Beth ran as fast as her legs could possibly carry her to the pickup truck, the tears still streaming down her face. It felt like her heart had been, quite literally, punctured. Her father...Maggie...Glenn...Rick...Carl...Daryl...Sasha...all her family and friends now hated her... or thought she was crazy. Thought she had betrayed them. She wrenched open the door and threw the bag containing all of her clothing and a few precious personal possessions inside. But it fell on the floor in her haste, and the letter...the letter that he had written her fell out. Buckling her seatbelt after getting in her seat, she picked it up and re-read it, though she knew it by heart, fresh tears falling, though now for a different reason. Closing her eyes, the need to see him and be near him was even stronger than ever. All she wanted was to be in his arms and have him hold her as she cried, at this moment. She didn't want to make a choice...not at all. But she loved him, and she couldn't bear to be around her family and see the hate in their eyes. It would destroy her. And without him, she was just a dead girl walking and bleeding out. Chancing one last glance at the prison, she blew a kiss, suppressing another sob, and then gunned the engine, the only thing keeping her going the knowledge she would soon be with him.
Six Months Previously
Finally, finally, Beth Greene had her day! She had finally convinced her father, and the group, to go on a supply run…by herself! True, her gunshot skills were terrible, but she had steadily grown better at killing Walkers via knife, though her method was understandably still rather sloppy due to a lack of practice. But she was getting better each and every day.
But with so many people living in the prison, they went through more supplies than ever before, and she was determined to be useful. To be seen as useful. The places she was going to had been already cleared of heavy hordes of Walkers by other members of the prison group, carefully agreed upon by her father and others, and she would only have to worry about strays. But still, it was a much welcomed change for Beth.
She had taken the white pickup, and promised to be back by nightfall.
As she drove, she felt happier than ever before, and couldn't help laughing. Freedom! The sun was hot and a breeze was almost nonexistent, but she didn't care.
The run went surprisingly well. As Walkers came at her, she killed them, and she was able to pick up a lot of sorely needed things.
Buzzing with happiness, on the way back she decided to take a new detour, and soon found herself outside of Woodbury. Turning the engine off, she froze. She hadn't expected to end up here.
Somebody had spray painted "DO NOT ENTER-DANGEROUS" on the former gates. She shivered.
The former town, once so full of glory, was now empty and a far cry from what it had once been. She grew chills just from looking at it, at the horrors that had gone on inside it. She wanted to just drive off. Yet something stopped her.
Beth gulped. She felt an inexplicable pull to simply go inside and look around…maybe other people had found this and decided to call it a sanctuary? Was it still fully inhabitable? Was the inside still maybe full of extra supplies?
She didn't know, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to look, right?
She climbed a nearby tree and was able to successfully hop the wall, but not before clumsily scraping her knee. Thudding to the ground, she had her knife ready.
Looking around, she had to marvel. No Walkers anywhere! This must have been a very nice, beautiful place to live when it was still a town. The former Woodbury residents at the prison now probably hated it in comparison.
She had to admit there probably weren't supplies left as she had hoped. She certainly wasn't going to waste the time going through the whole former town to look…that would take the rest of the day, it was so huge!
Disappointment flooding her, she smiled a little at the sight of pink roses still in bloom. Walking over to the bush, she picked one and smelled it. She had always loved roses back on the farm.
As she looked again at the rose bush, she grew sad thinking of Andrea. They all missed her. She had cried when she had learned she had died.
Shaking the thoughts off, she pocketed the rose and scanned the square more thoroughly, turning around. Her eyes widened a little as there, at a place she had neglected to look, at the far, far end of the square, was a person. A man. He was wearing a black leather jacket, dark pants, and had brown hair. Her blood literally ran cold as she realized he was wearing an eye patch. The Governor.
Hoping she could get out before he saw her, she chanced another look at him, and noticed something odd. He was sitting in the corner, head down. He hardly looked murderous. On the contrary, he looked…he looked rather defenseless.
He didn't even seem to have a knife on him, or a gun.
