[INTRO]
Cardin: The following is a fan-based parody! Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and is licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation! Please, support the official release! Piracy's a sin! And ya know how I hate that!
[open on Russel happily abusing his new power and position]
Russel: For ye are the temple of the living God! As God hath said, "I will dwell in them, and walk in them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them and be ye separate," sayeth the Lord. "And touch not the unclean thing, and I will receive you!"
What does that mean?" Ruby asked.
"There quotes from the bible... I think" Summer told her.
Boy: Mommy? What's that man talking about?
Russel: Yes, my poor Christians, we have come to save you!
"Maybe they aren't actually evil?" Ruby said.
"Then what was with the ending to episode 6?" Yang asked.
"We could have interpreted it wrong" Ruby answered.
"Man: Hooray, it's the Catholic Church!
Russel: FROM YOURSELVES!
Man: Oh, no, it's the Catholic Church..
"Nope, sorry Ruby you were wrong" Yang told her.
"Aaaaw" Ruby whined at her mistake.
[Iscariot forces begin assaulting London]
Russel: Yes! Cleanse the Earth of these sinners! May the Lord have mercy, for I. HAVE. NONE!
"Wow, he's gone batshit crazy" Qrow noticed.
[cut to Weiss and company witnessing this]
Weiss: You know, I think your boy Russel's letting his new authority get to his head a little.. you should probably have a talk with him.
"Yes you should" Weiss said agreeing with her other self.
Coco: He's.. he's just under a lot of pressure!
"Why am I defending that bastard?" Coco asked rhetorically.
Russel: You do not deserve God's MERCY! If He will not turn you to the afterlife, THEN I WILL!
Coco: I mean, words only have as much meaning as we give them!
"Yes cause that's open to interpretation" Weiss said.
Russel: Sinners will be allowed no quarter! Kill them all! LET GOD SORT THEM OUT!
"Okay Russ your becoming pretty terrifying here" Sky told his friend unnerved by his insanity.
Weiss: You're right! A lot open to interpretation there.
"See, other me agrees!" Weiss told herself rhetorically.
Coco: Perhaps one of us should have a talk with him..
Russel: I SHALL BE THE NEW GOD OF THIS WORLD!
"Wow, such a Kira wannabe" Nora said.
"What are you talking about?" Ren asked curious about this Kira.
"I... don't know?" Nora said perplexed at her own words before forgetting about it.
Cardin: Aye, let me go have a wee chat.
Weiss: Oh, I have an idea!
"Oooh, what she going to say?" Ruby asked with anticipation.
Cardin: ..Woman!
Weiss: Why not write down a formal protest?
Cardin: Don't you dare!
Weiss: You can nail it to his door..
Cardin: Don't you fuckin' dare!
Weiss: Like a Protestant!
"Oomph, way to put salt on the wound" Yang told Weiss.
[the Iscariots point their guns at Weiss, only to be blown back by Ruby upon her arrival]
"Yay, I'm here now!" Ruby said. "Seems like you got over that traumatic experience quickly her sister noticed.
"Well whenever something bad happens you should look at at the good side of things" Ruby told Yang.
"And what's the good side?" Yang asked quizzically raising an eyebrow.
"I'm a badass now! And I have a cool new arm!" She said.
"Ooookay" Yang replied swiveling her head.
Cardin: Well, if it isn't Alucard's sidekick! Back for more of what I gave ya last time?
Ruby: Why don't you try sticking it in me again? I might like it this time.
"Whoa, Ruby didn't you were a masochist" Blake said teasing her leader.
"I'm not!" Ruby squeaked, blushing rose red.
Coco: Father Winchester!
Cardin: Context, Coco!
"Wow never thought I'd seen the day where Cardin preached about context" Velvet said.
Weiss: Ruby, report! And.. e-explain!
Ruby: Base is secure! Everyone's dead. Ate Oscar; full-fledged vampire now!
Cardin: And you're going to die a full-fledged vampire! It's a shame your blood sugar daddy won't be here to see it!
Ruby and Jaune stuttered and blushed red at Father Winchester's words.
[Ready to Die by Andrew W. K. plays from Alucard's ship as it sails into the harbor]
"Whoa epic entrance Jaune!" "This music's awesome!" "Go fearless leader!" people shouting encouragement and praises to Jaune on-screen counter-part.
Alucard: Well, well, well.. I leave for a day and.. the Catholics are crusading, while the White Fang are invading! Cardin! It's been only two days, but it feels like years! And you, uhm.. how are.. I wanna say.. Logan? Cardin, what's this guy's name?
