June 19. First thing on Monday morning, Joey left the beach marina, Pacey remaining behind to continue repairs on the True Love, and made for the downtown area of Wilmington. Once she reached Connections Cyber Café, she stepped inside and logged on to one of the available computers to shoot her sister the A-OK email. When she signed in, she found a frazzled message from Bessie, in a panic over the storm. She quickly replied and let her know everything was fine. She was pleased to see Jen had also sent her an email.
"Joey,
I only have a second because I'm with Dawson at an internet café in Philadelphia and he already thinks it's extremely odd that I insisted we stop here. But here's the situation. There's a couple of Capesiders here in the City of Brotherly Love who won't admit it, but are scared to death that you and Pacey are swimming with the fishes at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean right about now in light of the recent storm. Me and Jack are both pretty convinced that two dead seafaring teenagers would have at least been noticed by the coast guard and would likely have made local, if not national news – but if you wouldn't mind shooting word my way that you and Pacey survived the first big summer storm of the debatable millennium, it would be much appreciated. Thanks. Now I have to go email Grams since that is what I told Dawson I had to do…
Jen
P.S. I know I told you I wouldn't say anything and I haven't… yet. But I don't think I can take Dawson and Andie hedging around the "Do you think they're okay?" question all summer long. And since they have absolutely no idea that you're even checking your email on this little honeymoon of yours… please, let me pass on some good news. That is, assuming you're alive and reading this…
P.S.S. I read your last email but I can't begin to give you the kind of reply you deserve on that subject with Dawson sitting on the other side of the room. I'll write back as soon as I can. JL"
She stared at the screen. A man took the computer next to hers and set his cup of coffee down on the desk beside the keyboard, momentarily distracting her. She honestly had no idea the storm would generate such a glut of concern back home. But once Dawson knew she was okay, would he be angry at her for telling Jen and not him? Should she email him, too? She couldn't exactly spam everyone with an "I'm OK" at this point… It would probably just come across as impersonal and hurtful and not at all what she intended it to be. Maybe speaking to Dawson through Jen was the better idea, but then how would Pacey feel, knowing she was sending messages to Dawson and the others? She'd wanted to leave Capeside behind her in the near but distant past, but here it was coming back to haunt her with all its complications.
"Jen,
I'm alive. Pacey is, too. We're relatively safe here in Wilmington, North Carolina, and we'll be staying for a few days. The boat is OK, considering the shape it could have been in, but it's going to need a few small repairs. Pacey is working on that now. Despite his reluctance, I finally convinced him to call home and let his family know he's all right, which he's supposed to do when he meets me for breakfast in a little bit. So, I guess you can go ahead and let everyone else know that we survived and we're doing fine.
That storm was about the scariest thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know why I felt like the boat was invulnerable, or that nothing bad could happen as long as Pacey and I were together. But I got the proverbial wakeup call on Saturday that "True Love" does not conquer all… at least, not Mother Nature. At one point, I really did think we were going to die. I just felt so vulnerable, so suddenly aware of my surroundings, aware that this was reality and not just some fantasy dream cruise or a movie that Dawson was shooting in his backyard. It was real and it was terrifying and it was nothing like I've ever experienced and, to be quite honest, I hope I never do again.
Anyway, what are you all doing in Philadelphia? Just a weekend getaway, or is there a specific purpose for this sojourn to Pennsylvania? Either way, I hope you're all having fun and enjoying yourselves.
Joey
P.S. I can fully appreciate why broaching a certain subject while Dawson is there wouldn't be ideal, but… I think maybe I've possibly made up my mind. Life is too short to wait for what you want, right? I mean, we could've died in that storm! Died without ever knowing what it was like to love each other in every way possible. So, I decided. I think. Maybe."
After she logged off the computer, Joey glanced at the clock on the wall. She needed to get over to the restaurant. Returning to Wrightsville Beach, she walked inside Neptune's. The place smelled amazing and it was packed with people. There was a sign directing customers to seat themselves, so she found a small table for two and sat down. An older gentleman with an apron tied around his waist soon approached the table and handed her a menu.
"Hiya, hun," the waiter greeted with a smile. "You here alone?"
"No, I'm waiting for my boyfriend."
Her mind froze, and a silly grin started to spread across her face as she watched the waiter place another menu down across from her and walk away. She chewed her lip, fighting it as she felt the heat rise in her face. She'd said it without thinking. It had just slipped out, but she realized she meant it. She'd never really been able to think of anyone that way before. She'd avoided calling A.J. that. She and Jack never quite got that far, and Dawson… Although, he'd technically been her boyfriend for a few months, she usually just thought of him as Dawson. There weren't really words for that role.
But she and Pacey were a couple now, at least she thought so. And this trip was the most amazing, eye-opening experience she'd ever had. Not that that was so hard when she'd spent her entire life in Capeside. The trip hadn't been perfect so far, but she was learning so much more than she'd ever have learned at home. About Pacey—and about the world.
