"Penny for your thoughts?" Patton said, passing Roman back a penny. Roman looked at it in confusion and looked up to Patton, sitting in the front seat of the car. "You're in another galaxy, kiddo, and we're almost there. What's going on up in that noggin of yours?" Patton asked brightly, straining slightly against his seatbelt to face Roman in the back seat.
"Nothing," Roman said dismissively, looking down at the fast-food garbage in his hands. He carefully folded up his trash and put it back in the takeout bag, then took a long draw from his soda while Patton looked expectantly at him.
"Well, okay, champ. We'll go pick out some decorations at the store first," Patton smiled affectionately. Which was weird. They've known each other for all of an hour? "If we ask super nicely Thomas might let us get things to make a homemade pizza for dinner," Patton turned back to Thomas and asked, trying to make it sound as tempting as possible. Roman couldn't help but take the bait.
"What?" Roman looked up in excitement. "You can do that?" Roman asked expectantly. Thomas could make pizza from scratch? He wanted to learn how to do that. That was so cool!
"I'll get the stuff for pizza, Pat," Thomas laughed. "Virgil really liked it last time," He added, making a turn into the parking lot. "And salad. I'll get some vegetables in you today if it kills me," Thomas muttered as he parked. Roman was pretty certain he wasn't supposed to hear that part, so he tried not to laugh. The three walked in together, but Thomas grabbed a basket while Patton wiped down a cart. Thomas waved as he left to get the pizza ingredients while Patton and Roman headed into the housewares section.
"Just point out whatever you want, kiddo, and we can narrow it down later if we need to. I want to get an idea of what you like," Patton said, motioning to the isle they were in. Roman looked around the isle for something affordable, things he could feasibly pay them back for with enough babysitting jobs or mowed lawns. There was a rack of posters, and he flicked through the sample panels. There was a really cool looking poster with a fantasy castle and dragons flying he liked, so he picked that.
"I like this poster," Roman said as he put the roll on the cart, feeling satisfied. He could pay that back, and it would make the walls less empty.
"Great, what else do you like?" Patton asked. Shit, again? Roman went back over to the posters, being the most affordable things in the aisle, and flicked through the rack. There was a classic Disney villains type of poster that was really cool. He liked the Disney heroes poster, too, but it was a little cheesy for a kid his age to have up. Disney maybe was pushing it, too, but Remus loved the villains as a kid, and this kind of reminded Roman of him in a way that didn't hurt so much.
"Um, I also like this one?" Roman said hesitantly, pulling the roll from the rack and holding it. Patton took it and placed it in the cart with a light smile.
"Sounds good. What about something for your desk?" Patton offered, pointing to a shelf with desk organizers and paper weights and those kinds of things. There was a neat one that Roman picked up to look at. It was golden and sort of geometric shaped, and it had enough slots to fit all of his colored pencils without them flopping around in the bottom of his backpack and getting broken. Patton smiled and took it from him, dropping it into the cart. Roman wasn't able to check the price on it before Patton directed his attention again elsewhere.
"How about something cozy? Do you like any of these pillows or throws?" Patton asked, taking him an aisle over. All the different colors and textures enticed Roman and couldn't help but touch basically everything. There was a lot going on in the aisle and he kept switching around, feeling the various soft things.
"There are lots of good options! What kind of blankets do you like?" Patton asked patiently, sort of kicking Roman back into the present and out of blanket land.
"Thick and fluffy," Roman offered, looking around. He spotted a cool burgundy one that looked like you could be buried in it. "Like this one," Roman said and pulled it from the stack of blankets.
"Do you like that color?" Patton asked, taking it from Roman's hands. "Oh, it's very fluffy," Patton said, petting the fabric himself.
"Yeah, it's nice," Roman said, glancing around at the blankets again.
"Sounds good!" Patton said, throwing it in the cart. "What else would you like in your room?" He asked cheerily. What, the throw, too? These were like twenty bucks. Roman must have owed them at least fifty bucks by now. That would take him at least a month or two to earn, and that's if he could find enough jobs to do so.