Odd. Forlorn. Lonely...that was what he looked like. Not dangerous. Not murderous...not...
Shaking her head angrily, she couldn't believe the thoughts that had just gone on inside her head. How could she be so stupid?
Even she, Beth Greene, who saw good in almost everybody, could never find it in her heart to forgive him, or see him as anything other than dangerous and evil. That, she was sure of!
Taking a deep breath, she looked at him again. The longer she stared, the more she felt angry. It was so uncharacteristic of her. Unlike Maggie, she was a very peaceful girl, and could hardly hurt anyone even if she wanted to, or even a fly. But she couldn't seem to help the tide of anger that was rolling through her.
She thought of what he had done to Maggie. She thought of what he had tried to do to Daryl. She thought of what he had done to Andrea. She thought of what he had done to all of them; all of the other innocent people he had killed. Merle...Axel...
She was sorely tempted right now to go and slap him.
Then, without even thinking, she was walking briskly across the square towards him, until she was right in front of him, albeit a few feet away.
"YOU! You horrible, horrible human being! What right do you have to just sit there, like you've done nothing wrong? Answer me!"
His head had snapped up and he was just looking at her, shocked. He seemed entirely lost for words.
Finally seeing him up close, she felt a jolt in her stomach. Even he, the most evil man on this earth, was handsome. The thought made her even angrier.
"Fine! If you won't talk, I will! For the record, you don't know me, but you sure do know my sister! I'm Beth Greene, Maggie Greene's little sister. You know, the girl who you made take off her top when you interrogated her? And you've made our lives at the prison a living nightmare ever since! You've killed so many innocent people...You killed Andrea and Merle, who were such nice people! You're just a monster, and I've never hated anyone in my life until you!"
She stopped, breathing hard, but already she could feel her heart starting to pound in fear, and then her heart began to race. She was so stupid!
He still stared at her, as her words hung between them.
Then, to her disgust and anger, he glanced away from her and smirked a little, bitterly. He laughed, but it was a dark, harsh, humorless laugh.
Looking back at her, his face now serious, he said, "I know I'm a horrible person. I don't need you to tell me that. But did you come here to hurt me? Do something? If so, you have my full permission. In fact, you have my full blessing to put a bullet in my brain right now."
His words washed over her, making her feel sick. He...what? He reached down to his belt and withdrew a silver handgun, holding it out to her. The sunlight glinted off the metal.
The longer she stared, violent butterflies erupted in her stomach at the reality. He...he was giving her permission to kill him...take his life...as if it were nothing.
Face growing paler the longer she stared at the gun, she shook her head no quickly.
"You can. I won't hold it against you. Believe me."
She stopped looking at the gun and looked into his one remaining eye. It was blue. She felt a jolt again at the contact. He was entirely serious, and not joking as she half hoped.
She couldn't understand it. How low must he have been feeling, to be okay with this? How depressed must he have been to be fine with somebody taking his life? It was almost as though he wanted to die...as if he felt he deserved it...But worst of all, the reality was, she suspected, that he truly wanted to die.
Feeling sicker and more upset at the thought, she closed her eyes briefly. She just couldn't stomach it or bear it...the thought of killing him. As much as she hated him, he was still a person, and she couldn't bear to take his life.
Opening them again, he was still staring at her. He put the gun on the ground and gently pushed it over to her feet.
It was then she noticed his right hand, to her horror, was horribly, horribly bruised and bloodied. The knuckles were simply covered in blood...almost as if he had been attacked or shot or something. She knew it wasn't a bite mark, but it was still almost as terrible looking. If he let it go untreated for long, he would certainly lose a lot of blood, or at least gain a terrible infection.
She wondered what it was from. And then she wondered why she cared.
It was just The Governor. Why did she care so much? She wanted to leave, and wished she had never, ever stepped foot inside Woodbury.
But Beth couldn't seem to move. It was like she was frozen in place.
Then, he spoke again, softly. "How did you get in here?"
