Family Reunion

/+/+/+/+/

Lucifer Magne let out a yawn, leaned back in his seat, and snapped his fingers. The three assassins hiding out on his balcony burst into flames, screaming as they fell down, down, down to the ground. He pinched his brow, grumbling incoherent obscenities. That was the fifteenth assassination attempt in two days—or seventeenth if each assassin was hired by a different person.

Well, anything to break up the monotony, he supposed. Life had been so dreadfully boring since his daughter moved out to pursue her insane dream. Why Charlotte thought the dregs damned to Hell could be redeemed and enter Heaven was beyond him. He certainly hadn't instilled such pointless naïveté in her. Hell, even when he was little more than a doll dancing around for his Father's amusement, he had more sense than that…He supposed his wife once held such inane ideals, but she'd burned away such things when she shook off the yoke of his Father's 'grand design'.

Lucifer's face pinched, his soul burning with the same fury it had all those eons ago. He'd thought he'd raised his daughter better. To disregard the pawns in Heaven and rule over Hell. But she just kept disappointing him! Always droning on and on about how 'unfortunate' and 'pitiful' the damned were. Always growing despondent whenever Heaven's Exorcists slaughtered demons. Always talking about how she could change things for the better. Ridiculous!

"Oh, I don't know about that. I think it's rather charming."

Lucifer instinctively burst into flames, waves of dark crimson fire washing over his office. Everything burned to ash. Even the portrait of his family hanging over the entrance-which he vowed to never tell his wife and daughter, they'd never let him hear the end of it. Still...there was something wrong with his surroundings. A presence that wouldn't leave. But there were only two people capable of sneaking up on him, his wife and daughter. But Lilith was off on vacation, and Charlotte was traipsing about in her hotel.

So, it couldn't be someone from Hell. Which left only one option. One that made Lucifer's coal-black heart freeze in his chest.

"Well, you always were a little slow on the uptake."

Lucifer, finally able to pinpoint the intruder's location, turned on his heel. His body convulsed, bulking up drastically, two horns growing out of his skull, his mouth elongating into a snout, infernal energy oozing out his every pore. But he froze in place as he was met by overflowing, golden light. The Holy Spirit. Not the pittance the Exorcist's expended during their yearly purges. No, this was older, grander, familiar. He recognized it. Misse—Hated it.

The light dimmed, revealing its source. An ancient part of Lucifer's soul ached at the familiar shape—the flaming core shielded by impossibly interlocked bronze rings and ivory wings, bright eyes staring in every direction. The angel shuddered, its physical form melting, pooling to the ground and rising to a new shape. A humanoid shape.

The angel looked like a human now—a dark-skinned man, head bald, lips curled into a wide, shining smile behind a dark, bushy beard. But his eyes, his eyes betrayed his true form. The fire brimming just under the surface, the desire to burst free and purify everything around him. Lucifer lost himself in those eyes, in the reflection of his past self.

"Hello, Luci," the angel said. "How've you been? Taking care of yourself? Ah"—he held a hand up—"Father's words, not mine."

All at once, Lucifer broke free of his stupor. His fury returned, the angel's identity lighting up in his mind like a bonfire. "Metatron!" he hissed.

"Were you expecting Gabriel?" Metatron spread his arms wide. "Or perhaps Michael—you look like you're in need of an ass-kicking."

Lucifer snarled, blazing crimson rings spreading out from his feet. "What the fuck are you doing here? Actually, no, I don't care. Fuck off!" The fire beneath him burst forward, intent on incinerating the intruder.

Metatron lit up like a flaming sack of puppies soaked in gasoline. But before Lucifer could congratulate himself, Metatron stepped out of the flames, wiping soot off his shoulders. The angel clicked his tongue. "Was that supposed to hurt?"

Lucifer didn't dignify that with a response. Instead, he snapped his fingers, the ashes and cinders in the room swirling together and reforming into unmarred furnishings. He sat down at his desk, swiveling in his seat. "Fuck off. I've got work to do."

Lucifer ignored the sound of Metatron plopping down on the desk. The feathery fuck drummed his fingers along the desk. "Work? Really?" Lucifer took a deep breath, willing his fury to stay at a low simmer. Metatron wouldn't stay—he had the all-important job of Father's chief cock-guzzler. Couldn't leave God's Divine Rod alone for too long. "I thought you turned against Father in protest of such things."

Lucifer was certain several blood vessels popped all over his body. He shot to his feet, whirled around, and grabbed Metatron by his neck. "That's not why I rebelled, and you know it!"

