Chapter 29

Ellie searched Joel's eyes, yet she couldn't see them hesitating. That was because they were honest. After a short while of observing him, Ellie started nodding slowly, feeling bad for even bringing up the topic. There was no reason for her not to trust him, and she felt so stupid for feeling distressed about the situation. Her eyes wandered a bit before settling back into Joel's own. He was struggling to keep his own eyes at her.

"I really and truly regret that" Joel continued slowly, stopping while waiting for a permission to move on. His voice was not as strong as it normally was.
Ellie still had a sad look on her face, staring at the man with mixed feelings. Joel was also feeling uncertain about the moment, trying to be as clear as possible.
"If… if I had a chance, I'd change that. Ellie…"
"I get it" the girl answered briefly, ending his explanations short. They both stopped for another while, and Joel moved his gaze to see her leg. The moment seemed to finally be over, even though it felt like both still had something on their minds.

Joel exhaled deeply and continued with the bandage. Not once did he depart his eyes from her leg until he was finally done. The short moment that it lasted, they were both quiet.

"Okay" Joel said with a voice clearly louder than before, coughing once while moving the leg off of him. He did it as carefully as ever, sliding away from underneath it while getting up from the bed.
"Now, go on and try the new jeans" he encouraged the girl.

Joel turned around and walked towards the door. Ellie had lifted her head up, gazing at the bandage on her leg while trying to forget about her recent thoughts. She did not want to think of any of that. Not right now. She was healing and could finally get up on her feet.

The new wrap looked good, and it would probably fit nicely under the new pair of jeans. It wasn't immediately soaked with blood, and neither should it. The wound had not bled for a whole day, so there was a good chance it wouldn't open today, either.

Ellie got up quite slowly, being very careful with her thigh. The smaller wounds had probably healed enough not to open again, but she had to be careful with the leg.

After Ellie had roughly measured the jeans in front of her, she tried them on.
"Yeah, I think they fit" she said, stretching her legs a bit while pulling them on. Once Joel turned back at her, she winced from the pain in her thigh. She obviously stretched her legs too soon.

"Oh, fuck…" Ellie moaned, biting her teeth together. If it had not hurt, she would have grabbed her thigh with her hands. Now she just hovered them above it.
Joel had turned around just in time to see this, and he took a few steps towards her, frowning his face.
"That's it, you ain't going out" he denied, lifting his hand in the air as a sign. Ellie's eyes widened, for she couldn't believe his words.
"What? That's bullshit! I'm oka-" she began shouting, spreading her hands in the air.
"You're not okay, Ellie –" Joel shouted back with his regular, powerful voice, getting interrupted as well.
"How the hell would you know if I'm okay or-"
"Ellie"

The last word Joel said was more quiet, and they both stopped yelling. His eyes had wandered off from her face, and he was now staring at the ripped sleeve of her shirt. It was showing more skin than it was supposed to show. It had not bothered them when she was lying on the bed normally, but now they had had company.

"Your infection" Joel continued once he had caught her attention. Ellie stopped and gazed down as soon as she realized what Joel had said.
"Aw, fuck!" she swore, immediately feeling the ripped sleeve with her left hand. Joel looked at it for a while, then suddenly taking quick steps towards the bed.
"We need to cover it up" he said, grabbing the other half of the T-shirt he had ripped in two. He was obviously distressed about the fact that the woman and her son could've seen it.

The shirt was still too large for Ellie's hand, so Joel ripped it in half once more. Ellie slowly turned around to see him, for she had barely lifted her eyes off the wound before Joel was already standing next to her. She was keeping the arm up, and Joel grabbed it while unfurling the quarter of a shirt. Ellie took another quick look at his face.
"What's the rush?" Ellie scoffed all confused, furrowing her brows while staring at her arm again. Joel had already started wrapping up the bite mark, and she had no reason to argue or pull it back. He was holding her hand quite tightly, probably due the unpleasant surprise.
"I don't think our new neighbours would appreciate seeing this. You know, if they already haven't" Joel spoke, giving her a strict glance.

Ellie quieted down. She furrowed her brows and lifted her eyes to Joel's face. She did this just in time to share the unpleasant eye contact.
"Shit… you think they saw it?" Ellie asked, keeping her eyes on Joel as he lowered his own to see her hand.
"I don't think so. But if we run into them again, that shouldn't remain as an option"

After a very short moment, Joel had wrapped up the wound and he stepped back to have a clear look at Ellie in general. She looked way healthier than a few days before, and Joel had to let out a deep sigh. The situation could be a lot worse – or of course a lot better.

"So… what happened out there?" Ellie asked after a short moment of silence. She grabbed the bite mark with her left hand and rubbed it a bit before sitting on the edge of the bed. Joel lifted his eyebrows and exhaled deeply, moving his eyes off the girl. It was too late not to make her uncomfortable, for he had been staring at her for a good while.

