September 4. As promised to Mrs. Thompson, after their afternoon spent sailing, Pacey had Buzz home safe and sound by five o'clock. He and Joey then walked to Doug's downtown apartment to meet up with Gretchen. When he climbed into the front passenger seat of the Witter wagon, his sister turned to him and grinned as she buckled her seatbelt.
"Taking my little brother back-to-school shopping," she said gleefully, and started the car. "Just like old times."
"Just you, me, and the Cape Cod Mall," he replied. "Oh, but now we've got Joey, of course." He glanced over his shoulder at his girlfriend in the backseat and smiled.
She returned his smile. "Yeah, thanks for taking me along, Gretchen. Bessie and Bodie are too busy with B&B guests to take me and I'd rather run backwards through a cornfield than drive our truck out to the mall."
Pacey laughed. "A manual transmission is the bane of Jo's existence."
Gretchen reached inside her purse and pulled out an envelope, handing it over as she pulled out onto the street. "Rescued from the junk drawer at Mom and Dad's."
The envelope was official Capeside High stationary and it was addressed to him. Of course, his mother would've just tossed it in the junk drawer. He shook his head and rolled his eyes as he opened it. "Must be my class schedule and school supply list. I wish they would just send this stuff to Doug's place. The guidance office knows I don't live at home anymore."
"Does the term legal guardian mean anything to you? The school still has to send any official communication to Mom and Dad, Pace."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he muttered, pulling the contents out of the envelope. It was indeed his class schedule and list of needed supplies. He handed the schedule over his shoulder to his girlfriend. "Do we have any classes together this year?"
Joey pulled out her schedule from her jeans pocket to compare them. "Um… Spanish."
He groaned. "That's it?"
"I'm taking all AP classes this year, Pacey. I don't even have a Study Hall. My schedule is crammed."
"Nerd," he teased. "If you look closely, you'll see that I get out of school at 12:05. I guess that's probably the best thing about being a senior—getting outta there hours before everybody else. Hopefully that'll help me on the job front. I still can't believe the video store replaced me. I was with them for three years, and they said they could hold my position for me. Well, apparently not. So much for loyalty."
"You can do a lot better than the video store." Joey smirked as she looked more closely at his schedule. She smiled in surprise. "You're doing Drama as one of your electives? And you picked Creative Writing for your English class?"
He nodded. "Yep, both at Mr. Broderick's suggestion, actually. I wonder if he's doing the school play again."
"Um… Pacey, how are you not taking any math or science classes? No Pre-Calc? No Physics?"
"You're only required to take three years of math and science in order to graduate, Jo. So, I'm done with them. I wanted a stress-free senior year. I only have to take four classes this semester: Spanish, English, Drama, and U.S. Government. Oh, well, and Gym, I guess. Does that count as a real class, though? Next semester I'll swap out Drama for Personal Finance."
Joey handed his schedule back to him. "But Pacey, you'll improve your GPA and your chances of getting into college by taking four years of math and science."
"Yeah, but I'm improving my chances of actually graduating by doing the bare minimum," he snarked. "Everyone sitting in this car knows I'm not getting into college."
Both his girlfriend and his sister immediately protested.
Thirty minutes after leaving Capeside, they arrived at the Cape Cod Mall in Hyannis. The mall was moderately full. Not jammed like on weekends. They spent well over an hour perusing , Journeys, American Eagle, Aeropostale, and Staples for new clothes and supplies. Hand in hand with Joey, Pacey carried their shopping bags as they made for the food court. They found themselves walking past the Victoria's Secret.
"Need anything in there, Jo?" he grinned.
Unamused, she threw him a look. "In your dreams."
"Literally."
She blushed and started laughing.
After getting some food and sitting down at one of the many metal-legged plastic-topped tables, they ate and conversed happily. The food court was busy, mostly filled with families and groups of chattering teenagers making the most of their last day of summer vacation before the start of the new school year. Above the loud noise of conversations and a very disgruntled baby at a nearby table came the sound of canned music.
"I think it's so exciting that you two are getting your own place together," Joey said before dipping one of her French fries into some ketchup.
"I especially liked that killer two-bedroom condo I saw advertised in the paper this morning," Pacey replied.
Gretchen dabbed the grease off her slice of pizza with a napkin. "If you want to pay twelve-hundred dollars a month, by all means, but I'm thinking we need to set our sights a little lower."
He shrugged and took a sip from his soda. The idea of getting his own apartment with Gretchen was sounding more appealing the more he thought about it. While he was depositing their trash and trays at a receptacle, he was suddenly accosted by Jen, Jack, and Andie. "Pacey, hey!"
Surprised, he turned and stared. "Hey."
"What are you doing here?" Jen asked.
"Getting our last-minute school shopping done," he tilted his back head towards where Joey and Gretchen were sitting at a table somewhere behind him. "What about you guys?"
