June 13. On Tuesday morning, the alarm he'd set the night before went off at seven o'clock. While he fixed their breakfast, Joey got on the radio to listen to the weather forecast. It called for eighty degrees and ten to fifteen knot winds, with waves around one to two feet. It should take them around seven hours to get to Atlantic City. That sounded pretty good to him, and the True Love should give them a smooth ride down.
An hour after they woke, they lifted anchor and raised the sails. A strong, steady wind filled them, and before long they were making good progress south. The weather was beautiful. There were other boats as they moved out into open waters; in every direction the ocean was dotted with fishing boats, yachts, and cargo vessels. But they kept their distance. He held onto the tiller, maintaining their position three miles out from the coastline.
"Pacey, dolphins!" Joey shouted, pointing out over the side of the boat.
He instantly looked over across the deep blue face of the ocean and he saw the dolphins; big dolphins jumping and flipping in and out of the water playfully. He had never seen that before. It was an incredible sight to witness. For the rest of the day, they were surrounded by dolphins all around them, and Joey did her best to snap pictures with the Kodak disposable camera she'd gotten while shopping on the Vineyard.
Around three o'clock in the afternoon, they were lowering the sails as they approached the Atlantic City shoreline. He then turned on the diesel motor and drove the boat along the shore near the boardwalk. There was a vast selection of marinas. His eyes fell on one that didn't look all that busy, and hoping to go unnoticed and avoid a dock fee, upon seeing an empty slip he guided the True Love in. He and Joey quickly moored her to the dock. They spent the next thirty minutes washing the boat and he gave her a serious hose down. There was salt on the metal rods holding up the rope rails on the deck, and the ocean water really had done a number on the hull.
Then he and Joey walked hand-in-hand along the scenic boardwalk nestled on the ocean. Atlantic City seemed like innocent diverting fun, like a once-decadent playground that had lost some of its luster over the decades, with just a slight undercurrent of carny danger. While walking along the boardwalk, they sampled some cotton candy and fried dough and salt water taffy, and tried a few games of chance, although chance seemed to have little to do with the outcome.
He was dismayed he couldn't seem to win Joey any prizes, even a tiny stuffed snake, the lowest possible prize. The snakes were long and made of green plush, with glued felt eyes, and shiny ribbons around their necks, if snakes even had necks.
"You don't want one of those, do you, Jo?" he asked. "Obvious phallic display."
"No," she told him, and laughed. Then she paused, finding that she did wish he could give her something to remember their day spent here. "Well… maybe." She laughed again.
He frowned as he gazed at the challenge in front of him. "You know, there's a reason my dad made me stop playing baseball. Athletics are not my strongest suit."
"And what is?" she heard herself ask in a suggestive voice. Mortification reddened her face. She couldn't believe she'd inadvertently thrown out a double entendre, especially when she was determined not to have sex with him. Well, not yet, anyway.
He laughed, butterflies fluttering in his gut. "Would you like to find out, Potter?"
Then he placed his hand under her chin and tipped her head up to his face. He lowered his head to hers, and then his lips were on hers, kissing her tenderly and passionately, making her feel like the most cherished, desired, beautiful girl on earth. She was so in love with him that her head spun. They broke apart. "Yep," she said, breathing hard. "It's kissing. Kissing is your strongest suit. Definitely."
He laughed again, his heart full and happy, and turned back to the game. He handed over two dollars and was given three balls. He eyed the target and threw the first ball. Five minutes later they were walking away, Joey holding the ugly plush snake in one hand while she held his hand in the other.
"So, what do you wanna do, Jo? We could check out a restaurant and get something to eat that isn't fish or eggs or cheese balls."
"Nothing too expensive, though," she said.
He smiled down at her. "I've got plenty of money."
She threw him a skeptical look. Since when did he have a lot of money? "Well, I have money, too, Pace. I can pay for dinner. We honestly should take turns paying for things."
"But that's your college money, Jo. You're not touchin' that."
Pursing her lips, she sighed. "Pacey, I can't have you footing the bill the entire trip. You were only planning on financing yourself, but now there's two of us. I mean, I don't know what you budgeted, or if you budgeted at all, but suddenly having another mouth to feed and clothe wasn't in your plans. I can contribute."
"But not out of your college fund that you've scrimped and saved every dollar you've earned to build. Sorry, Jo. Not happening."
"I guess I'll have to find a way to make some vacation money, then," she replied.
Suddenly, he had an idea. It could work, and it wouldn't hurt to try. They were soon strolling down the beach when his eyes fell on a tall building with a sign that read "BALLYS" at the top. He smiled and pulled Joey towards it. "We're gonna try the casino," he told her.
Her eyes widened. "But we're underage."
Shrugging, he kept heading for the casino. "Won't hurt to take a shot."
The casino doors had two bouncers but to his and Joey's surprise, they weren't asked to show their I.D. They stepped inside, totally blown away by their surroundings. They felt a hum in their veins as they walked around the casino floor. Something about the noise, the lights, and the happy anticipation that was palpable in the air made them feel excited.
"Pick one," he said, grinning, and nodded toward the slot machines.
She smiled excitedly. "One with a lever you have to pull. That would be more fun than pushing a button, I think."
They continued walking around the floor until they stood in front of a twenty-five-cent Triple Diamond slot machine. They each put in five dollars of their own money. Joey slipped her hand inside his, threading their fingers. She reached up and grabbed the lever, her grip on his hand tightening, and pulled. Three diamonds came up, the machine's lights flashing.
"Oh, my God, Pacey! We won twenty bucks!"
She pulled the lever again. They won another twenty. They played for nearly an hour and ran their ten dollars up to four-hundred-and-eighty. They couldn't believe it. Joey was squealing with delight as the machine's lights continually flashed and blinked in front of her. He gazed at her, feeling elated, watching her eyes light up, and thought they were brighter than all the lights in Atlantic City.
Joey pulled her camera out of her pocket and turned to the man on the slot machine next to them, smiling. "Excuse me? Would you mind taking our picture?"
He gave them a withering look. But he stepped over and took the camera begrudgingly. He and Joey wrapped their arms around each other in front of the blinking and flashing machine, and smiled for the camera. Once it was snapped, the man handed it back and returned to his own machine.
"We should try for more, Jo. We're on a roll, here."
