I am so sorry for not updating in a few months, but I have started chapter 16 and hopefully it will be up soon.
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all of the followers/reviewers and favorites that I have on this story; it truly means a lot! :) And a special thank you to Dixon's Angel for your past three reviews; they were so nice!
And Beth's dream/nightmare is actually part of my original ending to this story at one point (though I cut a lot out of it for here obviously) but I still wanted to include it in at least some way though I am sure it will probably prove eye-roll inducing, cringe-worthy, and/or hilariously bad! :) It just never really sat well with me though I do actually love it; I couldn't bear to have that be their end, though I can't promise this story will be 100% happy or free of angst and drama and sad things for the both of them; believe me, they won't have an easy time being together! :( And, unfortunately, mortal peril and danger will always await, and, sadly, meet :( them both in this one! :(
Thank you again and I hope this chapter proves enjoyable, annoyingly repetitive though I am sure it is! :) I sincerely promise that will soon change! :)
She was running, and the fear clawed at her heart. The truck had finally died, and now she was running the rest of the way through the dark, winding roads, with only her knife for protection.
Faster and faster Beth ran, and she could already feel the tears burning her eyes.
Please…goodness, no…
Over and over she said the broken plea in her head, but she couldn't seem to make herself believe that she was being worried over nothing.
A blast of cold wind hit, and the moon shone bright and menacing high in the black sky, though it was usually a beautiful sight.
Dead leaves blew over the worn dirt road, crunching underneath her boots as she ran, the color thoroughly bled from them from the blackness of the night.
The freezing wind whipped at her face, blew her hair, and chilled her to her very bones; but Beth could not be bothered even to acknowledge just how cold she was by shivering.
She was almost there, and she willed herself to run even faster…Her heart was threatening to burst out of her chest, and her stomach was in havoc…utter and complete…
As she continued to run, she bit her lip, her stomach turning now in anxious nausea, and she couldn't help biting her lip even harder, tasting blood now.
The dark trees swaying in the wind on both sides of the road even were terrifying to her, and it was almost like she was Snow White, all the many fairy tales her daddy and mother had always read to her when she was a little girl coming to mind; just like her, she was running through the dark, gloomy and dangerous wilderness and forests all by herself…incredibly terrified, vulnerable, and prey to anybody at all…
Yet…unlike Snow White, she knew she was running towards what terrified her and what would ultimately destroy her…not away from it…
More tears blurred her vision and she shook herself, gripping her cold knife handle even tighter.
Cruelly, it seemed even the dark trees ominously swaying in the wind were smirking evilly at her, knowing just how her heart would break once dawn hit, and The Walker's face and smirk that always tormented her was all she could see for a few fleeting moments…
She could hear her voice, speaking the four words that she always heard every single week; and now, Beth finally knew, they were certainly true…
A gaggle of bats screeched, and another cold blast of wind hit; this blast was almost debilitating in its iciness.
And now…oh, goodness…now she could hear the telltale snarls and contorted, terrifying moans of Walkers on both sides of her in the forest trees, and the sounds made her heart skip again in fear, even as they made her already fragile mental state break.
Oh, she knew it had been incredibly foolish to sneak out like she had, but she had just had the most foreboding feeling the whole week… And tonight the panic had only worsened; to the point she had felt sick…Beth felt incredible guilt for the worry everyone would be feeling once morning hit, but she hoped the note she had left on her father's pillow as he slept before she had left promising she would be back tomorrow evening would ease their concern.
And she knew it was incredibly foolish to be running all by herself in the dead of night with Walkers around every single dark bend in the road, and danger around every corner, but she could not help it…
Please…goodness no…
Now the tears finally rolled down her cheeks, and she put on more speed…
Yes…yes it had been foolish…but despite what she always thought about herself, she liked to think that she wasn't stupid. And that she could handle herself alone…
And besides…when she finally arrived there, at his door, he would be fine…he would be…and Philip would only take her into his warm, safe arms and hold her, his heartbeat telling her that her fear had all been for nothing…
She would be safe and away from all the danger she was in now when she finally reached him, and that thought put her mind at peace…Beth felt her heart violently skipping at the thought of being in his arms, she wanted it so much…she wanted him to be safe and well so much…
Though she still felt herself crumbling inside at the likely reality she knew she would encounter…
Finally, finally…she reached the back gate, and she undid the lock with shaking hands.
Securing it behind her, she ran the rest of the way to his door, knocking on it…
She was trembling now, and she could not breathe…
Beth felt just how weak her knees were, and inside she was praying with everything she had…
Miraculously, she heard footsteps…
Her heart stopped…
Though, when he finally opened the door, she almost could have screamed, and only more tears rolled down her cheeks, feeling her heart effectively break forever…
He leaned up against the doorframe, holding himself, and the look on his face as he looked at her was one only of apology, and remorse…
His bite wound was scarlet, clearly gaping and awful underneath his shirt; blood stained his right shoulder and the blood soaked through his shirt…
He had been bitten square in the shoulder…not the arm…nothing could save him…nothing…
Beth finally felt her knife clatter to the ground, and shook her head, willing it to not be true.
Philip spoke, his tone gentle, the guilt showing acutely on his face. "Oh god, Beth…why did you come here this late? You…you could have been killed or hurt, all because of me…and I'm not worth that…I'm not…"
But his words seemed to die, and Beth knew it wasn't that he didn't want her there…he did, far more than he would ever admit to her, and he was only hating that she had put her life at risk by sneaking out like she had…
She simply walked closer to him and put a hand on his arm…yet she could not speak.
He, though, did once more.
"I'm so sorry, Beth…but please…don't be sad that I'll be dead by this time tomorrow…I don't deserve your grief…and god…it breaks my heart to see you, of all people, upset like this over me…I finally got what I deserved…it was only a matter of time. And god…please…just don't cry over me, Beth…I'm not worth your tears…"
Philip gently shook his head, and he gently wiped away her tears, only to cause her heart to speed up, even in her grief. Beth closed her eyes, relishing in his warm, gentle touch, only knowing more tears would roll down her cheeks once she finally opened them.
He was to die in twelve hours…he was to cease to exist in twelve hours…and yet he was only worried about her…and oh…surely in so much unimaginable physical pain…
Beth knew she would not be able to speak just then; to say to him all that she had ever wanted to say and all that she had always been so very afraid of admitting… That would come later. That would…
But now…now she could only do one thing, and she, finally, leaned up, putting a gentle hand on his chest…oh…how valiantly his heart was still beating, now…so strong and alive and healthy…and she knew it would only cruelly weaken near the end…
Beth gently shook her head, and simply leaned up a little more and kissed him, more tears falling down her face.
