OSCAR: Ze following is a fan-based parody. Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and is licenced by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation. Please support ze official release.
"Huh so I'm doing the disclaimer now" Oscar exclaimed.
FANG: Please, no! I'll worship your Go-
CARDIN: [kills him with his bayonet] Ha...!
"Cardin, I think you're having too much fun killing them" Yang said apprehensively.
COCO: I zhink zat was ze last one. Good zhing, too. I fear you're running out of bayonets.
CARDIN: Care to correct yourself?
COCO: [empties guns] S-sorry, sir! You have bayonets for days!
CARDIN: Bayonets for days.
"Oh, come on! How is he intimidating me!?" Coco roused.
"Probably because I'm a badass" Cardin replied.
Coco looked back at Cardin.
"You are not a badass" she said.
"This me is" He said pointing at the screen.
SKY LARK: Father Cardin, I believe I speak for all of us when I ask: Why did we go out of our way to save this... [camera points at Weiss] Erh...
"Woman" Weiss said while Yang tried to hide her giggling to herself.
WEISS: Woman.
SKY: I didn't want to assume.
WEISS: I was actually wondering that myself. Alucard would have left Russel to die. Probably after putting a bullet in his leg.
"That does sound like him" She said.
CARDIN: I am a man of three things: God, virtue, and disobeying that tramp Russel when it suits me! And if I'd let the woman die, I'd have been none of the three!
"Oh god, that means... he's just like Jaune" Weiss said facepalming.
WEISS: Wait, so... you just defy your master's orders on a whim?
CARDIN: [cheerfully] Aye!
WEISS: ...Good God, it's strange to see this from the outside.
"It really is" Weiss said answering her counterpart.
[series logo appears, behind it flies a zeppelin and a scene goes to the bridge/command center inside]
CAPTAIN: Lieutenant Ilia Amolita, ve are just outside ze Hellsing perimeter. Ve shall maintain zhis position as ve observe- [interrupted by Ilia]
ILIA: No! All hands to battle stations.
CAPTAIN: But... Ma'am... Our orders-
Zorin: I have been vaiting for zhis var for over fifty years. I have been given veapons, men, AND a target. I vill not be cockblocked to the point of entry by that little red toad! I... no, VE vill get vhat ve have coming to us. Now Captain, launch ze V-1s!
"Wow, she really wants to fight" Yang said.
"Say the punch-happy girl" Blake snarked.
"Hey, I have limits" Yang told back offended.
CAPTAIN: [with a dramatic delay] Yes ma'am! [launches the V-1s]
[V-1s get shot and explode]
"Holy shit" Coco said.
"What happened?" Jaune asked
ILIA: [shocked, cigarette falls out of her mouth] Status report! ANYONE!
HELMSMAN: Vell, uh, ze V-1s launched. And zhen zey blew up! But not vhere zhey were supposed to! Like, vay too soon!
ILIA: I CAN SEE ZAT! VHY!?
CAPTAIN: Reports say it's sniper fire!
"That's impossible! No gun can shoot that far!" Winter shouted. "The only way they could shoot that far is if they had a cannon." Ironwood said.
ILIA: Kilometers avay? YOU ARE USELESS! GET ME A FUCKING VISUAL!
[Searchlights shown over the Hellsing HQ and the zeppelin crew react shocked at the sight of Ruby and her Harkonnen II]
Ironwood stammered in disbelief as WBY stared in shocked silence while Ruby talked animately describing every part of the cannon.
ILIA: [lets out a frustration grunt]
[The camera changes to the Hellsing control room, where Oscar is sitting and smoking a cigarette]
OSCAR: Twenty four out of twenty four, ma chère. You must be a bane to clay pigeons everywhere.
RUBY: Actually, if you wouldn't mind Mr. Pines, my name is Ruby Rose.
RUBY: How peculiar! I was under ze impression by ze rest of ze staff zat your name was "Police Girl."
Ruby's face took on an interesting shade of red while Oscar stammered for an apology.
RUBY: [brief pause] You know what? [sighs] Fine, "Ma chère" it is. Just pay attention for any possible incoming-
OSCAR: So, ma chère, tell me a little bit about yourself.
RUBY: Y-You're serious...
"There is a time for socializing, this isn't it" Winter admonished.
OSCAR: Come now, we know so little about one another. And let's be honest, zis may be ze last chance we get to share. So ma chère, what is it like growing up in England?
