Hey I'm sorry guys! I started this way back in July but I've just been on a lot of vacations with friends and everything, but finally I have time to write again. I hope you enjoy!
AND if any of you want MORE Beth/Governor, because I'm a delusional weirdo who loves them, lol, I recently wrote a oneshot about them called Moonlight Visits, unrelated to this story. The link is on my profile if interested. Anyway I hope you enjoy!
Also, the song lyrics I chose for this song come from an amazing song. I'd recommend a listen! :) I hope it won't get obnoxious but this story will have LOT of song lyrics, haha. :)
There's something in the look you give
I can't help myself I fall, I can't help myself at all
I scream god forgive me please because I want you on your knees
But I don't wanna think about it now
I know I won't get out if I fall in
So I don't want to think about it now
It's dark in my imagination, it's dark in my imagination
Can't help but wonder where you've been all day
Just say when I'm so far away
That you give yourself a taste
Cause I don't want to think about it now
I know I won't get out if I fall in
So I don't want to think about it now
It's dark in my imagination, it's dark in my imagination
dark in my imagination, dark in my imagination
I don't want to think about it now
Is it all in my head? Are you somewhere waiting for me?
I don't want to think about it now
Is there something unsaid? Are there secrets that you keep?
But I don't want to think about it now x3
It's dark in my imagination x 11
I don't want to think about it now x 11
IT'S DARK IN MY IMAGINATION
Song: Dark in My Imagination by Of Verona
Beth kissed Judith, unable to help a sigh as she giggled a little.
"You're so adorable, baby girl," she crooned. "I could just eat you up! But I'm sorry, you gotta go to sleep now; your daddy is goin' to want to spend time with you later tonight, and you can't sleep then!"
Judith simply burped a little, and Beth laughed again, tickling her stomach, kissing her on the cheek. Gently, she laid her down, and simply began humming to her, and soon enough, the baby was asleep.
She heard a throat clear and she jumped, but, upon turning around, she warmly smiled. It was none other than Patrick, and he was nervously shuffling his feet a little.
Beth's smile grew. Out of all the former Woodbury residents…well, namely the guys around her own age, he and Zach were definitely the most decent, and she adored both of them. Patrick was such a sweet guy, and she considered him a much-valued friend, just as she did Zach.
"Patrick! Hey," she said, going over and squeezing his arm. He reddened slightly, but cleared his throat, adjusting his glasses.
"Hey, Beth," he said, smiling as well. "I…I hate to bother you…and I wasn't stalking you, I promise…"
She laughed. He continued… "But…um…since everyone else is pretty much gone on that run, would you…would you wanna just…go and talk?"
Beth nodded happily. "Sure! I'll just have Sasha watch the baby for awhile in case she wakes up; I know how much she loves her. And as much as I love her, I need a break," she said, laughing a little.
Patrick laughed a little, too.
Soon enough, the both of them were outside, the sun masked by gray clouds, and sitting at the red wooden picnic table, far away from the fences.
"I can't wait to plant those vegetables with Rick tomorrow," Patrick said, smiling, and Beth nodded, laughing in agreement.
"It sure is fun when we're all out there, and Judith is with us, and Rick lets me, of all people, wear his hat," she said, unable to stop the smiles as she remembered how oddly fun it always was…their little group always did this lately, laughing and joking as they all planted.
Patrick laughed again, loudly. "Yeah. Rick is so nice," he said. "It's not often that a grown man doesn't make fun of an eighteen-year old playing with Legos and model trains and stuff like I still do!"
Beth smiled, turning more towards him. "That's not a bad thing, Patrick. I read picture books sometimes from my childhood when I was still fourteen. You're never too old for that stuff."
Patrick shrugged, grinning sheepishly, looking downwards at his feet before looking back at her. "My older brothers always made fun of me for it, before this. They still do, honestly… I guess I'm just used to that."
Beth winked. "Well your older brothers are mean…but you didn't hear it from me," she said mock-conspiratorially, and Patrick reddened again slightly, for some reason she couldn't put her finger on.
Shuffling his feet, he said, "So…um…how are you today? I mean…have you feeling been…I mean…been feeling fine?" he asked, flushing even more at his fumbling of words.
Beth said. "Yes have I," she said, joking, and he smiled a little. "You?"
He nodded. "Yeah…yeah."
Silence hit again, and a breeze hit, rather warm.
"I don't know…it's just so weird now. The world…life…I never thought this could happen. And I was a big science-fiction fan before all this," he said, and Beth laughed a little again.
Beth nodded, growing solemn. "I know. It's truly somethin' out of a nightmare."
Patrick nodded. And, then, Beth was surprised when he spoke again, his words producing a vivid, sharp, pronounced jolt within her stomach.
"I don't know…it's just…sort of strange, being here after having been in Woodbury for so long. I mean, I love the prison, too, but…Woodbury was nice, too. Very nice, in fact. And…god. I'm going to sound like I need my head examined…but…and my brothers would punch me if they heard me saying this…and I know I sound crazy…in fact, I probably am…but…I mean…I know what he did. The Governor. And I know it was so awful and so twisted and…and just awful," he said softly, repeating himself.
Beth's heart was literally pounding and her stomach was in knots, as she too thought of The Governor…his smile…the feel of his hands…and she felt weak in the knees…thank goodness they were sitting down…
Shaking herself, she forced herself to continue listening, intent on what Patrick was trying to say.
He continued. "But…I don't know. I…I just…maybe it was all an act, or…or…I don't know…but…I…I still can't believe he did all of that. Really did all of that."
Beth forced herself to nod woodenly, heart still nervously racing.
Turning towards her, he said, gesturing with his hands, "Granted…this only happened once…but…but…I remember this one day. It was around eleven at night, and I…I was just really depressed. The…the girl I liked at the time had turned me down, and I…she was so mean about it, too. And I had just seen her kissing another guy earlier, and I was even more depressed because my brothers weren't giving me an easy time about it, and I felt even worse about myself than usual. And I've always gotten really bad nosebleeds, ever since I was little…well…I got one that night. I was just walking around by myself, holding my handkerchief up to my nose, and I…I literally ran into him. I was so shocked and a little scared…there was nobody else around, and I'd always been bullied at school…I thought maybe he'd be like them," he said, smiling a little.
Beth furrowed her eyebrows, feeling intense waves of sympathy for Patrick, regardless of her inner turmoil.
