AH I'm so sorry! I started this way back in October but I just finished it now. I hope this makes up for the absence. I still love this story, rest assured, and updates will be way more frequent. :D
And to my lovely guest reviewer (though I love and appreciate you all equally! :D) who said last chapter they wouldn't mind seeing Beth and him do things other than talk...I'm sorry but at this point in the story so far, they really *CAN'T* do anything more than talk. And I'm so sorry for that, I know my conversations are not interesting at all and it's painfully boring every week, but this whole entire story will NOT be her going to visit him and them talking, lol. I promise! The story will eventually begin to pick up, and really it hasn't even begun yet, but rest assured, it will be very long and the plot will eventually begin to move.
And finally, if interested, I recently wrote two new oneshots about these two; a sequel to Moonlight Visits and an AU-ishy one in Alexandria where the war with Woodbury happened with another group that was not Rick's, and so Rick's group and Philip never met. I become more happily delusional with each thing I write about Beth and Philip. :D
Anyway I hope you guys enjoy!
The moon was almost obscured by thick black clouds, and the gray, thick, swarming fog that had permeated the air the entire day was still evident as Beth walked outside.
She simply pulled her sweater more tightly around her and closed her eyes and breathed in deep, the cold night air almost burning her lungs.
It was so gloomy and lonely outside, but at least she knew nothing could hurt her within the prison fences…it would be another thing entirely to be out there, lost and alone in the miles upon miles of black, swaying trees, and forests…and roads.
She heard an angry gaggle of bats screech close above her, but could not see them as they flew high above the prison fences.
Another cold wind hit, and she shivered.
Closing her eyes yet again, Beth simply stood there, and allowed her thoughts to settle as best they could.
Just what was he doing at this moment, all of those miles away?
Was he sleeping? Going on a supply run? Eating? Just walking and thinking, as she was?
Was he lonely?
She opened her eyes. She couldn't deny it any longer…she knew that if it were possible, at that moment, she would gladly be giving him company during the lonely, cold, gloomy nights…and she felt even sorrier for him as the weeks wore on, at the very real fact that he had nobody at all in the world anymore, and especially so because he truly was not the monster she had always hated before…not the monster that had done all of the monstrous acts that he had committed.
She also couldn't deny that oddly…she wanted to give him company at night…to let him know that at least there was one person in the world who did not loathe him, and cared about him, though she fought it every day…
Beth bit her lip. She also knew that keeping him company at night would be oddly interesting…to see just what he did and how he occupied his time before going to sleep each and every night…and it would be peaceful, even, just he and her, simply talking…or maybe watching the glittering silver stars in the bright black sky…
She blushed. She knew he wouldn't harm her…she knew that as surely as she knew her own name. And…
She shook herself. And was it wrong that oddly she wanted that?
She closed her eyes again, leaning against the familiar patch of fence where she and Zach had walked two weeks ago, and stood for a few moments.
Unbidden, she imagined The Governor…Philip…down there with her, at that very moment, so wonderfully warm against the chill of the night, and him gently caressing her face…and then softly, gently kissing her, his touch still gentle as he pulled her only closer to him…
The gloominess of the night ceased to exist, and the biting chill of the winds that whipped against them…She felt so warm, now. So wonderfully warm...and safe…and loved…
Beth opened her eyes again, her face violently warm even as another icy blast of wind hit.
She simply breathed in deep and continued to walk, blowing on her hands.
"You can't deny it!"
The next evening, Beth was almost in awe as she looked at herself in the mirror she had in her cell, as the bonfire was readied up indoors once again, due to rain.
Was that beautiful girl staring back at her really her?
She touched her face, and the stranger in the reflection that looked so very like her touched hers as well.
The makeovers had been wonderfully fun, and Beth had enjoyed helping the little girls with their makeup, as well as braiding their hair. Heck, even Maggie had let her do her makeup, declaring Beth did it better than even she could. Beth still smiled as she remembered.
But Sasha and Maggie and Carol had elected to work their magic on her, despite Beth's shy, modest protests, and she was still in shock.
They had taken her hair out of her usual ponytail and brushed it near a thousand times, before redoing it. A faint pink blush had been applied to her cheeks, and she could still see the shimmer effect woven into it. A fuchsia eye-shadow adorned her eyes, making her eyes pop, and the barest trace of red lipstick completed her look.
It was so simple, true…but Beth preferred simple makeup. She always had. And she couldn't deny…she looked beautiful…
She smiled as she touched her mother's locket, fingering the cold metal.
"I still don't look as good as you always did, Mama, but it sure is an improvement."
Looking down, she laughed a little, as she heard Maggie yell.
"Beth! Get your butt in here. Daryl's goin' to start his ghost story soon."
"I'm comin' Maggie!" she called back.
Glancing one last time at her reflection, she still could not help but linger.
And was it so very wrong she oddly wished her supply run had been today, instead of tomorrow? That she could have gone looking like this, instead of how she usually did, with no makeup at all?
She blushed again and then shook herself. No…it wasn't wrong at all. It wasn't.
"You can't deny it!"
The next afternoon was windy and gray, and strangely cold. It was clear storms were going to hit by at least nightfall, but, thankfully, it was not storming yet.
Before leaving for her run, Beth nervously fiddled with herself one last time.