[Ruby gets flashbacks of the brutal murder of her parents]
RUBY: [bluntly] I grew up in Leeds... Nothing happened.
"What the hell! Something happened, what were those flashbacks" Taiyang yelled.
OSCAR: Sounds boring.
RUBY: YES... it was. [sighs] How about you?
OSCAR: Oh, ummm, in ze french countryside, with my-
[Flashback to a cottage in the woods.]
YOUNG OSCAR: Grand-père... Is it true? [sobs] Is it true what the children in school say? Zat you are mercenary? Zat you kill people?
"What? Is your grandfather really a mercenary?" Ironwood asked.
"No, at least I don't think so?" Oscar told him, unsure.
OSCAR'S GRAND-PERE: Oh, little Pip. It is much more zhan "killing people". It has many complicated facets. I once helped topple a fascist Souz African government in a week. I mean, it was replaced by anozer in two, but I still got paid.
"Emerald, Mercury I want you two to find this man if he is a mercenary as good as this version of him, I want to see if we can get him to work with us" Cinder told her lackeys.
YOUNG OSCAR: But Grand-père! My fellow school children only taunt and bully me for it!
"What, but he should be the coolest kid in school?" Yang asked, how is having a mercenary for a grandfather not cool?
GRAND-PERE: Wait, quoi? How are you not ze coolest kid in school? Who is it who dares to mock you? Is it zat son of ze butcher, Jean Paul? Perhaps zat little piggy shall find a grenade in his lunch box, so when he opens it, it pulls ze pin.
"What! Don't go that far!" Weiss yelled.
"At least it shows he loves him" Ruby said sheepishly.
YOUNG OSCAR: Please do not kill my friends...
GRAND-PERE: Oh, mon cher petit-fils~ I'm not going to do it.
"Oh my god!" Ruby yelled.
"He shouldn't have kids use grenades!" Ironwood yelled.
YOUNG OSCAR: ...Quoi?
[Back to the present day,]
RUBY: Oh my god!
"That's what I said" Ruby said.
OSCAR: Oh, relax! It was a flash bang! A little bit of tinnitus never hurt anyone. Now, how about zese Fang fucks?
The audience sighed in relief at least he didn't actually kill the kid.
RUBY: Well, I've got a couple of grenades for them. They ain't flashbangs, though.
OSCAR: Ah, but zey'll flash and zey'll bang, just how I like it. Now, give zem a proper Hellsing welcome.
RUBY: So, a mountain of over-the-top violence, swearing and unnecessary screaming?
"Yeah!" Yang and Nora yelled pumping their fists.
OSCAR: Exactement.
RUBY: OUI FUCKING MONSIEUR!
"GO RUBY!" team RWBY AND JNPR chanted together.
[Yuri Temirkanov's "Dies Irae" starts playing]
OSCAR: OPEN FIRE!
[With a savage scream, Ruby peppers the zeppelin with AA rounds, killing several workers on board]
HELMSMAN: Ve are being shredded lieutenant!
ILIA: Tell me somezhing new!
[Ruby destroys two of the zeppelin's engines]
HELMSMAN: Vell, ve just lost two engines!
"Oooh, well things are not looking good for them" Yang said with mock pity.
"Well they shouldn't have messed with me" Weiss said.
ILIA: CUNT!
CAPTAIN: Ma'am, ve can't keep taking this kind of damage! We're going to crash!
ILIA: Zen give me ramming speed captain, right into zat bitch!
"HEY!" Ruby's family yelled including Ruby.
CAPTAIN: Vich bitch lieutenant?
ILIA: Zat bitch with the CANNONS!
[The zeppelin heads straight at Ruby]
OSCAR: Alright ma chère, how bout you flash zem ze goods?
The audience spit-taked at his words "WHAT!" Ruby covering her chest.
[Ruby lifts up her guns to show two grenades attached before firing them hitting the zeppelin, which then proceeds to fall out the air and crash]
"Oh, that's what he meant" Yang realized as Ruby excitedly shouted about.
ILIA: [Screaming in anger as the zeppelin crashes] CUNT!
"That's what you you get bitch!" yang roared victoriously.
OSCAR: And zat, is how ze cookie fumbles.
"Isn't it crumbles" Ruby asked.
RUBY: It's "crumbles".
OSCAR: Oh~, like England.
"That's insensitive!" Goodwitch yelled.
