Chapter 34 - The last chapter

It was easier than Ellie thought it would be. The boy followed right after her, only grabbing his gun before getting inside the cabin right on her heels. He walked inside with his eyes stuck on the floor in front of him, and Ellie shut the door right after he'd gotten inside.

"Joel, how we holding up?" Ellie started after getting inside, looking for the man who clearly wasn't on the floor anymore. She noticed that he had gotten up, and he was now lying on the couch.
"I'll be fine. What happened out there?" Joel asked with a dry voice as he tried to sit up, but as the pain hit, he decided not to. He didn't even see Nathan in the room, for the back of the couch was blocking his sight. Ellie turned her head to look at Nathan before opening her mouth. She wasn't sure if he was listening, for the boy seemed to be in rest mode inside his head.
"Alice got bit. I… I brought Nathan in here" Ellie spoke quietly, sneaking a peek at Nathan as she spoke. He was still staring at the floor.

It was enough to make Joel fight the pain. Despite it hitting hard, he sat up and looked over the back of the couch into the kitchen.
"Is she…?" he started, then looking at Nathan. She probably was.
"Son, I… " Joel coughed, wincing as the pain hit him again. He wanted to apologize and be sorry, but he couldn't. It would even look unreal if he started apologizing something he couldn't feel sorry for. After those days, he only felt bad for Nathan for losing his mom. He didn't pity her destiny as much.

Nathan swallowed, nodding a few times while listening to Joel. Even so, Joel and Ellie were both sure he wasn't even listening. The boy held the gun in his hand, thinking that the same pistol had just blown up his mother's head. It was covered in blood and the blood had spread to his hands.
"You should lie down, Nathan…"
"I'll get going" he answered before Ellie had the time to finish her sentence. She looked surprised, hearing him speak so clearly without any tears. Nathan kept on nodding, and Ellie had to alternate her gaze between Joel and him.
"I'll grab her stuff… I'll…" Nathan spoke quietly but determinedly. Ellie frowned her face, glancing at him for the shortest while before turning to see Joel. He was staring at Nathan, too.
"Son, I think you should…"
"I'm… I'm going to rest now" he spoke before walking towards the door. Ellie frowned her face, looking at Joel for a while.
"Joel..." she whispered, even though she knew Nathan would not have heard her even if she had yelled.

Joel looked back at her, shaking his head with a serious gaze. Even though the boy was approaching the door and leaving, Joel didn't want Ellie to go running off again. She should stay put, for the boy probably wasn't the safest company in that condition. He could go crazy after what had happened, if he already hadn't, that was.
"Nathan" Ellie called while he grabbed the knob, now stopping for a moment. He didn't rise his gaze off of his hand. He stood quietly while waiting for her to continue. Since Nathan didn't lift his eyes, Ellie opened her mouth.
"Come back. Please" she begged, even though it wasn't exactly like her. Why did she care about the boy? Was it only because he knew her secret? It felt odd not having to hold it back with him, but somehow it felt oddly good.

Nathan didn't move for another while. Joel kept his eyes on him, looking down at his abdomen only once while waiting.
"I will" Nathan promised without turning his eyes. After a short while, he opened the door and stepped out. After another second, he was gone and the door was shut. Joel lowered his gaze after noticing he had finally left. Ellie stared at the door with wide eyes, thinking what had just happened. She swallowed while thinking about her options at that point. Should she go after him?

Once she took a step towards the door, Joel lifted his eyes again.
"Whoa, Ellie" he spoke, wincing as the pain hit him again. He grunted while lifting up his upper body, and Ellie stopped. She turned to see him, furrowing her brows sadly which was also very unlike her.
"You won't be following him". The sadness disappeared and she got prepared to argue back.
"But what if he..."
"Ellie" Joel lowered his voice again. He had to squeeze his eyes shut, biting his teeth together while climbing up from the couch. Ellie stopped the arguing and took a step towards him with a worried face.
"Hey" she spoke, walking to him and grabbing his arm as he'd gotten up.
"You don't have to get up, I..." she continued, gently pushing the man towards the couch. He furrowed his brows while staring her right in the eye. His gaze was measuring her, and she slowly nodded for an answer.
"Right... I won't go"

Joel sighed, giving her all his empathy through his eyes while sitting back down. A small grunt escaped his lips once he sat down, but the pain was slowly fading away. Even so, it was still horrible.

