March. The unmitigated disaster that was Dawson's sixteenth birthday came to an excruciating end. While Andie and the birthday boy were in the upstairs bathroom puking their guts out, he was in the kitchen helping Joey clean up. They moved about the room quietly, not speaking. When they had gotten it pretty much all cleaned, he turned from the sink and saw Joey staring down at Dawson's ruined birthday cake.
"I'm sorry the party turned out like this," he told her.
"It's not your fault."
He shook his head. "No, it wasn't my fault. It was Dawson's, and Andie's. When she decides to have a night of irresponsibility, apparently she goes full throttle."
Joey turned to look at him. "Are you still mad at her?"
"No, I'm not mad," he murmured. "I'm a little worried."
"Is she okay?" Joey questioned, stepping around the table and closer to him.
He shrugged. "Most of the time she's fine. Other times…" Sighing, he leaned back against the counter. "Her doctor took her off her medication and suggested therapy instead. I think therapy's a good idea. She should have someone to talk to—someone impartial—who understands what she's going through, but ever since she came off the meds, her moods are all over the place."
Joey frowned. "I'm not an expert and I honestly don't know much about this stuff at all, but… maybe Andie should go back on her medication?"
"I said the same thing to her—that maybe therapy and meds together might be a good idea—and she freaked out." He swallowed against the lump forming in the back of his throat. "Taking medication would mean she can't get better on her own, and so she wouldn't be living up to this expectation of perfection she's made for herself." Shaking his head, he crossed his arms. "I'm hoping in time she'll realize she doesn't need to be perfect. Of course, this led to her therapist prescribing her a night of imperfection and freedom from responsibility. Combine that with whatever the hell is going on with Dawson, and then this happened." He raised his hand and did a sweeping gesture over the room.
She heaved a sigh.
"Anyway, I went to Moby Dickens a couple weeks ago and got some books on anxiety and depression disorders. The more I know about it, the more I can help her."
Joey then gave him a look as if she was just seeing him for the first time. "I have to say I'm really impressed with you, Pacey."
He furrowed his brows. "Why is that impressive? That's what you're supposed to do when you love someone: be supportive."
"Yeah, but I honestly didn't think you were capable of something like that."
"What? Loving someone?" He crossed his arms again, his posture stiffening.
She scowled. "Don't put words in my mouth. I meant being so… mature and responsible."
Shaking his head, he scoffed. "Well, when people only expect you to be a joke who will only ever fail at life, I guess they're easily impressed."
"I'm not going to dignify that with a response."
He stared at the ruined cake. "Or in Dawson's case, they're easily irritated and angry," he grumbled.
"You know," she said contemplatively. "The things Dawson said in there? It's not like most of what he said wasn't true, to an extent. It definitely wasn't the right time or place to say them, and certainly not in the manner in which he chose to do it. It was all very rude, what he said, but also kind of true. The stuff about Mitch and Gail? He wasn't exactly wrong. What he said about Jen? Sad and uncomfortable, but maybe not wrong there either. It's also true that Jack is gay, and that I started dating him immediately after breaking up with Dawson. And then what he said about me? Well, I can't say he didn't have a point. I'm seemingly incapable of knowing what I truly want, or who I want, and I'm sure that frustrates Dawson. It frustrates the hell out of me."
He eyed her, saying nothing.
She stepped closer to him. "But, Pacey, what he said to you? That was inexcusable. I really hope that's not how Dawson truly feels and that he was just venting misplaced anger at himself. Your life isn't supposed to be worse than his. You're obviously growing and changing, and you're with a girl who loves you back the same way. And he… isn't, at least not right now. Don't let him make you feel bad about it."
His mouth curved into a half-smile. "Thanks, Jo."
Before she could reply, they were interrupted by the sound of Andie coming down the stairs. He sighed and walked out of the kitchen. When his girlfriend reached the landing and saw him, her face crumpled. "I'm so sorry, Pacey," she cried.
"It's okay, Andie. Come on. I'll take you home." He reached up and held out his hand, helping her down the rest of the stairs.
After helping her put on her coat, Joey met them at the front door. "I'm sorry about the party," Andie told her as she walked out the door. "It was all my fault. Me and my id."
"Id?" Joey asked, throwing him a confused look.
He laughed under his breath. "Yeah. Id. It's a Freud thing. Apparently, your id is that part deep inside you that wants to satisfy your purest impulses, needs, and desires. It doesn't care what anyone thinks. It just wants what it wants. Accessing your id can free you from the restrictions you, or others, place on yourself, that keep you from living your life how you want. Or so Andie says."
Watching Joey's face fall as she thought about what he said, he felt a sudden rush of sympathy. "I should go upstairs and check on Dawson," she sighed.
"Jo?"
"Yeah?"