Police Girl: Can you... not right now?
OSCAR: I am French, so... no.
"What does race have to do with anything?" Ironwood asked.
MERCER: Holy shit, guys! I think we killed them all!
HERBERT: [looking through binoculars] Hey Mercer, try not to choke on your fucking foot!
[The White Fang Vampires are seen climbing out of the rubble led by Ilia]
OSCAR: Quick reminder to everyone on the ground floor... zese are vampires. Much like ma chère, zey won't go down zat easy. And a night on ze town and a little bit of wine won't woo zem over. You will have to show zem zat you care. Make zem feel like zey're ze only thing zat exists to you in zhis world. And zen, when zey finally open zeir legs... give zem everyzing, and leave nothing.
Yang giggled perversely while Ruby gaped "Oh god he's Yang!".
"No... he's even worse" Weiss said with horror.
ILIA: Vat's our head count?!
WHITE FANG SERGEANT: Eins, zwei, drei... a-a lot, a lot, zere's a lot.
ILIA: Good. Zen your orders... are to SLAUGHTER THEM ALL!
[The White Fang Vampires charge towards the Hellsing HQ.]
RUBY: Should I hold my position Mr. Pine?
OSCAR: No ma chère, you've already been on top, now give us a turn.
Yang let some more perverse giggling as Weiss rolled her eyes.
[The White Fang Vampires continue running towards Hellsing HQ when one of them steps on a landmine.]
WHITE FANG VAMPIRE 1: Oh, landmines... [beeping] Oh! LANDMI-[landmine explodes]
[Several other White Fang Vampires are blown up by landmines whilst screaming "Landmines!"]
"Wow you think they would stop after the first one exploded" Taiyang said.
"I don't think they can look how fast there moving" Summer.
WHITE FANG VAMPIRE 2: Holy Shit! They planted landmines!
OSCAR: Oh, zey found the landmines.
RUBY: [shocked] Oh my God, they planted landmines?! We walk our dogs out there!
"WHAT!" Ruby yelled.
"Those poor dogs" Weiss said.
WHITE FANG VAMPIRE 2: Okay, ve have to stay calm! Nobody move a inch! Ve vait for Ilia, we'll pull back...
[One of the Wild Geese presses of detonator, causing several planted explosives to detonate in slow motion with grapeshot.]
"Did they actually think that would work?" Ironwood asked.
"Well, they don't seem very smart" Winter said.
WHITE FANG VAMPIRE 2: [slowed down] And ve'll- OH SHI-!
[Several more vampires get splattered by the grapeshot debris.]
OSCAR: Alright men, you know ze drill: If it moves, it dies. If it dies, you move on. Keep zose grenades coming, keep ze bullets raining, and most importantly... have fun. I'm going to have a smoke. [Pulls out a lighter.]
WILLINGHAM: No offence sir, but you're being awfully casual about this. I mean, as casual as usual, but aren't we dealing with Bram Stoker meets Castle Wolfenstein shit here?
"That's true, it just seems am being a bit casual about this" Oscar said.
OSCAR: Honestly Willingham, we were prepared for a full-on tactical assault. Instead we got a volley of swastika-covered dipshits running dick-first into enemy territory.
WILLINGHAM: Still kinda crazy thought, isn't it?
OSCAR: Oh oui. If you told me two years ago when we were either starting or ending a war in ze Middle East, zat we'd end up fighting White Fang Vampires, I'd have kissed you full on ze mouth! But now, all I feel is robbed. [Closes lighter.]
WILLINGHAM: Well, if it make you feel any better, there's a giant woman outside.
"What?" Qrow said thinking he drank too much beer.
OSCAR: ...Quoi?
[Mega Ilia is seen materialising into a giant and laughing maniacally, while everyone inside the Hellsing mansion is frozen with fear, Oscar runs out of the control room to the hall.]
"HOLY SHIT!" Yang screamed.
"Can she do that in our world" Yang asked Blake
"NO!" Blake yelled eyes wide with fear and confusion.
OSCAR: SAINTE PUTAINE DE MERDE!
MERCER: What?!
RUBY: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
OSCAR: What she said!
MEGA ILIA: Peekaboo~! I'LL KILL YOU~!
[Ilia slices through the mansion with her scythe while everyone inside screams and runs in fear.]
OSCAR: I want to go back to ze Middle East...
[Ilia slices once again through the mansion.]
