The hall was filled with light as soldiers and commanders alike shared a meal together. The banquet before them was at the same time a celebration for the victory in the battle of the monastery as well as a way to honor those that had died there and to the north. They were sitting to the bottom of the hall; all of his companions were there as well as Fleche. The young girl was the little sister of one of the commanders that, according to the reports, had been able to buy time to the rest of the troops. His sacrifice had allowed the opportunity to save many lives, but he knew that the loss of her brother would leave marks within her. She was sitting next to Edelgard, a place of great honor, holding a conversation, but looking at her eyes she knew that her soul was miles away, to the north.
"I must admit that you still surprise me, Byleth" Hanneman said, interrupting his thoughts. He was sitting next to him and Manuela as they had done many times already five years ago. "You haven´t changed a bit. All our former students are already adults, some even look older than you!"
"You must tell me your secret, Byleth" Manuela said while winking an eye. "I already missed having many people here. This place gets too gloomy when there is no one around. Many people go and come, but they don´t stay for long. A bit of tranquility wouldn´t do any harm"
"Manuela, you forgot that we are in the middle of a war. I highly doubt that relaxing at a time like this could be for the best of us. If you feel gloomy you are free to help me with my investigations. They will surely help you to keep your mind busy. Of course, Byleth is also welcome to help, in fact it would be highly interesting" Hanneman said while adjusting his monocle. Even if years had passed, he was still passionate about his projects…and above everything else about Byleth.
"You are just a workaholic. One day you won´t be able to get up from bed and not even my curative arts will be able to save you"
"That being said from a casual alcoholic it´s quite a compliment. In the end we are just fulfilling our inner desires, don´t you think Manuela?"
"I´m not sure if I should feel complimented or insulted by your words" Manuela sighed. "But somehow these conversations are far more enjoyable having our handsome Byleth here" she said with a charming smile. "Even if you don´t say much, your presence had been missed a lot in this place. When we heard that you were alive, we couldn´t believe it. It was like a miracle. I´m glad that you had been able to return to this place, even if momentarily"
"I´m glad as well" he smiled back. The two of them were opposed in many things, but he knew that it was just their way of showing their affection. They were capable professionals…and above everything else they were cherished friends.
They continued with their small chattery as he observed the rest of his companions. Some of them were eating, some of them talking, most of them were exhausted but they were alive…although he couldn´t avoid feeling a small pressure on his chest as his eyes lingered on Mercedes.
He had been the one to tell her about his brother, Jeritza. He was still unconscious at the former capital of the Alliance, his injuries deep yet somehow still alive. Such news had darkened Mercedes´ sweet expression for a moment, but she returned his words with a smile. In a few days she would travel to Derdriu to take care of his brother and apply all her knowledge to make him recover from his injuries. Some experts were unsure if he could ever recover, but such words didn´t diminish her faith.
"Even if he isn´t able to fight again, I´ll be there for him. He is my brother after all. If there is a place where I should be it´s next to him"
He knew that the story between them was stormy to say the least, but he suspected that Jeritza wasn´t like that at the beginning. In fact, he had realized that his Death Knight personality was nothing but a shield he had erected to distance himself from everything, but even when covered in heavy armor the aggressivity of his actions had diminished with the pass of time.
The light of the torches and the conversations made it look like nothing really happened, but there were many things that had been lost already, and some others that had been granted to them. Even if the past was scarred by the many loses, they had suffered and the future was still uncertain, they had the present, and that was everything he needed to feel at peace for a moment. It was certainly a strange feeling to be there after all this time, yet there he was.
With everything that had happened he wondered if his room would have remained the same after his disappearance, but above everything else there was something he wanted to do. To visit his father´s grave. After recovering from his injuries, he had wanted to do so and now that he was finally there, he didn´t want to waste the opportunity to pay respects to his father. After all, five years had already passed since them.
….
The place was calm, only the echoes from the banquet could be heard there. He was in front of his father´s final resting place. Many years had passed since the last time he had been there. For him it had been an eternity, but he had finally returned.
"Father, I´m back" he whispered to the grave as he caressed the cold stone. The monastery had been scarred by war, damaged walls and destroyed towers were a common sight, but the graveyard had been luckily spared from the flames of war. It had been renamed as the old graveyard since the new casualties were placed outside the monastery, its tombs a silent witness of everything that had happened until now.
