Beth laid on her cot, staring at the ceiling, butterflies swarming in her stomach. Tomorrow, yet again, was her supply run day.
Sighing, she got up, but not before checking on Judith. She couldn't help smiling as Judith's cheek twitched a little in slumber. She lovingly kissed her on the cheek.
Going out into the hallway, Beth began to walk, glad Carol was once again on watch. Anything to get her mind off of tomorrow… It seemed everywhere she went, every single day, no matter what she did, The Governor haunted her thoughts. And she wasn't sure how to react.
Somehow, despite her best efforts, she knew that he more than intrigued her. And, she oddly wanted to get to know him…know more about him…far more than she ever would admit to anyone.
There were times it terrified her.
Much like tonight.
Slowly enjoying the rest of her walk, the darkness and shadows of the prison oddly soothing instead of menacing, she closed her eyes.
The prison faded, and, unbidden, the memory of their last parting appeared. She was standing in brightness and warmth, outside, and he was before her. His hand was on her arm…all at once warm and oddly gentle…
"Take it easy the next few days…"
Her eyes snapped open.
Breathing in deep, more butterflies attacking her, she reached for her locket, holding it in her hand. She wished, more than anything, that her mother was here.
He baffled her so much, and yet, despite everything, oddly…she almost cared about him…
"Oh Momma…what would you do if you were me?"
She continued to hold the locket, and the showers faded away, her reflection fading from the mirror, his face appearing again, his blue eye full of concern for her as she sat across the table from him.
Try though in vain she did to fight it, she did feel sympathy for him…did feel that there was more to him than his previous actions, horrible though they were, suggested…and did feel that perhaps there was hope for him…Did sense that he was good…
Yet she couldn't help always feeling guilty and insane for thinking so.
There wasn't any harm in thinking this way about him…was there?
She bit her lip. She still didn't know, and though she knew in her heart there shouldn't be, she still knew it would be more than disastrous if the others ever found out she did.
The next afternoon, once again, found her at his door. Biting her lip, she knocked.
Again, the wait…and again, like usual, the butterflies that always seemed to fly into and positively swarm in her stomach…
Grabbing ahold of her locket, the cool metal soothing her, she waited, looking around.
The sun's rays were touching everything, the sight of the abandoned town oddly beautiful.
Suddenly, she jumped a little as the door opened. Turning back around, she looked at him and the expression on his face was honestly one still of concern, and a little confusion…
Yet, at the sight of him, Beth was unprepared for the sudden blush that overtook her.
All of a sudden, the memories of their previous meeting came rushing back…the feel of his hand as he had felt if she had a fever…the warmth of him on her arm as he had bidden her farewell for the week…how concerned he had been for her…
Did he still smell like ivory?
Her blush deepening, she shook herself.
She spoke first. "H…Hi again," she said. "H…how've you been?" Inwardly she cursed herself for stammering so much.
He spoke too, and much softer than she would have thought. "Hi. I didn't know if I should expect you this week…are you feelin' okay from last week?"
Her eyes met his one, the blue orb fixed on her, full of something…something she couldn't place…
She nodded, smiling brightly, shaking herself. "Yes. I am. Thank you."
He nodded shortly. "I'm glad. I was worried about you."
The smile faded from her face, and still, her eyes were locked with his one.
Her heart skipped a little at his response in nervousness.
He truly wasn't a monster…
Looking at him more thoroughly, though she would die of embarrassment before ever admitting it out loud, it hit her again just how truly handsome he honestly was… She had always thought so, true…ever since their first meeting…but somehow, at this moment, it was almost humiliating to acknowledge. Her blush returned, even more profusely.
His brown hair was slightly messy, his eye patch in place as always, and he was wearing a white long-sleeve shirt, the sleeves rolled up just so, and tan pants. She also couldn't help but notice how slender and tall he was…
Blush growing, clearing her throat, she finally spoke. "Thank you. That…that means a lot. And…thank you for…for what you did for me last week. It was very nice."
He slowly shook his head. "I didn't do anything worthwhile for you, Beth. You shouldn't thank me."
Now Beth shook her head, his words sinking deep within her. "No…you did. Really. Thank you."
For a few moments, they just stood, looking at each other, and oddly, for some reason, Beth almost felt dizzy…the heat mixing with now nervous she felt… and then he cleared his throat.
"Well…I'm sorry. Come in. Please."
Smiling tightlipped at him, she did so, feeling her heart begin to pound.