He hesitated briefly, wanting to say the right thing. "Your id may be locked up tight, at least right now, but someday you'll set it free. You'll figure out what it is you truly want, or who you want, and then you'll just go after it. You won't care what anyone says, what anyone thinks. You'll just do whatever you need to do to be happy."
Nodding, she gave him a weak smile. He could sense her self-doubt. "And Jo?" he continued. "When you do figure it out, don't let Dawson make you feel bad about it."
He held her gaze, and her eyes slowly widened as she took in the implications of what he said. "Goodnight, Joey. See you in school." He then went out the door without waiting for a reply.
April. Easter weekend brought the Capeside Family Fun Fair to the waterfront. The chilly Saturday afternoon had started out fun, but by nightfall a cloud of doom had returned over Andie's head, thanks to a fortune teller. The woman had nothing good to say to him either, and while what she had said to him was somewhat unsettling, he had faith that he and Andie could get through anything together. Life was way too complicated, with too many different paths to take and choices to make, for some five-dollar carnie to have all the answers to what lay ahead of them.
Sipping from his coffee, making his way back to pack up the Captain Skippy booth, he approached the tent where the local artists were displaying their work. He saw Jack and waved. "Hey."
"Hey, Pacey," Jack greeted.
He stepped into the tent. "How's it going, man? Did you guys have a good day here?"
Andie's brother smiled. "Great. Joey sold a piece."
"That's nice." He glanced around at the displays of her drawings and paintings. "Just one?"
"Yeah, but it's a good start. Maybe she'll sell even more next year."
He nodded, and started moving closer to the artwork to get a better look. His eyes soon fell on a painting of a dark-haired woman in a red dress walking on the beach, the waves crashing around her feet. Jack came over next to him and leaned over to read the exhibit label. "Woman on Capeside Beach."
Staring at the woman's face, a sense of sadness rose up within him. "It's Mrs. Potter."
"Joey's mom?" Jack responded before turning to look at the painting again.
"I'll buy it."
"Seriously, Pacey?"
He nodded. "Here. Hold my coffee." Pulling out his wallet, he then reached inside for his cash. "How much did she sell the other one for?"
Jack thought for a moment. "I think it was thirty bucks."
"Here's fifty," he said, handing over the bill.
"Wow, Pacey."
He reached up and took down the painting. "Thanks, man."
Smiling, Jack walked with him to the edge of the tent. "See ya."
He started walking away, and then abruptly stopped. "Oh, Jack," he said, turning around. "Um… Don't tell Joey I'm the one who bought it."
"Why not?" he asked, his brows furrowing into a confused expression. "She'll be so excited she sold another one."
"Just… don't tell her it was me. Please?"
Jack nodded, clearly still not understanding why he would make such a request. He wasn't entirely sure himself. "Sure, Pacey. I won't tell her. I promise."
He smiled. "Thanks, pal. See you later."
Easter weekend also brought Gretchen home to visit and forced a family dinner on Sunday. His two eldest sisters and their husbands and kids also turned up. While he was standing at the kitchen counter chopping carrots, his dad walked in to get yet another beer from the refrigerator. "Say, Gretchen, did you happen to see Pacey's report card here?" his dad asked.
His sister looked up from where she was seated at the kitchen table peeling potatoes. "No, I didn't." She glanced at him somewhat nervously and they locked eyes for a brief moment. He gave her a reassuring look. Starting to smile, she got up from the table and walked over to the fridge. "Wow, Pacey! Three B's and two A's. That's awesome. Good job."
"Thanks, Gretchen," he replied, smiling.
"I told him we should frame it," his mom spoke up.
His dad laughed. "You know what? We should. God knows he'll never get another one like it."
Shaking his head, he laughed derisively under his breath and turned back to the carrots. Typical.
"Dad, Pacey obviously worked hard," Gretchen replied, her voice stern. "I'm sure his next report card will be great."
"It may be a long shot, since we all know he's not the brightest bulb in the chandelier," his mom said in a honeyed voice, as if he wasn't standing right there. "But if he ever gets another good report card, then we'll just have to frame that one, too. Won't we, honey?" She smiled at him sweetly, as if there was nothing at all wrong with anything she had just said. He didn't know if his mother was ignorant or tone-deaf or just cruel, but sometimes her seeming indifference to his feelings hurt worse than his dad's outright contempt.
Turning, he met Gretchen's stunned look of disbelief. He shrugged defeatedly, and went back to chopping. The sound of the beer can opening rent the air and his dad took a sip. "Pacey, why are you in here cooking with the women? The baseball game's on. You should be in the living room with the men."
He scoffed. Sitting around while Doug tries to play straight with their dad and brothers-in-law was not his idea of fun, nor was being their punching bag. "No thanks, Dad. I'll stay here and help Mom and Gretchen."
"Pacey, I said get in the living room." He heard the underlying threat in his voice. "Now."