"This is plenty of stuff," Roman muttered. He couldn't possibly afford anymore. This stuff was all plenty, anyway.
"Well, how about this nifty pillow? Check this out," Patton said, lifting a black sequin pillow and running his finger along the sequins. When he pulled his finger across it revealed a metallic rainbow on the underside of the sequins. Roman had reached out and started tracing designs into the pillow. He heard Patton chuckle and vaguely recognized that Patton was moving and he should follow, but most of his focus was sucked into making a rainbow lion in the pillow sequins.
"What sheets do you want, kiddo?" Patton asked, snapping Roman out of his art excursion with the pillow. He dropped it in the cart to put back later before he spaced out again. He looked around and pointed to the cheapest plain white sheets.
"These are fine," Roman said. He liked white, and they were cheap.
"No, they're not! They have no character! Get something you can't wait to see and lay down in every day, Roman. Not boring scratchy sheets," Patton objected adamantly. Roman looked around in confusion. He didn't really know what that meant. Roman looked around until his eyes landed on a bed set that was red and gold. It looked inviting and fluffy as heck. He kind of wanted to squeeze the packaging. Patton must have caught his eye line, because Patton threw it in the cart before Roman said anything. "That's the response I was looking for," Patton said proudly. "Let's get you curtains to match and find some shoes. Dad'll probably meet us over there," Roman was concerned, but followed obediently.
Grabbing matching curtains was just an aisle over, so they were in the shoe isle quickly. Patton was offended at how tight Roman's old shoes were and insisted on buying two pairs of new ones. Roman got some sneakers and a pair of waterproof boots in a whirlwind of action. Roman would probably grow out of them soon, so he didn't see the point. But Patton looked so upset about it that Roman that he couldn't bring himself to object. He couldn't bring himself to say anything. He was feeling overwhelmed. Thomas had also pushed Roman on to buying a few more clothes than just a jacket. Roman was really worried about what all this spending meant for him. He couldn't help but recall the things that had happened in the past when Roman got too expensive.
They had veered into the electronics section on the way to the registers, and Roman waited nervously by the cart while Thomas went over to the counter. Things were kind of bright and loud and he just wanted to get back to the car and pretend none of this ever happened for a few blissful minutes. He had no idea how he could pay these back. He didn't have a job lined up yet. He literally just got here. Roman twined his fingers in the holes in the cart and shuffled his feet nervously as he waited.
"Roman, kiddo, come pick out a phone case," Patton called over to him from the racks of phone cases right near the register Thomas was talking to a representative at.
"For what?" Roman asked in confusion, looking to Patton as he walked over, running his nails along his fingertips.
"For your phone, silly," Patton said brightly and motioned to the rack. "This row. This one's shiny!" He said, pointing to a glittery water case.
"I don't have a phone," Roman corrected him. It's not like the state issued phones. He didn't have a clue what Patton was talking about.
"We're getting you a phone right now, Roman, so you can always reach us and vice versa. It's not safe to let you leave the house without one these days," Patton explained. Roman froze. Oh, that's a lot of money. That's too much money. That's way too much money. He couldn't… He held himself and tried to take a deep breath.
"What?" He croaked out, feeling very small. Patton looked at him with concern and squatted down in front of him.
"What's wrong, Roman?" He asked very carefully, meeting Roman's eyes. Roman just shook his head. "Roman, you have to talk to me. I can't fix anything if you don't tell me what's wrong," Patton prodded him gently, but Roman's brain felt like it was on fire.
"I… that's… that's too much money. These are smart phone cases," Roman whispered, squeezing himself a little tighter and digging his nails into his arms. Patton smiled gently and started to put his hand on Roman's shoulder, but Roman flinched away reflexively and looked at the floor, trying not to cause a scene.
"It's not your job to worry about money, kiddo," Patton offered compassionately. "It's important to us you have a phone," He explained, looking more concerned if that was possible. Roman couldn't meet Patton's gaze and took a deep breath.
