Roman was sitting against the wall, reading a book in his bedroom. Well, not really. He was completely engrossed as he watched everything go down in his head, reality completely forgotten as he read.
"Hello?" Someone enunciated oddly and Roman felt himself shift slightly, pulling him violently out of the book. Roman dropped it and jumped, looking around wildly. "Woah, woah, kiddo, it's me!" Patton said, holding up his hands as if to say he was disarmed. Roman looked at him in confusion for a moment.
"Uh, Patton, hi," Roman mumbled, blinking hard, trying to focus on the room and bring moisture back to his eyes.
"You maybe have that music on too loud if you couldn't hear me," Patton said sweetly. Music? Roman reached up and felt headphones on his ears. Roman looked down at his phone to see the album ended, and nothing was playing.
"I, uh, the album finished," Roman stammered, holding up his phone to show Patton. "How long have you been here?"
"A minute or two. I knocked at first, sorry I spooked you again, there, pal," Patton said reassuringly.
"It's, um, alright," Roman stuttered again, feeling incredibly shaken and confused at reality in general. "What's, uh, what do you need?"
"Oh, we were going to start the movie soon, and you said you were interested in joining us the other day. I thought I should offer," Patton explained with a soft smile. "Are you doing alright?"
"Um, sure," Roman said, still feeling kind of lost. He picked up his book and grumbling when he realized he lost his page and he had no idea where he was. Roman slid the receipt he found in the cover of the book to the last chapter he could be sure he read. "I'm, um, fine," Roman exhaled and tried to force himself to be okay.
"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means," Patton said humorously.
"Well, then, I'm a raging dumpster fire and life goes on without me being fine," Roman said glibly. Patton sputtered. "What are we watching and will there be popcorn?" Roman asked as Patton looked deeply... something. Roman just watched Patton… do whatever was happening warily. Roman was glad the bed was so large as Patton flailed briefly… in frustration, maybe? Roman wasn't sure. Either way, he was pretty terrified. "I, uh, can just stay up here in my room or whatever," Roman offered quietly, afraid of whatever was happening right now.
"What? No! No, you're welcome to come downstairs and watch…" Patton said, distractedly, trailing off.
"O-okay?" Roman stammered, still leaning away from Patton and watching him carefully. Virgil peeked his head in the room and made a face at him.
'Come on,' Virgil signed, looking annoyed.
"I-I'm not sure what's happening with Patton?" Roman said nervously with a shrug, his eyes flitting between Virgil and Patton.
'What did you do to him?' Virgil signed, looking at Patton who seemed far away.
"I don't know!" Roman said desperately flailing his hands, hoping whatever was going on would end soon.
'Dude,' Virgil fingerspelled. 'You broke him,'
"Well, I certainly didn't mean to!" Roman shot.
"Guys, what's the holdup?" Thomas called from the bottom of the stairs. Roman jumped at the sound. Virgil shrugged and slipped from the doorway quickly to clear the way for Thomas.
"Um, there-there?" Roman said, keeping his distance from Patton in case he flailed again. Roman shifted a little farther away from him. "I'm sorry?" Roman said, feeling unsure and scared. Patton may as well have been catatonic. What the fuck did Roman do?
Thomas leaned in from the doorway and looked at the two of them.
"Um, I tried to tell Patton I'm sorry but I don't know if he's listening or what's happening and I'm really sorry I don't know what I did wrong but I'll try not to do it again-" Roman rambled quickly at Thomas.
"Hey, slow down Roman. Breathe," Thomas said, stepping into the room and patting Patton on the shoulder. "Pat, you're scaring Roman. Let's go watch a movie," Thomas said gently. Patton seemed to snap out of it as Thomas pulled him up by the arm.
"Oh, right, yes! The movie! The Princess Bride!" Patton said loudly and suddenly, causing Roman to jump back and hit his head against the wall again. Roman hissed in pain but stayed quiet as he leaned forward and rubbed the back of his head.
"Oh, kiddo, are you okay?" Patton asked and turned around quickly, reaching out for Roman. Roman nodded furiously and stared at him wide-eyed.
"Let's give Roman his space," Thomas suggested gently. Patton dropped his arm. "Is that 'finding the wall'?" Thomas asked as he pulled Patton away. Roman just nodded again.