"Hey, My name's Sun not Logan!" Sun yelled angry at Alucard's mistake.
Sun: (Growl)
Alucard: Oh, better watch out for "Hmm-hmm!"
Weiss: ALUCARD!
Alucard: WHAT?!
Weiss: Release restraint level!
"Wait there's another restraint level!" Weiss shouted.
"Just when we think he couldn't get more powerful" Winter said in shock.
Jed Forest: Now, hold your horses! I don't know who y'all think ya are, but my name's Jed Forest of the South Carolina Baptist Conf-
"Can someone please shut him up" Blake said with a twitch in her eye.
Alucard: Shh-shh-shh-shhhh.. do you hear that?
Jed Forest: Do I hear wha-?
[gunshot]
Alucard: Hmm, must have just been the wind.
"Thank you" Blake said courteously even though the characters on screen couldn't hear her.
Weiss: Fuck it; dropping the formalities! Alucard! ...Go for a walk.
"Ooooh" Yang exhaled in anticipation something good had happen!
Alucard: [exhales] When hope is gone, undo this lock... and send me forth.. for a moonlit walk! Release restraint level.. Zero.
"Of course, his chanting would be about walking" Weiss said chuckling.
"Well if he didn't take midnight walks the entire series wouldn't have begun" Ruby said before Yang interrupted.
"Shut up! Something is about happen and I won't have people speaking over it!" she cried.
[Ready to Die begins playing again before transitioning into Party Party Party]
"The opening theme's playing!" Nora shouted.
"Things are getting good!" Coco yelled.
"SHUTUP" Yang yelled again.
Father Andrea Marco: Guys, I, uh, don't want to jinx it.. but I think we got him- [gets beheaded] AAHHHH!
"Get Dunked On!" Nora shouted.
"I feel like she stole that line from somewhere?" Ren muttered to himself.
Adam: And this boot has finally dropped!
Weiss: I think it's worth noting that this is the first time he's ever followed my orders without any back-sass! It's simultaneously satisfying.. and disappointing.
"How is disappointing?" Weiss asked too herself.
"You'll get if you ever get your own subordinates" Winter told her.
Russel: S-send in the reinforcements! Send in the Mexican Inquisition!
Don Diego De La Vega: They expected us.. they expected all of us! DIOS MIO! [they scream as they're overrun]
"That's what you get for being the bad guys!" Ruby yelled.
Russel: ..Send in the Salvation Army!
Abbot Puiser: Holy fuck, bros! This is what we get for sticking our necks out! [they're overrun as well]
Russel: Send in the forces of the Temple Beth Zion!
Man: They fucked off before the battle even STARTED!
"Well they were smart" Coco said.
Bartłomiej Jeleniak: Seriously! I can't believe they thought we were going to help them! [they laugh] That's for the Rhineland Massacres, you schmuck!
Russel: JEWS!
Adam: It's kind of hilarious in a mundane way, isn't it?
"What is?" Ruby asked.
Russel: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
Dr. Merlot: What is, Herr Major?
Russel: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
Adam: That none of these waffle munchers ever put it together that "Alucard" backwards is-
Russel: DRACULA!
"Who's Dracula?" Nora asked
HE'S A MONSTER BASED OF JAUNE
"That's so cool! You're a monster Jaune!" Nora told her leader.
"I... don't think I should be proud of that" he told the hyperactive girl while sweatdropping.
Dr. Merlot: To be fair, how long did it take for us to figure that out?
Adam: A fair point. But, we were very busy planning World War III!
Dr. Merlot: True.. also, I believe our forces are being quite literally slaughtered!
Adam: Ha! Who gives a shit? They're White Fang!
"You don't even care about your own forces!?" Ironwood accused Adam who gritted his teeth while his on the armrests tightened.
"there losses would help further the White Fang's goal" he growled out. Even Sienna looked shocked at what he said.
Russle: All remaining forces, form up and protect your Neo-Pope! [his airlifted truck is attacked and begins to fall] AHHH! [he's knocked out of the sky and finds himself surrounded by Alucard's familiars] AHH! [they claw at the box, but can't get in] Ha! Stupid demon zombies! Claw away all you want; the only thing that can pierce my holy Pope box is the will of God Hims- [a bayonet appears and shatters the box]
"Oof, talk about irony~" Coco said.
Cardin: [laughs]
Russel: CARDIN! POR QUE?!