She was wearing jeans and black boots, and a navy-blue sweater. Her mother's necklace was prominent, and she must have redone her hair near a thousand times…
She blushed again. She had applied the same pink shimmer blush from yesterday to her face, and red lipstick. That was all; she hadn't allowed herself any more than that…
Inwardly, she cringed at just how odd it would no doubt look to everyone else; seeing her all dolled up just for a supply run…
But then she shook her head. No. Honestly they could just think she was excited to have makeup and luxuries again… Every girl that had partaken in the makeover session was wearing makeup today after they had all evenly divided it all amongst themselves, not just her…
Shaking herself, she pictured The Governor suddenly, unbidden, and she blushed, and nervous butterflies attacked her insides, at the reality she would soon be with him again…
Would he like it?
She simply breathed in deep and then left, before she'd hear the familiar mimicking taunt.
As usual the run went well, and soon she was walking towards his apartment, her heart near in her mouth…
Excitement was there, too, oddly, but also happiness…strange, inexplicable, unmistakable happiness…and…as always…nerves and fear.
Please…hopefully he would be alright, safe and unharmed again…
She knocked, suddenly so nervous she pictured running away. But then she steeled herself.
Thankfully, the door opened, and again, he was before her, safe and well and…honestly…smiling, at the sight of her.
Her stomach dropped near three floors, though, at the sight of him.
Today he was wearing a white t-shirt and black pants, and he looked much more well-rested than he had last week…
His brown hair was a little messy, true, but she liked it…and she couldn't help but admire his familiar watch on his right wrist…
His blue eye almost sparkled in the cold, and goodness…
Why was he so impossibly handsome…?
"Hey, Beth," he said, inclining his head. "I'm glad you're here."
Beth shook herself, blushing, and smiled as well.
"Me too. How've you been since last week, Philip? I hope you got enough sleep this week."
He laughed a little. "I did. But come in, please…it's too damn cold out there today."
Beth couldn't help laughing, too, and soon enough, they were inside.
Looking around, his bed was unmade, but he'd at least straightened it out somewhat.
"Sorry about that," he said, pointing. "I admit sometimes I'm just lazy…it's too much to make the bed only to demolish it at night. I'm awful, I know."
Beth couldn't help laughing a little. "It's alright. Truly. I don't blame you one bit. And honestly, bed-makin' takes a back seat to fightin' for your life every day."
He laughed a little.
"Actually…I feel bad, makin' you sit on hard wood chairs every week you come here. If you want, you could sit on the bed. I don't mind."
Beth's eyes widened a little, and he smiled, noticing her hesitation.
"Don't worry…I don't sleep naked. And I always wash the sheets every week, believe it or not."
At his words…particularly the first part…Beth found herself again blushing furiously…
Oh goodness…
But she shook herself, finding her voice. Warmly, she smiled.
"Oh, thank you very much, but it's alright. It's not your fault. But thank you for the offer, Philip."
He curtly shook his head. "Don't mention it, Beth. But it's just how I was raised I guess…a man should never let a woman be in discomfort."
Again, she couldn't help feeling touched…but she spoke instead, trying not to focus on the woozy feeling slowly beginning to sink through her stomach…
Smiling again, she said, "It's alright, but it's very kind of you to offer. Anyway…how was your week?"
Again, he smiled a little. "Wait one minute."
Puzzled, Beth couldn't help but laugh when he went to the far corner of the room, dug in a red bag, and withdrew a bottle of water and a bottle of juice, handing them to her.
His smile grew. "We gotta do this right every week, don't we?" he asked softly, finally sitting down across from her. "It's basically tradition now."
Beth couldn't help her own smile from forming as she recovered.
"Yes, I guess it really is. And thank you again, Philip. Very much…"
The Governor shook his head, his smile growing. "You don't have to thank me for anythin' Beth. Really. You're too polite for your own good."
She blushed a little, feeling her face growing hotter from focusing on his smile. But Beth laughed again, knowing he was absolutely right.
"Yes. I suppose I am."
He shook his head, still smiling. "It's nothin' to be embarrassed about…I'm sorry. I didn't mean it in a bad way, Beth. I'm an ass."
Still a little shy, Beth said, "Oh…you're not. You're actually very polite, believe it or not," she gently teased.
The Governor's smile grew.
"You clearly haven't spent enough time with me then, Beth," he said, slowly shaking his head, and she couldn't help laughing a little again.
Then he spoke again. "Anyway…to answer your question…I had a pretty good week. The stars were real nice so I watched them a lot…I just made a fire every night when I did and just laid out there on a blanket…and besides there's not much else to do anyhow."
She couldn't help laughing a little in agreement.
"I got a lot of sleep…and I even found some pretty good soup that didn't make me want to puke when I opened the can and cooked it for once, so that's good too. I consider myself a lucky man."
Beth couldn't help laughing again, and his own smile formed.
"I'm sorry…but sometimes the food is so rotten it smells like death. You don't know until you open it."
Beth smiled. "I completely agree. Anyway…that does sound really nice. I know…the stars are so beautiful at night. I've been walkin' lately, even though it's cold…I…I just can't sleep sometimes."
Inwardly she flinched a little. Because I can't help thinking about you all the time.
She flushed a little and concentrated on opening her water, knowing it would distract her.
When she finally looked back at him, he honestly was looking at her with the utmost concern.
"You've been feelin' alright though, haven't you? I hope so, Beth."
Beth hastily smiled and shook her head, blushing a little.