Metatron, the smug little shit, smiled. "…I'm sorry, Luci, but I can't take you seriously when you look like that. Of all things, why a lamb?"

Lucifer growled, rolling his neck as he shrank down to his usual form. "That's not it."

"Right." Lucifer tightened his grip on Metatron's neck. When that didn't hurt him, Lucifer threw the bastard at a wall. It didn't do anything either, because of course it didn't, but he did enjoy the way the room shook upon impact, the glass of the windows shattering into sparkling shards.

The wails of the damned rushing through the open windows soothed Lucifer. Reminded him where he now drew his strength.

"You know"—Metatron pushed himself off the wall—"for someone that claims to despise mankind, your current form certainly looks a lot like one of them. Well, a corpse of one—and one without a nose, what's with that?"

Lucifer slammed his hands against his desk. "What in the ever-loving fuck do you want?"

"Other than messing with you?"

Lucifer's fingernails dug into his desk.

"Alright, alright, calm down." Finally, Metatron lost his smile. "I'm here because of this." The angel snapped his fingers, a television appearing in a flash of light. It flickered on, and Charlotte's face filled the screen.

Lucifer's first instinct was rage—now, after all this time, those prissy fucks took an interest in his daughter?! But then the image of Charlotte pulled back, revealing it to be the time she advertised her hotel on Katie Killjoy's news program. Lucifer's anger was promptly overshadowed by mortification—the exact same mortification he felt when he first saw his daughter's literal song and dance advertising her hotel.

Metatron, the fucker, bobbed along to the song. "Inside of every demon is a rainbow~…It's a rather catchy tune, isn't it?"

"Oh fucking hell." Lucifer dropped his head on his desk, splintering the wood. "Just fucking end me."

"Ah!" Metatron directed his brilliant smile Lucifer's way. "Father thought you might say something along those lines."

"Did He now?" Lucifer ground out.

"Yes." Metatron sent the television away with another snap of his fingers. "He said, and I quote, 'Don't be silly. You've never been more entertaining'."

Lucifer scoffed, then grinned ear-to-ear as a thought formed in his mind. "Yes, that's all He really cares about, isn't it? How well we play on the stage He crafted. I mean, after all these eons—"

"Oh Luci." Metatron shook his head, his smile shrinking to a wry grin. "If your silvery tongue didn't turn me in the beginning, do you really think it would work now? Lesser as you are?"

Lucifer snarled, a fiery jet bursting out from his mouth. "Lesser?!" He shot to his feet. "I am king of all Hell! Demons everywhere bow to my whims! I can reshape all nine circles with a thought! I've so thoroughly fucked with His 'precious designs' that countless humans find themselves trapped in my domain upon the end of their miserable, pathetic lives!" His body morphed once again, expanding, towering over Metatron as flames rolled off his body. "I have never stood higher!"

"You used to be able to fly."

Lucifer stilled. Metatron's lips thinned into a line, the fire in his eyes threatening to break free and pour onto the ground. Lucifer held the angel's gaze for a long moment.

Eventually, Lucifer turned away, shrinking back down. "…What do you plan on doing to my daughter?"

"Nothing," Metatron answered. "For now. In truth, her plans for assisted rehabilitation are met with…cautious optimism among the upper echelons of Heaven." He chuckled. "It's certainly better than Jesus's plan to march down to Hell and kick down the iron gates."

Lucifer blinked, slowly looking over his shoulder. "Did you just reference Dante's-fucking-Inferno?"

"It's a good story—and a great hack-and-slash."

"Huh." Lucifer shook his head. "You have video games in Heaven?"

"…It's Heaven."

"…Fun ones?"

"What do you think Heaven is—wait, don't answer that," he said when Lucifer made to interrupt. "I almost forgot who I was talking to."

"Did you now?" Lucifer smirked. "Maybe I am losing my edge."

Metatron chuckled. "Lost your edge, gained a family—life's all about those little gives and takes."

Lucifer hummed, turning to stare out the broken balcony window. He observed the wretched down below-those trapped in Hell with him. He had changed since the beginning, hadn't he? When he first found Lilith, he wasn't expecting much other than another body to throw against the cogs of his Father's machine. To find out that there was so much more to her than their shared fury—the joy of tearing down the proud, the rush of ripping apart the mighty, the delight of watching each other work. And from that love, eventually, came their daughter, his dear Charlotte, who had the potential to grow greater than both of them combined. If only—

Lucifer jolted back, clutching at his chest. What the ever-loving-fuck was he doing?! Thinking such things in front of an angel? Was he fucking high? Well, he did have a very wild night with Lilith just before she left, but he didn't partake in anything that would let him think such…soft things.