Cardin: It is the sacred duty of the Iscariot Organization to punish the demon, the heretic.. and the false God!
"BURN!" Yang called out over the sound of music, fighting and moaning ghouls.
Russel: [gasps]
Cardin: Also, you're a daft cunt!
"That's true" Velvet said.
Russel: [cries] CARDIN! CARDIN, I DON'T DESERVE THIS!
Cardin: "Sinners will be allowed no quarter; kill them all, and let God sort them out."
Russel: AAAAGHH! [screams as he's impaled and killed by the familiars]
"Eh, I'm glad he died" Russel said.
Coco stared at him "You do know he's you?".
"Eh, he was a dick" Russel said with the same amount of disinterest as before.
[cut to Ruby and Weiss.. taking in the bloodbath]
Ruby: So.. this is restraint level zero, huh?
Weiss: These are five hundred years and change of souls that Alucard has consumed. After a while, he stopped actually killing people himself and started hanging around battlefields, letting others do it for him.
Ruby: How many souls has he...?
Weiss: Chowed down on? Oh.. two million.. ish? He calls it his.. [sighs] #LifeHack.
"Two million souls?!" Roman said.
"No wonder nobody could kill him would need to stab him two million times" He finished.
Ruby: [sighs] He would.
Weiss: [sighs and inhales] ...Let's go welcome him back!
[cut to Cardin mourning Russel]
Cardin: I'm not sorry for what I did, Russel.. but I am sorry I had to do it.
[flashes back to him meeting Russel as a child]
Cardin: And what has brought you to our sanctuary of love and brotherhood, my boy?
Russel: I have terrible guilt and rage inside me that can only be quelled by the blood and subjugation of the unclean!
"Wow, so he was insane even as a kid, huh?" Qrow said.
"Though what's this rage and guilt he says that's inside him? Some sort of traumatic experience maybe?" Ozpin theorized.
Cardin: Oh, ho, you'll fit right in!
[present]
Cardin: You were a good boy, Russel.. shame you were such a shit man. [over the communication device] To the Iscariot Order and all surviving Crusaders: fall back to the Vatican!
Coco: But Father Cardin, we still have our orders and-
Cardin: You don't have to follow orders when your leader's actin' like a daft cunt! Also, Maxwell's dead, so..
Coco: Oh, that's a.. tragedy...
"Hah, other me doesn't even sound convincing!" Coco said laughing.
Cardin: Don't weep for the stupid, you'll be cryin' all day. Now, follow my orders! There's somethin' I must take care of..
Coco: Father Winchester.. there is no way you can beat Alucard as he is now!
Cardin: Maybe you're right, Coco.. but I want to take a stab at it anyway!
"Stab pun" Yang suddenly said "He uses bayonets to stab people, it's a stab pun".
"Greaaat, you got the pun, your now the Queen of Puns" Weiss bestow in a annoyed manner.
"Queen of Puns, eh kekekekeke~" Yang giggled mischievously.
"Weiss don't give her ideas!" Ruby shouted in warning.
[cut to Ruby and Weiss greeting Count Dracula]
Weiss: I'm not sure we've technically met.
"What do you mean?" Ruby asked naively
"She means while we met Alucard we never met his true self Dracula" Weiss explained.
Dracula: It is an honor, my Master, Sir Weiss Hellsing. Please.. just call me Drac.
"Bad nickname aside, he's actually nice how can he and alucrd even be the same person?" Coco asked.
"Split personality disorder?" Ozpin inferred.
Weiss: ..I don't think I'm going to do that.
Dracula: As you wish.
Ruby: Uh..'ello! Master, uh.. it's me! Heh.. th-the-the police girl! [he reaches out for her] EEK!
Dracula: Ah, good.. it warms this long-dead heart of mine to see you so grown up.. Ruby Rose.
Taiyang looked at Jaune with jealousy, he was her father not him! He remembered how Ruby used to act this way when he came home from a job.
"Does anyone think that Jaune would be a great father?" Coco said.
"Of course!" Pyrrha blurted out before blushing.
Ruby: [squees]
"Aaaaaw" Yang crowed "You sound so cute!" she said before putting her sister in a bearhug.
Weiss: Aw, this is nice..
"Don't ruin the moment Weiss!" Yang threatened
Cardin: ALUCARD! [shows up and attacks Count Drac]
"You ruined the moment! Damn you Cardin!" Yang yelled turning her ire on the character to the back.