"Oh…thank you Philip but I do…I have been. Thank you. It's…it's nothin' really. I do manage to get to sleep each night; it just takes awhile. That's all."
His blue gaze still held hers, and then he only softly said, "Well, I hope that fixes itself in time."
She smiled, feeling touched again. "Thank you," she said, just as softly.
A few moments of silence seemed to linger, and then she spoke again.
Changing the subject, then, she cleared her throat and said, "So…anythin' else excitin' happen in your week?"
His earlier seriousness seemed to evaporate, though it oddly looked like he was still…concerned…in his eye…but she shook it off…It was nothing…and she was just being crazy…
"No…not really. But that's nothin' new." He gently smiled a little, finally, and she was relieved to see it back.
"But what I should have asked was how was your week? I hope it was good."
Beth smiled, laughing a little as she remembered the second bonfire they had had, as well as the makeovers.
"Oh, it was wonderful. The little girls were so adorable…we finally did the makeovers, and I must have done fifteen little girl's hair alone…"
But, too late, she realized her words, and the impact they no doubt would have on him…the incredibly painful, excruciating impact…the impact that no doubt would cause his heart to bleed inside of him…
Breaking off suddenly, knowing her expression only held the utmost sympathy for him, and regret, as she finally looked at him, she said, "Oh my goodness…I…I'm so sorry for…for bringin' that up…and sayin' that…I…I feel absolutely terrible…"
She shook her head hastily, suddenly unable to look at him. "I'm so sorry…I'm so stupid."
She concentrated on her lap, fingering her mother's locket. Her heart pounded, and she felt so guilty…
But to her surprise, The Governor spoke, softly. "Hey…look at me, Beth."
She did, her face burning in mortification. And honestly, he did not look sad at all, to her immense relief, nor upset or angry. He slowly shook his head.
"You have nothin' to be sorry for, Beth," he said softly. "And I appreciate your concern, but it's fine. Believe me. You did nothin' wrong by mentionin' that…I know why you're so concerned, but it's fine. Believe me."
Beth couldn't help biting her lip, knowing her eyes still only held sympathy.
"I…I just didn't think, Philip…I…I…I just…I can only imagine how me mentionin' all the little girls honestly probably made you feel, deep down inside...I…I don't want to ever mention her, or…or make you feel…"
But he still only shook his head, speaking softly. "I know, Beth. But you have nothin' to apologize for."
Looking at him, he honestly was sincere, and no…thankfully, he did not look saddened, as she had feared he would…But she knew he surely was feeling the pain, deep down buried inside of him, and she still wanted to kick herself, but she only nodded, still looking at him.
"O…okay."
The Governor gently smiled, then. "Well…you didn't finish. Did they like your work?"
And honestly, she couldn't help finally smiling a little, too, laughing a little nervously.
"Yes…yes they did, to my surprise. And one little girl even came up to me afterward and said…well really whispered…that Maggie had pulled too hard on her hair, and she liked it better when I did it."
He laughed a little. "That's cute."
Beth nodded. "Oh it was. And us older girls loved the makeovers, too…it was nice to feel like a girl again."
He tousled his brown hair a little, his watch glinting in the light. He smiled at her words.
"Well…anythin' else excitin' happen?"
And Beth couldn't help laughing again as she remembered Daryl's new scary stories…honestly she had been a little terrified this time, unlike the last…and she could only fathom what the next batch would be like.
"Well…we had a bonfire again, inside, because of the rain…people told scary stories…it was fun. We're goin' to do that more often, I guess. But I'm kind of dreadin' how scary the next batch will be."
And he smiled, shaking his head, glancing down at the table before looking back at her.
"God that takes me back to college…my buddies and me would always get a huge group of people together and camp out in the woods on weekends. There'd be alcohol of course…s'mores…someone playin' a prank…it was great."
Beth couldn't help smiling. "Were these real haunted places or just plain old regular woods?"
He laughed, smiling at her. "Oh… No. These were just normal woods…just my buddies and me would always go to actual haunted places ourselves. We didn't invite anybody else. It was just our group thing, and after all, we were an elite drunken group of weirdos."
Beth smiled a little, her curiosity only piqued. "I'm curious…what did you and your friends do in your free time besides goin' to haunted places? I'm curious."
He smiled, shaking his head again. "You don't want to know."
Beth said, "But I do. Just tell me, Philip. I'm sure it wasn't weird."
The Governor said, smile growing, "Fine. Just don't judge me too harshly."
"Well…we'd drink a lot, really in our junior and senior years. Or we'd get pizza and stuff and watch scary movies or really bad slasher films that mostly consisted of gorgeous naked women gettin' hacked to pieces, especially near Halloween…And I mean we did normal things like party and go to sports games and play sports ourselves…and we'd go to concerts and stuff like that…but honestly drinkin' was one of our favorite social activities. Especially at huge parties."
He laughed a little. "So there you have it. I'm honestly surprised I could even function some days I was so hungover."
Beth couldn't help smiling. "So you drank a lot. Big deal. I'm not goin' to judge you for that. That's normal."
The Governor laughed again. "Well…we were honestly really responsible when we did…but yeah…I really wasn't a total irresponsible partier, believe it or not…I worked a lot when I wasn't in class and everythin' and I always did my work and turned it in on time but when I did have free time I just wanted to have a good time with my friends and people we knew."