She heard the door close. Shakily, she sat, just thankful she had not fainted.
Again, she heard the door close, and then he was walking past her. And, again, the scent of ivory soap filled the air.
Finally, he too sat down across from her, but not before handing her a bottle of water.
She smiled, trying to calm herself. "Thank you."
He smiled gently. "You don't need to thank me. All I did was give you a bottle of water."
She shrugged slightly. "Well, it's always the thought that counts," she said primly.
He laughed a little.
A few moments of silence, and then he spoke again. "So…how was your week?"
Unable to stop herself from smiling as she remembered how wonderful her birthday had been, she laughed a little, clutching her locket. "It was wonderful. As of last week, I am now an official adult."
Beth looked down at the locket, smile growing.
When she looked up, he was smiling gently at her. "Well Happy Birthday. Eighteen is a good age. I hope you had a wonderful day."
Beth nodded. "Oh, I did. It was so sweet…the others made an actual Twinkie cake for me, and my daddy gave me my momma's old locket. It's the best present I could ever have hoped for," she said softly.
She looked at him again and he said, softly, "Well I'm glad. You deserve it, Beth."
Staring at him, suddenly she wanted to look away. Slightly flustered, she smoothed back her hair and cleared her throat. "Well…how was your week?"
He leaned back a little. "Well, mine sure wasn't as good as yours…I didn't get a Twinkie cake or anythin'… but it was alright. Very quiet."
She couldn't help but smile a little at his attempt at a joke. "Well I'm glad," she said softly, almost whispering at the end. He smiled a little.
Still, as always, her heart pounded, with nerves and anxiety and, as always, she couldn't understand the reason why.
Speak, Beth…just say something…
Shaking herself, Beth finally did speak. "So…um…last time we…we didn't really get a chance to finish our conversation," she said, feeling stupider than ever.
Not even attempting to look at him again, for if she did she would surely blush, she cleared her throat and continued.
"I…well…I know you worked at an insurance company, but…what else is there to know about you?"
The words hung in the air, and finally, Beth stole a single glance at him. The Governor looked shocked that she was even asking.
After a few moments, he shrugged, tousling his hair. "Well, what would you like to know? Believe me…I'm not a very interestin' person."
In spite of herself, Beth smiled a little. "That's just what a man would say when he has a very high opinion of himself," she said, and to her relief, he smiled at her own attempt at humor.
Laughing a little, he spoke. "Well…I could say I am God's gift to women but then I'd be statin' the obvious," he said, and Beth bit her lip to keep from smiling.
Inhaling, he spoke. "Well…I've lived in Georgia my whole life…I'm forty-two…I had an older brother, Brian, but he…he died when he was twenty and I was eighteen…he had a real bad asthma attack…by the time the paramedics got there there was nothin' that could be done. He was my best friend," he said softly.
Beth stared at him, the words hitting her. "I'm so sorry," she said, and he shook his head.
"Don't be. It's not your fault," he said softly.
Silence again, and she almost regretted asking…
Then The Governor looked at her again. "God…he was just like me. Active…involved in sports…healthy…we never thought that he would die so young. And from asthma, of all things. One of the worst days of my life when he died."
She bit her lip in sympathy, guilt flooding her. "I'm sorry," she said again.
He shook his head. "You shouldn't be. You didn't force me to mention him," he said.
After a few moments, he spoke again, clearing his throat. "Well…my mother was the best mother in the world, and I loved her more than anythin'…my daddy, though, I despised. He was…not a kind man, to say the least. He was always layin' into my brother and me from the moment we could walk…can't tell you how many black eyes and fractures I got from that man. Not that I was always an angel, though…but god I hated that bastard. Excuse my language," he said.
Beth shook her head. "It's fine," she said.
Looking her in the eyes again, The Governor continued.
"I finally snapped one day and beat him when I was twenty. Brian and I had always known even when we were little that he was cheatin' on my mother with various women…she knew it too, and it broke her heart. He beat her too, on occasion. But finally, one day…I came home to visit from college…only reason I came around was because of her, and because it would mean so much to her if I did…I arrived a day earlier than expected one night. I pulled into the driveway, and I heard yellin.' So I went into the house, and he was literally strangling her…she had two black eyes and was cryin' her eyes out. I lost it. And it felt so damn good to finally beat him up. I damn near killed him. I may have gotten a black eye and my jaw dislocated in the process but it was worth it. Long story short…he called the police. Filed a restrainin' order…lost contact."
