2011
Sunnydale, California
Downtown: Couples Therapy Office: Session 11
In the weeks after their last session and the game of truth, Angel and Buffy have unofficially separated.
For a little more than two weeks, Angel had been living in his office at Wolfram & Hart. He had drawn up the papers at Buffy's request to file for an official separation, but he had not given them to her. Unable to take the final plunge, Angel easily fabricated some sort of excuse to draw out a little bit more time.
Their couples therapy sessions were coming to a close. Neither wanted to waste any more time on something that was breaking apart anyway.
Buffy and Angel both agreed to finish the twelve session and call it quits.
Seated on the couch a distance away from his wife, Angel couldn't stop staring at her. He drank her in as if he was never going to see her again. For weeks he's been struggling to try and talk to her. He didn't have a clue how to tell her that this separate and eventual divorce was the very last thing that he wanted.
Divorce was not what he wanted. He wanted her and their marriage.
"A few weeks ago we tried 'uninterrupted listening'." Angel's eyes snapped to Cordelia sitting in her usual chair in front of them. A notepad balanced on her lap and one leg hanging over her knee. "We're going to try it again." She said. "But, this time, Buffy, you will sit and listen and Angel, you're going to talk. Say whatever comes to mind. Buffy is here and she is listening to you." Angel remained quiet, staring at Cordelia. "Okay, how about you try looking at her and just talk."
Clearing his throat, Angel twisted his body to face Buffy. He struggled to find the words to explain his scattered thoughts. His dark eyes landed on her face.
She looked at him patiently. Her arms folded across her chest, legs casually crossed. The expression on her face remained impassive.
A number of thoughts swirled his mind. The first was about her beauty. Even with that pout on her face and the sadness in her eyes, Buffy was still the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. The second was his love for her. No matter how hard he tried and how much he loved her, it felt as if she was moving further away from him. The third was all of the why's.
Why did she love him? After everything, why hasn't she left him yet? Why was she still here? Why did force him to be here? Why didn't he want to walk away from the marriage?
"I don't know how to talk to you anymore." He finally said, feeling a bit of the weight on his shoulders begin to chip. "I can't call you a stranger. Every time I try, I can't seem to get the words out. I don't know… Tell me how to feel about you now."
Her brows thoughtfully pinched together. Buffy twisted her body to face him fully and bluntly asked, "Do you love me?"
Somehow taken back by the question, Angel stared at her.
"Do you love me?" Buffy repeated the question, her expression still impossible to read.
Angel swallowed and answered her truthfully. "More than anything."
"Then talk to me." The expressionless look on her face softened. "Let me in. The words… they don't need to make sense. But your silence is killing us. Of all the weapons that we've fought with, your silence is the most violent."
Chin quivered, tears welled in Angel's eyes. It was time to talk openly about the tragedy and face his responsibility. "It's my fault." His voice cracked as heartbreaking emotion overwhelmed him.
"What?" Buffy stared at Angel, shocked by his feelings of guilt. "No, Angel—"
"I can't talk about her." He interrupted her. His tears began to softly spill down his face. "I try so hard not to think about her because it's my fault. If I just stayed at that stop sign a few seconds longer or if I—"
Buffy's heart shattered for him. Unable to take this distance from him a moment longer, Buffy scooted closer to him on the couch. Her hands cradled his face. With the pads of her thumbs, Buffy wiped his fallen tears away. "Angel, none of this is your fault. Is that what you thought all this time? That I blame you?"
His violent anger, the reluctance to mention their daughter's name, his distance, everything of the last two years suddenly clicked in Buffy's head.
Frowning, Angel lifted his eyes to her face. "I'm the father. I'm supposed to protect my family. I'm supposed to protect my daughter." More tears streamed from his eyes and down his cheeks.
Stroking the side of his face with the backs of her fingers, Buffy shook her head as her own tears streamed down her cheeks. "You aren't to blame. Honey, you did nothing wrong."
"I could've waited." Angel exhaled a sob and squeezed his crying eyes closed.
"No, Angel, no." She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his. "Never. Not once. Not for a single second did I ever blame you."
Angel closed the space between their mouths, kissing her.
The kiss lasted only a few seconds when Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly in her arms. Angel buried his face into the crook of his neck. His fingers tightened around her, overwhelmed by the unstoppable emotion pouring out of him. He had been holding all of this in for far too long.
Buffy cried with him, holding him tightly. Into his ear, she whispered words of love and her fingers affectionately combed through his dark hair.
