Note: This is the revised chapter 3
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Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own anything related to the Star Trek universe. I just like to play with it.
The Star Trek: TNG episode titled "The Child" was originally written by Jaron Summers, Jon Povill and Maurice Hurley, and directed by Rob Bowman.
The Child
Chapter 3
The doors closed and Riker was left alone in the turbo lift. Troi needed some space. He got that. And although most of his questions were still unanswered, he felt a little better. The commander regretted that their exchange had been mostly a heated argument, but at least it had ended well. He knew Troi was under a lot of pressure and that her outburst had been justified. He felt a little selfish for demanding too much too soon, but with all that was going through his mind…he had found it nearly impossible to act reasonably.
They would see each other later, though, so until then the commander would gather his attention and turn it towards work. Maybe also catch a nap before seeing Troi, since those few hours of sleep were wearing thin.
"Picard to Commander Riker." the first officer's comm badge chirped and the captain's voice filled the silence.
"Sir?" he answered.
"May I see you in my ready room, Number One?" It sounded like a question, but it really wasn't.
"Of course, captain. On my way." Riker tapped his comm badge and instructed the lift to take him to the bridge.
Now he didn't feel like talking, he thought, suddenly understanding how Troi had felt a few moments ago.
The turbolift took him and his thoughts to their destination.
The chime announced a visitor and Picard invited him in.
"Will." His acknowledgment was his greeting. "Please, have a seat." The captain gestured towards one of the chairs at his desk.
"Sir." The commander returned the greeting.
Captain Picard set aside the documents he was reviewing and asked: "I'm having tea, commander, would you care to join me?"
"I would, thank you." Riker quickly conformed to the unexpected informality. "But a cup of coffee instead would be great." He added. Unlike the captain, he wasn't much of a tea drinker, and coffee would help a lot right now.
The captain had their choices replicated and passed the commander his cup.
The commander thanked him and as the captain sipped his tea, he decided to go ahead and acknowledge his abrupt exit from the observation lounge that morning. "Captain, I apologize for running out of the meeting this morning. It wasn't—"
"There is no need for an apology, Number One," Picard interrupted. "As I recall, you were dismissed."
Riker thought for a moment. "That's true, sir," he finally agreed and fell silent, watching the steam rise from the cup in his hands.
"Did you reach her?" The captain asked unexpectedly after a short, silent moment.
"Excuse me, sir?" The question startled the commander from the coffee he was contemplating.
"Did you reach Counselor Troi before she left the bridge?" Picard rephrased.
"Oh…right, yes…yes I did." Riker straightened up in the chair and took a sip of his coffee, unsure of how proceed.
"And…" Picard coaxed him on.
"Uh…we…" the commander shifted in his chair, unsure of how to recount his argument with Troi.
"I'm asking, Number One, because I'm assuming there was a verbal exchange between both of you," the captain asked after a short pause.
Riker nodded, having recovered from his momentary lapse. "Yes, there was, we…well, we argued, mostly…" He sighed and sank back into the chair feeling mentally and physically drained. The captain wanted to talk on a personal level, so he felt free to relax his professional act a bit.
"Hmm…I hope neither one of you caused too much damage."
Riker thought back to the things they had said to each other. Troi's protests of him not speaking in her defense, his own hurt pride lashing out at her in anger…
"It got a little intense…but we can look past that." They could always do that, Troi and he. They could always look past each other's faults and find each other. It was something that their bond had strengthened, and in turn, their will to find each other strengthened that bond.
"I'm confident that you can," assured the captain, and quickly took control of the conversation "Will, I'm not looking for the intimate details, but I need to know if my first officer is in the necessary frame of mind to carry out his duties." He leaned back in his chair.
"Captain," Riker leaned forward and started to speak in his defense but stopped. He would have to be forthcoming with his commanding officer if he was to be trusted with the captain's ship. Riker looked down at the desk's surface for a moment, while his brain switched gears.
"I can't deny that this whole thing really shook me up," the commander leaned back into his chair as he began to speak "I mean, regarding Deanna and myself. I don't know how involved I'm supposed to be if…" he left the words unsaid "but until I figure things out..." He stopped before he incriminated himself.
"You've got a lot on your mind." Picard summed up the commander's thought, finally realizing what was different about the commander since he saw him before the staff meeting. He had seemed permanently stunned since that morning.
Riker knew he had been walking around with an aura of gloom about him, and the captain had just confirmed it was obvious to anyone. But what would he do without his work to take his mind off everything else? "Captain, I can do my job. Whatever might hint you otherwise is more than likely that I've had very little sleep," the commander justified.
"Are the father of this child?" It was a rather bold question that the captain asked as casually as he could.
Riker didn't see it coming. "…I…I don't know…yet, Sir."
Picard nodded. "I'm excusing you of today's duties, Number One." The commander started to protest again, but stopped when the captain lifted his hand and continued speaking, "Only to give you some time and space to gather your bearings."
"Captain…that isn't necessary."
"It is necessary, Will," The captain interrupted "I know you are incapable of neglecting your duties, but I wouldn't be doing mine if I allowed you to neglect yourself. If you were physically ill, I would do the same." Picard leaned forward and rested his hands on the surface of his desk, his fingers entwined. "I'm giving you the opportunity to prioritize your personal issues, Commander, and I insist that you take it. I'm doing this for Deanna as much as I am doing it for you."