He gasped, the answer coming to him like a bolt of lightning. He whirled around, snarling at Metatron. "Stop that!"

The bastard just giggled. "It's not on purpose, Luci. It's a natural consequence of our Father's light."

"You're one of God's number one ass-kissers!" Lucifer huffed. "If anyone has any control over how to best gargle His cum, it's you!"

Metatron hummed. "Well, I think I'm done here."

"Finally." Lucifer bowed mockingly. "Need help leaving? I think I've got a box I can stuff you in."

Metatron ignored Lucifer. "Just know that we'll be keeping an eye on your daughter."

Lucifer's first instinct was to declare that Charlotte was off-limits. But he knew it would be useless. Especially if Father was so interested in her. "So, she'll succeed then?" It would be good to start preparing for a celebration.

"Who knows." Metatron shrugged. "Father's being tight-lipped about it."

"Of course He is." Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Still acting like He hasn't already seen how it all plays out, I see."

"He knows all that we're going to do. Unless we do something different."

"…Futurama?"

"His favorite episode of any animated series—for obvious reasons."

"Oh yes—ego pandering, so inspired."

"Oh, like you didn't ride the high of 'Paradise Lost' for centuries."

"Ugh." Lucifer groaned, holding his head in his hands. "Don't get me started on that steaming pile of bullshit. Have you actually read that fucking thing? The things Milton purported I did, absolutely disgu—wait a minute." Lucifer paused, mind screeching to halt. Why was he acting so…chummy? Again?! He looked up at Metatron, snarling at the angel's sly grin. "You motherfucker—stop that!"

Metatron spread his arms wide. "I think you're the problem here, Luci. Why are you getting so riled up? I thought you rejected our Father's light in its entirety?"

Lucifer trembled, a stream of fire shooting past his lips. He took a deep breath, straightening to his full height. "Enough! I've entertained your puerile madness for far too long. Leave!"

Metatron narrowed his eyes, their glow dimming. "…Very well, I've had my fun. Fair warning, some more of our siblings might be dropping by. Get some word on our niece and all that."

Lucifer snarled, slamming his fist through his desk. "None of you shall so much as breathe in her direction!"

"Considering her ultimate goal involves paving a path to Heaven for the damned, I think that's pretty unlikely."

It was, but Lucifer preferred to think otherwise. And now that he knew that the feathery fuck ups there were actually paying attention to her. If he were smart, he'd just torpedo Charlotte's plans and hide her away until everything blew over. But…Lucifer has always been a little soft, where his daughter was concerned.

Lucifer crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Metatron. "No one interferes, you hear me? She will rise or fall by her own merit."

"Of course, Lucifer," Metatron replied. "Any outside interference on our part would render her efforts meaningless, after all." His lips spread into another smile. A genuine one. "It was good seeing you again, brother."

Lucifer grunted, stubbornly turning away. But he kept Metatron in the corner of his eye, watching as Metatron's body exploded with light—his true, impossible form shining like a beacon—before disappearing into the ether.

An indescribable darkness surrounded Lucifer in those first seconds after Metatron left. It seeped into his soul, iron chains dragging on his heart. Lucifer growled, smothering those useless and ancient feelings with rage and indignation. He didn't have time to focus on his past life—his daughter and her apparently viable desires took priority.

But first, he needed to clean up. He could still feel his Father's stifling light on every surface Metatron touched. Lucifer took a deep breath, taking a moment to encase his family portrait behind a magic shield-no sense in damaging three times, then both Lilith and Charlotte would really let him have it.

He raised his left hand, a small blood red orb forming in the center of the room. He clenched his fist, and the orb exploded, a crimson mushroom cloud bursting up into the sky. The wails of the damned rose to a fever pitch as they were caught up in the blast, only disappearing when Lucifer reformed his office, blocking them out.

Yet still, some of his Father's presence remained. But it was so minute, Lucifer was certain only he would be able to feel it...he'd just have to live with it. Especially since more of his damnable family would be making surprise fucking visits, spilling traces of their Father everywhere.

He sank into his chair, pinching his brow. Between his daughter and his Father he was thoroughly fucked. He looked up, finding comfort in his family portrait...Charlotte. For her sake, he'd have no choice but to weather the coming shitstorm.

Still…He would need a minute to sort through his muddled thoughts and feelings. Family often did that to you.

/+/+/+/+/

A/N: Hazbin Hotel, and Helluva Boss, are great shows and I recommend everyone watch them. Don't know if this'll turn into something more though.