"Oh my god" Ruby muttered staring at scene with wide eyes.
ERHOLTZ: SHE'S GONNA KILL US ALL!
MERCER: FUCKING... DEMON... BITCH!
HEBERT: Oh.. Tscch... I lost an arm...
"How is he not screaming in pain?" Wiess asked.
"Probably adrenaline" Ironwood said.
[Ruby falls to her knees in utter despair.]
RUBY: [thinking] We're gonna die... To a giant German Nazi vampire woman with a scythe... That screaming homeless man on the train was right!
"Wait, what" Yang and Ruby were taken aback.
[Cue in: The Crimson Fucker.]
"It's Jaune!" Nora yelled.
"Yeah, but how am I speaking with her" Jaune asked himself inquisitively.
"Using his vampire powers!" Nora answered him.
"B-but he has so many abilities already!" Weiss said.
ALUCARD: Hahahahaha! You're kidding me, right?! This basic bitch has you believing she's a giant.
"Wa-what does he mean by that?" Ruby said.
In the back a green haired girl was deep in thought before realizing the answer.
"It's an illusion!" Emerald yelled out.
As shock and realization went through the audience Ironwood yelled "So that's why the man who got his hand cut off wasn't hurt!".
RUBY: Master? Where-
ALUCARD: On a boat in the middle of, uh... The fucking, I don't know, Atlantic? Eh, fuck it, the ocean. Anyways, you need to whip out that third eye of yours and-
"Third eye but I don't have a third eye?" Ruby said.
"In some religion's it thought that the third eye is the eye of the mind" Ozpin answered sipping his mug.
RUBY: But... Master, I-I only have two eyes.
ALUCARD: No, you have three eyes. You're a vampire.
RUBY: Do you have three eyes?
ALUCARD: Sweetheart, I've got so many eyes. Eyes for days.
RUBY: Eyes for days?
"Heh, callback to Cardin's lines" Yang said.
"Only now am realizing the similarities with this Cardin and Jaune" Blake said.
ALUCARD: Eyes for days. Now, look past your own self...
RUBY: Eh.. How, eh...
ALUCARD: OH MY GOD, GO CROSSEYED, JESUS!
[Ruby follows orders and escapes Ilia's illusion.]
"Hehehe, Oh my god Ruby your face and the derpy sound hahaha!" Yang Luaghed while Ruby looked bashfully from underneath her cloak.
ERHOLTZ: PLEASE DON'T STICK ME IN YOUR GIANT VAGINA!
"What the fuck!?" Yang said as Taiyang and Summer glared at her.
MERCER: DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?!
HEBERT: Welp, high-fives are gonna suck now... [grunts]
RUBY: [looking at everyone still hypnotised] Hold on... Did she- Aw, come on!
Emerald had to give this Ilia credit creating such a life-like illusion against multiple people was something even she couldn't do.
OSCAR: Open ze doors of hell for me, Grand-père. I'm coming home.
"Aren't you being a bit dramatic Oscar?" Pyrrha asked the boy.
"Well, I don't know this is an illusion" Oscar replied.
RUBY: [whilst taking her rifle off the floor] Oh for Christ's sake.
[Ruby points the rifle out a window and uses her vampire vision to shoot the real Ilia, grazing her cheek.]
ILIA: Augh! My face, you CUNT!
RUBY: You cunt touch this!
"Okay, that was a good joke" Yang congratulated Ruby.
MEGA ILIA: [lets out an angry growl as she disappears]
[The Wild Geese slowly come out of the illusion and get a hold on themselves... Kinda.]
HEBERT: Holy shit, my arm's back!
ERHOLTZ: Oh, thank God! I thought she was going to crush me... With her giant vagina!
"On god, what does his internet history look like?!" Yang said disgusted.
MERCER: Okay, what does your Internet history look like?!
RUBY: [shaking Oscar] Mister Pine! It was just an illusion, like push-up bras or stilettos!
OSCAR: Wait! You wear a push-up bra?
"Out of that entire sentence that's what he focuses on?" Weiss said haughtily.
RUBY: I don't wear a bra.
There was a momentary silence before yang broke it "Ooohhh my God".
"What?" Ruby said naively not understanding the implications of what she said.
[momentary silence]
WILD GEESE MEMBER: ...Ooohhh my God.
[A White Fang Vampire bursts in through the window.]
ERHOLTZ: They figured out the landmines!