"Oh, my… Well… No. No, we shouldn't. We really should leave before I head down a spiral path that leads straight to Gamblers Anonymous. Let's take our boon and run, Pace."
Laughing, he grabbed her hand and they went to find a cashier to collect their winnings. He handed the money over to Joey as they made their way towards the exit. "Your vacation fund," he told her. "Now let's get the hell out of here before someone realizes they forgot to card us."
Back on the boardwalk, they soon found the How You Brewin Internet Café. Joey logged on to one of the available computers while Pacey milled about looking over their selection of bagged coffee grounds, T-shirts, and mugs. She signed in to her email, and sure enough, Bessie had written back.
"Don't kill you? You're just lucky you're not within throwing distance! Joey - how could you just get on a boat without talking to me? How come Pacey's parents were going to let him go alone? Don't they care at all about his safety and well-being?
Bodie thinks it's pretty cool. He's glad you're finally getting the chance to actually enjoy your summer instead of spending it here with us, which, by the way would have actually been quite HELPFUL. But anyway, after I calmed down, I realized that maybe Bodie is right. Well, partially. I mean, couldn't you have explored your relationship with Pacey and all that without actually hopping on a boat to Florida? I mean, isn't there some activity the two of you could have come up with that didn't involve me worrying about you every single second for the next three months? Maybe it was selfish, but I guess I sort of was looking forward to having you around the B&B all summer. I'm not sure I can even do it without you. Plus, next year you graduate, and then you'll be leaving this town. There's only so much time left to spend with you until you fly the nest and move on to bigger and better things.
But… I didn't set out to write this to chastise you. You chastised yourself enough.
Bodie and I want you to have a good time, but please try not to be too impulsive and irresponsible during the rest of your trip. Don't make any foolish decisions that you'll regret later!
Write as often as possible. I miss you. I love you. Be careful!
P.S. Your summer reading list is attached."
She thought Bessie would've been even more mad than she was. Not that she was exactly brimming with happiness over it, but at least her sister will have the rest of the summer to simmer down. Joey stared at the admonition to not make foolish decisions she'll later regret. She knew what Bessie was getting at, and she bristled at the unsolicited counsel. She was going to be eighteen years old in three months. She wasn't a child anymore.
Ever since her sister had gotten pregnant with Alexander, she'd practically beaten her over the head with lectures about sex and being safe and responsible, and avoiding mistakes and consequences that could alter her life irreparably. Surely, Bessie knew she wouldn't be that irresponsible. She wrote a quick message back, letting her sister know she had arrived in Atlantic City safely and things were going well so far, and ignoring her sister's not-so-thinly-veiled plea for her not to have sex with Pacey.
Joey glanced over her shoulder. He was still reading the variety of coffee mugs. She turned back to face the computer and opened a new message before selecting Jen's email address and writing "Hello from New Jersey" in the subject line.
"So, I'm sure by now you know I'm not in Capeside anymore and that I left with Pacey on his boat. There is so much going on inside of me right now that I feel like I could burst, and I need to share it with someone. You're the only friend I have who I know wouldn't be hurt by it. I certainly can't write Dawson. I thought about writing Jack, but there's always a chance Andie could see it. I don't think she understands what happened between Pacey and me. I don't always understand it either, but then again, I don't ever ask myself how or why. I guess I don't really have to.
Jen… I can't even begin to describe how I feel about Pacey. I just know there is a feeling deep inside of me that I can't control. Something that feels right, that makes me feel… I don't know, tingly and warm and safe, in a strange way. I haven't felt truly safe since I lost my parents, but I do now. Pacey makes me feel safe. He makes me feel loved.
He's also totally insane! Here in Atlantic City we went to a casino. I couldn't believe they didn't card us. I'd never seen a casino before. It was the craziest experience of my life. There is absolutely nothing in Capeside I could even possibly relate this to. He insisted we raise some extra cash by playing the slots. He put in five bucks and I put in five — and we won $480! Leave it to Pacey. I just… I would never even think to do something like that. My whole life has always been about saving up, saving every last penny, and money not growing on trees and all that. Well, apparently it grows under flashing blinking lights. This is an amazing place. And Pacey is an amazing person.
OK, so… when I hopped aboard the boat, I hadn't exactly taken into account the sleeping arrangements. Pacey had one obvious plan, which I obviously nixed. He knows I'm not ready for sex yet, but I refuse to get into the old habit of platonic bed-sharing, or we'll be heading down a path I've already trod and I'm not interested in repeating. Fortunately, he came up with a workable option. He's a madcap genius, I swear. And it's not that I don't want to have sex with him… I mean, every time I'm near him now I get goosebumps! When he kisses me… I don't want it to stop. But I know in my heart I should wait. I want to wait. I do. But there are times I'll be watching him when he doesn't think I'm looking and then suddenly I'm just… not exactly sure what I'm waiting for. You got any advice?
I hope you write back. I want to hear all about your summer, too.
Love,
Joey
P.S. Please don't tell Dawson I wrote you. I'm sure it would just lead to questions and there's absolutely nothing about my life right now that he would take any pleasure in hearing about."
She hit the send button, returned to Bessie's email to print her summer reading list, and then logged off the computer.
Once Joey had finished writing her email to Bessie, he held onto her hand as they walked out of the Internet café and onto the boardwalk. The shadows had begun getting longer as the sun went down, and the colorful lights that covered nearly every building started to come to life. It was nearly seven o'clock, but there was still so much more to see. They soon came across the Ripley's Believe it or Not! Museum.
"Wanna check it out?" he asked her.
"Sure," Joey said with a smile.
It didn't seem like much of a place at first. When they stepped closer to the entrance doors, a mock witch's den had been set up behind a large window, with a wax witch, standing over a bubbling cauldron, many elaborate rugs covering the floor, and a table with a crystal ball. He was looking through the window at the den rather uninterestedly when he heard a voice say, "Hey, you!"
He looked at Joey, whose brows were knitted in confusion, and turned around behind him, but there was no one. "You," the voice said. "In the blue shirt. I'm in here."
Looking closer inside the witch's den, he saw the face of a pale girl reflected in the crystal ball. "I'm the Genie of the Crystal Ball," she said in a thick Eastern European accent, "and I want to tell you what a great time you will have here at Ripley's Believe It or Not! Museum."