A few minutes later, he joined her at the table. "Hey. We're gonna need new sails," he sighed as he sat down across from her. "I thought maybe the torn sails could be sewn up, but I think they're too badly damaged."
"Oh, no," she frowned. "How much is that going to cost?"
"It's not cheap, but it's okay. I've got the money."
She gave him a skeptical look. "You keep saying you have money. From where?"
He stared, shrugging. "I have a job, Jo."
"Yeah, but… the video store?"
"I've been working there for the past three years."
Before she could reply, the waiter returned to the table. "So, this must be the boyfriend."
Pursing her lips, her eyes flew to Pacey's. She blushed furiously as she watched his grin spread into a wide smile. "Uh… yeah, that's me," he said.
"Do you know what you want for breakfast?" the waiter then asked.
"I'll have coffee and orange juice," she replied. "And, uh, the kid's meal."
Pacey laughed under his breath. "Um… well, I'm not that hungry. So… yeah, I'll get the same."
The waiter nodded and left. She chewed her lip while Pacey started smirking at her. "You're telling people I'm your boyfriend, huh?"
"Well…" Oh, God. She was blushing again. "That is what you are… Aren't you?" She suddenly felt uneasy, as if perhaps she should've had a conversation with him about it first.
He reached across the table and took her hand, playing with her fingers. "Well, aren't you my girlfriend?"
She wished she would stop blushing, and had no idea why she felt so nervous. "Am I?"
Laughing, Pacey shook his head. "Jesus, Potter. Okay. I'm your boyfriend and you're my girlfriend. There, that settles it." She smiled, her heart swelling, as he pulled his hand away when the waiter returned with their coffee and juice. "Oh, so, did you let Bessie know you're okay?" he asked once they were alone again.
Her stomach fluttered with nerves. "Uh… yeah. She'd already emailed me first, freaking out about the storm. And… well…" She sighed. "Jen emailed me, too. She's in Philadelphia with everyone. Apparently, Dawson and Andie are very, very worried about us, and she wanted to know if she could assure them that we're okay."
He rubbed his fingers over his forehead. "What did you say?"
"I told Jen she could let them know that we survived the storm and we're alive. You're not angry with me, are you? Please don't be angry, Pacey."
"No, I'm not angry, Jo." Sighing, he picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip. "Well, I suppose it wouldn't exactly be kind to let them spend the summer wondering if we're dead. I wouldn't want to put Andie through that. Although, admittedly, I think it might've been a good idea to let Dawson wonder for a while. It would've given him something to think about, and perhaps a little self-reflection about how badly he handled this whole situation might've done him some good."
She frowned, and wondered if the three of them would ever be able to be friends again. Right now, it seemed highly unlikely. "Well, maybe being 'scared to death' as Jen put it made him think over the past couple days."
"Yeah, maybe," he breathed.
"Speaking of letting people know we're alive…" Her brows arched pointedly.
He blinked at her before closing his eyes and shaking his head. "I know, I know… I'll call as soon as we're done eating."
A few minutes later, their food arrived at the table. She gazed down at her large plate in shock. It was supposed to be the kid's meal, but she still ended up with eggs, bacon, sausage, grits, hash browns, and a biscuit. "I can't believe this," she said, looking up at Pacey, who was also staring down impressively at his plate. "We're definitely not in Massachusetts anymore."
"Do people down here really eat this much before noon?" he said before glancing down at his plate. "So, people actually eat stuff called grits, huh?" He took a bite and nodded appreciatively while he chewed. "Believe it or not, it's pretty darn edible."
They dug into their breakfast. To her surprise, the grits were delicious, as was everything else, but there was no way she could eat it all. "We better not stay in Wilmington very long or you'll need two boats to get me back home, Pacey," she joked.
"Whatever it takes," he smiled.
The check came and she paid for their meal. Taking Pacey's hand, they walked out of the restaurant and into the sunshine.
Standing at one of the payphones they found on the beach, his stomach filled with nerves, he lifted the receiver while Joey watched from a respectful distance. The safe bet would be to call his brother and hopefully he could just pass on the news that he was still alive to their parents, and that way he could avoid calling home. After punching in the number, he waited for a few brief moments while it rang.
"Barnstable County Sheriff's Office. Good morning. How may I help you?"
"Hi, uh… Can I talk to Deputy Witter?"
"Sure. Hold please." … "May I ask who's calling?"
"His brother."
"Pacey? Pacey Witter, is that you?"
"Hi, Margaret."
"I heard you went sailing down to Florida. We were so worried after that storm. Are you all right?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Nothing to worry about. So, is Doug still there?"
"He is. Just a moment."
He sighed and turned around, looking out over the beach, watching the gentle waves of the ocean roll onto the shore. Then he heard the click of the phone.