"I'm so sorry for scaring you again," Patton said morosely, rubbing his arm. "I'll go make that popcorn," He said after a moment of tensely staring at each other and left the bedroom.
"It's my fault," Roman whispered sullenly and stared at the bed.
"I didn't catch that," Thomas said, thankfully keeping his distance.
"It's my fault, I'm sorry," Roman muttered, his voice cracking slightly. "I-I keep upsetting him and I don't know how to stop," He ran his hand harshly through his hair and pressed against the cool wall as he tried to catch his breath.
"Patton's got a big heart, and he feels things strongly. He once cried because he forgot he finished a chocolate bar. But… your earlier conversation shook him. It's not your fault," Roman froze and stared at Thomas. "Deep breath, Roman, it's okay, he's not mad at you. I'm not mad either. You've… implied a few times that you had a rough go of things," Thomas said carefully.
"So has Virgil, but you don't see him pissing off Patton 3 times in one day," Roman grumbled angrily at himself, digging his nails into his palm.
"What are you talking about?" Thomas raised an eyebrow at Roman. Roman just huffed. That's Virgil's information to share if he wanted to. He wasn't saying anything else about him and fucking up again. Roman hunched over and folded his arms. "How about I get you some water to cool down?" Thomas offered.
"I'm not helpless, Thomas, I can use a water pitcher," Roman grunted into his blanket.
"I know you can. I'm offering because I care. Patton is… unsettled by your past treatment and the way you view things. We're not sure you have the right impression of what may have happened to you," Thomas said carefully.
"I was there, I've got an excellent idea of what happened," Roman crossed his arms and looked away. "I'm fine. I'm alive and breathing, and looking forward to popcorn," Roman insisted, wanting to drop it.
"I think you're functioning on a different definition of 'fine', Roman," Thomas echoed Patton's earlier statement, though Patton was probably just referencing the movie, and Roman hadn't realized it.
"Then, it's another thing I don't understand," Roman grumbled. "But I do understand that popcorn is delicious and the Princess Bride is a brilliant movie," Roman said, trying to switch subjects. He shifted across the mattress to get out of bed.
"Roman, I think we might need to have a more complete conversation about this later," Thomas said, moving out of the way for Roman to pass him to head downstairs.
"Getting that cool-down water," Roman mumbled as he passed him. He was dodging this conversation as long as he could. They never went well for him in the end, even if he wasn't already going to get the boot from Patton and Thomas. Roman didn't like the feeling of being given up on. If they never got to start, then he wouldn't have to deal with that all over again.
Thomas followed him downstairs quietly, letting Roman drop the subject. Virgil called him a fuckhead as he passed, so Roman called him a bitch. Virgil was perched on the arm of the couch as usual. Roman would eat his shoe if Virgil wasn't gay. The kid couldn't sit in a chair right to save his life. Roman poured himself a glass of water and chugged it. Roman also couldn't remember to drink water to save his life. Was that a straight thing? Or just a fuck up thing?
Roman sat on the couch and pulled his feet up, holding his legs while he waited for Patton to return from… wherever he went. He looked curiously to Virgil across the way on the other end of the couch.
'Did you not tell them?' He signed over to him.
'No. What are you asking?' Virgil signed back.
'That you got hit,' Roman clarified.
'I don't tell them things,' Virgil paused for a moment, possibly considering how to word it. 'In general. No important things,' he finished.
'I wish I was that smart,' Roman signed back with a sour expression.
'Me too,' Virgil replied with a smirk. God, what was his deal? 'No sad. Movie time,' Virgil signed after he misinterpreted Roman's annoyed expression. 'Text me which book you were reading later,' He added after Patton had finally come back downstairs.
"Sorry for the wait, kiddos, I had to make a phone call," Patton said as he descended. "I'll pop those popperoonis, you guys can start without me,"
"I already have it handled," Thomas called from the kitchen. "Be right out, it's just starting to pop," Roman could start smelling the artificial buttery goodness filling the air. Patton grabbed the remote and started the movie. Roman leaned back and sighed. Patton shot Roman and concerned glance, but he really didn't seem mad. Roman pressed against the edge of the couch instinctively, either way, but tried to focus on the movie. He really did like The Princess Bride.