OSCAR: I fucking noticed! [One of the vampires bites another Wild Goose on the neck.]
RUBY: [As she sticks the barrel of her riffle into the vampire's mouth] Eat schnitzel in hell! [pulls the trigger, blowing his head off.]
"Aw, come on Ruby! And you were doing so good!" Yang whined. Ruby didn't know what Yang meant without context.
OSCAR: "Eat schnitzel in hell"?
RUBY: Oh, my apologies! What would you have said?
OSCAR: Don't be so sauer, kraut! [Everyone begins laughing.]
"See Ruby that's a good joke" Yang said knowingly she was willing to help and educate her younger sister on how to make good jokes as she drowned out the groaning of her teammates.
ERHOLTZ: Ninety-nine dead balloons.
ANDRANDE: Hasta l'auf wiedersehen!
RUBY: [giggling and struggling to think of a joke] You've... been... autobahned! [The laughter stops.] Like the- like the autoba-
"Oh god!" Yang yelled.
"Okay that was worse than Yang" Jaune told Ruby while she sulked.
OSCAR: Ve should get a move on!
RUBY: Oh, choke on a baguette of dicks!
OSCAR: Now listen ma chère, we are in ze zhick of it! Zey are getting close, and we cannot pull out now. We shall continue to hold zem off as long as we can, but we need you to flank zem and-
"I'm 99 … .9 percent sure this is a reach around joke" Qrow told Taiyang.
RUBY: This is a reach-around joke, innit?
OSCAR: Bon Dieu! I'm becoming predictable. Whatever, listen! If the British are good at anything, it's hunting, and you are hunting ze deadliest game of all.
RUBY: White Fang vampires.
"Aaaaw, that used to sound kinda cool" Nora said.
Pyrrha looked at quizzically "I don't think that ever sounded cool" she broke to her.
Nora shrugged indifferently "It was to me".
OSCAR: Dammit, that used to sound so cool! But zen you say it so much and "White Fang vampires" just sounds stupid!
RUBY: Oh, right? Maybe we'll find something else, like maybe a White Fang werewolf.
"That sounds worse" Oscar said.
OSCAR: Merde, zat sounds so much worse! [Missiles explode against the side of the mansion.] Oh right, World War Trois. Ma chère! Like a high-class escort, make zhem pay for every inch.
RUBY: I can't believe I find you attractive. [She turns and runs down the hall.]
"Wait, what!" Oscar yelled.
OSCAR: Pardon quoi? [realisation] Wait, what?!
WILLIINGHAM: Uh, so sir, what's the over/under on us finishing this mission alive?
OSCAR: About as good as any of us actually getting laid tonight.
"Which means zero" Yang clarified.
WILLINGHAM: I dunno, those vampires do look kinda rapey.
The audience revolted in disgust at those words.
HEBERT: Holy shit, dude!
WILLINGHAM: Oh, who the fuck am I offending? The White Fang?!
[Cut to Father Russel lying on a deck chair with a newspaper over his face.]
"What are you doing Russel?" Cardin asked his teammate.
RIEGEL: Uh, Bishop Russel?
RUSSEL: Ah, shit. I fell asleep waiting. You'd think watching London turn into a literal hell-scape would keep you riveted, but once the screams died down... [He looks across the English Channel, where the glow from London's fires can be seen on the horizon.] So, what did I miss?
Most of the audience looked revolted at Russel
RIEGEL: Well, according to the reports, America is imploding.
'That country again, I wonder why it sounds so significant' Ironwood thought.
RUSSEL: So, White Fang has infiltrated them as well.
RIEGEL: No... actually.
"So, they destroyed themselves?" Winter asked.
RUSSEL: Okay... Well, have the Papal Knights arrived yet?
RIEGEL: Actually, we were unable to conscribe them into our efforts.
RUSSEL: What?!
RIEGEL: Ah- but do not worry, Bishop Russel! We were able to get some... Eager volunteers.
RUSSEL: Volunteers?
"Volunteers?" Ruby echoed.
[The camera pans into different shots of the volunteers in their Klassic Krusader Knights outfit.]
ANDREA: From Italia, I am brother Andrea Marco Francesco Luco Mateo Alhandro Lozendro Fredrico-
"Wow, that's a long name" Yang said.
RUSSEL: Yes, yes. And your order?