Having been watching the couple from the outside, Cordelia did not dare interrupt them. This was a major step taken for the couple. In all caps, Cordelia wrote 'BREAKTHROUGH' on the notepad. She underlined the word several times, pleased by their major progress.
Later
Crawford Street: O'Connor Residence
Opening the front door of their home on Crawford Street, Angel followed his wife inside the home.
Angel took off his black wool coat and held out his hand for Buffy to pass him her own coat. He hung them on the hook and followed her into the living room.
They had more to say to one another now that they were talking openly again. Although, the car ride home was a silent one, Buffy and Angel held each other's hand and snuck glances at one another.
For the first time in two years, they felt the familiar bond between them that had always been there.
Sitting down on the couch, Buffy lifted her chin and blew out a soft sigh. As if the dark clouds over their heads parted and the sunshine broke through once again, Buffy felt different. She felt lighter and unburdened.
Angel must've felt the same because the corners of his mouth tugged into a slanted boyish smile. He reached out his hand and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.
Buffy gently smiled at him, amazed at how easily he could reassure her and make her feel so loved with such a simple gesture. As she looked into his eyes and felt that tingle in her womb.
Their lips found each other and they began to kiss. Buffy's hands came up to his head and she began to run her fingers through his short hair. Angel tenderly stroked her back as he leaned into her, overcome with desire. A little voice deep inside his head began to nag at him that he and Buffy weren't supposed to be doing this. The therapist recommended them to use their words. But this felt different. It didn't feel dark, seedy, and emotionless like before, kissing her felt right.
Breaking the kiss, Buffy panted. "Angel, maybe we shouldn't."
Weaving his fingers through her long blonde hair, Angel shook his head. "It doesn't feel like before."
Buffy shook her head. "No, it doesn't." Her hand touched the left breast of his chest. "I feel you again."
Angel covered her mouth with his own in a passionate and hungered kiss.
For weeks of being deprived of her kisses and years of feeling nothing but numbness, Angel needed all of her.
Abruptly, Buffy broke the kiss.
Angel's heart pounded in panic, hoping that he wasn't asking for too much. He had thought they were one the same wavelength.
Standing from the couch, Buffy held out her hand for him to take.
Smirking, he took her hand and allowed her to lead him to their bedroom, where they took their time, kissing and pulling each other's clothes off until they were both nude, their arms wrapped around each other, standing in the middle of her room.
Appreciatively, Buffy ran her hand over Angel's well-muscled arms. She was tired nursing a seriously broken heart. She wanted her husband back, she wanted to move forward. Buffy was determined to make this work.
They found themselves on the bed, limbs entangled as their mouths mated desperately, the desire to take their time quickly being overruled by their need to be intimately joined. And then he was inside her, but instead of them both working towards finding release, they just moved, their bodies sliding against each other in an almost primal way.
As he slowly thrust in and out of her welcoming body, Angel rested his forehead against Buffy's, occasionally placing a hot kiss on her mouth. Neither said a word, just expressed all their feelings with looks and actions.
Eventually, nature took its course and Angel's thrusts sped up. He reached a hand between their bodies and lightly stroked her distended nubbin. Less than a moment later, Buffy was crying out and arching her back as an orgasm slammed through her.
Angel allowed the enhanced pleasure of her vaginal muscles squeezing him to bring him over the edge as well, moaning her name as he spilled his seed deep inside her womb. He collapsed on top of Buffy, who gently stroked her fingernails in invisible patterns over his back while Angel calmed down.
Laying on her shoulder, Angel tilted his head upwards, looking at her face. Buffy lowered her chin, caressing the side of his face. She shifted closer and kissed him.
Shifting off of her, Angel wrapped her into his arms. Buffy laid her head on his chest and exhaled a breath of relaxation.
She tilted her head upwards and lost herself into the deep depths soulful gaze. Everything suddenly slid back into place. Something had absolutely changed at their therapy session today.
"We'll make it work, right?" Buffy asked, her voice still sounding a bit apprehensive as if everything would revert back to the way it was.
Feeling her fear, Angel pushed her hair back from her shoulder. "We will."
Comforted by his affirmation, Buffy closed her eyes, snuggling deeper into his chest. "Oh, I'm so sleepy, but I still want…"
"What?" The smile on Angel's face widened. "You couldn't possibly... Not that I wouldn't…"
"No, no. I'm spent. Pleasantly numb even. You?" She looked at him, memorising the smiling look on his face.
