Seven weeks ago…
Before Killian met Emma, he didn't believe in God. He had his own reasons but basically he didn't understand how God could allow all the pain and suffering in the world.
He didn't believe in God. Not until he met Emma. Because only God could create such a beautiful and perfect creature. And finding her wasn't by chance. It had to be a part of God's divine plan. Killian doesn't consider himself lucky. No, he considers himself blessed.
Killian could definitely get used to waking up like this. The sun hadn't come up yet, and he had his own version of the moon in his arms, so pure and beautiful, he could gaze at her forever. He's never felt like this before. Never in his life has he enjoyed anything as much as he enjoys being with her. Holding Emma in his arms as they lay in bed to the sound of the drizzling rain with not a care in the world evokes emotions he can't begin to describe. Tonight is easily the best night of his life. Not only did Emma confess her love for him, but he finally got to hold her in his arms as they lay in his comfortable bed instead of the bed of his truck. And then they made love in it.
He could easily lay here forever, just holding her in his arms, his mind only filled with the memories of their lovemaking playing on repeat. He loves that he is the only one to have seen her naked and at her most vulnerable, to witness her finding sweet release. And he loves when she curses because he is the only person who gets to hear her curse. He's the only person who gets to see that side of her. He's the only one who gets to be with her in such an intimate way. The feeling of being inside his beautiful girlfriend was indescribable. He could feel her walls wrapped around him so tightly, and since there were no barriers between them, he could feel how wet and soft she was, her nectar so warm and inviting, he almost lost his mind as he lost himself inside of her.
Emma stirs in his arms, a pleasant sigh escaping her lips.
"Are you comfortable, love?" he asks softly, running his fingertips up and down the length of her arm, enjoying how soft her skin is as he presses a kiss to her elegant neck.
"Mmmhm, very comfortable," she replies sleepily.
"Good," he murmurs, dropping another kiss to her bare shoulder blade and tightens his arms around her. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
She shakes her head. "Not at all. That was incredible. Everything I hoped it would be."
"I'm glad."
She turns around in his arms until her naked breasts are pressed against his chest, a lazy smile settled across her lips. She reaches out a hand to touch his face, her thumb brushing over his stubbled jaw as she gazes into his eyes. "You were perfect."
"You were, too," he says, grinning like an idiot.
She smiles and captures his lips, his heart speeding up again as they get wrapped up in a heated kiss, his hand caressing her cheek and his tongue slipping past her lips to taste her soft mouth. The kiss lasts much longer than he expects, and he ends up entering her and coming inside her once more before he takes her to Ruby's.
Present
Killian isn't sure how to respond at first; there's shock on his face and his mouth is hanging open even though he's unable to form words. But he knows Emma needs him to respond. He knows Emma needs to be comforted or reassured, or for him to tell her it'll be okay, or maybe to convince her she's overreacting and that she may not actually be pregnant. "But how? I mean…" he stammers, his brain frantically searching for the right question. "We've been using protection, love."
"We didn't use one our first night together, or the morning after, remember?"
Of course he remembers. That night was the best, most incredible night of his life. But he hates himself for not using protection with her. They hadn't realized until days later and by then it was too late for Plan B. But she assured him she couldn't get pregnant because she'd just had her period their first night together.
Seven weeks ago...
How could he'd be so fucking stupid?! He asks himself this over and over again, his face buried in his hands as he sits in his truck, waiting for Emma.
Once she climbs in, he lifts his head to see that her face is riddled with confusion and concern, her green eyes studying him inquisitively. "What's wrong, babe?"
He reaches for her hand and lays gentle kisses over her knuckles. "I just… I'm really sorry, Emma."
"Sorry for what?"
His throat goes dry, and he swallows thickly as he gazes at her, full of regret. "I'm sorry I didn't use protection."
"Oh," she replies softly, but she doesn't seem to be worried. "Killian, you don't have to apologize for that."
A look of confusion furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?" he asks before realizing why it may not be a big deal that they didn't use protection. His eyes light up with hope. "Wait, you're on birth control? I just figured your parents would never allow you to—"
"No, I'm not," she quickly cuts him off. "You're right, my parents don't believe in birth control. It's a wonder they don't have ten children," she remarks with a gentle laugh.
He falls back into panic mode. "Then how can you be so calm, love?"
