AHH I am so so sorry guys! The only reason it took me so long to finally update this was because I was just making myself finally finish my last incomplete (non Walking Dead) fic, but now I finally did, so this story is my only priority/incomplete one from here on out! :) I was definitely wishing the whole time I was finishing my other I could update this one too, lol, but rest assured there will never be this long of a wait again! :)
Also a couple of things:
*From this point forward Philip won't be referred to as The Governor anymore. (You'll see why in the chapter)
*For those who will probably wonder who the heck I'm talking about, Rayna James and Deacon Claybourne are fictional characters from one of my OTHER favorite shows, Nashville. I just couldn't resist putting that in as a little nod/fun thing, and if you've never watched Nashville, I highly recommend it!
*Plus just picture David Morrissey/Philip and Charles Esten/Deacon on the same screen together...*Faints* :D
*AND I sincerely hope you guys like this chapter, even though parts of it really sort of suck, lol. And I hope it makes up for the wait.
The wind outside was rapidly picking up, and the sky flashed again with another brilliant burst of lightening.
Sitting in front of the crackling fire, Beth was grateful for the warmth, and that they were inside, away from the vicious storm that was fast approaching, as always happened lately, it seemed, and couldn't help laughing as they all waited.
Daryl was pacing, a happy smirk on his face, and he took another sip of whiskey from the bottle he was holding.
"I got some good ghost stories tonight…I do hope you'll all be able ta sleep."
Beth simply shook her head, still smiling, and said, "I'm shakin' in my boots, Dixon."
He laughed a little and took another sip, before throwing a bag of marshmallows at her.
"C'mon…you get first dibs. Start cookin' one already…you're too damn skinny, Beth."
Opening the bag, Beth smiled and said, "Oh, Daryl…you really do care about all of us!"
Daryl pointed at her, and shook his head. "Nah…I just pretend to."
Beth laughed again, shaking her head, and proceeded to layer her stick with marshmallows.
The air inside was still a little chilly from the other side, away from the fire, so she pulled her gray sweater tighter around her.
Soon, Sasha, Maggie and Glenn appeared, all bearing mugs, and Sasha plopped down beside her, handing Beth her own mug of hot chocolate.
"Refreshments have arrived!" Sasha sang, and Beth laughed again, as Maggie and Glenn went and sat across from them.
Daryl snorted. "You people…hot chocolate? Really? Amateurs…if ya want a real good drink to have a good time, ya need what I'm drinkin' right now. And hey…anyone want any? It's real good."
He gestured to all of them in turn, Beth last, holding the bottle out to her, and Beth couldn't help smiling at the offer.
"Really? Sure…I wouldn't mind a small taste," she said, but Maggie got up with a start.
Maggie had grown her hair out long to her shoulders, and had had the longer style for quite awhile, but had cut it short once again that day, and it once again was a short brown bob that ended just before her chin, as she'd always liked her hair before the apocalypse, and when they had been on the farm and first came to the prison.
"Daryl Dixon!" she said, coming closer to them. "Just what do you think you're doin' by corruptin' my baby sister with alcohol? She's too young for that…and Beth, you're too inexperienced with alcohol to have any…you'll just get sick. Not to mention you shouldn't be drinkin' at all!"
Beth simply shook her head, still able to smile at her sister's usual predictability.
"Don't worry, Maggie," she said. "I won't have any. You don't have to worry. I'm sorry."
Maggie smiled at her as well and said, "Don't be, Beth. The real one who should be sorry is this asshole right here," she said, glaring at Daryl and punching him on the arm, before going back to Glenn, who was laughing uproariously at the entire exchange.
"Damn, woman!" Daryl said, rubbing his arm. "Just let Beth have some. It's just alcohol. Ya keep the girl on a damn leash! She's not goin' to die from one sip. And not to mention, you are not fun…I don't envy Glenn one bit," he finished, laughing a little as Maggie's glare only deepened.
"Watch it, Dixon. Glenn's on my good side," she said, smirking a little at the long-haired hunter.
Maggie caught eyes with Beth and Sasha and smiled at them, and Beth laughed again.
"Ok, Greene," Daryl said, still smirking, but not before turning to Beth and Sasha and making a crazy signal to them.
"But man…actually this would probably taste good in hot chocolate…if ya want any in your cup, Beth, just let me know…I'm sure we'll be able to hide it from Maggie. And Glenn and Sasha…ya'll let me know if ya want any too. Maggie's not allowed to have any, though."
Again, Beth laughed, and said, "I sure will, Daryl. Such a tempting offer."
Everyone laughed at that, and then Daryl took another long swig.
"Speaking of drinking…Daryl, why are you even drinking, considering you have watch duty later tonight?" Sasha asked.
Daryl pointed to Rick, who was walking through, and said, "Because, my beautiful Sasha…at midnight, I'll be forced to be up all night on watch with that dumbass in the rain, and he'll want to cuddle. Not to mention, he'll be so scared the whole night…yep. It's just goin' to be one long drag."
Daryl smirked at Rick, and Rick shook his head, his dark green jacket glowing in the light from the fire.
"Daryl…I'm goin' to say this nicely…I would rather cuddle with Hershel than you."
"Goodness, Rick…stop it. You're making me blush."
They were all startled at the sound of Hershel's voice, then, and Daryl leaned his head back and completely lost it.
Hershel entered the room, then, and shocked them all at his next words.
"Though come to think of it, Rick…you're the only man here who I would gladly cuddle with and have massage my stump."
Hershel smirked gently, and for a moment, Beth couldn't even speak, nor could anyone else, it was so uncharacteristic of Hershel to make such crude jokes.
But eventually, they all did laugh, and now Daryl sank down to the floor, still holding the whiskey, the dark brown liquid swirling in the bottle, pounding the floor with his hand as he laughed, and Beth couldn't help closing her eyes and moaning, the mental images she was conjuring of Rick and her father just then were so disturbing.
"Oh, Daddy…please," she managed in between laughs, "never say anythin' like that ever again!"
Hershel smiled at her affectionately, and said, "Oh, Bethie…I'm sorry. And you look so pretty tonight. You should sing sometime for all of us next time we have a fire…I haven't heard you sing in ages."
Beth couldn't help but blush at her father's compliment, and said, "Oh, Daddy…no I don't. And sure I will, sometime."
Sasha said, "Beth…yes you do! You're gorgeous!"
"Seconded," Maggie said, and Beth smiled gratefully at both of them, glad she had two older sisters that she loved so much. True, of course Sasha wasn't her real sister…but Beth more than considered her a second sister.
"Aw shucks you guys," she said, joking, and Maggie held up two bags of miniature doughnuts, examining them, before throwing one over to Beth and Sasha.
"You guys get the powdered ones…me and Glenn here get the chocolate ones. Sorry."
"Alright, score!" Sasha said, and Beth agreed, nodding her head.
And then Maggie looked at Daryl, who was now lying on his back on the floor, still drinking whiskey, and made a disgusted face.
"I do hope you're goin' to get up, Daryl, once everyone else gets in here," she said, and Daryl shrugged.