The captain's intense stare confirmed his intention of not taking no for an answer. Riker inwardly acknowledged that the captain's offer of a day off to clear things up with Troi was reasonable, and he would be wise to accept it.
"Thank you, sir. It's very generous of you." The commander graciously accepted, but he still didn't want the captain getting the wrong impression "But…just so you know, captain, the counselor and I had already agreed to talk later today before gamma shift on the bridge."
"That's excellent, Number One," Picard praised him. "And now you can talk all through your shift," he added with a grin, deflecting any possible second thoughts from Riker. "I hope it's enough time to get some of the answers you need."
"So do I, captain," the first officer agreed.
Both sat in silence again and sipped from their cups, each in their own thoughts.
"I gather the counselor didn't reveal much," Picard ventured with another personal question.
Riker shook his head from side to side as he considered how much to tell. "Not much," he confirmed. "We argued…it was a bad approach. I was inconsiderate." He gave the captain the general idea.
"Well, I wouldn't dwell too much on that. I'm certain that Deanna understands the reasons behind your behavior, no matter how irrational," the captain appeased.
"I know she does, I just don't like hurting her…and, frankly, I don't know how to avoid doing that without knowing where I stand," the commander disclosed.
"Will, Doctor Crusher said that the fetal DNA analysis could be done this evening," the captain reminded him. "You'll have your definitive answer by then."
The thought made Riker's heart skip a beat, but not for the reason he would have liked. "I know, sir." His tension showed.
"You don't seem very eager," Picard observed.
The commander glanced at the captain, then released a breath and stared into his empty cup. "I'm worried about the results."
"I think all of us are worried about the results, Number One," said Picard, grinning slightly, but he quickly sobered. "But we also understand that none of us are as compromised by them as you are."
Riker just nodded.
Picard realized he had reached a point where he didn't know what else to say to distract his first officer's brooding. As he stood from behind his desk, to conclude the conversation, the captain offered what Crusher had suggested soon after Riker had bolted out of the meeting that morning. "Why don't you have a talk with Doctor Crusher? She can give you her perspective on what is happening with the counselor, and it might help you understand things better…at least until you see her," The captain said as he walked around his desk.
Riker stood. "That's a good idea, captain. I might do that." Maybe getting the rational side from the doctor would clue him in to something helpful.
"I'm glad you agree," said Picard as they reached the door. Before they opened, he stopped and offered a thought, "I have a very rare bottle of authentic Saurian brandy just waiting to be opened…I hope that, regardless of everything else, this turns out to be the occasion."
The captain's words triggered a sincere smile from Riker. In his own tactful way, Picard had given the commander his support and confessed his wish to share in his and Troi's happiness.
"Thank you, sir. You have no idea how much I appreciate your support." A fresh memory flashed in Will's mind. "…And I think Deanna might need to hear that too, captain," Riker hinted.
Picard nodded "I'll be sure to tell her."
Riker took that as his cue and excused himself from the captain's ready room. He walked up the ramp and into the turbo lift.
The doors slid shut and the commander took a breath to state his destination, but no sound came out. He had nowhere to be. He hadn't had a chance to think about that. "Computer, locate Doctor Crusher."
"Doctor Crusher is in sickbay."
The commander considered the captain's suggestion about talking to the doctor. What could Crusher tell him that wasn't already in her report? He didn't think that she would break doctor – patient confidentiality even for him.
Coward. His own voice rang in his head.
He leaned back against the side of the lift and exhaled a long, drawn-out breath. "Yeah, I probably am." The commander said out loud. But, upon giving it a little thought, he realized that perhaps he just didn't want to know anything more until he knew the truth about the baby Troi was carrying. Without that knowledge, he would risk drawing a wrong conclusion.
Riker decided to change out of his uniform before figuring out what to do. "Deck nine." he stated and set the turbo lift in motion.
As the lift moved, Riker remembered to contact Engineering, just to stay informed. "Riker to LaForge" he said.
"LaForge here. Everything okay Commander?" he answered, justifiably concerned for the commander after seeing him rush out of the staff meeting that morning.
How do you define 'okay'? He thought.
"As good as it can be for now, Geordi," he answered the question as vaguely as possible and then got down to business "Have you started the report on the random energy transfer?"
"Data has. I'm still finishing up here. Several of the molecular pattern files in the replicator memory were corrupted, so we're fixing that and using the opportunity to run some updates." The chief engineer explained.
"Okay…" said the commander as he stepped out of the lift. "I'll contact Data, then. Thanks, Geordi."
"No problem, Commander," said the engineer. "I hope Counselor Troi is alright."
"I think she'll be okay, thanks. Riker out."
He reached the entrance to his quarters but instead of going in, he looked down the corridor at another familiar set of doors. Troi was probably in her quarters, he thought. He pictured her there, maybe reading, or drinking hot chocolate, or reviewing a patient's file…
"Computer, locate Counselor Troi." He gave in to what he thought was an absurd need to keep track of her.
"Counselor Troi is in her quarters."