"Because I just had my period the night we were together. I need to be ovulating to get pregnant. My cycle is the same every month, so that means I had seven more days until I would ovulate again, minus the five days your sperm can live inside me, so no worries, we're in the clear."
Killian eyes her in surprise. "For being a virgin only a few days ago, you seem to know a lot about this stuff, love," he teases with a small smirk.
Emma shoves him playfully and laughs. "Yeah, well my parents wouldn't allow me to attend sex ed class so I had to find out this stuff on my own. And luckily my parents don't dictate who I'm allowed to be friends with. You learn a lot from having sexually active friends, especially if one of those friends is Ruby. So trust me, I would've said something that night if I thought otherwise."
Killian breathes a sigh of relief. "I trust you, love."
Present
After they realized (or at least thought) they had dodged a bullet, Killian bought a jumbo pack of condoms and they hadn't had unprotected sex since then.
"But if you're late, you would have noticed last month, right?" He doesn't know much about the female anatomy but he does know they get a visit from Aunt Flow every month. Though he lost his mother at a young age, he's learned a thing or two from having female friends and an older brother who had a girlfriend for most of high school.
"That's the thing, Killian, I didn't notice. All I ever think about is you," she admits in frustration.
His heart warms, and he graces her with a small smile, encouraging her to continue.
"I completely forgot about my time of the month until the other day when I was at the grocery store with my mom and she asked me if I needed tampons. I said yes because the last time I had my period, I had a week's supply and knew I would have to buy more for December. Well, now it's December so I thought I only had a few more tampons left. But then when I got home, I checked my supply and realized I had more than a few. I had a week's supply left, Killian," she croaks, tears spilling down her cheeks. "So I checked the calendar, and sure enough, I haven't had my period since October, and now it's December and I still have no period!" When Emma stops rambling, she looks completely wrecked, like she's about to burst.
Killian reaches over and wipes away her tears, his thumb brushing over her cheek. "Hey," he whispers gently, "we don't know for sure yet if you're pregnant or not. I mean, you can miss your period for other reasons, right?"
"Yes, but what if I am pregnant? My parents will kill me!" she shrieks, pulling away from him and slumping back into her seat, her hand clutching tightly around the door handle. The pain she's feeling makes his heart hurt.
They hear the school bell ring, but going to class is the last thing on their minds.
"I can't go to class like this, I'm freaking out," she says, releasing the door handle and running her hands over her face.
Killian thinks for a moment. He knows going to class will be useless. They'll both be wondering if Emma's pregnant or not. "Well, how about this—we go to the drug store, get a pregnancy test and go back to my house so you can take it and find out for sure?"
"But, Killian, I can't go. What if I run into someone I know? What if I run into someone from church? They'll tell my parents, " Emma cries in panic.
"I can go. No one knows we're together except our friends, so if I run into someone I know, they won't know I'm getting the test for you."
Emma nods. "Okay. Let me give you some money for it." She reaches into her back pocket, pulling out some cash, but he puts his hand on her arm to stop her.
"That's okay, Emma, I'll get it."
"Why? You're not the one who has to take it."
"Well, no, but this is my fault, Emma," he replies grimly. "I should've worn a condom. That's only on me."
"But I'm the one who initiated it. You said you were okay with waiting and I was the one who was impatient. This isn't your fault, Killian."
"It's not yours either, Emma. We both should've been more responsible. But that doesn't matter now. What matters is finding out. Besides, you're the one who might be carrying a baby inside of your womb for nine months, so the least I can do is pay for the pregnancy test."
She doesn't argue with that logic.
Killian drops Emma off at his house, stops at an ATM to withdraw money from his bank account and drives to the drugstore with bated breath. He's been to this particular store a million times, but he's never had to buy pregnancy tests before. He only knows where they're located because they're next to the condoms, which are ironically located directly across from the baby diapers. Which is probably what he'll be buying the next time he's down this aisle if Emma really is pregnant.
To think, less than eight months down the road, Killian could be holding a baby in his arms, a baby to love and protect with everything he has. The thought scares the hell out of him, but also excites him and warms his heart. He knew he would have children someday, he just didn't think it would happen so soon. He only blames himself though. He should've done everything he could to prevent this from happening. But he knows without a doubt he'll do everything he can to make sure Emma never feels like she's alone in this. Because she's definitely not.