"What in the world is that?" Joey said.
"And you, too, in the red shirt, with the dark hair and pretty eyes," said the Genie. "You can have a wonderful time at the Ripley's Believe It or Not! Museum, so why not come inside?"
He and Joey looked at each other. "Can she see us?" he asked.
"Of course, I can," the Genie answered, smiling. "Just like you can see me, handsome. So, why don't you come in and play? A cute guy such as yourself could have lots of fun in here."
Joey smirked. "The crystal ball is flirting with you, Pacey."
Snorting, he shook his head. "What happens inside?"
The Genie of the Crystal Ball laughed. "You get to see all the attractions," she said, before smiling some more at him. "Like me."
"Do you still want to go in?" Joey asked.
"Listen to your friend, Pacey. Don't you want to see the inside of my lamp?" the Genie asked, her tone even more flirtatious.
He laughed at the bizarreness of the situation while Joey rolled her eyes. "All right."
They paid the cheap entrance fee. Once inside, they spent almost an hour perusing the many galleries of the Odditorium, taking in the strange exhibits. They saw everything from a lock of George Washington's hair, to the world's largest matchstick bridge, to stuffed six-toed cats, to pictures of a family of giants, to celebrities painted on crickets. He posed in front of some shrunken human heads while Joey took a picture, laughing. But the Genie of the Crystal Ball was nowhere to be found inside.
"Did you two have a good time?" she asked them afterwards, all mock-innocence, as they stepped back outside.
They glared at her and walked away.
"Pacey, I'm starving. Let's go eat."
He held onto Joey's hand as they continued down the boardwalk, keeping their eyes peeled for a restaurant that looked appealing. They were soon walking inside the Rainforest Cafe. Immediately upon entering, it was like stepping into another world. Waterfalls and aquariums with brightly-colored fish could be seen inside the restaurant amid a rainforest atmosphere. Nature sounds filled the air above them, including singing birds, thunder and rain. As the hostess led them through the dining areas, they passed animatronic trumpeting elephants and a chest-pounding gorilla.
He kept his hand on Joey's lower back and then pulled out the seat for her when they reached their table. After glancing over the menu, he looked up at her. "What are you gonna get?"
"Nothing that lives in the ocean," she quipped.
Chuckling, he nodded and returned to his menu. The waitress soon arrived to take their order. They shared an appetizer of nachos and both got the BBQ bacon cheeseburger for dinner. The tables all around them were filled with families, parents and grandparents and a blur of children. "Did your parents ever take you out like this when you were a kid?" Joey asked him.
He swallowed his sip of root beer. "My parents? No. I was lucky if I got taken to the McDonald's in Hyannis. Those times were few and far between, and it was usually Doug or Gretchen who took me. You?"
"My parents would've never been able to afford to take us out to a place like this." She spun her glass of Diet Coke on the tabletop. "I can't imagine what it must've been like for your parents, having five kids."
"Well, for a while it was just Carrie, Amy, and Doug, and I think my parents were content with that. They're all close in age, only a year apart, and then that was supposed to be it. Gretchen was a surprise, six years after Doug was born, and before she came home from the hospital, my ma had her tubes tied."
Her mouth fell open. "But… then you…"
Pursing his lips, he nodded and took another drink of his soda. "You could say I was really, really unwanted." He grinned, trying to make light of it. "I've been the bane of my father's existence ever since," he said in a joking tone. "I get blank emancipation papers almost every year for my birthday."
She forked her side salad. "Are you close with your mom?"
"Um… what's with the questions, Joey?" The last thing in the world he wanted was to talk about his family.
She gaped at his reaction and then shrugged. "I'm just making conversation, Pacey. And… I don't know. I just wanna know. You mention your dad sometimes, but you rarely ever talk about your mom."
The waitress came by and refilled their water glasses. "Seeing as how you lost your mom, I don't think you wanna hear me talk about mine, especially when I don't have anything that great to say. I mean, it's not like she's, you know…"
"Dead."
"Yeah." He sighed. "So, who am I to complain, right? Let's talk about something else, Jo."
Frowning, her brows knitted with concern. "Okay…"
An awkward silence filled the air between them. He took another bite of his burger. "So, the next port of call is in Virginia, and it could take a couple days' sailing to get there. Unless you wanna stop anywhere in between?"
"Hmm… I'll have to take a look at the map when we get back on the boat," she said.
The bill came, and Joey wanted to pay with her newly acquired vacation fund courtesy of Bally's casino. When they walked out of the restaurant, the sun had long since set, and the boardwalk was as alive as ever. It seemed just as busy as the daytime, if not busier, with a crowd of people moving on the wooden walkway in both directions. In the distance, he saw a huge Ferris wheel all lit up. He turned to Joey and smiled, taking her hand in his, and began walking towards it.
On their way down the boardwalk, they passed by the decorated booth of a fortune-teller. The intriguing music, bright colors, and the gypsy woman caught their eye. "Fortune? I vill tell fortune to bee-u-tee-full girl?" she asked in her gypsy brogue, smiling invitingly and gesturing for Joey to sit down at her table.
"Yeah, I don't think so," he said dryly.
"You remember that fortune-teller at the Capeside Family Fun Fair last year?" Joey asked. "What she told me… It did kind of come true."
"Yeah, she said somethin' to me, too, Jo, and… Well, let's say I'd rather not know anything else about my future before it arrives."
She let go of his hand and walked back over to the gypsy's booth, handing over the fee. He sighed and turned around, walking back to join her. They were invited to sit down while the gypsy woman prepared the table, speaking in her Romany language. Joey handed him the plush green snake to hold. "Thanks," he snarked.
Taking Joey's hand and carefully and seriously inspecting her palm, the woman then said to her, "I see you have had much pain." The woman frowned. "Much sorrow and death in your lifetime for someone so young… But you have loved much also."
He watched Joey's brows furrow, but she allowed the gypsy woman to continue. "I see more pain and sorrow and death in your future, I am very sorry to say." Joey's hand began to tremble. "Do not be afraid," said the woman. "I see more love and more happiness, too. I see leetle boy and leetle girl. Very happy family. I see you will have a long, happy life with a successful, professional man," she concluded, smiling. Joey quickly withdrew her hand from the gypsy's grasp.