Beth said, "That's perfectly understandable. And don't worry…I don't think you sound irresponsible at all."
He smiled. "You're really too kind, believe me."
She laughed. Then he spoke again.
"Well…I'll tell you some other stuff I did myself…I played hockey in college…I started playin' in high school and I did it all the way through…but it wasn't for the college, it was more of a less-time consumin' league for fun…they tried to get me to try out for Varsity because they said I would have made it, but it would have just taken up too much time and it wasn't somethin' I wanted to do for a career…and I also worked in a coffee shop my senior year part-time too."
Beth said, impressed, "Wow. That's very impressive. Did you enjoy hockey?"
He nodded. "Yes, I did, but I just liked doin' it for fun. I think I would have hated it if I would have been forced to rely on it for a scholarship or somethin'…and I always did enjoy it but I got smacked with the puck plenty. I got probably four black eyes alone from one of those things. It wasn't fun."
Beth shuddered a little. "Oh…I can only imagine."
Then he said, "But enough about me…what're some interestin' things about you?"
Caught off guard a little, Beth blushed and said, "Oh…there's really nothin'…"
The Governor shook his head slowly again, smiling, and said, "You always say that, but the things you tell me really are interestin'…really."
Beth could feel her blush deepening. She said, still shy, "I…well…I always liked ridin' horses…I never was in any competitions or anythin' but I used to always ride my horse in the spring and summer in our pasture. I really miss the farm. It was always so nice."
She thought a little more.
"And I always used to love helpin' my daddy in his office…I've always loved animals and it was so cute holdin' them and everythin'…especially the puppies and kittens."
She shrugged. "And…well…I've always loved flowers, too…I used to always love gardenin' and everythin' back on the farm…if this world were still normal I think I would have liked bein' a florist too, if not a nurse."
Looking back at him she said, "But see? How were those facts interestin' at all?"
She laughed a little. "I'm honestly really borin' to spend time with. I'm sorry."
Yet he smiled just a little, shaking his head.
"They are. You may not believe me but I'm not lyin' to you. And I've known some borin' people in my life…trust me. You're not at all Beth. You need to have more confidence in yourself."
Again, Beth couldn't help her cheeks from reddening, but she simply shook her head and took another drink, though her stomach was swirling at his words as well.
Beth smiled, though. "Well thank you. That's very kind."
Looking at him again, she said, "Well…honestly, I don't think you're borin' at all, Philip. I wouldn't mind learnin' more about you."
He smiled just a little, before tousling his hair.
"Well…I was a manager at a hotel third-shift for awhile just out of college before I got my insurance firm job. That paid pretty well."
Beth couldn't help laughing a little. "That's very interesting. Was it a haunted hotel?"
And he laughed too, before shaking his head. "Nope. Though some of the guests had the worst attitudes."
Beth couldn't help laughing again, though she was genuinely interested.
"But that is a very interestin' thing to learn about you…did you like it?"
The Governor shrugged a little, nodding. "Yeah, I did. I didn't really mind stayin' up all night, and really you just had a lot of time to yourself to get your work done and everythin like that. Most nights were really quiet, honestly."
She nodded. "I'm sure it was nice."
He nodded again. "Yeah, it was. But I'd always get my work done and just basically sit there waitin' for the phone to ring or for someone to check in. It could get really borin'. But I did always like when they played scary movies on the TV in the lobby around Halloween…that was always great."
Beth smiled, shaking her head. "I can only imagine."
He smiled. "And I don't know…it gave me a lot of time to read my latest King novel or whatever in between interruptions."
Beth couldn't help smiling a little more.
"Honestly it sounds like you had an obsession with horror everythin'" she teased, and he nodded.
"More like a fascination…I just never found other genres as interestin', though I did like history books and things too. World War II, stuff like that on occasion."
Beth said, brightening a little, "I always used to love readin' history books too. I remember we had a whole bunch in the basement, fiction and non-fiction, and I always loved the romance ones the best out of the fiction ones…especially World War II era Europe. I always did like history."
The Governor nodded. "Aside from science, history was pretty bearable too."
Beth laughed. "I just hated math. It was easy, but just so borin'. And I wasn't a big fan of gym, either, though only due to the teachers."
He gently smiled. "I always did like gym. It gave you an excuse to have fun and not be trapped in a classroom for an hour. Though I agree, some of my gym teachers were awful."
Speaking again, he said, "But I'm sure I don't have to tell you by now that I just was not a big fan of school, though I always got good grades and everythin' and never misbehaved, believe it or not. I just always thought there were far more enjoyable things all of us could have been doin' every day, instead of school, like roller-bladin' or goin' to theme parks, or swimming…all that stuff."
Beth nodded, agreeing, and she couldn't help laughing. "I agree…I did like school myself, but it was always torture when the weather got nice."
He smiled. "I did always like shop class though and other electives…it made school just that little more bearable."
Beth couldn't help laughing again. "Yeah…I always just loved home economics and baking and everythin' like that."
He gently smiled again. "Did you ever want to be a baker or own your own shop or anything like that? I get the impression you loved baking more than you let on."
Beth's smile grew, and she shrugged. "Honestly…yeah. I did consider it. I would have liked that, too. Maybe on the side in addition to nursing."