He continued, and she was ever more interested…
"I…I jumped. And he…he didn't get mad or anything. He…he just asked if I was alright, because he obviously saw the blood, and then he…he invited me into his room. I…I ended up telling him what was bothering me. And he…he was actually really, really nice about it…he gave me advice…heck, he even gave me a beer," he said, laughing a little.
"My very first! He told me not to tell my mother…not that I would have…but…and then when I left, he just clapped me on the shoulder and told me to take care of myself. I…I always remember that."
Unable to help herself, undeniably curious, he continued, answering her questions.
"It…it was…well…after he…he lost his eye," he said. "And he had the eye-patch, and…honestly, he looked kind of scary at first. Just…the black coat…and he…he wasn't unkind, it's just…he didn't smile at all. He was just…really quiet when he spoke and I…I honestly get the feeling he wasn't feeling great either…but…like I said. He was…really, really nice, actually. It…It helped me a lot."
Beth was unable to speak at first, unable to stop thinking of all he had just said. But Patrick continued, and she shook herself, breaking the trance.
"I don't know…just…just for that reason, I…I have trouble reconciling what he did with the man I…I spent time with that night. You know?"
Beth nodded, again thinking of him…
And goodness…oh, how similar she and Patrick's situations were…and, god…If ever there were one person who could honestly understand her and that she could relate to on this…it would certainly be Patrick, after hearing that. And…
Goodness…butterflies hitting again…how tempting it was to just spill out everything in one long, embarrassing, guilty rush…and how relieving it would be to hear that no, she wasn't crazy…there wasn't something wrong with her…
It was so…so tempting…and she was dying to…to be told she shouldn't feel so conflicted about what she felt about him…but Beth simply took a deep breath and exhaled, knowing no good would possibly come from that.
He spoke again. "I don't know…Beth? Does…does that make me crazy? Am I…am I a horrible person for thinking that?"
Beth simply looked at him, and then weakly smiled a little, growing serious again.
"Honestly, Patrick…no. It…it doesn't. Be…believe me. I…I can relate to that. Much…much more than you could possibly imagine."
Silence fell again, and Beth simply focused her attention on a dead dandelion on the ground.
But then he spoke again, and she was so shocked by his next words, she completely, for one moment, was able to forget her nervousness and embarrassment of earlier.
Softly, Patrick spoke, beginning to turn red again, and she looked at him.
He cleared his throat. "B…Beth?" he asked. "I…god…look…I…I know how awful this is going to sound and I…look, I…I know Zach likes you… a lot…and that you…you obviously must like him…but…I…I just can't help it anymore. I…I have feelings for you. In fact I…I…honestly, I love you," he said, rubbing the back of his neck in nervousness, fiddling with his glasses again, unable to look at her.
And Beth was so shocked, and yet, so touched, that she couldn't do anything but stare…
Patrick looked up again and continued. "I…it's honestly not only that you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life, but…you're…you're just perfect. You're…you're so smart. So sweet and kind…especially to a dork like me…and you have the voice of an angel," he said, flushing.
His sweetness touched deep within Beth, as well as unimaginable sorrow, as she knew just where this was headed…and she so didn't want to hurt Patrick…
"Anyway, I…you're…you're just perfect," he said. "In every way. And I…I know you couldn't possibly feel anything for me, but…I…well…is there a chance you…you could?" he whispered.
He was looking at her, so imploring and vulnerable and hopeful in that moment, and Beth bit her lip, complete pity on her face, near tears.
"Oh…oh," she said softly, unable to think straight. "Patrick…oh god…that's…that's honestly the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my life, and I…oh gosh…I love you so much…but…I'm sorry. So sorry. I…oh gosh, I'm a horrible, horrible person, but…I'm so sorry…no," she whispered. "No. I…I'm sorry, but I…I only like you as a friend. I'm so sorry."
Her stomach plummeted even more at the sorrow on his face, and he looked down, unable to meet her eyes. More sorrow touched Beth.
She leaned over and touched his arm.
"Patrick, please, look at me. Please. I…it's not you. Honestly, you're a fantastic guy, and one of my best friends…and so sweet and smart and handsome…but I…I…I really just don't see you in that way. And I wish, for your sake, that I did…but…please. I still love you, and want to be your friend. And I'm the worst person in the world for hurtin' you…I really am…"
Patrick looked up, and he smiled a little, though his sorrow was still evident.
"No, you're not. You're…you're just Beth. The girl I love. I could never want to stop being friends with you…no matter how much it hurts."
Beth smiled a little too, heartened that he was at least smiling. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, and his smile grew a little more.
Laughing, she said, "Hey. One of these days, you are going to meet the most beautiful girl, and she's goin' to love you like you love her. And you'll…you'll have children together someday, and always have each other. And you'll forget all about borin' old me," she said.
Patrick laughed a little, looking down.
"Doubtful about that. It's just…I've never felt this strongly about a girl before, and I…you…you're different than other girls. You're not vain, or mean or superficial. You…you actually care about people, and make them feel…feel like they're worth something. Feel better about themselves, when they only think the worst. And I…you've always given me the time of day, and I just…feel so comfortable around you. I…I just can't help it. But…I should have known. I wouldn't have expected a girl like you to fall in love with a lame nerd like me," he said, looking down, and Beth's heart plummeted again for him.
"Hey," she said softly. "Patrick, you are not lame, or a nerd. Or a lame nerd," she said, hoping he would appreciate her gentle attempt at humor. Thankfully, he smiled.
Growing serious again, she said, "Honestly, you are a fantastic guy, one of the best I know, and any girl would be lucky to have you. And one day, you'll find that. I promise."
Patrick smiled a little at her words, and Beth was gladdened at the sight. He spoke again, laughing a little.
"Yeah. Girls here sure flock to me," he said, only a little self-deprecatingly. "They even prefer me to Zach, if you can believe that!"
Beth laughed a little. She bumped his shoulder. "I don't know…I think Mika would be willin' to be your girlfriend," she said, lightly teasing, and Patrick laughed.
Silence passed again, and then he spoke. "Well…I should have known. I mean, it's pretty obvious you like Zach…"
Beth laughed a little, shocked. "What? Oh…goodness…I…I don't like him either. At least…not in that way."
Patrick's eyes widened. "Really? Wow…all the girls like him…"
Beth smiled. "Well I'm not them."
Patrick laughed a little. "Very true. But…oh…I…I get it. You…you probably like somebody…somebody older. Somebody cool. Like Rick or Daryl."
And here Beth lost it, unable to help herself. "Oh, Patrick. I don't like them either!"