"Listen to your father." His mom smiled. "There's no need for you to be in the kitchen. This is women's work, honey."
He unceremoniously dropped the knife on the cutting board and sighed. As he followed his dad out of the room, he exchanged unhappy looks with Gretchen. Later that evening, he helped his sister clean up the kitchen. Doug and his other sisters and their families had all gone home, his mom had gone upstairs to bed, and his dad was passed out drunk on the couch.
"So, why did Dad keep bringing up your friend Jack at dinner?" his sister asked him as she handed him a plate to dry. "I mean, I guess I understand mentioning him, like, once in conversation but he seriously kept finding reasons to talk about him."
"Because Doug was at the table." He dried the plate with the dish towel and placed it back in the cupboard.
She sighed, shaking her head.
"You know how Dad feels about the gays, Gretchen."
Handing him another dinner plate, she rolled her eyes. "I'm so glad I don't live in this fucking house anymore."
He nodded. "Yeah, must be nice. You know, Doug should just come out of the closet. We all know he's in there."
"He's too busy being Dad's shining example of an upstanding citizen and a real man."
Shaking his head, he scoffed. "Dad knows, Gretchen. He knows. He'll never say it, and he'll ignore it, but he knows the truth about Doug just as much as the rest of us do. Don't you think Doug would be happier if he just admitted the truth and stopped living a lie? Jack's happier… I think. And he's got issues with his own father, too."
"Well, I'm sure Dad would make a point to make him miserable as much as possible," she replied. "Doug will come out when he's ready to come out. No one else can make that decision for him, Pacey."
"Yeah, I know."
She smirked at him. "It almost sounds as though you genuinely care for Doug's well-being."
He feigned shock. "Me? Care about Doug?" He quickly glanced at the clock. "I gotta get going. I'm glad you came home this weekend, Gretchen. It was nice having you around."
"Go? Where are you going? It's eight o'clock on Easter Sunday. And don't you have school tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I know. I've got homework to do. That's why I gotta go. Andie's expecting me."
She nodded her understanding. "So, Pacey, how is it having a serious girlfriend?"
He grinned, and could feel his face getting hot. "I like it."
"And this girl really loves you?"
"Yes, she does, Gretchen. I don't know why, or how, but she does."
His sister rolled her eyes. "What's not to love?" She smiled. "It makes me happy to see you so happy, Pace. The last time I saw you was at Christmas and I remember how miserable you were."
He sighed. "Yeah, well, you can thank Dad for that."
"It breaks my heart the way he treats you," his sister said quietly, even though their dad was passed out in the living room and unable to hear. "The next time he lays a hand on you, you need to do something about it. You need to go to the hospital and make a report, or go to social services or…"
"Or call the police?" he snarked. "He's the Sheriff, Gretchen. One, who would believe me? Two, who could help me? My own mother doesn't even care."
Her eyes filled with tears. "You have to get out of this house, Pacey. Get out of this town."
He gave her a sympathetic look and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Hey, now. I'll be all right. I'm honestly not at home that much anymore. I stay over at Andie's all the time. I'm rarely here now. Really."
"What do Mom and Dad have to say about that?"
"I think we've already established they don't care about me, Gretchen."
She frowned and then heaved a sigh. "Does Andie know how bad it is for you here?"
He shrugged. "She knows some, but not the extent of it… Not the worst of it. She has enough on her own plate without worrying about me on top of everything else she deals with."
"So, you really love this Andie?"
"I do. Very much."
Nodding, she pursed her lips. "And… what about Joey?"
What? His face hardened and he dropped his arm from his sister's shoulder. "What about Joey?"
"No need to get agitated. Jesus. It's just that five months ago you liked Joey and kissed her."
"And then I explained to you that she doesn't like me," he replied, his tone full of the irritation he inexplicably felt. "She likes Dawson, and he likes her. I met Andie and we fell in love. End of story."
She knitted her brows. "Why are you getting so upset?"
He huffed. "I'm not upset."
His sister shot him a disbelieving look, which only irritated him more. Why the hell did she have to bring up Joey Potter for? "Look, it was nice seeing you, Gretchen. Have a safe drive back to college. I have to go or I'll never get all my homework finished, and I need to finish it to get my reward for good behavior."
"Do I want to know what that is?"
"No," he laughed, pulling her into a hug goodbye.
Her face scrunched up. "Gross."
He laughed some more. "See ya, Gretchen. Call me sometime."
"You just said you're never home, Pacey."
"Oh, right. I'll call you."
She chuckled, rolling her eyes, and he gave her another hug. "Bye, Pacey." Then he grabbed his backpack and coat and went out the door.
April 10. Saturday afternoon at the Athenaeum. He stood in the kitchen with Andie, Jack, and Dawson while Joey instructed them all on what their duties were for the Ice House's initial catering event. After he and Andie set up the buffet table in the quiet banquet room adjacent to the ballroom where guests were arriving and mingling, Mike Potter walked in to check everything out.