He tried to reach out and sense her with his mind, but the attempt was in vain. He hadn't been able initiate spontaneous contact with her like that for a long time. The commander gave up and entered his quarters, hoping the hours would pass quickly, but at the same time uncertain of his desire to face what was coming.
The counselor awoke from her nap. She had dozed off on her sofa wrapped in a soft blanket while reviewing her weekly schedule. She had rescheduled her appointments after receiving a message from the captain relieving her from her duties for the day.
She stood and felt the nagging anticipation of her evening visit to sickbay. The doubts wanted to come back to flood her mind, but she blocked them. There was no point in torturing herself with questions she couldn't answer, so she looked for something to distract her.
Troi checked the time display on the panel by the replicator. She had slept for about an hour and felt significantly more rested. She decided to change out of her work clothes and into a more comfortable, informal outfit. As she looked through her clothes, her stomach grumbled, and she remembered that all she had eaten that day was four cookies and a cup of almond milk. Her stomach grumbled again.
"Am I going to be hungry all the time because of you?" She said out loud before realizing she was talking to the baby.
Every time she thought of it, the idea of being pregnant and having a baby in the very near future became a little more tangible. But there still was a kind of haze surrounding the thought, making it unreal, and it made her unsure of what she was supposed to feel. But Troi knew what she wanted to feel. She couldn't even consider not having this baby or not wanting to care for it as her own child. It was like a protective reflex every time the baby came to mind.
She allowed herself to dwell on it a moment, then pulled an outfit out of her closet and changed into it. The counselor fixed her hair, touched up her makeup, and went over to the replicator for some supper.
As Troi stood in front of the replicator ready to order her food, the door chime rang. She could easily sense Riker standing outside.
"Come in," she said turning towards the door.
The opening doors revealed the first officer standing with his hands in his pockets, and as the barrier between them disappeared, his eyes quickly locked on her.
Troi's eyes followed Riker as he sauntered in. His body language projected calm, but the aura of conflicting emotions surrounding him ruined his bluff. The counselor thought a distraction was the best way to get his mind off his distress.
"I was about to have supper, I'm starving. Have you eaten?" She asked the commander.
He thought for an instant. "I had a sandwich for lunch…guess I could use a refill." He welcomed the distraction and the chance to be in each other's company without the pressure of going straight into the subject.
"What would you like?" Troi asked him.
"Whatever you're having," he answered as he set the table. Riker had sort of lost his appetite since that morning and had only eaten that sandwich to make his stomach stop growling. It had surprised him, too. Few things had ever managed to preoccupy him to that extreme. He had never imagined a little baby could be so intimidating.
"Are you sure?" the counselor knew his eating habits and didn't think he would be too satisfied with the somewhat bland meal she had chosen.
Riker stopped what he was doing and looked back at her. "Why? You're not weird cravings already, are you?"
The counselor frowned at the unexpected remark, but then quickly caught on, "Oh," she whispered to herself, turning towards the replicator to hide her grin. "No, I mean I'm just having a simple meal. It might not be to your liking."
"What are you having?" he asked her.
Troi read her choices from the panel "Quinoa soup, and steamed Dalarian ice fish on vegetable stir fry."
Riker nodded a little as he listened "Sounds great," he said with a smile and finished setting the table.
Troi ordered the soup and waited as two small steaming bowls materialized, on a tray, in the replicator. She was about to lift the tray from the slot when she felt him come up behind her.
"Let me get that for you." He inadvertently spoke right into her ear from his position behind her.
Riker was standing so close to her that Troi felt the warmth of his body and his breath against her ear as he spoke. His arm brushed against hers as he held the tray in place. His other hand covered her shoulder and guided her towards the table.
Their momentary closeness made her realize how much she had been missing his touch lately. Especially today. The sudden need to be wrapped in his arms was strong, but she managed to produce just a thankful smile for him. Troi took a seat at the table as Riker placed her bowl of soup in front of her. She thanked him as he sat down beside her with his own bowl.
They ate their food in comfortable silence, occasionally making casual comments. The rain cloud that had been following her was now hovering over them both.
The counselor glanced at Riker. He was distracted eating, so she took advantage of his silence and dove a little deeper into the emotions she sensed from him. The commander's desire to talk was strong, but Troi felt he was being held back by uncertainty. There was also guilt buzzing around, and hope was poking through in the background, but ominous thoughts were keeping it at bay.
"I'm not having weird cravings, by the way," Troi said with a soft smile, and gently initiated a conversation after several minutes of silence.
Riker smiled at her comment. "Yeah…sorry about that. Just…the first thing that came to mind." He shook his head "This is really good, by the way." He said gesturing to the food on his plate. "This is that Betazoid river fish, right?"
Troi nodded. "Glacial rivers in the Dalarian mountains." To get to the point they at least had to start talking. "I love its soft flavor."
"Yeah…it's really good. It really captures the flavor of the herbs." He awarded Deanna a charming smile.
"Excellent choice."
"Thank you." She smiled right back into in his blue eyes.
They were caught in each other's gaze, unable to continue evading the real reason for their private meeting.
Troi sensed Riker wanted to talk, but his jumbled emotions were making it difficult for him to initiate the conversation so, without hesitation, she took the first step.