"Hello, wandering brother…"
"Hey, Dougie. How are ya?"
"Just fine. You're lucky you caught me. I was just about to head out on patrol."
"In a hurry to get back to flirting with your fellow officers on the police radio?"
"Funny. Is this why you called me?"
"Believe it or not, no. I just wanted to call home and let you guys know I'm all right."
"This doesn't count as calling home, Pacey."
"Sure, it does. I called and spoke to a family member. Good enough."
"Well, I happen to have tidings from the small coastal town that you inhabit when you're not cruising the Atlantic. In case I spoke with you, Dad wanted me to remind you that you need to check in with your 20 every week, and he hasn't heard from you since you left. That's his way of saying he's worried, so drop a line, okay?"
He rolled his eyes. "Just tell him I'm in Wilmington, North Carolina, and everything's fine. So, how's everyone else doing?"
"Oh, well, everyone else at the house is in the usual chaotic disorder, and thus the reason I moved out the day I turned twenty. Little did I know that I'd eventually get stuck with stray younger siblings."
"You love having me live with you, Doug. Just admit it. Who else are you gonna get to decoupage and paper mâché with you?"
"Just check in with Dad, Pacey. Don't spend all of your money, what little you have, and try to bring Joey back in one piece. Speaking of whom, how is she doing?"
He felt warmth rise inside him and smiled into the receiver. "My girlfriend is good. Really good."
Doug cleared his throat. "You know, uh, Pacey…" His brother heaved a sigh. "Look, uh, Mom's not too happy that you brought Joey along on your summer vacation."
"Why the hell not?" He furrowed his brows, unable to comprehend any possible reason for this, and glanced over at Joey while she stood nearby watching the waves.
"Look, she just wants to remind you that next year is a big year for Dad—election year—and there's been a little murmuring around town that someone could actually run against him for once."
"Okay…" He lowered his voice and put his back to her. "What does that have to do with me and Joey?"
Doug sighed again. "Mom doesn't want you to do anything stupid and ruin Dad's chances for reelection in case someone does decide to run against him."
He clenched his jaw. "Like what?"
"This is not coming from me. This is a direct quote straight from our mother: 'if you knock up the Potter girl, whose father is a convicted felon serving time in prison, and shame the family name and your dad's position in this community with such an unwanted connection, you'll never be allowed to set foot back inside the house again.'"
Rage flooded his gut like molten lava. "You've got to be fuckin' kidding me, Doug."
"Look, little brother, don't shoot the messenger, okay? Those are not at all my feelings about the Potter family or your present situation at sea. Although… you will use protection, won't you, Pacey? I know you wouldn't be that stupid."
"Unbelievable. You know what? I'm glad Ma said that. I don't want to set foot back inside the house again, so I'm glad I've finally got my chance to make that happen. Let's just hope my boys can swim. Fingers crossed, Doug. Wish me luck." He slammed down the payphone receiver.
Shoving down his anger and irritation, he returned to Joey's side. "Hey."
She smiled brightly. "Hey. So, your family knows you're alive and safe after the storm?"
"Yeah, they know."
Joey frowned at the look on his face. "The conversation not go well?"
He gazed out over the sandy expanse in front of them, watching the beach start to fill up with vacationers, and considered telling her exactly what Doug had said. But if there was one thing he was determined to do it was to protect Joey from his family's dysfunction and negativity as much as possible. "It went just as well as any call home was to be expected. The good thing is I don't have to call again for another week, but maybe I'll push it to two just to spite them."
"What did they say?"
"It's not important." He tried to push thoughts of his parents from his mind, but the resentment was welling up inside. "Remember those kitschy T-shirts we saw in that gift shop in Virginia Beach? The ones that said 'Virginia Is For Lovers' on the front? I think we should stop there on the way back so I can get two of 'em and give them to my parents just to see the look on their faces."
She snorted, shaking her head. "They'll love that."
Tongue in his cheek, he nodded. "It's sad, but when you grow up fully aware of the fact that there is no way you're possibly going to please the folks that spawned you, you start coming up with ways to intentionally aggravate them. I'll have you know this is a documented phenomenon. I don't think it's unique to the Witter clan, but we are certainly a paradigmatic case study." Turning to Joey, he smiled and took her hand in his. "I think you're my cosmic reward for putting up with their crap for so many years."
She smiled sweetly and threaded their fingers. "If anyone deserves a cosmic reward, it's you."
"You know, there's this lame song Gretchen always used to play that had some line where the guy said something like he knew he was going to heaven cause he'd 'already done his time in hell.' This is it. You're like my heaven on earth, Jo."
She leaned into him and he drew her close, covering her mouth with his. Joey kissed him back, running her hands through his hair. Their bodies melted together. He eventually drew away, his breathing ragged. She smiled, caressing his chin and jaw with her soft fingertips. Then hand-in-hand they walked down to the beach, taking the long way back towards the marina.