"Pacey," he smiled, holding his hand out in greeting.
"Hi, Mr. Potter." They shook hands. "It's good to see you again, sir."
Joey's dad chuckled under his breath. "No one's called me 'sir' in a long time." He looked him up and down. "My, you've gotten tall, Pacey. You've got your mom's height."
He nodded. "Yeah, I guess."
"The last time I saw you, you were at the Ice House eating a grilled cheese sandwich."
He smiled at the memory. "Yeah, I used to eat a lot of those in your kitchen."
Mike eyed him for a moment. "So… how's your family treating you these days, Pacey?"
Hesitating, he swallowed. "Um, fine," he lied.
"You know, Lillian worried about you a lot."
"She did?" His brows furrowed as memories of Mrs. Potter began coming forward.
Mr. Potter nodded. "She always talked about what a sweet kid you were. She really liked you, you know. I think you were her favorite out of all of Joey's friends. You made her laugh a lot. She had a great laugh." He sighed. "I miss her."
He frowned, and shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling somewhat awkward. "I do, too."
"Well, I should get back to the kitchen," Mike said. "I'm sure I'll see you around later."
Later on, after the fiasco with the wedding cake was saved, while standing in the ballroom watching the guests dance to the music, Joey approached him. "Hey."
"Hey, Jo. Looks like the Ice House knocked it out of the park."
She shrugged. "Barely. Perhaps more catering events are in our future, although I hope not."
Grinning, he nodded. "Hey, for $60 a pop, count me in."
"Oh, you guys did a great job fixing that whole cake mess," she told him.
"Thanks."
They watched the couples swaying to the music. The groom spun his bride around the middle of the dance floor. "Do you think you'll ever get married?" she asked him.
Brows furrowing, he turned a confused look in her direction. He'd never expected that question. "Um… yeah. I mean, I hope so. I'd like to be married, and have a family of my own. It'll make up for the one I'm stuck with now. We'll see if Andie still tolerates me in ten years."
"So, you really think you and Andie are gonna get married?"
"I… I don't see us breaking up—God forbid that ever happened—and if two people stay together, then chances are marriage is in their future."
Joey hummed. "You know, the chances of people marrying the person they dated when they were 16 are pretty slim."
He stared at her. "Are you trying to bum me out, Potter?"
"No. I just mean people grow up and change and life takes them on different paths. Ten years from now, we won't be the same people. We'll have changed our minds a thousand times over, our feelings and opinions. You might think someone is your soulmate, but what if you're wrong? You could even marry someone and be completely wrong, and what then? It's kind of scary, I guess, to make that huge of a mistake. Your whole life could be ruined."
"This isn't about me and Andie, is it?"
She didn't reply.
He sighed. "Look, Joey, not that I'm an expert or anything, but you'll know if you're with the right person. And yeah, I suppose when you say those marriage vows, you're making a huge commitment, and not just to the person they are on the wedding day but who that person will become as they grow older and change. It's about changing together, I think, through whatever life throws at you." He watched as she chewed on her lip. "Is this about Dawson?"
Her face fell. "For the longest time I had this idea in my head of what my life should look like when I'm older, and Dawson is exactly the kind of person who fit perfectly into that. I know he'll grow up to be that ideal, he'll be the person I'm supposed to be with. And he keeps saying that we're soulmates and we will always be connected, but so much can happen between now and our future adult lives. Is it better to just be friends while we're young, and if it's truly meant to be, then when we're grown up, we'll be the people we need to be to make it work? Or should we just take that chance now, even though we're only 16 and we don't have a clue what we're doing? That we just make it work no matter what?"
"I can't possibly answer that, Jo." She frowned. "Maybe timing is everything. Again, I'm not the expert, but in my humble opinion, true love isn't about forcing pieces to fit. It's about pieces just falling into something that fits naturally." He suddenly saw Andie across the room. She caught his eye and smiled. He watched as she began walking towards them. "That's not always easy, but it also shouldn't be a struggle." He wanted to tell her that just because two people are naturally great friends, it doesn't mean they'll naturally be great lovers, but he kept his mouth shut. She'd have to figure that out on her own.
She smirked at him. "Are you sure you're not the expert?" she teased.
Before he could reply, Andie reached them. "Hi, guys."
"Hey," Joey greeted. "I should pop back into the kitchen and check on some stuff."
Later, he and Andie swayed together on the dance floor, her arms around his neck and his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close. Turning, his eyes quickly fell on Dawson and Joey dancing together. They were kissing. A wave of disappointment welled up inside him and something churned in his stomach at the sight of them. He didn't exactly understand why. He told himself he was just tired of their never-ending drama, that they couldn't possibly make each other happy in the long run, and that he wished they'd just move on with their lives and find out what would make them happy.