Dracula: Alucard is not here right now; you face Count Dracula of Wallachia.
"He's a Count as well!?" Weiss asked in shock.
"Why are you so cool other me" Jaune muttered.
Cardin: Call yourself whatever ya want, ya crazy vampire bastard! I'm here to cleanse the Earth of your filth, once and for all!
Dracula: Many have tried and failed. Yet, if it is my fate to fall to your blade.. then let it be so, worthy opponent.
"Does anyone just realize he called Cardin a worthy opponent?" Nora asked.
"Not our Cardin, this Cardin" Ren clarified.
"I know! But it's weird" Nora whined.
Cardin: ..Time the fuck out! If we're doin' this - and we ARE doing this - I'm not gonna come swinging at "Dracula!" I'm killin' ALUCARD!
"Aren't they the same person just different names and personalities?" Weiss asked.
"I mean I guess you could Cardin and Alucard had an relationship? Maybe that's why?" Velvet said.
Dracula: You do know that it's just my name spelled-
Cardin: OF COURSE I DO! SHUT UP AND BRING HIM OUT! [attacks again]
Alucard: Very well.. if you insist!
[beat]
Alucard: Hey there, Padre! How's little Timmy? You know what's good for getting cum stains out of altar boy robes? Holy water! Didja miss me?
"That's a great entrance!" Qrow said.
"What the transformation or the speech?" Winter asked him.
"Both" Qrow clarified.
Cardin: Like coke after Lent!
Alucard: Wait, are we talking cola or cocai- [is cut off by Cardin's assault] Hope you don't mind, I brought some friends! ..Associates? Slaves. I, I brought slaves.
"Why am I licking my gun?' Emerald said in a disgusted manner.
"That's the only question you have?" Mercury asked her with a raised eyebrow.
Cardin: The more, the merrier!
Alucard: [narrating Cardin's approach] The runner takes his mark, the starting gun is fired, and it's off to the races, folks! He swings to the left, he swings to the right! He's right in the thick of it, ladies and gentlemen, and what's this? Oh, it's a regular ol' bayonet jamboree! And who's this squaring up against him, standing 8'5" and weighing in at 600lbs? It's Big Barry! Better watch out, he's got no gag reflex! And he's a hugger! But wait, there's more!
"How did he make an exploding bayonet chain?! How did he hide an exploding bayonet chain?! I want an exploding bayonet chain?! GIVE ME!" Ruby yelled in excitement leaping at the screen or tried to the unknown force kept her butt attached to her chair.
[the remaining Iscariot forces show up to assist Cardin]
Coco: Velvet, do the thing!
Velvet: (Speaking Japanese) [The death of Big Barry has been sponsored by the Iscariot Order]
"she's speaking that moonspeak thing again!" Nora noticed.
"What is Moonspeak?" Velvet wondered.
Cardin: Velvet! Coco! I gave you express bloody orders to-
Coco: We don't have to follow orders when our leader's acting like a daft cunt!
"BURN!" Most of the audience yelled out.
Cardin: ..That's the only time you get to call me any kind of cunt!
"Not for me, you cunt!" Coco yelled at Cardin.
"Why do you hate me so much?" Cardin said exasperated.
"Isn't it obvious, you're a racist cunt who bullied my friend! Of course, I'd hate you!" She yelled.
Alucard: She is sassy as fuck! Holy shit, I like her!
"Oh, really Jaune? ~" Coco said seductively "Do you really like me? ~".
Jaune blushed and tried to stammer out a apology while Pyrrha glared at Coco.
Coco: Iscariot! Do you want to live forever?
Paladins: We will live forever! In God's grace!
Alucard: Y'all know you're Naruto running, right?
"What type run is the naruto run?" Winter asked
IT'S A SPECIAL TYPE OF RUN THAT IS AERODYNAMIC AND CAN MAKE PEOPLE RUN AT SUPERSONIC SPEEDS
"Really?" Ironwood asked.
NO
Man: God... IS GREAT! [sets off a suicide bomb]
Alucard: Ninja Catholic suicide bombers! [laughs] What a fun day! [Multiple suicide bombers shouting "GOD IS GREAT!"] Is it racist to say that sounds better in Arabic?
"That sounds like the minions for the final boss fight" Mercury said.
Cardin: Any last words, monster?
Alucard: Have you ever thought about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink, ooh, you know, before they wake up in an hour? Oh, sweet, you've got some on ya!
"What's in that box?" Ruby asked.