Yet she hesitated before confessing what one of her other career aspirations had always been…even just as a side career, but she really never knew what people's reactions would be. Hershel and Shawn and her mother and friends and Jimmy had always been supportive, but Maggie had always expressed disdain and just said she was just being foolish thinking she would ever be a real success…but then she simply breathed in deep.
Looking at him again, she said, "Honestly, though…Part of me…well, really, a big part of me…always just wanted to be a singer full-time and do it for a living…I've always loved singin' and I'm always happy when I do. I know it's foolish and stuff, thinkin' I could honestly have made it…the music world was so tough when the world was normal and honestly, there were tons of female singers with better voices than me. I know that…but…maybe I could have made it. I hope, at least. I know I'll never get the chance to find out, now, though, and maybe that's a good thing, but…I just could never fully shake the idea out of my head."
Yet she couldn't help laughing again a little, shaking her head. "I mean I guess it really is a good thing I'll never know, because, now that I really sit and think about it, I would have just been settin' myself up for some real disappointment. But I've…I've always just loved performin' and singin' and I just always wanted to be one."
Beth finally looked back at him, only to find he wasn't looking at her with pity or forced politeness…he honestly was simply looking at her, yet not with any masked insults or any notions that she had been foolish, crazy, deluded for her dream… No…he honestly just looked like he…
Yet she didn't allow herself to finish her thought…because she surely was deluded for even thinking that…
And he spoke, softly, his blue eye never leaving her face, and she couldn't help from blushing yet again as his words sunk down deep within her.
The Governor said, "No. You shouldn't feel like you were foolish or crazy for wantin' to be that. And I have no doubt you would have been a success, Beth, and you shouldn't think that you wouldn't have been."
Her face grew hotter, and honestly, as she lingered on his words, the sweetness of them made her want to bottle them up and save them…if only that were possible…and they left a warmth within her that hadn't made her realize just how cold she had been before…
And, as he only looked at her, she only continued to blush even deeper, almost too shy to maintain eye contact, but she only smiled shyly, and said, "That's very nice, but you've never even heard me sing. And I…I'm really not that good…I'm actually…"
The Governor slowly shook his head, speaking softly. "I have no doubt that you're wonderful at it, Beth."
Yet he didn't say any more after that, and she still did not know what to say, so Beth said nothing.
She still felt embarrassed, though, and so she simply took another drink of water, the taste soothing her.
And then, finally he spoke again, at long last. And, thankfully, the change in the topic of conversation made her forget her embarrassment of before.
He said, "I considered becomin' a fire-fighter, but I just never did. And besides, it just would have made my mother even more worried than she needed to be."
Beth nodded, sincerely interested. "That's very interestin' to learn about you. Would you have liked it?"
He smiled a little, shrugging. "Yeah, I would have. Especially considerin' just how borin' insurance could be some days. And how awful my boss always was."
Beth laughed a little. "I can only imagine."
The Governor's smile grew. "You don't want to, believe me. My father and him would have been the best of friends."
Beth, feeling very solemn for him, said, "I'm sorry. I still always feel awful whenever you talk about your father…it's so sad you had to deal with that your whole life."
Yet he gently shook his head. "You shouldn't feel sorry for me, Beth. It's not your fault how my father was. Believe me."
Beth said, "Well…I just do. And despite what you may think about yourself, you deserve sympathy too, Philip."
The Governor only looked at her, still looking a little shocked, yet he slowly shook his head again and said, "I really don't. Especially yours. But thank you."
And before she could reply, he changed the subject yet again.
He said, "I feel like it's goin' to rain again soon. It seems like now that's all that ever happens at night."
Beth nodded, agreeing. "I know. I always liked rainy days before this…I'd just bake or sew if I had nothin' to do if none of my friends could hang out. Or if my family was busy."
He smiled. "You seem like you'd enjoy sewing. And I don't mean that in a bad way."
Beth smiled. "I know. But what are some other things you liked to do for fun that I don't already know about?"
The Governor said, "Well…sometimes when I'd have nothin' to do on rainy days, especially in college, I'd go to the gym. They always had a nice indoor pool. Or I'd just listen to music or be a lazy bum and watch television all day if all my friends were busy."
Beth's smile grew. "That's nice, but I'm sure there's more."
He laughed a little. "Sometimes I'd just drive around…and I did always enjoy rock-climbin' from time to time. I don't know…I'm really not that excitin' to learn about. Believe me."
Beth shook her head. "Well I think you are."
The Governor smiled again. "Well that's very kind, Beth, but you have far too high an opinion of me."
Beth couldn't help laughing again as well. "Well somebody has to, don't they?"
Yet something seemed to change within him at her words, and his smile gradually vanished, and, still, that same look of plain, raw shock was evident on his face. Slowly he shook his head, and finally he spoke again.
"I will never understand or even begin to fathom why you choose to spend time with me, or how you ever could forgive me, Beth, and honestly I never will be able to, but…I…you honestly put me to shame."
Beth simply stared at him, and again, as always, she could see that he was absolutely genuine in his shock and remorse…abundantly so.
Her heart softening even more for him, she only softly said, "You need to stop that, Philip. We both know everything you did was absolutely awful. Yes, every single bit of it was… But, we also both know that that wasn't the real you. Or at least, I do now. And I did mean absolutely everything of what I said to you two weeks ago…I do forgive you. I honestly do."
Staring at The Governor, he still looked lost for words, and still in awe of what she had just expressed, but he opened his mouth to speak again.
