Whoops. I messed up yesterday and only included half of the chapter in yesterday's update LOL. Not to worry, I added it to the beginning of this one, which means today's update will be longer. Woohoo!
Fran betas, Dani, Ariel, and Gemma preread, you rock, read, and review, and I unknowingly cut chapters in half. Seems accurate.
A few more minutes pass by, and I'm aware how Edward remains here, waiting for me to feel comfortable enough to talk about it. "I froze. He was here and waiting for me, and I froze. All of this," I motion towards his spare room where we have our sessions, "was for nothing."
"Hey, hey. Listen," Edward coaxes, shifting so I can look at him, "none of this is for nothing. Do you not see how strong you've gotten over the last few weeks? You're amazing."
He moves a piece of hair out of my face, his features softening as he makes sure I'm okay.
I shake my head. "I'm not, though. I let a man beat me and control me and imprison me for years, Edward. I'll never escape him," I say angrily at myself.
"You already have. And this was just a dream, Bella. It's not indicative of the machine you've become."
A laugh escapes my lips at his words. I smile once I've finished laughing, playing with the sleeve of his shirt as I start to feel the tension leave my body. "A machine, huh?"
He nods. "I'm not just saying that."
"I know."
We fall into a comfortable silence, and though I'm still terrified to close my eyes, I can feel myself start to drift.
"Can I ask you a question?" Edward asks when I'm on the brink of falling asleep again in his arms.
"Hmm?" Is all I can muster.
"Come back home to spend Thanksgiving with us?"
"With you and your mom?" I ask sleepily, though his question has me sitting up on the couch next to him so I can see him better.
Edward nods. "Yeah, just in town. Not far from here," he answers.
Sighing, I nestle myself into his side again, his warmth and physical presence next to me helpful in forgetting the nightmare I had not too long before.
"I don't know," I reply. "I wouldn't want to intrude."
"Intruding would be the last thing you would do," Edward says, moving so he can catch my eye. He gives my arm a gentle squeeze. "I want you there with me. I couldn't leave you here by yourself on Thanksgiving, anyway. Especially now that I know about this."
"About what?" I ask.
He doesn't give me a straight answer but instead puts his answer in the form of his next question. "Do these happen often? The nightmares?"
"Not really, no. And not recently," I add, squeezing his hand in my own. He squeezes back in understanding. Apparently, his presence in my life has also slipped into my subconscious, keeping the nightmares away for the most part. I'm not sure why I even had a nightmare tonight, to be honest. Maybe because I had spent the day thinking about my feelings for Edward, subconsciously needing a dose of what my life used to be like so I could appreciate what it is now.
"Some of the vets I've met over the years say the nightmares are one of the worst parts of coming home," Edward offers softly. "The PTSD."
"I can relate," I close my eyes again and rest my head against his shoulder. "Sometimes, it felt like I was in a warzone living with him."
We're quiet as we sit on the couch in the dark; the only lights in the room now are from the dwindling fire Edward had put on earlier. For a moment, I let myself think back to my life in Rhode Island, all the times I would brace myself for his blows or his angry, leveling words.
But then I feel Edward's fingers tracing my own, a softness to his touch I never felt with my husband, even before he transformed into the monster he was before I left him, and I remember this is the only thing that matters now.
"I'll never understand him," Edward whispers in the dark with a shake of his head.
"He was….very specific. About everything in his life. His work. His clients." I pause and reflect before continuing a moment later. "I don't think it was necessarily about him controlling me specifically, as opposed to him having to control everything."
"You're not his job. Or his clients. You were his wife, not his property."
"I didn't see it that way then," I say. "Couldn't. I was just trying to survive. I didn't have time to try to figure out why he was the way he was. Or how he turned from one person to the next literally overnight."
Edward is silent for a few minutes, his fingertips still tracing my own, but his eyes stare at the fire as if he, too, remembers times from before. He lets out a breath. "People like him are very calculating. He knew how to alienate you from your sister, so you would have no choice but to have him be the only person in your life. He made sure he was the only one you had to rely on."
There's knowledge behind his words, and I recognize them immediately.
"You sound like you've seen it yourself," I suggest hesitantly.
"Your husband reminds me of my father," he sighs. "My mom was married to my dad until I was about ten or so. It took some time, but eventually, she got tired of his shit, and we left him in the middle of the night. Never saw him again. Then she met Carlisle, and, well, things got better. Amazing." I see the appreciative smile on his face as he remembers his stepfather thoughtfully.
"Did he ever do anything to you?" I ask, even though I'm not ready for the answer.
"Once. That was when Mom knew it was time," Edward replies but doesn't elaborate.
"I'm lucky in that sense," I say. "It was just me."
The thought of having children in the hell I was living makes me want to vomit. I feel him shake his head next to me, and the hand tracing fire onto my skin reaches over to tilt my chin so I can look into his eyes.
"There's nothing lucky about what happened to you," Edward corrects. "The only lucky one here is me because it brought you to me."
His words are what I need to hear to convince me spending Thanksgiving with him won't be a bad thing at all.
Even though it's August, these next few chapters had me craving some of my favorite Thanksgiving foods. What are some of your favorites? See you tomorrow!