Tori and Bud leave me to get settled. While I unpack my trash bag full of clothes and the purple stuffed unicorn, which I lovingly named Sparkles when I was 3, Bud starts cooking dinner and Tori goes to check on their tattoo parlor / teen hang out.
Such an interesting combination, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.
I'm surprised they left me alone so quickly. Normally, the "normal", seemingly well adjusted families like to keep an eye on me. They think I'll steal or run so they watch me like a hawk the first week I'm there. This is a nice change of pace. I really needed a minute alone with my thoughts. If they aren't who they seem, their true colors will show sooner rather than later. When you spend all your time suppressing you're real emotions, they fly out at frequent and surprising times. The smallest thing can set them off and then I have to find a way to explain the bruises the next day at school. Tori and Bud will show their true colors soon. I just have to wait it out, but I definitely can't get attached to them in the mean time. Attachment just leads to broken hearts and disappointment. My heart aches for a second as I think about the little girl I used to be. Happy, carefree and only slightly less broken than the me that stands now. That Beatrice would jump at the opportunity to have parents like Tori and Bud, to use them to replace the memories of her own shit show parents. This Tris knows better and has learned the hard way that people can't fill that hole inside her, they just make it deeper.
"Tris, can you come down to the kitchen for a sec?" Bud calls to me. I can hear the sounds of sizzling and the smell of sweet meat coming from the kitchen. I can't even remember the last time I ate something other than the real families leftovers, so I walk to the kitchen against my better judgement.
As I enter the kitchen, I see food laying around on all the surfaces and seasoning bottles thrown every which way. Bud is a very chaotic chef apparently. As he turns to face me, I see his apron and have to contain my laughter. Its all black except for the women's bikini clad body taking up the entire length of the apron. Its complete with huge boobs covered by the tiniest top imaginable, barely there shorts, a cute little muffin top hanging over the top of the shorts and a tattoo across the chest that says 'Bet your not brave enough to kiss the cook'.
"Oh I see you've noticed Sandy," Bud says with laugh, "she was a gag gift from some of our friends who find it just hilarious I do most of the cooking in the house." He gestures toward the apron and laughs a little more.
"You named the apron Sandy?" I ask. Who names an apron?
"No, of course not. That would be silly. I named the girl on the apron." He says with a wink before turning back to the stove.
"I just wanted to see if you wanted to help out? Tori is normally here to keep me company and help with the smaller tasks she can't hurt herself doing, but she had to run to Wayward to check up on things and talk to our new night manager."
I'm confused. This is normally the part that the dads come onto me and warn me not to tell their wives. Or warn me about the thousand rules they demand I follow. Worse case, he actually tries to touch me and I have to use the self defense I taught myself through YouTube and the movie Rocky. Bud isn't doing any of that - yet.
Don't get your hopes up. Everyone shows their true colors eventually. Don't give him the chance to lure you into security.
I shrug and take a seat on the bar stool near the kitchen island, "Yeah, sure. I don't mind talking to you for a bit, but I need you to not touch me. Can you just stay over there?"
Bud looks at me and I expect to see anger, but all I see is sadness and understanding. What?
"Of course. Whatever makes you feel comfortable. I need to watch this meat fairly closely anyway. So where are you from originally?" Bud asks.
I take a minute before deciding to tell him the truth.
"I was born in Chicago, but we had to move around a lot. As soon as rent got too high or we were given our final warning to pay up, we would pack up everything and move to a different city or state."
I can still remember every time my mom woke me up in the middle of the night and said we were going on another adventure. That I had to pack quickly or Daddy would get mad and that we had to be super quiet. She would say we were spies and our cover had been blown, now we had to sneak away before the bad guys got to us. I remember thinking 'if you're so worried about bad guys, we should leave Daddy here'. I Knew better than to let those thoughts out though. A quick back hand and a bruise that was difficult to explain away taught me that hard lesson.
"That must have been tough on you. Is this your first time being back in Chicago since then?"
"Yeah. I was originally put in foster care when we were living in New York. When they found out I was from Chicago, I got passed around the area while they tried to find anyone actually related to me."
"Did they ever find a blood relative? We would be happy to help you reconnect, if you had some family you wanted to see."
The hopeful tint to his voice hurts my heart. People who have families normally don't end up with strangers.
"Yeah, I have an aunt that lives somewhere in Chicago, but her and my mom fell out before I was born and she wanted nothing to do with me when they told her what happened." I say with a shrug, like I don't care. She wasn't the first or last to reject me, so why should I care that she didn't want me. I didn't even know her. Yeah keep telling yourself that and maybe one day you'll believe it.
That voice in your head can be a real bitch sometimes.
"Wow, that's tough." Bud says with a shake of his head.
I want to laugh. That's not the worst thing I've been through, not even close. But he doesn't need to know that. Instead I try to think of a way to change the subject. I know too much information is a dangerous thing in the hands of strangers.