He wasn't looking at her. He was looking at dark clouds in the distance, slowly moving in.
Clearing her throat nervously, feeling more and more uneasy, she said, "I...I climbed a tree and hopped the wall. I...I was comin' back from a supply run by myself and took a detour. I didn't expect to end up back here. And I...I was just curious to see if there were any more supplies or...or somethin' like that," she finished lamely.
He didn't say anything. Then she was surprised when he looked at her and said, "I was goin' to burn it down. Right before you showed up. I...I don't know…I just…felt like I had to sit and think before doin' it."
He broke off, then, and simply resumed staring at the sky again, but not before glancing at her again. It was a quick glance, yet significant; his eye made contact with both of hers. She felt a jolt at the contact again.
Silence fell, again. She felt awkward. She couldn't even imagine what he felt like…or if he felt like anything at all. What should she say? What should she do? She half wondered if she could just walk away and leave now…she supposed she could. Strangely, she did not feel threatened or scared anymore. She somehow knew he wouldn't harm her or stop her.
Yet she couldn't seem to move again. What was wrong with her?
Finally, she chanced it and spoke again, rather timidly.
"I…wh…what happened to your hand?"
He looked at her. "Nothin'…I…I had killed some Biters earlier this mornin'…ended up punching a tree by accident when I was killin' one of 'em. I…I got pretty vicious."
Stomach curdling, she simply nodded. But then she found herself talking again.
"I…I can bandage that up for you if you like…My…My daddy taught us growin' up how to bandage up wounds. It looks really bad…you could get a really bad infection and lose a lot of blood if…if nothin' is done."
She could barely believe what she had just said. Why was she offering to do that for him? Why? He didn't deserve it…he didn't! She was just too soft and caring for her own good…Maggie was right. But she just hated to see people suffer…she had always been that way growing up…always bringing home sick animals to heal...
He looked at her. "Why…why would you want to do that for me?"
She blushed a little, averting her gaze. "I…I don't know…but you can't let it go untreated. I know you can probably tend to it yourself, but you'd be surprised how much difference a wrap job by somebody who's been trained by a professional can make."
She looked at him, then, and he was still just staring at her, stunned and shocked. It was like his gaze was burning into her. Her heart thumped nervously as she awaited his response.
Or maybe he'd just shoot her right then…she was stupid and naive enough, that would probably happen…
"Al…alright. Thank you."
She nodded, then, and he stood up. She picked up the gun and handed it back to him, rather timidly, making sure their skin didn't touch. She felt like that would be too close for comfort… She could feel him looking at her, and she blushed again.
He led the way into his apartment, and she was stunned at how…nice it looked. How private it was. This was certainly a far cry from the cells at the prison. He had a huge bed…a bathroom…rather spacious living quarters... If this was anything like what the rest of the homes of Woodbury looked like, this place really had been heaven on earth…
Then she felt herself growing sick at the thought. It had been run by a monster…the very same man she had just stupidly volunteered to help…
He disappeared inside the bathroom and came out with gauze, a white washcloth, and alcohol.
"I…you don't need to do this for me…I…I can do it myself."
Feeling a little nauseous, Beth shook her head and said, "N…no. I can do it. It needs to be treated properly."
"I'm so sorry...What's your name again?"
Swallowing hard, she said, "Beth. Beth Greene."
The Governor gently put his hand on her arm and softly said, "Hey. Look at me."
She did, trembling a little. He said, "Thank you Beth," and she nodded.
He sat down in one of the chairs, and she took the other and pulled it up close by him. Her heart was simply racing and pounding loudly with nervousness and fear…she wondered if he could hear it.
Wetting the washcloth with the alcohol, she said, "Th…this'll sting."
She took his hand in both of hers. It was warm, and she was surprised at how rather soft it was. There was a roughness to it, of course, but not as much as she would have anticipated from a man like him.
Slowly and diligently she got all the blood off as best she could, growing a little sick at how dark the washcloth was afterwards. She tore off the gauze and gently yet expertly wrapped his hand. Throughout this she avoided looked at him.
