Chapter 3

It was late when Anne crept into her blue room and huddled on her window seat miserably. She cringed, thinking of the weeks to come- of Marilla's disappointed face, of Josie's scorn- the ridicule of classmates, and the thought of Gilbert battling all of it alone. She bent her face to her knees and cried then, over and over reliving the decision to not go home with the others that day. So caught in her misery, Anne did not hear her bedroom door open and close, and subsequently jumped when Phil's arms came around her.

"Honey, what is it? We missed you after the game- did you and Gilbert have plans that we didn't know about?"

At this, the storm of sobs suddenly seemed to increase, and a startled Phil shook Anne gently. "Anne, what is it? What happened?" She suddenly froze, her eyes widening. "Anne, tell me you haven't gone and refused Gilbert Blythe now?"

Anne's head flew up in horror, and she grabbed Phil's wrist in a panic. "Why? What did you hear?"

Phil pushed back a honey-brown curl behind her ear, utterly mystified. "Anne, I heard you- you were crying- because my bedroom shares a wall with you. I only surmised that it was because of Gilbert."

The flood of tears that came on now was beyond anything Phil had ever witnessed in Anne. Keeping her concern hidden, she used the no-nonsense manner that had made her the bane of her childhood nannies. "Anne Shirley, whatever it is that you've done, pull yourself together!" she scolded. "For goodness sakes, you are a Redmond student, not some blubbering mess." At the blaze of indignation that flared in Anne's swollen eyes, Phil sighed in relief. "That's better- I thought I'd lost you. Anne, you're frightening me."

Anne sat up then, rubbing her exhausted face. "Phil, it's not what you think," she said thickly.

Phil took the washcloth from Anne's stand, dipping it in the cool water jug and handing it to Anne to wash her face. "You don't know what I'm thinking- but you'd better tell me what has happened."

When she had regained her breath, Anne closed her eyes, leaning against the cool window frame. Exhausted, she began to relate the story, from the moment she had walked away from Phil and the others after the game, until the present moment.

Phil appeared frozen, and Anne watched her with eyes too tired to blink. Almost as if in a dream, Phil got up and walked out of the room without a word, and a fresh batch of tears began to flow from the distraught girl. Phil, Stella, Priscilla and Aunt Jimsie were her family- they had been together for over a year now: if they couldn't accept this, then who would?

Some minutes later, Anne looked up at the sound of footsteps to see Phil with a bewildered Priscilla and Stella in tow.

"Honey, you need to tell them what you just told me," Phil said firmly. "You're going to need us all right now."

A short time later, the girls were in nightgowns and robes, and Phil tended to the fire in the lounge room while they waited for the others. Anne sat in the squashy chair with a blanket wrapped around her, her pale face staring into the fire restlessly. She had found herself being marched downstairs when Stella discovered that she hadn't eaten since before the game, and the girls now sat down to talk through the issue with their tea before them.

Anne quietly recounted the conversation that had taken place in the orchard, and for a time there was silence in the room, while the others exchanged uneasy glances.

Phil cleared her throat then. "Alright. So Gilbert wants you to stay."

Anne shivered. "Yes." She lay her head back on the chair, her grey eyes stormy. "He thinks that we should get married like Professor Daniels suggested." The girls were silent, and she clenched her teeth. "We are halfway through college- neither of us is well off, and he would be shackled to me for all time, for a mistake that I made."

Phil's eyebrows were raised, and she nodded doubtfully. "Ye-eees, although him being shirtless certainly made circumstances a lot more sinister, I think."

Anne's eyes flashed and she tugged the blanket higher. "If I hadn't gone there, then it wouldn't have happened."

Priscilla put down her tea with a soft sigh. "Anne, why did you go? You might have known that they would care for Gilbert adequately."

"They didn't!" Anne said, her voice sharp. "He was left alone with a concussion- and I have never in my life seen bruising like he has now." She closed her eyes then, her regret palpable. "I- I didn't think. It was foolish."