And Patrick smiled, laughing a little too. "Well gosh, I'm stumped on who the lucky guy must be then!"
Beth grew serious again, feeling flutters again as she thought of him…his face flashed before her eyes…and the scent of ivory filled the air…
She felt herself blush. Patrick noticed, and he grew concerned.
"Are…are you alright, Beth? Gosh, I…I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me who the guy is…I wasn't ever going to make you, if you're not comfortable…god, I'm such a screw up," he said quietly, looking at the ground.
She grabbed his hand, unable to look at him, the butterflies were still so acute. "No…no you're not, Patrick."
Silence hit again, and he spoke again. "But gee…I…I wish only the best for you and him, Beth. Really. It's obvious you must like him very much."
Beth blinked. Breathing in hard, she said, "I…I…I wouldn't say I…I like him…but I…as much as I try to fight it…as…as alarmin' and embarrassin' as it is…and as much as it scares me…terrifies me… I…I honestly think I do feel somethin' for him…somethin' I…I can't deny…and I know I…I do…I mean…I am attracted to him. Definitely. But…whether it's more than that…"
She trailed off, knowing just how the words, even to her own ears, sounded like lies…And now the butterflies were absolutely attacking her insides…
Again, she imagined The Governor getting hurt while on runs, and the very same panic ran through her stomach, like violent rivulets of blood…and true, there was never a day that went by that she did not think of him…nor a lonely night…but…she couldn't possibly have feelings for him…be developing them…could she…?
But, the very sad, real truth was, that she knew that it was a very real, real possibility. And she didn't know how to feel about that…
She was pulled from her worries and turmoil momentarily by Patrick, who squeezed her hand.
"Hey, Beth. It…whoever he is, it'll…it'll work out. You'll see."
She whispered, "Oh Patrick…somehow I doubt that…"
But she forced herself to smile. And then, Patrick got up, and his face was so full of sadness and heartbreak again as he took her in one last time that she again felt her heart plummet.
"Well…see you around, Beth. We…we should hang out again like this again soon. And don't worry. I'm not mad or upset at you…I'm just sad. But it's not your fault…nothing could ever be your fault. It…it never could be."
Beth frowned again, still heartbroken for him. "Oh. We definitely will."
And here Patrick smiled again, and then, his smile vanished, as he took her in for one last, stolen moment, the sadness on his expression acute, and then, finally, he sadly waved and headed back up the hill.
Beth simply watched him go, still full of pity and guilt and hurt for him and yet…still so very, very haunted.
The Walker's face appeared again. "You can't deny it!"
Later that evening, at supper, she noticed Zach kept looking at her, from across the way, and she politely smiled.
Honestly, she was so frazzled and upset still…and in such a guilty, quiet mood from having to break Patrick's heart…she wasn't in the mood for company.
But after dinner, he came up to her, asking if she would go for a walk, and she obliged him.
Slowly they strolled, down by the gate, and it was again cold, as always. She shivered a little.
"You want my jacket?" Zach asked, and Beth couldn't help but smile.
"I'm good, Zach, but thank you," she said. "You sure know how to make a girl feel important."
And he laughed. But then, rather boldly, he spoke again. He was so different than Patrick…so suave and confident and assured…but still undeniably nice.
"Honestly, you're the only girl I want to make feel important, Beth," he said huskily, and she closed her eyes again, in dread for having to break yet another heart that day.
Quickly, he continued, and she only listened.
"I…look…I can't deny that I have feelings for you, and I hope you feel the same, Beth. I…You're so beautiful, but you're…you're so alive, too, and I can't help but think there's more to you than meets the eye. You're so sweet and innocent, and I can't deny that I love that about you, but…it honestly makes me wonder what else is inside you, just waiting to be brought out by the right guy. And I want to be that guy."
He turned to her. "You're interesting, and you can hold a conversation well, and you're so smart. And you captivate me. And I…I can't deny that I do want you. A lot," he said, voice growing low again, as he smoothed a piece of her hair back as they stood in a bright patch of moonlight.
Beth smiled, touched by his words; yet she moved back, just a little, to put just a little distance between them.
Biting her lip, closing her eyes, she said, "Oh goodness Zach…god. I'm so sorry, and I…I know I'm the most horrible girl ever…but…I'm so sorry. I just don't feel the same. I…I just view you as a friend….And I know…I know I always will. I'm sorry."
She looked at him, and as before with Patrick, she could see the hurt and disappointment on his face. But, to his credit, he looked down, and laughed a little, shuffling his feet.
"Well then. This is just awkward."
Beth smiled a little, and thankfully he did too, looking at her.
Growing serious, he said, "Oh god…Beth, don't blame yourself. Just…just don't. It's honestly just cute."
Beth bit her lip. Zach continued, and he came up close to her. He put his hand on her arm.
"Hey. As much…as much as it hurts, we're…we're ok. We're still friends. I honestly mean that. Nothing's changed. And…don't…don't worry. You didn't do anything wrong."
Beth put her own hand on his arm. "Oh god Zach…thank goodness. I…I didn't want to lose you, or, or hurt you…"
Zach gently put his hand over her mouth. "Beth. It's ok," he said, smiling gently, removing his hand, and Beth smiled a little, looking down.
She could still see the hurt on his face, but he masked it well. They resumed walking.
"So…who's the lucky guy then who's stolen the heart of Beth Greene? Do tell. I am nothing but intrigued."
Beth laughed a little nervously, unable to stop yet more attacks of butterflies and a blush as she, again, thought of him…
"N…he's nobody," she said, but then cursed herself for her answer, blushing even deeper.
Zach laughed. "Oh c'mon. What? Is he 6' 4"… mysterious…an older man, I'll bet… probably a little flawed… but still kind…and oh…I'll bet he's just so handsome," he said, exaggerating his voice to sound falsetto.
Beth's face was burning, and again, she could feel his warmth…so close to her they could touch…
Zach grinned. "Oh ho. I think she's blushing over there in the dark." He gently nudged her.
Beth forced herself to snort, shaking herself. "I…I am not."
Zach laughed again. "You're a terrible liar, Greene. And oh…of course…we must not forget… he probably has chest hair."
Beth's face flamed even more, as the image of The Governor shirtless flashed before her mind…
And…it was almost awful just how cruelly close Zach was to the truth…it honestly would have been funny if not so alarming…
She still couldn't speak, and Zach smiled. "I'm sorry, Beth. I'm only kidding. But honestly. Whoever the guy is, you should go for it. It'll work out. He's probably been driven crazy already by you."