"Will, I really am sorry I couldn't explain things to you properly…It's difficult to believe that all of it happened just this morning," Troi reflected.
The commander slowly put his fork down. "No, Deanna, I'm sorry…I didn't think things through…I pushed you to give me answers that you didn't have, I raised my voice at you…I don't know what I was thinking." He paused and searched her gaze. When their eyes locked again, he said "Forgive me?"
She had to smile. His apology was sincere and uncomplicated…kind of like Will. "I'm a grown woman, Will. I can handle a little yelling."
He chuckled halfheartedly and shifted in his chair. "Yeah…I know. You're tougher than you look," he said giving her a knowing smile "Still…" he turned serious again. "I hate treating you like that." he settled his eyes on the table centerpiece. "I feel like such an asshole."
The counselor leaned back and sighed. "You reacted to what you were feeling, Will. I understand that. It was one of the reactions I had prepared for…or thought I had," because it had hurt anyway "…but," she backtracked, "how could you have thought things through? You had no time to process it all. I wanted to tell you earlier, but..." Troi remembered Crusher keeping her in Sickbay and trying to reach Riker in engineering... "things didn't go quite as planned", she regretted.
"Deanna, don't blame yourself for anything." Riker reassured her and leaned closer to cover her small hand with his. "No one has to carry as much of this burden as you, and it's not fair to put any blame on yourself."
His hand felt warm and reassuring wrapped around hers, but his words gave Troi pause. "I really hadn't thought of it as a burden…" she said with an air of disappointment.
They fell silent and Riker realized how alone she must have been feeling. He wanted her to be happy and to share in that happiness, but he couldn't be that optimistic. Not yet. He didn't want to allow himself to consider a possibility that might not be. He really didn't want to face the feelings that could surface. There were too many coincidences between Troi's pregnancy and the still unexplained events surrounding it, and it would be denial not to consider this a possible first contact experience between the Enterprise and an unknown life form. He had to be prepared for that. But, why like this, and why with her? That's what he would find out. And, what if it is mine?
As shocked as he was about it, Riker had no doubt in his mind that he would love his child.
And Deanna? It's not like he could just stand at the sidelines and assume that she would be fine handling this on her own. The true nature of this baby couldn't stand in the way of their evolving relationship, and if they were truly imzadi, their bond had to stand up to anything. If she needed him, then he would be there, and they would have to deal with the situation together as it progressed.
The counselor could sense that Riker had come to a kind of peace with something. During the minute they had been silent he had stared at some spot on the table, but then he gently turned her hand over in his and held it, slowly stroking her soft skin as he weighed something in his mind. She sensed he was trying to find balance. However, her own growing feelings of dread and worst of all, loneliness, pulled Troi back into her own turmoil. They overshadowed her sense of Riker's emotions and made it difficult for her to concentrate on him.
What is it that we are afraid to admit? She thought. The baby was forcing them to deal with a pivotal choice about their relationship a lot sooner than they would have predicted. And if they wanted to move on, they would have to confront it.
The commander's voice startled her out of her thoughts.
"Deanna, we might know the DNA of the baby in a few hours, and I know that the possibility exists that the baby could be mine, but…" he paused and Troi nodded slowly.
She spoke before he could continue, "It also could be an alien life-form."
Troi said it, and their eyes immediately met. She felt the spark of fear that crossed between them. She and Riker continued to hold hands lightly, shifting their hold occasionally, but not letting go.
He leaned forward and rested his other forearm on the table, slouching a little. And when he spoke, his voice had an aura of sadness. "There are just too many coincidences… I wish we didn't have to consider that possibility."
"But we do," said the counselor. She looked away very briefly and then back at Riker, the memory of her experience taking her back for an instant. "I can't deny what happened last night, Will. I tried to convince myself it had been a hallucination…but it was a foolish attempt at denying what I really believed." Troi looked at their joined hands resting on the surface between them.
"And what do you believe?" he asked after a beat.
Troi had a strong sense of what Crusher's analysis would reveal, but she couldn't bring herself to say it out loud, and the longer she delayed the answer, the more she wanted to keep that answer to herself.
When her silence went on a little too long, Riker intervened. "Okay, you know what…we have to stop tormenting ourselves with this. No matter what we wish for, it won't change the facts. But, Deanna," his voice softened "I really hope this baby is ours…even though it feels like the odds are against that." He gave her a sad smile, and even though neither of them was particularly happy at the moment, Troi returned a faint smile in response.
"None of this changes what I feel for you, imzadi," Riker said solemnly, hoping to express in his tone the honesty he hoped she was sensing from him.
Troi suddenly realized how much she needed to hear that from him, and how much she needed his comfort. The wash of relief she felt brought tears to her eyes, but she fought to keep them from spilling. Her grip on Riker's hand tightened involuntarily.
He felt Troi's hand tighten around his, and he gently returned the gesture. He saw the unshed tears and it pained him to think that this event, which should be one of happiness, was the source of so much worry. But things had to be said before the opportunity was lost.
The first officer conjured up more courage and continued "I'm finding out how hard it is to see this happening to you… and not know how to make it better."
A tear escaped and rolled down the counselor's cheek. He reached over and wiped it with the back of his fingers.