As the strolled along the water's edge, they picked up seashells and a few sparse sand dollars. They enjoyed the gentle morning breeze coming off the ocean. He thought Joey was as lovely as anything. Her body was getting more tan every day. She was wearing denim shorts that showed off her long legs, a purple tank top that exposed her bare midriff, and pristine white tennis shoes. He had trouble keeping his eyes off her.
When they returned to the True Love, he went about removing the main sail from the boom while Joey stood in the cockpit watching him in appreciative silence. This couldn't be a very exciting way for her to spend such a beautiful day. He stepped down beside her and encircled her waist with his arms. "So, I think you should go hang out on the beach while I work on the boat repairs, and then I'll meet you there later. Tonight, we'll go out on the town and then we'll watch the sunset together. How does that sound?"
"And what am I gonna do on the beach all day by myself?" she asked, grinning up at him as her hands slid up his chest to his shoulders.
"Swim? Sunbathe? Read? Paint? Draw? Have some alone time?"
Joey hummed and then kissed his chin before caressing her lips down his jawline. "Okay."
He watched her disappear below deck, and after a few minutes, she emerged with a bathing suit underneath her clothes and beach bag over her shoulder. Walking over to him, she planted a kiss on his mouth. "I'll see you later."
"Okay. Be careful."
"I'll be fine, Pacey."
He watched her step out of the cockpit and onto the dock before she turned around. "And, uh, Pacey?"
"Yeah?"
"You need a shave."
Chuckling, he nodded his agreement as he rubbed his hand over his stubbled cheek. He'd have to add that to his list of things to get done that day. Once the torn sails were completely removed from the mast, he stepped off the boat and went back into town, heading for the Marine Warehouse Center to purchase new sails and other supplies needed to repair the damage to the hull. On his way there, he came upon a shop called Carolina Beads Inc. There was a sign in the window promoting jewelry making. His hand slipped inside his pocket, his fingers closing around the treasure there, and he smiled before stepping inside the shop.
In the early afternoon, just as he was tying the new main sail to the boom, Joey returned to the boat. He looked at her in surprise. "Back already?"
"I got bored."
"Bored? On the beach?"
She set her bag down and sat on the cushioned bench seat in the cockpit. "Well, I swam a little and I read a little and I drew a little and then…" She shrugged. "I'd rather be with you."
He smiled. For the rest of the afternoon, he worked on repairing the damage to the hull, thankful it was only slight and nothing major and well above the water line. While he worked, Joey remained in the cockpit and soon took out her sketch pad and began to draw. From time to time he'd stop and watch her for a moment, and the sight of her so content and at peace warmed his heart.
At the end of the afternoon, they dressed into some nicer clothes and walked into town for dinner. It wasn't long before they arrived at Elizabeth's Pizzeria, a hole-in-the-wall place recommended by some of the other boaters at the marina who'd told them it was run "by northerners who know how to make pizza." They were soon seated in a dark wood booth and ordered. The pizza was just as good as promised. After dinner, they returned to the beach, where they came upon some large tents that had been erected. A band was playing. People were dancing. There was clearly a wedding reception going on.
"Who gets married on a Monday?" Joey asked as they walked past the catering tent.
"You'd be surprised."
They turned around and saw one of the catering employees opening up several crates of champagne. "We actually do at least ten Monday weddings a year," he said before walking away with two bottles.
The band transitioned into the beginning chords of "Can't Take My Eyes Off You." He gazed over at Joey, clad in the tropical blue sundress she'd bought in Virginia, and smiled. She looked so beautiful. Then he held out his hand. "Dance with me."
Her eyes widened, and she suddenly felt embarrassed as she glanced around. "Out here?"
Peeking into the reception tent, he saw the dance floor was crowded. "Come on," he said, taking her by the hand, and sneaking into the tent.
"We're crashing the wedding, Pacey," she whispered fervently.
"Yeah, so? Maybe they won't notice."
On the dance floor, he swept her into his arms. She gazed up at him, her brown eyes warm and full of emotion. Their lips were a breath apart as they swayed together and twirled around the dance floor, Joey giggling as they spun. When the song ended, he took her by the hand and they mingled among the guests. He took up a fake southern accent and people seemed to buy it. She was amazed at his way with strangers, at how everyone responded to him: laughing, smiling, completely taken in by his charm and easy good looks.
They laughed as they walked hand-in-hand out of the reception and back onto the beach. As they passed the catering tent again, Joey saw the open crates of champagne, and with a spur-of-the-moment decision, she grabbed a bottle and started running, pulling him with her.
"Potter, you're a thief!"
"Did you see that spread? They won't miss it. They're rich!" She couldn't stop laughing as they ran down the sidewalk and toward the marina.
"Let's watch the sunset," he said when they reached the boat. Going down into the cabin, he quickly grabbed a blanket and then returned above deck. "On the beach."