The sweetness of his words touched Beth. Shakily she smiled, forcing herself to laugh.
"Th…thanks, Zach."
And he smiled one last time."Have a good night, Beth. I'll see you tomorrow. And again…we…we're ok."
Beth nodded, feeling the butterflies residing. "Good. I'm glad, Zach."
Zach still smiled at her, before leaning forward and gently kissing her cheek. And then, he finally turned and headed back up into the prison, but not before turning back to her.
He winked. "And hey…whoever he is…you should definitely…you know. Trust me. He's probably thought of that a thousand times already by now."
Again, Beth's face flamed, and her mouth dropped open. Zach grinned.
"You need some excitement, Greene. And what better than the sweaty, naked kind?"
Oh god…it felt like her face was positively burning…and now, cursing herself, against her will, she was unable to imagine herself and him together…doing…doing that…
He laughed. "I'm sorry, I'm just an ass. But really…I hope it works out. Truly."
He touched her arm again, and finally, Beth spoke.
"Th…thank you, Zach," she said.
He curtly nodded. "Any time, Beth." And then he waved, holding up his hand to her, before walking up the hill, disappearing into the shadows.
And, as she watched him go, Beth honestly didn't know what was wrong with her. Zach was a good-looking guy, and a lot of fun. He was kind…he was smart…the whole package. So why…why didn't she feel the same?
But, again feeling flutters in her stomach as she imagined The Governor again… her stomach sunk just a little, as she realized she probably already knew the reason why.
She saw the smirk in place of everything else, feeling more and more alien, as she stood out in the black cold.
"You can't deny it!"
Beth shivered, still walking around the grounds. She just, quite simply, needed some privacy to herself. And some air.
She rubbed her arms, but the cold somehow didn't really bother her as much as it probably would have if she wouldn't have been so preoccupied.
Zach's last words to her were still running through her mind, and she was still blushing.
"And hey…whoever he is…you should definitely…you know. Trust me. He's probably thought of that a thousand times already by now."
Goodness…she was so mortified…
And, as always…more than anything…he was filling up her mind and thoughts yet again, as usual.
Still morbidly embarrassed, Beth still couldn't help thinking of him again…just what was he doing, just then? Was he sleeping? Walking around the lonely Woodbury grounds, and just thinking, as she was? Or…
She felt weak-kneed all of a sudden, as she imagined him, slowly stripping off his clothing to shower…first his shirt…and then, his belt slowly falling to the ground…
Putting her hands to her cheeks, though her hands were like ice, she hoped it would dull the hotness positively radiating throughout her face…
Closing her eyes, somehow, the vision returned, and now…now…
A fire was roaring beside them, and it was just the two of them, all alone, in their private little world in Woodbury…
The stars were bright and the sky was black, and, wonderfully enclosed inside the abandoned town, there were no Walkers to disturb their stolen moment together…
She was lying on the cold ground, and he was on top of her, shirtless. Oh, it was cold, yes, but his warmth wonderfully heated her chilled bones, down to her very core…
He was looking at her, his one eye locked with both of hers, gently rubbing her cheek with his thumb, and she could feel herself blushing vividly.
"It's alright," he whispered. "I'm not goin' to hurt you, Beth."
She could only nod, knowing she could absolutely trust him… and then, he leaned down and kissed her neck...
Her eyes closed in ecstasy and contentment, and then, his lips found hers, his hands gently grabbing firmer hold of her…and he was so sweetly gentle, but she wanted more…
She would welcome it if he held her so tightly, she bruised…
She felt like she was flying, and oh so dizzy…but still so alive…
She could feel his arousal evident between her legs, and she couldn't help gasping a little in sudden shock, blushing more deeply, as he gently grazed the bulge in his black pants against her crotch…
Beth shook herself, her eyes snapping open, painfully aware of how hot she felt, just then. Her face still flamed, and she hated, absolutely hated, the butterflies she felt in her stomach…
Or, rather, wasps, absolutely stinging her from the inside out now…
She felt weak in the knees, and then…to her further silent humiliation, she suddenly felt…warm between her legs…
Pressing her thighs together, she bent over and breathed in deep, hoping it would pass. And soon, it did.
Still flaming, Zach's words from earlier hit again.
"And hey…whoever he is…you should definitely…you know. Trust me. He's probably thought of that a thousand times already by now."
Beth flushed again.
Breathing in deep again, she began to shakily walk.
She was so very afraid, and so confused…and so…so naïve, too…
God…she could never, ever remember feeling like that before…
She and Jimmy had never had sex. All they had done was kiss…and honestly, that had been very enjoyable all on its own. True, she had envisioned herself eventually losing her virginity to him, but, obviously, that had never happened…
And again, even now, she still felt a pang as she thought of Jimmy.
Shaking the thoughts off, she continued to walk. Out of all her old high-school female friends, she and Macy had been the only virgins. Honestly, it had never really bothered her before…she had always wanted her first time to be special…and had never truly felt ready yet. She had loved Jimmy, but had wanted to wait, and had still been just too embarrassed… scared…nervous… and she still hadn't been ready yet, at the time of his death…
But…though she still didn't feel ready yet…still felt nervous…still felt embarrassed…she, somehow, couldn't stop herself from wondering, just then, what it would be like with him…
Would he be gentle? Would he hold her? Dry her tears and kiss them away?
Somehow, she couldn't stop herself from thinking that The Governor would…
Her face reddened again, and suddenly, she wanted to run, far, far away from all of this embarrassment and confusion and torture…
"And hey…whoever he is…you should definitely…you know. Trust me. He's probably thought of that a thousand times already by now."
She bit her lip, still acutely mortified…yet still unable to stop herself from thinking…
Could there honestly be a possibility…even just the slightest…that he, somehow, wanted her physically as well…? Desired her…?
Beth shook herself, flaming again, yet unable to stop a derisive snort. She was ridiculous…she was just innocent little virgin Bethie….
No. She was naïve, innocent, lame little virgin Bethie… And there could not be any possibility that he…he desired her as a woman, or…or wanted her…
She knew that. She did. But…somehow, for some odd reason, her stomach plummeted and her heart turned, as she thought of that.
Shivering again, she took one last look into the black trees slowly swaying in the wind, far beyond the gate, and then turned and went back into the prison, rubbing her arms.
"You can't deny it!" She ignored the taunt as best she could.
Again the air was stifling as she slowly walked towards his apartment. And she couldn't help but feel anxious, as she imagined his condition upon seeing him…
What if something had happened…? Or…goodness…what if he was dead? His body broken and bloodied in some abandoned warehouse, far, far away…?