"Beth, I…I just…"
Yet she only gently shook her head, and said, "It's all right. Truly. It is, Philip."
But, staring at him, he still looked as though he wanted to speak, and then it truly made her wonder just what it was that he had been going to say…
But she shook it off. She knew that it would have been simply more apologies and such, and not that she did not appreciate them, but it honestly was very sad to watch him be forced to relive everything he was most afraid of within himself whenever he did…and oddly, she wanted to save him from that.
Yet still he was staring at her, again, with that very same odd, serious look…that look that was impossible to understand, that look that was so baffling, and yet that look that made her feel…
She couldn't help but blush as he continued to wordlessly look at her, but stopped her thoughts before they even began.
Making herself speak, she cleared her throat and said, "Have you been lucky with not havin' to kill a lot of Walkers every mornin' lately? We've actually not had a lot of problems, strangely enough. The fences are holdin' nicely."
Slowly that familiar look vanished, yet he still looked a little out of it, for just one moment, before he shook his head. He also looked shocked at her change of conversation so quickly, but the shock too slowly vanished.
"Yeah. They're not too bad every mornin' like usual. They only really get bad when it rains. Hell if we'll ever know why, though."
Beth couldn't help laughing a little. "Maybe they just like havin' parties in the rain. They're funny little creatures, aren't they?"
The Governor only looked at her, yet he slowly smiled, and she was relieved to see it once again, because that meant that the awkwardness had disappeared again, like always…
Beth couldn't help reddening a little at her little awful, (at least she was sure) attempt at humor, but said, "Sometimes I just try and pretend they're not dangerous monsters who just want to kill us. For my own sanity, I guess. And it makes it easier to deal with them when you make jokes of them."
He softly spoke again. "You don't need to explain yourself, Beth. It's fine."
She grinned a little then, though sheepishly, and then said, "I'm kind of a dork if you haven't already figured that out yet."
He shook his head though, and said, "No, you're not Beth. Don't think that about yourself."
And somewhere, deep inside of her, at his words, her stomach flipped, and she felt unbelievable joy…but then shook herself.
He was just being nice…there was no underlying meaning to his words…none at all…and besides, why should she even care what he thought of her? They would never be…they would never work…and really, why would she even want that?
Slowly, a familiar rotting face began to enter her vision, and she hastily spoke, before she'd hear the four words she had begun to hate most.
Clearing her throat before speaking, she said, "Well…have your runs been goin' okay for you? I hope so."
He nodded. "Yes, they have been. And luckily I haven't run into any trouble, but I do go to remote places sometimes in order to avoid runnin' in with other people. But unluckily, still haven't come across any really good food or anythin' like that. Which really sucks."
Beth couldn't help laughing. "I agree. But you could always catch a deer or somethin' if you're lucky. We did awhile ago, and it tasted great."
He smiled. "I would if I could but sadly I haven't come across any lately. Biters must scare animals."
Beth nodded, agreeing. "I'm sure they do. Poor things. I always wonder what happened to our cat we had back on the farm…I do miss her. And all our animals."
"Penny always loved our cat…it was the cutest thing watchin' her with her. Ours was a girl, too."
Beth smiled, though sadly for him. "I'm sure it was just adorable."
And then, ever more curiosity about him bled throughout her, as always, and she couldn't help from speaking yet again.
"So…I don't know…what else is there to know about you, Philip? And I'm sorry," she said, laughing, "I know that's probably the fortieth time I've said that from all of our visits combined and you probably never want to hear those words from me ever again, but I really do want to know more."
Watching him, The Governor smiled at her words, and again, she couldn't help, even through her laughter, noticing just how wonderful he looked when he smiled…when he was happy…
He shook his head. "No…no. It's fine. You don't annoy me. But I just don't get why you want to know more. I really don't."
Beth laughed again. "Oh…alright. For each fact you share about yourself I'll share one about me, if that'll get you to talk."
His smile grew. "No," he said softly. "You don't need to do that, Beth…"
Beth said, "My middle name is Carrie-Beulah. And yes…I'm serious about that. My daddy always liked the middle name Carrie and my momma always liked the name Beulah so they compromised and chose both. I hate it."
Laughing a little again, she said, "You can laugh. Go ahead."
To his credit, he didn't look like he was dying to laugh at all, though he smiled at her words, and slowly shook his head.
"No…no. That's really a very nice middle name. It really is."
Beth shook her head. "Oh, c'mon…it sounds like the most redneck middle name of all! Heck, if the world were normal, and I would have become a singer, I could have used that alone as my stage name and people would just have made fun of me for it."
He laughed a little. "No…but people would have known you weren't a redneck though. And besides, that's not bad at all. Believe me. My middle name is Thomas, though I thank my lucky stars every day my mother didn't name me after Elvis or Johnny Cash or any of her many favorite male singers…I shudder to think of the reality of that."
Beth couldn't help laughing, too. "That's sweet. My grandmother loved them both, too."
He said, "I think I also dodged a bullet by bein' born second…Brian's middle name was honestly Woody. I always gave him a hard time about that."
Beth couldn't help laughing yet again. "Oh goodness…that's a bad one, too."
The Governor nodded, his smile almost seeming to burn into her for just one moment as she looked at him…
"Yep. Thank god that wasn't me."
Blinking, trying not to focus on how she felt in her stomach just then, Beth said, "What's your favorite color? Mine's always been pink."