Stella harrumphed. "Well, so was him taking off his shirt in front of a girl. What on earth was he thinking?"

"Oh, probably that he's done it in front of me before," Anne mumbled, shocking the others into silence. She looked up to see all three of them staring at her with open mouths, and her cheeks flushed. "It was- nothing. He fell from a tree once. His mother was checking him for broken bones- we were studying together."

Priscilla closed her mouth, after giving Stella an expressive glance. "I see," was all she said.

"Be that as it may, it's happened now," Phil stated. "We just need to figure out what you're going to do."

Anne groaned. "Phil, I've already been through this with Gilbert. There's nothing we can do."

Priscilla's look was gentle. "Well, I'm with Gilbert, sweetie. There is something- and to be quite honest, I think you should do it."

Anne's cry was choked. "Priss, you can't be serious-"

"Oh, but I can. Two years, Anne," the flaxen-haired girl insisted. "Two years of teaching to earn enough to come here- two years worth of college behind you, and a scholarship that covered most of this year's tuition. You can't just walk away from that."

"Why does everyone seem to think that marriage is the only way?" Anne stormed.

"Well, we wouldn't, ordinarily," Stella said calmly. "In fact, if it wasn't Gilbert, I'd tell you to go and to leave this mess behind you. It's archaic, but I've had Professor Hallett for over a year in Philosophy- he's a stickler for propriety. He won't bend. At least three co-eds have been dismissed by him for similar matters since we've been here- he's made it quite plain that he doesn't like having women in the classroom."

Priscilla handed a teacup to a shivering Anne, her lovely face frowning. "Why ever not?"

"He believes that we interfere with the discipline of the place," Stella answered with a shrug. "He wanted his daughter to attend a college in Montreal, apparently- strictly a ladies college. He lost the vote though, and when Claire was old enough, she came here, just like her brothers. Madison Crowley knows her well- she's in his class with me."

There was silence for a time, and Rusty leapt onto the arm of Anne's chair. She settled him on her lap, bleakly wondering what he would do when she was gone. Where would she go? What plans could she possibly make so far into the school year?

Stella was frowning now. "What I don't understand is why Daniels is getting involved. What could he possibly gain from it? You aren't his student."

Phil's brown eyebrow rose, and she lowered her voice, despite the fact that only the girls were at home. "Because he promised the faculty a Cooper Prize winner."

Anne's head flew up, and green eyes scorched. "Gilbert mentioned that- it's to medical school, isn't it?"

"Exactly. You said it yourself- no perfect record, no scholarship."

Anne exhaled angrily. "So he stepped in to ensure Gilbert would still be able to try for it, no matter what situation it put us in?"

"Anne, don't read it like that. He was saving you out of a situation you and Gilbert put yourselves in. Of course he has ulterior motives- he's hardly a fairy godmother. The Cooper prize hasn't been taken in years- and the benefactors will give the money to another college if no one at Redmond can take it. He's had to beg to let them hold onto it for another few years."

Stella tipped her head at Phil. "How do you know about that?"

Phil was calm. "Because they wanted me to try out for it as well." The room erupted with exclamations then, and Phil shrugged. "I'm only second to Gilbert by a small margin- and the highest subject weighted is mathematics, isn't it? Daniels wanted more candidates- and he tried to talk me into giving Gilbert some competition next year."

Anne's grey eyes were enormous. "Would you consider going for it?"

Phil snorted. "Honey, be serious. My mother had a hard time with me coming to Redmond for four years- imagine what would happen if I told her I was interested in staying for another three to go to medical school, of all things? That's not me. They don't think I would win, by the way- and you wouldn't believe the work involved. Gilbert, however, is quite likely to make it."

Anne's brow lowered. "Then why didn't he just intervene for Gilbert? Why lump me in as well?"

"Because he knew what he was doing. Hallett will be out for blood- and anyone can see that they don't get on well," Phil said flatly. "He accused Daniels of marking his daughter down in our first year- and he was very suspicious of my marks, I can assure you. Wheels within wheels, and all that."