"Maybe you'll all have to deal with me tellin' ghost stories on the floor, Maggie. I haven't decided yet."
Maggie only shook her head, before taking out a doughnut and throwing it on his chest.
"I pity you, Dixon," she said, and Daryl only smirked at her.
"But anyway…we have better things than whiskey to put in our hot cocoa, right girls? We have sugar and cinnamon."
Beth smiled, and clapped her hands. "Oh! We get the cinnamon!"
Maggie frowned a little, before throwing the bag over to Beth. She caught it, and Sasha high-fived her.
"Man…I wanted the cinnamon. Ah, well…at least me and Glenn have the Cheetos!"
Glenn grinned, and said, "Alright! If I can't have whiskey in my hot chocolate, at least I get this!"
"There's my man, Glenn," Daryl said, stuffing the doughnut into his mouth.
"But don't worry," Glenn mouthed to Beth. "I'll sneak you guys some."
Beth laughed, and winked at him, before mouthing back, "Thank you, Glenn. You're the best."
Glenn grinned at her, before opening the bag.
Rick shook his head, still smiling, and then left, but not before gently squeezing Beth's shoulder.
"Hey. Save me a seat for when I get back in here," he said, smiling at her, and Beth nodded.
"Of course, Rick," she said, smiling. "I'd be honored to." Rick nodded at her, his smile growing, before leaving.
"You're the best, Beth."
Beth grinned a little at him, and then once he had left, they all lost it again as Maggie dumped some sugar all over Daryl
Now everyone was seated inside, listening to Daryl's voice, and as more thunder boomed outside, Beth couldn't help but jump, though Rick and Sasha and now Bob, who were all sitting beside her, laughed, though kindly.
Rick, sitting on her left, whispered, "You ok?"
Beth nodded, smiling. "Yep," she said, and he patted her arm before getting up and getting more marshmallows for himself.
Beth also smiled at Patrick, across the room, and he shyly smiled back before waving, and Beth made a mental note to go and talk to him after the festivities for the evening were over.
Beside him sat Carl, scowling as usual, and it was clear Rick had had to force him to attend.
But gradually, Beth returned her attention to her stick, turning it in her hands, still listening.
She looked up, though, and saw Maggie and Glenn kiss, Maggie laughing quietly beforehand.
And then…suddenly it was as though Beth had gone deaf, all noise completely vanishing, and she was a million miles away from here…
Now…now she was on Philip's warm lap, out in the middle of nowhere as the freezing nighttime winds whipped around them as they sat, the fire now completely burned out, and he was gently massaging her cheek, his warmth heaven as he only gently pulled her closer to him…
And then Beth still managed to feel real butterflies in her stomach as, in her vision, he leaned forward and kissed her.
Beth shook her head, blushing, and the vision vanished, but she still felt flustered and disarmed.
But as always, her thoughts wandered back to him…she hoped he was warm tonight, and safe.
Thinking of Philip more, Beth realized that she no longer referred to him as The Governor anymore, in her head…nor saw him as The Governor anymore. No… Now, he was just, simply, Philip to her. And somehow it felt natural, rather than alarming or strange, as she knew it would have early on.
And as she only thought more of him, Beth's heart hurt even more for him as she dwelled on the thought that he was all alone, nearly every waking moment of his life…and she only hoped he wasn't hurting tonight, over some unknown thing, like perhaps Penny, or missing his wife. Or thinking of and being consumed by the guilt Beth instinctively knew that Philip always no doubt felt every night, thinking of everything he had done.
Her heart throbbed, and she could not deny that she was anxious to see him, and could only hope he would be well when she saw him this week.
Beth's cheeks still burned as she remembered the feeling of his warm embrace from last week, and just how wonderful it had felt being in his arms…and how sweet he had been when he had comforted her…and as she remembered how she had made a complete and utter fool of herself by crying in front of him…but she shook herself.
Gradually, sound returned, and she made herself focus on the applause from everybody else, sans Carl of course, before Daryl launched into his next story.
But…another clap of thunder boomed, and before Daryl began, Beth looked over to the dark doorway, the shadows looming, and for just one moment, she saw Philip standing there, staring at her, one hand raised in gentle greeting, and she felt a sharp jolt in her stomach.
Beth made herself blink, and when she looked back, nobody at all was there in the doorway, and she made herself concentrate on Daryl's stories once more.
But the entire rest of the campfire, the jolt in her stomach never faded.
Beth couldn't help but start, jolted out of her sleep, at the sound of a loud crash, almost as though a door had been slammed.
Flustered, she got up from her cot, shivering at the loss of her blankets, as only another violent flash of lightening hit.
Beth shook herself, making herself awaken as quickly as she possibly could, pulling herself from disembodied hazes of her dreams…his mouth on hers, tender and loving…his touch, gentle and soothing…and somewhere in there, that familiar rotted face and the taunt that terrified her to no end…
Beth blushed, and concentrated…no, now there was more noise. She was sure of it…
She pulled her gray sweater tighter around herself and walked out into the hall.
"You can't deny it!"
Somehow, though, she was able to completely ignore the familiar taunt…
Her stomach pooled in complete dread at the sound of Rick's voice, fierce and low.
"We'll pull 'em in the meetin' room," he said, and she heard Daryl grunt.
And now, she heard laughter…and the sound of it chilled her to her very core.
The man's voice was deep and unfamiliar.
"Shut up!" Rick snarled, and she heard the harsh, bruising punch of flesh upon flesh.
Rick spoke once again. "I'll tie 'em up…you go get everyone else. This is a Council matter."
Beth stood, frozen, afraid to look around the wall; afraid to go to where Rick and Daryl were.
So she did the only thing she knew she still could, and ran back to her cell.
She sat on her cot, and heard more dragging, more delirious laughter, more swears from Rick…
Gradually, soon she heard Glenn's voice…Maggie's…her daddy's…and she finally made herself get up and go to the meeting room.
Shakily, Beth walked, her heart in her throat.
Everyone was huddled inside the gray, small room, and as she reached the door, Maggie stood up, glaring at her.
"No, Beth! Go back to bed!" she said, her voice fierce and her tone hard.
Yet Beth was grateful at the sound of Rick's voice.
"No, Maggie…let her stay. Beth is more than old enough."
Gratefully, Beth silently acknowledged Rick's welcome words, though she could not bring herself to smile.
"Here," Rick said softly. "Come in, Beth, and please…shut the door. I don't want any kids wakin' up and hearin' this."
Beth did so, her stomach in knots. And immediately upon entering the enclosed, chilly room, the door clanging behind her, she wanted to run out.
Rick and Daryl were drenched from the rain, mud on their persons as well, but that was not what made the room so strange…
Her blood curdled at the sight that was before her.
Two men, slender and looking as though they were in their late fifties, were in the room with them, sitting at the table. On closer inspection, it was clear they were identical twins.
They were both chained and tied, and both had long, wavy brown hair that reached their shoulders, and beards.
They also, strangely, both wore no shirts…only tattered cutoffs, and both were deathly skinny, as though they had not eaten properly in months…almost as though they had been prisoners somewhere. Their bodies were covered in mud and water.