"A… group of hunters had pinned her down. There were only four of them so I… I figured I'd help her out" Joel sighed, turning his back at Ellie. He was still thinking back to that moment, rubbing his chin with his right hand while slowly walking towards the door.

Ellie kept her eyes on Joel's back. After hearing what he had said, Ellie frowned her face. There was something odd about Joel helping mere strangers in a situation like that. Despite there being only a few hunters to bring down, it was a risk.
"You helped her? Why?" Ellie wondered out loud, moving her eyes off of Joel. She was trying to imagine a situation where Joel would act like that.

Ellie then lifted her eyes to see the back of Joel's head, and the words resonated in him. Joel lifted his gaze to meet the eye level of the door. A teenage girl had just asked him why he had helped a person in trouble. A person fighting for their life. It truly was a crazy world. Even crazier was that he actually had to think of a reason.

"I dunno…" Joel murmured, pausing for a moment and lowering his gaze again. He settled his hands on his hips, furrowing his brows.
"Well I knew she was travelling with a kid. I also knew that the boy you described wouldn't last a day without her"

Joel seemed to explain his reasons the same time he came up with them. He wasn't lying, but he had not named his reasons before this exact moment. He had just helped her, and now it was Ellie's turn to think of his words.

Ellie furrowed a brow, lowering her gaze to the floor. She rewound the hassle inside her head, getting a feeling that she had overreacted. If it was even possible to overreact in a world like that. After all they had done nothing wrong to them. But why were they being chased?

Ellie nodded slowly, even though Joel was facing the other way and couldn't see her doing so. She sighed, rising her gaze back to Joel.
"I think you did the right thing" Ellie said quietly, losing all the edge from her voice. She was completely honest, and Joel heard that. He sighed and nodded, turning his head to see the girl. Another eye contact.
"Yeah"

They both spent the night with their own thoughts. Joel spent most of his time sitting downstairs in the warmth of the fireplace. The bottle on the living room table was haunting to him, but having a taste would make him vulnerable.

Ellie seemed to enjoy her privacy, for she had not followed him. It was a good chance for both of them to be alone with their thoughts. They obviously needed it.

None the less, they still gathered around for sleeping. Joel had shared another eye contact with the bottle of liqueur, then getting up from the couch. As he walked upstairs, he saw Ellie lying on the bed. Ellie had clearly fallen asleep ways before Joel finally climbed upstairs. He sighed while having a good look at her. It really felt nice that she was feeling better.

Joel walked up to the bed, putting his stuff on the ground and on the bedside table. He had taken most of his stuff downstairs for the day, for he wanted to be prepared at all times.

Once Joel sat on the edge of the bed, he turned to look at the girl. Ellie had petty much taken all of the space, so Joel did have to think of a way to make some room for himself.
"How can someone so small take over the whole bed…" Joel muttered while looking at the girl. She was definitely asleep. Her arms were widely across the bed, leaving somewhat of two feet of room for Joel. Regardless of her occupying the whole bed, he didn't even think about sleeping anywhere else.

Joel turned on the bed to get a better angle on the girl.
"Here we go…" he murmured, carefully grabbing Ellie's right arm and sliding it over her body. As he slightly pushed it, he managed to turn her on her side. She didn't seem to be bothered by that, and Joel finally had some space for himself. He took another long look at Ellie as she slept, and leaned towards her. Joel lifted her right arm, stopping for a while before lowering his palm towards her face. He let his fingers gently swipe across her cheek to tuck a curl of her brown hair behind her ear.
"G'night baby girl"

It was probably morning time when Joel finally opened his eyes, but for the first time in days he didn't feel tired at all. He had gotten a good night sleep despite the events of last night. Not once had he woken up in the middle of a dream, and it felt odd. Usually he had a ton of nightmares to remember in the morning, but now he remembered nothing.

As Joel sit up, a yawn escaped his lips while he rubbed his face. After a short moment of waking his body up, he turned his head around to find Ellie. She wasn't on the bed.
"Ellie?" Joel called, frowning his face while turning his head. He slowly reached for his revolver on the nightstand, leaving the holster and his backpack on the floor while getting up.
"Ellie?" he asked again with a louder voice, checking the bullets from the revolver. This time he was louder and clearer, and luckily got an answer.

"I'm down here"
A deep sigh escaped Joel's lips as he heard the voice from downstairs. He pushed the revolver to his backpocket, leaving his things upstairs as he quickly approached the stairs. For some odd reason he wanted to see Ellie so badly he forgot to grab his backpack.

Now that Joel listened to it, he heard whistling. It was something Ellie had tried to learn during the time they had spent together, and she had been whistling a lot before winter. Maybe she hadn't been on the mood lately.

Once Joel got downstairs, the whistling stopped and he saw Ellie sitting on the couch. She had a piece of wood in her hands, and she was whittling it with her switchblade. Joel frowned his face, making his way towards the living room.

"Morning" he said with a whiskey tone in his voice. He had still something in his throat after sleeping, and he coughed once to get it out.
"Morning. You slept well" Ellie said, not lifting her eyes to him as she whittled.

