Chapter 21

"Aah...!" Ellie cried, as the rag touched her leg. Her jeans were slashed from here to there and were clearly useless once they would continue their journey. Despite the fact that she would have to change them before stepping outside again, Joel knew they shouldn't hurry taking them off. It would only cause unnecessary pain, and it seemed it would take a long time before Ellie could travel again.

"I'm sorry… it'll be better, I promise" Joel whispered to the girl, who whined and rolled on the bed. He felt incredibly uncomfortable having to do the same thing to the most of her large wounds. Some of them were incredibly deep and Joel felt almost as bad as Ellie as he cleaned them. Ellie's pain also hurt him, slashing his heart with knives every time Ellie screamed in agony.

Since Joel had hurried to clean her wounds, he had totally forgotten the rags that still held her arms and legs together. Once he had finished with the disinfectant, he laid the rag down on the nightstand and waited for the girl to stop panting. He observed her as carefully as ever, looking at her face.
"All done, I'm so sorry" Joel quietly said to the girl, and his own nauseousness slowly faded as the girl seemed to get over the biggest pain. He had not dripped a tear during the operation, but it had not been very far. Once Joel had gotten through with it, he fixed his position on the floor and almost laid his other hand on the girl's arm. He quite quickly noted that it wouldn't be smart due her condition, and laid it on top of the mattress instead.

"Joel..." Ellie whispered, slowly opening her eyes. Joel awoke to the fact that her face was covered with blood, and he leaned towards her to carefully wipe most of it away with his palm.
"Yeah?" he coughed, as his voice had rusted in the silence. He lifted his eyebrows while he waited for her to speak out. Joel felt bad for having to cause more pain to the girl, but he was getting more and more relieved by the feeling that her condition seemed bearable and she would most probably survive to live another day.
"M-my.. arms.." she whined, looking straight into Joel's eyes after slowly opening her own.

Once she had said it, Joel felt bad for not realizing it earlier.
"Oh" he sighed, and instantly got up from the floor. Joel gazed to her arms behind her back, leaning upon her to reach the tied rag. The knot was quickly opened, and he followed the same procedure with the rag on her legs. If he had been smart, he would've used a knife instead, but it didn't appear to him before he got them open.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, crouching back to the floor as the girl took a deep breath. She lied still for a moment before she closed her eyes, preparing to turn on her back. Joel furrowed his brows while trying to figure out what she was about to do.
"Aah..!" she cried again, and another couple of tears moistened the blood that had dried on her face. The pain was mostly not caused by turning, but the using of her hands and legs for the first time after the incidence. Joel winced as Ellie panted heavily while turning, and he was not sure if he could do anything to help.

"You shouldn't move" he advised the girl, getting up from the floor himself. Joel glanced at Ellie while walking back to his bag, digging up a pile of rags that he had not thrown on the floor. He tucked most of the stuff from the floor back to the bag before getting up and returning to the bed. He slowly placed them down to the mattress, carefully sitting to the edge of the bed not to make it move too much.
Ellie was still preparing herself for the turn, swallowing and starting to breath very manually. After the last inhale, she held her breath as she started to move.
"Fuck…!" Ellie grunted, squeezing her eyes shut as she finally made the turn. She was now lying on her back, and it already seemed like a more comfortable position. Joel observed quietly, slowly picking up a rag he had just laid down.

"I gotta wrap them up" Joel ruined the mood again, gazing into her eyes for an answer. Whatever it would be, he would still have to do it. Having to do against her will earlier was already bad, but at least this wouldn't hurt as much.

Ellie opened her eyes, furrowing her brows sadly while looking at Joel. She bit her teeth together, trying to decide something in her head. Joel could barely answer her gaze without turning his head away, but he made it. He knew it would comfort her, no matter how bad it felt.

"I have to" Joel whispered after a moment of silence. He returned the gaze, and his eyes clearly showed empathy she could not resist. Ellie sighed, closing her eyes as she had to prepare herself once again.
"Okay." She knew it would be for the best, but she was getting tired from the pain and would probably soon fall unconscious due it.

Once Joel started wrapping up the wounds one by one, she found the pain quite bearable. She had to bite her teeth together, and a fuck slipped from her lips once in a while, but Joel didn't feel as bad as while disinfecting the wounds. Ellie was getting more and more tired, and it was probably hours past midnight already. She kept her eyes closed most of the time, as she had already adapted to the moderate pain Joel unwillingly caused to her.