When she was finished, she finally looked at him and she found he had probably been staring at her the whole time. Feeling self-conscious, blushing a little, she said, "Wh…what?"
Then she realized she was still holding his hand.
Dropping it quickly, as though she'd been burned, she blushed even deeper and looked down.
Face still burning, she looked at him again when he spoke.
"You are probably the gentlest girl I've ever met in my life. It…it's strange. I could tell you were tryin' to not cause me pain while you did all that. If any of your family had volunteered to do what you did, it'd only be to amputate my hand, not save it."
Not knowing what to say, she simply nodded.
"Thank you, again. If this world hadn't gone to shit, you would have made a very good nurse."
Blushing a little at the praise, and from him, of all people, she nodded awkwardly again.
"Thank you."
He nodded.
Then she looked at him, nerves erupting in her stomach. Half of her just wanted to run away and never return, she was so terrified of him, but the other half just…wanted to stay to find out. Wanted to know. Wanted to hear him say it. She had heard the stories…all the sins he had committed…but here, now, in the flesh, she found it difficult to believe this man could have done all of that.
Then Beth knew she was crazy for just thinking that last sentence.
"C…can I ask you some things?"
He seemed surprised, but nodded. "Of course."
Biting her lip, she blurted out, "You…I need to hear you say it…all the things you did. How…how can you live with yourself?"
She forced herself to look at him. He stared back at her, and then sighed a little, his eye never leaving hers.
"You are right. I…I have done terrible things. I attacked your prison with the intent to kill all of you…I know I killed some of you the first time. I killed Merle when I found out that he had changed his mind about Michonne. I killed Andrea…I stalked her, first, and then I captured her, right outside the prison. I killed Milton…I beat him up really badly and then made sure when he turned, he'd kill Andrea too. I attacked the prison again with my people…And when I found out my people didn't want to fight anymore, I snapped and shot all of my people besides Martinez and Shumpert."
She felt like she was going to be sick. Most of this was not news to her, horrifying though it was to listen to…but…some of it was…he had killed all his people…What?
Oh god…she was so stupid.
But what struck her most was how he was able to say all of that matter-of-factly…almost as if he were telling her what kinds of music he liked.
Her eyes were wide and her breathing was heavy.
"If it makes any difference…I…I do regret most of it. Andrea…Milton…they…they didn't deserve to die. Nor did my people."
Then she found her voice. "You…you regret most of it? What…what kind of answer is that? And if they didn't deserve it then why did you do it?"
He shrugged, face morose. "I…I just lost it…I…it's…it's just hard to…to put into words."
"And I'm sorry, but…I…most of the people you live with are not good people. Rick…Michonne…Daryl…they are not good people. No matter what you say. They will never cease to be bad people in my eyes. They attacked my town…came into Woodbury and killed innocent civilians when they were tryin' to get your sister and Glenn back. And on top of that, Michonne…Michonne killed my daughter...Killed her right when I was beggin' her not to. I'd have done anything to get her to stop. Even let her kill me…but no…she didn't because she's pure evil. It's clear to me that she is not deserving of anything good in this world. And your…your people…they brought her back and by doin' that, they helped her kill Penny. I will never, ever, forgive that. I can't. You may think I'm heartless and a monster, and I suppose it's true, but…I loved my little girl…more than anything."
She almost didn't know what to say after all of that. His daughter…
She found her voice once more. "I…I know your…your daughter was little, and a…a Walker…but I…I am sorry. You're right. You…you didn't deserve that. I am very, very sorry about your daughter. I truly am."
He stared at her again. "Thank you."
Pausing a little, she said, "But…you…you are wrong. My…my sister is good. My daddy is good. Glenn is good. Rick…Daryl…Carol…they are all good people, give or take."
He shook his head a little. "I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, Beth. All right…not…not all of you are bad. Your father is a good man. I truly mean that, but…I'm sorry but I will never forgive Rick and the others. Especially Michonne. I hope you can understand that."