Anne rubbed her face tiredly. " Good grief. Who knew the mathematics department was so riddled with drama?"

"Those who can do geometry, of course."

Phil's cheeky comment earned a petulant look from Anne, however, she couldn't help but smile as the brown haired girl came over to hug Anne tightly, followed by Stella and Priscilla. She bit her lip to hold back the tears as they comforted her, thankful for their presence.

"I promise, we'll get you through this, sweetie," Priscilla said, slightly muffled by the tangle of arms surrounding them.

Stella nodded, perching on the other arm of the chair. "And whatever you decide to do, we'll support you. But don't make this decision hastily, Anne." She looked up into the serious, dark eyes of her friend. "You and Gilbert are each formidable on your own- and I can't help but wonder what you could accomplish together."

Later that night, after the discussion had begun to go into circles and Anne declared herself too exhausted to think any longer, Phil saw Anne to her room and tucked into her bed. She surprised her then, by sitting down, smoothing the apple leaf quilt under her hand.

"Thank you, Phil," Anne said quietly.

"Don't thank me. I've done nothing yet."

Anne's lip twitched against her will. "Just what do you expect to do?"

"We'll see," Phil said cryptically. "Here is what I don't understand. I think that there is a part of you that wants this." She saw the anger flare in Anne's eyes and sighed. "Not that, you goose. I meant- Gilbert's offer."

"I don't 'want' him," Anne said petulantly. "I want us to be able to continue as we are. I want him to live a long, successful life, to find someone who loves him as he deserves- and he doesn't deserve this."

Phil sighed. "Give me some credit, Anne. I know that there is a part of you that is tempted to do this, right here, right now. And I imagine that terrifies you."

"Then why would I do it?"

Phil knelt down by Anne's bed, her brown curls tucked behind one ear. "I know you don't like people telling you what to do- and I understand that."

Anne rolled her eyes. "Phil, who has ever bossed you around?"

"Honey, if I wasn't here, my mother would have chosen my husband by now. Daddy told me that he couldn't hold her off forever- which is why he suggested I go to college."

"And how would you have liked someone arranging your marriage?"

Her brown eyes twinkled. "Not at all. But this is not the same situation."

"I know that," Anne grumbled. "It's not enough to fight it for the principle?"

"No," Phil said baldly. "It's not. The girls and I can see that. This is not a silly suggestion, in view of what is at stake. And the thing that makes it all very real is Gilbert himself. Anne, you come alive when he is nearby- and he does you. Now you either need to make a life completely without him, or you need to make him a part of your own. It's not about whether you think you love him or not- it's not even about what you would do if this situation hadn't happened. It has. You don't want to be without him, and you don't want to leave. The solution is simple."

Anne flung herself out of bed impatiently, her flannel nightgown billowing around her. "It is anything but simple, Phil! This isn't for the next eighteen months- he would be my husband, Phil! He would eventually be the father of my children- the complications are unending. For us to continue to study, neither of us would be working- and both of us are equally poor," Anne said bluntly.

"The finances are not the problem," the brown-eyed mathematician said practically, stopping Anne in her tracks. "Think about it- you both pay rent and board- you would just be doing that together, with only one amount of rent to pay. You would share expenses. we've run this house for a year now- and you and Gilbert are more than able to do that together. You both earn your way through college anyway- you could even work through the summer like you had intended to. You know that Gilbert works hard and that he is as determined to finish as you are- although to be honest, I think he will leave Redmond if you do."

Anne choked, her eyes filling with angry tears. "Then he is foolish."

Phil shook her head, her look sad. "Anne, if they take away his scholarships like they will yours, won't he have to?"

Anne froze, her eyes enormous. "But if I asked them-" she faltered.

Phil sighed. "Anne, you are in this situation because the faculty won't bend. Do you really think they are obligated to listen to you?"

"I thought if I left that he would be fine," she muttered miserably. "Phil, he wants to be a doctor-"

"And he still could, if he has the chance to finish." Phil's look was kind. "Your fortunes are tied together, honey. And to be truthful, I think they have been since you hit him with that slate in school."