How cruel that this was their first kiss…and that it would be one of their last…
When she finally pulled back, she saw the unspoken remorse, guilt, and, most of all…love in his one blue eye, in his expression, and he slowly shook his head…
"Beth, I…"
Yet she shook her own head, finally speaking, her voice breaking, barely more than a whisper.
"No, Philip…I do…you…you may not believe me, but I do…and…I…maybe I'm bein' foolish, but is there any…any chance at all that you do, too?"
He nodded, his voice hoarse as he replied.
"I do love you, Beth. With all of my heart."
She was shaky as she replied.
"Then will you do somethin' for me?"
Oh…she knew what his reply would be…what he would always say to her at times during their weekly visits…
"Anything for you, Beth."
Steeling her courage, only more tears fell down her cheeks, and she asked, "Then will you make love to me?"
There was no possible way he could infect her…and all she wanted was to be with him and love him, and feel him love her back before he was finally ripped from her…
She saw only astonishment pass his face, quickly succeeded by sadness, and concern for her heartbreak, before he finally leaned in and kissed her, dipping her.
The kiss swept through her and seared her, and she clung to him, only more tears falling down her face, joy at his touch tinged with unimaginable grief.
But she still had twelve hours left with him. Twelve hours, and that was more than anyone could hope for in this world anymore.
She felt awful guilt about how worried everyone would be at the prison, but she would deal with that when she finally returned tomorrow evening…when her heart would be bleeding inside of her and her body aching…but now, tonight, all that she needed was to be with him for the remainder of his life…
To her shock, he lifted her up in his arms bridal style, breaking the kiss, and the door closed behind them from the wind…
He surely was making himself ignore the pain in his shoulder that was no doubt radiating down his arm…and she tenderly touched the wound, sorrow in her eyes, guilt flooding her, about to ask if they should stop…
Yet he gently shook his head. "Don't worry about me, Beth…please don't," he said softly.
And then all of her thoughts only flew away again as he kissed her yet again, though gently.
Oh…it felt as though she was flying, and she only gripped his shirt tight near his chest, feeling just how fast his heart was beating…
Beth felt weak in the knees already, and knew she would have trouble standing once he put her down; but she willed herself to ignore it, and simply felt, and focused on the feeling of him…
Finally, too early, he broke the kiss, and spoke yet again.
"You're so beautiful, Beth," he said softly, causing her cheeks to bloom. "And know that you gave me reason to be a better man durin' the short time we had together…time that I didn't deserve. I…"
More tears welled up in her eyes, and she only softly said, "Oh…please…let's not say our goodbyes just yet…please? I can't take it…"
Sorrow visited his face, and he gently kissed her cheek. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, and then, finally, words finally failed the both of them…
He finally set her down, and she was proven correct in her earlier estimation; her legs were jelly, and embarrassingly, she almost fell, only for him to catch her and hold her up.
Again her cheeks bloomed, but Philip only shook his head and tenderly said, "Nothin' to be embarrassed over. Believe me. And you'll be perfect, Beth…believe me."
Beth looked at him. Oh…of course he just knew she had never done this before…
Yet despite the pain she knew she would face, she knew he would only be gentle with her…and her heart fluttered at the reality of just what they were about to do…
He gently removed her boots and then the rest of her clothes, gently kissing her legs as he removed her jeans. She relished in the wonderful feeling of his lips on her skin, and she felt how her heart was hammering against her ribs…The butterflies in her stomach were honestly paralyzing, but she knew she wanted him more than anything in the world…
Finally, though, she was only left in her torn, ratty white cotton bra and underwear, and Beth felt her face blush painfully in self-consciousness.
And at the reverence as he looked at her, drinking her in.
"You're beautiful, Beth," he said softly, looking at her so gently and sincerely she felt more tears well in her eyes.
"The most beautiful thing I've seen since the world ended…and it's so tragic that you don't know how perfect you really are."
Beth finally felt the tears roll down her cheeks; yet he gently came over and wiped them away, acute guilt on his face as he looked at her, mixed with concern…and then, Philip finally kissed her yet again, dipping her…she clung to him…and when the kiss finally broke, she shyly pulled at his own shirt, which he made short work of.
He was beautiful, and Beth only felt her face heat up even more at the sight of him shirtless…
He had put a large white bandage on his bite…presumably with ointment in a futile attempt to temporarily dull the pain…yet it was still saturated with blood, and her heart broke at the sight.
Yet she only leaned up and kissed the bandage, willing herself to just forget for a few fleeting, beautiful hours, and then shyly began work on his belt.
The scent of ivory was even stronger than usual, and she breathed in his familiar scent, memorizing it, her body near swooning from his warmth…
Yet she fumbled with his belt, and she couldn't help blushing even more.
His own warm hands gently gripped hers, and he only softly said, "Hey. It's more than all right, Beth. There's no rush."
He tenderly touched her burning cheek, and she nodded, before he finally undid his belt himself.
Again her face blushed even deeper…and as the last of his clothing finally fell away, and he was finally naked before her.
Goodness…he was perfect…and she shyly smiled at him…he smiled back at her, making her heart lurch, and then he finally only came closer to her and kissed her yet again…
She gingerly latched her fingers in his soft brown hair, clinging to him…and then, finally, he at last pulled back, looking at her with only the utmost gentleness, and she knew what he was silently asking…if she was ready.
Beth nodded, her stomach twisting in anxiety and her cheeks heating up even more… he gently undid her bra and then removed her underwear.
Now Beth felt her face would surely melt, and she desperately wanted to cover herself as she stood completely naked before him…
Yet again, she saw the gentle reverence in his loving blue gaze as he slowly shook his head, and took in every single inch of her.
"You're perfect. Honestly. And you have no reason to be so embarrassed in front of me, Beth. It breaks my heart."
Shyly she smiled, her face growing even hotter, even as her heart flipped and more tears came to her eyes, and she softly said, "And all this time you always said you didn't have one. But you've mentioned your heart a lot tonight."
Philip smiled a little, too, and yet all too soon it vanished, as hers did.
She could see the same sorrow and pain in his expression to match her own, and now she knew he was feeling the same gentle urgency and rush to be with her as she was feeling to be with him…
Slowly shaking his head, he said, "I do love you, Beth Greene. So much."
Her voice breaking, she said, "And I love you, Philip Blake. So much."
Finally, he came closer to her and kissed her yet again, dipping her… And as he kissed her, time seemed to slow, and then stop completely…
As it went on, the feel of his gentle kisses and touches on every single place on her body made her weak, and she hoped she was succeeding in pleasing him…that she was making him feel as wonderful as he was making her feel…though she knew she, miraculously, somehow was…
Finally, though, she knew they were both finally ready, and he lifted her in his arms once again…
Before she knew it the warmth of the sheets was at her back, he a ready, welcome weight on top of her, and he finally kissed her once more.