"For now." He replied, kissing her mouth again. "Sleep."
"No, I want to stay awake so this day can keep happening."
Taking her hand resting on his chest, Angel kissed her fingers. His other arms wrapped around her back tightened. "We'll make another one like it tomorrow and the day after that… and the day after that..." He planted a kiss on the top of her head.
Sleepily, Buffy struggled to keep her eyes opened. It had been a long while since she felt so at ease, the years of trauma and stress finally relinquished from her shoulders made her exhausted. "Angel? I love you."
Kissing her forehead, Angel whispered, "Is breá liom tú i gcónaí, a ghrá (I love you always, my love)." He held her tightly, resting his cheek over the top of her head.
Early Evening
Laying in bed watching his love sleep, the tips of Angel's fingers yearned to reach out and touch her. But he did not have the heart to disturb her slumber.
It had been a very long time since he had seen her so relaxed.
Grateful for her, Angel knew if it wasn't for his wife and her belief in their love and bond, they wouldn't have lasted as long as they have.
Angel slowly accepted now that the accident was not his fault. He had done everything right in the moments leading up the crash.
Now that he's accepted this, it was time to move forward with Buffy forever at his side. She has always been his strength.
Sitting up in the bed, Angel carefully kicked off of the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Standing up tall, he reached over to a chair at the corner of the room where he kept folded pajama pants and a t-shirt.
Clothed, Angel quietly walked out of the master bedroom and headed down the dark hallway to Katie's bedroom.
It's been two years since Angel had last stepped foot in the child's bedroom.
Much of her things had been destroyed in his fit of rage the day of her funeral. Buffy had since straightened up the room but it was mostly bare now, except for a few things she salvaged during his violent and destructive rampage.
Picking up a brown stuffed bear, Angel sat down on the edge of the child's twin bed. He hugged the bear into his chest and looked down at the stuffed animal.
"Hi, Katie girl." He whispered, still looking at the bear. "I'm sorry I've been so quiet and distant lately. None of that is your fault or your mother's." He sighed, closing his eyes and tilting back his head. "I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for her. To tell you a secret, she's always been the strong one between us. I'm trying to be better."
Unbeknownst to him, Buffy stood in the doorway. Her arms wrapped around her slender body, silently listening to him.
"I think I'm getting better. I can't lose her like how I lost you. We just… we just miss you very much." He softly said to the bear as if it were his daughter.
Buffy wore a sad smile on her face.
"Do you think she hears us?" He asked, lifting his eyes to Buffy.
Pushing herself from leaning against the doorframe, Buffy crossed the short distance to him. She sat down on the small bed beside him and eyed the bear in his hands. "I like to think so." She said. "Otherwise, I probably sound like an insane-o person, 'cause I talk to her as if she's in the room."
Angel smirked. "Do you remember the carnival where she got this?" He asked, studying the stuffed animal for a minute.
The memories of that day were clear in Buffy's mind. She began to smile. "You were so determined to win it for her at that water gun game."
Silent, Angel placed the stuffed bear aside and took Buffy's hand in her lap. "I'm sorry, Buffy."
"You have nothing to be sorry for." She told him, kissing the back of his hand holding her own.
"I do." Angel said, his eyes focused on her face. "I'm sorry for quitting. I'm sorry for leaving you stranded to mourn by yourself. Of all the terrible things I've done and said to you in the last two years, you never stopped believing in us. You fought for us. I love you. I've always been so in love with you, Buffy. I'll be better. I'll be a better husband—a better man that's worthy of you."
Removing her hand from his, the pads of Buffy's fingers caressed his cheek. "Angel, you've always been worthy of me and our love. Just please... never go off and walk away without me."
Twisting his body to face her entirely, Angel took her hands and stared deep into her green eyes. "My goal for our future is to never go a day without telling you how much I love you. How much I appreciate you. And how much I need you. My next goal is to never stop growing with you. I want to heal with you, make love to you, and hopefully have more children with you—if that's something that you want."
Tearfully, Buffy smiled. "More than anything, that's what I want."
They kiss.
Breaking the kiss, Angel pressed his forehead to hers. "I love you, forever." He held her face between his hands.
"Forever. That's the whole point." Buffy whispered back, grinning ear to ear.
Angel covered her mouth, passionately kissing his beloved. Their future remained hopeful and bright as if everything was going to be okay.