Ellie took a few steps back while putting her gaze down. She was still holding her pistol, confused by the past situation. She was kinda happy that Alice was gone, but how could Nathan take care of himself? Could he tag along on their way to Salt Lake City? Would Joel accept that?

She sat down to the armchair, sighing while thinking of it. She laid her gun on the living room table, leaning back after a second.
"He's gonna come back. He won't be able to handle himself, so he's coming for help once he realizes that" Joel tried to comfort Ellie, lying down on his back on the couch again. He closed his eyes, exhaling deeply.

Ellie lifter her head, looking at the man. He seemed calm about it.
"Would we... help him?" she asked insecurely, furrowing a brow while looking at him. He took a while in silence to think of it, then opening his eyes.
"I dunno. I guess we'd have to think of it"

It took a few hours. Ellie went back to whittling, and Joel dozed off without even noticing it himself. Ellie's knife handling turned more aggressive by the minute, for she was getting nervous about Nathan's situation. He should be back already.

In the tranquil silence it was easy to notice the footsteps on the porch. Ellie lifted her head, looking at the door while instantly getting up. She dropped the wood, but she held onto her switchblade, looking down at Joel. He was still sleeping.

The knob turned slowly, and a familiar character walked in.
"Hey" Nathan said quietly, closing the door behind him. He seemed oddly normal.
"Hey" Ellie whispered back, pushing her switchblade away while grabbing her gun from the table. She walked up towards Nathan so she wouldn't have to wake Joel up.
"Let's step outside" Nathan proposed, getting a nod back from the girl.

"You alright?" Ellie asked once they sat on the porch. She sneaked a peek at the boy, then turning her eyes towards the ground. Nathan scoffed, shaking his head and sighing deeply before answering.
"As alright as I can be. I took some time to clear out my thoughts" the boy answered, lifting his gaze up towards the village. Now that Ellie dared to look at him, he seemed like he'd prepared himself for a trip. His bag looked heavy and he had smaller bags hanging from his backpack.
"Good" Ellie nodded, turning her head to look around her. Now that she looked at it, Alice's body was gone. That's what must have taken so much time. Maybe it was the best way for Nathan to get over it.

"I buried mom. I'll be leaving after I get to say thanks to your dad" Nathan nodded, putting his head down again. He seemed awfully calm and it seemed that he had actually thought about his future.
"Leaving? You don't mean alone, do you?" Ellie frowned her face. Nathan seemed serious.
"I do. My mom told me my dad's family's from nearby here. We were heading there when we got caught in the village. If they're still where they should be, I need to get there" he answered, nodding while speaking. Ellie looked at him for a long while before putting her eyes down. It seemed like a good idea in general, but she wasn't sure if he could make it.
"You absolute..."

"I'm sure" Nathan cut her off, finally turning to see her. She returned the gaze with worried eyes, but she had to believe in him. Now that she thought of it, he probably didn't need her to say how he couldn't do it by himself. They didn't have the time to go help him, for it wasn't in the same direction as Salt Lake City.
"Alright" Ellie then sighed, looking around her. It was quiet.
"And I want to thank you" Nathan then continued, putting his hand on Ellie's knee. She was surprised by the touch, turning to see him again.
"For what?" she frowned, swallowing, for the touch made her a bit uncomfortable.
"I don't know how many times you've saved me during these couple of days. And you're the first girl of my age I've seen in a very long time" Nathan continued, and Ellie felt even more anxious. Nathan had an odd look to his eyes as he looked at her, and she didn't know what to do. His hand was still on her knee, but he wasn't smiling. To be honest, Ellie didn't have the slightest idea what was going inside his head.

But then he did it. He got closer to her face, closing his eyes once he reached her lips. Ellie kept her own wide open, for she wasn't prepared for this. She looked shocked, and wasn't able to answer the kiss. As she thought of it, she didn't think she even wanted to.