"I wish it were different," She said with sadness.
"Yeah…" Riker sympathized.
"I was so afraid of how you would take it…" Troi admitted.
"Imzadi…you know me better than that." He couldn't believe she could have doubted him. "I wouldn't even consider-"
"Oh, I didn't doubt you, Will," Troi quickly interrupted and explained "When I believed the baby was yours, I knew you would want to do the right thing. I know you too well to believe anything else."
Her expression went from quiet reassurance to sad disappointment. "But when Beverly showed me what she had found...I couldn't be sure of anything anymore. I didn't think it would be fair to continue expecting the same from you."
The counselor didn't look back up at Riker and she removed her hand from his grasp.
"I was afraid…and I didn't know what to think…" she paused in thought. Riker just listened. "It still doesn't feel entirely real yet. For greater part of the day, I wondered if I wasn't really stuck in a very lucid dream…"
The commander felt her disconnection, not only from when she let go of his hand, but from her attempt to protect herself. He also knew that he could be the one to give Troi a measure of peace. Something very real and disturbing had come between them, and if he was honest with himself, chances were this baby would not mark the beginning of a traditional family experience. Even so, there was no way in hell he would leave Troi to fend for herself because of it.
In one measured move the commander got out of his chair and knelt beside Troi. He took both her hands in his and searched her face until she gave in and looked in his eyes again.
"You're not alone in this, imzadi," he told her "I know it might feel that way, but it's not true. I honestly don't care where this baby came from, but it exists and it's doing it through you. I don't know why or how, but I do know that I can't let you go through this alone. You are too precious to me. Who cares what people will say. They probably have their suspicions about us anyway." The commander wiped another of her tears. "Please let me be here for you."
She had no arguments against that. Her imzadi was pleading with her to let him be her support through this strange and frightening experience, and she couldn't deny that she needed him too. Riker was her friend, her confidant, her love. And as the counselor ran her hand down his temple and caressed his bearded cheek, she admitted to herself that she had never felt for anyone what she felt for Will Riker…her first love. The joy she felt while she believed the baby was his had brought to the surface feelings that she had knowingly been keeping behind the cloak of friendship.
"You really want to be a part of this." Troi said, as if to confirm what she sensed from him.
"Of course, I do," Riker said as he leaned closer to her, Troi's fingers still caressing his temple. "I love you."
Her hand paused. She felt the emotion, warm against her body, and giving into it was irresistible. Her body responded quicker than her mind, sliding her hands past his shoulders and pulling herself closer.
Troi's kiss was warm and unhurried against his lips but revealing an intense longing. She slipped her arms around his neck and Riker slid one hand around her waist. He drew her sitting form closer to him, until there was no space left between them. He slipped his hand beneath her shirt and caressed the warm skin of her waist, drawing out an almost imperceptible moan from the counselor. She ran her fingers up the back of his neck, and Riker deepened the kiss as he pressed his body closer.
"Stay with me?" Troi whispered from lips just millimeters from his when they parted for air.
"For as long as you need me," Riker whispered back. She probably didn't mean 'stay with me forever', but it was exactly what he intended.
The doctor did one last check of the instruments neatly laid out on her work surface. Everything was ready for the fetal DNA analysis except for Troi, who would be arriving in a few minutes. Crusher returned to her office and opened the new log entry she would be typing up after her appointment with the counselor.
Picard appeared at her doorway at that moment. "Captain, what can I do for you?" she greeted him and leaned back in her comfortable chair.
"Just…stopping by to see how everything is progressing." The captain took a seat in one of her guest chairs.
"Well, it's still a few minutes until Counselor Troi arrives for the DNA analysis." The doctor informed him. "Will you be staying for the results? Because it may take a while." She tried to discourage the captain from hanging around while the counselor was there. She knew Troi would feel uncomfortable knowing the captain was there, even if he was waiting discreetly in Crusher's office.
"Oh, no I'm quite satisfied with your reports, Doctor. I'm not here to hover."
Crusher leaned forward and awarded him with a big smile. "Thank you, Jean Luc."
"Has anything come up since your last report?" The captain asked.
"Nothing significant. I've been keeping a permanent medical link to Troi's life signs since she came to sickbay last night. Nothing abnormal has shown up so far."
The captain nodded "Good…good," He said a bit absentminded. "So, how is the counselor? Have you seen her again today?"
Crusher recalled her conversation with the counselor. "I spoke to her about an hour ago. She told me she was able to rest after the meeting and that she had spent most of the afternoon with Will, so I would say she's doing fine," the doctor explained. "When I examined her this morning she was in good health and responding normally to the pregnancy." She paused and then added "At least physically. How she comes to terms with it is a whole different deal."
"Well, it's good to know that the counselor is in no danger." Picard was relieved to hear that, but he wondered how much this would affect Troi. "Do you have a feel for how she's coping?" He hoped the intuition between his two female officers and friends would provide some insight, as it had many times before.
"When we spoke, she sounded genuinely calm. She knows as well as I do that the baby is very human, and that physically it's as normal as can be. But the baggage that comes with a pregnancy like hers will take a little time to sort out."
"Ironically, time is the most reduced variable here," the captain observed.