"Just this one more" Joel said quietly while starting to roll the rag around Ellie's right hand. He glanced at the bite mark once while doing so, and Ellie happened to open her eyes just in time to notice this. She saw him looking at the old mark of teeth on her arm, and swallowed once before opening her mouth.

"Joel" she whispered, and tardily blinked her eyes while trying to stay awake. She held her eyes closed more than she held them open, knowing that it wouldn't matter if she didn't see him.
Joel turned his head, stopping his hands for a while.
"Yeah?" he asked, returning his eyes to her hand to finish the bandage. He tied a knot and leaned backwards, settling his eyes on her own once they opened again.

After a long while of silence, Ellie had finally formed a complete sentence in her drowsy head. She was just about to fall asleep, and Joel could see it in her eyes. This also meant that whatever she was about to say was something she tried to stay awake for.

"If I die…"
"You ain't gonna die" Joel denied instantly, furrowing his brows while still staring at her. He started speaking before she got the chance to finish the sentence, but it had slipped out without a second of thinking.

The thought briefly visited his head, but he repelled it as quickly as it had arrived. He had to bite his teeth together not to get the vision of that happening.
"Joel, please listen" Ellie asked again, closing her eyes. She swallowed, frowning her face as she was struggling to stay awake for the words. Joel felt very uncomfortable when she kept her eyes shut, as he was continuously afraid he would lose her. It wasn't likely, since she wasn't losing any blood any longer, but the fear stayed present.

"I'm listening" Joel replied with a louder voice, trying to keep her awake. He nodded to himself, trying to focus on whatever she was still awake for. He would have to let her sleep soon, but it meant a sleepless night for him, making sure there wouldn't be any complications.

"If I die…" Ellie started again, and she slowly opened her eyes while making the rest of the sentence. She swallowed and winced from the pain before continuing.
".. take me to the fireflies."

Her eyes spoke with a thousand words, and Joel had to bite his teeth together once again. Her eyes were honest and she meant every word. Her eyes were moistened from the new tears, as she thought of the possibility herself.

Joel tried to resist thinking of it, but the image felt too strong to be avoided. He did not want to think of a journey with Ellie's bloody, dead body. A body he had just cleaned and bandaged to keep her alive. Carrying her all the way to Salt Lake City just to leave her corpse to be cut open for a vaccine. A vaccine that possibly would not even work.
As the visions entered his head, he could not offer a straight answer. Neither could he vanish the visions again.

"You're not gonna die" Joel spelled slowly, biting his teeth together. He kept his eyes on the girls' own, once she closed them again after getting the displeasing answer from Joel. She exhaled deeply before gathering the energy for another sentence.

"Don't..." she whispered, and could no longer open her eyes for the conversation. Joel had to extend his hearing to figure out what she was whispering, leaning towards her a little bit.
"Don't leave me alone..." she sighed quietly before drowsing off. Joel's furrowed brows released the tension, as he leaned back to sit straight. His eyes were locked on her closed eyes, as he felt the greatest empathy towards the kid. Joel thought of it for a while, shaking his head.
"I won't"

Joel stared at the girl for a good while. It was almost unbelievable, the way she thought. A fourteen year old girl thinking of the world while so near death herself. Even with her last energy she wanted to save the world. Even if she died, she insisted on him to take her to Saint Mary's Hospital for the vaccine. As Joel thought about it, he felt deficient. Never in his life had he thought about others the way Ellie did, and she had been through a lot. She had been tortured, and almost raped for several times. She had been so afraid, yet saved Joel's life several times until now. He felt like he was nothing compared to her, and looking at her made him want to protect her with his own life. He wouldn't leave her. He couldn't, for it would be the end of himself, too.

After the longest while, Joel finally gathered the mental strength to get up from the mattress. He had observed her as she fell asleep, her chest rising as she breathed slowly. He noticed that the wounds did not bleed, and he finally got the feeling that they were safe. She was safe.

Once he stopped watching the girl, he grunted while getting up. His eyes felt more dry than ever, as the sun was already rising. He had no idea for how long he had been sitting next to her, but he did know he would fall asleep an inch before his head would land on the mattress.