Thomas came out into the living room with 3 bowls of popcorn, handing one of the smaller ones to Roman and the other smaller one to Virgil, then settled down next to Patton with what was probably a shared bowl. It was considerate of Thomas to give him his own bowl so he could have his space. He was probably used to it from Virgil, but it was still considerate. Roman gave Thomas a grateful look and Thomas smiled in return and turned his head to watch the movie.
After maybe 20 minutes into the movie and careful attempts to breathe evenly, Roman was feeling a little better. He couldn't stop himself from muttering his favourite lines under his breath, which got a funny look from Virgil, but otherwise didn't seem to bother Thomas or Patton any further, which was soothing. Thomas was so into the movie that Roman wouldn't be surprised if he jumped up and acted it out. Roman would probably join him, too. As dorky as it would be, Roman would have fun. This family was full of dorks, anyway. Roman wouldn't have taken Virgil as a book nerd, but talking about a book was literally the first social thing he suggested. Maybe he also read them for escapist reasons.
Roman mindlessly munched the popcorn while he got wrapped up in the movie and enjoyed the ride. It wasn't the first family movie night he had been to, but it was probably the least eventful. There wasn't arguing over the movie, fighting over popcorn, and he didn't have to watch the other kids while he was doing it. There was something melancholy about that, though. Maybe Roman's mood was just all over the place, or maybe he'd just rather feel useful instead of useless. Roman reached down into his bowl and came back with nothing, and looked bitterly down into the empty bowl. Roman set it down on the side table and pulled up one of his legs and leaned against the couch arm to watch the movie.
"So what are we feeling for dinner?" Thomas asked as the credits rolled on the screen.
'The souls of the innocent,' Virgil fingerspelled at Roman, who snickered.
'A bagel,' Roman fingerspelled back. Virgil silently laughed behind his hand.
"Was any of that dinner suggestions?" Thomas asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Nope," Roman chuckled.
'Pasta,' Virgil signed at Roman.
"Virgil votes pasta," Roman said.
"Yeah, pasta! How about carbonara?" Patton suggested, looking excited. He must still want bacon. Virgil nodded.
"Alright, I'll go start it. It's quick to make so expect dinner soon," Thomas said, getting up and heading to the kitchen. He felt like he should go help Thomas or something, but he didn't just want to fuck up more. Virgil got up and headed back upstairs. Roman felt like too much of a lazy asshole for stairs and just opted to curl up on the couch with the afghan.
"How are you feelin', kiddo? And no four-letter words," Patton asked and turned off the TV.
"Great. Wonderful. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," Roman deadpanned, pulling out his phone. Patton huffed, looking dissatisfied with the answer. "Would you rather me say something quite atrocious?" Roman continued his Mary Poppins reference after watching Patton pout.
"No, of course not," Patton frowned. Roman idly watched some recipe food porn videos with the sound off on the couch. He liked learning recipes, but mostly he enjoyed seeing what extremely ridiculous things people would make. He'd seen someone make a jalapeno popper, coat it in beef, bread it, and fry it again already. He had no idea who asked for that. But Virgil would probably eat it.
Roman chanced a glance at Patton, who seemed a little frustrated. Roman shrank a little away and balled up further on instinct. He sighed and went back to watching someone bread and fry lasagna slices like they were mozzarella sticks. Absolute madmen. If Roman ate more than 3 he'd probably get sick. Virgil would probably eat that, too. Roman got the impression Virgil was powered by a black hole, since he was as skinny as a tree branch and ate garbage. Roman could swear he could feel Patton's stare burning his skin. His skin crawled, and he exhaled dispassionately.
"Did… you need me to do something?" Roman asked carefully, shifting to look at Patton.
"Is there a reason I'm missing that you don't want to talk to us?" Patton asked, looking very hurt. Roman winced slightly.
"I don't think there's anything to talk about," Roman shrugged, trying not to look Patton in the face. He felt really guilty about whatever he did to earn the expression Patton was making.
"I- we think there is," Patton insisted, crossing his arms loosely.
"I'm sorry," Roman said automatically. "I'm stupid and can't see what the big deal is, I guess," Roman said in frustration and leaned back against the couch.
"You're not stupid, kiddo, I just don't think you have a very healthy view of the world," Patton explained slowly.
"World's terrible, trust no one, have fun before you die," Roman offered. It was basically Roman's motto. Ride the party bus and try not to get thrown under it is what Jet always said. Patton held up his finger and looked like he would say something. "My heart's still beating, I'm indoors, and get to eat food. As far as I'm concerned, I'm doing great," Patton made an odd strangled noise. "Sorry?" Roman winced. He just couldn't stop fucking up with him.