"Are you ready, Beth?" he gently asked, gently caressing her cheek, and she nodded.
Again, Philip kissed her, making her feel even weaker, and then, he slowly, gently entered her.
The pain was staggering, and she gasped, tears coming to her eyes…yet instantly he stilled, only remorse on his expression, and she hated herself for spoiling such a beautiful moment between them because she was so weak…
"I'm so sorry, Beth," he said softly, and she only gently shook her head.
"No…no. Don't be…I…I just need some time, is all."
She leaned up and kissed him, feeling her heart sputter yet again, and slowly she breathed in deep…
Eventually she simply chose to ignore the pain, because she would be damned if she let her body ruin this…
His gentle kisses, long and soothing, made her head spin and her knees weaken, and distracted her from the awful pain between her legs…and eventually, she asked him with her eyes to finally move.
He must have seen just how badly she wanted it, because he finally did begin to, but not before looking at her again with remorse for having hurt her so.
He was being as gentle as could be, and it made her heart flutter even more…
She willed herself to ignore the stinging pain, and before long, her resilience was rewarded with a much different, wonderful sensation…
Oh goodness…it was as though she was flying… and hearing her name on his lips, and just how much he loved her, and how beautiful she was, was only ointment to her heart…and his name, and how much she loved him, was all she could utter…
He was making her feel so beautiful and loved, just then, and it was as though they were the only two people left in the world…
Yet she wished this could last forever…and that dawn would not hit, and when it was finally over, that his bite would vanish…
And, above all, above anything, she wished that he would not die…
Too soon, though, it was finally over, and after as he held her to his chest, she finally felt her tears return, and he only held her to him, kissing her hair as she cried, and she hated how cruel life was…
Two more times they made love, before the sun's rays finally began to spill into the room…and then the remaining hours were spent simply talking, as his strength gradually began to ebb away, and he slowly grew paler, and the end finally came.
Beth walked back to the prison, trembling and crying, covered in Walker blood from the strays she had had to kill…Oh…she knew it was finally over…their beautiful time together…and she was painfully aware of what she had lost…and what she could have had if only she had confessed her feelings sooner…but everything didn't matter anymore…
All she had now were beautiful memories…and all she felt was stabbing pain in her heart.
She saw shock, relief, and concern on all of her family's faces, just where she had gone and what she and Philip had done still blissfully a mystery to them all…and Beth didn't know how she would finally say all that needed to be said…
Thinking back to the awful sight of him dead, as he'd asked to shoot himself rather than have her do it, finally she crumpled to the ground, clawing at it, sobbing, and almost didn't register Rick, Sasha, Maggie, and Hershel running towards her in concern to hold her…
Beth awoke from the dream with a start, almost in tears at just how vivid it had felt, the thunder jolting her even further awake.
It was still the dead of night, and she pinched herself, the pain she felt almost a relief…
It had all been a dream…a dream…or, rather, a nightmare…
Truthfully it had been both…incredibly beautiful and yet terrifyingly heartbreaking and horrifying…
As she lit a white wicker candle in her cell, her hands shook, and she was unable to stem the tears that finally fell from her eyes…
It hadn't been real…it hadn't…he was still alive…he was still healthy and well and she would see him this week…
Yet she knew she had no way of knowing whether Philip truly was well just then.
And the thought terrified her.
Vividly, she could still feel the butterflies from their many kisses in her dream, as though they truly had happened in reality…and more tears fell at just how confused and disarmed she felt…and at how frightened the dream had made her…
And only more welled up in her eyes as she dwelled on the very real, horrible possibility of Philip getting bitten in real life.
Beth breathed in deep, blowing out the candle, and simply cradled her head in her hands and silently sobbed, all of her confusion, fear, and anxiety about so many things cruelly suffocating her.
The next day, the dream still continued to haunt her, and she could not taste her breakfast, nor do anything that she usually did, she was still so upset.
Beth simply lied, though she felt incredible guilt, and said that she was sick, and lay on her cot, the softness and the coolness of her pillow wonderfully soothing, hating herself for the concern in everyone's eyes, and for having lied.
They all thought she was sick now…yet…oh, if only she told them all the real reason for her numbness…oh…they would certainly find her sick…though in a very, very different way…
Beth simply breathed in deep once again and tightly closed her eyes…tomorrow…
Tomorrow was her next supply run, and she could only see Philip's face before her, looking at her with gentle concern, as he had at the end of their previous visit…
Please…please let him be all right…she silently prayed, holding her mother's necklace for comfort, and hoped with all her heart that he would be.
Beth fiddled with herself in the mirror one last time before she left, her knees threatening to give out.
Breathe…breathe, she thought, and adjusted her mother's necklace.
Her red long-sleeve shirt and jeans, paired with her boots, momentarily distracted her from her worries, and for one moment, she was able to blissfully forget.
It was humid once more as she walked to his apartment, and finally reached his door.
Again, Beth could not help from breathing in deep before finally knocking, simultaneously hoping for and dreading his footsteps, for fear of what she might find when he finally opened the door…
Though her heart skipped when she finally heard Philip inside, and, thankfully, at long last, the door did open.
Oh goodness…thank goodness…
Beth was almost shaky as she looked at him, alive and well and, thankfully, smiling at the sight of her…
Beth slowly scanned him, taking him in…His brown hair was blowing in the gentle breeze that had just hit, and he was wearing a gray long-sleeve shirt, the sleeves rolled up, dark pants, a belt, and shoes…
No…no…thank goodness…no awful bite marks or any blood or any injuries…
The only thing that drew her attention in particular was his same poor, bandaged hand, which thankfully was looking a little better…
Oh…thank goodness…
Now Beth could only stare at him dumbly, still so very unable to speak in her relief, and, cruelly, at that moment, her dream chose to hit her in full force…when they had made love in particular…
An awful blush hit her face, and she was sure she was blushing to the roots of her hair…
As a deluge of memories from the dream hit, her blush only deepened…
Oh, goodness…would his kisses affect her as much as they had in her dream? Would they cause her to grow weak in the knees and feel as though she were flying?
Oh…she knew the answer…wholeheartedly and unequivocally so… Yes…
And…oh, goodness…would being with him be as wonderful as she thought it might be…as it had been in her dream?