The woman looked at him. "And how about you?"
"No, thank you."
They walked away, and he peered down at her knitted brows and the frown on her face. "Jo, she's a carny. You know that everything she said was vague as hell, right? And that it could apply to pretty much anyone? She probably says that to every single young woman who sits at her table. She does it for money. It's a scam. I mean, everyone on earth will have pain and sorrow and death in their future. We all die. It's inevitable."
Joey's hand squeezed his. "Well, hopefully not too soon."
"She also said you'd have two kids and a successful husband." He grinned. "Very happy family," he said, mimicking the woman's thick accent.
"Yeah… hopefully not too soon with that either." They walked in silence for several moments. "I don't know if I'd be a good mother."
His brows furrowed in disbelief. "What? Of course, you would. You had the best mom, and I bet you'll be just like her."
Gazing up at him, she smiled warmly. "You'd be a good dad, Pacey."
"What makes you say that?" he said, laughing.
"I've seen you in action."
They were getting closer to the Ferris wheel, looming not far ahead of them. "You mean Buzz? I never knew what it was like to have a kid depend on you, and then I abandoned him to his own devices all summer. I kind of felt like crap about that, but he actually made some friends the last few months of school. So, I hope he'll have a pretty good summer while I'm gone. And I'm determined to not be a deadbeat mentor when I get back to Capeside in September. Buzz is gonna know that I'm there for him whenever he needs me. If I ever have kids, even if I screw them up, which I inevitably will, I'm gonna make sure they know I love 'em. And I'm gonna make sure they love me. I swear I'm gonna be nothin' like my dad."
She squeezed his hand again. "Pacey, you're nothing like him now."
As they neared the Ferris wheel, they heard its worker calling out, "last ride of the night!" Running hand-in-hand to catch it, they sat there, breathless and laughing, in the last passenger car available. The low door was closed before the wheel started turning slowly. Around and around they went, the ocean and the boardwalk and the lights of Atlantic City all around below them, until finally the worker began his job of unloading each car's passengers. They were soon sitting at the top of the ride, dangling high in the sky. As if on cue, the fireworks show began.
Looking out at the night and the city, they seemed cocooned together in a world made only for them. Colorful explosions in the sky doubled with their reflection in the water below. Joey leaned closer to him in the coolness of the night's breezes up there, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Could this be any more perfect?" she asked.
"Yes," he answered, and turned his head, lowering his mouth to hers, kissing her softly. He released her, searching her eyes, gazing at him adoringly, then kissed her again, this time long and hard and passionate.
A skyrocket shot up into the sky and exploded in a shower of bright red stars. The first one was followed by half a dozen more, painting the sky in flashes of sparkling colors. More rockets rose high above them and exploded, multicolored lights illuminated both the boardwalk buildings and the boats in the marinas below.
"I love you, Joey," he said, breaking their kiss and searching deeply into her eyes once again. They were dilated, and he thought he saw a glimmer of passion stirring there. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," she sighed, her fingers sliding through his hair. "So much."
He kissed her again. Then he dropped his lips to her neck, and she moaned. That perfect purr fanned the flames and spurred him on. His heart raced, and butterflies fought to escape his stomach. Her goosebumps flashed under his tongue's caress, and she shuddered with each kiss against her throat. Her hands then wrapped into his T-shirt, fisting the fabric. "Pacey," she breathed. "I really don't think we should christen the Ferris wheel."
"Depends how long we're stuck up here," he quipped.
She laughed, and he pulled away, smiling at her. Sitting back against the seat, he heaved a sigh and waited for his breathing to return to normal. The wheel started moving again and it wasn't long before they were back on the ground.
"There's still so much we haven't seen," Joey said. "This boardwalk is huge. Do you think we could spend another day here? Or are you in a hurry to get going?"
"No, I'm in no hurry," he replied, smiling. "We can hang out here tomorrow, too."
She yawned and then wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head on his shoulder. "Let's go back to the boat, Pace."
The following day, they went all over Atlantic City, taking in the various sights and sounds, sampling the variety of foods offered by boardwalk vendors. When they arrived back at the marina and boarded the True Love, to their chagrin they found a band had set up on the docks near the boat and was playing loud reggae music while people danced all around. After an unsuccessful attempt to sleep while the music raged on outside, he hopped out of his hammock.
"Jo, I can't take this. We're gettin' out of here."
After turning on the boat's lighting above deck, he started the motor and drove out of the marina. Once he positioned the True Love about a mile offshore, he anchored and returned to the cabin below. There he found Joey looking over their map of the east coast. "So, where would you like to stop next?" he asked her.
She tilted her head back and forth, thinking. "You know, I'm desperately needing a shower. A real shower. Not a dip in the ocean with my clothes on."
"I told you that you could easily bathe with your clothes off, Jo." He walked over to the mini fridge to grab a bottle of water. "I mean, I do."
She threw him a look and chewed her lip, fighting a grin. "There's a port on the other side of Delaware Bay. It's about fifty nautical miles from here, in Lewes. It would probably take us just under four hours to get there, depending on the weather."
He twisted the bottle cap and took a drink. "Okay. We'll find a place where you can take a shower, and I'll also fill up the diesel tank while we're there."
"Since we have the casino winnings, maybe we could splurge and get a motel room," she suggested. "Take a break from the hammocks for one night. I'm sure our spines will thank us later."
He smiled. "Sounds good to me."
Having slept in after another late night in Atlantic City, it was close to noon on Thursday when Joey helped Pacey raise the sails for departure. A strong wind filled them and soon they were on the move. Sitting on the white cushioned bench seat in the cockpit, her pulse fluttered as she watched him handle the tiller and the boom, tack or trim the sails, his every move one of confident control and finesse.
Then he handed her the sunscreen. She began to rub it on her arms and shoulders and then her face. When she was finished, she handed it back to him. "Thanks."
He reached out to spread some more evenly around her lips and nose. "Can't take any chances with this beautiful face," he said. Then he put some on his, too.
"Whose face did you mean?" she asked, and he laughed.
"You're the only beautiful one on this boat, Jo."
Her cheeks blushed with embarrassment. She shook her head, gazing at him. He was beautiful, and he didn't even know it. "I beg to differ. You should see the way the girls in school look at you now when you walk down the hallway."
