Chapter 23
Pain.
The word materialised itself in her mind in angry, red, jagged letters, cutting through an inexplicably heavy mist that had settled around her. She could feel every fibre of her being throbbing and aching, making it impossible for her to even try to move. Hell, breathing alone was a fucking herculean task as it was!
Still, despite the grogginess and the unrelenting pain, she could still try to think – she could still try to make sense of the jumbled mess that were her thoughts. Connecting two ideas together seemed to be the first step to understand where she was and what had happened.
That was, of course, easier said than done. It took her several attempts, but eventually, her ideas started to take shape and connect with each other. She started with small facts she knew were true – name and age. She was C.C. Babcock and she was thirty-five years old. Then, more ideas started to roll in.
She lived in New York.
She was a Broadway Producer.
She'd…she'd been kidnapped.
She'd escaped.
Suddenly, it was as if something or someone had finally switched on C.C.'s brain. Panic took over, cutting through the impenetrable mist that had once pervaded her thoughts. Now she knew what had happened – she'd tried to escape and failed. Thomas had her and had beaten her black and blue as he always did.
Screaming wouldn't help, she knew that, but a bloodcurdling wail of terror made its way out anyway as she flung her eyes open.
The light was soft, but still brighter than it ever was in her cell, and it stung the moment it hit her vision from where her eyes had been closed only moments ago, but she didn't care. If the only things she had at that moment were the powers of sight and her lungs, then she was going to use both. They were still strong, and she'd push past any pain she had in order to keep going for as long as possible. If she had been dragged back into Hell – and she was tormented by the despair of knowing that she had – after being so close to freedom she could taste it, then she was going to announce her suffering to the whole world. She'd go through anything - no matter what horrible thing happened next, or whatever she had to do, she would find a way to make herself heard!
Thomas would have to finish the job if he wanted her to shut up this time!
She screamed loud enough for it to echo and ring back through her own ears, never once stopping long enough to think – even if part of it did still register – that the room sounded like it had more of an echo than her cell did. And the light was shaped different...there was more than one light in that place...
Her mind must have tried to dismiss these things as some sort of trick Thomas was playing. Or maybe she simply wasn't in her cell - she could be somewhere even more horrific that her captor had been devising, in case something like her escape happened?!
Her mind didn't know and it didn't care, and for an infinite moment, she was both defiant and terrified of everything that place had to offer. Nothing there could be good, or suggest hope, or possibly be a way out-
"Miss Babcock! It's alright...!"
The loud and yet somehow calm voice cut through her cry. It always had done before, back when she'd heard it during the darkest and worst parts of her confinement. And it was back again, louder and clearer than ever - just when she'd been sent back...
But...there was a warm feeling with it. Like a hand, on her wrist...and...and when she turned her eyes up to her side...
The screaming stopped altogether.
Niles. Actual, real world, warm and physically present Niles, holding her wrist and looking as though he were about to leap out of...a seat? He'd been sat with her...!
Her fading screams almost cracked and turned into tears immediately. It was impossible to put into words how much she had missed him, and now, the minute she was...wherever she was...he was there...!
Maybe...had she frozen to death in the snow? Was this an afterlife, and getting to spend it with Niles her reward? If you'd asked her a year ago what kind of afterlife that would be to her, she'd have probably replied that she'd start trying to act better right away, if that was how she'd spend eternity.
But now...now, she wasn't sure she'd want anything else.
Niles, meanwhile, could only let panic spread through him and cracks form in his heart as he watched Miss Babcock's terror unfold and then saw her immediately burst into tears at the mere sight of him.
The guilt felt like poison working its way through his blood – he had done this to her. No matter how much he tried to make up for it by looking for her, having sleepless nights from his own terror and worry, or anything he did now, it was still his fault. You didn't get a medal for saving someone from drowning if you pushed them out of the boat in the first place.
But, despite the bitter feeling, he still wanted to help. He knew what he had done, and all he wanted to be was better. His heart ached for her to feel safe, and there were nowhere safer for her to be in the entire world! Not while there were police everywhere in the building and he was sat right by her bedside...
"It's alright," he repeated, gently but with emphasis, making sure she heard over her tears. He got out of his seat, moving slowly up her bed so that she could see him better. "You're in the hospital...you've been asleep for a little over a day. You got out of...wherever you were, and you walked through the worst snowstorm anybody here has ever seen to do it...!"
C.C.'s crying dropped to sniffles and gulped breaths as she listened to him.
Listened, and let her brain register what he was saying.
Hospital. Snowstorm. Asleep. Got out. Hospital...
All of it played over and over in her head like a loop, until it slowly sank into her mind, like salt or sugar dissolving in water.
She'd gotten out. She'd...she'd made it...!
She'd escaped from that hellhole, battled her way through that storm, and she was alive! She hadn't dreamed finding the reception, she wasn't in any kind of afterlife, and that meant...
That meant that really was the real Niles, leaning out of his seat, where he must've been sat for hours, telling her that it was all going to be okay.
That was enough to bring her tears back in force, and with a cry of overwhelmed joy, she reached up and pulled him into her arms, burying her face in his shoulder.
Niles felt something akin to the emotional equivalent of being struck by lightning when she did. It was a shock, but so much more than that - it left him dazed, and had he not been firmly in her arms, he was sure that he would have staggered and maybe even collapsed.
She...she was embracing him, just like he had...dreamt about...
But why?! Didn't she know who he was? What he had done to her? Didn't she realise she was holding onto the person who had caused her suffering in the first place?!
She should've been saving her hugs for the people who deserved it.
And, after taking in a deep, calming breath, the butler spoke up to tell her this.