Memories from past days came to his mind. He had taught him everything he knew. He was the one to teach him how to defend himself and how to think rationally even in dangerous situations. He had been strict to him, yet there was kindness in his way of bringing him up.
"I miss you…Father" he muttered; the words heavy in his mouth. Turning his thoughts into words was something difficult and painful to do, but he had the feeling he would have liked to hear his voice once again. Looking at the graves, he could see that they had been taken care of. Even at times like this it was heartwarming that those that were gone were remembered.
"There are many things I would like to discuss with you…not only about this war, but everything that has happened until now" he said while touching the cold surface. Jeralt had been a warrior, but he had also been a capable commander. He had wondered many times why he worried about the wellbeing of everyone in the company. Back at that time he only saw his companions as other warriors that were willing to sacrifice their lives for some money, living without regrets. He had then asked him about it.
"All those bastards. They might look tough on the outside, but if you scratch a bit on the surface you´ll see that the child within them is still alive. After hearing their stories and their dreams…I would be a monster if I let a bunch of kids simply die in the cold outside world, right?" he could see him rubbing his hair as he said so. "Listen son…you might be a talented swordsman, but being alone in this world is a certain path to death. Not even the monsters that live in this land fight alone, and those that do quickly find their demise. Together we are like the walls of a castle and good luck trying to take it down just with your own hands"
He was right. Fighting alone had its limits. With his companions he had been able to overcome many challenges and he couldn´t avoid being happy about their progress. They had truly turned into capable warriors and above everything else in trusted friends…but the fear of losing them tortured him with each battle. There were many ways to die and some of them could be unexpected. During all his life he had seen many capable warriors die before his eyes…and he knew that they were no exception, that death could find them at any time…and above everything else he feared that he could fail them.
"I still think about it, father. The day you died" Jeralt had been a legendary warrior yet he found his demise by a dagger in the back. Not even his powers back then had been able to save him…and now the risks were far greater. A misstep and many could die.
"I´m sorry father. You were right about the importance of being together, but the fear of losing them is greater" he said in silence as images from the last battle came to his mind, in particular the face of one old friend.
"I killed Alois…our friend" There was remorse in those eyes, yet he decided to fight against him. The memories of the time they had spent together were like a poisonous dart aimed at his heart. His body had been saved from the flames, its final resting place to the village where his family lived…but that didn´t make it easier. Killing someone you knew was something hard, but even harder when it was someone you considered your friend, yet there was only a path forward. Regretting what he had done despite doing it would be disrespectful to them. Their deaths would be something he would never forget.
He was still looking at his father's grave when he felt something warm. A pair of arms were surrounding him from behind. Feeling the sweet fragrance coming from behind he didn´t need to look back.
"Edelgard…"
"Just El is enough, Byleth. Those especially meaningful to me called me like that a lifetime ago and now all of them are dead…or lost into despair" she said but her voice was still warm. "I thought I would find you here. I was sure that you wanted to share some words with your father"
"Yes, I wanted to do that. Even now I can´t avoid thinking about what I could have done to avoid his death. I felt powerless back then and I still feel like that now"
"That is completely normal, but there was nothing you could have done. Kronya was simply crazy and unstable. I´m sorry I couldn´t do anything to advert it" she said as she stood up next to him her hands lingering on his arm. "But as humans the only thing that we can do is going forward, otherwise their sacrifices would have been in vain…but I would be a hypocrite if I didn´t admit to have such feelings as well…"
"About your family?"
"Yes. My heart is filled with remorse. If I had been stronger maybe I could have saved them. Many ifs that are lingering in my mind to this day…but Byleth, do you really think that it is the desire of those that left us to be stuck in the past? Moving forward doesn´t mean that we forget them, the pain will accompany us for the rest of our lives…but I have the feeling that they would like us to overcome the difficulties of our own lives"
Recalling his father´s last moments, he could remember the smile on his face as he saw his tears. Even if he had been stabbed in the back, even if he was dying, he was still smiling to him, to his son. Until the end he had been strong, even though he had collapsed before him.
"You are right" he said as he kept looking at the grave.