"Sounds good to me," she said, slipping her hand inside his.
Minutes later, they laid the blanket on the sand and sat down, watching the sun lower in the sky. "I'm glad I thought of the blanket," he told her. "I don't want your dress to get dirty."
She scoffed. "I don't care about my dress."
"I can't believe you stole champagne."
"It's toast time o'clock," Joey said in response, lifting the bottle. "Don't be a buzzkill."
He laughed. "Me? A buzzkill? Never. Uncork that baby."
Arching her brow, Joey sat up on her knees and then popped the cork on the champagne, laughing as the foam ran over her hands and all over the blanket in front of her. Instead of taking a sip from the bottle, she guzzled it down to Pacey's astonishment. Then she handed him the bottle. He tilted it back and drank, tears of champagne running down the sides of his mouth. Placing the bottle down between his legs, he gasped for air, the bubbles of the champagne seemingly taking his breath away.
Joey slid closer, gazing at him intensely, and kissed away the champagne on his lips and chin. Then she grinned at him. "Thanks for shaving."
He chuckled. "You're welcome."
Reaching between his legs, her eyes locked on his, glinting suggestively. He swallowed. His heart started to pound. Her hand encircled the champagne bottle and she lifted it to her mouth to take another drink. They took turns with the bottle, Joey taking a lot more turns than him. The sun set and the sky darkened into twilight. Her head soon became pleasantly fizzy and she smiled at him, thoughts of the recent storm and her earlier email to Jen going round her head. "What would you do if you knew you only had a couple hours to live?" she asked.
"I'd sit right here with you."
"Same," she said, smiling. Her fingers drummed the bottle and then she took another drink. She felt a warm glow seeping through her, heating her blood. "Is that the only thing you'd want to do?"
He was suddenly getting nervous, his heart pounding and butterflies fluttering like mad in his gut. Time passed slowly as they sat in silence, the tension becoming palpable. "Uh, well… no."
The smoldering look in his eyes—or was it the champagne—made her heart skip. "What else?"
"I'd…" His face grew hot. "I'd make love to you, maybe."
"Maybe?" Her brow arched.
He shrugged, gazing at her. Just because he'd want to doesn't mean she would. "Well, it takes two to tango."
Her mouth curved into a smirk. She took another drink from the champagne before setting the now empty bottle down in the sand next to the blanket. Turning back, she began to move toward him, and he thought he saw desire in her eyes. He gulped. His pulse ricocheted. "You know what I've just figured out, Potter? Alcohol turns you into a flirt."
"It does not," she giggled.
"Oh, yes, it does. Sophomore year? That senior creep you were mackin' on the beach? And the Y2K party? You were gonna go get in the back seat of that jerk Delaney's car? Drinking clearly impairs your good judgment."
Joey pursed her lips, fighting a smirk, and moved closer. "But there aren't any jerks here now. I'm just sitting on the beach with my boyfriend."
His breathing quickened. The champagne was going to his head and his thoughts were muddled. Something was happening, and a small voice in the back of his mind told him that something probably wasn't a good idea. He leaned back and away from her as she came closer. He could have stopped her when he felt her hands on his waist. He could have pushed her back and stood up, suggested they walk off their champagne buzz and return to the boat. But he didn't.
Her heart beat like mad inside her chest. The pit of her stomach tightened. A strong sense of longing welled up inside her. "I'm in love with you, Pacey," she whispered.
Eyes wide, he nodded. His mouth had gone dry and he swallowed to find his voice. "I'm in love with you, too."
The champagne made her brave. She smiled and moved over him, sitting on his knees. He didn't lean forward and kiss her. The promise was there in his eyes, but he still didn't kiss her. He had such strong hands. She felt the pressure of each one of those long fingers as they slid slowly up the sides of her waist. It tickled and she squirmed, giggling.
He grinned broadly. It had been years since he'd tickled her, the memories coming forward in his mind of a time when the tickling and teasing had meant something else entirely. Or had it? "I'd almost forgotten," he said as if in awe. He started tickling her like crazy, which caused her to laugh even harder. "Pacey, stop," she begged, but her laughter was infectious and he was laughing, too.
The next thing Joey knew, she was in his arms and his lips were on hers. It started as a featherlight kiss and it made her heart pound and her brain fog as reason flew out the window. It began easy and slow—a brush of lips and hints of tongue. She slid her arms around his neck, her hands into his hair, and opened her mouth, inviting him in.
Pacey's hands were on her back, and his mouth was on her lips, and all her girl parts sang, Ooh yes, more please, as every sense was heightened by his touch. He deepened the kiss. Her whirling, champagne-hazy mind registered her pounding heart and the velvet feel of his lips on hers—skilled lips, capable hands… Losing herself in that kiss, in him, she loved how he made her feel… so alive and… wanton… craving his touch… his lips on her temple, her earlobe, her neck… The feel of him pressed against her teased her senses, making her feel hot and sexy and just a little bit reckless…
He pulled back, and they both gasped for air, more than a little bit disoriented. She'd moved forward off his knees and was now straddling his hips, her weight pressing into him. If they didn't stop right now, there would be no way to prevent his arousal from quickly becoming obvious to the both of them, and that was the last thing he needed.