As Joel looked at it, a thought popped into his head.
"Wait a minute… Where'd you get that wood?" he asked with a serious voice, sitting to an armchair right next to the couch. He was approaching the paternal voice he always used to tell she had done something wrong. Ellie noticed this, but stayed quiet.

"Did you go out without…"
"Geez, relax Joel!" Ellie answered rather loudly, detaching her eyes from the wood for the first time after he'd arrived downstairs. She furrowed a brow while keeping her eyes on Joel.
"I didn't go out. It's just one of the smaller firewoods"

Ellie then laid her eyes back on the wood in her hand, and Joel turned his head to see the few pieces of wood next to the fireplace. Maybe he was a bit hasty.
"Oh" he answered briefly, furrowing his brows while departing his eyes from it. Why was he so tense? Why did he think Ellie would disobey him, for she probably knew it was for her own good?

Joel leaned back and rested his eyes on the living room table. There was the bottle of liqueur and the three glasses. Now that he looked at them, he really did want to throw the glasses out of the window. The liqueur was still haunting to him.

It was quiet. The only sounds came from Ellie whittling the wood, as she had stopped the whistling. She did not want to annoy Joel any more than necessary, now that she realized he was so paranoid.

The situation was tense. The conversations they had had last night were still fresh on their minds, and remained unfinished. Neither of them had talked the things through, but it seemed hard for either of them to finish them. To walk through them meant talking about feelings, and it wasn't easy.

Suddenly, Ellie stopped whittling. Joel sat quietly for a moment, then slowly turning his eyes at her, seeing that her eyes were moistened. She was making some slight emotions, and Joel couldn't help but feel that she was going to go somewhere with that.
"Ellie?" he asked quietly, leaning forward against his knees to see her face better.
"The thing you said yesterday" the girl started, resting her hands on her knees. She looked straight into the fireplace, but she didn't look like she was going to cry. The strange motions on her face had stopped after she had opened her mouth.
"- about the boy being unable to continue without the woman" Ellie continued without any hesitation. Joel did try to catch her drift, but after the tenseness and difficult conversations, he didn't want to guess too soon. He let her continue, observing her face the meanwhile.
"I… I talked about this with Sam… before he-"
"Ellie, don't-"
"I'm afraid" she cut off his words, lifting her eyes to his own. Joel tried to stop her from bringing up Henry and Sam, but she rose her voice to speak over him. Joel was surprised that Ellie went straight into the topic, and it showed on his face. Maybe the tense atmosphere had made it more easier for her to make it even more uncomfortable.
"- I'm afraid, I'll end up alone" Ellie continued. This time she wasn't avoiding the eye contact, and they shared one as she finished the sentence.

The wet eyes were back. She was fighting back the anger and fear she felt inside her, and Joel saw the battle through her eyes. Her green eyes were shining right at him, and suddenly it was easy to stay quiet. He didn't want to interrupt.
"That's why I'm fucking terrified every time you leave. Or the times I had to leave you to go hunting or getting supplies"

Ellie was almost shouting. The feelings that rushed through her were powered by the raging fear she had experienced throughout the endless winter. Her eyes wandered off of him while she rewound the year.

Joel couldn't help but listen. He observed the girl as she talked, once a while realizing that she was only a little girl. He had not been around to help her survive through the winter. It felt bad as he thought of it, for the rest of the time he was protecting her with his life. Ellie had fed him and taken care of him the whole time without his protection. She would have to be all ice not to be afraid.

After a while of silence, Joel was ready to open his mouth. His voice was gentle and quiet once he started explaining.
"I know the world's a damn scary place, but you've been there for…"

"No, Joel…" Ellie spoke over his words, and Joel paused to look at her. His eyes had wandered off of her, but he had to see her when she spoke again. Ellie sighed before lifting her eyes to meet his.
"Alone. The way I feel about just being somewhere else is terrifying, but what if you actually get bitten? Or beat to death or shot? The fact that you wouldn't come back just…"

And then she drifted away. Her voice was now fragile and quiet. Joel stared at her, finally understanding that he did not catch her drift just a moment earlier. He had not understood her at all.

During all those times he had focused on surviving and getting her through, but he had not thought about Ellie ending up completely alone. Even though she was immune, Joel wasn't. He was the one facing most of the enemies, which could definitely turn wrong eventually. He had never feared death, but having someone to look after made it different.

Joel opened his mouth, but no words came out. Ellie had turned her eyes to her hands, lowering the piece of wood and sighing deeply. She had nothing else to say.

"Ellie, I…"

But they were rudely interrupted. A loud clicking and shrieking noise came from outside, along with some screaming and shouting. At first they both jumped up, but they stopped to listen if it was just the infected. They wouldn't know Joel and Ellie were in there, so staying quiet would be the best option to make them pass by. Ellie's face had reacted to the quick stand up, and Joel noticed this.

"Run, mom!"