Why did she feel so nervous? So anxious? Why…
Beth shook herself. She didn't know…didn't know…
Timidly, she knocked. And time seemed to slow as she waited for him to answer.
Finally, the door did open, and he was before her again, and she couldn't seem to help the sudden racing of her heartbeat and the flutters of relief…vivid, wonderful, powerful relief…that coursed through her body…
Yet…she noticed, right away, that his right cheek was very, very much sliced open…the wound raw and fresh and violent looking…dark and red and painful…
Where had he gotten that from?
Thankfully, he spoke first.
"Hey," he said, smiling a little. "How have you been since last week?"
Yet, Beth still could not help focusing on the wound still…was he in pain…?
But she made herself speak, still feeling alarmed.
"G…good. How have you been?"
He shrugged, smiling a little wider, looking down for a second at his shoe. "The same as always. Come in."
She did so, still feeling…so very…concerned…
The door closed, and she barely had time to blink before he handed her the usual bottle of water. But somehow, she couldn't bring herself to smile…nor speak…
He noticed. "Hey, what's wrong?" He spoke softly, his eye never leaving her face.
Beth still could not seem to speak for a few moments, but then, she found her words.
"I…nothin'….nothin'….it's just…are…are you alright?"
The Governor looked puzzled for a few moments before his reply. "Yeah…I am. Why?"
She opened her mouth, hesitating before speaking. "It's just…I noticed…your face," she said, gesturing to his cheek. "I hope it's not hurtin' you bad."
Realization dawned on his face, and he laughed a little. "Oh…that. Just sliced myself with a razor…the one you do find sure do suck."
Oh…of course…she felt so foolish…
"Oh," she said, flushing a little. "That's…that's good to hear," she said.
Eyes widening, she said, blushing furiously at her reply, "Oh god…well of course that's not good to hear, but…I…I just am glad you didn't get hurt on a…a run. That's all."
She was so foolish…
He smiled a little more. "Thank you, but I'm alright. Really."
She nodded, still burning.
The Governor spoke again. Gesturing to his cheek again, he said, "All the razors you find now are dull and cheap. I just asked for it, really."
Yet, Beth was still unable to stop her eyebrows from furrowing again in sympathy and, mostly, concern, as she looked at it again… it truly did look incredibly painful…
"Ph…Philip," she said, speaking rather timidly, "are…are you sure you're alright? It…it really does look painful…maybe I could do somethin'…"
He gently smiled, shaking his head, sitting down. "Beth, thank you very much, but I'm fine. Really. A dumbass hack job I gave myself while shavin' ain't goin' to kill me. And it really just hurt the night I cut it the most. It burned like hell when I put alcohol on it, but I'm alright. And honestly, it sounds really sad, but bandagin' up my face gave me somethin' to do, I was so bored."
In spite of her worry, she couldn't help but smile.
Beth said, "Well I am glad you're alright, Philip. Truly. But…that really is quite sad how doin' that was excitin' for you, I have to admit."
She couldn't help laughing a little, and he smiled again.
Beth spoke again. "I'm sorry. But you're not alone. Sometimes it's so borin' when I have nothin' to do and everyone is gone on runs it's truly insane."
The Governor spoke again, nodding. "Well I'm sorry. But I honestly do look forward to when you come here every week…I don't get bored talkin' to you. And I'm sorry, for how that must sound comin' from me and all…"
Beth's face heated up at his words, and she couldn't help feeing touched yet again, her stomach simultaneously jolting in surprise…and, honestly, happiness…at his words.
She smiled, still hoping her face would pale and her blush would fade.
"Oh no, no. It was very nice to hear. I…I don't get bored talkin' to you, either. Honest."
His gaze held hers, and she was somehow, oddly, nervous for his response…but thankfully he smiled a little.
"Thank you, Beth," he said softly. "That really means a lot to me, comin' from you."
He reached down, averting his vision, and adjusted his right pant leg.
Beth couldn't help but smile again, though she could feel acutely how her stomach was still in knots.
Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice her inner turmoil…though really, it was just nerves and embarrassment… and she simply took a drink of water.
Then he spoke again. "So, how was your week? I hope it was good."
Beth nodded, smiling. "Yeah, yeah. It was. Judith is still so cute, and I took care of her a lot. And…it was just a good week."
Then she thought of Patrick and Zach, and how guilty she felt about them both…and then she remembered Patrick's story, of how Philip had talked to him that one night…and somehow she was still struck with innate curiosity…though of course, she didn't ever want to mention it to him, nor bring up anything from the past with him…it likely would be too painful for him. Or uncomfortable…
The Governor seemed to notice her hesitation, and gently said, "Hey. You alright?"
Shaking herself, reddening just a little, Beth said, "Oh yes. I am."
She forced herself to speak again. "Well how was your week? I hope yours was enjoyable, too."
He smiled a little. "Well…I wouldn't say that, but I guess it was alright. Nothin' too excitin' to tell."
Still burning with curiosity, Beth spoke again, settling for a different question.
"Well that's good. And hey…I…I have a question…can I ask? Have you ever had a problem with other people comin' here, thinkin' they could live here? I hope you haven't."
Looking at her, he smiled a little and shrugged. "Well, honestly, no. I haven't. It sometimes surprises me, too, but I look at it this way: Even before we made Woodbury, this place was abandoned. And this really is far out in the country, and set away in a pretty remote place of Georgia…much like the prison. And even if people ever saw this and thought about livin' here, it'd take literally hours to scour every inch of it, and every buildin' in here. And to strangers, for all they know, Biters would be rampant in here, just hidin' away in every room. And if I were just an outsider, and didn't have the knowledge that I have of here, I'd be hesitant. I'd rather just find a house or somethin' smaller so I could feel confident there wasn't anythin' or anyone lurkin' in there. Also, there is a warnin' I put up on the wall, to hopefully deter any people."
Beth nodded, remembering.
He continued. "But I don't know…quite honestly I'm sure there are bigger, better places and even better working communities than even Woodbury used to be with other people that other people would like to live in, rather than this, an abandoned town, probably in more accessible, more populated areas of Georgia. I know when I've gone on runs, I keep seein' signs when I cross railroad tracks for this place called Terminus…not that I have any interest in goin.' I don't know…somehow I just get a bad feelin' about it. And I know that probably sounds ridiculous, comin' from me…but I just do get a bad feelin' about it. The signs look kind of creepy, honestly."