"I dunno but I'm getting weird vibes from it" Jaune said. His discomfort wasn't alone both Ozpin and Salem could also feel something in there.
Cardin: ...I forgive you.
"WHAT!" the audience yelled.
Alucard: ..Excuse me?
Cardin: Everything you've said, everything you've done.. I forgive you.
"Never thought Cardin was the forgiving type?" Coco said.
"He isn't" Jaune said knowing from experience.
Alucard: Well, isn't that convenient? But it's not up to you, is it? It's up to your precious God!
Cardin: You're right; would you like to speak to him?
"What?" Ozpin muttered how could talk to the Gods without the Relics.
Coco: Isn't that one of the nails that pierced Christ's body?
Velvet: (Speaking Japanese) Yup!
Coco: From the "Don't fuck with this" armory?!
Velvet: (Speaking Japanese) Yup!
Coco: Where they keep the Ark of the Covenant, the Dead Sea scrolls, and the ACTUAL Body of Christ?!
"WHAT?!" Summer yelled at the sentence.
Velvet: (Speaking Japanese) YUP!
Alucard: Ooh, la, la! You've got a nail with some Savior juice on it! What'cha gonna do, stab me through the heart?
Cardin: Not yours..
"What is Cardin going to do?" Ruby asked curiously eyes glued to the screen.
Alucard: No, no, no!
Cardin: Mine.
"So what he's going to kill himself?" Mercury said in confusion
Alucard: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!
[he attacks Cardin, but Cardin manages to pierce his own heart with the nail]
Cardin: Through the Ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace. And I absolve you from your sins; in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit! AMEN!
"What the hell happened to him?" Coco said.
Salem answered "He threw away his humanity and became a monster to defeat Alucard" Salem said.
"Notthat he will" she added.
[his bayonet pierces Alucard's head and he loses consciousness]
Alucard: Ugh.. SHIT, this hurts! ..This is a deep pain! Oh! Ooh, and it gets worse!
"Is he actually dying?!" Ruby yelled.
"Are we not gonna notice that he likes it!?" Yang said.
"Now's not the time Yang!" Ruby retorted.
GOL: Jaune Arc of Wallachia.. Son of the Dragon, the Impaler.
"So wait, God's a faunus?" Cardin asked
"No, that not GOD, that' the God of Light" Ozpin told the audience.
Alucard: OH, fuck me, he wasn't kidding! [sniffs] Hello, GOL!
GOL: Dracula.
Alucard: Actually, I go by "Alucard" now!
GOL: Hold that thought. [begins to cleanse the souls trapped within Alucard]
"Whoah!" Nora yelled.
"Damn" Ironwood said GOL was easily killing this entire army in seconds.
Alucard: Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?! Hey, hey! Stop that! STOP THAT! THOSE ARE MINE!
"He sounds like a guy losing his furniture to taxes" Qrow said.
"You would know" Winter told him.
GOL: I am forgiving your sins, and releasing the damned souls you have imprisoned within you.
Alucard: [laughs] Ho-ho-hold on.. You've got a problem with people using others for their own ends? What, should I be giving you credit for the IDEA? Is that it?!
GOL: What is the source of your anger, child?
"Isn't omniscient shouldn't he already know?"
"The GOL isn't omniscient" Ozpin told them.
Alucard: Fuck you! You're omniscient, you already know.
'Maybe am wrong' Ozpin thought.
GOL: Yes. I want you to SAY it..
Alucard: ...
GOL: [sighs] Was it the ten years of ra-?
Alucard: It was the ten years of RAPE! Nailed it like the FUCKING Romans! Let me ask ya something, "Yahweh"; which set of prints were yours in the sand? The hand prints, the knee prints, OR the footprints behind THOSE?!
"WHAT!?" the audience yelled.
YEAH REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU HIS FATHER WAS BAD.
"Your saying he-" Ruby stammered before getting interrupted.
GOL: I have a plan for everyone.
'Do you? Really?' Ozpin thought drinking coffee in order to hie his expression.
Alucard: And what's the plan for the starving children in.. [laughs] I don't know, in "name an African country?" Is it for them to die? Because, if so, KILLER plan! BUT, do you know who WAS there for me? Who answered my prayers, FINALLY? Here, let's put 'im on!
GOL: I saw this coming, but I'm still not looking forward to it.
[Dialtone]
GOD: Hi, Brother!
Ozpin and Salem almost did a spit take. They knew that voice, it was the God of Darkness! But they were shocked at confused at how he sounded whiny and prepubescent.