"I can't repay that, Patton," Roman whispered. "I can't do the things I'd have to do to repay that much, I just can't, not again," His voice cracked and his breath hitched.
"You don't have to repay anything, Roman, this is from your guardians, not a debt," Patton said. Roman squeezed his eyes shut and backed up slightly. "You don't have to do anything, okay? I need you to breathe with me," Roman shook his head, not really processing what Patton was saying, because his brain kept looping that he owed them and he was in trouble for talking back and making a scene and he didn't feel like he could get enough air. Roman took another blind step backward and shook his head again.
"Roman, I will count out a breathing pattern and you're going to follow it, okay?" Patton said steadily. Roman choked slightly but nodded. If he could avoid getting in more trouble, he would do it. "Breath in through your nose for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Great, hold it for me. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Let it out though your mouth as slow as possible. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. You're doing awesome. Let's do it again, a little longer this time," Patton said soothingly, and they started over.
Roman followed his instructions obediently, not sure why they were doing this, but unwilling to make things worse for himself. Patton stayed just as gentle and even keeled the first time, even when Roman's breath shuddered and he had to restart a count. He opened his eyes, and Patton was still looking at him with a soft smile.
"Are we okay over here?" Thomas asked. Roman stared ahead blankly, feeling incredibly drained. Patton stood up and whispered to Thomas. Roman was glad he could breathe again, but he was about ready to pass out and felt like he couldn't string two thoughts together.
"I'd love a gesture or a verbal confirmation that you're okay, kiddo if you can give it," Patton requested after a moment. Roman couldn't bring his head to look up at him.
"I'm okay," Roman creaked, sounding just as tired as he felt.
"That's good. Do you want to pick a case or should I pick one for you?" Patton asked gently. Roman couldn't deal with any of this.
"You," Roman muttered. He walked back over to the cart and held onto it for stability. He felt exhausted and his vision was a little fuzzy as he wrapped his fingers back through the holes in the cart and leaned slightly against it, not feeling his fingers.
"How about we go out to the car and wait while dad checks out, okay?" Patton offered and held out his hand. Roman nodded and followed him in to the car, wrapping his arms back around himself. He was really embarrassed with himself and a little too tired to care what was coming. He's already made a scene and whatever punishment came would come. He didn't particularly care anymore if it happened at the car or back at the house and just wanted to be done with today.
Roman stood next to the car, and Patton walked around to climb into the backseat. Roman followed suit, not really knowing what he was supposed to do. Roman leaned against the car door in the backseat and Patton sat next to him.
"So, you've got some anxiety about money, huh, kiddo," Patton said, trying to sound offhand, but failing. He at least didn't sound mad.
"I guess," Roman muttered, holding himself loosely, too tired to hold himself close.
"I don't know what happened in your old homes, but you don't have to do anything to replay us. Ever. If we spend money on you, it's because we want to and we're prepared to. You will not get in trouble for wanting things," Patton said softly. Roman squeezed his eyes shut again and shook his head.
"So are you going to punish me for making a scene?" Roman asked tentatively. He may as well get this over with. He still couldn't feel his fingers. Maybe it wouldn't hurt.
"Heavens, no!" Patton exclaimed, aghast. "You don't get to pick your fears, or nobody would have them! What kind of monsters would punish someone for having a panic attack?" Patton said emphatically, sound a little sour at the whole concept. Roman didn't think Patton actually wanted the answer to that. He held himself tighter and tried to take a deep breath. "Oh, baby," He heard Patton say sadly. "I'm so sorry,"
"It's fine," Roman offered, not opening his eyes.
"It's the least fine thing I can think of at the moment," Patton said sadly. "Do you want a hug?" Roman opened his eyes and looked carefully over to Patton. Patton held his arms open invitingly, but didn't move closer. His eyes seemed to be shining with sadness, but he still had a small smile. A hug sounded nice. Roman nodded and scooted closer to Patton. He couldn't bring himself to release his arms, but he let Patton wrap around him and leaned into the hug. He let out a shuddering sigh and tried not to cry, as much as he felt his eyes burn with the desire to.