"Why'd you stop?" she breathed. Her girl parts still sang. Actually, they weren't singing. They were begging.
"Joey…"
"Pacey," she breathed desperately.
He sighed, covering his eyes for a moment, and tried to think clearly. "Not like this, Jo. We shouldn't make out like this."
She gave him a teasing look and giggled. "Like what? What's wrong with this? It's you and me."
"Joey, you're drunk."
"I'm a little tipsy. We shared the bottle, Pacey. I didn't drink the whole thing myself."
"You drank most of it."
She huffed.
Smiling, he raised his hand to caress her face. "Well, you realize we're out on a public beach where anyone could walk over and see us, right? I really don't think you're into that."
A shred of rational thinking broke through the haze of champagne. "Okay, so maybe I am a little drunk."
Laughing, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her in his lap, and took a deep breath. "What was this about, huh?"
"What?"
"You asked that question about what I'd want to do if I knew I was going to die, and then you practically jumped me. What's that about?"
Joey frowned, not wanting to confess. It suddenly seemed so girly and stupid. "Well…" She couldn't look him in the eye. "We almost died in that storm."
"Ah." Now it made sense. "Is this about the whole not-dying-a-virgin thing?"
"Not just that. I mean, we could have died, Pacey. And the thought of us not…" The sentence trailed off.
He understood. "But we didn't die, Jo. We're likely not going to die for a very long time."
Emotion welled up inside her. "But we could die anytime and we have no idea. That's the point. A meteor could hit this beach. And then that'd be it for us."
"A meteor?" He blinked and fought hard to suppress a smirk.
"Yes, Pacey. A meteor." She didn't want to miss out on anything with him. She didn't want to live, or die, with regrets. But she knew he was right. If they'd gone further tonight than she was truly ready for, all because of fear and champagne, she probably would have regretted it. Well, maybe…
He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. He really didn't want a frightening near-death experience at sea to be the reason they did anything as momentous as their first time together. That wasn't the right reason. Nor was alcohol. "You and I are going to be just fine," he murmured in her ear. "What happened was a scary thing, but it's over. I promise to be more careful with checking the weather, and I will do everything in my power to avoid any and all storms from here on out. I swear it."
She nodded and hugged him to her. Holding her in his arms, he suddenly remembered what was in his pocket. He pulled out of the hug and smiled at her. "I have something for you."
"What?" Her brows knitted with a questioning look.
He pulled the ring from his pocket and held it up to her.
Joey's eyes widened. She recognized the small seashell they'd found on the beach earlier, its color ranging from violet at one end to a shiny blue at the other. It had been fitted onto a ring. "Is that from this morning? How did you—?"
"Yep. You had said this one was your favorite. When I was in town, I passed by this shop where you could make your own jewelry and I asked about making the shell into something. So, I made it into a ring."
"You made this? For me?" She gazed at him in amazement.
He shrugged it off. "It really wasn't that difficult, Jo. You can do wonders with a hot glue gun."
She slipped the ring on her left hand. She'd honestly never expected to be the kind of girl who wanted a man to give her jewelry, but she was unexpectedly touched by the sweet sentiment, the thoughtfulness behind it, and his way of saying, 'I love you,' without speaking the words. "It's so beautiful. I love it. Thank you, Pacey." Sliding her arms around his neck, she kissed him sweetly.
Eventually the last light of day disappeared. The air was still warm. They lay side by side on the blanket, staring up at the moon and stars, bright in the sky. She turned slightly and laid her head on his chest, her arm going around his waist. His fingers combed through her hair, sending shock waves tingling through her body. They were alone on the beach, under the starry sky, in each other's arms, and so in love. She wanted him, wanted to love him, wanted to show him just how much she loved him, and she knew it had nothing to do with the champagne, its bottle sitting forgotten on the far edge of their blanket.
The rational side of her brain was, however, throwing up several counterarguments. She knew they hadn't been together that long, that it was logically much too soon for such a serious step. She worried about the passion she felt for him, its intensity and how quickly it could become all-consuming if she let it, how easily it could make her reckless and foolish. She worried about making a mistake, making the wrong choice, and the potential consequences that could alter her future in a way she was not prepared to handle.
There were other fears, too. Fears that lay much deeper. Fears that she didn't want to think about. Fears that gave voice to her deepest insecurities and feelings of self-consciousness. The memory of when she stood in Dawson's bedroom last year, finally ready to take their relationship to the next level because it was obvious that's why he was interested in Eve and she wanted to be the one he wanted, but was instead faced with his sexual rejection still made her face burn.