He leaned down and whispered in Andie's ear. "Hey, you wanna get out of here?"
"You want to take me home?" She smiled and bit her bottom lip. "Or go somewhere else?"
Grinning, he pulled her closer. "We could go to your place and I could sleep over like I usually do. Or would you want to go somewhere else?"
"This wedding has me feeling awful romantic, Pacey," she smirked suggestively. "And the night is still young."
"Well, we have a hundred-and-twenty bucks from this gig. Do you remember that little B&B downtown we rented a couple months ago?"
A smile bright as sunshine spread across her face. "Really?"
Leaning over, he kissed her cheek. "Really," he whispered in her ear. "I already packed a bag for us. It's in the car. And I told Jack not to expect you home until tomorrow."
"Aww, Pacey."
He waggled his eyebrows and they walked off the dance floor hand-in-hand, heading for the kitchen to get their coats. When he reached the door, he glanced back at Dawson and Joey. They looked happy, at least at the moment. But for how long? He told himself he didn't care, and walked out of the ballroom.
May. He was supposed to be spending his Monday morning Study Hall in the library doing homework or studying for finals, but he couldn't concentrate on his textbook. Instead, he pulled a dog-eared paperback from his bag and began to read where he'd last left off. After a few minutes, he looked up to see Joey standing there.
"Hi."
"Uh… hi." He noticed her glance down at the book and he quickly closed it and set it on his lap beneath the table.
She laughed. "What are you reading?"
He cleared his throat. "Nothing."
Arching her brow, she pursed her lips. "Come on. Tell me. What? Is it a dirty book?"
"No, but trust me, Potter, if I ever come into the possession of a dirty book, I'll be sure to let you borrow it. Lord knows you could probably use one."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she challenged, her hands going to her hips. "That I'm an uptight prude?"
He sighed and irritably tapped his yellow highlighter on the table. "Did you come over here on purpose to talk to me about something or did you just stumble across my table and decide to annoy me?"
Thrusting her tongue in her cheek, she fought a grin and sat down across from him. "So… neither Jack nor Andie are in school today. And why is Andie's hair brown? I noticed it on Friday but never got the chance to ask her." She seemed to be greatly amused by this turn of events.
"I'm not exactly sure," he breathed. Just thinking about it tied his stomach into knots of worry. "Andie had a rough weekend. Jack and I convinced her to take the day off and study at home. We thought it was a good idea for Jack to stay with her. I wanted to, but I can't afford to miss another day this close to finals."
The amusement slowly faded from Joey's expression. "What's wrong?"
He didn't reply and only shook his head.
"Is it Andie? Is she… okay?"
"For the past month—ever since Abby died—she's been on edge. Either she's really down and crying a lot, or she's hyper to the point of being almost manic, or she's very angry and lashes out for no apparent reason. It's one extreme or the other. And, not that you want to hear this, but she runs hot and cold as far as our relationship goes. Sometimes she wants me around, and she wants to…" He paused, thinking of the right words to use for Joey's oversensitive ears. "She wants affection. Other times she doesn't want me to be in the same room with her, let alone touch her. It's up and down, and I never know which of Andie's moods I'm gonna get. And then this past weekend… it was rough. Kind of scary, actually."
She frowned. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were going through all of that."
He set his highlighter down on the table. "You don't need to be sorry for me, Jo. It's Andie I'm worried about."
"She'll be all right, Pacey."
"Yeah? How do you know?"
"Because she has you."
Their eyes met and held for a long moment, the space between them filling with a heavy silence, before Joey averted her gaze, tucking her hair behind an ear. "So, are you going to tell me what book you're hiding under the table, or what?" she teased, changing the subject.
He hesitated, and then grabbed the book, placing it on the table and sliding it across to her.
She stared down at the cover, her eyes widening. "When You Love Someone with Anxiety: Understanding and Helping Your Partner," she read aloud. She looked up at him, surprised. She then flipped through the dog-eared pages. "You've highlighted paragraphs, and you've even got notes written in the margins."
Always the tone of surprise. She must really think him a simpleton. "Yeah. I've been reading it every day for the past couple weeks, in the morning before school or at night before I go to bed or while waiting for Andie when she has appointments. And I bring it to work with me to read when it's slow."
She handed the book back to him. "Does anyone know you're dealing with this, Pacey? Does Dawson know?"
When does Dawson ever take the time to know anything that's going on in his life? "I've tried to talk to him a couple times, but he's been busy lately. You know, with editing his film and freaking out over Mitch dating his film teacher and… the fact he's got you right back where he wants you. So, no. He doesn't know."
"I'm going to ignore how you phrased that last part." She gave him a slight scowl. "You shouldn't have to deal with this by yourself, Pacey."
"I'm not. Me and Jack are dealing with it together, and Andie. The three of us are…" He sighed. Who was he kidding? "I think Jack is going to call his dad, actually."