In the middle of the odd and unexpected kiss, the door opened behind them, and Nathan backed down. He climbed up instantly, turning to see Joel as he stood by the door. He frowned his face for a bit, mostly looking at Nathan.
"Hi. I... I'm leaving" the boy said, climbing up the few stairs to get to Joel. He seemed even more confused, for he had actually thought the boy would come asking for their help. To his surprise, he looked all packed up and ready to leave without them.
"Where? You sure you can..."
"He's sure" Ellie answered for him, hoping it would make Nathan gain some trust in himself. He glanced at Ellie with a weak smile, then turning to see Joel again.
"I just wanted to thank you. You saved my mom in the first place, and even though she's not here now, I.. I think I got stronger during these couple of days. Mostly because of her" Nathan explained, nodding towards Ellie. She furrowed her brows, confused by what he had just said. Because of her?

But Joel wasn't surprised. He already knew that Ellie was a lot braver than almost anyone her age. And when he thought of the first time he had met Nathan, he was not even nearly that strong or independent. It wasn't a surprise that he'd learned something from Ellie.
"You have a brave girl. And she has a tough dad. I wish you luck" Nathan finished, then stepping away from Joel. He didn't want to stay for too long, for it would eventually get dark. Joel stared at his back as he stepped down the stairs. Ellie stood up once he reached her.
"And don't worry. Your secret's safe with me"

Joel couldn't think of anything he would say, so he decided to stay quiet. They both stared as Nathan walked further away from them, determinedly making his way towards the only family he possibly had left.

"See you!" Ellie shouted after him, and got a wave back before Nathan disappeared from their sight.

That evening was quiet. There was no stigma left in between Ellie and Joel, but they had barely said two words after Nathan had left. Joel lied on the couch with his eyes closed, for it was the only position that didn't hurt. The pain had already reduced significantly, but it would bother him if he didn't let it heal before they moved on. It should happen any day soon.

Ellie had pulled the armchair next to a window, staring outside into the darkness. She had lit the fireplace for warmth as soon as they got inside, and it felt very comfy being there with just Joel. It felt almost normal.

"Why me? What did I do to help him?" Ellie asked after so many hours of silence. She was still staring out the window, furrowing a brow as she thought of it. She was sure Joel wasn't sleeping, for she could hear him breath differently when he was.

Joel was surprised by the sudden question, looking at Ellie as he cracked his eyes open.
"You're his age. And you are strong" Joel answered after a short while of wondering. He weighed the situation before continuing, feeling like they should lighten the mood.
"And he had a crush on you"

Joel said it with a small smirk, and the tone made Ellie turn instantly. She saw he was smiling a bit, which made her scoff before giving out a small smile, too. She put her head down, shaking it a bit.
"Man, that was weird" she answered, laughing briefly while turning her eyes out the window again. Joel knew Ellie had no such feelings for the boy, but it was great fun to accuse her of it.
"The kiss didn't seem too passionate, I thought..."
"Fuck, Joel! I didn't ask for it!"
"Yeah, I know, I know" Joel laughed back once he had gotten the reaction he wanted. He was oddly comfortable in the situation, even though the day had been just terrible. But with Ellie laughing with him in a warm-ish house, he couldn't think of a reason not to feel good.
"You know what?" Ellie started again, getting up from the armchair and pulling it away from the window. He placed it near the couch to speak with Joel, then jumping on it again. It was soft and comfortable. Joel lifted his eyes to her again, wondering what she was about to say.
"This is good. Just the two of us" Ellie started, smiling a bit as she looked at him. Joel swallowed, putting his eyes down to see his abdomen. Doing that didn't allow him to see it because of the shirt, but he was pondering if he had the strength to sit up for the conversation. He decided he did.
"Hngh..." Joel grunted while the pain surprised him again, but he did manage to sit up. And it didn't hurt as much as it did a few hours ago.

He sighed, turning his eyes on the girl after a short while of silence. Before saying anything, he nodded a few times.
"It is" he answered briefly, but the look on his face gave away more than his words. Ellie stared at him, then scoffing once not to make the conversation too soft.
"How come you're so normal?" she asked, shaking her head very lightly. Joel furrowed his brows while waiting for an explanation for that.
"I mean.. every man I've met has either been a sick pig or just a dickhead" Ellie continued, making Joel understand her just a bit more. She looked confused. Even in the beginning she had felt so safe with Joel. Of course they've had their disagreements, but he'd always been reliable and protected her even with the threat of losing his own life.

Normally, Joel would've been bothered by the language, but the message was more important. Even though it wasn't presented the nicest way possible, it meant a lot to him. Now that he thought of it, he had gotten the same message from Alice the other day.

