Chapter 28

Joel was still sitting on the bed, facing the other way while Ellie laid her gun on the bedside table. She was calming herself down by staring at her hands, and Joel was suddenly thinking back before the hassle had begun. They did have some unfinished businesses.

"What do you say if we get you some new bandages?" Joel asked while turning and getting up from the bed. He walked around it to her side, putting his bag on the ground to open it. Ellie shrugged, having a look at the wounds she had revealed from behind the bloody rags the same morning. They were already making good progress healing, and they didn't hurt like hell. She could walk without further pain and it felt nice after a few days of just lying in bed. Sure the wounds were ugly, but she thought they were kinda cool. Of course if you didn't think how she got them, that is. Getting over the mental and physical pain was yet to overcome, but she thought she was brave for still being there. The scars would stay there to prove it.

Joel pulled out the stuff he had found earlier that day and spread them on the bed next to Ellie. Lastly he pulled out the jeans and other clothes he had gotten for her, whenever she decided to change for new ones.
"I hope these fit ya" he said while offering them to the girl. Ellie sneered, grabbed the clothes and took a quick look at them.
"Well, the jeans only have three holes… but I guess they're alright" she scoffed, putting them down to see what else he had found. She saw a bunch of rags, ready to be spoiled with her blood.

"I don't think we need to wrap all of them. Let's just check your thigh and I think you'll be good" Joel explained, briefly pointing at her leg. Ellie suddenly awoke to the fact that the bedspread was still covering the huge wound, and she pushed it aside so Joel could see it. He leaned forwards, grabbing a rag with his other hand.
"I bet that hurts" he muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed while reaching for the leg. Ellie lifted it a bit, and Joel grabbed it to his lap to start wrapping.

Just before he had a chance to start, Ellie suddenly pulled the leg away bit to stop him. Joel lifted his eyes to her own to find a reason for this.
"Wait" she said, and Joel laid his other hand on her foot to stop her from pulling it all the way.
"What?"
"What if I changed first? I think I can move properly now and I need the new clothes before I can go outside" she proposed, cracking a bit of a smile on the side. Joel frowned his face, briefly gazing at the wound before returning his eyes on Ellie's face. She should definitely change her clothes to intact ones due the cold temperature, but Joel wasn't sure if she was ready to go out just yet.
"You sure about that? I don't think you should go out before you're absolutely sur…"
"I am sure!" Ellie hurried to answer, but got an uncertain look back from Joel. Once again he laid his eyes on the wound on her thigh, even though she had barely given him her toes before pulling the leg away. It was the worst one she had, but it seemed to be doing better than a day before.
"Well…" Joel muttered, furrowing his brows.
"Please! C'mon, I can totally move on my own" Ellie insisted while looking at his face. Joel kept his eyes on her leg before sighing deeply and letting her leg go. Ellie slowly pulled it back, lifting her eyebrows while staring at Joel. Even though she wanted to ask, she stayed quiet not to change Joel's mind.
"Okay, take them off. We'll put the new bandage under the new jeans" he gave in, nodding a few times. Ellie seemed to get excited about it, so he had to continue.
"But you still better stick to my orders" Joel noted after the agreement, making Ellie smile widely for the first time in days. He truly meant the last sentence, and doubted if Ellie had gotten it right.

"Great!" she rejoiced, moving her eyes to her ripped jeans. Before further thinking, she already started unbuttoning them. Then she remembered Joel who was still sitting on the edge of the bed, and stopped her hands where they were. Joel seemed to be thinking of his words, and whether Ellie would get too excited about finally getting out of bed. He was looking at the wooden floor, already sunken into his own thoughts.

"Hey, Joel" Ellie awoke him from his thoughts. Joel lifted his gaze to her face, then looking down very briefly.
"Oh, right" he sighed, shaking his head and getting up from the bed. He turned his back at the girl, who started taking off her jeans. After he had walked a few steps further away, he crossed his arms while waiting for her to finish. Ellie struggled not to make the fabric touch the huge wound, but managed to pull her pants over it without causing any further pain.

Even though their plan worked nicely until then, Joel soon realized something.
"I uh..." he muttered, getting Ellie's attention.
"I'm gonna have to put the bandage on first, anyway" Joel said while still staring at the door. Ellie had taken off her pants before noticing it, and she laid her eyes on the pile of rags next to her, furrowing her brows.

It's not like there was something unchristian about Joel seeing her without pants, but Ellie didn't feel comfortable with it. Even though it would've been awkward even without her past, it made her even more insecure. She had gone through a lot lately.

Ellie sighed, grabbing a rag and the bedspread after pushing the broken jeans on the floor. She pulled the bedspread to cover her lower body before she unfurled the cloth. It was a huge T-shirt, way too big for her.
"Can't I do it myself?" she asked with an insecure tone, turning the shirt in her hands while trying to make some sense of it. Earlier she had covered Joel's wound with her own shirt and a roll of duct tape, but this would require more craftsmanship. After all, she wasn't a pro despite how hard she claimed to be one. If she wanted the jeans to fit on top, she couldn't just wrap a huge mess around the wound.

"Well, can you?" Joel scoffed, getting an annoyed sneer back, even though he couldn't see it. Ellie sighed, as she had to admit she couldn't do it herself.
"Fuck" she groaned, tucking her lower body even better with the bedspread, only leaving her wounded leg on the show. The wound was all the way up on her thigh and she did feel uncomfortable, but she tried to convince herself: it was only Joel. He slowly turned his head a bit, seeing only some movement from the corner of his eye.