"You don't have to apologize, Roman, it's okay. I'll… stop pushing it for now. But please know you can talk to either of us at any time, okay?" Patton said, still looking pretty upset. Roman swallowed and nodded. "Are you ready for going to a new school tomorrow?" Patton added after a moment with a weak smile.
"Um, sure. They're all the same. Probably will need some folders or something, but I've got all the generic school supplies already," Roman shrugged.
"Are you excited to make some new friends?" Patton smiled a little more genuinely this time.
"Sure, I guess. I like meeting new people. The school is in walking distance so it'd be pretty easy to hang out before or after school… that is if I'm allowed to?" Roman said, realizing he didn't know the rules about that. They never sat him down and had a rules talk like other homes always did.
"Yes, of course! But be home by dinnertime unless we give you permission. We can talk about other things when they come up. Legal curfew around here is 9 PM for under 18, so you'll need to be home by then if you're out with friends. Are you interested in any extracurriculars?" Patton asked cheerily.
"I've never really looked into them," Roman shrugged slightly. He'd never had a reason to.
"Well, track or cross-country might work for you! You have a nice singing voice, so maybe choir might be fun?" Patton suggested.
"You, uh, heard me?" Roman flushed.
"That I did, champ! We sang Moana songs together in the kitchen. Well, I hummed it, but same difference. My singing voice is good for showers, cooing at dogs, and friendly karaoke, but I don't have a lot of skill. Thomas can sing, though, he's got a wonderful voice. He loves musical theatre and did productions in high school and college," Patton smiled wistfully. "He actually still does community theatre when he's not busy with a book,"
"Acting sounds fun, but I'm not smart enough to memorize lines or anything like that," Roman mumbled.
"Roman, I'm sure you're plenty smart and just aren't giving yourself the credit. You know all the words and pitches to the Moana songs we sang. That's not that far off," Patton insisted.
"How so?" Roman asked incredulously.
"How is it not? That's lines and delivery. I bet Thomas would be happy to run lines with you to help you memorize them just like learning the words to a song. Then you just add on expressing and moving from there," Patton smiled. Roman shivered. He couldn't ask Thomas to do all that for him.
"Uh, cross-country sounds kind of neat," Roman rubbed the back of his head, trying to change the subject. "I think if I got to pick any athletic thing, it would be parkour," Roman offered. He used to parkour. Kind of. It wasn't exactly recreational. But he'd rather not think about that. He just knew he would have liked the running and jumping stuff parts if the circumstances were different.
"Sorry, kiddo, they don't do parkour at the high school. Virgil was also interested, so I checked. They deemed it too dangerous for kids. But there's a parkour gym with classes for teens we could take you to?" Patton suggested brightly.
"Just me?" Roman asked warily.
"Well, it's not in walking or biking distance. Virgil gets panic attacks when he gets into a car, so I can't take him until he's less afraid of cars," Patton said, sounding disappointed. "We'd have to give him tranquilizers and obviously he can't do much after that. We try to avoid anything with cars so we don't have to put him through that,"
"Oh, that sucks," Roman said. That has to be a nightmare for him. Very literally. Roman felt terrible for Virgil. There was so much stuff he was cut off from.
"I could still take you?" Patton suggested again.
"Um, no, I don't think that's fair to Virgil," Roman grumbled. It really wasn't. He also didn't want Patton to spend any more money on him.
"Well, there's a skate park within walking distance you could practice at. I've seen kids do it there in passing," Patton smiled. "Virgil goes there sometimes with his skateboard. It would be great if you could keep an eye on each other. You're both old enough to be on your own in a safe environment, but I can get worried," Patton said, fiddling his thumbs.
"I'll, uh, keep that in mind," Roman said, a little awkwardly. At least they didn't offer to buy him anything this time, and this suggestion didn't require wasting time on him.
"Pat, will you get Virgil? Dinner's just about ready," Thomas called from the kitchen. Patton beamed at him and got off the couch and headed upstairs. Roman got up to go set the table for Thomas. The carbonara smelled amazing, and it smelled like Thomas also made garlic bread. He was going for seconds today, for sure. It smelled so good he thought he could finish it even if it hurt.