But what struck her most of all, and what made them most scary, was the strange markings on their bodies…frightening skull images, crossbones, and what looked like blood stains, all carved into their skin…it was almost as though they were in some sort of a cult.
Beth let out a breath she had not known she was holding, and sat down at the table, barely feeling the cold metal of the chair beneath her.
It was clear, though, that there was something wrong with one of them…he simply was laughing to himself, almost as though he was crazy…and truthfully, Beth thought, he certainly looked it…
But the other man…his brother…he was sitting directly across the long table from her, and looked arrogant and proud that they had been caught, and it was clear that of the two brothers, he was the one to fear.
He caught her eyes, and smirked coldly at her, his gaze both alert and strong, and Beth fought to suppress a shudder…It was almost as though he knew her…knew absolutely everything about a person by simply looking at them, and it chilled her to her very bones.
Rick spoke, then, saving her from having to look at the man further.
Walking close to him, putting his gun close to the man's head, he spoke.
"I'll start…what in the hell were you two bastards doin' outside of our place?"
The man laughed, and simply gazed at Rick.
"As I told you outside…we were simply goin' back to our camp. We didn't know anyone was here, and we were just plannin' on stayin' the night…we assure you. We want to get back."
Rick simply stared, not speaking, his expression skeptical.
"Uh huh. Enlighten us…what camp are you two from?"
The strange man laughed again, and said, "Our camp, way north of here, in the hills…The Black Forest. It's a camp unlike any other…and only the elite can join…His loyal subjects only can."
Rick spoke again. "You mean God? Jesus? You two don't look very religious."
Again, the long-haired man smirked, and Beth felt as though her blood had run cold again.
"No…Satan. The Devil. We…all of us…we worship him, and since the end of the world has finally come, Satan alone will save all of us…and we will be able to rule the world, as we were unable to before all of this…our leader speaks to him every night, and our leader alone has the power to act on his behalf."
All of them were silent, and Beth in particular glanced at Hershel. His face was impassive, though his eyes betrayed his worry.
It sounded ungodly frightening to Beth, but the more she thought of it the more it made sense that there would be people like that…especially now. But an entire group of devil worshippers…an entire group of dangerous, insane people in an evil cult? That sounded immensely terrifying…
Rick spoke again. "So your leader has the power to talk to the Devil, huh? I'm not sure I'm buyin' this."
Now the man's expression turned hard, and Beth couldn't help but widen her eyes, afraid for Rick. Though she knew it was foolish, considering the man was chained…but the hatred he bore was unsettling.
But as quickly as it had come, the man's hatred vanished, and he smirked again. His teeth showed this time, yellow and square.
"Yes…and oh…you are all nonbelievers. You all would be our human sacrifices…we have them every night."
Now Beth had to fight to not vomit, and simply bit her lip, feeling herself grow even colder…
Rick simply shook his head, and he said, "So you murder innocent people, all to satisfy an evil entity? How sick are all of you? But I'd tell us everythin' about your little camp…The Black Forest…and how you came to be outside our walls tonight. Your life depends on it."
The man threw his head back then, and laughed, loudly, and now his brother's expression grew even more childishly gleeful…he laughed, and even clapped his hands, and Daryl made a disgusted face.
"Is your brother ever gonna shut up? I'm about ready to knock 'im out."
The first man sat upright again, and smiled once again, growing silent.
Turning to his brother, he said, "Be quiet, please. These people need to know everythin' about us."
The other man's laughter stopped, then, and then the first man finally spoke, looking at each of them in turn as he told them all about where he and his brother were from.
"Our camp is deep in the forest, as you can deduce from the name…real skeletons from our victims are strung up all through the camp, and on the trees, and human bones…"
Beth felt tears coming to her eyes, now.
"And every night, we bathe ourselves in Creature's blood and dance in front of the fire, as we kill an innocent to get more power and good fortune from Satan…our leader has no given name, and wears a white sheet…he has scars and burns all over his face…from nonbelievers from before all this…and we do not take outsiders in, except in rare cases. No…in order to join us, you have to be a believer in Satan, and completely devote yourself to him…and if you mean us harm, we have a way to prove it."
Rick spoke, dryly. "And what's that?"
Again, he smirked. "Anyone we do kidnap who is not killed right away must spend the entire night in a tent with a Creature, with no weapons and no restraints on the Creature…how badly they are marked the next day determines in what order they will be killed…or how they will be used in the camp for rituals…and how well they may manage to fight off the Creature, even kill it…determines what sort of torture they'll be used for."
Rick spoke again. "Well how in the hell did you get outside our walls, if life is so good in your precious Black Forest?"
The man scooted his chair back. "My brother and me were kidnapped…we don't know how the people of Terminus found us…we were miles and miles away from this place…doin' our recruitin'…"
Rick interrupted. "Recruitin'…my ass. You mean kidnappin' innocent people to be your group's sacrifices…"
Here the man grinned, now, evilly, and Beth could only stare, it honestly hitting her just how evil the world had become with the apocalypse…
The man lifted his chained hands and clapped, slowly, and the sound echoed in the silent room.
The candles on the table flickered, and Beth couldn't help glancing around at everyone else.
Hershel looked troubled, Maggie angry, Glenn serious, Carol weary, Sasha and Tyreese and Bob all in disbelief…
But the man spoke again, and Beth couldn't help flitting her eyes back to him.
"You're a smart man. And yes…to be our sacrifices. And we suppose the attack wasn't unexpected, considerin' we had kidnapped some of the people from Terminus before. We're guessin' it was payback."
He continued, and Beth again felt nauseous…
"Anyway…we fought our way out, killin' a bunch of them, and we've been runnin' through the woods ever since…we must have been on the run for three weeks now."
Rick spoke again. "Well we did take your guns, so it was clear you have been for awhile. But somehow, I can't help but be skeptical that you two weren't stakin' us out…"
The man shook his head. "It was an honest stroke of luck to happen upon this place, I assure you."
Rick glanced at Daryl, above the two man's heads, and it was clear to Beth that both believed him.
Oddly, she did too, though he made her more than uncomfortable.
Rick spoke again. "What are you to your camp? Why are you so important…bein' a famed recruiter?"
The man grinned again. "You're mockin' me…but I'm our secret weapon. I have a gift, you see…I can tell things about folks right from the get go…and I can divulge only more information about them by spendin' more time with them without their knowledge. It's always been a talent of mine."
Clearly Daryl was skeptical, as he spoke sarcastically.
"A gift, huh? Yeah…ya look real special."
The man turned to Daryl, and smirked again, laughing coldly.
"Now that he's gone, you're more cynical…I see a figure, attached to you…he had one hand. Was he your brother?"
It was as though the air had completely gone out of the room, and Beth felt her heart stop.
Looking around, everyone else seemed just as shocked.
Daryl's eyes widened, and for a moment, even he was speechless. But then he recovered, and swore angrily, though he still looked beyond shaken.
"You shut your mouth! Don't ya dare mention him to me ever again!"
The man laughed, and then turned to Rick.
"I see figures attached to you, too…A boy, with brown hair…and a little girl…your children?"