Again, she knew the answer…yes…
Her face flamed ever deeper at her realizations, and staring at him as she was, she was only grateful that he could not read her mind, and that he had no idea at all of the dream she had had about the two of them…
Yet now, she noticed, he was looking at her with gentle concern, and now Beth had to wonder at just how long she had been simply looking at him like this without speaking…
Yet…she knew she was powerless to move or speak just then, and she willed herself to shove away the remembrances and vivid flashes of her dream, and now Beth could still only stare, the beautiful relief she felt returning in full force as she focused on the wonderful reality…
He was still alive…still healthy…not bitten and slowly but surely dying, as he had been in her dream…Not injured…not slowly fading…not anything at all but warm, healthy flesh and blood…And she only hoped that she was not dreaming, just then, though she knew that she was not.
Yes…thankfully, he was still alive…still healthy…and Beth almost did not know what to say…
She simply repeated the beautiful words in her mind, letting them sink in.
He was still alive…still not dead…
A cruel and mocking voice, however, filled her head, and the words caused her heart to still.
"He is for now…but for how long? He could be torn apart tonight…and you wouldn't even know…then what would you do? There's nothing that says he'll even make it to next week…nothing at all that says he'll be on this earth much longer…Nothing at all that says it's a guarantee that he'll grow to be old…And here you stand, far too much of a coward to…"
Beth knew, cruelly, just how true the words were…but she didn't want to think about them just then, so she forced the awful, frightening words to die, shoving them out of her mind, and now, she registered, Philip was coming towards her.
He gently put a hand on her arm, softly speaking, his expression only full of concern.
"Hey, Beth…god…are you all right? You…you look like you saw a ghost."
Beth simply stared at him, sadly thinking.
"No, Philip…I saw something far worse."
Yet Beth shook herself, and she simply said, "I…I'm so sorry…I…I'm fine, it's just…"
Beth felt her words die on her tongue, and now she simply wordlessly looked at him once more, still so very unable to speak.
He was so achingly close to her just then…so beautifully alive and healthy and valiant…and yet so forever out of her reach.
Just what would she do if she arrived one week only to find he had been bitten?
And…how would she go on with her life knowing she would never see him again?
She did not know the answers, and as before, Beth could feel the fear bubbling up inside her if she thought of the questions for too long.
Refocusing on him, hating herself for just how stupid she was sure she had looked since she had arrived today, she simply breathed in deep once again.
Goodness…he was so, so close to her just then…so wonderfully warm and strong and healthy… and, somehow, the most beautiful sight she had seen all day…even the almost ethereal morning sunrise that she had watched from a little private corner of the prison yard paling in comparison…
Her heart skipped, the gentle pressure of his warm hand on her arm causing her knees to weaken, and for one brief, fleeting moment, she honestly wondered how it would feel if she closed the gap between them and put her mouth to his…
Oh…just how would he react if she did…what would he do…would he, miraculously, like it?
Yet her cheeks flamed violently at the reality of actually doing it, and she knew that she was indeed a coward…much too shy and afraid to actually do it…and she knew that she could not…
Beth shook herself a little, making herself speak, and she said, "Oh goodness, Philip…I'm so sorry…it's just…I…"
She made herself lie, hoping he would believe her.
"There was just so much blood on the floor at the place I went to…it…it honestly just rattled me."
Her cheeks burned hotter at just how lame and pathetic her excuse had been, and as he only looked at her silently.
Yet he gently nodded, and he said, "I'm sure it was awful for you. I'm so sorry, Beth. But are you sure that you're feelin' okay? You…you just look so…haunted about somethin'…are you sure that was all?"
Philip was looking at her as though he did not believe her, and she hated how transparent she was.
Beth made herself nod, the warmth of his hand still on her arm oddly soothing, even as it made her heart skip.
She couldn't bear to tell him, or anyone at all, the real reason for her torment…and she spoke once again.
"Y…yes…I…just…it just really shook me really bad…that's all. And I'm…I'm not very good with blood…At least not in that amount."
Her cheeks still burned violently once again as only more violent flashes from her dream hit her, and staring back at his gentle blue gaze, fixated on her, for one horrifying moment, she was almost convinced that he knew exactly what she had dreamt.
Though, thankfully, at long last, Philip nodded once more, and finally removed his hand, though slowly.
"Alright, if you're sure. But, Beth…you can go home if you need to, if you feel too sick or upset from that. Honest. I completely understand. In fact, you don't ever have to come here if you don't want to, and you can stop comin' here at any time. Don't worry about offendin' me or feel guilty. I'll more than understand. And I really do hope you feel better."
His tone and words were gentle, and Beth knew he was completely genuine in what he had said, and his sweetness made her soften even more.
His invitation to leave…and never return…once would have been only a relief to her, and her first course of action, and her only desire…on the day of their very first meeting, and their earliest ones.
But now…oh, goodness…now…oh…she knew, innately, that that was the last thing she wanted, and Beth could not even convey in words just how badly she knew she always wanted to spend time with him, and just how she worried about him whenever they were apart for the week…
She couldn't even to herself, and Beth could only imagine just how shocked he would visibly grow if ever she gained enough courage to tell him so…
Yet Beth finally made herself speak again, growing even more embarrassed with herself.
Snap out of it, Greene, she thought, and finally she made herself smile, pushing away the awful remnants of her haunting dream.
"Oh…no…no…that's so sweet, Philip, but I…I'm fine. Thank you, though, for your concern…"
He gently shook his head, another gentle breeze blowing.
"Don't mention it, Beth. Again, you don't have to ever thank me for anything."
Beth could not help but smile a little more, this time genuinely, their usual conversation wonderfully distracting, and just what she needed to push away her fear for the time being.
"Well…you know me," she said quietly, and slowly he smiled too, the sight breathtaking.
Her heart lurched yet again.
"Yes…I do, but it's an honor to."
Beth's cheeks warmed at his gentle remark, and finally he turned and opened the door wider for her.
"After you."
Beth smiled her thanks, and before long she was seated. And, as he went to the other side of the room to get water for her, before she could gently protest, she couldn't help laughing at what he said.
"Though, Beth…I do have to say…you can always feel free to tell me to fuck off or anything similar at any time…believe me. And I apologize for swearing. I'm sorry, but what I said still stands."
Beth slowly shook her head, still unable to bite back her smile as he came back to her.
"Oh…thank you, I suppose? But I…I really am not the type to be like that with people…even with people that I don't like…and I…I…besides…you don't fall into that category anyway," she said awkwardly, feeling her face heat up a little at her shy admission.
No…he certainly did not…not anymore…not the real him…and honestly she had to wonder if he thought there was something wrong with her for seeing the good in him that he was blind to…that he, heartbreakingly, thought didn't exist…that there was something wrong with her for seeing the real, good man that he truly was, and not the monster that had never been the real him…
She had to wonder if his reaction to her faith in him would be anything similar to what all her family and friend's reactions would be, and somehow the thought terrified her. Though she knew, subconsciously, that he did not, and never would, think her crazy for forgiving him…
The moment seemed to stretch forever as he only looked at her for a few fleeting moments, the silence almost deafening, before he finally only nodded.
