"Mother. Father." Hercules gave his parents a hug as they tottered up to the vestibule. "I mean human mother and human father," he said loudly, not wanting to incur the wrath of Zeus and Hera.

"It's so nice to see you again, Hercules," Alcmene said.

"We always knew you would grow up to become something special," Amphitryon agreed.

"Thanks," Hercules said bashfully. His parents were so old and gentle - they were old and gentle when he was a baby too - that he was humbled to have been able to make it while they were still alive.

"Are those human parents I hear?" Meg called from the other room, the little plit-plat of her footsteps approaching.

"Meg?" Hercules' face flamed, airing out his collar. "Meg, I think we need more… grapes."

"There's a whole vineyard of them outside."

"There's a spot of water on the floor there."

"Do I look like the help?"

"Don't you want some earrings?"

"What's wrong with the ones I have on?"

"… Can you take Phil for a walk?"

"Mutton Man can walk himself. Human parents!" Meg extended her arms, going in for a hug.

"Meg, dear?" Hercules said sweetly, shaking his head so vigorously he looked like a bobblehead.

Meg smiled in pretend confusion as she received love from his parents. "It's great to finally meet you, Megara," Alcmene said.

"Likewise."

"Anyone to make Hercules give up Heaven must be someone worth meeting," Amphitryon added.

"Yep." Meg blew out a breath and removed her wrap. "So hot in here… "

Hercules' jaw dropped. Just a second ago, it was freezing!

Alcmene and Amphitryon's mouths fell open too. "Why dear, what happened?" she said.

"Wha… ? Oh, the bruises. Well, Hercules - "

"It was an accident," he blustered.

That didn't help his case much, did it? The elderly couple went over to wordlessly touch and feel Meg, who if Hercules didn't know any better, seemed to be enjoying all the attention! "Does it hurt when I do this?" Amphitryon lightly brushed her arm, to which Meg grunted softly.

"Nope. Not at all," she lied.

"I-it was an accident," Hercules said weakly. "I… we were playfighting and - "

"So it was an accident that you were playfighting or an accident that she's covered in bruises?" a suspicious Phil said.

"Phil, you butt out," Hercules snapped. He thought his trainer was putting up Pegasus in the yard. "Okay yes maybe I play too hard… but it shouldn't cause those bruises. Do you have some kind of deficiency or something?"

"Nope," Meg said so quickly it made him mad. "I'm as healthy as a horse. A winged horse. Ha-ha, Pegasus joke."

"But… "

"Come with me, dear," Alcmene said, leading her to one of the many wine buckets in the kitchen. "Let's put some ice on it… "

"Herc iced already," Meg said. "Didn't help much… "

"He must have hit you pretty hard then." Amphitryon shook his head.

"No b-b-but - I don't - I didn't hit - Meg, tell them!"

Meg smirked. "No, he didn't hit me," she said. "I mean yes, he gets mad at me sometimes, but he never hits me."

"What do you mean, he gets mad?" Amphitryon asked.

"Just." Meg shrugged. "He likes things a certain way… and when things don't go your way… you get mad."

"I do not get mad! Now stop making up lies!"

Alcmene and Amphitryon shielded a shaken Meg behind them. Hercules felt like he had taken crazy pills.

"Why don't you come with us, dear?" Amphitryon said. "There are lots of people out in the carriage; we'll take you to some of them."

"No, you can't," Hercules protested. "The PR people are coming. We need to make a good impression."

"You just wanna beat her up again."

"Phil, for the love of Hades… "

"For the love of Hades what?" Phil circled his fists. "What? Whattaya gonna do? You gonna beat me up too? Again?"

Amphitryon gasped: "You hit Phil?" Alcmene looked disgusted.

"I… once, okay?" Hercules broke. He couldn't lie to his parents. "But that was only because he wouldn't stop running his mouth about my wife."

"I will run my mouth about whatever and whichever I see fit," Phil blustered. "She was an evil broad back then. No offense."

"None taken." Meg loved it when she was reminded!

"You cannot hit somebody because they say something you don't like," Alcmene chided.

"I know, Ma, and I didn't - I mean I did - but only with Phil - and I apologized for it already - "

"No you didn't."

"Phil… " Hercules closed his eyes. "Don't go there with me today."

"Or what? Gonna beat me up too?"

This argument was going round in circles. And the party guests would be up in no time!

. . .