Beth shuddered a little, remembering how Rick had told all of them about the very same ominous signs after returning from a run one night with the others…all in the run group had felt disconcerted as well, but thankfully, Terminus was still quite far from the prison even if traveling by car…and, thankfully, what was once Woodbury…to get too worried about the potential threat just yet.
Beth nodded, looking at him. "I…I know what you're talkin' about. The others have seen those same signs on the railroad tracks when they go on runs…thankfully that place is far enough away from you and us."
The Governor nodded. "I'm thankful, too. And hey, I'm sorry for bringin' it up…I saw on your face how scared you got, Beth…"
Beth shook her head, flushing a little again. "Oh, it's alright. Don't worry about it."
And then Beth nodded. "Well, you're right. That does make sense. And I'm glad you don't run into any people."
It really did make sense…they had all found the prison, really a goldmine to live in, with only three inmates inside of it to start. And they hadn't had a problem with anyone trying to take the prison for their own group or just thinking they could live there. And honestly, she imagined, the prison would be more desirable to live in than Woodbury…though Woodbury did have a wall, at least the prison was more enclosed…and it really was a little bigger than even Woodbury. And even then, the farm had been better yet than both the prison and Woodbury combined, with open space, plenty of room, and security.
The Governor laughed a little. "Me too. I can't have my boredom interrupted every week with potentially dangerous people."
Beth smiled a little at his joke.
Changing the subject, he said, "I hope you at least have books to read and everythin' for fun."
Beth laughed softly. "Yeah, I do…but honestly the communal book pile at the prison needs to be policed. Somebody brought back magazines and I found a ten-year old girl readin' a CosmoGirl with one of the main articles smack-dab on the cover…"
She trailed off, blushing a little, remembering.
The Governor noticed and smiled a little, though not unkindly. "Aw c'mon, you can't just leave me hangin,' Beth. And you don't have to be embarrassed."
Beth smiled, but then simply exhaled and said, "How To Please Your Man in Bed. There."
Her blush grew, and grew more vibrant still as she looked at him, but The Governor only gently smiled.
"Well…you are correct. That's very inappropriate. Very. And well…hopefully she wasn't readin' that article…?"
Beth slowly nodded her head. "Oh, she was. And she grew very angry when I confiscated the magazine from her…and it gets better. She told me that she was readin' that so she could do that with her boyfriend."
The Governor was silent, his shock evident.
"If anythin's sad, I think that is," he said.
Beth nodded again. "Oh, yes. And I did tell her parents…so hopefully that solved the problem…she hates me now, though….but…gosh, it is really the saddest thing. A little ten-year old girl doin' that? That's just not right. I don't even know how she'd even think of that kinda stuff at her age…and her boyfriend is the same age as her."
The Governor nodded, serious again. "I think children are the ones who suffered most when this all happened," he said. "They'll never know normal lives. Or be able to do normal, happy things…I'm grateful that at least Penny got six and a half normal years."
Beth nodded, feeling sorrow not only for him, but for all the young kids she had come to know and adore ever since Rick had taken all of the former Woodbury residents in…and especially Judith.
"It truly is one of the worst things that this brought on," she said softly.
The Governor nodded, looking at her again.
"Well…you did the right thing by tellin' her parents…and hopefully that won't happen again."
Beth nodded. "I sure hope so."
Silence fell again, and then he spoke again, changing the subject.
"Well…did you do anythin' excitin' this past week?"
Beth smiled a little again, laughing a little. "No, sadly. Did you?"
He smiled too, and she felt her stomach do that traitorous little flip again at the sight.
Still feeling as though she had been shocked, she listened to his reply.
"Nope…not a thing. I really wish it were possible to find a workin' portable DVD player or somethin'…or to even find movies that still worked…it really is awful technology doesn't work anymore."
Beth nodded, grinning. "Oh, I hear you. I'll tell you gladly that I wish I still had my Gilmore Girls complete series DVD set…and my portable DVD player or laptop…I spent half a paycheck buyin' that when it came out."
The Governor laughed a little. "Heck, I would gladly watch Gilmore Girls…I'd watch every single episode if it were possible at night."
Beth laughed. "I would too."
The Governor smiled. "I'd watch 'em with you…and then we could debate episodes," he said, joking.
Beth smiled a little as well, unable to help herself. "That would be entertainin,'" she said.
Then she was surprised when he spoke again.
"But admit it...I know you loved the show, but I bet another big reason you miss it is because of Jess," he said, smiling a little. "Last week you mentioned how you were sad her and him didn't work out. I just suspected you have a thing for him."
Beth was shocked for a little bit, blushing a little, but finally couldn't stop herself from laughing.
"You got me. But Milo Ventimiglia was gorgeous…and I just loved him and Jess," she said, laughing a little. "He was probably my biggest celebrity crush back in the day."
The Governor laughed a little too, though gently. "I knew it. But I'm sorry for teasin' you about it, Beth," he said.
Beth furrowed her eyebrows, smiling. "It's fine…really. But oh…I bet you had a thing for at least one of the women on that show. Tell me…Lorelei…Rory…Paris?"
The Governor smiled. "I don't know…Lorelei's mother was always pretty sexy," he said seriously.
Beth couldn't help laughing again, unable to tell if he was joking or not.
His smile grew. "I don't know…just somethin' about Emily Gilmore always drove me through the roof."
Beth recovered a little. "And you're not jokin'?"
He shook his head. "I'll never tell, Beth," he said, leaning back in his chair, grinning.
Unable to help herself, she laughed again, softly.
He spoke again. "Heck…I get so bored I'd even gladly watch Disney movies…but whenever I lose respect for myself when I dwell on the fact that I'm a grown man who would watch Disney Princess movies by myself, I take comfort knowin' that I wouldn't watch Teletubbies or some of the stuff Penny used to love that I always thought was awful…even if that were my only workin' form of entertainment. I'd rather take out my other eye," he said, smiling a little.
Beth smiled. "Oh my goodness."
"I mean, I always watched those shows with her, even though I thought they were truly awful…but…to see her laughin' and smilin' over them…that made it worth it."
Beth's smile grew, unable to help the feeling of her heart melting just a little at his words…
"Well…that's heart-warmin," she said, feeling just a little woozy all of a sudden.
He smiled. "But man…I wish it were possible to still have swimmin' pools and trampolines too…I have no shame in sayin' I'd gladly use them a lot."
Beth nodded, recovering a little. "You and me both," she said.