Again, everyone was silent, and Rick too seemed shocked…
But the man continued. "And a woman…long dark hair…slender…maybe your wife? She betrayed you. You miss her."
Something vanished in Rick's wide blue eyes, and it seemed as though he had lost the ability to speak.
Beth gulped, and now it was as though everyone had lost the ability to even breathe, the room was so quiet…
Here the man smirked once more…honestly, it seemed that was all he ever did…and silently looked at all of them, one by one.
Beth couldn't stop herself from shaking…but then couldn't help silently praying when, to her shock, the mysterious man's eyes locked onto her…
His smirk widened. "Hello, beautiful. Oh…you're all interestin'…but I'd say you're the most interestin' one of the bunch, sweetheart."
Beth bit her lip, her stomach in knots, near tears…
She was sure whatever he had to say to her would not be good.
He slowly shook his head. "God…I can smell him all over you."
His smirk deepened, and he wolf-whistled seductively.
Beth felt her face warm even as the rest of her body went cold and numb, and she felt tears prick her eyes.
The man chuckled darkly, and then said, "But oh…sweetheart. It's nothin' to be embarrassed about to admit what you feel for him; how you ache for him in your heart! And I'd do it soon; before it's too late…he could be dead any day now. You could. We all could!"
Beth sat, silently feeling her sanity begin to slip away from her in that moment…
She was frozen, and couldn't move, and now, again, the feel of Philip's warm embrace from last week was all she could feel…and the ready hiss and taunt all she could hear…
"You can't deny it! You can't deny it!"
She shook herself, and bit her lip. Everyone was staring at her, and oh goodness…
If he described him…even just a little bit…she was done for…
She didn't think she'd ever been this afraid in all her life…and she stammered in her reply.
"I…I have no idea what you're talkin' about," she said softly, a tear finally rolling down her cheek, hoping her reply would fool him.
True…the two men certainly were evil…but the main brother, despite his evil nature, truly had been scarily accurate in his "readings" of Rick and Daryl…and it was clear he was intelligent, and someone to be feared, and, indeed, someone that had not lied yet that night.
The man's smirk widened, and now Rick seemed to have recovered.
He cocked his gun, pushing it closer to the man's head.
"Knock it off. You're scarin' Beth."
But now the man took on a mock soothing expression, and he spoke again, only to Beth.
"Oh, sweetheart. I wouldn't do that to you…I wouldn't describe him. But remember my words…I'd do it soon, before it's too late…"
Here, Rick finally punched him, and the blood collecting on the man's mouth did nothing to stop him from speaking.
He laughed again, evilly, and said, "When we return to our camp…you'll all be our next victims…"
But Rick finally punched him again, hard in the head, and the man finally slumped over, unconscious.
Beth could only stare, only more tears falling down her cheeks, and looking around, nobody seemed suspicious…
Hershel gave her a sad smile, and said, "There's nothing to be worried about, Bethie. He was as insane as could be."
Beth couldn't even smile, and the relief she felt was as nothing compared to her terror, as she thought of everything the man and the camp he and his brother had hailed from stood for.
Daryl knocked the brother out, too, and eventually, the meeting disbanded.
But not even a soothing hug from her father, a quick embrace from Maggie, and Sasha saying it would be all right did a thing to allay Beth's fears.
It was clear everyone else had been affected and shaken deeply, too, though.
And, later that evening, Beth covered her ears, and made herself pretend she couldn't hear the dreadful sounds of Rick and Daryl dragging the two men outside…she made herself pretend she couldn't hear Rick's gun as he killed both of the men…and she made herself pretend the encounter had not happened.
But it was in vain.
More tears fell, and Beth simply felt herself shaking, even through all of her blankets.
The world was truly such a terrible, evil place now…and there were such immoral people that lived. And somehow, Beth did not feel safe, as she usually did in the prison…
No. They were all intensely vulnerable, even as big of a group as they were, and Beth regretted, even more, having gone to the Council meeting…
And…as she cried…
Was there something wrong with her that the only way she knew she could possibly feel safe in this moment would be wrapped in Philip's warm, safe arms? As she had been last week?
Beth did not know, but thinking of him again, the need to have him hold her was strong…and she couldn't understand it, though somehow she knew she did.
Again, she heard the hiss, and it was hours before she was finally able to fall back asleep.
"You can't deny it!"
The next day was uneasy and gray. Rick and the others had wasted no time scouring miles and miles away from the prison, leaving early in the morning and returning late at night.
Rick spoke.
"They were tellin' the truth. It was just luck…they stumbled upon this place by accident. But just to be sure, we're goin' to go out the entire rest of the week to be sure. We found no trace of their camp…we have nothin' to worry about."
Beth bit her lip, the words relieving to her, despite her worry.
Somehow she knew she could breathe again…though she was still ungodly unsettled by what had transpired.
And, if even possible…more so than the man's details about their horrific, far-off camp…the man's words to her had affected her the most…
"But oh…sweetheart. It's nothin' to be embarrassed about to admit what you feel for him; how you ache for him in your heart! And I'd do it soon; before it's too late…he could be dead any day now. You could. We all could!"
The words hit her right in her gut, and thinking of Philip again, she couldn't help but jerk a little.
The entire rest of the evening, the words rang and rang throughout her head, and Beth's only reprieve from them was sleep.
The rest of the week, it was strangely easy to forget the unsettling encounter, and to push it further out of her mind with every normal, enjoyable activity she did every day, and even more so every day when, every night, Rick and the others would return after having traveled all day looking for any possible suspicious activity, as well as around the prison grounds.
Yes, they truly were safe, and for that Beth was more than grateful and relieved.
Her supply run day came faster than she had even expected, and again, before she left, as always, it seemed, she couldn't help from locking her knees as she fiddled with her appearance in the mirror, the familiar angry butterflies attacking her stomach. She brushed some imaginary lint off of her mint-green lace long-sleeve shirt, and smoothed down her jeans, hoping the action would distract her from her nerves, but to no avail.
And, as always, she couldn't help but worry profusely about his well-being, and whatever state he could be in once she arrived.
Beth simply adjusted her mother's necklace, the silver glinting in the reflection off of the mirror, the mirror almost seeming to wink knowingly at her.
Beth simply bit her lip, and breathed in deep before leaving.
As she walked to his apartment, the familiar butterflies wreaking their mean, too-familiar havoc on her insides were simply awful.
Truthfully, Beth thought, if the butterflies flying furiously in her stomach had been literal butterflies, Beth would not even be surprised if Philip would ever bring them up in conversation, she had to imagine the sound of the millions of pairs of wings would be so embarrassingly loud and noticeable every single week in his presence…
She blushed again, but shook herself.
Her steps were silent, and she made herself concentrate on her white sneakers, hoping it would distract her, before she was finally at his door.
And, before she could bring herself to knock, she couldn't help praying that he would be alive and unhurt…healthy and…
But she was startled as, without warning, she heard his voice behind her.
And just at the sound, her cheeks warmed; but Beth still made herself turn, trying to ignore it.
"Hey," he said softly, putting his gun back on his belt, and she was reminded of one of their visits, weeks back, when he had done this very same thing.