The doctor nodded and continued, "But Will was with her, and from the sound of it, they seem to have discussed things."
The captain nodded along to Crusher's words, "Let's see to it that this pregnancy is as uncomplicated for Counselor Troi as it can be. It's one way we can support her through it." Picard concluded and his mind then turned to his first officer. "Will and I spoke late this morning. I asked him to help me decide whether my first officer was fit for duty or not."
"What did he say?" Crusher asked with interest.
"He was conflicted, and I believe still somewhat stunned. Regarding Troi and the baby," the captain summarized the conversation between him and his first officer, "…he was unsure of his involvement."
"Mm…" The doctor murmured in understanding "Poor Will. This hit him hard, but I shouldn't be surprised."
Picard chuckled and shook his head in mild frustration "The man is absolutely head over heels for her! I don't understand what they think they're doing unless they're deliberately trying to drive me mad." He stood and walked around his chair. "And Deanna..." he thought for an instant "…you've seen how she looks at him They're not fooling anyone." The captain grinned.
"Now we know it takes a supernatural occurrence to kick those two in the ass," Crusher teased.
"Evidently," Picard agreed
The doctor filled him in on the relevant aspects of the fetal DNA analysis and certain arrangements she would have to make with Troi to monitor her condition more closely. They talked until the counselor arrived soon after.
"Deanna." Crusher glanced towards the entrance to her office and smiled.
The captain stood and turned to meet her. "Counselor," he greeted her with a warm smile.
Troi was a little surprised to see the captain there. "Hello, Captain," she greeted him a bit timidly. The counselor glanced over at Crusher.
"The captain stopped by to ask how you were doing, and to learn a bit more about the analysis we're going to perform."
Troi nodded and looked from the doctor, back to the captain, not sure what to say to him.
"Please, Counselor." The captain motioned to the empty chair, "I'm happy to hear from Doctor Crusher that you're in good health. We have been sharing our concerns about you and how best to proceed, but I would like to speak with you before we reach any decision." He paused, giving Troi a chance to speak.
"Thank you, Captain. I appreciate your concern."
The doctor watched them in respectful silence.
"Deanna," Picard leaned forward and covered the counselor's entwined hands with one of his. "I'm hoping this turns out to be just another case of a new family on board."
"All of us are." Crusher chimed in from behind her desk.
Troi managed a tight smile "I wish it were that simple."
The captain quickly avoided a moment of uncomfortable silence.
"You have my absolute support, Counselor. Whatever it is you need do not hesitate to ask," he said in his solemn and soothing voice. He gave the counselor's hands a final squeeze before letting go.
"Thank you, Captain." Troi was grateful for his words of support and encouragement. "Things are quite disconcerting right now but knowing that I have your support, and that of my closest friends and colleagues, is very encouraging."
"Well, you can be sure of it," Picard said smiling, then stood and straightened his uniform. "I'll let you proceed," he told the doctor. The captain preferred to give the counselor her privacy and review the results on his own later.
"Thank you, Captain. I'll send you my conclusions in a couple of hours," Crusher informed him.
Picard nodded to them both and left the doctor's office.
As soon as the captain stepped out, Troi turned back to Crusher to find the doctor's blue eyes already set on her. The counselor gave her a brief smile. "I'm here," she exhaled.
"Yes, you are." The doctor gave a reassuring smile as she walked around her desk and sat beside her patient, in the chair the captain had occupied moments before. "You look rested." She took a moment to assess the counselor's demeanor. Troi appeared collected, but the doctor knew her well enough to suspect she was hiding a little tension.
"How are you feeling?" Crusher asked her.
"Right now?" Troi did a quick self-assessment, "I feel fine."
"Any new or unusual symptoms?"
The counselor thought back for a moment, "I noticed that I've been getting winded easily. I felt tired just walking here."
"Okay, anything else?" Crusher continued.
"Oh, and I've had to pee six times already," the counselor said with a hint of annoyance.
The doctor nodded and smiled, "Common symptoms of early pregnancy. Your kidneys are working overtime because of your increasing blood supply, plus your expanding uterus might already be pressing against your bladder. Completely normal at this stage. You'll be going through those symptoms pretty fast."
"I can't decide if that's a good thing, or a bad thing." The counselor's uncertainty manifested in her voice.
"Deanna, let's just try to stay in the moment here and focus on the fact that you're okay and the baby is too," Crusher reassured her.
The counselor took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're right. Stay in the moment. It's not that easy, but I'll try."
The doctor nodded in approval, "Good. Now, there are some things I want to go over with you, and I don't want to postpone the analysis any longer. Let's get that done and then we can come back and talk if you're up for it?"
"Sounds like a plan," Troi said with little conviction.
"Great," said the doctor and checked the data pad in her hand. "So, here's what I'd like to do: first, I'd like to do another scan to see if the baby is developed enough for us to run the DNA analysis. It needs to be the equivalent of six weeks old or more for us to get a viable sample. Then we'll take another blood sample and start the analysis." She paused. "Any questions so far?" she asked the counselor.
"How long do we have to wait for the results?" She asked.
"The process takes about one hour."