She frowned. "Yeah, but who's helping you? You've clearly taken on this caregiver role, but you'll get burnt out if you don't get the kind of care you need. Believe me, I know. Those last few months of my mother's life were really hard on all of us, physically and emotionally. It takes a toll. I think you should take some time away from the stress. Hang out with Dawson. Do… guy stuff."
He sighed. "Sure."
"And I know we're not really friends, but if you ever need someone to vent to then…"
"You really love saying that, don't you?"
Joey blinked. "What?"
Scoffing, he shook his head. "You have this constant need to say we're not friends. I'm not sure if you think that I need to hear that over and over again for some reason, or if it's just something you feel you have to keep reminding yourself because God forbid if we actually were friends."
He shoved his book in his backpack and zipped it up while she stared at him. "Got nothing to say, Potter, for once in your life?" He then started walking away from the table. "Pacey," she called out after him, but he didn't turn around.
June. There was smoke everywhere inside the Ice House. The fire was getting out of control. Joey was screaming. He quickly grabbed her, and lifted her off the ground as she struggled. "Let go of me," she screamed. He carried her out of the back room, through the restaurant, and they ran outside together. They stood side by side, watching the blaze. She leaned against him and he rubbed her arm, trying to comfort her.
Later, after the Fire Department had put out the flames, his father and his deputies took over the scene. As he walked out of the Ice House, he was hailed by one of the EMTs. He changed course and started walking towards an ambulance parked outside. He soon recognized the man who'd called for him, a guy in his late 30's who'd been at the job a long time. "You haven't been checked out yet, Pacey," the man said as he approached.
He groaned. "I'm fine, Jason. Really. I just want to get out of here."
"You think I'm gonna let the Sheriff's son go home without getting cleared for injuries or smoke inhalation?"
Tongue in cheek, he shook his head, sighing. "The Sheriff doesn't care. I promise you."
The EMT gave him an exasperated expression. "Give me a break, pal. I want to go home, too. It won't take long."
"Fine." Soon he was sitting on the back of the ambulance. A few minutes passed and suddenly Joey appeared. Her face and clothes were soot stained. His guts twisted nervously. He didn't want her to hate him, not like when the Sheriff arrested her dad the first time and she then refused speak to him for months, but he knew it could easily end up like that again. The moment his dad had showed up at the Ice House earlier, she'd immediately been set on edge and he could feel a sense of anger towards him as if he had anything to do with his dad showing up there.
"Bessie and I overheard some of the deputies talking," she said.
Great. Here it comes. "Yeah?"
She chewed on her lip. "They said you punched your dad. Is that true?"
Jason's eyes went wide. He ignored the EMT and answered her. "Yep."
"Why?" she asked.
"Because he said something shitty about Andie."
Nodding her head slowly, she played with her fingers. "They also said that you told him my dad was a better father than he ever was. Is that true, too? Did you really say that?"
He sighed. "I said, 'even if Mr. Potter was involved in this, he's still 10x the father you ever were.'"
"Why?" she asked again, her eyes filling with tears.
"Because it's the truth, Jo."
Her tears brimmed over and she forcefully brushed them away with the back of her hand. "So, he thinks my dad was involved in the fire? Because of drugs, right?"
He didn't want to lie, and he knew telling the truth would just upset her. "He suspects, yes, but that doesn't mean he's right. My dad is wrong about a lot of things. I'm sure this will get all cleared up and everything will be fine." At least he hoped so.
She nodded quietly, her face hardening, anxiety etched across her features, and she started to turn and walk away. He jumped down from the ambulance and grasped her arm. She spun around, surprised. "Just don't hate me, okay? No matter what comes of all this. I'm not my father, Joey. I don't act like he does and I certainly don't think like he does. I only want good things for your dad, and for you and Bessie. You gotta believe me."
Her face softened. "I do."
He had his doubts. She turned from him again to walk away, but then quickly turned back as if she'd suddenly changed her mind or made a decision she'd been wrestling with. She stepped forward and hugged him. Taken aback, he didn't know what to do. His stomach was doing somersaults. "Thank you, Pacey," she whispered. "For saving me from the fire, and for… for defending my dad."
Joey then abruptly let go and quickly walked away, leaving him staring after her.
June 28. Behind the counter of the video store, he chatted with customers while they picked up a few movies. They were college kids who were back home for the summer, and told him all about their rented beach house and the parties they were planning over the next two months. When they finally turned from the counter and walked away, he saw Joey standing there, arms crossed and scowling at him.
"You know, sometimes I wonder if that scowl will someday become a permanent fixture on your face."
"Those girls were blatantly flirting with you, Pacey."
He thought she seemed really irritated by that. "Yeah, I know."
She arched her brow. "Well, what about Andie?"
"I wasn't flirting back, Jo."