"Red," he said softly.
And then, he surprised her by speaking yet again.
"I always liked snowboardin' when I was younger and skiing, especially in college. And I always liked goin' tubing and everythin' with buddies, especially over winter break."
Beth nodded brightly. "Me and my friends always liked goin' tubing, too. It was always fun."
He nodded. "Yep."
Silence for a few moments, and then, he finally spoke again, though Beth was blissfully unaware of, and unprepared for, just how his words, so innocent, would affect her.
"Before I got my insurance job, in addition to the hotel part-time, I also was a waiter two nights a week at a big fancy pizza place. It paid good money, and I enjoyed it. And you really got a lot of tips, too."
Oh…
Suddenly, without warning, she felt the hot tears pricking her eyes, and suddenly, for one moment, all she could see was her mother, smiling in her red apron and black dress, and Shawn in his own uniform…and the pain clenched her heart, and suddenly, for a moment she forgot to breathe, the unexpected memory hurt so much…
He had noticed, and had immediately stopped speaking, and she found he was looking at her, now, with the utmost concern…
Feeling self-conscious, she said, "I…I'm sorry. But…my momma also was a waitress part-time at a pizza place in town, and Shawn also worked there…"
Her vision finally blurred over, then, and she finally felt the hot tears fall over and run down her cheeks, and then stain her lap.
Hastily wiping her eyes, and growing more self-conscious that only more appeared, she whispered, "I…I'm sorry…but sometimes I…I just miss them so much…"
Her voice finally broke, then, and Beth couldn't help closing her eyes, if only to unsuccessfully try and stem the floods of tears that had seemed to build up inside her since their deaths…
Opening them, cheeks burning as she looked at him, she said, voice still quavering, "I…I'm sorry…"
And then, to her shock, he was standing up and coming over to her, and it all seemed like slow-motion to her…
Slowly, he knelt, right in front of her chair, and softly said, "Hey. I'm so sorry for mentionin' that, Beth…and you don't have to be sorry. Believe me. I'm so sorry for your losses. And I feel awful for makin' you cry…but it's nothin' to be ashamed of. If you need to cry, just cry. I won't judge you."
And Beth, staring at him, still noticed, above all, just how stricken he looked for her, and couldn't deny that his words were very soothing…
Trying to smile, she found she couldn't, and instead softly said, "No…no. You don't have to be sorry. You…you didn't know, Philip."
Slowly shaking her head, she whispered, "I…I'm so sorry…it's just…I…sometimes I forget that I won't ever see them again, and when I'm reminded of that, it…it just…"
But words finally failed her, and all she could manage was, "I just miss them. Sometimes I think it'll kill me, just how much."
Yet she couldn't help her face from crumpling once again, and her vision glazing over even more than before…
And then, she barely registered the sensation of him slowly moving closer to her and embracing her…his touch warm and soothing and gentle and just a little hesitant at first…and then she couldn't help but completely lose all control, feeling like a rag doll, her head burying itself, of its own accord, into his chest…
She did not know how long she sobbed, but as the, what seemed, years slowly passed, she couldn't deny just how safe and comforted she felt, just then, wonderfully wrapped in his arms…
His arms were warm, and his chest was warm and hard and soft all at once, and his heartbeat slow and steady…
She could still smell that familiar yet wonderful, soothing scent of ivory, and his warm hands were gently rubbing her back, and she could not help but take comfort in the contact, in the feel of him holding her, and simply cry all of her heartbreak and pain and sorrow out on his chest…
And, when at last, Beth's pain had finally begun to ease, she slowly pulled back, still feeling more comforted and safer than she had in months…
Or, at least, she attempted to.
To her further embarrassment, her mother's necklace had hooked onto the collar of his t-shirt, snagging, prohibiting her from moving away.
Her cheeks still wet, she couldn't help her cheeks from violently flaming, and said, "Oh gosh…I'm so sorry…"
Yet The Governor smiled at her, gently, and said, "It's more than alright, Beth. But god…you could have just told me you hated my shirt instead of tryin' to destroy it. You women are so devious."
She couldn't help laughing, then, just a little, and he gently reached between them and unhooked her mother's necklace, freeing her.
Yet…he soon returned his hand to her waist, and she soon realized that both of his warm hands were still gently holding her…and she could not help but linger on the very real feeling of him holding her…the wonderful, inexplicable feeling…
He was so close to her…and staring at him, suddenly, it was as though she was in a trance…
Her heart pounded, and her stomach felt like a swarm of angry insects was inside of it…
Beth could feel herself blushing, and somehow, everything else seemed to vanish.
Was it possible to never, ever have to move, and never have to leave his warm embrace, and simply stay like this forever…?
Her blush deepened, and then it deepened even more at her next thought.
Would he hold her this gently if they were making love?
Her heart stuttered at the thought, and yet, she still felt as though she were under some sort of spell, incapable of moving even if she wanted to.
And…oh, Heaven knew she did not want to…
Staring at him, for just one moment, she felt insane.
It would be so easy…so, so easy to just simply close the gap between them and put her mouth to his…to just step outside of her comfort zone and just kiss him, just like in all of the countless romance movies from the eighties and nineties she and her friends had always gushed over at sleepovers…to just forget the fact that she'd be embarrassed, forget the fact that she wouldn't even be able to look him in the eye properly afterward…
To just forget the fact that they would never, ever work…
It was this thought that brought her back to reality, though she still felt shaky, and she breathed in deep, her blush deepening.