He's in this for the long haul, no matter what the long haul brings. If he lives long enough to see it of course. He doesn't normally pray, but right now he's praying Emma's father practices what he preaches and shows him a little mercy rather than murder him in cold blood. But he can't think about the consequences just yet. First, he and Emma have to find out if she's actually pregnant or not.
Choosing a pregnancy test is a nightmare. He's overwhelmed by the selection and his palms are sweating because it turns out, there are several kinds of pregnancy tests, a variety of brands and a wide range of prices. There are some that say First Response, which he understands are for early results, but there are others that say One Step , which make him scratch his head. He thought all pregnancy tests involved only one step—to pee on a stick.
He's not sure which one to buy, so he grabs one of each kind. He ends up spending almost eighty bucks on pregnancy tests, but it's a small price to pay, even when the middle-aged clerk at the checkout counter gives him a judgmental look like she's thinking he's too young to be knocking someone up. But he somehow makes it out of the store without a hitch and drives back to his girlfriend.
Perhaps in ordinary circumstances, Emma would've laughed at all the pregnancy tests, but she's too frazzled and panicked, her fingers shaking as she selects one. Killian opens the package, handing her one of the sticks inside and reads the directions on the box out loud. Emma wastes no time pulling down her jeans and panties before sitting on the toilet.
"Do you want me to leave so you can have some privacy, love?" he asks, scratching behind his ear as he averts his eyes from his girlfriend. It's not like he hasn't seen her naked but watching her pee is rather awkward.
"No, please don't leave," Emma pleads.
So his eyes return to her, and he walks over and rubs her back reassuringly. "I won't go anywhere. I'm here," he murmurs softly.
When Emma's finished, she replaces the cap on the test, sets it on the counter and washes her hands, which are still trembling. Then they wait. Emma sits on the toilet seat lid and buries her face in her hands. "I can't look at it," she says, her words muffled by her palms. "Tell me when it's ready."
Killian's heart plummets as he moves her long hair over her shoulder and rubs her back in soothing circles. It's not supposed to be like this. The only results she should be hiding from and asking him to read out loud are grades and college letters, not pregnancy tests.
The instructions say they're supposed to wait five minutes, but when Killian looks at the tiny screen of the test, the results are already there, the two pink lines clear as day.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, debating whether he should tell her yet. She still has three more minutes of hope, and he doesn't want to take that from her, so he waits. The minutes pass—three, two, one—and Killian moves in front of her, facing her and kneeling down before her. He gently removes her hands from her face, speaking as gently as he can, but his voice is trembling. "Love…" He peers into her eyes, but he doesn't have to say anything because Emma already knows what he's going to say.
"Nooooo!" She bursts into tears and once again buries her face in her hands. His heart shatters into a million pieces at the pained sounds she makes, and he throws his arms around her, letting her sob uncontrollably into his shoulder to her heart's content as he whispers in her ear over and over, "I'm so sorry, Emma."
Even though they knew it was possible for her to be pregnant before she took the test, neither of them were nowhere near prepared for this.
In eight months, Emma will give birth to their child, and Killian's not quite sure how to feel right now. Of course he'll be happy and excited when the time comes, but right now he's too torn up by Emma's reaction, and he has to find a way to rectify this somehow. He has to let her know things will be okay. He has to have a plan because he's praying Emma won't give their baby up for adoption. That would crush his heart even more than it is. He has to make sure she knows he's not going anywhere. That he'll be with her and their baby through thick and thin.
Slowly he releases Emma, placing one hand on her arm as he caresses her cheek with his other hand. He doesn't wipe the tears away just yet. She's allowed to have her tears over this.
Emma looks at him with glistening, green eyes all red and swollen, tears slathered over her face. "Killian…" she chokes out. "What am I going to do?"
His heart constricts and tears spring to his eyes. How can she think for one second she's alone in this? "You aren't going to do anything, love," he reassures her.
Her eyes widen in fear. "No! Abortion isn't an option for me!" she screeches, clutching onto her belly protectively.
A smile almost creeps over his lips. For the first time, he can see the protective mother in her eyes. "I would never suggest that, Emma."
"Then what are you saying?" she asks inquisitively and wipes away her tears with the sleeve of her shirt.