The rational side to her mind knew Pacey was nothing like Dawson, that her relationship with Pacey was nothing like the one she'd had with Dawson, and that the circumstances were totally different. Yet the remembered humiliation still simmered beneath the surface. She'd never been able to think of herself as sexy or beautiful, as appealing in a physical way, as someone who could be anyone's object of desire. But Pacey made her feel desired, wanted, needed, loved. He made her feel beautiful. She knew he wanted her. It was written all over his face, in his eyes, in the way he kissed her.
Yet she was still Joey Potter: Virgin At Large. She remembered the stupid purity quiz they took during that all-night study session sophomore year, and her and Dawson tying for the purest ones there. Pacey's score was nowhere even close to hers. She knew very little about sex compared to him. How could she possibly live up to a thirty-five-year-old experienced woman? Andie had been a virgin before Pacey, but they were always so loved up and gaga over each other, she must've been doing something right.
Joey suddenly felt desperate to talk to Jen about all this, and hoped she had finally emailed her back. The first thing tomorrow morning, she was determined to head to the Internet café and see if there was a message waiting for her. She snuggled closer to Pacey and hugged him tighter around the waist. "I love you," she whispered.
He smiled, his hand still in her hair. "I love you too, Jo."
Later that night, staring up at Joey's hammock and listening to her slow and steady breathing, Pacey Witter was unable to sleep. He'd almost lost control tonight and more than likely would have if they had been alone on the boat or in a motel room, or possibly if he'd drank just as much as she had. Too much time had passed since the last time he'd… When she'd straddled his legs and kissed him on the beach, the sweet taste of her had made the wanting painful. It was going to be a very long three months, longer than he'd thought if she kept that up. As sleep finally began to pull him under, he made a silent vow to steer clear of alcohol for the rest of the summer.
Returning to downtown Wilmington and Connections Cyber Café first thing on Tuesday morning, Joey frowned as she stared at her email inbox. There was still no reply from Jen, and she felt like she was going to burst. She quickly clicked on the compose button to bring up a new message and began to type.
"Jen,
I had hoped you'd have emailed me back by now, but maybe you're still in Philadelphia. Please, please, PLEASE write back soon. One minute I feel like I'm ready to have sex with Pacey, the next minute I'm second-guessing myself. I want to wait, and I know the smart thing is to wait. I also really want to have sex with Pacey. I really, really do, but then I start thinking of everything that can go wrong. I don't want to get pregnant at a young age. My life would be over and the future I've worked so hard for would completely disappear. I refuse to let that happen. I refuse to end up like my mother. Yet the more pressing concern that is consuming me at the moment is the fact that Pacey has pretty much called me a prude ever since we hit puberty, and I have to admit with good reason. What if when we finally decide to act on our feelings, I freeze like an imbecile and don't know what to do? Or how to do anything? What if it just ends up being the worst experience he's ever had and he never wants to do it again? What if he realizes he'd have better luck in the sack with someone else? And yet even as I type this, I KNOW how absurd it sounds because this is Pacey and I know he loves me. I know he loves me more than anything.
But I'm going crazy here. Do you realize I'm going to be 18 in September? I'll be old enough to vote and join the army! I thought I'd have gotten past this whole virginity issue by now. My hormones are going berserk and there is so much tension and frustration coiled up inside me that I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. The same is probably true for Pacey, but I think he's much more at ease with himself and his sexuality than I obviously am. He never lets on that he's frustrated about what is or isn't happening between us, for which I'm thankful. He really is the perfect gentleman at all times, considerate and caring and understanding. And he's perfectly content to live in the moment and take each day at a time. I'm not built like that, not really. My body and my mind are at war with each other, and if something doesn't give soon there are going to be casualties.
Please help me!
Joey"
She quickly hit send and heaved a sigh. Leaning back in the leather office chair, she picked up her mug of hot coffee and took a sip. Her stomach growled. The pastries behind the glass display case up front were calling her name. A couple minutes later, she returned to the computer with a blueberry muffin. As she finished her last bite, to her surprise a reply from Jen suddenly appeared in her inbox. Nerves filled her stomach as she quickly opened the email.
"Joey, are you anywhere near a telephone where you can talk privately? I'm home alone for the next hour until Grams gets back from the store. Call me if you can."
She stared at the brief message. Just then one of the café's employees was starting to clear off a nearby table. "Excuse me?" Joey said, getting her attention. "Are there any payphones nearby?"
The woman smiled. "Sure is, sweetheart. Right around the corner on the other side of the building," she replied in her southern drawl.
"Thank you." Joey logged off the computer and went in search of the payphone. Moments later, she was dialing Jen's number.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Jen."
"Hey, Joey." She thought she heard a touch of humor in her voice. "Sorry I haven't been able to write back. We didn't get back home from Philly until late last night and then I just crashed. That's a long ass bus ride."
"Hey. Sorry. Yeah, I figured you were still away or something."