A baffled expression etched across his face. "They look at me? They never talk to me."
"Probably your reputation, honestly."
"You mean the weird kid who slept with his English teacher when he was just fifteen and caused a town scandal?"
She shrugged. "That might have something to do with it. You're known as a troublemaker. Well, you used to be, anyway. Also, your dad's the sheriff and no one wants to date a narc."
He grinned, nodding in agreement. "If only they knew my dad hates me. Girls have been giving me a wide berth ever since I can remember. I don't know why you decided to give me the time of day, to be honest."
"You're right, Pacey. Now that I think of it, I'm gonna use the rest of my casino cash for a plane ticket home as soon as we get into port. It was fun while it lasted… I guess."
"Dawson will be thrilled," he blurted out.
That was the last person she wanted to think or talk about right now. "Speaking of your dad, how come he was going to let you come alone on this trip?"
He pursed his lips, thinking. "He's probably hoping I'll get in a tragic accident and never come home so he can collect on my life insurance policy and buy himself a bigger boat."
Joey snorted, but then frowned, wishing he would drop the jokes and speak frankly about his father. He never wanted to talk about it, and always changed the subject, usually after making some joke. She knew there was a lot of pain underneath those jokes and wished he would open up and share the burden with her.
"It's hot today," he said, wiping the sweat off his brow with his forearm. He grabbed the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it off over his head. Then he handed her the bottle of sunscreen again. "Help me out." Pacey sat down on the seat beside her and put his back to her. She spread some sunscreen on her palms and then rubbed the lotion into the smooth, soft skin over his shoulders, his neck, and up and down his strong back. She'd died and gone to heaven, her insides going all warm and fluttery.
Then he turned to take the bottle from her to do his front. She made a tsk, tsk noise. "That's my job," she told him. He smirked and threw his hands up in mock defeat. Joey spread more sunscreen on her palms and then rubbed it over his muscular arms, down to his hands and fingers, then his chest and stomach, her fingers brushing along the trail of dark hair that ran down from his belly button. She paused when she reached the waistband of his swim trunks, her heart beating like mad inside her chest, and looked up at him.
He gazed at her intensely, his eyes becoming a darker shade of blue, his mouth curving into a slight smile. "Thanks, Joey." Then he turned away from her and stepped out of the cockpit, moving down the deck to the forward bow to check on the sail ropes.
She let her gaze roam over his glistening upper body as he worked in the sun, noticed the way his bicep muscles flexed every time he pulled at a rope or maneuvered the sail, the way his shoulder blades moved whenever he reached for something. Joey shook her head to clear her mind before the heat she felt rising inside her body reddened her cheeks and she embarrassed herself. Then she sat back and closed her eyes to feel the salty breeze and the warm sunshine. Moments later, she suddenly felt his lips touch hers, surprising, but soft and warm. She opened her eyes as he pulled back.
"Couldn't help it," he said. "You're too beautiful to resist."
"I bet you used that line on all the girls you dated."
Pacey looked affronted, but then he grinned sarcastically. "Yeah, 'cause there've been so many," he quipped. "You're just naturally skeptical, Potter. That's all right. I'll wait."
"For what?"
"For you to actually believe me when I say you're beautiful."
She smiled, her heart doing a little flip, and then she watched him move to the cabintop and unfold the Bimini over the cockpit.
It was going on four o'clock in the afternoon when they sailed into Breakwater Harbor outside Lewes, Delaware. Once the True Love was moored to the dock, they disembarked with a packed overnight bag and made their way into town. Some locals pointed them in the direction of a place with cheap rates, and before long they were walking hand-in-hand into the lobby of the Anchorage Hotel.
"We only have one room left, but it's not a double," the woman said behind the reception desk. "There's one queen bed, and it's forty bucks for the night."
She looked over at Pacey, who met her gaze with arched brows, silently asking her to yea or nay. She nodded, smiling her approval, although her stomach fluttered and tightened. But it was the only room available. Unless they wanted to go to another place and spend more money, they had no choice. He took out his wallet. "We'll take the room." Then he handed over his debit card. "Do you have a cot or a rollaway bed we could use?"
Joey smiled at his thoughtful consideration of the boundaries she'd put in place, without her having to say a word.
"I'm afraid all the rollaway beds are in use, hun," the woman replied. "School just let out around here and the hotel is packed full of families with lots of kids, not to mention the conference going on in the next town over."
She watched Pacey sign on the dotted line, registering their names, and then the receptionist handed over two keys to room 217. Unlocking the door to their room, he held it open and she stepped in first. It was nothing to write home about, but it was a larger living space than the boat cabin. He walked in behind her and closed the door, carrying the overnight bag and dropping it on the bed.
"I'll sleep on top of the covers, Jo."
Joey felt her heart swell with love for him, for his sweet and unfailing concern for her feelings, his thoughtfulness, his gentleness. He was caring and kind and she loved him. She again wondered what she was even waiting for, and why. Her thoughts turned to the email she'd sent Jen, hoping she'd hear back from her sooner rather than later.
"Ladies first," he told her, nodding at the bathroom door.
She then brought the overnight bag with in her into the bathroom and soon stepped into the hot shower. After drying off and putting on a clean set of clothes, she walked out of the bathroom. Pacey was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching TV. "Hey, Jo, while I'm in the shower, you should go to the bookstore across the street and get some books on your reading list," he said. "Then we can go get something to eat."
"Yeah, okay," she smiled. "Sounds good."
She slipped on her sandals, put one of the room keys in her pocket, kissed him, and then walked out of the room. Having already chosen a title off her list that she thought Pacey might like more than the others, she quickly found a paperback edition at the small bookstore and returned to the hotel. Walking off the elevator and onto the second floor, she remembered when he had read Little Women to her last Christmas when she'd been sick and felt tingly inside at the thought of listening to him read to her again. The memory carried her to their room, where she stuck in her key and unlocked the door, stepping back inside and closing it behind her.
A sound from the shower interrupted her train of thought. There it was again. Was that a moan? Maybe she'd just imagined that deep, throaty sound amid the pounding of the water pressure. She heard it again. It wasn't her imagination. She wasn't exactly naïve, but it took a moment for her to figure it out. It was the sound of a man aroused, and obviously his hand and his imagination were busy. Oh, God. She blushed—she could feel the heat of embarrassment wash over her. Was this why Pacey had sent her out to the bookstore? Most likely. She'd clearly come back too soon.
