His first stop was Rangiku's house. If Gin was hiding out anywhere, it's be with his best friend. He wasn't at all sure if she'd be in at this time of day, but it was a good place to start searching. So he raised his fist and knocked on the door.
He stood waiting on the porch for what felt like an eternity, but a few minutes later Rangiku answered.
"Oh, hello Aizen-san," she greeted him, a polite smile on her face. "What can I do for you?
He sighed, relieved she still lived at the same address he remembered. He didn't know what he would've done if she didn't answer.
"Hello," he smiled, feeling hopeful. "Is Gin here? I need to talk to him."
He watched her features erase the smile and move into an expression of confusion. "Gin?" she echoed, blinking and tilting her head.
"Yes, Gin," he repeated. "You know, your friend?"
He'd hoped her brain fog would clear then, and that she'd smile brightly and let him in. But she just stood in the doorway looking very confused.
"I don't know anyone with that name," she said slowly, with the utmost seriousness. "I'm really sorry."
Now it was Aizen's turn to be confused. "What?" he managed. This was a joke. This had to be a joke, surely. "Look, if he doesn't want to see me that's fine. All I want to know is that he's alright."
He tried to keep his voice even as he spoke, though he couldn't measure his success. "Can you just tell me that?"
He waited for her to drop the act and come clean. Say that Gin was inside and just didn't want to see him right now. But that didn't happen, and anxiety started to claw at his insides as the silence stretched on. The tension inside him building up to boiling point until she finally spoke.
"Captain, I'm really sorry," she shook her head slowly. "But I've never known anyone with that name. I think you must be mistaken."
A beat of silence passed, and the full weight of her words crashed down upon him. This wasn't a joke. She really didn't know who Gin was. Something – or someone – had taken Gin out of her memories.
He swallowed the rather large lump that'd formed in his throat. Trying to keep his composure. Keep standing. No matter how much his knees wanted to buckle under him.
"Yes, you're right," he answered. "You're right. I must be mistaken. Perhaps I misremembered." He cleared his throat. "Or mixed you up with someone else."
He managed a little laugh, fake though it was. "My memory isn't what it used to be. I must be getting old."
Her lips shifted into a little grin at that. "Oh stop, you aren't that old."
He forced another laugh. It came out stiffer than the last. It was something Gin would say. Ah shutup, y'aint that ol' yet. And his knees really wanted to buckle now. But he held himself upright. Because he had to. Because he had to fit into this reality and play his role within it.
"I'm glad to hear that," he smiled, trying not to choke on the memory of his lovely Gin expressing the same sentiment. "Well, I'll be on my way. I'm sorry for troubling you."
"Not at all, Aizen-san. Have a good day."
She closed the door quietly and left him alone to process the new information. If Gin's best friend in the whole damn world didn't remember him, then it was doubtful anyone else would either.
He turned and walked away from her door on stiff wooden puppet legs and trudged towards the town. He needed to make a trip to the Archives to confirm some suspicions.
. . .
Inside the Archive building, which was laid out like a large, very drab library, Aizen sought out the files he needed and sat at one of the tables. He'd sourced the records from the Academy, his own division, even the personal information records from the years Gin had enrolled and then been inducted into his division. Ready to sift through them all in the faint hope of finding some small trace of the man he loved.
He started with the division member records. Scanning the pages and files for Gin's name and details. But those turned up nothing.
Next he looked through the personnel files. Starting with the Seireitei residents. When those showed no signs of Gin, he moved onto the neighbourhoods outside of the city and then finally the Rukongai districts. But those were fruitless, too.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Afraid he might shatter into a thousand pieces if he so much as breathed too hard. This... was not promising. So far he'd seen no trace of Gin. None at all.
The Academy records were his last hope, and it was with shaky hands that he picked those up and opened them. Eyes searching the list of names for the years gin attended the school the year they'd met. Begun a wary courtship. Fallen in love.
He found nothing.
His hands shook violently now. Fear seeping into his from the outside in. This couldn't be happening. Wasn't happening...
He rose on shaking legs and strode over to the Research and Development files. Tearing file after file off the shelf in a last bid of desperation. Looking for something – anything – of Gin in there. Some proof he existed. Some proof his entire life hadn't been just some fever dream.
He pulled out all of the archived Research and Development files on rogue hollows. Nearly ripping apart the files to find what he sought. All empty. All useless. He even went looking through the Grand Fisher file – so the monstrous angler had been dubbed by the R&D team – which had been... difficult. Seeing his own words and statements inked onto the pages stirred some primal fear he'd long thought buried since the incident. But Gin had made statements for the record as well. And if Gin was going to be echoed anywhere, it'd be in this file, as he'd given the more detailed account. Aizen had been knocked out for the count at the time, after all. But when even that file turned up nothing, his heart began to sink even further.
He must have turned nearly every page of that file. Once to check, twice to double check, and thrice to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. But the truth was there in front of him. Staring him in the face.
Gin did not exist.
He let out another deeply shaky breath. Even pinching himself just to make sure he wasn't stuck in a nightmare and would wake with the pain to find Gin sound asleep beside him in bed.
But no. The pinch hurt. And it was right there in black and white. Staring him in the face.
Ichimaru Gin simply didn't exist.
And if not even Rangiku knew who he was, then it might even be impossible to find him. More impossible to keep himself glued together into something resembling sane.
Because the man he knew and loved had just vanished without a trace. No proof at all that he ever even existed except in his faulty memory. Leaving him to question what'd been real, or if any of it had been real at all.