THC
Round 2
House - Ravenclaw
Class - Muggle Studies
Category - Standard
Prompt(s) chosen - [Location] Woods (Small forest) | [Time of Day] Sunrise | [Dialogue, Multi-line] "No." / "That's not the correct response.
Word Count - 2,929
Disclaimers/triggers - Alcohol consumption, strong language.
_
How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss.
Remus loved early mornings.
In his opinion, there was nothing better than being awake before the rest of the world. Nothing more exciting than creeping around, listening to the sounds of nature. The sounds of the world waking up.
So that's how Remus found himself awake at this truly ungodly hour, taking an unnecessarily long walk around the forest that surrounded their campsite, waiting in anticipation for the sun to rise. It was around six in the morning, and after a night of copious amounts of alcohol and pure, unadulterated madness — Remus couldn't sleep.
He couldn't sleep but was exhausted; he was exhausted but wide awake. It was a vicious cycle and he blamed it entirely on Sirius Black. Remus stopped for a moment, the gentle crunch of the dry leaves stopping as he froze, looking up to the glowing amber sky and breathing in.
Sirius bloody Black.
Remus wanted to smack his stupid beautiful face. He wanted to grab him by his infuriatingly perfect hair and yank it out, he wanted to kiss the idiotic smirk right off of his aristocratic face. He wanted, and that was most of the problem. Who gave Sirius the right? Who—
Remus stopped himself, blaming it on the fact that he was probably still tipsy and definitely still confused. He carried on walking as he tried to fill his mind with anything else. He thought about how this was probably his last lease of childhood. His last summer, before the beginning of the rest of his life. However, with school officially over, Remus was completely lost.
He mentally shook the image away, it was equally painful to think about. He was eighteen for crying out loud, he should be excited, but he wasn't excited. Not. One. bit.
What was there to be excited about? A war? A war that everyone knew was coming but nobody dared talk about, a war that wanted to hurt people like him; like Lily.
Remus stopped walking in an attempt to settle the familiar rising anger in his stomach, he desperately wanted to blame his untameable fury on the fact that the last full moon was a week ago, but this anger was all his, not the wolves.
He could see the sun now welcoming him through the thick trees, the Scottish Highland sun kissing his face through the cracks. He started to breathe evenly again, wiping some sweat from his face and carrying on, eager to find a place where he could sit and watch the sunrise.
He wondered how far away he was from the others, his tent had to be miles away by now. It had been his idea in the first place to camp up in Scotland, but it was Lily's idea to invite everyone to come and have one last party before they all separated and had to worry about the impending war.
Remus supposed he didn't mind, Marlene was cool and Dorcas was nice enough, but he wished it had just been the five of them; mainly so that he wouldn't have had to share a tent with Sirius. He scolded himself for thinking about Sirius; the stupid, idiotic, moronic, foolish and ignorant boy he had somehow completely and madly fallen in love with.
He wasn't sure when it had happened honestly. He had always known somewhere in the back of his mind that he longed for Sirius. It just wasn't until last year he had realised why he longed for him. Why he always wanted to be near him, why he always had dreams about him and Sirius, sitting next to each other with their fingers linked.
Remus sighed wearily as he huffed and puffed up the path, the muddy forest floor wasn't proving to be the most efficient path as he climbed further upwards, desperate to get a clear view of the sun emerging. The whole woods was now glowing as the sun fought its way through the thick trees.
Remus could still smell the cheap Muggle vodka on his breath as he breathed heavily, he cursed his stupid werewolf metabolism that meant he had to drink copious amounts to even think about getting drunk. Which often means that he just doesn't get drunk. However last night was seemingly the exception, he'd definitely gotten drunk enough to kiss Sirius.
"Shut up, Lupin," He muttered to himself, glad for the privacy that the woods offered so that nobody would think he was crazy. He probably was a little bit crazy, he had to be, after all, what sane human would ever believe in magic? Let alone werewolves.
He recalled the first-ever moon he could ever remember, with his mother, crying that she loved him through the iron door that Lyall had put on their garden shed. He remembered the first full moon after Lyall had left, when he'd very nearly bled to death. He remembered his first full moon at Hogwarts, and the kind words from Madame Pomfrey afterwards. He remembered his first full moon with his pack, as they ran the whole night and slept all through the next day.
He smiled softly, thinking about how this forest was so similar to theirs. He thought about Padfoot, never shying away from a dog fight, he smiled thinking about Prongs, who looked so much like James it was utterly ridiculous, with his big stag chest puffed out and antlers raised proudly in the air. Wormtail was also extremely alike to sweet Peter, always coming along for the ride and avoiding the constant death threats from Padfoot.
Padfoot… Remus suddenly thought. The familiar feeling that Sirius was close rose up from deep within his chest all of a sudden, and he could swear he could smell that familiar leathery scent of his best friend… Remus stopped abruptly, turning and facing the trees behind him.