Troi nodded and Crusher continued. "And I thought we might use that time for a proper prenatal checkup." The doctor paused again, unsure of how the counselor would react to her request for the moderately invasive routine. When Troi said nothing, she added, "We've run scans on you and the baby, did your blood work, but we still haven't done a proper examination to see how you are, physically."
"Whatever you need to do, Beverly," Troi complied. She just wanted the baby to be okay, and for this pregnancy to be as normal as it could be.
Crusher reached over and gently grasped the counselor's forearm. Her voice and her touch were reassuring "Deanna, my priority is that you stay healthy, and that you give birth to a healthy baby. I'm going to make sure that both of you are okay and that this pregnancy goes as smoothly as possible."
Troi reached her senses out to Crusher. What she sensed from the doctor was genuine concern and affection, but also a keen intellectual interest in her condition. There truly was no one she could confide in more than Beverly, her friend and physician, a woman and a mother. Especially with things she was not comfortable discussing with Will.
The counselor placed her hand over the one on her arm "Thank you, Beverly, you're a wonderful friend and a great doctor, and I trust you completely."
They were silent for a moment.
Done with some introspection, the counselor said, "You know, I've had this feeling all day…" she sighed and shook her head, unable to find the right word, "I don't know…displaced."
"Well…in a way, you have been." The doctor offered a bit of her reasoning "The person you have been all your life, until now, has been displaced to welcome in motherhood…in a very unorthodox way, but motherhood no less."
Crusher's words made complete sense. Troi smiled slightly. "I suppose you're right."
"So," the doctor switched gears "the scan. You ready?" She stood.
Troi followed. "As ready as I could possibly be."
Crusher put a hand on Troi's shoulder and suddenly remembered something. "I thought Will would be coming with you."
"Oh, he's here. He was afraid we might start talking about 'woman things', so he's waiting outside," she said with a little laughter in her voice.
Crusher laughed a little as she pictured a slightly freaked-out Will waiting awkwardly on the other side her office doors. "Alright, let's go shock him." She guided the counselor towards the door.
"Oh, poor thing, he's already in shock," Troi said in his defense.
"Fine, we'll be gentle," said Crusher, and they walked out of the doctor's office.
"Commander Riker."
The voice calling his name drew him out of his thoughts. He looked up.
Nurse Lin walked towards the commander. He was sitting on a bio bed, biting a fingernail, and lost in thought. "Commander," she repeated when she arrived at his side "are you feeling alright, Sir?"
"Aleena." Good. He remembered her name. "Yes, I'm fine," Riker said in a friendly tone.
Lin regarded him with a polite smile for an awkward moment.
"Is there anything can I do for you, Commander?"
"Oh…I'm..." Riker seemed unable to come up with an answer that wouldn't give too much away. His eyes darted involuntarily to the closed doors of Crusher's office, and back to the nurse.
Lin tracked the commander's gaze and made the connection with Troi's appointment. In fact, she had helped the doctor set up the equipment for it. So, now, Riker's presence made sense.
"You're here with Counselor Troi?" the nurse asked him in a hushed tone.
Riker nodded.
Lin smiled and nodded back in a gesture of understanding. "Doctor Crusher will begin with the scan. It's in the exam room and you can wait there, if you'd like a little more privacy."
Riker flashed a grateful smile. "Thanks." He slid off the bio bed and followed the nurse to the room she had pointed out.
The exam room was dimly lit, and the biobed was flanked by an unusual looking scanner.
An extra chair had been rolled in and stood empty in the middle of the room. Riker grabbed the backrest, swiveled it, and sat leaning back and crossing his arms above his chest.
"Can I get you anything, Commander?" Lin offered, "I'm brewing some coffee in the nurses' station…I can get you a cup if you'd like."
Coffee sounded good…for his taste buds, but maybe not such a great idea for his nerves. "Thanks, Aleena, I'm okay."
The nurse smiled in acknowledgment and stepped out, leaving the first officer alone in the dim and quiet of the small room.
He was nervous. He had no idea what to expect, and this whole medical setting was making him a little squeamish. He looked around the room again. Besides the scan equipment, there wasn't much else. Just some cabinets on the other wall above a work surface, with a computer access panel to the side. A movable panel had been set up in one corner, creating a small private area. For changing clothes, he deduced.
Riker stretched his legs out, crossed them at the ankles, and waited.
The only sound that could be heard in the room was the hum of the scanner. Riker and Troi were patiently watching data crawl across the clear panel above the arm of the scanner, while the doctor typed commands into the computer.
The counselor was lying on the bio bed. Her top was gathered up, leaving her still flat belly exposed. Riker had rolled his chair over and sat beside her, leaving Crusher sitting on the other side of the counselor.
The doctor typed in one last command and removed the sensor mesh from its compartment. "Okay, with this scan we'll be able to see the baby in very high definition. We'll get much better readings including its size and weight, stage of development, and specific information about its organs, especially the circulatory and nervous systems." She gave them the quick explanation. "Ready?" Crusher tried to keep her tone a bit lighter than the atmosphere in the room. She waited for Troi's approval.
The doctor placed the sensors on the counselor's middle and adjusted them just like she had the first time they ran this scan. When she was satisfied, she touched a command, and the monitor came to life. There was an instant of unrecognizable images morphing around on the screen, but then, a solitary little figure came into view.