"Miss Babcock, I–"
"I missed you," a voice croaked from his shoulder, interrupting, and arms tightened around him. "So much..."
Well, that was...unexpected. And it made Niles' insides suddenly seem as though they were made out of goo. Soft, warm, and half melted - guilty, still, but all those things, nonetheless.
She'd missed him. He never thought he'd ever hear her say that, before or after this had happened.
And, on his worst days, he thought he'd never hear anything from her at all, ever again.
Maybe...maybe he could save his guilty speech for later. When she was feeling better, and was in a better position to receive it. For now, he could just enjoy the fact that she wasn't repulsed by the sight of him, and that she clearly wanted to have contact.
He couldn't put his arms around her fully, but he leaned his head against hers and let his hands move to hold her upper arms very lightly.
"I missed you too, Miss Babcock," he murmured back.
She felt so very delicate in his arms…
So fragile. Like crystal. Or a raindrop dangling from the edge of a leaf after a rainstorm has just come to an end. He didn't want to break her – he'd done more than enough damage as it was, but if her wish was for him to hold her, then he wouldn't even dream of pulling away.
She couldn't hold on for long, though. Her broken wrist and general state of unwellness had depleted her of most of her strength, so she was back to lying down on her bed sooner than she would have liked.
"Let me tuck you back in, Miss Babcock," said Niles, "You need to rest…"
C.C. nodded. She was exhausted and her body ached inside and out; she'd never say no to rest, especially when she'd been sleep-deprived for the last few months of her life. She was also feeling uncomfortably stiff – she didn't know if it was yet another consequence of having gone out during a snowstorm, but she felt as if there was ice in her bones. The only warmth – uncomfortable warmth, at that – was radiating from her head. Was she running a fever?
"Niles…" she croaked as the butler fitted the sheets around her tired body. "My…my head hurts…"
Niles blinked. What did she mean, her head hurt? Had she hit it, or...or did she mean that she was feeling unwell?
It would be understandable if she was – after being out in that snowstorm for so long, she had probably caught a chill! But he needed to check, and see if she was running a temperature.
He tenderly reached out to feel her forehead with the back of his hand, trying not to frown too deeply or even start to cry when their skin made contact and his practically burned at the touch of hers.
She was feverish, and it was bad.
But (much to his shame, even if it made no sense to anything but his desire to help) he had nothing to bring her temperature back down - she needed someone who could do that for her.
He might have his fingers linger slightly on her skin as he took them away, but it wasn't very long.
"You are burning up a bit," he told her softly. "But it's alright – I'll call someone to come and get your temperature down, okay?"
In between ragged, uncomfortable breaths, she nodded again. She wanted the feeling to go away as soon as possible, and if that meant getting a nurse or doctor, then she wanted them there right away.
Niles pressed the call button and they waited.
Moments later, a young nurse shuffled into the room and after Niles had explained to her what was happening, she promised to be back soon with something to bring Miss Babcock's fever down. She was, of course, as good as her word, and soon enough C.C. was being given much needed medicine. Doctors dropped by shortly afterward. They bombarded Miss Babcock with question after question – how she was feeling, if she was in pain, if she was hungry, if she remembered why she was there…
The verbal onslaught was overwhelming her, and Niles could easily tell. Her answers were shaky and mumbled, she faltered sometimes…
It was making him Niles burn – couldn't they see she'd gone through enough already? Couldn't their questions wait? Couldn't they give her some much needed space?
Clearly not.
He was aching to scream at them to leave her alone, but he was well aware it would do more harm than good. Still, in his own quiet way he expressed his support – holding her hand in his, stroking his thumb against the back of her hand.
It seemed to take forever until they had asked enough questions. Miss Babcock was clearly exhausted by the time they were done and had left, telling her to get the rest they were ironically depriving her of only moments ago.
He would have glared at them as they left, if it hadn't been for the fact that his attention was immediately drawn back to the producer.
She needed more sleep. It was obvious when he looked into her eyes.
It was only right to ask her if that was what she wanted to do, too.
"Are you alright, Miss Babcock?" he continued stroking her hand, even after the doctors had gone. "Do you want to rest?"
She didn't have enough strength to speak right at that moment. Instead, she used what she had to shake her head.
Niles nodded in return. If she didn't want to sleep more, he wasn't going to force her. In fact, her being awake presented an opportunity.
"Alright," he said quietly, preparing to get to his feet again. "If you want to stay awake, I can go fetch your parents. They'll be waiting somewhere in the building; they might've gone to get something to eat."
But as he got to his feet, he felt a hand grab his, holding him firmly in place.
"No!"
The force of Miss Babcock's cry made him jump, and when he looked at her, she was sat as upright as she could be, her eyes pleading.
"Stay," she near-whispered. "Please...? Stay with me..."
She...she really meant it, didn't she? It was obvious as the tiredness in her eyes had been only moments before. Niles couldn't fathom why she would want him there, when he had done nothing to deserve being around her and everything to warrant being sent far away, never to return.
She should want her parents. Her brother. The people who not only loved her, but had done everything they could to show it.
The people who had earned her love in return.
But he wasn't going to question her choice. She clearly had a lot to say that she couldn't currently, and she had asked for him, whether it was the right decision or not.
He wouldn't go anywhere, if that was what she had asked.
"Alright," he said, retaking his seat and not letting go of her hand. "I'll stay."
"Thank you," she said after a short, silent moment, eyes unable to look at his – it was almost as if she were embarrassed…
"No," he replied, squeezing her hand a little. "Thank you."
Nothing else was said afterwards. They just sat there in silence, hands held, and minds bursting with questions that couldn't yet be asked.