"We won´t forget those that were with us, but we can´t forget what we are as well. If we let ourselves be consumed by vengeance in the end, we´ll still be empty…Rhea wants vengeance against you because to her you were just another tool in her plans and Dimitri wants vengeance against me because he thinks I´m the source of the destruction of his family and our allies seek vengeance against the children of the Goddess.
It is an endless cycle of pain and death, with blood being spilled throughout the entire history. I have been tempted to follow the same path, retribution for everything that had happened…but in the end sacrificing everything for the sake of vengeance would be only but my own egoism and even if I obtain my revenge, the world will continue as it was and another cycle of vengeance would start" she said while looking at her hands. She was wearing the gloves he was so used to see. "I want to do a meaningful change to this world even if that costs me my life. I always thought that even if I was beyond salvation that way others would be spared of the same fate. I was prepared to continue this path alone and being hated by commoners and nobles alike, yet what I´ve received is the support of my companions…and even love" she said as she cherished his hand.
"Sometimes I wonder if all this is just a dream and I fear that dawn might come and all of you are gone. I fear that I´m just indulging myself in fantasies in a reality that was not meant to be" she said lost in thought.
"I can assure you it´s not a dream" he replied while holding her hand. "All of us have fears. I´m scared of losing any of you…that I won´t be able to do any more miracles like when all of you were students at this place"
"I understand. None of us wants to meet such fate. During all these years that has been one of my thoughts, keeping all of us together" she said with a light smile before her expression turned into a more serious one.
"What´s the matter?"
"From time to time the thought comes to my mind. If we were enemies what would have happened. Perhaps I would have turned into a tyrant and you and your companions would be considered heroes after putting an end to my existence"
"Why wondering about a reality that doesn´t exist?" he said to assure her, even if he felt something strange within him as he said those words. Being enemies, that would have been the most logical thought to most people, but he had made his decision not based on his senses but on his trust to her…and he didn´t regret it even once.
…..
His room was still its usual self as if nothing had changed in the five years, he had been outside. He was expecting to see it covered in dust, yet the place was clean and the air was fresh.
"Do you really think that we would have left your place to rot in your absence?" Edelgard said with a smile. All of us have been taking care of it, in fact keeping everything in order turned into a new custom of this place"
"I must thank you for that" Being here again was truly a strange experience. Even if they weren´t planning to stay there for too long, he couldn´t avoid feeling relaxed at his place. After all this had been his room when he worked as a professor in the monastery.
"Do the rest of you keep your rooms?"
"Yes, even if there are more rooms, all of us have decided to keep the ones we had since the beginning. Some of the empty rooms are being used as storage chambers though"
"Did you find something interesting in the archbishop´s room?" He had been only once there, but he recalled many different devices placed there. He was sure that some of them could be of utility.
"Not at all, but that´s something to be expected. She must have destroyed them or take them to a safer place before our first battle, although Hubert has taken a liking to the room. He has placed many different tools and works there when we are here, but apart from that I haven´t seen any significant changes in this place. I…" her voice stopped as her face turned paler than usual. Worried by the sudden change he embraced her as he looked behind. He could only see a small tail disappearing in the shadows.
"A rat" he thought before looking back at her, a worried expression on his face. "El, are you ok?"
"Sorry for worrying you" she apologized as she sat on his bed, her face slowly recovering from the event. "Rats bring me memories of my imprisonment and experimentation as well as the suffering of my brothers and sisters. It is something I have never been able to forget, their paws climbing and their teeth biting my flesh. They must have thought I was easy food to them, chained and weakened…"
"I´m sorry to hear that"
"It´s ok. It´s just my mind bringing me images from my past, but as I told you we can´t just be stuck in the past, otherwise the sacrifices already done would be in vain"
Searching in one of his drawers he found a pleasant surprise.
"El, would you like to have some tea? It might not be the best after all this time though"
"With you of course. More than the ingredients it is far more important the companion and the conversation. Talking with you I can always feel at ease" she said with a smile as she let her hair get loose, placing on his bed the heavy hair ornament he was used to see on her head.
The tea was nothing remarkable, but he couldn't say that he wasn´t enjoying their time together. It was a strange moment of peace among the many events that had passed until now. He knew that such moments were numbered until the end of all things so he had to enjoy them the most.