GOL: Hi, Darkness.
GOD: Hey, so.. I know it's been a while, but, y'know.. again, so sorry for what happened to your son. That was just terrible.
GOL: Mmhmm.
"He sounds like he doesn't even care" Velvet noticed.
GOD: Remember; if you ever want to talk about it, I'm there for you. Well, you know what I mean. "Down here" for you, 'cause you sent me here to Hell, but that's okay.. Ah, and, by the way if you ever want to stop by, I make some KILLER avocado toast; you wouldn't believe it.
"Does he really?" Salem asked Ozpin.
"Why are you asking me?" He told her, she just shrugged.
GOL: Mmhmm..
GOD: But anyways.. Alucard has been a super-huge help down here. Uh, really cleaning up the place.. I just wanted to thank you for forsaking him and sending him our way. Thank you so much.
"Wow Jaune sounds like a real miracle worker!" Nora said.
GOL: Mmhmm.
GOD: By the way, uh, while I got you here, could you maybe ease up on the requirements for getting in to Heaven? You know, it's just that Hell is getting a wee bit full down here.. [laughs] It's really-
"He hanged up on him?" Ruby asked shocked.
"That meanie!" she said pumping her fist at the screen.
GOL: Anyway, Alucard.. you are forgiven. And if you are brave enough to accept it-
Alucard: Didn't ask; don't need it, go fuck yourself!
"But why wouldn't he except forgiveness?" Ruby asked too young to truly know what he means.
GOL: Hmm..
GOD: That's a pretty fair offer, Alucard. What are you going to do?
Alucard: The same thing we agreed to all those years ago. As I lay there, betrayed by the Lord I thought on my side.. made a monster in his name... I swore I would not allow another monster like myself to exist in this world!
"Damn!" Yang yelled at that speech.
"Go Jauney!" Nora yelled.
GOD: [laughs and sighs] Hey, by the way, can I get my dogs back?
Alucard: NO, THEY'RE MINE NOW!
[regains consciousness and rips out Cardin's heart]
"Woah!" the audience went.
"He did it!" Nora yelled.
Cardin: Ugh.. It looks like you got what you've always wanted, Alucard.
Alucard: I didn't want this..
"I can't believe I actually feel sorry for that dick" Coco said.
Cardin: You stole my heart..
"Literally" Yang punned tears filling in her eyes.
Alucard[crying]: Oh.. fu-fuckin' come on, man..
Cardin: [coughs] Times like this.. I'm reminded of one of my favorite verses; "Whosoever shed man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed. For in the image of God, made He man."
Alucard: ..What chapter is that verse from?
Cardin: Boondock Saints. [laughs] Ah, my favorite movie..
"Call back to the first episode" Nora said.
Alucard: [laughs] ..Fuckin' called it.
Cardin: Alucard, I hate you.. but I understand you. You seek out your own justice to right the countless wrongs you have committed; to find forgiveness, and salvation.. But when you find it.. will you accept it? As a man, much like you, once lost, adrift in the mad world.. I made peace with my demons. May I tell you how?
The audience was now bawling their eyes out. The scene was very emotional!
Alucard: Of course.. my friend.
Cardin: I-
Ozpin: [crushes Cardin's remains with his foot] Said three Hail Marys, ate my vitamins, fucked off and died, Amen.
Alucard: OZPIN!
"OZPIN!" Most of the audience screamed in rage while the man who did the deed looked at the screen in shock and sadness why did his other self not let Cardin say his last words, and did he get younger!?
[CArdin Winchester plays]
~ALUCARD~
How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman
Dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot
in an Italian village without a roof for sleeping under
Grow up to be a deadly demon hunter?
~RUBY~
The Paladin, Catholic father without a father
Got a lot farther by working a lot harder
By being a lot smarter, by being a self-starter at fourteen
Who knew he was gonna become a martyr?
~ADAM~
Then a vampire came and devastation reigned
our man saw this monster sucking blood from people's veins
So he took a holy blade and he stabbed it in the brain
the vampire was slain; the incident lit a flame!
~ALUCARD~
Well, the word got around, they said, "This kid is insane, man!"
Took up a collection just to send him to the Vatican
Get your ordination, don't forget from whence you came
And the world's gonna know your name
What's your name, man?!
~CHOIR~
Cardin Winchester!
"Wow! Cardin got his own song!" Ruby said.
They all sympathized with Cardin through the song he must have been through hell and back in order to get to the man he was now.