The car shook, and Roman pulled away quickly to see the commotion. The trunk was open, so it must have been Thomas loading the purchases in the back. Roman didn't really want to think about that and leaned back against the window, staring blankly forward. Patton kept a supportive hand on Roman's shoulder and didn't make a move otherwise. The contact made him both somewhat uncomfortable, since adults touching him wasn't usually a good thing. But he liked the warmth from Patton's hand. Roman still stayed wary of any motion, though.
"Aren't you going to go sit in the front?" Roman asked quietly, stealing a quick glance at Patton before staring at headrest of the passenger's seat.
"I'd rather stay back here, if that's okay with you," Patton asked calmly. Roman nodded and shifted so he could buckle in. Patton did as well, but never took his hand off Roman's shoulder. He appreciated the contact. "So do you have any hobbies, kiddo?" Patton asked.
"I like movies and music," Roman offered. It was a boring answer, but he didn't have many options while he was busy taking care of the other kids. He wasn't sure he even had hobbies after he got separated from Remus. "Sometimes I sketch stuff or play Minecraft,"
"Those are fun! We have movie nights on Sunday night. Maybe you want to join us?" Patton suggested, sounding very upbeat.
"That could be cool," Roman said, afraid of giving a resolute answer. "Do… you guys do any other group activities?" Roman asked a little awkwardly.
"Well, Thomas and I go out on dates sometimes, but Virgil isn't much of a joiner right now to make those kinds of traditions. He's only been to two movie nights himself," Patton said, and Roman felt him lean back in the seat.
"How long have you had him?" Roman asked curiously.
"A little over two months. He's still really shaken up about the accident, and we think he didn't have a good time in his first two foster homes. He doesn't talk to us, and we'd like to ask you not to push him," Patton responded, sounding uneasy.
"Yeah, my case worker warned me," Roman said, hoping it was the right thing to say. Thomas got into the car and started it up.
"Homeward Bound!" Thomas announced, pointing dramatically before backing out of the parking space.
"That's such a sad movie," Patton whined.
"Then, off we go into the great wide somewhere," Thomas sang.
"Aw, now that's a great movie," Patton cooed. "Do you like Disney movies, kiddo?" Patton asked, sounding much more upbeat.
"Of course? Who doesn't," Roman said resolutely, loosening up his grip on himself a little. He finally brought himself to look away from the headrest.
"What you're favourite one?" Thomas asked.
"How can you pick a favourite? They're all so good!" Roman insisted. "That's like asking which molecule of air you breathe is the best," Roman looked to Patton. Patton chuckled slightly.
"That's true," Patton smiled. "What kind of music do you like?" He asked. Roman wasn't sure what all the questions were about, but they were all nice ones and he appreciated the distraction.
"Bops," Roman replied automatically.
"Bops…?" Patton asked in confusion.
"Well, bops, bangers, and anthems," Roman clarified.
"I don't think that's what he was asking, Roman," Thomas said with a chuckle.
"Jams, sometimes?" Roman asked in confusion, unsure what was wrong.
"I think he means genres," Thomas clarified for Patton.
"Um, most of it? I'm not into industrial metal or sad country songs," Roman said, still feeling a little confused.
"That's a lot of music," Patton said, sounding impressed. "You even like classical?"
"Some Disney background soundtracks are classical, it would be sacrilegious if I didn't like them," Roman insisted firmly.
"That's a little dramatic, isn't it?" Patton asked, looking somewhat amused.
"Me? Dramatic? Never," Roman laughed, but was stifled by a yawn. He finally let go of himself to cover his mouth as he yawned.
"You can lie down on the couch for a bit when we get home, kiddo. I've got to wash your sheets before you can lie in bed," Patton offered. Roman stiffened, remembering all the things in the trunk, and Patton gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "It's okay, Roman," He added. It didn't feel okay.