"I´ve always wondered why you wear such crown. It looks completely different to the one used in your coronation"
"The Church considers me a demon so I thought that a little change in the design wouldn´t be a bad idea. People see what they want and I won´t try convince them otherwise, at least those fanatically devoted to Rhea and the Church of Seiros" she said while smiling, one of her fingers toying with her hair. "A crown isn´t meant to be enjoyable. As my father said, the crown is the burden of the emperor, it is the eternal reminder of the responsibilities of the crown with its subjects. A monarch that isn´t capable of wearing it is the proof of a weak will…but I must admit that the crown itself is mostly just a heavy thing lingering on my head while I listen to the complains of my generals. Hubert is extremely strict with the imperial protocol regarding such matters"
"Well, now there is no need to wear it, so feel yourself at home"
"Of course, by your side I´m just El, there is no need to be the ominous Emperor that Hubert wishes me to be" she said laughing while covering her mouth. "It is a pity that days like this can´t be repeated so often"
"True…" his thoughts were interrupted by the image of the young girl that had been sitting next to Edelgard.
"Fleche…will she be ok?"
"Only time will tell, but she is strong. She respects his brother´s sacrifice and I think she won´t do anything risky to avenge her brother. Besides, when I was looking for you, I saw Caspar and her holding a conversation. Caspar might be impulsive sometimes, but he has a good heart"
"They are family as well"
"Yes, although not always having family bonds mean that the relations between family members will be good, in particular among nobles. I´ll have a lot of job to do after the war. I´m sure that many of the reforms I will do won´t be greatly received, but the alliance between nobles and Church has made this land stagnant, its populace suffering under the powerful…but such talks will be nothing until we defeat the enemy ahead" she was saying when she suddenly laughed.
"What´s the matter?"
"I was just thinking that even at a relaxing time like this I´m still talking about my duties"
"Such are the burdens of the Emperor"
"Don´t imitate Hubert at a time like this. I have enough with the real one" but her tone was relaxed. "From now on the winds will get warmer. Hopefully we won´t have more snow and some flowers will be able to grow again. The monastery is too gloomy right now"
"We could plant some of them ourselves. I´m sure that by the time we return they will have flourished"
"It is a promise then" she smiled while she placed her glass on his desk. Her long hair was falling on her shoulders, the sweet expression on her face contrasting to the emperor he was used to see in the outside. But that didn´t matter now. For now, she was just Edelgard.
He embraced her from behind, his hands gently searching hers. He could feel her warmth, her sweet scent filling him. They were like this for a while, until she slowly started to face him. His eyes could only see her, her violet eyes looking at him. He could see himself in those eyes as if he was drowning within them. When he closed his eyes, he could feel a sweet soft pression on his lips as her arms surrounded him from behind. At that moment the battles that had happened and the ones to come didn´t matter, right now the only thing he could think of was her, only her.
"Professor, are you there?" asked a voice while knocking on the door. The sudden noise surprised them and with it the magic of the moment came to an end. He couldn´t avoid feeling disappointed.
"Who is there?"
"I have been searching for Lady Edelgard" replied the voice to the other side of the door. I wondered if perhaps you have seen her"
"You know that she likes to spend some time by herself. We were talking a while ago, but she isn´t here anymore" he said while looking at Edelgard, her cheeks red.
"I see. As a loyal servant of Lady Edelgard I am aware of the Emperor´s interests. Probably that is the reason of her absence" Hubert´s voice said when he suddenly stopped.
"What´s the matter?"
"May I ask why have you not opened the door yet? When a conversation is held between two individuals is a normal rule of courtesy to keep eye contact while talking"
"I´m naked" It was the only thing he could think of
"…I… understand. The banquet is already over and it is essential to recover energies after the last battle efforts. I appreciate your politeness in that case. If, by any chance, you meet with Lady Edelgard, tell her that I have already found the rest of the members for the operation. More details can be read in a document I have placed on her desk"
"Sure"
"Good night Professor"
"Good night Hubert"
They were in silent until they couldn´t hear Hubert´s footsteps anymore.
"I guess that I´ll have some paperwork to do tomorrow. As expected from Hubert" Edelgard sighed. "Perhaps I should already…" she was interrupted as Byleth placed his hands on her shoulders.
"It would be strange if you suddenly reappear after Hubert´s sudden visit. Even if you have things to do tomorrow, for now let´s forget about it" he said as he got closer while she did the same.