Tiny arms and tiny legs became easily discernible. Its head was still almost as big as the rest of its body. The translucent tissue of the fetus revealed a dark spot beating quickly within its rounded little body. It was very alive, and very real.
"There he is," Crusher announced in a hushed voice. There was a long, quiet pause before anyone spoke again.
The amorphous globs on the monitor lasted only a couple of seconds before Troi recognized the baby on the monitor. Her hands, which were clutching her shirt, gripped it a little bit tighter. The baby looked more human than it had earlier. It was a very real living being growing inside her, and the force of her emotions stunned her.
Tears welled in her eyes as she stared at the baby. Fear and joy blended into an emotion she couldn't recognize. It was something she had never felt before. This was a child that was part of her, and part of something else. Troi was sure of it. It was something she felt in her soul. I'm sorry, Will. The analysis would only confirm what she already knew deep inside. Only life can give life, and part of this child was of a life form beyond her comprehension. She couldn't help feeling a distance from what she couldn't understand, but at the same time a fierce attachment to this baby…Because he was also hers. Nothing could convince her otherwise.
There it was: the perfectly real image of the child that was growing within his imzadi. The reason that had compelled him to confess his heart to her. Whether this baby was his or not, it had already changed his life completely. There was no way he could be connected to Troi without connecting to the baby inside her. But, honestly, her wanting him close would have been enough for him. This baby was a catalyst for them both, Riker realized, and there was no turning back.
They were absorbed by the image of the baby, contemplating quietly. Crusher allowed them a moment while she evaluated the readings that were turning up on the monitor.
"The baby seems to be developing well," she said, watching the monitor. The doctor rotated the view of the fetus, sliding her fingers on the touch pad at the center of the sensor mesh. She punched in a command on the scanner's console now and then. "He seems to be just over halfway through the first trimester, too." She watched the silent couple and wondered if Troi had heard a word she had said.
"Deanna," Crusher leaned into the counselor's line of sight, "You're far enough along for the DNA analysis right away. Are you ready?" the doctor removed the sensors from the counselor's abdomen and placed them back in their compartment.
The counselor peeled her glistening eyes from the image of the baby on the screen, and turned to Crusher on her right, "Yes." Then she turned towards Riker, to her left.
It took some effort, but the first officer managed to tear his eyes away from the monitor to meet his imzadi's gaze, and when their eyes met, Beverly could almost feel the energy radiating from them.
Whenever they were together, Troi and Riker created an aura about them that could not go unnoticed. Crusher wondered if they ever really believed no one would notice.
They had reached a dead end with the investigation into the random energy fluctuation. Data had been extremely thorough, as expected, but he hadn't found anything conclusive. He had illustrated his conclusion by saying that detecting the energy was like finding smoke, but no fire. There was no residual evidence in the ship's hull, and therefore no evidence to analyze. Still, that was unusual enough. Everything leaves a trace, and this appeared to exist and not exist at the same time.
The commander replayed Data's report in his mind as he walked back to the counselor's quarters. It had been almost an hour since they had left sickbay and Troi had politely asked him for some time alone. Any minute now, Crusher would be sending the results directly to the counselor's terminal, and his fear would be confirmed. It was hard to stay optimistic. Riker was pretty sure Troi already knew what the results would be and doubting her judgment on this didn't feel right. Reminding himself of his conviction to stand by his imzadi regardless of the results, he stopped at the doors to her quarters and waited.
Troi was thankful that Riker hadn't questioned her need to be alone. She sat cross-legged on her sofa looking out the view port, with her data pad forgotten in her hand. She was a little stressed she had to admit. She was certain of the results that would arrive at any minute, but even so, seeing the tangible proof that the baby was of unknown origin would suppress any hope that existed, no matter how unfounded.
And then there was the inevitable fear.
The baby was normal. Crusher had reassured her over and over but still, something beyond understanding was behind all this, and not knowing its intentions made the counselor shudder.
Not long after, the soft chime of her computer terminal indicated the arrival of a new message. It took Troi a minute to react, but she moved to her desk and leaned over to call up the doctor's report.
Troi's eyes scanned the document, bypassing all the figures and technicalities until they reached the conclusions. She remained fixed on the words as she sat down in her chair.
Genetic composition: Betazoid 50%; Human 50%
Sex: Male
Observations: The genetic composition of the fetus is an exact copy of the genetic composition of Deanna Troi in all aspects, except for one outstanding chromosomal mutation of the X chromosome, into a Y chromosome.
Just like Deanna Troi's own genetic makeup, the fetus' genetic material derives from the parents of Deanna Troi: Ian A. Troi and Lwaxana Troi.
Conclusions: The fetus is a male clone of its mother, Deanna Troi.
Troi closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply. Her reaction to the results surprised her, and the tightness she felt in her chest made it difficult to maintain her composure.
The door chime startled her out of her meditation. Riker was back, and the minutes she had spent regaining her calm were all for nothing.
"Come in." The counselor's voice was almost a whisper.
The doors slid open, and the first officer stepped inside. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dimly lit room, and as they did, Troi's form became clearer, and the expression on her face told him everything he needed to know.