But he had been wearing a white dress-shirt and black pants then.
Inwardly she shook herself, honestly feeling ridiculous that she even had remembered that…
But, at the sight of him before her, again, thankfully alive and well, her cheeks grew even hotter, even as a vivid surge of relief sank through her entire body.
Today he was wearing black pants and a navy-blue t-shirt, and she couldn't help but notice, as she continued to look at him, just how concerned he looked for her…
Beth's blush grew even more, to her further embarrassment.
Philip spoke again, as a gentle breeze hit, blowing his soft brown hair back.
"Hey again," he said, rather awkwardly.
"How've you been, Beth? And god…I…I do hope you're feelin' okay from last week…I feel awful that I made you cry…you honestly can still kick me if you need to. I deserve it."
Beth's heart stopped, even as her insides melted to goo, and again, she felt herself blush, as she remembered the feeling of his warm arms from last week…
Now her heart stuttered, and Beth felt her face would surely melt soon, but she smiled, touched at his sweetness.
"Oh, Philip…it's all right. Truly. You…you didn't know. And you didn't do anythin' wrong from mentionin' you used to work where you did…you didn't know. It's more than alright."
On rather weak legs, she realized, she tentatively walked over to him and gently squeezed his arm.
And at the contact, at the feel of his warm, slender bare arm beneath her fingers, again her heart stuttered, at the feel of just how much power and strength he possessed…at the feel of him…
She removed her hand, then, and looked at him, and slowly he nodded.
"Alright. But really, it's more than okay if you want to hit me or somethin' like that; I more than deserve it."
He smiled, then, though she knew he was entirely serious, and Beth couldn't help laughing, shaking her head.
"Oh, Philip. I don't want to hit you…but oh…if you insist, maybe I'll do it before I leave."
Here Philip slowly shook his head, looking at her the whole while, his blue gaze almost seeming to burn into her, and here Beth felt a little shell-shocked at the intensity, and as she focused on his smile.
"No you won't, Beth. You're far too kind to ever hurt anybody…even me…and how you don't even want to harm me will forever be beyond my realm of understanding."
Silence fell, Beth not even knowing what to say, before he cleared his throat.
"So…come in, please," he said, gesturing with his hand.
Her attention was caught, however, by the new bloodied bandage on his right hand, the blood absolutely saturating the entire palm portion of his bandage, as well as the angry black bruises she saw on his knuckles…
They looked fresh…
Beth heard his voice, continuing to speak; but even as she processed the words, they were as nothing to her…
"And by the way if I'm ever not here on time, like today, you can just walk in…I won't mind…"
Her brow furrowed in concern and sympathy…the bruises looked so painful…
This was the same hand she had bandaged on her very first visit to him. And, she knew, his hand had healed perfectly since then…
But these new, fresh injuries looked even more terrible than before, and she couldn't help noticing just how raw the wound looked…
Goodness…only glass could produce such a deep cut, and so much blood…
And truly, Beth thought there were likely multiple cuts on his palm…or…even worse…possibly he had torn all of the skin off of it…
Beth had seen many injuries in her years of helping her father in his veterinary practice, and many at the prison when she had treated and cared for people before…mostly clumsy children…but why was it that the sight of this wound scared her more than any of the others, she felt so concerned as to how he had gotten it?
This could not be a mere accident…that she knew. Maybe part of it was…but if she was being quite honest, it almost looked self-inflicted, and had her daddy been beside her, she knew he would have agreed with her.
Too late, he noticed where her glance had fallen, and made to put the hand behind his back.
"I'm sorry you had to see that," he said. "Don't worry about it…it's fine…nothin' to be concerned about."
Philip simply stared at her… still seemingly unworried about the incredibly painful looking injuries to his hand, but Beth couldn't help but finally speak.
"Ph…Philip? How…oh goodness…what happened? I…I can take a look at that for you…oh, it looks awful…."
But he gently shook his head again, smiling gently.
"Beth, no. That's very sweet of you, but I'm more than fine. Really."
Beth bit her lip. He surely was in severe physical pain…that she knew for certain. But though that concerned her greatly, she also wanted to know just what had happened…
Timidly she spoke again, alarm bells ringing in her head.
He had thought she would not have noticed…that she knew for certain as well.
"Philip? Please…be honest with me? How…how did your hand get hurt?"
Philip's smile fell, and he slowly shook his head.
Was she imagining the slight whitening of his face?
But though she knew she hadn't, he seemed to re-gain his composure quickly, and Beth had to hand it to him…he masked his emotions well. Almost too well…
"Oh…it's nothin'…I was just killin' Biters this mornin'…that's all. It's really nothin' to be concerned about. Really."
Still he stared at her, and Beth could do nothing but think.
Killing Walkers…that had been his excuse on the day of their very first meeting as well. And Beth knew as surely as she knew her own name that punching a tree in the process of killing one of them truly had been the culprit then…
But this time…no. Beth knew that he was lying, and hated the sinking feeling in her gut that told her so.
But Beth also knew that if he did not want to tell her the truth…he wouldn't…and she had no right to force him.
And honestly, a larger part of her thought he probably hated that she had even seen it…and thereby possibly discovered a dark secret of his that he didn't want anyone at all to know…
But she made herself avert her eyes, despite how sick and pained for him she felt just then, and made herself focus on his face.
Beth made herself smile.
"Al…alright. If you're sure."
Thankfully, Philip smiled at her, just a little, and despite her concern, her heart leaped, and soon enough, she was following him inside.
He shut the door, and like always, Beth sat.
The air outside was bordering on morbidly humid today, though it was cloudy, and though it was still warm in his apartment, it was still far cooler than the outdoors.
"Just wait one minute," he said, smiling a little, and Beth couldn't help laughing as he went over to the red bag situated beneath the window and withdrew water, as usual.
Though Beth still felt her smile fall just a little as she focused on the injuries to his hand as he handed it to her after coming over, but she shook herself, forcing her worry down.
"Thank you," she said softly, taking it from him, and his gentle smile grew.
"Honestly though, if you're hungry I could make you some soup or somethin; I wouldn't mind. I hope I don't offend you, Beth, and I sincerely hope I don't hurt your feelings by sayin' this, but you…you really could stand to eat more."
Beth felt her cheeks warm at his words, but knew he had not meant it in a mean way at all.
Philip paused, then, and then said, "I…I really hope I didn't hurt your feelings…you look more than fine, but it's a little worrying how thin you look."
Beth felt her cheeks warm even further, but she couldn't help laughing a little at his sweetness.
Beth spoke. "Philip…oh…that's very sweet, but I'm okay. And don't worry…I'm not offended at all. I know you didn't mean it as an insult."
Philip smiled a little, then, and said, "Are you sure you don't want any food? You won't be rude, Beth…"
Beth laughed again. "Oh no; I'm more than fine. Though I do wish restaurants still existed…I have no shame in admittin' how much I'd gladly eat at Olive Garden right now. Well…maybe a little."
His smile grew, and he sat down. "That was a good restaurant, too. And you and me both."