Anne's eyes filled with angry tears, and she shook her head. "Gilbert deserves better than this. Phil, he didn't even get angry tonight- and he held me so tightly. I felt safe," she said brokenly. "But I can't marry him without love."

Phil stood up to face her, her brown eyes fierce. "Anne, that is love," she snapped. "I know you don't want to hear it, but if I cared for someone the way you do for Gil, then I would have my children's names picked out already."

Anne folded her arms, her eyes glittering. "What about Jo?"

"Simon and Olivia Blake," Phil said coolly. "As it happens, I do care for him as you do Gilbert."

Anne stilled herself. "I'm- I'm happy for you, Phil."

Phil pulled Anne to sit beside her on the bed. "I know you are. And I know that you wanted that to happen for you too- to meet someone new, and to be swept off your feet- but what if love doesn't always begin the way you think it does? Can you think of anyone better than Gilbert to make a home with- to live with, and work, and study and laugh with?"

Anne stopped, for the first time faintly uncertain. "No. I never did." Phil's jaw dropped at the unexpectedly honest answer, and Anne was furious at herself for blushing. "I- I have a house in my dreams," she admitted feebly. "I can't help but picture it. And for some reason, Gilbert Blythe is always there in the background."

Phil's lip twitched, and a dimple appeared on her cheek. "And what is he doing there?"

The redhead gave a wry smile. "Oh, the usual. Hanging pictures, planning gardens- cooking and reading with me. Hardly the stuff of romance novels."

Phil studied Anne curiously. "Interesting. Why would you, Anne Shirley, dream of a home that doesn't involve romance?"

Anne cleared her throat, her cheeks a dull red. "It's just a fleeting imagination, Phil- it doesn't necessarily make sense. But if you must know, someone romantic was there too- a poet, someone properly melancholy and brooding."

"Just the type who would bore you to tears after a time, honey."

Anne scowled at her. "How would you know that?"

"Because otherwise, why would Gilbert be there?" Phil said unanswerably. "It's your imagination. You need more than a Byronic hero, Anne. I wonder if what you really need is something you don't yet recognise in Gilbert." Phil suddenly laughed at herself. "Goodness. Wouldn't Professor Wiseman be proud of me? Using his psychology lectures after all." She turned to Anne, who was studiously studying her fingernails, and she sighed. "So Gilbert Blythe was there in your dream house- setting up the house and arranging pictures."

Anne frowned. "Well- yes."

"And you were laughing and talking and working together; you admit that he's one of the best men on God's green earth, and yet he's not the man you imagine yourself falling in love with."

There was a pause then. "No."

Phil rubbed her face with a groan. "I'm getting a headache," she mumbled. She got to her feet and turned to Anne frankly. "Anne, be honest with me- are you refusing him because everyone thinks you should be with him? They do, by the way."

Anne shot up in bed with an indignant look. "Well, it certainly doesn't help matters! Do people have no imagination at all?"

Her friend sighed, leaning against the end of her bed. "We don't need imagination, sweetie. All we need to see is the two of you together. It's chemistry. It's why half the girls at Redmond hate you: you have a hold over Gilbert that they can't break."

"I don't want to hold him!"

Phil bent over to look her in the eyes. "Anne, you get jealous when any of the girls just look at him. You even did it to me when we first met. Oh, not that Gilbert could tell- but I can. And it's not wrong to feel that way, either." She sighed, and her brown eyes were regretful. "I'm sorry, honey. If this hadn't happened I would simply leave it to you to sort out in your own time. But I'm afraid you need to make a decision now." Anne was silent now, her face stricken, and Phil stood up with a groan. "I don't want you to leave. Not like this. It would be an admission of guilt to the faculty- and both you and Gilbert will be penalised far beyond what an incident like this deserves. I don't want to see you give up college, Anne- and frankly, it will hurt the girls and I terribly to have you leave Kingsport. We're your family." Anne's eyes were swimming at this point, and she gave a faint hiccup. Phil spoke slowly. "I think you need Gilbert. I think you might even love him. Now, you may not agree with me yet- but even you need to admit that it is the smarter option to stay- and I don't believe there is anyone better suited to you than he is. Just- think about it."