"Thank you very much, Beth," he said quietly, "but truthfully I'll never understand that."
Beth could barely feel the water bottle as she put it on the table, and her heart broke at the clear guilt on his face.
Determined to wipe away his inner torment, she said, "Why? Because you think you're a dumbass?"
She hoped he would smile. And…thankfully…she was rewarded when he finally did after a few beats, the sight again making her heart skip, though his smile was small.
Gently he nodded. "Yes. That's definitely it."
Beth's heart warmed, and she said, "Well…don't worry. You're not. At least not in my eyes."
A few more beats of silence hit, and then she continued, hoping he would smile once again.
"At least not too much."
Beth hoped he wouldn't take offense to her gentle joke, though she knew he wouldn't, and, thankfully, he smiled a little more, speaking gently.
"That probably pained you to say, and that's probably the most unkind thing you've ever said in your life, isn't it?"
She could not staunch her blush, and she said, "You got me."
He noticed her embarrassment, as his eye took in her stained cheeks.
Philip shook his head, and softly said, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that in a bad way…"
Yet she cut him off, nodding her head, her embarrassment growing. "I know…believe me."
He nodded, before she finally cleared her throat, patting the table.
"Well? C'mon…how many Walkers did you kill this week? And what foods did you like and dislike that you got on your supply runs? I need details! I've been on pins and needles all week just waitin' to hear all about your week," she said, shakily laughing a little.
Thankfully, he smiled, and finally sat down across from her.
"Oh…are you ever in for a treat then, because I killed way too many to count…and I honestly only really got some good soup…the rest of the stuff was rotten. Though actually, I take that back…I did find some good canned fruit so that was a good find…you're more than welcome to have my last can of peaches if you'd like."
Beth smiled, his sweet offer touching, though she knew she wouldn't accept it, though she had always loved peaches, and couldn't remember the last time she'd had any.
"Oh…that's very sweet, Philip, but I'd feel just awful, as you know…but thank you very much again. It's almost as though you knew, though…peaches always were my favorite fruit!"
She laughed, then, and yet he shook his head, serious.
"You're more than welcome to them, Beth," he said softly. "Believe me…"
Yet she shook her own head, smiling gently, and though she could sense that he badly wanted to give them to her, she wouldn't allow him to, and he seemed to sense that she would not budge.
Beth said, "Did you find any good books this past week? I know…I ask that a lot, but somehow I think you could easily get lucky one of these weeks."
As always, though, he gently shook his head, smiling a little, seeming to come out of the gentle daze he'd been in.
"As always…no. Though god…sometimes I'd settle for readin' almost anything…though I think I would have to draw the line at really awful supermarket romance novels and stuff like that…no offense to the authors though. But sometimes I get so bored even those would probably be entertainin' in at least some way if only I had some alcohol to make them more bearable."
Beth couldn't help laughing and nodding her head in agreement.
"I am not goin' to lie…I have bought and read some of those books on more than one occasion before all of this…Maggie and Shawn always gave me a hard time about it…and in my naïve stupidity I thought some of them were pretty good…okay, very good…though now that I am not fourteen anymore, I completely agree with how bad they are. I'm sorry for lettin' you down," she said, laughing once again.
Softly he laughed, shaking his head. "I had such faith in you, Beth," he teased.
Her smile grew, and then he said, "But that's nothing…in addition to all my ghost story books when I was a kid and then teenager, I have to admit growin' up I always did really like all of the Tarzan books…you can make fun of me all you want for that. Although I do have to admit even when I hit college I still always really liked them and I also owned all of those before all of this, though I'm sure a lot of people your age would find them very dorky. My wife thought it was hilarious how I had them right alongside all my other books, the majority of them all horror novels, as you know. And I would still read them all again in a heartbeat now. I actually always did have a secret nerdy side. And I still am kind of a dork in a lot of ways."
Beth smiled. "Oh…that's not dorky at all! And you know…obviously I never read them, but my grandmother was always big into Tarzan…though only the movies."
Softly he shook his head, tousling his brown hair.
"See those just made me lost for words as to how bad they were," he said softly, smiling gently. "None of them were very good…not at all like the books. But oh well."
Beth laughed. "I honestly can tell you the only reason my grandmother liked them was because she thought whatever actor was playing Tarzan was hot. Or in her words, 'dreamy.'"
Philip's soft smile grew a little more as he nodded. "You know how I told you my mother loved The Sound of Music?"
Beth nodded, seemingly already knowing where this was headed, unable to bite back a smile.
Philip confirmed her suspicions when he softly said, "Well, she had the biggest crush on Captain Von Trapp. It was actually the cutest thing ever. That was her favorite movie by far, and she would always actually cry whenever she'd stay with my wife and me whenever we'd all order takeout and watch it every year around her birthday, she'd get so emotional during every viewing of it. But it was the cutest thing…and of course she'd always blush whenever he was on screen…and just shyly deny that she liked him whenever my wife and me would gently tease her about it. It was adorable."
Beth couldn't help her smile from growing at the sweetness of it.
"Oh…that's adorable! And hey…my grandmother loved him too, actually," she said, laughing a little.
Philip gently nodded, still smiling; yet gradually it faded.
"Yes…she definitely loved him with all her heart. It was just like Penny with her Prince Eric. Yet honestly thinkin' back, it honestly is actually heartbreaking in a way…she deserved a good man who loved her back with all of his heart, and not the asshole that my father was…I'm just sorry she never got that."
Solemnity and sorrow flooding her, Beth said, "Oh…I more than agree, Philip. But at…at least she had the most wonderful son and daughter-in-law that she could ask for."
She colored; at first, she thought her remark had been a little odd to say…but he simply stared, though not unkindly, before nodding gently.
"Thank you very much, Beth," he said softly, "but believe me…I am nowhere near wonderful."
Beth sensed she would be unable to, as always, convince him otherwise…so she simply settled for changing the conversation, hoping it would distract him from his simply awful, heartbreaking hatred of himself.
She cleared her throat. "So…my goodness…you liked Tarzan? What other dark secrets are you keeping?"
Thankfully, however, Philip finally smiled a little again, and the sight was so beautiful it made her heart lurch again, this time almost painfully.
"Tons," he said softly. "That was probably the worst of it, though."
Beth couldn't help laughing, and then he leaned back a little, fiddling with his brown watch.