Beth smiled as she uncapped her water, and then he spoke.
"So…how was your week?" he asked quietly, but at the words, she was again reminded of the unsettling incident, and she felt her face whiten.
Clearly Philip had noticed, for his expression instantly showed concern for her.
"Hey…are you all right, Beth?" he asked, and Beth simply spoke.
"T…truly…I'm still a little unsettled by what happened, but…oh…it's…it's nothin' really…"
Beth tried to smile, but once she did, she knew it didn't reach her eyes.
"It's clearly more than nothing," he said softly.
Silence fell as she looked at him, and then he spoke again.
"I completely understand if you don't want to tell me if it's somethin' personal, but I do truly hope you'll feel better soon, whatever it is, Beth."
His gentle sincerity sunk down beneath Beth's skin, and despite herself, somehow she did want to tell him…true, reliving it would be awful, but it would make her feel better in the long run.
So, breathing in deep, Beth finally spoke.
"I…just earlier in the week…Rick and Daryl were on watch, and…there were these two terrifyin' guys outside…they were identical twins, and from an awful place…this camp called The Black Forest, and apparently it's a cult full of…of devil worshippers…oh, it sounded awful. T…just their descriptions, and…apparently they'd been kidnapped as revenge by the people of Terminus when they were on the road tryin' to kidnap innocent people to…to be their group's human sacrifices…and…oh…it was awful. They…they found our place by accident; we know that for sure, but…one of the brothers…he…he had a terrifyin' gift…he…he just knew things about complete strangers by simply lookin' at them…just…just general things, like people close to them and physical descriptions…and…and general feelings, but…oh it…it was awful. They're both dead now, thank goodness, but…it…it shook all of us up."
Looking at him, Philip slowly shook his head, his shock and concern showing.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Beth," he said softly.
Beth smiled a little. "It's…it's all right," she said softly.
She took a sip of water, and he spoke again.
"No it's not, and I'm so sorry again, Beth. But you're truly safe there with your whole family. Don't ever forget that."
Somehow his words truly did make her feel better, and she smiled again, though faintly.
"I'm not so sure, but…I…oh, I know I am. It's…it's just…it was truly awful hearin' about such an awful place and such evil people…and it…it just truly hits you how dangerous the world is now."
Philip nodded. "I know I'm one to talk, and in no position to say this, but…yes. This is the time when all the psychos come out…the law doesn't exist anymore."
Beth nodded. "Yes," she said softly. "But you're truly far above those two men…and not like they were at all…or their camp. Believe me, Philip."
Looking at him, as usual, she saw his face betray his disbelief at her words, but he slowly shook his head.
"Thank you, Beth," he said softly, "but you're wrong."
But before she could gently, kindly protest and try to convince him otherwise, he continued.
"But their camp…did they say where it was? That sounds more than dangerous."
Beth nodded, her brows furrowing as she remembered.
"Way north of here, up in the hills…we all estimated it's probably hundreds of miles away from the prison, and then by foot…thankfully we have nothin' to fear. Honestly they would have been lucky to make it back."
Philip simply nodded. "Well that's a relief to hear. And you're right. They honestly would have."
Silence fell again, and for a few moments, neither spoke.
Looking at Philip, though, he seemed as far-off in thoughts as she was, and Beth knew they both were thinking of the camp, and just how awful the world had truly become.
But soon, Philip cleared his throat and tousled his hair.
"So…aside from that…and I'm so sorry again…did you have a good week? I hope you did, Beth. Truly."
Beth nodded, and couldn't help but smile, glad to shove all of the unwelcome fears and unpleasant feelings thinking of the incident transpired out of her mind.
"Yes…I truly did. Did you have a good week? I hope so."
Philip smiled a little. "Yes. And I've actually been pretty lucky food-wise…I've basically been livin' on soup, oatmeal, cookies and potatoes this past week so my food was pretty good."
Beth couldn't help laughing. "Hopefully more soup, oatmeal, and potatoes than cookies."
Philip laughed a little. "Well, I hate to disappoint you, Beth, but…I have most definitely eaten more cookies than oatmeal this past week."
Beth laughed again, shaking her head. "Oh…so unhealthy…but hey. You definitely can't tell," she said, noticing, for what seemed the thousandth time, just how slender and fit he was.
But she also couldn't stop a tide of worry for him…she hoped he always had enough to eat as well.
Speaking softly, her good mood evaporating, she said, "I do hope you always have enough to eat, though. Do you?"
Philip slowly shook his head. "I do. You don't need to worry about me, Beth. Believe me."
The answer appeased her worry, though she also knew that he likely could have been lying, if only to not worry or upset her…
But she made herself ignore her worries concerning his well-being, though it was rather difficult, and concentrate on their conversation.
"Other than that, though, my week's been good. Quiet, as usual."
Beth nodded. "Well that's wonderful to hear," she said.
A quick pause, fell, then, and then she said, "Have you been stargazin' a lot lately? I know you told me you do that a lot."
Philip nodded, tousling his brown hair as he smiled. "Yeah, I have a lot this past week, luckily. But the universe these last few days probably just knows I like to do it, so sent rain instead just so I couldn't."
Beth smiled a little, laughing. "I hear you. The storms really have been awful. We're lucky, though; there's always somethin' to do. We actually had another bonfire the…the night of the incident," she said, speaking a little solemnly as her thoughts were once again pulled back to it, "and it was fun."
He nodded. "I bet. But don't ever worry; eat as much junk food at those things as you can, Beth. You don't need to worry. I don't want to be rude, again, but…you need it."
Beth couldn't keep her shy smile from growing at his words, even as her blush deepened.
She also was beyond touched at his worrying of upsetting her.
"Oh I do; believe me. I have a particular weakness for marshmallows and chocolate," she said, admitting it with just a bit of shyness, her cheeks coloring.
"And oh goodness…last week we had doughnuts, and Cheetos…it was fantastic," she said, laughing a little, her blush only deepening, to her further embarrassment.
Philip laughed a little, shaking his head. "You don't need to be ashamed, Beth. Believe me…I can guarantee you that if we compared your occasional junk food consumption at the bonfires to my regular diet before this when I was fresh out of college, you would not worry at all."
Beth laughed again. "Oh I do remember you tellin' me how bad your diet was; care to enlighten me further?"
He slowly shook his head, still smiling. "You would just get disgusted. But if you really want me to, I will."
Beth nodded. "I don't think anythin' could faze me, Philip, considerin' you already told me the worst of it…somethin' involving eating so much fast food it'd feed a small village in Africa?"
He laughed. "Right you are."
Beth laughed as well. "And you know…I'm more than used to it. Shawn in particular was awful with his eatin' habits. And I doubt you ever put mustard on ice cream like he did. And I'm serious about that!"
She couldn't help shuddering a little as she remembered Shawn's trying to convince her it was delicious, still laughing.
Philip laughed. "Oh god…that would have been a challenge even for me," he said, slowly shaking his head. "Your brother was a brave man."
Beth nodded, smiling a little.