The Governor spoke again. "Or I'd give anythin' to find King novels…I owned all of them back in the day. Even though I read each one a thousand times, I'd still gladly re-read them."
Beth took a sip of water, nodding.
"Yeah…I really miss a lot of books I used to own, too," she said. "Not to mention clothes."
He smiled a little.
"I miss all my Bush albums…I really hate technology for just quittin' on us," he said, and she laughed.
The Governor laughed, too. "Really though…couldn't we just even have one technological device that works still? That's not really askin' for much in return for possibly runnin' the risk of dyin' every day…at least I don't think so."
Beth said, "I agree. More than you know."
He stretched, then, and she couldn't help her eyes from lingering on his chest…she could feel herself blushing again but couldn't help it.
Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice, or, if he did, he was too polite to say anything.
Clearing her throat, she said, "I keep wonderin' when the next thunderstorm is goin' to be…I'm sure it's not far off."
The Governor nodded. "Yeah…the other night when I went on a run I saw some lightnin' and it was thunderin,' but in the distance…thankfully I didn't get caught in the middle of it."
He spoke again. "But honestly…I don't mind star gazin' at night…it actually is kinda enjoyable. A far cry from Emily Gilmore, of course, but it'll do."
Beth couldn't help herself from laughing again. "Philip…I hope you don't mind my sayin' so, but…you are very odd."
And he smiled in return. "I know…I'm sorry," he said.
Beth said, "Oh…I didn't mean it in a bad way…" Now she felt rather terrible…
Thankfully his smile only grew. "I know, but I wouldn't blame ya if ya did, Beth."
His blue gaze held hers and she made herself look away, feeling another blush was imminent.
Making herself speak again, she said, "Honestly, if we're talkin' about technology, I still wish I had our old karaoke machine. I really miss that faithful little thing. If it would even work, which…honestly, it wouldn't, so I don't know why I said that."
The Governor smiled again, tousling his brown hair. "I'd gladly sing karaoke too…it'd draw Biters like crazy but honestly it'd almost be worth it. I'd have to see after killin' them all."
Beth couldn't help another brilliant smile from visiting her face at his words. Blushing red again, she said, now a little shy, "I'd be very interested to see you sing. But I don't know if there'd be any Bush songs loaded on there," she gently teased.
"That's alright…I'd even gladly sing a Britney Spears song," he said, and she couldn't help laughing again.
"Actually I did once…I was out drinkin' with my buddies one time and we all made a bet. Whoever lost had to go up on stage and sing whatever song the winners chose…I lost, so of course, they chose one of her songs. But whatever, I did pretty damn good if I do say so myself," he said.
Beth laughed. "Oh god…what one was it?"
He shook his head, smiling a little. "Gimme More."
Beth smiled. "That was always a good one."
The Governor said, still smiling, "Yeah…hate to admit it but her songs always were pretty catchy."
A natural silence fell, again, and now, Beth found herself simply looking around the room. The bed was made neatly, and two bags of supplies were against the far wall. There was a fireplace near the bathroom, though it was small, and honestly the interior was very nice, and rather free of dust. It was obvious he kept his living quarters neat.
"You keep it neat in here," she said, turning back to him. "It does look really nice in here."
He shrugged. "Well…not that I'm the neatest man who ever lived but even I have limits sometimes on grossness. One of my buddies used to live in the nastiest apartment and he'd just leave dirty underwear and clothes lyin' all over the place…you didn't know what you'd find underneath you on the sofa. So we all had an intervention one day and helped him clean," he said, smiling a little.
Beth nodded. "I always try to stay neat too…or rather, before all this. Maggie was always the messy one. I'd sometimes sneak in her room when she wasn't there and clean up for her…it always drove her crazy."
He spoke again. "I do have to admit…when I had my own place after college when my wife was away for that internship I was kind of messy…I'd leave pizza boxes stacked in the kitchen and let the dishes pile up from time to time…but I wasn't really too terrible compared to a lot of people I knew," he said.
"And it was a nice duplex…at least I always kept the bathroom clean and dusted all the time and did laundry every other day and everythin.' I just was awful about cleanin' dirty dishes after I'd cook."
Beth nodded. "Yeah…I honestly think I have OCD about cleanin' things," she said, smiling. "It would certainly make sense."
The Governor smiled. "That's not necessarily a bad thing, Beth," he said. "You shouldn't worry about it."
Beth smiled, flushing crimson yet again. "Thank you…but I have to admit, Maggie always made me feel like it was when she'd yell at me for it," she said.
He shook his head. "Well she didn't mean to yell at you. Some people just don't like change, that's all."
Beth nodded. "That's true."
The Governor then said, "My brother was always the messy one, ironically enough. I can't tell you how many times my mother would fuss over his room…and mine, too. And just us in general about everythin' growin' up…if we were eatin' enough…if we were feelin' just the tiniest bit under the weather…It was the funniest thing ever…and I mean that in the nicest way possible, of course. My mother was the sweetest lady ever. She was adorable with Penny…she'd always wanted a granddaughter. She'd always braid her hair and buy her dresses and dolls…knit her clothes and bake cookies for her and hug her and kiss her a lot…it warmed my heart that she finally was happy whenever she'd come and stay with us, after years of bein' married to my asshole of a father."
Beth smiled. "That's sweet. Truly."
"But my daddy wasn't allowed in my home. I didn't want him there. He barely knew Penny…I didn't want him around her. The only times he even saw her were when she was a baby, and the day she was born, though I didn't want him there, either. I didn't even invite him to my wedding."
Beth stared, feeling sympathy for him. "I'm sorry. And that's certainly understandable."
He shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Beth. It's not your fault," he said.
Beth spoke again, still feeling affected. "I just…I know I didn't know your mother, but I'm sure she was a wonderful lady, and I just feel so…so sorry for you and her to have to deal with that your whole lives. My daddy is just wonderful…and…I…I don't know what I'd do without him."
The Governor looked at her. "Well you deserve to be treated well, Beth," he said softly. "It'd honestly be…tragic if you had a father like mine."
He simply looked at her then, breaking off, and he was looking at her with that look again…the odd look…the one she could never understand…
Her heart thumped at his words, and somehow she felt so very confused by them…She could feel herself blushing and again, the butterflies that seemed to live in her stomach nowadays flapped their wings violently against her stomach walls…
Softly, she said, "You deserve to be treated well, too, Philip. I…I know you don't believe you deserve it…but…you…you honestly do."