"Yeah, but you didn't stop them either."
Was she for real? "Well, I can't exactly tell customers to 'fuck off' if I wanna keep this job, now can I?"
Huffing, she approached the counter. "And are you going to go to one of their beach parties they so desperately want you to attend for some reason?"
"No, I'm not."
"Why anyone would find you remotely desirable is beyond me," she grumbled.
He blinked. "You're right. I'm obviously the Quasimodo of Capeside."
Scoffing, she rolled her eyes.
"Is this your way of trying to rent a video or is there some other reason you decided to walk in here and annoy the hell out of me, Potter?"
She chewed on her lip for a moment. "Did you… did you check your mail before you came into work today?"
Ahh. Now it made sense. "You know that you can just come in here and talk to me like a normal person without needing to pick a fight with me first, right?" She scowled again. "Yes, I got my mail. I've been making sure I get up early enough to get it before my mom can get to it first. Well, I'm guessing you got yours. So, did you open it?"
"My report card? No. Did you?" She kept chewing on her lip and tucked her hair behind her ears.
He reached below and pulled the envelope out of his bag, placing it on the counter. "Nope."
She sighed and pulled hers from her back pocket, setting it down next to his. "I've been too scared to read it."
"Do you want me to read it and then tell you what it says?" he ventured, wondering if this was in fact the reason she'd come to see him.
"You don't mind?"
He shook his head and grabbed the envelope. Tearing it open, he pulled out the year's final report card. He looked over it and laughed. "All A's, Potter." She smiled. "Was there any doubt?"
Pursing her lips, she shrugged as she took the card from him. She glanced down at his unopened envelope. "Do you… want me to read yours?"
He sighed. "Sure." His stomach tightened with nerves while he watched her open the envelope. As she read the report, a smile slowly spread across her face like the sun coming out after a long rain. He let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Come on, Joey. Tell me."
"Okay, so for the final quarter you earned three A's and two B's."
"You're kidding." The knot in his stomach began to loosen.
She shook her head, still smiling. "You scored B's on four of your final exams, and an A in history. That's great, Pacey."
He let out a breathy laugh of relief. "And… my final grades for the year?"
"You finished with a B in every class," she smiled. "Honestly, you probably would've finished with some A's if you hadn't gotten C's first semester."
"A misspent youth, eh?" he joked.
Joey smiled. "Your parents should be proud."
Upon seeing the look on his face, her smile faltered. "Should is the operative word. Whether I got an F or an A, it wouldn't matter to them. If I'd gotten an F, it'd be 'of course loser Pacey failed' and if I'd gotten straight A's, it'd be 'well it won't last for long since we all know Pacey's a loser who's doomed to fail eventually.'" He sighed. "I'm going to mail it to Andie. I know she'll be proud at least."
"So, um, how is Andie?" she asked.
"She's… She's all right, I guess. She's in a hospital for treatment. She says she likes her doctor and her therapist, and the other people there are nice. So, that's good."
Nodding, Joey leaned forward against the counter. "You get to talk to her a lot?"
He folded up his report card and put it back in the envelope. "She calls me every Sunday, and we write letters."
"Are you writing love letters, Pacey?" she teased.
"They're life letters, Potter, and, yes, love is a part of life." She scrunched up her face. "Hey, uh, I don't mean to pry into your life, but… how're things with your dad?"
The humorous sparkle instantly left her brown eyes and she frowned. "You're the first person to ask me that." She sighed. "He worked out a deal and is giving the District Attorney's office information on the men who burned down the Ice House. He'll still go to prison, but not as long as he might've. We have to go to court on Thursday."
He hesitated, thinking. "Um… do you want someone to go with you? I don't have to work on Thursday."
Scoffing, she leaned back from the counter and stood upright, averting her gaze from his. "That's okay, Pacey."
"Have you talked to Dawson at all since he left for Philadelphia?" he asked, wondering if he should even bring the subject up.
"No, and I don't want to."
He thought he felt something like a hopeful feeling fluttering deep inside, but didn't understand where it came from. He willed himself to ignore it. "So, listen. Since my two best friends have left the state of Massachusetts for the summer, I'm kind of on my own. Jack and Jen have got their own thing happening, and I haven't seen them too much. So, I thought, you know… Me and you… Well, we could…"
She knitted her brows. "What?"
"You know, hang out this summer."
She blinked. "You and me… Hang out on purpose. Are you for real?"
Jesus Christ, this girl could drive him to drink. "Won't you just listen to me? Why spend the summer alone? We could go to the movies or something. Summer of Sam is opening this weekend, and American Pie comes out the following weekend. That looks good, and we could probably use a laugh around here."
"No, thanks, Pacey." She suddenly looked uncomfortable, her brows furrowing in confusion.