He spoke again, slowly shaking his head, smiling just a little. "Well suffice it to say that I ate out four days a week out of seven, and more often than not I'd get chicken wings, or Chinese, or Italian or Mexican. And ice cream was definitely always a favorite of mine, and I definitely could eat an entire pizza by myself in one night and still be hungry for more crap. On the three days I didn't eat out, I mostly made soup or stir-fry for myself, or I always liked eggs for lunch and dinner, and other breakfast foods. Or I always bought a bunch of pre-prepared lunch meat or somethin' at the grocery store and made sandwiches for myself, which were always augmented by chips or other junk food to go along with them most days, though I did sometimes include fruit and vegetables with them. Or on days I didn't eat out I would just buy chicken tenders or pasta salads and stuff at the grocery store…so there you have it. I lied through my teeth to my mother every week, though I felt horrible for lying to her."
Beth laughed a little, slowly shaking her head. "Goodness, Philip…I'm surprised you're even still alive!" she said, gently teasing.
He laughed, too, and tousled his hair.
"Me too. And like I told you, I always have been slender my whole life…it's a wonder I've never been even remotely close to overweight, considerin' just how much crap I always willingly consumed before this when I was younger. It always made me laugh when every time I'd go to the doctor, I was always told I was a perfectly healthy weight, and could even stand to gain some. My friends and me would always joke about how I could definitely win us all some serious money by enterin' competitive eating competitions, and I definitely would have excelled at those," he said, smile growing.
"Actually, one time in college I did at a festival goin' on for our university's foreign language department…the prize was $200, and I actually won. It was pie eating, and I didn't even feel sick afterwards."
Beth laughed, imagining it.
He slowly shook his head. "So there you have it. I sincerely hope you think less of me now, Beth. I'd be very surprised if you didn't."
Beth slowly shook her own head at him, still gently smiling.
"So you had the most disgustin' eatin' habits when you were younger. Big deal," she said. "It truly doesn't make me think any less of you, Philip."
Philip gently nodded. "I will never understand that, Beth, but thank you."
She laughed again, and another quick silence returned.
She took another sip of water, and then spoke again.
"Have you at least found any good books on your runs or anythin' like that to keep you entertained or somethin' at night?" Beth asked. "I sincerely hope so."
He shook his head. "No, sadly; but to be fair when I go on runs, books really aren't my number one priority, even if there were any."
Beth nodded. "True. I just really, really would give anythin' in the world to have music again," she said, growing just a little solemn as she recalled all the music she and her mother had loved before the apocalypse.
"I really miss all of my albums; and the radio, too. I'd give anythin' to have them back."
Philip nodded. "That would be nice. I'd give anythin' to have all my Bush albums back, like I've told you before."
Beth couldn't help smiling just a little at this, her sorrow vanishing, and shook her head.
"What other music did you like before this besides them? Not that they weren't great, though, because they did have good songs," she said hastily. "They just weren't my favorite band, or style of music."
He laughed. "It's more than fine if you weren't as big a fan as me; I wouldn't expect you to be. But it'd be sacrilege to name other bands I liked just as much as them."
Beth smiled, and he continued.
"I always did like some pop songs, dependin' on what they were. And some heavy metal was ok to me, but my favorite genre was always rock and alternative rock."
Beth nodded. "I approve."
Philip gently smiled. "Actually, what about you, Beth? I know you wanted to maybe become a singer someday for a career, but who were your favorite groups?"
Beth momentarily started, surprised he had even remembered that from last week, but she quickly recovered.
Smiling a little, put on the spot, she thought.
"Ah…goodness…I do have to admit I always loved country. And gosh…my mama and I were especially big fans of Rayna James!" she said, laughing affectionately as she remembered.
"My mama had all of her albums, and I remember when I was ten, I heard her playin' one of them when she was doing laundry, and I asked her who it was, and that cemented my love for her music as well!"
Beth shook her head, still smiling. "Maggie always hated country music, especially hers, but my mama and me loved her music, and her band. And gosh, every single time she was in the magazines or on the news, we just had to buy it or watch it!"
She laughed. "Gosh, we were ridiculous! But especially about Deacon Claybourne," she said, blushing a little as she remembered her own intense crush on the man to rival her mother's.
Looking at him, Beth said, only blushing deeper by the minute, "I always had the biggest crush on him, along with Milo Ventimiglia, if you can't tell."
She sheepishly laughed, and continued, "And David Conrad…the guy from Ghost Whisperer, if you ever watched it; they were always my three major celebrity crushes."
Philip gently grinned. "It's nothin' to be embarrassed over, Beth, and I did watch that show from time to time when there was nothin' else on. It was always decent. Penny actually loved to watch it, though she could never understand what was goin' on of course."
Beth couldn't help smiling. "Oh, how cute! She definitely had good taste!"
Philip's smile grew. "Though I hate to disappoint you…her one true love was still Prince Eric through and through. David Conrad couldn't come close to him in her eyes."
Beth nodded. "That's adorable, and completely understandable. And I don't blame her; Prince Eric was always the crème de la crème of men for little girls back before this! I know I loved him when I was her age."
Philip laughed a little, tousling his hair. "Oh yes…I remember she was over the moon when she got a picture with him at Disney World when she was five…it was the cutest thing…He even kissed her on the cheek, and when my wife and me took her out to dinner that night she just kept babbling about him. It was so sweet."
Beth smiled warmly, melting a little at the sweet image.
"That's so adorable. And good for her! I never was that lucky to get a picture with him all the times we went there," she said, laughing.
He smiled. "Actually…to change the subject, my wife loved Rayna James too, and we even saw them in concert once. I surprised her with it."
Beth's eyes widened. "Oh, you guys were so lucky! We got tickets to see them once, but the venue ended up bein' rained out the night of, and the performance was canceled. We were so disappointed! Was it as wonderful as I think it was? And oh…goodness…was Deacon as gorgeous with whatever he was wearing as I think for sure he was in my head?"
Beth blushed, laughing a little, and putting a hand on her heart, said, "Oh goodness…I'm so sorry…it's just…"
Philip laughed again. "God…it's more than fine, Beth. And don't worry; you don't seem crazy to me. But as to your questions: it was a good performance, though I'm not really the right person to ask as to how attractive he was."
Beth laughed, even as her blush grew a little, and she said, "I'm sorry…I'm just so used to talkin' about guys with my friends from before this that you forget sometimes when you're talkin' to a man…we girls ask those kinds of questions among each other a lot."
He grinned a little, and said, "It's more than fine, Beth. Believe me. And like I said, it was a good performance. I really enjoyed it. My wife, like you and your mother, always loved her music, and him, too, and she was really miserable in her last trimester with Penny…she'd always had really bad morning sickness and the like, and I just felt terrible for her, so for her birthday one weekend I secretly bought tickets for us…third-row…and backstage passes. It cost me a lot but I didn't care. I just wanted her birthday to be special for her."
Beth smiled, touched by his sweetness.
"Oh…that's so sweet. I'm sure she was over the moon from it."
He laughed, adjusting his watch as he nodded.
"Yep…they were both really nice, and after the backstage part, which took place before the concert, I told them both in secret that it was her birthday, so right before intermission, they called her on stage, and Deacon personally serenaded her…he knelt before her chair and held her hand the whole time…I can guarantee you that for the duration of that song, she completely forgot I even existed."