Beth's eyes were wide. "But…goodness…if your mother was beat too, and you…then how could he get away with it?"
The Governor shrugged. "Mighty convenient bein' a cop yourself."
She stared, shock and even more sympathy hitting her. "Goodness…I'm so sorry," she whispered.
All she could think of was Hershel, and how loving and kind he had always been towards her…towards all of his children…and both of his wives…
The Governor looked at her again. "You know, the only thing I regret about that day is not stoppin' for my mother. The whole time I was beatin' him up she was yellin' for me to stop. I felt terrible for that."
Still, Beth couldn't bring herself to speak.
Then he continued. "Her funeral was awful too…but at least I got to say goodbye, when the end finally came…She…she died when I was thirty-two. Cancer… After she was gone, I never went near my father ever again."
He paused, and then cleared his throat. "But you know, growin' up, I made a vow…that someday, when I was married, and had kids of my own, I would never, ever treat my wife like he treated my mother…and never, ever hit my kids, no matter how angry I got with them. I…it makes me sick to my stomach to ever imagine myself hittin' Penny, or abusin' my wife. It just ain't right. And I'm happy to say that I never, ever broke that vow, or even thought about it. I always got so pissed off hearin' about stories where parents abused their children on the news every night, or stories where molestation occurred…come to think of it this world was always fucked up, even before this happened."
Beth could only nod.
Then The Governor spoke again, shifting a little. "So…now that you know all about my happy family growin' up, what else would you like to know? And god…I'm sorry for rantin' about all of that, it's just…"
Beth softly smiled. "It's…it's alright."
Returning the smile, he surprised her when he said what he did next. "Actually, what about you? What did you do before all of this?"
Shock flooding her, she stammered, caught off-guard. "I…I don't know. I…I hung out with my friends…went to school…went to church…hung out with my family…there's nothin' that excitin' about me."
Laughing a little, he softly said, "Somehow I don't believe that."
Her heart skipped a beat in nervousness. "Where'd you work, if you did?"
Flushing a little, Beth spoke. "Well…I did help out in my daddy's veterinarian practice from time to time…but I…I was a candy striper at the local hospital durin' breaks from school. I…I know it must sound incredibly lame, but I really did enjoy it. I always did like takin' care of people and helpin' them feel better. Sometimes I'd sing to them…it was always nice."
"That's not lame at all," he said.
Looking at him again, somehow Beth found herself wanting to volunteer more information. "But it always was sorta embarrassin' goin' to see some of the male patients…especially the attractive ones. They...they would always tease me and request baths…I know they were just jokin' but I always was bright red goin' in there."
The Governor laughed. "I can see that."
She smiled too, just thinking about the memories.
"And then my real job that I got paid for was I worked at a nursin' home. I always did like it there."
Smiling a little, The Governor said, "My first job was horrible, and definitely not as meaningful as yours was…I worked at the local burger joint, when I was fifteen. Nastiest place ever to work, especially when you had to clean the bathrooms. And while the food was good, I know full well some of my coworkers didn't even bother to wash after usin' the bathroom, which made you not want to order anythin' ever. And the managers were awful, as well as the customers. But I sure did like my college job though."
Interest piqued, she said, "And what was that?"
He grinned a little, leaning back in his chair. " A manager at a laser tag arena, believe it or not. The pay was actually really good, and my buddies and me would always go there from time to time because I could get us discounts. And it didn't hurt that very attractive college girls our age would always go there too."
Beth couldn't help smiling a little. "That does sound interestin' and I'm sure you enjoyed that."
He laughed. "Oh we did, believe me."
Suddenly he spoke again, smiling, the look in his eye far-off.
"I met my wife my senior year of college, in my economics class. I just noticed her the first day because she was just so beautiful. We became friends right away, and I really wanted to ask her out, but unfortunately she was already datin' some other guy, who ended up cheatin' on her in the end…biggest idiot I'd ever met. Thankfully, in the end, when they were broken up and when I finally did, she said yes right away. God…she was the nicest, prettiest, funniest, most intelligent and outgoin' girl I'd ever had the pleasure of goin' out with…and she was a lot of fun too. We had a lot in common, too…and god, I already knew by the end of our first date I was in love with her. Ad by the time we graduated I knew I wanted to ask her to marry me some day."
Beth couldn't help but be touched by his story.
"That's…that's beautiful," she said.
"She was, especially on the day of our wedding," he said softly, and then there was silence. "One of the happiest days of my life, aside from when Penny was born."