Phil bent down to kiss Anne's pale cheek and closed the door softly behind her, leaving a white and shaken girl behind her.

The clock had just chimed three as Anne lay shivering in bed, unable to sleep, and unable to get warm. As she lay in the dark, she tried to wrap the quilt around her tighter. She closed her eyes as the tormenting voice of the Presbyterian minister echoed through her mind, looking down on his errant flock in judgment.

If two lie together, then they have heat.

Anne burrowing into her pillow crossly, her cheeks indeed heating. What on earth made her think about that obscure scripture now? She had been perfectly warm in her blue room before this- although she now found herself absently wondering what Gilbert was doing on the other side of Kingsport. She didn't know what his boarding house was like. Brown, he had once said- but perhaps she was being ridiculous. Perhaps he was not cold at all. Was he still trying to think of a way out, a way to keep them both here? Was he awake even now? Blaming her, angry at her- yet he had offered his hand. For just a moment, Anne ceased her squirming, her worried eyes on the dark ceiling above her. If she was to be honest, she suspected another reason why he had done so- and it was the real reason she had said no.

Somehow, that evening under the birch trees at Miss Lavender's wedding, somehow she had stumbled upon a thought that was as terrifying as it was true- Gilbert cared for her. Nothing had been the same since that day- under every moment they had spent together, there was an awareness of something inside that felt as if it was awakening against her will- and that he wanted it to happen. A hot, bitter tear slipped down her cooling cheek, then. Why must change happen? Didn't he value what they already had? Why couldn't he let them stay the way they had been?

When Anne had finally turned off the lamp and lay in darkness, the road before her had been resolutely straight. She had clutched Mrs Lynde's handiwork under shaking hands, her principles holding her steady. It would hurt. There would be pain. She would miss the girls- she would miss the electric atmosphere of intelligent minds at work.

A pang shot through her then, one that left her stunned at its sharpness.

She would miss him.

Gilbert, who had worked so hard alongside her to be here. The jokes that no one else could understand- the rivalry that had never diminished in intensity, although the bitterness had long since faded. She saw him leaning back on his chair in the library, teasing her and pushing the unruly curls back from his forehead, his sleeves rolled up in a way that made the staid librarian frown darkly.

They- they would write. Over the past summer, Gilbert had shown himself to be an interesting correspondent- intelligent and frank, with a humour that had made her burst into laughter at the breakfast table once- greatly disturbing Mrs Lynde, and making Davy ask Anne what the joke had been. She, in turn, had written pages and pages to him about anything and nothing. Suddenly, Anne froze, unable to picture doing it now. How could she write? When he would be in Kingsport battling to survive, and she- where would she be? Alone- and eating her heart out for her own people.

Missing him.

And Anne pictured it vividly. She tossed and turned through the long, cold night, and shortly before dawn, she drifted off to sleep with a frown on her face, the voice of the reverend sounding in her mind.

But how can one be warm alone?

When the dull morning light rose over Patty's Place, an exhausted Gilbert opened the gate and walked up the steps slowly. To his surprise, the door opened immediately- and a fully dressed Anne walked out only to close the door behind her. He halted, looking at the odd spot of colour on each pale cheek. There was no greeting, no sign that their conversation from the previous night had been interrupted.

"You're early," she said softly.

Gilbert nodded, a muscle in his cheek jumping. "I thought it best."

Anne took another step toward him, studying his face, and he wondered what she was searching for. There was a painful silence before Anne spoke.

"Did you mean what you said?"

Gilbert blinked at her. "Yesterday? Which part?"

"The part where you said that you would be willing to marry me."

Gilbert's breath left him in a rush, and he clutched the wooden post in disbelief. "Yes."