Yet The Governor was still staring at her, concern on his face, and he gently asked, "Are you sure you're alright, Beth? I'm so sorry…I'm an ass."
Her heart still stuttering at his warmth, despite her discomfort, she smiled, and said, "Y…yes. I'm fine…I feel much better. Th…thank you, Philip."
He smiled just a little, sending another shock through her, but he still asked, "You sure? Because you can cry more, if you need to…I feel awful. And if you need to blow your nose or anythin' you can just use my shirt. I'd be honored to have you do that, Beth."
And, despite everything, Beth couldn't help laughing.
"That's disgustin' Philip…but also very sweet. But…thank you. I'm more than alright, now. And I….I do really feel much better. And I…please. You don't have to apologize. You didn't know…and I…last week I…I was thinkin' about the two of them, and I…I really didn't allow myself to cry. I guess this was just that comin' back to haunt me today…I…th…thank you. I…I feel so embarrassed…"
And he gently shook his head, still holding onto her, and said, "No. There's nothin' at all to be embarrassed over, Beth. Believe me."
Beth smiled, then, and then, he finally removed his hands from her.
And it struck her, just how cold and empty and unsafe she felt, without him embracing her…
Yet she shook herself, and then, to her further horror, noticed she had also left bright red lipstick on his white t-shirt as well.
Covering her mouth, her cheeks growing just as red, Beth said, "Oh goodness…I…I'm so sorry, Philip…your shirt…"
The Governor looked down, just then, and grinned a little, slowly shaking his head.
"It's nothin' to be sorry for, Beth. And I'd much rather have your lipstick on my shirt than Biter blood or guts. Believe me."
His smile grew as he looked at her, and she couldn't help finally smiling just a bit as well, despite her embarrassment.
And then, a far-off crack of thunder hit, and a sudden burst of cold wind hit outside, and Beth knew it was close to nightfall.
"I'll walk you out," he said, and Beth nodded, sniffing one more time, wiping the remnants of tears off of her cheeks.
Beth shivered as a rather icy blast of wind hit as they walked outside, and finally, they reached the gate.
The Governor turned to face her, then, and then, without warning, placed a warm hand on her arm.
Even through the sweater she had chosen that day, she could still feel the warmth, and she couldn't help but blush, still feeling supremely embarrassed at having cried.
"Are you sure you're alright Beth?" he asked softly. "Because you can kick me if you need to…I deserve it."
And Beth couldn't help but laugh again, her earlier sorrow completely forgotten.
"Oh…no. I am. I'm more than fine. Th…thank you, though."
He nodded, slowly, and a cold breeze blew his brown hair back. She shivered again.
Yet…staring at him…time seemed to stop, and for the oddest reason, Beth couldn't help but wonder if she was going crazy…
He was still looking at her…yet now, with, it seemed, that very same look in his eye that he always seemed to give her at fleeting moments…that very same one that always baffled her and confused her, and…that very same one that she could never understand…
And now…was she dreaming? Was she crazy…?
It…but, now, if she wasn't mistaken…and surely, she was…it…it almost looked like he wanted to kiss her…the look on his face so, so similar to the one that Jimmy had always given her…the look on his face nearly identical to whenever she had witnessed Rick looking at Lori before her death, and nearly identical to the look she'd always seen her father give her mother…that Glenn always gave Maggie…
But, surely, she was being crazy…she was delusional…she, Beth Greene, had finally lost her mind, after all this time from the apocalypse…she knew that as surely as she knew her own name…
But, slowly, something seemed to shift within The Governor, and he removed his hand, and it left her feeling a coldness she had never known to be afflicting her…
"I…I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head a little, and finally he looked back at her.
"I hope you have a safe trip back, and that you'll be alright, Beth. And I'll see you next week."
Beth nodded, shaking herself slightly as well, though still feeling odd…
"I…I will. And you too, Philip."
The Governor nodded, yet neither of them moved.
Another blast of cold wind hit, and rotten tree branches swayed against the gray skies, and, far off in the distance, another far-off rumble of thunder hit.
Yet that was not what startled Beth.
He was still looking at her, and then he softly said, "You…you don't need that, you know."
Beth, puzzled, said, "I…need what?"
Yet The Governor seemed to regret having spoken, though he still chose to continue.
"I…makeup. Not…not to be a creep, which I know I am, but…you look more than fine without it, Beth."
Silence, and then he said, "I'm sorry. I…I didn't mean it in that way…"
Beth could not help the sudden shock that bled through her stomach at his words, and for a few moments, she almost couldn't speak…
Yet finally, she shook herself.
"N…no," Beth softly said, still feeling disarmed. "You didn't…I…thank you. That's very sweet."
She could still see the regret on his face, but he nodded just a little, before finally opening the gate.
Beth still couldn't move, yet finally she did so, and The Governor inclined his head to her one final time.
"See you next week, Beth. And I hope you have a wonderful week."
Still feeling out of it, Beth gently nodded, and forced herself to smile.
"I will. And you have a nice week too, Philip."
Finally he smiled, just a little, as well, and then, too soon, the gate was between them, and Beth could only stare for a few moments.
And, the memory of his warm embrace was all she could feel the entire rest of the evening, the violent thunder and rain and lightening just outside the prison walls reduced to nothing.