Beth said, "Oh goodness…I would have been blushing the whole time if that would have been me!"
He nodded, still smiling. "I can only imagine…no offense, though, Beth. I always made fun of her because on the whole, she really was a very outgoing person and kind of a tomboy in some ways…she really loved sports and everythin' like me…but when it came to him, she was such an awestruck, shy woman. It was adorable."
Beth smiled, nodding. "Well if it makes you feel any better…I'm sure most women would have forgotten their husbands too if Deacon Claybourne had personally serenaded them. I know I would probably have…not that I feel proud of it," she finished, laughing.
Philip nodded, and said, "Yeah…she just said that I should learn to play guitar like him after the concert, and that was that. But that really was a fun evening."
Beth said, "I can only imagine. And goodness…I still can't get over the fact that you met them! And were in the presence of country royalty! And were in the same room as Deacon Claybourne! I'm so jealous."
Beth blushed a little at her excitement; but he only gently smiled, and she took a sip of water once more.
"Yep…I am a man of many secrets," he said softly, and though she knew he was joking, she was unable to stop herself from sobering, as she looked at his injured hand again.
Goodness…how very true his statement was…
As she only continued to dwell on it, especially in his absence, for he'd had to check something outside, her earlier sorrow and concern for him returned, and she could only think in silence.
There was still so much that she didn't know about him…
And, horribly…still so many painful, private sufferings that he for certain battled with every single day and night, and Beth knew he would not tell a soul of them, simply because he felt he deserved care and sympathy from nobody at all.
And the thought more than broke her heart for him.
But was there something wrong with her that she only wanted to learn anything and everything about him?
And goodness… was there something wrong with her that she wanted to discover his secrets; that she wanted him to confide in her the heartbreaks that likely drove him to unimaginable grief every night?
And was there something still the more wrong with her that she wanted to only offer him comfort and tenderness and kindness as to possibly ease his sufferings and self-hatred; that she only simply wanted to make him smile and be happy again, in the way that any other woman in her position, or her age, would never have done? In the way that any other person left in the world never would have done, after knowing all he had done?
Beth did not know; but oddly, only imagining her family's reactions to her concern for him made her fear the possibility that perhaps there was.
True…all that he had done would forever be burned into her brain, and forever cause her sorrow, to think about and remember all that had occurred.
Absolutely everything he had done had been absolutely sick; so incredibly twisted and so supremely evil. That she knew.
But what Beth also knew was that the man who had done all of those evil things had not been the real Philip Blake, who had been sitting in front of her before.
Each and every single second in his presence, more and more it was clear to her that the real Philip regretted everything he had done; wished he could take it all back; and forever hated the man he had slowly but surely morphed into once he had become The Governor of Woodbury.
There truly had been no escape from the madness and the insanity that the end of the world had brought upon him.
Nor no escape from the unimaginable grief and heartbreak from losing his daughter so early in life…or any thing to pull him back from the darkness of anger and hatred that had changed him so drastically.
And there truly had been nobody at all to save him from the dark and winding, twisted path he had been pulled down, when, had he been in his right mind, he would have been scrambling to run the other way.
Beth knew that with all of her heart…Philip would have been.
Early on in their meetings, the thought would have caused her distress, and alarm, and made her think she was as sick and evil as she had always only thought he was.
But now it only made her feel light and weightless, where there had once been only a heavy sinking feeling in her chest.
The blood-red sun was slowly sinking outside, and she was momentarily startled when he softly spoke.
Beth turned, where he stood at the door; and as before, her eyes fell to his hand, but she made herself smile, thankful her thoughts about him while he had been gone were not transparent to him.
"It's still pretty nice outside," he said.
Beth nodded, and got up, going over to him where he waited to walk her to the gate as usual, trying to ignore just how her heart was racing and her stomach was swirling.
Slowly they walked, in a comfortable silence, and soon enough, they reached it.
Beth also tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach at the sight.
And the near crippling anxiety that he wouldn't harm himself further, as she horribly suspected he had with his hand.
Slowly he gently smiled, tousling his hair.
"I hope you have a wonderful week, Beth, and a safe trip home. And I really hope you won't feel unsafe from what you told me happened…every single one of your family back there would do anything to protect you. Believe it."
As he spoke this last part, his smile had vanished, and now he was looking at her with the utmost concern.
Beth felt herself smile, even as her stomach swirled at his sweetness in trying to allay her fears, and simply laughed a little.
"I… I do feel much better, Philip, but thank you. And I will. You have a wonderful week too, all right?"
At the sight of his smile returning, again, her heart skipped a beat, and he only gently nodded.
"I'll certainly try."
If the situation had been normal, Beth could have laughed…but her eyes fell, again, of seemingly their own accord, to his hand, and she bit her lip.
Going closer to him, Beth gently took his hand, being as gentle as she could possibly be with it, and tenderly caressed the palm, where the wound was the most awful.
"And I sincerely hope next week you'll still have your poor hand," she said softly, knowing her eyes were radiating the sympathy and concern she felt for him.
The minutes ticked away as his one blue eye held both of hers…and then, too late, Beth realized she was still holding his warm hand, and she blushed furiously, slowly releasing it.
Still they were close, and then he only gently smiled, looking at the ground.
"We'll see, Beth, knowin' me. But honestly…havin' one hand would be much worse than havin' one eye like I do…you get used to it pretty quickly, surprisingly. But god is the worst part the depth perception bein' messed up…I'm used to it, but there still are plenty of mornings where I walk into things after wakin' up, or times when I trip in the shower and smack my face."
Philip looked back at her then, his gentle smile only growing, and slowly shook his head.
"Yet another reason why you should be embarrassed for yourself that you willingly spend time with a dumbass like me every single week."
Beth couldn't help laughing at his confession, even through her sympathy, and said, "Oh…I'm so sorry."
He nodded. "Thank you, but there's really nothin' to be sorry for."
Instead of protesting, Beth simply laughed again, and then another thought occurred to her, making her smile.
"But hey…admit it, Philip. Am I the only person you'd ever admit that to?"
Her smile grew as he only shrugged and nodded, still smiling himself, and said, "Yep. You got me, Beth."
Beth laughed again, and simply walked closer to him, once again squeezing his warm arm, as she had at the beginning of their visit.
"Well your secret is more than safe with me, Philip, and I'm more than honored."
He laughed a little. "Well I'm glad you are, Beth."
Again, silence fell, and now, without the distraction of speech, Beth again felt her heart stutter at just how close he was to her just then…and just how warm his arm was…
Blushing lightly again, she removed her hand, and then stepped back a little.
But…again, her eyes fell to his right hand, and she couldn't stop herself from softly saying, "Take care of yourself, Philip. Have a wonderful week."
Slowly Philip nodded, and said, "I will, Beth. You too"
Beth simply nodded at him, before finally walking through the gate.
The entire rest of the evening, her thoughts were on him, alternately making her heart skip one second, and her heart break the next as she again was reminded of his injured hand.