His eye seemed to change just a little at her words, the pupil almost seeming to dilate, just a bit…his shock evident…but maybe she was just quite simply imagining it…
He looked down and laughed a little, self-deprecatingly. "No…no I don't, Beth, but thank you," he said softly. "A man like me doesn't deserve anythin' other than the electric chair."
Her heart twisted at his words, and she could feel herself washed anew by sympathy…
"Hey," she said softly. "I…I know how strange this'll sound to you…but…I…I honestly do think you are a good man, Philip. I…I won't lie…when I first started comin' here I…I was nearly insane with…with confusion and…and guilt…but…the…the more I spend time with you…I truly see you truly aren't the man who did all of those awful, horrible things. That…that man wasn't you. And I…I…somehow I…I do forgive you," she said, knowing in that moment that she truly, truly did.
"For everythin'…absolutely everythin' you did. I know…I know it probably makes me sound crazy…and maybe it does make me crazy…but…I…I honestly do. It…it took me awhile…and it…it wasn't easy…but I do now."
Looking at him, his shock was even more evident, and it almost was as though he had been put under some sort of spell…he couldn't seem to speak.
Still silence as the invisible minutes ticked away, and then, finally he spoke, slowly shaking his head, his voice cracking a little.
"B…Beth…you honestly have no idea how much that…that means to me…but…how…how can you? Honestly? That…you…you honestly amaze me. And I don't mean that in a bad way," he said softly.
She blushed yet again at his words, and the way he was looking at her…and somehow, she couldn't help from noticing just how…adorable he looked when he was shocked…if that even made any sense…yet she concentrated, knowing exactly what she was going to say.
Biting her lip, she simply spoke.
"I…I just do. You'd only be unworthy of forgiveness if you truly were an evil man, Philip. One who didn't care about others, and never loved anyone his whole life. One who was never troubled by horrible things he did…or…or wracked with guilt by them each day. One who was never troubled by the man lookin' back at him in the dirty, cracked, bloodstained mirror…One who was never afraid to even look at himself in the mirror every night, for fear of what he might find lookin' back at him…One who's not terrified he'll look in the mirror and see the devil himself starin' back at him… The…the man I only thought you were, for so long. And that just isn't you.
"You…you do know how to love; that much is clear. I see it on your face every week whenever you mention your wife, or Penny, or your mother or brother. You do feel regret for everythin' you did; I can tell. And I can tell you…you'll never forgive yourself…but why not let others? You…you've always been so nice to me, every time I come here…me…lame, dorky old me…and…I…I…I know you…you bleed inside, every day, for Penny…and your wife and mother and brother…and you…you feel convinced that it was your fault Penny was…was killed…and that you aren't worthy of anyone's love…or…or affection or…anythin' good from anyone. And it's…it's truly heartbreakin' to watch. And I know you're haunted every day from everythin' you did, but…I know everythin' you did was awful…but lookin' back, did you mean to do any of those things? Did you want to do them? Did you ever, at any point in your life before the apocalypse, aspire to be a man who killed and did all the other things you did, and hope somethin' like the outbreak would happen so you could? No…you may disagree with me, but I know, deep down, that no, you never ever wanted to do any of those awful things. And I know you feel convinced that you don't deserve to live…but…you do. And no matter what you may think, you…you are a good man."
There. She had said all of it. She simply looked at him, knowing her face only showed sorrow for him, and now, if possible, he looked even more shocked.
The minutes ticked away…though really it seemed like it could have been hours…and then he began to speak, though the words came out garbled at first, before he seemed to get a proper grasp on English again.
"Beth…th…g…" He paused, looking down, and then looked at her again, the words normal again, his voice soft.
"Beth…th…thank you. Truly. You…you don't know how much that…that means to…to me. But…though I…I know deep down I don't deserve forgiveness…And I don't think I'm good, like you do…I…I know I never will…but…just…thank you, Beth. I…you're mature beyond your years. And I…I always knew that before this, but…just…thank you. And you're not lame, or dorky…don't…don't ever think that."
Yet, through it all, he was giving her that odd yet slowly familiar look again…
Time seemed to slow, and then, far off in the distance, a far-off rumble of thunder hit. She jumped.
"I'll…I'll walk you out," he said softly. Beth could only nod.
Now, for some odd reason, he didn't even seem to want to look at her, or even talk…and rather foolishly, she thought, she grew worried, because what if her words had only caused him to feel odd around her…or…
They reached the gate and he opened it wordlessly.
Beth stood there, for some odd reason not wanting to leave, because she was so sure he didn't want to talk to her any more…
He turned and faced her, then, and again, as always, she couldn't help but blush. He looked so handsome standing there, and he was, again, giving her that strange look…
He spoke softly. "I…Beth?"
She could barely even form a reply, but she was shocked when he came closer to her and put a warm hand on her arm. Her heart skipped one beat.
He squeezed a little, though gently, and said, looking down, "Beth…I…just…thank you. Really."
He looked back up at her, removing his hand then, and she felt bereft at the loss of his warmth…
Beth forced herself to smile, blush still growing. But her heart still hurt so much for him, and she felt so very pained for him, she wanted to offer him comfort in a way other than words…
His cheek would be warm, she imagined, and so very…indescribable under her lips…but she knew that she lacked the courage to do so. She hated herself for it, for being such a coward, but he did that to her. And he didn't even know it.
But it would be so easy…why was it so daunting? She had done this very thing once before, with Rick…but of course, he wasn't Rick…
Instead, she settled for something else. She put her hand on his arm and said, "Don't mention it, Philip. See you next week."
Again, that look of pure, unadulterated shock…and then he spoke again.
"I can't wait, Beth," he said softly, and she now felt hornets in her stomach at his words…
She removed her hand then, still somehow wishing that it were possible to stop time and not have to return to the prison until tomorrow…but then she shook herself. She knew she had to. And it wasn't that she didn't want to. No…It was honestly, quite simply, the very real fact that she didn't want to return just then.
Yet…she made herself smile one last time and walk through the gate, and as it slowly closed behind her, as she looked one last time at the wall, she knew, truly, that she did forgive him. Wholly and utterly.
The entire drive home she couldn't stop blushing, or from feeling weak. But she felt strong, too…
Yes. She did honestly forgive him, somehow. And honestly, there was nothing wrong with that. Or with her. Or with him. She knew that. She did.
Yet as she passed the woods, the sky beginning to turn black with the threat of oncoming rain, the wind beginning to pick up, she somehow almost heard invisible words, on the wind, the voice both eerie and biting.
"Traitor!"