"Sirius?" He said to the air, feeling slightly foolish as he slunk further into his jumper, crossing his arms. He stood there for a moment, looking into the sun-soaked trees and squinting, breathing in deeply to check if the scent of Sirius still lingered.
"Pads, I can—" Remus paused, slightly embarrassed of what he was about to admit,
"—I can smell you. So there's no point in hiding."
Remus waited with bated breath as nothing changed, the woods remained still and the sun remained golden. He was about to turn away and carry on walking; convinced he was in fact, going mental. However, he breathed a sigh of relief as Padfoot stepped out onto the path.
The big black dog's shaggy fur was covered in dirt and leaves as he looked up at Remus, remaining in dog form.
"Did you follow me? What the hell are you doing here?" Remus said, looking down at his best friend, who still remained a dog.
"Sirius? How the hell am I supposed to talk to you when you're a dog? Change back," Remus demanded, staring at Padfoot who was looking back at him cluelessly.
"You know what? Fine. Whatever. I'm finishing my walk, you're welcome to come," Remus said, turning back around and carrying on up the path, one hand in front of his face to protect him from the now rising sun. He quickened his pace so he could reach the top, not wanting to miss the sun fully rise.
The two continued to walk silently, with Sirius, (still Padfoot) running ahead every once and a while, whilst Remus silently seethed with anger towards the boy. He had no idea why he was being so immature. He wanted to know why Sirius followed him. Did he regret it? Did he want to tell Remus that he never wanted to see him again? Remus's heart raced at the thought of the rejection. He would sooner be the one doing the rejecting than ever be the rejected one.
"Hurt them before they hurt you." His mother used to say.
Finally, the boys reached the top of the mountain, stepping out of the woods slightly and onto a clearing. Remus felt a smile stretch across his face as he looked out and saw the mountains below, the glorious sun framing the entire landscape. It was as if someone had poured golden syrup over the entire valley. Remus sat down on the cliff's edge, long legs dangling unsafely over the edge as he drank up the sun, unable to keep the smile off of his scarred face.
He knew how stupid it was to be up this high, especially when he was more than likely still slightly drunk, but he simply felt so alive. Like he was teetering on the edge of death, but he had control. He could control whether he lived or fell to his doom, and there was something rather comforting about that.
Remus was so absorbed in basking in the sunrise that he hadn't even noticed Sirius morphing back, looking at Remus with complete and utter concern.
"Moony, can you come away from the edge? You're making me worried," Sirius whispered, careful to keep a safe distance from the edge himself.
"Good."
"Good?" Sirius scoffed, and Remus nodded, still refusing to open his eyes as he felt the pelt of the wind against his face.
"Worrying is better than silence. Worried is better than just ignoring me and staying a bloody dog. Worried, means you give a shit," Remus answered bluntly, turning his head to face Sirius, who was looking down at Remus with something like guilt in his eyes.
Remus ignored how the sun made him look like an angel who'd just fallen down from the heavens, an angel who'd stolen someone's leather jacket and had obtained a taste for rebellion. A fallen angel.
"Well. It's not like you cared when you snuck out of the tent this morning," Sirius spat back, flipping his hair and crossing his arms defensively. The classic Sirius Black deflecting strategy that he had mastered so perfectly throughout the years.
"Maybe if you had said a single word to me after the kiss then I wouldn't have been so inclined to leave." Remus stood up, using his hand to steady himself. The sun was now higher in the sky, and that warm glow was fading. Remus figured it was probably symbolic, but what did he know?
Sirius rolled his eyes as he scanned his eyes up and down Remus's body, "Can you just," Sirius paused, taking a second to unfold his arms, "can you please just step away?"
"Okay, if you answer a question."
"Fine. Yes. Now just come over here?" Sirius agreed, holding out a hand for the reluctant boy. Remus shook his head.
"No, answer the question, then I'll come over."
"Okay, okay! What is it?" Sirius pleaded.
Remus breathed out slowly, looking away from Sirius and down at the ground,
"Did— did you mean it, did you mean what you said last night?" Remus asked, his voice cracking slightly.
Sirius laughed slightly and nodded, "I may have been drunk out of my mind Moony, but I meant it. I've never meant anything more in my life."
Remus blinked a tear away from his eye, looking at Sirius. The usually so cocky, so self-assured Sirius was now nervous. Nervous because of him.
"I don't want to be your experiment Sirius, I want," Remus stepped forward, away from the ledge and closer to Sirius. So close that he can see the tears welling up in his best friend's eyes, "I want to be yours."
"I meant it when I said that I love you Moony, cause I do," Sirius confessed, cupping one of Remus's cheeks, smiling softly, "I'm yours Moony. All yours."
"What about Mary?" Remus asked in a whisper.
"Why do you think I broke up with her Moons? Cause when I was supposed to be snogging the fittest girl in school, all I could think about was snogging you."