He stands up and grabs a Kleenex from the bathroom counter and kneels in front of her once more. He wipes her tears, studying the wreckage in her beautiful features. It pains him to see her like this, but it's all the more reason to try to make things better for her. He tosses the tissue into the trashcan and takes a long, unsteady breath as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out something he had wanted to give her for Christmas. But he figures now is an even better time. Clutching onto the square jewelry box, he holds it out to her.
Emma gasps when she sees it, her eyes widening in panic.
He chuckles. "Relax, I'm not proposing."
She breathes a little sigh in relief and he finds the courage to open it, revealing a heart pendant on a silver chain with a ruby heart-shaped rose in the center. Emma reaches out and fingers the stone, her eyes softening as she studies the pendant.
"Turn over the pendant, baby," he says sweetly, and she abides, reading the inscription out loud.
"True love lasts forever." Her eyes well up with tears again, but he knows these tears are different. These are tears of joy. Tears of hope.
"I got this a week after we started dating," he admits softly with a sheepish smile. "I knew right away I wanted to be with you for as long as you'd want me, and I thought a promise ring would be too obvious to your parents, so I got you this necklace as my promise to you..." His eyes dart from the necklace to her face, meeting her gaze as he speaks the sincerest words he's ever spoken, other than saying I love you. "I'm in this for the long haul, Emma. So whatever obstacles are ahead, you never have to face them alone. I'll be here as long as you want me to be."
"But, I can't ask you to throw your life away for me," she says, her words shattered as more tears fall down her cheeks.
Killian looks at her, appalled she would think that. "You think I'd be throwing my life away if I raised a baby with you?"
"We're too young," she croaks. "We haven't even graduated from high school yet. How are we even going to afford a baby?"
"We graduate in five months, Emma, and you won't have the baby for another three months after that. We can come up with a plan by then. I'll work two jobs while I go to flight school and we'll take our baby to daycare so you can go to school. Or if we go to college here in Storybrooke, we can drop our baby off with our parents while we work and go to school, that is, if they don't disown us," he adds with a gentle laugh. He caresses her cheek, not sure how much he's convincing her they can do this, but he offers a hopeful smile. "I don't have all the answers yet, and it will be hard, but we'll figure it out. Together. You won't be alone in this. Ever." He carefully pulls out the delicate chain, sets the box down on the tiled floor and holds out the necklace. "I promise you, love, the only way you can get rid of me is if you asked me to go away. Until then, I'll be here for you and our baby no matter what."
"But what about my parents? We'll have to tell them, eventually. They'll never be okay with this."
"We'll tell them when you're ready, Emma. In two months when you turn eighteen if you want. You'll be an adult then and they won't be able to tell you what to do anymore. Besides, we'll elope if we have to," he says jokingly, but he's definitely not opposed to the idea.
Emma manages a heart-wrenching smile through her tears and tilts her head forward so he can put the necklace around her neck. She moves her hair out of the way and he clasps the chain together, pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"Stunning, just like you," he compliments sweetly, making her blush. "I love you, Emma Nolan," he whispers and slips his hand underneath the bottom hem of her shirt and places his palm on her stomach. "And I'll love our baby just as much. I promise you that."
Emma sniffles and wipes away some more tears. "I love you, too." She leans in and presses her lips against his.
She tastes like tears, and his heart aches as he wraps his arms around her and holds her tightly as their lips stay latched, just relishing in the feel of each other's lips.
When he stands up, he packages up the test and hides it underneath the bathroom sink. Then he picks her up bridal style and brings her to his bedroom, placing her on his bed before he climbs in with her.
"Love, do you think the drugstore would let me return all the unopened pregnancy tests?" he asks casually, pulling the comforter over them.
For the first time that day, Emma giggles as she shoves her hand playfully against his chest. "Really? That's what you're worried about?"
He shrugs and chuckles. "What? I spent a lot of money on those, money that'll be better spent on our baby, am I wrong?" he asks, swiping her hair away from her angelic face.
Another giggle escapes her lips and his heart soars at the sound. "No, you're definitely not wrong about that," she agrees and snuggles against him, impossibly closer.
He smiles and wraps his arms tightly around her, dropping a kiss to the crown of her head. He has to admit, after the events of the day, it feels so good to hear her laugh. Finding out she was pregnant was the easy part though.
Now comes the hard part. They have to tell her parents.