As Barbara slept beside him, his own eyes wouldn't shut, frustration and fear eating him inside like acid. His hand unconsciously returning to where she touched him. It was such a small touch. So fleeting.

God, he had promised to himself that he would not indulge those thoughts anymore. He had been trying so hard. And now, he had even dragged Babs into this. He eyed her sleeping form beside him, she had no idea, but she was not stupid, here was a reason why he haven't invited her before, she'd see, she knew him well, Donna knew in no time. And when she did, and she realised…

He turned away from her, bitter disgust filling his mouth like bile, but he made himself swallow down. That was nothing compared to what he deserved. But he really thought, he truly believed that she, and the feelings they once shared, the powerful pull of the first love could steal his heart back and release him from the agony that was wanting a woman that could never be his.

Yet, even after having Babs hands all over him, the touch that still remained engraved to his skin was that of the points of her fingers. Kory made him a man he never believed he could be. A man that dared to rewrite Shakespeare. Her eyes were like the sun, and what chance had a summer's day in comparison to the warmth of her smile?

Such was his fixation, that one single moment became a whole movie inside his head. There was so much material in between, no possibility for skin to meet, his armour, her long gloves, cruel impervious barriers. Somehow, he still felt it, her. Engraving his skin. And he knew it had nothing to do with how just a few moments after that same touch would become lethal in a way that made literal sense, real fire, instead of silly poetic comparisons his yearning ridden brain sung about.

Since then, the scene kept replaying under his eyelids, relentlessly. Bringing him back there, the memory gaining strength, morphing into an entirely new thing. Locking in him inside another of his vivid fantasies. His brain no more haunting him with accusations of past actions, now it taunted him with what ifs.

There is no Gotham there, no Jason, no Bruce, not witnesses when he pulls her gloves with his teeth, her eyes darkening with desire as he kisses her palm, her free hand grabbing his head by the roots of his hair in such a demanding way that that constriction of his tight armour hurts. She could kill him with her fire, yet the blows life through the seam of his lips.

And then he's back to his childhood bed, next to the wrong woman.

He was no stranger to insomnia and the night terrors were so common he mostly didn't mind them anymore. But that was so much worse, and no one teach you skills for dealing with good dreams. He tried to hard to avoid the truth, but even after being inside of a woman who deserved so much better than being used as a denial strategy, he was already betraying her, lying there by her side in flesh only, while his mind was trapped in a state of self-hatred and vivid dreams about a woman he couldn't have.

Kory would leave soon, he knew, she quite literally didn't belong to his world.

When she told him, three months ago, the only thing he was grateful for was that she, wise as always, chose to tell him in private, before sharing with the rest of the family.

It had in no way of form been easy to keep his cool in front of just Kory. It was very hard to keep his cool in front of her, even when she was not telling him she was Crown Princess of an entire planet elsewhere, but he was considering not having been surprised in front of his whole family a small mercy.

The most terrifying thing about Kory, far than her super strength or starfire, it was the way she could just read him, as if all his training was time wasted. Donna could do that too, but she had decades of experience with his bullshit. Kory knew him for what? A year? It felt like ages. Sometimes he even wondered if she was really psychic, but he had been too ashamed to ask.

She avoided his eyes that day, as if she was ashamed too. Of bringing another problem after the hell they had been gone through. He knew she had been struggling with shame concerning the mission that brought her to Earth. He wondered if that was what made her stay away. Kory was proud, but somehow it didn't look like a flaw in her, yet it made him cower, there was so much he wanted to ask, to know about her. But as she told him her story, hands nervously playing with her rings, plump shimmering lips moving with each word, his throat closed. The ability to talk a long lost dream.

When she ended her tale, he could see she was waiting for him to say something, anything. Sadness and disappointment clouding her eyes after he just stood there, frozen. She smiled softly, and touched his chest before leaving the room. He could remember following her movements with his eyes. He could see and feel with detail the alternative timeline in which he reached for her, pulled her into his arms and told her that it didn't matter who she was, where she was from, why she came to Earth. He was in love with her, like he never thought it was possible outside of epic writing, and there was no way he'd let anyone hurt her or take her away.

But he didn't.

And as he watched her walk away, swinging her hips in that way that made his thoughts slow to the cadence of her movements, he closed his eyes hard. Making his decision on spot. Of course, he couldn't tell her, pursue her, even dream... The time they shared was stolen, and not much of it remained. Of course, there was no way heaven would be missing it's special angel forever. Of course, there was no chance, and it had been arrogantly naïve of him to even wish.

That night, she had done it again, grazed two fingers, across his heart. And although he was not stupid, and knew there was nothing more to it in her mind. It was as if she was mocking him. Going back to the scene of the crime, savouring the hallowing emptiness where his heart used to reside in, evidence of her victory. Emptiness that would only grow and swallow him whole when she'd return to where she belonged and he could not follow.

My own super-power is making excuses for this asshole Dick Grayson.