Frozen in place, she didn't know what to do. Should she loudly announce her presence, maybe turn on the TV, so that he'll stop? That probably wouldn't be kind. Spending all hours of the day and night in a cramped, enclosed space together was no doubt just as frustrating for him as it sometimes was for her. Well, she couldn't just stand there and listen either. Suddenly the intensity and frequency of his moans increased and another type of heat fired through her. It was if her thighs went up in flames. She bit down on her lip, unable to suppress her physical reaction, and then quickly and quietly went back out through the door and into the hallway. And waited.
How long should she wait? How long did it take? Joey didn't know. After what seemed like close to ten minutes, she unlocked the door again and tentatively stepped back inside. The bathroom door was still shut, but the shower had been turned off. She breathed a sigh of relief, and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed, placing the shopping bag with her new book down on the mattress beside her. Feeling embarrassed and frustrated and, although she really didn't want to admit it, turned on, she nervously bounced her leg up and down. Then she picked up the remote and turned on the television just as the bathroom door opened and Pacey walked out.
She gazed at him standing there, wet hair with a large white towel wrapped around his waist. He raised a smaller towel to dry his hair. Then his eyes quickly caught her steady gaze. "Hey, you're back," he said with a smile. He lowered the towel and stared at her.
She stared right back at him with bated breath. It wasn't like she'd never seen him without a shirt on before, but somehow the damp hair and the towel and the beads of water that clung to his smooth, taut skin made him appear even more attractive. It didn't help that she had to keep forcing the memory away of what she'd walked in on minutes earlier.
"Yeah, just walked through the door."
It was no secret how handsome he was. His good looks had always unnerved her, ever since they were kids. Come to think of it, Pacey had featured heavily in her very first sex dream when she was fifteen years old. The dream had been so intense and graphic that it had woken her up, breathless and throbbing. It had only made her confused and upset, which she took out on him with a vengeance the following day at school. Now she knew why. Dawson was right—hindsight was 20/20.
Her fingers tingled from wanting to touch the damp, glistening muscles of his chest and arms. Her toes curled at the memory of the sounds she'd heard him make while in the shower. The way his wet hair stuck out in all directions—no words. She could feel her face burning. Her mouth had gone dry. She needed to change the subject of her internal monologue. Now.
Joey swallowed and tore her eyes away, trying to focus on the television. A rerun of Seinfeld was on. She tried to pay attention, but her gaze kept drifting to Pacey as he crouched in front of the overnight bag and looked through the packed clothes.
"Hey, so what books did you get?"
She turned from the television to look at him. He was still standing there in his towel, a pair of jeans in his hand. "Uh… I got Moby Dick."
He smiled, nodding appreciatively. "Good choice. Appropriate for us seafaring folk. Just the one book?"
"Well, you know, once it's finished, I can get another one." He nodded again and then she watched him disappear inside the bathroom, a sense of relief filling her.
Later that night, after they'd gotten dinner at a local restaurant recommended by the hotel staff and then took a stroll along the beach and back to the marina to check on the True Love, they returned to the hotel. While Pacey went out to get ice from the vending room near the elevator, Joey changed into the most unrevealing nightwear she had—a pair of short-sleeved cotton pajamas—and buttoned them up as high as possible. She then walked out of the bathroom and automatically went to the side of the bed she'd used before in the boat's bunk on their first night, somewhat surprised at how natural it felt.
Scooting down under the covers, she felt her body go rigid with tension, and lay like that until she heard the door open and his footfall as he entered the room. She stopped breathing as she listened to him double check the locks on the door. "Already in bed, huh, Jo?" Pacey said as he walked in. "I guess it's been a long day," he sighed, kicking off his shoes. "Oh, we gotta make sure to check out on time tomorrow. Have to be out of here by eleven. Need to remember to set the alarm."
She listened to the sound of him putting ice in a glass and then filling it with water. He walked around to her side of the bed and set the glass down on her end table. "Thanks, Pace."
"No problem. Do you mind if I watch a little TV before I turn out the light?"
"No, that's fine."
The television came on and the unmistakable sound of the ER opening credits filled the room. "What's gonna happen to Carter, Jo?" Pacey asked in an emotional tone of mock concern as he sat down on the end of the bed.
She giggled. "Didn't they send him off to rehab in the season finale?"
"That they did. I almost shed a tear."
"Almost?"
"I plead the fifth."
She lay awake, staring at the wall, listening to the television. After about half an hour, Pacey shut off the TV. Her body went rigid with tension again and she stopped breathing as she listened to him walk around the room. She shut her eyes tight and forced herself to take long, shallow breaths. It was almost torture listening to his movements and trying not to imagine what he was doing. The whisper of his T-shirt sliding off, a belt buckle opened, a button popped. When she heard his jeans hit the floor and the barely discernible sound of his pajama bottoms sliding up his legs, a corresponding heat flooded the pit of her stomach. She had to bite her lip to stifle a whimper.
She heard his footsteps padding to the bathroom and water running, being shut off, and then his footsteps come back to the bed. She felt the dip as he lay down on top of the covers, true to his word. She was curled in a ball, as far away from him as she could get, the covers tucked around her like a wall.
"Joey?" he murmured in the dark, rolling over onto his side behind her.
"Hmm?"
"I wanna kiss you goodnight."
Her eyes shut tightly, her insides warring against her. "How about I kiss you good morning instead, Pacey?"
Silence. "Okay."
He slid closer and she tensed even more. His arm started coming around to hold her. "I really think you should stay on your side of the bed," she told him, suddenly feeling panicked.
He froze. More silence. "Um, okay…" The bed dipped as he moved away from her. "Goodnight, Jo."
"Goodnight, Pace."
She only fell asleep once he'd stopped moving and she heard his deep breaths even out.
The following day, they went to JavaByte Internet Lounge next to the Dairy Queen near the beach, and Joey logged onto a computer and signed in to her email. Bessie hadn't replied, but Jen had. "Your secret is safe with me," was written in the subject line. Excitedly, she opened the message.