Remus laughed lightly, thinking about bringing Sirius's lips to his own, but he turned away awkwardly, breaking the moment. Suddenly his chest filled with panic, he just couldn't.
"We should get back. It's a long walk," Remus said stiffly, starting the descent back to the campsite.
Sirius stood there for a moment, the panging of hurt rising in his chest as the forest awoke, the sounds of screeching birds and horrible constant chirping of the crickets making him want to hit something. He was so confused. Why didn't he say it back? Sirius wondered where he'd gone wrong…
1:18 am, 5 hours earlier.
"Merlin Moony, you are off of your FACE," James laughed, throwing his arms around the extremely plastered Lupin. Remus let out something that sounded suspiciously like a giggle as he pulled James closer in.
"No Prongsie, YOU are off of my face— I mean off of your face. Wait whose face?" Remus drunkenly babbled, causing James to burst into peals of laughter, with Remus joining in. The boys somehow ended up on the muddy forest floor, giggling their faces off.
"Oh lord, you two are completely drunk," Lily, (who wasn't entirely sober but a lot soberer than everyone else) said. She stood above the boys, looking down at them with her hands on her hips.
"Oh my beautiful girlfriend! Come join us, the floor is so nice!" James babbled, still intertwined with Remus as he carried on maniacally giggling.
"Come on James, let's get you to bed, before you turn into a deer again and I can't catch you," Lily said softly, lifting James up from Remus and wrapping her arms around him.
"Evans! He is a stag. Not a deer," The suddenly offended Remus Lupin said, still laying down in the mud next to the now burnt-out fire the group had set. Lily groaned as she tried to grab Remus from the forest floor as well, only managing to half lift him as she tried to juggle keeping James in her arms.
"Come on Lupin, back to your tent as aswell," Lily said with a grunt before dropping Remus, unable to grab him, "Crap," Lily grunted, looking around before shouting, "Oi, Black, come take Rem back to the tent? He's completely pished."
"I am NOT, werewolves don't get drunk," Remus said stubbornly as Sirius wandered over.
"Come on my Moony, let's get you to beddie byes," Sirius slurred, grabbing Remus's hand and pulling him up, Remus giggled as he fell into Sirius's chest, loving the warm smell of firewhiskey that surrounded his best friend.
Lily smiled slightly as she watched the two stumble to their tent, falling into it in fits of laughter.
"Padfoot, that's my foot!" Remus giggled, pulling his foot out from underneath Sirius's stomach, the boys were entangled inside of their tiny two-man tent. Sirius just kept his laughter going, rolling to where their sober selves had set up their beds.
Remus rolled with him, feeling awfully flushed now that they were facing one another, noses barely a centimetre apart, so close that Remus could smell the lingering firewhiskey and Muggle beer on his best friends breath.
"I love you," Sirius said, in a ghost of a whisper.
Remus shot up, his drunken brain unable to comprehend how the words he had been dying to hear from his friend were somehow being spoken aloud.
"No."
Sirius slowly sat up from where he was lying, looking at Remus with a sad smile,
"That's not the correct response."
"No, you can't love me," Remus whispered, tears forming in his now amber eyes. Sirius leant forward, grabbing Remus's chin with a finger.
"But I do Moony, I love you."
Remus felt himself smile as he leant forward, kissing Sirius before he could change his mind, or revoke his words.
_
Present
Remus swallowed his tears as he practically crashed into the tent, glad that seemingly none of the others were awake yet. He couldn't comprehend it. What was Sirius Black doing loving him? No. He was still drunk. It wasn't true it wasn't—
"Moony? Can we please talk?" Sirius asked, unzipping the tent and stepping in, looking too beautiful as he sat down on top of his sleeping bag.
"Nothing to talk about," Remus mumbled, bringing his knees to his chest, breathing in the smell of the forest, mixed in with the smell of Sirius.
"Can we at least talk about what happened, what we did last night?" Sirius pleaded, and Remus felt his throat close up as he choked out a reply.
"Last night was a mistake, that kiss was a mistake! A drunken mistake. It was only a kiss."
Remus could've sworn that he saw Sirius visibly crumble as he looked at Remus, his grey eyes piercing into his own.
"Only a kiss? It wasn't just a kiss to me Rem, I love—"
"—Would you stop saying that!" Remus screamed, "I don't love you Sirius! And you don't love me!"
"You don't love me?" Sirius choked out.
"No." Remus said, his idiotic mouth and hurt soul speaking the only words he didn't feel. But he couldn't. Sirius was wrong, he was wrong.
Remus was terrified. Terrified to be loved. What did he know of love? All he'd known was pain. If you loved someone they left. So what was the point?
"Look me in the eye, and tell me you don't love me Remus," Sirius said, his voice cracking slightly.
"I don't love you."
Sirius nodded, wiping a tear away, before standing up and walking out of the tent.
Remus put his face in his hands and cried.
It was better to be hurt now than hurt later. He justified, as the love of life walked away from him.