"I am goin' to venture that your answer will probably be a no on this front, Beth," he said softly, kindly smiling, "and I mean no disrespect…but did you ever go sky-diving or anything like that? Or scuba-diving?"
Beth shook her head, her eyes widening slightly. "Oh god no…sky diving definitely not. I would have been petrified! But I would have liked to have gone scuba-diving…I always loved swimmin' and everythin'…it's just awful to think now all there is to see is just a bunch of Walkers and dangerous bacteria in the ocean now."
Philip nodded. "I agree. But actually, I always loved sky-diving…the first time I ever did it was when I was in my senior year of college with my buddies, and I loved it so much I'd even go by myself from time to time on weekends and everything, lame as that sounds."
Beth smiled, only more intrigued.
He continued. "My wife and me actually would always go, too…she was always a daredevil and an adrenaline junkie just like me, and we couldn't get enough of it. Though once we found out she was pregnant we both agreed to give it up, and stop once Penny was born, or at least until she was older…we didn't want to take the small chance to risk anything happenin' to either of us."
Beth nodded, impressed. "Wow…that's very interestin'…truthfully I'd be far too scared to ever do that, but I know you probably had the time of your life doin' that."
Gently he nodded. "Yes…it was just so much fun and there's really not any comparable feeling in the world to hurtling through the air like that, free…it's the closest a person could ever get to flying…it was wonderful. And quite honestly it's a feeling I'll always miss," he said quietly, expression serious, and, she thought, almost morose for a second.
She knew exactly why, though. The horrible reality of how dangerous and evil the world had forever become, and the fact that life would never be normal again, was always a sobering and sad thing to come to terms with, and it was true that life every single day could feel downright claustrophobic at times…there truly were a lot of moments where one didn't feel free, and instead felt scared, anxious, or hopeless…and the fleeting moments where a person was able to feel happy, and free, and normal again, were precious and beautiful.
Yet he continued. "And yes…my wife and me went scuba-diving on our honeymoon and it was also amazing. I really think you would have enjoyed it if you ever had done it."
Beth nodded in agreement, almost saddened for one second at the reality that she never would be able to experience something like that. She also was more than fascinated by what he had told her.
Beth said, "Well…for me, I always felt like I was flyin' when I would ice-skate…it was honestly one of my favorite activities to do, and I can't tell you how many Saturday mornings I would be at the rink for hours. I actually always loved doin' figure eights and triple axels…and I was always pretty good at them if I do say so myself. I'll always miss not bein' able to do that anymore."
Philip nodded. "I agree…I actually always did like skating, too, as I've told you…though obviously I always used hockey skates."
Beth laughed a little, nodding.
"Somehow I think I knew that," she said softly, and he smiled a little.
Thinking, Beth said, "And I always was pretty good at diving…I always did like that, too. It was so freeing just diving into the water."
He nodded. "I always liked diving, too. It was fun. I taught myself when I was fifteen and I always liked doin' flips and everything like that."
Beth said, "I always liked playin' volleyball with my friends…that was probably one of my favorite sports as well. And my mother and me would always play tennis a lot at the country club my family belonged to…as well as Maggie and me. I'll always miss that."
A split second passed as she took a drink of water, momentarily pulled back into sorrow, but she blinked, making it pass.
Speaking again, shy once more, she softly said, "Well…any more dark secrets of yours that you would care to divulge, Philip?"
Thankfully he smiled a little, and he said, "I was a lifeguard at a water park for two summers my last two years in college…it was pretty fun and the pay was good. All of us also got to exclusively use the park for both ourselves, and anyone that we wanted to invite for the last two days before it officially closed for the season. That was great."
Beth smiled. "Wow…did you enjoy it? And did you have to save a lot of people?"
Gently he laughed. "I wouldn't say a lot but from time to time yeah, a pretty good number of people needed saving. But my last summer will always stick out to me…I was in charge of the wave pool one day and it could get pretty rough in the deeper part when they were on…there was this really obnoxiously bratty little kid that came there a lot who was just so annoying and not following rules…I had to keep blowing my whistle at him and honestly he was makin' me so mad I was about ready to kick him out of my section…he was so mean, too. He even pushed another little boy down and made him practically cry on another day, and that really infuriated me to the point I yelled at him and made him sit by me for fifteen minutes…that was really all I could do, sad as that is. Well, lo and behold, he ended up almost drowning and I had to save him. The kid couldn't even look at me afterward. He finally learned some humility."
Beth laughed a little. "Well…goodness. I hope he learned his lesson."
Philip rolled his eye, shaking his head. "God…no he didn't, unfortunately…He actually got in trouble for stealing food on another day when I wasn't there, so then he finally got what he deserved."
Philip continued. "And actually, ironically enough, I also had to save the little boy that the annoying kid pushed down on one occasion from the wave pool…I felt so bad for him. The poor guy was six and so scared after…I honestly felt so bad for him I bought him food with my own money and sat and talked with him for a little while. He was a sweet little kid."
Beth nodded, feeling pangs in her heart. "Oh…how awful! But at least you were able to make him feel better."
Philip nodded. "And…well…I did have to rescue an old lady once. She was nice. I felt really bad for her, too. She had a good sense of humor about the whole thing…and even told me I was a very handsome young man so it was worth it to have been rescued by me…I couldn't stop laughing. She was about eighty."
Beth laughed, and he smiled too. "I'll always remember that one. God."
But he continued once more. "But…I mean, on the whole, I really didn't have to rescue a ton of people. Just on occasion. And I did enjoy it."
Beth nodded. "Well that's always good," she said, and a peaceful silence fell once more.
Yet, the looming specter of her dream hit her once again, and Beth was unable to block all of the creeping fears and evil anxieties for one horrifying moment…but she dug her nails into her thigh, the pain momentarily distracting her.
Shaking herself slightly, she concentrated on the sound of his voice once more.
"Another thing is I always wanted to fly an airplane and take flying lessons…I just never did. I'll always regret that."
Beth nodded, feeling herself returning to normal slowly but surely.
Yet gently, he smiled, looking down at the table, adjusting his sleeve.
"Though I suppose I could always drink a bunch of alcohol and jump off a roof…that would certainly make a person think they're flying."
Beth laughed softly, knowing he was only kidding, and she nodded again.
"I always wanted to go to France before all this," she said quietly. "It's awful to think such beautiful places are overrun by Walkers now…Actually…we were goin' to as a family the…the summer after I finished high school…but obviously that never happened."
She knew she was unable to hide her sorrow as she remembered her mother and Shawn, and hated herself for showing it.
Philip nodded, his expression full of sorrow for her.
"I'm so sorry, Beth," he said softly, and she knew they both knew why.
Yet she made herself speak once again after a few moments, and she only cleared her throat before speaking.