"No, it's fine, I can help," Roman blurted out. He felt like he had to do something. He couldn't not do something when things had to be done. That wasn't allowed.
"No, no, let us handle it. I'd feel much better if you laid down for a bit before Virgil got home," Patton squeezed Roman's shoulder again. Roman huffed and sat back. It felt like conflicting interests, but he also didn't want to get in trouble for arguing. He looked over to Patton, who was giving him a soft smile, and Roman nodded.
"I'm glad that's settled, since we're almost home," Thomas said, pulling into the neighborhood.
Roman laid back on the couch, staring at the ceiling and trying his best not to freak out again about not helping as Patton and Thomas unloaded the car. He closed his eyes and did his best not to focus on the sounds of shuffling effort around him. When Thomas passed the couch, he unfolded a big afghan and draped it over Roman. Roman shifted under its warmth and took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling.
"I'm going to start the pizza dough, Pat," Thomas said in the kitchen.
"Yay!" Patton cheered. Roman was curious how to make pizza dough, but now that he was laying down, he really didn't want to get up. And he wasn't sure he was allowed to. They told him to lie on the couch. He hated sitting still and doing nothing, but he didn't want to get in trouble for disobeying. He felt the afghan structure between his fingers and hummed to himself as something to do, but laying there was agonizing. Roman yawned again and closed his eyes. At least the couch was comfortable.
Roman woke a little while later, Patton suddenly at his feet at the corner of the couch. Roman blinked and looked around.
"Did I fall asleep?" Roman asked and rubbed his eyes, leaning up on one arm.
"Yup! That's okay, kiddo, you've had a long day," Patton said.
"Sorry," Roman mumbled and pulled himself to sitting up.
"You have nothing to apologize for. Would you help me finish setting up your phone? I don't know your e-mail address so I can't start," Patton said, picking up another phone with a bright red case from next to him. Roman took a deep breath.
"Okay," Roman said, hearing the uncertainty in his own voice. Patton moved to sit next to him, handing Roman the phone and wrapping an arm around Roman's shoulders.
"You've got this, Roman. Thomas and I need you to have one," Patton softly reassured him. Roman nodded and swallowed and took the phone out of Patton's hands to enter his e-mail. He handed it back to Patton, who clicked through the rest of the menus. He took his arm back and added 3 contacts, Thomas, himself, and Virgil. He included in e-mail addresses and their home and work addresses to the contacts. Patton's was an animal hospital.
"You work at the vet?" Roman asked.
"I am the vet!" Patton said proudly.
"I'm surprised you don't have pets," Roman said.
"Oh, Lita's around here somewhere. She gets nervous around new people, so she's probably been hiding in our bedroom all afternoon," Patton said, still tapping around on the phone. Roman looked confused. "She's a Jack Russell Terrier. She was raised with the vet office cats, though, so she has some cat-like mannerisms,"
"Lita? Like from Sailor Moon?" Roman asked.
"Oh, most people guess the retired wrestler. Good guess! She's just like her. A big heart, but also ready to throw down if one of us ever gets hurt," Patton smiled and went back to doing things with the phone.
"You wouldn't believe how many people tell us we should have named her Makoto," Thomas said with a huff, sitting down next to Patton on the couch. Roman didn't realize he had come in.
"What?" Roman was confused about who that was.
"I grew up watching the American version. The name just stuck," Thomas said, picking up the remote.
"I would have guessed Patton named her after a cartoon character," Roman chuckled weakly. Patton was much more cartoonish than Thomas.
"Oh, I love cartoons just as much as Pat. You want to watch one? We've got another half-hour until Virgil gets home," Thomas loaded up a streaming service.
"Sure," Roman said. Patton handed him the phone, which Roman took hesitantly.
"It's yours now, kiddo. I'm sure you'll keep it safe," Patton pat him reassuringly on the shoulder. "Make sure you add your thumbprint and keep it locked," Patton said. Roman swallowed a nodded, holding the phone carefully and looking between it and Patton. Roman took another deep breath and tried to focus on the TV instead of freaking out again.