The happy gleam in his eye gradually dulled.
Staring at him, she couldn't help but feel her earlier misgivings about spending time with him evaporate a little more…It was so clear, so plain. He truly was human through and through…just like everyone else…And the pain in his eye as he talked about the two women he had loved most, and lost, was abundantly clear…
Suddenly he seemed to come out of his trance, and spoke again, clearing his throat.
"Anyway…what did you like to do for fun, before all this?"
Beth stared, honestly not even sure, it had been so long since the world had experienced normalcy.
Clearing her throat, she shrugged. "Well…I loved hangin' out with my family, and friends, and Jimmy…he was my first real boyfriend…. and well, I always did love singin'…I sang in church, but mostly I just sang everywhere I could. And I always did love ridin' horses, and ice skatin' and readin' and writin' and I don't know…just normal stuff I guess. Goin' to see movies…shoppin' with my mother and Maggie…it just all seems so long ago now."
He nodded, agreeing. "I always was big into sports myself, but I really liked to swim for fun…and baseball and basketball were big ones for me. I also always liked readin' and watchin' tv and movies…and I always did love hangin' with my buddies and of course, drinkin' on occasion," he said, grinning a little.
And then he spoke again. "And I don't know about you, but I've always been sort of a daredevil…I loved goin' to amusement parks. Roller coasters. That sort of thing. Ridin' in the front with no hands…I do miss that."
Beth smiled.
"What about you? Did you like goin' there with your friends?"
Beth nodded. "Yes. But I was always the kind of person that rides a roller coaster, has fun, but closes their eyes the whole time and thinks they're goin' to die."
The Governor laughed again, and somehow, it sent a jolt through her.
Feeling disarmed, she could barely focus on anything else but the feeling in her stomach as he continued.
"Roller bladin' was always fun I guess… and runnin'…and I always did love scary movies. Halloween was always my favorite holiday," he said.
She nodded, smiling a little, shaking her head a little to try and clear her stomach. "I always loved Christmas."
Then Beth spoke again, feeling the jolt return as her eyes met his one. "We had a karaoke machine, and I used to drive Maggie crazy singin' at like noon on weekends when she was still tryin' to sleep after a late night out," she said.
He softly smiled. "That would do it."
"I also one time actually won a singin' competition at the county fair…I didn't expect it at all. I just entered to have fun…and I still remember the applause. I actually felt important, for once. Successful," she said, feeling awkward as it sunk in that she had never told anybody half of these things before…
Why was it so easy with him?
His gaze held hers, and still her heart pounded. "I don't even know your family, but I'm sure they always thought you were," he said softly.
Again, she could feel a blush coming on, but this time, thankfully only a light one.
Finally, he spoke again. "But probably my favorite thing to do was just…spend time with my wife and Penny. You…you really miss that, more than anythin' these days," he said.
She nodded, more twinges of sorrow flooding her. "Yes, you do," she said softly, thinking of Shawn, and her mother, and Jimmy.
She had never even gotten to tell Jimmy that she loved him…
Shaking herself slightly, she resolved that at least Jimmy must know how she felt now, in heaven. And she took comfort in the fact that he was in a better place now. They may have only dated for three months, but still, she had loved him.
The Governor cleared his throat a little. "I'm sorry, but it's sunset now. You'd better be gettin' back."
"Oh," she said, gasping a little. To her shock, the time had flown by and she still could hardly believe how she had barely even noticed, she had been so engrossed with their conversation…
Standing up, again feeling flustered, Beth waited while he opened the door and walked her out to the gate. The air was still humid, and the sky was already turning pink with the dying daylight and encroaching darkness.
He opened the gate, and again, turned to her. Her heart pounded its usual rhythm at just how close their proximity was…though she knew, by now, that he would not harm her…
Smiling gently, he said, "Happy Belated Birthday again, Beth. And see you next week."
Nodding sharply, she said, "Thank you. And I will."
Slowly, she walked to the truck, and, the entire ride back to the prison, she could barely concentrate on little else, her mind still drifting back to their conversation.
Like it or not, what she had learned about him had truly been fascinating…and there was still so much she didn't know…
Lying in bed that night, she sighed, unable to sleep. Their conversation continued to play into her thoughts.
Getting up, she looked outside the window. Was he still awake now?
She didn't know, and somehow, the thought of next week filled her not with dread, but with something else entirely. She just was unsure what.