She nodded.
Silence lapsed again, and Beth still felt sick. Her heart was pounding, but she still found herself thinking about what he had said. He regretted his actions…most of them, anyway. And she knew he had loved his daughter. That much she knew she couldn't doubt. Perhaps he was human after all…but she thought again of his mammoth list of sins and felt sick again for even thinking that.
He was so baffling…
She was startled when he spoke again.
"How old are you?"
"Se…seventeen," she stammered.
Silence again, and then he asked, "DO you have any other family besides your father and sister?"
She paused, staring at him, unable to answer. Shock flooded her…why was he asking?
The familiar sorrow cracked her heart again, and then she only said, "N...no. Everyone else in my family is dead...along with my boyfriend."
And even more sorrow flooded her, just thinking of Jimmy, along with her mother and Shawn. She almost could have cried, if not for her shock.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
She nodded awkwardly.
Averting her eyes, she looked around the room, taking in the surroundings again. But not a moment later, it seemed, her heart stopped, as she suddenly looked up again to see that he was just staring at her...
She could hardly imagine why...but...goodness...what if he was going to rape her...?
She couldn't help blushing as her gaze held his, but all the same, she could feel her head whirring in fear. Deep, pooling dread was slowly sinking through her stomach, and she couldn't help quickly looking at his bed.
Oh please no… Beth's heart was pounding and her stomach was in knots...
Amazingly, he seemed to read her mind. Looking at her, he said, "Don't worry. I'm not goin' to do anything to you."
Relaxing at his words, she shakily nodded. She believed him…oddly enough…
"I'm sorry."
Beth said, "Wh…why?"
"I can tell I'm making you nervous...not that I blame you."
"Oh," she said. "It…it's alright."
Again, that awkward silence.
"Will you be needing any extra supplies for the road?"
Beth looked at him, surprised.
"Ah…n…no…I don't think so, but more food certainly wouldn't hurt."
She was always hungry, as they all were.
But his question surprised her. He…he was offering to give her supplies…and…in turn…the group extra supplies…
He smiled a little, but it was a dim smile. He was even more handsome when he did something so human as smile, oddly enough.
"To answer your question…I was askin' if you specifically needed anythin' extra. Not your group…Clothing…hair brushes…even some extra pillows and clean sheets. Can't be too comfortable sleepin' on a hard cell cot."
Beth nodded her agreement. "No…it's not. But…I…I don't need…you don't have to…"
"Stay here," he said. "I'll be right back."
The wait was about twenty minutes, but when he returned, he had in his arms a bag full of two sets of bedsheets, some clean, new shirts, a pink sweater, and a new hairbrush. He also had six cans of food, bottles of clean water, and even a bottle of feminine-looking (and smelling) body wash.
He grinned a little. "All this feminine stuff ain't mine, believe me…It's all leftovers from when this was still a town. I just went and searched in random apartments…got lucky. Found some clothes I think are your size, and the brush and body wash. And when your…people took all the Woodbury people back to the prison, they probably didn't realize where all the extra food and supplies were still hidden in case Woodbury ever got invaded back then…"
He trailed off. It seemed talking about what was, and what used to be, was harder than even he had realized.
"Anyway, here."
Beth took the bag, surprised at how thoughtful that had been. "Th…thank you," she said.
"You…you didn't have to do that, though."
He shook his head. "I did, though. It's just to say thank you for my hand."
She nodded.
Standing up, Beth slung the bag over her shoulder.
Making her way over to the door, she stood across from him, feeling stranger than ever.
What was there to say?
Her eyes locked with The Governor's one, and then surprise flooded her again, when he said what he did next.
"Beth…thank you. And I…look, I know you must hate me…god...I know you do hate me…but…I am truly, truly sorry about what I did to your sister…she… she really didn't deserve it, lookin' back. And...I may not like your group, or most of it, but I…I actually really do like you. You…you seem different than the rest of them. I can tell you're a good person. You…it must have taken a lot to do what you did today. It amazes me you did that for me. Thank you. And I know just how laughable my apology just probably sounded to you...but I really do mean it. There...there is no excuse for what I did to her. I am not proud of it in the slightest...or anythin' I did...truly...and I know you have every reason to be suspicious but I am very serious..."