"Joey,
Well, I must admit I was not exactly expecting to hear from you. But I'm glad you felt you could write me. We've come a long way since sophomore year, haven't we? I've always wondered if my arrival in Capeside had this Pandora's box type effect on the entire Pacey/Joey/Dawson universe. I suppose it's a bit self-indulgent to take responsibility for that whole devolution, but if there's a way to blame myself, you can bet I'll find it.
Ironically, I think everything worked out for the best. You sound happy. Treasure that. Happiness doesn't find you too often – you have to hold onto what you find. While you were watching Mitch and Gail take their vows, I was chasing a bus full of football players halfway to Ohio to tell one specific football player that I love him. And it was cheesy and sappy and cinematic and totally out of character – yet I feel this inner peace now. I have the knowledge that no matter what happens, I didn't let a chance for happiness slip me by. You're doing the same. Run with it… savor it… hold onto your happiness for as long as you can. It's too rare and too precious a thing to let go. That's my advice.
I've kept your secret. I don't see any point in telling Dawson you wrote me… for now. I can't promise I'll never have to tell him. I don't want to lie to him. He trusts me. So if he asks, I can't promise that I won't tell him the truth. But I don't see the point right now in hurting him needlessly.
Take care of yourself Joey. Keep me updated on your travels, if you want to.
Love,
Jen
P.S. My advice about sex? Joey, I'm the last person you should be asking about that. I guess I should tell you to take your time. You'll know when the moment is right. I didn't take my time, and look how screwed up I am. Hope that helps… JL"
She stared at the screen, feeling glad Jen wrote, but somewhat disappointed that was all she had to say. She hit the reply button and began to type.
"Jen,
Thanks for writing me back. I can't believe you chased Henry almost all the way to Ohio, but good for you. I hope you can hold onto your happiness, too. We stayed in a real hotel last night here in Delaware. I was beginning to desperately need a real shower. It was well worth the money we paid. Even though it looked a bit like the Bates Motel, it felt like the Ritz compared to our usual cramped boat. It felt wonderful… Until I started thinking about sex with him. I mean, the two of us in a small enclosed space all week, finally in a facility with hot water and a queen-sized bed with a comfortable mattress – how could I not? There was only one bed our hotel room, but when we slept… Jen, I wouldn't even let him touch me because I was afraid of what would happen.
I don't know if afraid is the right word exactly… I mean, I'm not afraid of Pacey! I guess I'm afraid of myself – the way he looks at me with those warm dark blue eyes… It's like I'm just going to forget everything else in the world and give in to what my heart is telling me. And I have to try SO HARD not to do that. So, no offense, but your advice doesn't exactly help! Not when I'm spending every waking – and sleeping – moment with someone I want to have sex with. I know the collective experiences of you and my sister and countless others should bring my mind to the logical "stay away" conclusion but somehow when we're together my brain starts making leaps and bounds toward other not so logical conclusions. I have to stop myself not because I want to, but because I know I have to or there'll be no turning back. Once we start having sex, everything will change and I know I'm not ready for that yet.
So, I'm waiting… waiting for the right time. But when is the right time? At what point will it be right? A month from now? Six months from now? Next week? How will I know? And when will I completely disregard all these rational thoughts, listen to what my body and my heart are telling me, and give in to Pacey's irresistible charm?
Anyway, other than this ongoing internal struggle, everything here is perfect. The weather is perfect. The places are perfect. Pacey is perfect.
I want you to keep me updated on your summer, too. Take care.
Love,
Joey
P.S. Thanks for keeping my secret. I completely understand if you have to tell Dawson the truth if he asks."
She signed out of her email and logged off. Then she looked up at Pacey sitting at the computer on the other side of the table. "Email anybody?" she asked him.
He shook his head. "I don't actually have email. I'm looking up info about the next port."
"You don't have email? You know, you can easily get one."
"Didn't you see Terminator? These things will eventually kill us all, Jo. Pacey J. Witter is going to stay off the grid."
Rolling her eyes, she snorted. "Well, if you don't have email, then how come you said you'd planned on writing Andie?"
He blinked, then his lips curved into a smirk. "See, Potter, there's this thing called paper. And you write on it with a pen. Then you stick it in an envelope, put a stamp on it, and mail it. It's much more—"
"Romantic?" She grinned teasingly and stood up from the table.
"…Personal." He got off the computer, threw their overnight bag over his shoulder, and joined her side. "So, what did Bessie have to say?"
Joey froze. She hadn't told him she'd written Jen, and suddenly wasn't sure how he'd react to knowing she was keeping in touch with friends back in Capeside. She certainly didn't want him to know the dominant subject of her emails with Jen. "Not much…" Lowering her gaze, she sighed. She didn't want to lie, or hide things from him. "Bessie didn't reply to my last email, but Jen did."
He stared at her. "You're writing Jen? As in Jen Lindley?"
"Why is that surprising, Pacey?"
"Well, you two aren't exactly Buffy and Willow."
She shrugged as they stepped out of the lounge and onto the sidewalk. "We got kinda close back in the spring when, you know…" She sighed. "I needed a friend. Someone I could talk to about the whole situation with you and Dawson. A friend who would listen without judgment and who would just be there for me without any agenda. Lord knows that wasn't Dawson anymore, no matter how much he tried to convince me otherwise."
He took her hand, threading their fingers, and they began to walk towards the harbor. "And you're writing her now about… what? To see how Dawson is doing since you left?"
"No, Pacey. I haven't asked about him at all. I'm writing her just to keep in touch because that's what friends do. I'm writing her to tell her how happy I am to be on this trip with you and how I'm loving every second of it."
"Really?" He turned to her and smiled.
Joey gazed at him, her heart full of love. "Yes. Really."
Once he'd filled the tank with diesel fuel and they were out of the harbor, Joey helped him raise the sails, and soon they were moving south along the Delaware coast. It would take about five hours to reach Virginia. He sat in the cockpit, his hand on the tiller, his gaze often roaming over to Joey. She sat on the other cushioned bench on his left, her eyes closed, soaking up the sunshine. She looked totally content and at peace.
His thoughts drifted to the night before in the hotel room. To when he laid down on the bed beside her and felt how tense she was, how tightly wound, as if she'd been on her guard. He supposed he couldn't blame her, but he just wished he knew what was going on inside her head. He knew she wasn't ready for sex, and he respected that. Hell, even he didn't think sex would be a good idea right now. It was way too soon. They hadn't even been on the boat for a full week yet. They had all the time in the world.