"So, uh… will you let me do it?" Joel asked after hearing the girl's profanity. After a short while he didn't hear an answer, but he dared to turn around entirely. The girl got a bit scared to see him turn around without a clear warning signal, and ensured that the bedspread covered the most of her. Even she didn't know why she acted like this. She did trust Joel.

Even though Ellie was feeling awkward, Joel couldn't have cared less. His eyes got stuck on the wound as he got closer and carefully sat on the edge of the bed.
"Well, it looks better" he started, frowning his face a bit.
".. but it didn't look too good to begin with"
After a short while of observing the wound, Joel lifted his eyes on Ellie's face. She was also staring at the wound, still holding onto the large shirt in her hand.
"Could you hand me the T-shirt?" Joel asked after a while of silence, and she snapped back to reality, handing him the cloth from her hand. Joel grabbed and unfurled it, taking a good grip of it with his both hands before ripping it in two. Ellie observed carefully. Maybe this would come in handy later.
"Now, gimme the leg" Joel said after putting the other half of the shirt next to him on the bed.

Ellie sighed, looking into Joel's eyes while carefully offering him her leg. Joel gently pulled it a bit closer, since Ellie didn't offer it all the way. He grabbed her ankle while lying the thigh onto his lap. Ellie swallowed and quickly gazed at Joel's face.

While still rolling the shirt in his hands, Joel noticed that Ellie wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation. The only thing bothering him at the moment was the fact that it didn't feel right for Ellie.

"Ellie" Joel spoke while starting to wrap up the wound. Ellie felt his cold hands on her skin, furrowing her brows lightly as she listened to him. She kept her eyes on her legs, but the pain was merely as big of a problem as the way she felt overall.

"You know I have to do this" Joel continued, and Ellie finally let her upper body lie down on the mattress with a deep sigh. Joel took a brief look at her, then returning his eyes on her leg. He tried to be careful to wrap it as cleanly as possible.
"Yeah, it's just…" Ellie started whispering. Another memory just popped back into her head. It had been on the background for a good while now, but especially this moment brought it back up.

"Ugh, fuck…" she groaned, closing her eyes. She could still feel his arms, but she tried not to care about it.
Joel frowned his face, slowing down with the wrapping while observing her from the corner of his eye.
"What is it?" He truly had no idea what she was thinking about.
"It's just… I felt really uncomfortable when you… you know, back when we got caught in the village"

She explained it slowly, embarrassedly and her emotions really moved on to Joel. Even though he didn't quite understand what she was saying, he felt bad. Something turned inside Ellie's stomach, making her very uncomfortable. She didn't want to question Joel's motives about anything, but she felt like she should tell this at some point. She trusted he would understand.

Joel didn't figure it out before the end of the sentence, but he got it too clearly after thinking of it for some time. He swallowed, shaking his head. He didn't want to look at her face once he got the picture, so he lowered his eyes on her legs.

Ellie meant the moment when David's fellow hunters had pressured Joel to undress her, and he had tried to distract them by kissing her neck. Joel closed his eyes while rewinding the situation. This had of course just been a plan to get the knife from her pocket the way the hunters wouldn't notice it, but it turned out to be a huge mistake.

Joel sighed insecurely, knowing that his next words would mean a lot. He should choose them wisely, and the meantime he kept his eyes closed. Ellie stared at the ceiling, biting her teeth together not to think of it any more.

"Ellie, I… " Joel tried to begin, but he had to stop the wrapping for a while. He opened his eyes, sighing deeply as he thought of it. Ellie lifted her head a bit to see his face, and suddenly the situation was even more awkward than it had been a minute ago.

Of course Ellie knew that Joel had no such intentions by his own free will. They would've become clear by this point. None the less, it had nothing to do with the fact that it had made Ellie even more uncomfortable. Joel was literally the only person in the world she could trust right now. If he was taken away from her, she'd have nobody left.

"I know you're aware of my… past" Joel began slowly, sighing once as he thought of it. It was another period of his life he did not want to rewind.
"But that don't mean I'm like them. And I... I really hope it doesn't affect the way you think of me" he explained, carefully thinking of every single word and keeping his eyes on Ellie's leg.

Once Joel thought of it, he really did think it was weird how much she trusted him while knowing about his backgrounds. Of course Ellie wasn't fully aware of all the bad things he had done, but he was sure she had made her own conclusions.

"I don't think of it that way. Nor about you" Ellie said quietly, shaking her head. She looked at Joel, trying to figure out his deepest thoughts. Somehow, she felt bad for him, and she didn't know why.
"It's just that I... I could never have expected that you – from all people, would do that"

And then they froze. Ellie kept her eyes on Joel, who then slowly turned his eyes at the girl. For a short while they stared at each other, delivering absolutely no information through that gaze. Ellie's eyes were shining, for some tears had appeared in the corners of her eyes.
"Neither could I" Joel said, hoping he had had a safe way to comfort her. It was painful to just watch.

"Tell me" Ellie started, swallowing a huge lump from her throat. Or at least it felt huge. Joel furrowed his brows, and he knew the following question wouldn't make him any more happy.
"Would've you done it? 'Cause for a while I… I really did think you would" Ellie asked, but the tears had dried away without a single one rolling down. She inhaled deeply, observing Joel's eyes.

His heart skipped a beat. It felt bad, but he was sure he wasn't the only one feeling so. Joel felt something get stuck in his throat, and he had to put his eyes down. He sat quietly for a while, carefully thinking through the words he wanted to say.

"Even with a shotgun against my temple…" he started explaining, turning his eyes back at her. He shouldn't look away as he said it.
"… I could never have done that to you"