"I used to write my own songs from time to time before all this, too," she said quietly, almost embarrassed as she divulged the information, sure he might find it silly.
"I don't know…I always did enjoy that, too."
Philip gently said, "That's very interesting and I'm sure they were very good."
Her lips twisted into a shy smile. "Oh…please…they weren't," she said. "Believe me…but thank you…"
Yet he shook his head. "I have no doubt they were," he said quietly, and she only blushed a little, before taking another sip of her water.
"I don't know…I actually always did like doin' magic tricks growin' up, lame as that probably sounds, with my friends…though we always made sure we did actually cool ones," he said, smiling a little.
"I even still did them in college…my wife actually didn't think they were as ridiculous as I thought she might…she just said they were actually surprisingly less pathetic than she had always been led to believe from her younger brother, and that I didn't suck too badly at them," he said, his gentle smile growing as he shook his head.
Beth laughed a little.
"God…she was just as outgoing as me and she always spoke her mind…that was one of the things I loved most about her. But she actually was a very kind, caring and sweet woman…believe me. Me and her would always joke with one another and give one another a hard time about things…it was great," he said quietly.
Beth smiled softly, sadness growing for him. "You don't have to convince me, Philip…I just know your wife was a wonderful woman."
Philip nodded softly. "Thank you, Beth," he said quietly, "and she certainly was."
A natural silence passed, before he finally cleared his throat and spoke once again.
"I don't know…I wouldn't have minded goin' to Japan before all this, to be honest. Or Germany…my wife and me were actually planning to go to both, but then we found out she was pregnant…but we didn't mind postponin' the trip until Penny was much older…we were both just so happy."
Even more sadness hit Beth, especially as his voice grew softer near the end, but he shook his head a little.
Another gentle silence fell, and then he said, "Though I have to admit Germany would have been amazing just for the chance to try all the beer."
He smiled gently, and he said, "I'm so sorry, Beth…you had such faith in me, but sightseein' would have been the second priority for me there."
Beth could not help her laugh from bubbling up, and she nodded. "Oh…it's certainly understandable," she said. "Not that I would know, though. But Shawn drank enough…as well as my daddy," she said quietly, thinking of her father's struggle with alcoholism, especially after they had lost Shawn and her mother and Patricia and Otis.
And even more sorrow hit her as she remembered them…Patricia and Otis had been like family, and she missed them so badly every day as well.
Yet…remembering how dark and scarred her father had been in the days after their deaths, it still pained Beth horrendously and cut her heart to the quick, and she tried, always, not to think of it.
Instantly, it seemed, Philip had noticed her pained expression, and when she looked up, she found he looked beyond stricken.
"Beth…are you alright? Did I say something wrong…"
Beth hastily shook her head. "Oh, no…no, Philip…you didn't…I…oh…I…it's just…my daddy always struggled with alcoholism before I was born, and after we lost…my…my mother and brother… I…he…he had a brief relapse…but oh, he's fine now," she said hastily, noticing just how guilty Philip's face was fast becoming.
"I…oh…sometimes whenever alcohol is mentioned…I…I'll…think of that at the oddest times…but most of the time I don't, even when I'm around alcohol…it just…comes on randomly," she said truthfully, looking down at the table, and Philip slowly, remorsefully shook his head.
"I'm so sorry, Beth," he said softly. "I'm awful for triggering bad memories for you by mentionin' alcohol like I did…I…"
Beth stood up, gently leaning over the table, and soothingly took one of his warm hands in hers…the bandaged one, she noted sadly; she gently squeezed, and tried in vain to ignore the rapid skipping of her heartbeat and the somersaulting of her stomach…as well as the rapidly growing heat in her cheeks.
His one blue eye trained on her all the while as she spoke, his guilt clear, Beth gently said, "Oh…Philip…believe me…you didn't know…how could you? And believe me…it's more than fine. Don't worry about it."
The moment seemed to stretch forever as they simply stared at each other, but he finally nodded.
Beth gently nodded as well and released his hand then, before sitting down, taking another drink of water.
Outdoors, though, as always, the sun was slowly just beginning to sink beneath the horizon, and she knew, with a sinking feeling in her gut, that it was time to leave for the week.
It was he who finally spoke; she felt that familiar clenching in her heart, of panic and disappointment and…as she briefly recalled her dream…fear, multiplied even more so now.
"I'll walk you out, Beth."
Beth nodded, wishing with all of her body that she could quell the rapid thrumming of her heart.
Slowly she got up, and together they walked out to the gate.
The air, as always, was cooler, and as they finally reached it, and he turned to her, Beth could not find words to speak.
Yet, oh… however could she even begin to?
Staring at him, her dream creeping into the forefront of her mind once more, Beth could only stand there quietly.
A breeze hit, blowing both his hair and her own, yet she only numbly registered its coldness.
How could she even begin to say all that she wanted to say…all that she sometimes thought of…all that scared her…all that terrified her and worried her…and, truthfully, things that she didn't even know that she wanted to say to him?
And how could she ever, ever begin to even ask him the one thing that had the power to terrify her with his answer?
What did he truly think of her?
And…did he think of her as much as she always thought of him? Did he worry about her as much as she worried about him every single week?
Yet…oh, of course he didn't. Of course not…Beth knew that, she did, with all of her heart…yet she could not explain the sinking feeling in her breast that she felt from thinking of those sure realities.
And…oh…goodness…it was certainly for the best that she was far too shy and timid to even begin to ask or say…oh, she did not even know the words and questions that she wanted to say to him…but whatever they were, it was certainly for the best that she could not bring herself to.
It was certainly for the best that her crippling embarrassment and the stumbling of her tongue would stop her from making a fool out of herself in front of him…and certainly for the best that she was far too much of a coward to…
Yet Beth stopped her thoughts, another hitting her.
Besides…Philip certainly wasn't going to stay here forever. That she knew as well…soon he would burn down Woodbury and be forever on his way, moving on with his life, forever only a memory to her.
Oh…Beth knew that as surely as anything…one of these weeks, in the not-so distant future, he would gently tell her that he was so sorry, but that this was the last time they would ever meet, and kindly wish her well in life, his warm, gentle touch on her arm branding her for the rest of her life…
She knew that more than anything…but Beth still was unprepared for the vivid, clenching twisting she felt of her heart at the thought of it…
But they were living on borrowed time, as everyone left living in the world was… Their time together every week, his and hers, was all borrowed, and no more permanent and ever-lasting than the weather…
Besides…oh…even if he did feel…yet Beth did not even know what it was that she wanted him to feel…she didn't…but…
They would never be able to continue seeing each other like this every single week, even if he were to stay…never…
Oh, it would never work…never…and besides, even if she wanted to live in another world with Philip…and oh, that wasn't what she wanted…it couldn't be…would she at all be able to pay the price?
