put on for bed, it's Edward I think about as I rediscover myself. His laugh, his smile, the way he's always watching and concerned for my safety, the sound he makes when he's fighting his desire for me guides my fingers and helps me remember who I am.
And when I come, for the first time in too long for me to remember, the stars in my eyes are brighter than any I've ever seen.
Bella has to be sexually comfortable with herself before allowing any one else to ... experience it with her. These two though. LOVE THEM.
See you tomorrow!