Even though Joel knew what she meant, he didn't want to think of it as an achievement.
"Define normal. You know the things I've done"
"Yeah, but that's not who you are. You're here now because that shit wasn't you" Ellie explained, almost cutting him off as she started talking. Even so, Joel didn't feel like praising himself for being there now. It wasn't his own decision in the beginning.
"No. I'm here because Tess..."

But then he faded out. Talking about Tess after these couple of days was hard. As he fell into his own thoughts, he didn't realize he'd said something wrong.

The words hit Ellie, too. The disappointment showed on her face. Did he still think of her as a burden Tess had laid on his shoulders? Was he still trying to get rid of her? Was he just playing nice?
"Oh" she sighed, putting her head down as she got up. Joel noticed this instantly.
"No, Ellie"
"I got it" she said while already heading away from him. Joel winced as he leaned forward to grab her arm, and got her turn around with a disappointed, a bit angry face. He knew she didn't want him to touch her right now, so he let go before speaking.
"No, you don't..." Ellie tried to stop him from talking, but didn't succeed.
"I care about you. I really do" he got out. Being sentimental was not really Joel's thing, but he had to say it. If there was just one person in the world left who actually mattered to him, he had to say it before it was too late.

Ellie looked at him, and the anger vanished. Her face was left empty, and her eyes moistened as she stared at his face. Even though her shield was cracking down, she didn't move. Not towards him, but not away.

"The last thing I want you to think is that I'd regret being here with you. I don't. I'm just.. sorry I haven't been able to protect you"

That's when Joel started to break down. His voice was shaking a bit, for now he was thinking of all the horrible things that had happened to Ellie when he had not been around to protect her. All the abuse and hate she had faced, and even the time when Joel laid his hands on her. It was still potential nightmare material to him.

"No, Joel. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't been there" Ellie said quietly, trying to hold the tears back. She wasn't quite able to do that, and one rolled down her cheek right after she finished talking.
"You would. I know..."
"I wouldn't. I was only able to do all those things 'cause I knew I had you waiting for me or trying to find me" Ellie rose the volume, staring at Joel with a serious gaze. She wasn't joking, and Joel saw it. He stayed quiet for a while, putting his eyes down while thinking of his next words.
"Neither would I" he started, but Ellie wasn't following. She furrowed her brows while trying to figure out what he meant.
"I wouldn't be here without you. If you hadn't been there when I lost Tess, I probably would've blown my brains out. But I had something to look after. I had a meaning -" Joel spoke quietly, shaking his head a bit before looking back up at Ellie.
" - you"

Ellie couldn't help but just stare at him. She was all mixed up. The winter had been so hard, it felt unbelievable that they were still drawing breath. To have someone say that to you in the middle of all that was everything.

Since Ellie didn't know what to say, Joel lifted his arm as a sign for Ellie to sit on the couch next to him. She didn't doubt it for a second, but rushed next to him before he put his hand around her to pull her closer. It hurt, but it didn't matter. Ellie tucked her head as close as she could, shutting her eyes and listening to his heartbeat.

After a few days, they were ready to take off. The day was warm and they could even see grass showing from between the piles of snow. They were sure thankful for the snow melting, since it did make walking so much easier.

"I can see why Tess liked you" Ellie blurted after a short while of silence. They had been chatting every now and then, and the atmosphere was a lot lighter than during their last trip. She had a crooked smile on her face, and Joel heard it from her voice. She was staring at the ground not to fall over as they passed through the woods.
"What?" Joel asked, even though he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it. He was walking ahead, dodging some branches while waiting for this story to continue.
"I mean, you are good looking and all"
"Ellie, don't say that"
"What? You know, if I were 60 years older, I'd be all over you" she scoffed, finally lifting her face to see him. Joel cracked a smile, shaking his head before slowing down to turn to see Ellie. She lifted her eyebrows, spreading her hands.
"What?"
"Come on, kiddo"

And that's that! I hope you enjoyed this additional journey Ellie and Joel had during the winter. As already said, I'm working on a TLOU and TWD crossover which will slightly follow the plot from TLOU2. I hope you stay tuned, for your support and nice words have kept me going! Have a wonderful autumn, see you soon!