Imagining her family and friend's heartbreaking hatred towards her and harsh words made her wither inside, and Beth quickly pushed the thoughts down.
And yet…Beth imagined, again, the horrible reality of arriving here one week only to find he had been bitten, as he had been in her dream, and she could only think of which would be worse…him being bitten or leaving forever as he soon would…and without question, the former won, though both left her feeling bereft inside, as both would involve her never seeing him again…
Now the fear was strangling her heart as she only saw an awful, imaginary bite wound on him, and another breeze hit, almost cruelly foreboding to her…
Yet Philip seemed to have noticed how tortured she looked, as he spoke gently.
"Beth…are you all right? You look…"
At the sound of his voice, Beth slowly mentally shook herself, and made herself speak.
"I…oh, I'm so sorry…I…yes…yes, I am…I…"
She made herself lie again.
"I…the blood I saw…it's honestly just nerve-wracking thinkin' about it."
Beth hollowly swallowed and made herself smile, though it didn't reach her eyes.
Philip spoke again.
"I'm so sorry again…but god…Beth, you look like you're goin' to be sick…do you…"
Hastily Beth shook her head. "No! No…oh, Philip, I…I'm so sorry…"
She had finally reawakened, and hated herself for being so transparent to everyone…
Philip said, "There's nothin' at all to be sorry for, Beth."
A beat passed, and then he softly said, "But are you sure you're feelin' okay? Do you want some more water or something?"
Without warning, he came closer to her and put a warm hand on her right arm, only causing her stomach to somersault and her heart to violently palpitate…
The concern on his face for her was what hit her most, and for one moment, she could not breathe.
He was simply staring at her, and she at him, and they were so achingly close just then…
Another breeze hit, and Beth's heart, never before, it seemed, had ever beaten so fast.
Yet she finally was able to shake her head no once again, and after a few heart-stopping moments of silence as he only looked at her, he finally nodded and removed his hand.
A few more beats of silence passed, and then Philip quietly said, "Maybe this will take your mind off of it…or at least make you feel better."
He gently smiled just a little, and he softly said, "Now, mind you…I would flat-out deny this admission to anyone else in the world…believe me…but I lied when I said that me likin' Tarzan was one of the worst secrets I have."
He slowly shook his head, looking at the ground, and said, "God…I'm cringing already…but I sincerely hope this will at least make you laugh. You can feel free to mock me, Beth."
In spite of her anxiety, Beth felt herself slowly beginning to smile, and she softly said, "Oh, goodness. Now I'm intrigued."
Finally he looked back at her, and slowly shook his head again, his smile growing.
"Alright…god. You obviously know how roller disco started in the 1970s?
Beth nodded, her smile slowly growing, and he broke off.
"Well…I was born in 1972, and it was still really big in the 1980s…in 1983 I was eleven, and for some reason I really loved doin' that by myself…the roller disco rink by my house was always full, and I would always go there on Friday nights…especially when they would have retro night. And me and this old lady even entered a contest together once and we got second place."
Beth could only look at him, her smile monumentally growing by the minute.
She could see him grimacing a little good-naturedly as he smiled, and he said, "I didn't dare tell any of my friends, or Brian…they would have laughed at me and I don't blame them. I would just walk there and they would have free admission nights for kids fourteen and under…but god…I loved it so much that I did it up until I was fourteen. Then, by the time I turned fifteen, I finally realized what a dork I was and gave it up."
Beth said, "Oh my goodness…I just wish there was video! I'd pay to see that."
Philip shook his head, smiling again, and said, "Oh, god, Beth…no you don't want to! Believe me…I was all scrawny and nerdy and lame…god…"
Philip tousled his hair, and he said, "I only told Brian about that finally one day when we were drinking one day when I was eighteen and he was twenty and that was a big mistake…he laughed so much I honestly threatened to leave him at the clearing we went to in the woods."
His smile grew, and Beth finally could not help but laugh, somehow completely able to forget her fears for just one moment.
Philip slowly shook his head again. "I'd hoped that would make you laugh with just how pathetic that is," he said softly.
Beth only shook her own head at him, feeling awful for having laughed, and she only went forward and gently touched his arm.
"Oh…Philip, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to laugh! I feel just awful…"
He laughed a little, softly. "God…Beth…do you hear yourself? There's nothin' to be sorry for…"
Beth colored a little, even as she still smiled, and she only gently said, "Well, I still do."
She stepped back then, removing her hand, and he slowly shook his head.
"You really do amaze me, Beth, though not in a bad way…believe me," he said softly, and at his words, her heart flipped.
Though she shook herself inside…he hadn't meant it in an underlying way at all…he hadn't…
But the moment of reprieve from her fears slowly passed, and before long, they returned in full force.
Again, Beth could only stare at him, before being startled from her trance at his speaking again.
"Really, though, are you sure you're all right, Beth?" he gently asked once again. "I'll gladly get you some…"
Again, Beth shook her head, speaking softly.
"Oh, Philip…I'm fine…really…"
The moment seemed to stretch forever as she looked at him, but to her surprise, he soon spoke.
"Wait here…I'll be right back."
She did so, beyond confused, and before long, Philip was back, carrying a plastic bag with him.
He handed it to her, and Beth took it, perplexed.
"Goodness…what's all of this?"
He slowly shook his head. "Don't worry about it, Beth," he said gently. "Just some extra water and stuff…and some juice. Don't worry about it."
Beth stared at him, beyond touched, and she said, "Oh…thank you very much…"
Philip nodded, and opened the gate finally, at long last.
Again, for one moment, Beth could only stare, the fear of just what could happen to him threatening to consume her.
Yet she only went forward and gently touched his arm, hoping he wouldn't see just how worried she looked in her eyes.
"Thank you again, Philip…and have a wonderful week."
He nodded, and said, "You too, Beth. And believe me…you don't have to thank me for anything."
Beth simply stared at him, nodding, before finally removing her hand.
Glancing one last time at his injured hand the sorrow hit her again, and she softly said, "Please…be in one piece by next week."
Philip said, "Anything for you, Beth."
At the words, she almost flinched; remembering how he had said that to her in her dream was almost painfully horrifying now, but she concentrated on him once more.
"Honestly, though…have a wonderful week, Beth. See you next week."
Beth made herself smile, before finally walking through the gate, another cold breeze finally making her shiver.
And, that evening, sitting on her cot, when she finally brought herself to look in the bag he had given her, Beth could not help the lump in her throat that formed when she discovered, in the very bottom of the bag, the can of peaches.