He sighed. When would he ever be good enough for her? "You got better plans, Potter? Who else are you going to hang out with? Dawson isn't coming back until September, so the seemingly never-ending minidrama that is your life is temporarily on hold. I'm afraid that leaves you and me to our own devices for the summer."
She turned an angry expression on him. "I don't need to hang out with anyone, least of all you. Anyway, I'll be too busy trying to help Bessie clean up the huge mess our father made while trying to figure out how we're going to make ends meet now that the Ice House is gone. I won't be available to hang out with you even if I wanted to, which I assure you I don't." Her tone dripped with venom.
Scoffing, he shook his head as anger began churning in his stomach. Then he took a calming breath. "Look, I know you've had a rough few weeks. I feel for you, I do. I'm trying to be your friend here, Jo, but you always have to make it so damn hard all the time."
"I have enough friends, Pacey," she snapped. "I don't need you."
"You sure about that?" he challenged, arching his brows in disbelief.
Joey's eyes blazed. She turned on her heel and walked away from the counter and out the door.
July. Independence Day Weekend. Most residents of Capeside were gathered along the harbor on Sunday night awaiting the fireworks that were due to begin at dusk. Happy to skip out on the drunken Witter family BBQ from hell, he accepted Jack's offer to go see the fireworks with him and Jen. They found a soft grassy area just far enough from the crowd of people gathering on the beach to be able to talk normally and still hear each other. They were soon sitting on a soft blanket, laughing about some older gentleman who'd taken it upon himself to salaciously flirt with Jen's grandmother at the grocery store.
"Joey!" Jack suddenly called out.
He turned to see her standing off at some distance. He hadn't seen her since she walked out of the video store on Monday afternoon. She acknowledged Jack and started walking across the grass towards them. She was wearing a yellow sundress that stopped just above her knees and she was carrying a pair of sandals in her hand. He stared as if in a daze. Soon she reached their blanket and he looked down at her bare feet; her toes were painted red. He gulped, and slowly drew his gaze up to her face. Goddamn, she was beautiful—beautiful and mean. He instantly felt his mood plummet.
"Hi, guys," she greeted them. "Bessie convinced me to get out of the house for a while."
He merely nodded while his friends said their hellos. "Do you want to sit and watch the fireworks with us?" Jen asked her.
She hesitated and met his gaze; their eyes locked for a moment. He swallowed. She tucked her hair behind an ear. "Um, sure. Why not?"
He sighed while she sat down on the other side of Jen. He listened while the three of them talked but he couldn't concentrate on what they were saying. A wave of loneliness began crashing over him and he didn't want to be there anymore. After a few minutes, Jack turned to him. "Why are you being so quiet, Pacey?"
"I… I just wish Andie was here." His throat suddenly tightened with emotion, threatening to choke him.
"Were you able to talk to her today?"
He nodded. "Yeah, we talked earlier this afternoon."
Before Jack could respond, they were rudely interrupted by a group of passersby. "Hey, look, it's McPhee and his boyfriend!" The small group of boys laughed together as they walked past. He recognized them; they were on the Capeside High basketball team. Anger rose up inside him like bile. "Yeah, that's right! And we're going to have great sex later, so go fuck yourselves!"
"Damn, Pacey," Jen laughed.
Jack sighed. "I wish you wouldn't do stuff like that."
He shrugged. "Well, I wish people in this town would get their heads out of their asses. We can't all get what we want."
"You're so juvenile," Joey glowered.
"Eat glass," he spat.
"Okay, okay," Jen interjected, her arms raised between them like a referee. "Let's just cool our jets. We're here to have fun, all right?"
Jack backed her up. "Yeah, guys. If you two are just going to fight the entire time, it defeats the whole purpose."
Both he and Joey turned confused expressions on him. "The purpose of what?" she asked, her voice tinged with laughter.
"You know…" Jack appeared to be looking for the right words. "Us being here and enjoying each other's company. This is supposed to be a fun outing."
"Sorry, man. I'll just shut up."
"The best thing you've said all week," Joey muttered quietly.
He bit his tongue while Jack and Jen exchanged exasperated looks. A short time later, dusk settled in. Then the first of the fireworks went up and exploded in the sky, showering bright colors of red, white, and blue. Single fireworks lit up the sky and multiple displays that brightened the whole area. The crowd cheered, and a lot of oohs and aahs were heard all around them. Jack and Jen smiled up at the sky, laughing, clearly enjoying themselves. In low spirits, he merely sat in quiet observance.
The next firework exploded with a loud bang! Jen squeezed Jack's arm in reaction. "Whoa!"
Another firework went straight up, whistling through the air, a large missile that soared higher than all the others had gone previously. He glanced in Joey's direction. She turned. Their eyes met and held. Something deep inside his chest clutched at him and ached. Everyone around them looked up with bated breath. The firework exploded and the night sky ignited with bright colors, lights dancing in her eyes until she finally looked away.