ANDREA: I bring with me the Pure Noble Ordine della Rossa del Corna di Resa San Bartironmeto, alla Serieta del Segni Torre Derise del Sito [this name is yet to be confirmed]…
"And that's even longer" Weiss said.
[Russel grunts in frustration]
ANDREA: Divisione Ricettazione. We bring 510 paladins of the order.
RUSSEL: [Sigh] Grazie. And you?
DIEGO: From Mexico, Don Diego de la Vega! I bring: The Mexican Inquisition.
RUSSEL: I did not expect you.
DIEGO: No one ever does! We bring 888 conquistador inquisitors!
BARTLOMIEJ: Shalom! Bartłomiej Jeleniak from Poland! I bring the sacred order of the Temple Beth Zion!
RUSSEL: Oh, I've... not heard of your order. You're... sure you're Catholic?
BARTLOMIEJ: Eh... Of course!
RUSSEL: You worship the Lord Jesus Christ?
BARTLOMIEJ: Hey, if we're killing White Fang, I'll worship a side of bacon. We bring 447 mënschen.
PUISERS: Hey bud, Abbot Puiser from Canada, bud. I bring the crusaders of the Salvation Army. Fuck bro, let's kill us some gays!
"What do they have against gay people?!" Ruby screamed.
RUSSEL: White Fang.
PUISERS: Yeah, sorry, whatever. We bring 509 holy hosers, eh?
RUSSEL: Glad to have you, now let's-
JED: Now I gotta say, I'm a little uncomfortable killin' Fangs. Some of my best friends are Neo Fangs! Then again, these are those classic-type Fangs, so...
"He's friends with White Fang?" Blake asked.
RUSSEL: Mi scusi. And you are...?
JED: Jed Forrest, from the South Carolina Baptist Confederate Congregation! I got me here some 300 n' change good ol' boys from the Knights of the Hangin' Noose.
RUSSEL: Wow, alright, okay! Thank you for... swinging by... Oh God!
Everyone in the audience groaned at the unintentional pun.
"Wow, I didn't think you knew how to make puns" Yang told Russel.
"I don't" Russel said.
JED: No worries. Now I noticed y'all brought some crosses to burn. If ya run out, don't worry, 'cause Jim brought more in his truck!
RUSSEL: That's uh... really not necessary-
JED: Jim, how many more crosses we got in that truck!?
JIM: 'Bout a few!
JED: 'Bout a few.
RUSSEL: This is going to be a long crusade. Listen up! Those who have come to serve the unyielding Word of our Almighty God. We've come together this night, under the glow of the London inferno in the eyes of our Lord for one divine reason... [drapes an extravagant stole around his shoulders] FUCK THE NEW POPE!
"WHAT!" Summer screamed.
[Everyone begins cheering. Scenes of Pope Francis in real life are seen as Russel talks.]
RUSSEL: That Argentinian windbag has ruined us! Prattling on and on about the poor! We are the house of God, not a fucking soup kitchen!
ANDREA: Thank you! Even we're sick of feeding people, and we're Italian!
"What does race have to do with anything?" Qrow sad.
RUSSEL: And what does he do with the golden throne? Replaces it with a wooden chair! Probably carved by more poor people!
DIEGO: Jesus was a king first, carpenter second!
RUSSEL: And do not start me on the homosexuals! Oh, if you love them so much, why don't you fucking marry them?! You seem so okay with the concept!
PUISER: Yeah, fuck bro! It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and another dude and they're havin' sex!
"There's nothing wrong with being gay!" Ruby defended.
RUSSEL: And he has the gall to renounce the Old Testament as mere stories! "We should be more like Jesus and congregate with whores, and homosexuals, and poor people!"
BARTLOMIEJ: Yeah! Perhaps we can all just agree that, maybe, Jesus WASN'T the son of God!
"Okay, What!" Summer screamed again.
RUSSEL: We are the congregation of a wrathful God. We shall begin a new Papal succession, and I shall lead us in a Ninth Crusade, for I am your leader... THE NEW POPE! And after we are finished purging England of its demons and heathens, WE... WILL...
JED: ROUND UP ALL THOSE DIRTY NI-
RUSSEL: Okay, you need to chill!
[Series logo appears.]
"What was Jed about to say?" Ruby asked.
"I don't know?" Yang shrugged.
"Probably something racist" Blake said.
I can't believe nobody is commenting about me replacing the name's of the ghouls that attacked Integra to Red and Blue characters