He just wanted her to know that she could trust him. She'd told him she did, but then it was like she almost panicked when he'd gotten on top of the covers next to her. Sure, he was a teenager, but he wasn't some hormonal Neanderthal with no self-control. Even back when he was fifteen and a dumbass, he'd been (mostly) in control of himself. Waiting didn't bother him. As long as he had her, he was happy. But he couldn't help wondering… did Joey at least want to? As much as he did?
He wasn't sure, but he noticed the way she touched him, the way she kissed him, the way she held him. She even initiated it a lot of the time. He noticed the way she would stare at him for no reason. And the way she'd look at him when he kissed her, as if with a longing or desire or openness that seemed to want to invite him in and bring him closer. Everything else in the world seemed to disappear whenever she looked into his eyes.
Her left leg bounced a bit now and then as it sat there crossed in a feminine way on her right leg, turned in his direction. Joey's body was turned towards him and was open and this was certainly a good sign. He remembered one of Tamara's lessons on how important non-verbal communication was and what it says without saying anything. Joey was attracted to him without a doubt, but whether she actually wanted to have sex with him was another thing altogether.
"So, are you going to talk to me or think about me?" she suddenly asked, grinning at him.
He forced himself back to reality. "Can't I do both?"
Joey smiled, her eyes sparkling in the sunshine. "So, what do you want to do in Virginia?"
"Um…" He shrugged, unsure. "Just take in the sights and see what we find, I guess."
They arrived at Chincoteague Island, Virginia in the late afternoon. After setting sights on a marina with a lot of vacant slips and not many people hanging around, he moored the True Love to its dock. They soon learned the island was only seven miles long and three miles wide, with lots to see and do. Once they'd strolled around the beach area and snacked on funnel cake, they came across Refuge Mini Golf and Amusements.
"What do you think?" Joey asked.
"You really want to play?" he replied, his brows arching in surprise.
She pursed her lips and shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
It was June at the beach—peak mini golf season—and the place was packed, no doubt with locals and tourists alike. The course was designed like an African wildlife refuge, with giraffes, zebras, and elephants all around. He went first at each hole, doing a quick once over of the obstacle, and then taking his shot while Joey watched. Then he stepped to the side to allow her to take her turn.
"Thanks for not being one of those guys who takes a girl to mini golf and stands close behind her and leans into her ass and places his hands over hers on the club," she said, rolling her eyes.
He laughed. "I don't need to be one of those guys, Potter." Suddenly he wondered just how often Dawson had subjected her to torturous rounds of mini golf back home.
It wasn't long before they reached the ninth hole. Joey appraised the green, widened the space between her feet, and repositioned her weight. But then, instead of taking the shot, she shoved the putter between her legs, holding it with her thighs, bent over, took the elastic from around her wrist, and pulled her dark hair into a ponytail.
"Potter, this isn't the U.S. Open. Just hit the ball."
"My hair was falling in my face, Pacey. I couldn't see the ball." She turned back to the green and continued in her goal of finding the perfect Zen alignment between her and the ball.
He turned and noticed a group of impatient golfers behind them, waiting for them to move on to the next hole. God, it was hot out here—too hot for mini golf. Joey took a swing at last. The ball rolled slowly toward the nick in the wall, hit it at just the right spot, and with a perfect trajectory glided between the giraffe's legs and landed in the cup: a hole in one.
"Nice shot, Jo!"
She beamed. "One of these days, Pace, I just might beat you."
Laughing, he started walking with her to the next hole. "I have no doubts about that."
When they finished up at the eighteenth hole, they returned their clubs and walked back out onto the boulevard, heading down toward the waterfront. On the way they stopped to eat at the McDonald's, and enjoyed the air-conditioning while they had French fries and hot fudge sundaes. Once they reached the beach, they slipped off their shoes and carried them as they stepped onto the warm sand.
"It's so frickin' hot, I'm sweatin' my ass off, Potter."
"I know. I can't believe how hot it is. Even by the ocean."
The golden sun was turning to orange, sending yellow ribbons of glimmering light across the water. He looked out over the pristine blue of the ocean ahead of them. It looked so inviting. Grinning, he grabbed hold of her hand and started running down the beach, pulling her along with him. Gleefully, they ran into the water fully clothed, soaking their bodies in the glorious respite from the heat. Joey laughed with delight as she dunked her head below the surface and came up shaking like a wet spaniel. He laughed, his heart swelling at the look of joy on her face.
"Oh, my God, Pacey," she giggled, rubbing her hand over her face and looking down at her clothes, soaked to her skin.
Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, while at the same time pulling him down into the salty water. He stood up, pulling Joey with him. Without giving her a chance to react, he picked her up and threw her further out into the water. The sound of their splashing and laughing bounced across the ocean's surface.
Fifteen minutes later they sat on the sand together, Joey lying back between his legs, with her head against his shoulder, their hands clasped together, fingers entwined. Sunshine glittered on the water's surface. "I've never been this happy in my life," he whispered into her ear. "I didn't know it was possible to even be this happy. I want us to stay together for the rest of our lives. But… then I remember we're only seventeen and… I suppose that's unrealistic, huh?"
"Some people might say that's unrealistic," she said. "But I don't care. There are lots of people who fell in love when they were teenagers and are still together decades later. Me and you, Pace. I believe."
His heart thumping in his chest, he smiled and pressed his cheek to hers. "I love you more than life itself."
Joey turned her head and leaned forward, gently kissing his mouth. He unclasped their hands, and she turned fully into him, her arms going around his shoulders as he held her. There was a time when he didn't think it would ever be possible for her to love him just as much as he loved her, but he was now starting to believe he'd been wrong. Maybe they had a real chance. Maybe this could truly last forever.
The setting sun blazed on their faces across the sea, painted its colorful splendor on the evening sky, and showered its golden enchantment on the sandy beach. The air began to cool slightly, a breeze blowing softly from the sea as bright blue waves crashed on the shoreline. Looking into his eyes, Joey hugged him to her and kissed him again, sweeter and more sensual, and he could feel her love for him pouring out of her.