"So… I see you're having quite the dilemma."
She pursed her lips. "That's kind of an understatement, Jen."
Her friend chuckled into the phone. "Look, I'm no expert, but I think you'll know it's the right time when you no longer have this dilemma going on inside you. There won't be a war between your mind and body—both will be in total agreement. Then you'll know you're ready and the time is right."
She sighed. "That answer—while I appreciate the definite ring of truth to it—doesn't exactly help me. Whenever we're together, I feel like I'm going to explode and we haven't even spent a full two weeks on the boat. I don't want to feel like this the whole summer."
"You know, Joey… you don't need to jump into the deep end right away."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's like this… When you first learned how to swim, did you start by jumping off a diving board into the deep end of the pool?"
She scoffed. "No, of course not. And we didn't have a pool, Jen. We had the creek."
"Okay, fine. The creek. So, you probably stayed in shallow water for a while. When you became comfortable with more depth, you gradually went deeper. Eventually you were able to jump into the deepest parts of the creek and swim without being afraid, right?"
Her brows knitted at the analogy. She had a feeling she knew what Jen was getting at. "…Yeah."
"Well, Joey, think of sex like learning how to swim. You don't have to go straight from naïve virgin to going all the way. You know, there are ways to relieve some of that frustration and tension between you and Pacey without doing anything you're not ready for."
She swallowed, her mouth going dry. "Um…"
"Ways that wouldn't even require either of you to take off any clothes. Do you get what I'm saying, Joey?"
Her cheeks flushed, and her stomach fluttered. "I think so, yeah. Do you think Pacey would actually like that? I mean, he's used to more…"
Jen tutted. "Joey, I'm willing to bet that he would be happy and content with any kind of affection you choose to give. If I've ever doubted anything about Pacey, I've never doubted his love for you."
She smiled into the phone, warmth rising inside her. "Thanks, Jen."
"I'm sorry I was M.I.A. but I hope you know you can talk to me anytime about this stuff, and I'll do my best to respond in more of a timely fashion."
"So, what were you guys doing in Philadelphia?"
"Oh, well… we were kind of just sitting around Dawson's backyard roasting marshmallows over the fire pit and we got to talking. Somehow the idea came up that we should take a weekend trip somewhere, and Dawson mentioned a few of his favorite spots in Philly from when he spent last summer there. Me and Jack and Andie had never been. One thing led to another and soon we were buying four bus tickets. When we got there, Andie insisted on visiting some universities in the city and we ended up getting brochures for Temple and Drexel. She made it seem like she was interested in backup places in case there's a slim chance she doesn't get into Harvard, but Jack had the sneaking suspicion she was doing it for him. We had fun, though. Dawson took lots of pictures."
"I'm glad you all had a good time." She wondered whether she should ask the question, but wouldn't not asking the question come across as cold and heartless? "Um, Jen… How is Dawson? Really?"
She paused. "He's doing okay, Joey. He's found some things to keep himself occupied. He'll be all right. I'll tell you he and Andie were very relieved to know that you'd emailed me to let us all know you and Pacey survived the storm."
"That's good. Well, I should get going. Pacey wants to raise the anchors this morning. Goodbye, North Carolina. Florida, here we come."
"Okay. Be safe and have fun. And that goes for everything you guys do," Jen said suggestively.
She laughed. "Thanks. We will."
"I'm glad you called, Joey. It was nice talking to you."
"It was nice talking to you, too. It's honestly making me a little homesick."
"I'll be right here in Capeside, Mass when you return, and we'll catch up for real."
"Sounds good. Bye, Jen."
"Bye, Joey. Take care of yourself."
Not long after she had hung up the phone, Joey was walking down the marina dock towards the moored True Love. Pacey was on deck busying himself with getting her ready for departure. "Hey, there, First Mate," he called out to her as she approached. "We'll be all set to leave in about ten minutes."
"Aye, aye, Captain."
"We should get fairly close to Charleston by the time it gets dark. We can anchor there for the night and then continue on to Florida. Unless you're hankerin' to stop in South Carolina for a while?" His accent slipped easily into a southern drawl on the last sentence.
She grinned as she boarded the boat. "Let's just get to Key West, Pace."
"You got it, Jo. I calculate three or four days until we get there."
Moving towards him in the cockpit, her arms went around his waist and she held him close. Joey gazed up at him, her heart full of love and affection and desire. His blue eyes sparkled happily, and his face had a glow that didn't come from the sunshine or the ocean breeze.
"So…" he said with a smile, holding her in his arms and entwining his hands behind her lower back. "What are you most wanting to do when we're in Key West? You know, we'll be down there for like four or five weeks."
Thoughts of last night on the beach and her conversation with Jen swirled inside Joey's mind as she stared at Pacey's chest. Then her mouth curved into a smirk as she again raised her eyes to his. "Oh, lots of things."