He trailed off.
She nodded, shock flooding her. "Th…thank you for apologizin' for what you did," she said sincerely. "And…you're welcome. I…I'm sorry for yellin' at you, it's just…"
He grinned a little. "No, no…it's fine. I…I understand," he said softly.
Looking at him, she felt herself even more stunned by what had happened today. Maybe she didn't know him… maybe they all didn't know him…maybe he was different…
The Governor moved a little closer to her. "Will I be seein' you again? I…I completely understand if ya never want to step foot here again, but…I really have nobody to talk to, obviously, and I…I want to get to know you better. I…It's not a trick or anything…I…I wouldn't harm you."
Beth stared at him, her mind in shock at his question. "I…I don't know," she said honestly.
How did she know if she could trust him? What if he was just using her to get to the prison? How did she know he wasn't going to do anything? She didn't…she couldn't know…
True, the man she had spent time with today was nothing like what she had expected…but then again, how did she know if she could trust him? Trust anything in this world anymore?
Thinking, she bit her lip. She knew she was guaranteed supply runs every week by herself, they were going through supplies so fast…but did she really want to come back here?
At the very least, if he did turn volatile, she could help the prison out by gaining information on him…Not that she would tell them just yet…or ever…
"Where…where are you goin' to stay? I…I thought you wanted to leave here," she said softly. "Aren't you?"
He said, "I…I was. Eventually I…I do want to leave…find a house for myself somewhere, and burn this place down to the ground…but…that won't be for quite awhile. But I…I can survive here. There's still food…supplies…it's safe as can be from Biters…and I can hunt for extra food and go on supply runs as needed for everythin' else," he said.
She nodded. "A…alright. Next week, same day, I'll be here. I can get here once every week, if that's alright."
He nodded.
Beth looked at him again, and smiled a little, however woodenly. His gaze was still burning into hers, and she felt odd…she didn't know what to feel, quite honestly.
Again that feeling of not being able to move...
"And by the way…you don't have to hop the wall…you can go through the back gate. Much easier that way."
She nodded. Slowly, he held the door wider for her.
"Goodbye, Beth."
"Goodbye…sir."
He smiled a little. "You can call me Philip," he said.
Beth nodded. "Till next week," she said, and smiled a little at him again timidly as she slipped past him and finally exited.
It was just sunset now, and she knew she could make it back before nightfall. But none of that registered with her…
What bothered her most was that she had just agreed to see him again…every week…and even more so, was the fact that part of her wanted to go back…spend time with him…
Like it or not, he did intrigue her, and what she couldn't understand was that part of her seemed to think he was a decent person…
As she began the lonely drive back to the prison, she found herself wandering back to their conversation…the time they had spent together…
She almost would welcome his presence with her right now…it almost always spooked her, driving alone around nightfall now.
But goodness…she remembered vividly just how he had been staring at her...and suddenly she blushed...
Then she felt sick for blushing, but couldn't help it. It wasn't a lovestruck blush by any means, though…it…it...just that whole experience had shocked her...more than she ever could have dreamed...
What was he doing to her? Was she crazy? Had she dreamed all of that?
As she got closer and closer to the prison, she took a deep breath and resolved that she wasn't crazy for being intrigued. It was only natural, she supposed…at least she hoped.
But in any case, she could help her family out by going back too… she kept repeating that, over and over…
Even though part of her was saying in her head that maybe he wasn't bad at all…only time would tell though...
Plastering a smile on her face, she pulled up to the prison gates and smiled at Glenn and Daryl as they opened them for her.
She knew she would not tell any of them what had happened…she would not breathe a word of it.
She still felt guilty…but then pushed the guilt down as best she could, ready to forget about it for the rest of the night.
She just hoped she could.