Anne drew in a shaking breath, and there was something unknown in her expression. "I don't want to go. I don't want to give up on our dream, and I don't want you to miss out on yours. But somehow, it was the thought of writing to you that hurt me the most."

Gilbert's brows lowered in confusion. "Writing to me?"

"You and I shouldn't have to write to know how the other is doing." She made no move to approach him and licked her lips nervously. "We should know- because we should be here together. And someone needs to make sure you survive football season," she said lightly. "It may as well be your wife."

Gilbert stepped toward her, frowning. "So what you said last night-"

"I did mean it, Gil," Anne said carefully. "We shouldn't be forced into this. And if I thought we would be unhappy together I would leave, no matter what the consequences were for our schooling." His nearness was unsettling her, and unable to meet his eyes, she studied the hands that clenched and unclenched before her, and her voice was so soft that he had to lean in to listen. "I may not be ready for this- but then I was forced to imagine my world without you."

Gilbert's voice was husky, both hope and fear warring in his chest. "And- ?"

She swallowed, forced now to admit a frightening truth. "And I find that I am even less prepared for that."

He reached for her hand, unexpectedly warm without gloves on the cold morning, and she cleared her throat. "Do you really think we could make this work?"

Seemingly struck dumb with shock, Gilbert finally nodded. "I think so." He exhaled then, pulling his hand away to rub his tired face. "You know that we won't escape the gossip. Everyone will think that we-"

"I know, I know-" Anne said hurriedly, her cheeks flushing. "But they will think that anyway if I go. I know that we have an uphill battle just getting through today- but if there is a way where you and I don't have to do this alone- then, if you were willing-"

Unable to contain himself any longer, Gilbert pulled her into his arms tightly, his heart thundering. "Of course I'm willing, Anne. But I need to know that you're sure- it's not like you could change your mind afterwards."

Anne's clear grey eyes were on him, and she shrugged as she studied him. "Gilbert, nothing in my life has ever gone according to plan- and something good has always come out of the unexpected. I'm going to take that as a good omen."

Gilbert then pulled away from her deliberately, cradling his sore arm as he dropped down to an awkward kneel on one knee.

"Gilbert, what on earth are you doing?" Anne said, bending down in bewilderment. "That can't be good for you down there."

He grinned, wincing at a particularly sharp throb from his shoulder. "I don't care. We're not being cheated out of this bit."

She watched in surprise as he took her hand in his, not seeing Phil and Priscilla peeking out of the living room windows and then grabbing onto each other in shock at the sight of the pair. Stella elbowed her way through to stare out the window, all three girls determined to witness this piece of history in the making.

Gilbert's hazel eyes twinkled at the girl he loved, and he mirrored her smile. "Anne Shirley, will you marry me at your earliest possible convenience?"

She laughed then. "I thought we had already agreed on that."

"Humour me."

Anne's cheeks were pink, and she chuckled. "Fine, then, Gilbert. Yes. Now, for pity's sake, get up- it's freezing down there."

She helped him to his feet carefully, and before she could step away, he bent to kiss her flushed cheek, beaming. "Right. So we're getting married." He grabbed her arm then, wide-eyed. "Anne- you and I are getting married-" He chuckled dryly. "And if we are going to pull this off, then it had better be soon."

"Yes. It can't wait till we're home at Christmas," she said reluctantly. She stilled then, and Gilbert accurately guessed the direction of her thoughts.

"We'll tell them everything. It's going to be alright."

Anne then looked up at him, her grey-green eyes sparkling. "Gil, I don't think Professor Hallett has any intention of making this easy for us. I believe he expects us to quit."

Gilbert studied her face and nodded. "I thought that too. But in eighteen months time, come what may, he is going to have to sign our diplomas, and admit that he was wrong about us."

"Oh, I don't plan on making this easy for him either," Anne said candidly, and he smirked at the wicked gleam in her eyes.

He gave her the grin that she knew best from their schooldays and took her hand in his own. "Come on then, future-Mrs-Blythe. Let's go give him hell."