"We just got out of the movie theater," Jack replied.
He nodded, still feeling somewhat awkward after how things went at the Dive-In. "So, uh, what movie did you see?"
Andie smiled. "Bring It On. We were gonna go see it at the Rialto last weekend, but Grams ended up roping us into a picnic-slash-bonfire thing for the Capeside Rotary Club. Anyway, the cinema here has bigger screens and newer seats."
He glanced around for a moment. "Is, uh… is Dawson here with you?"
"No, Pacey," Jen replied. "He's not."
"Oh, so that's why you're talking to me," he said caustically. His eyes locked with Jen's and held, unspoken words hanging in the air between them. He was sure she'd spent all summer listening to Dawson's opinions of him, once again remembering his threats that when this thing was all over, he wouldn't have a friend in the world.
Jen sighed, frowning. She exchanged a look with Jack, who nodded. "Let's go over and say hi to Joey, Andie," he told his sister. He then patted Pacey on the arm as they started heading that way. "Good to have you back home, man."
"Sure thing, Jackers," he said, wondering if Jack actually had any opinions about the group's current predicament, before crossing his arms and staring at Jen.
Her face fell and she gave him a defeated shrug. "I'm sorry, Pacey." She slid her hand inside the crook of his elbow and started turning him in the direction their friends had walked off. "You know we love you, but this situation is incredibly awkward for the rest of us. Dawson is our friend, too, and we just spent the entire summer watching said friend try and fail to hide just how heartbroken he was."
He sighed and his stomach turned with guilt as he started walking back towards Joey with Jen clutching his arm.
"And at the Dive-In… well, it immediately became obvious that you and Dawson don't even want to breathe the same air," she continued. "Trying to be normal and act cool around two friends who hate each other is incredibly difficult. Especially for me. I mean, the way things went down back in the spring… I'm the one who made the situation so much worse. I still feel awful about that whole thing, and I feel like it's my fault things got as bad as they did between the three of you by getting involved and opening my big mouth. So, what do you want me to do? If you and Dawson just kissed and made up, it would make it a lot easier on us…"
"I really don't see that happening, Jen."
She shook her head. "Well, then I guess you're forcing the rest of us into two different social circles where in one we hang out with you and the other we hang out with Dawson and never the twain shall meet. Is that what you want?"
He frowned. "Did you give this same speech to Dawson, by any chance?"
"Yes, actually, I did. Last night at the Dive-In."
"And I'm sure you take his side in all this," he grumbled.
Jen stopped walking. "Pacey, I'm not on anyone's side. I love you and Dawson and Joey. I want you all to be happy. I feel for Dawson and what he's going through, but I'm also really happy for you and Joey. Both can be true at the same time."
He gave her a sad smile, the guilty feeling still churning in the pit of his stomach. "So, then… you think Joey made the right choice? You don't think she made a terrible mistake?"
"Joey chose her own happiness, and that will probably always be the right choice," she replied shrewdly. "But I'll tell you this, Pacey. I obviously haven't known Joey as nearly as long as you and Dawson, but from what I can tell, it was only when you started loving her that I saw her becoming less insecure, less angry, and more confident, more outgoing, and happier than I'd ever seen her before. You're good for her, Pacey. And she's good for you. I really believe that."
"Even after being Dawson's shoulder to cry on all summer? You don't think I'm a crappy friend?"
Jen sighed, crossing her arms. "I think you and Dawson both could've handled the situation a lot better. But in the end, you chose not to sacrifice your happiness for Dawson's sake. I don't think that makes you a terrible friend. Happiness is so rare in this world that once you find it, you've got to hold on to it. Unfortunately, sometimes people get hurt in the process, but that's just part of life. Maybe you don't believe it right now, Pacey, but you deserve to be happy."
The guilt started to subside, at least a little, and he gave her a weak smile. "Yeah," he breathed.
She smiled and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "I missed you this summer, Pacey. I'm really glad you're back."
"Thanks, Jen," he said as he returned her hug.
When they rejoined the others, he found Andie happily quizzing Joey about her summer spent sailing. Pleased that there didn't seem to be any awkward feelings between the two girls, his heart warmed. After a few more minutes' conversation, the two groups parted ways. It wasn't long before they were back in the Witter wagon and heading home to Capeside. They arrived at the Potter's house first, and Pacey walked Joey up to her porch.
He set her shopping bags down in front of the door and pulled his girlfriend towards him, circling his arms around her. "As you well know, there is no hot running water on the boat."
"I'm fully aware," she smiled.
"And… so, I was thinking that maybe I could come over here in the morning to get ready for school?"
Joey chuckled, nodding. "Of course."
He ran his fingers through her hair. "Bessie won't mind?"
"I don't care even if she does."
"Well… I want to get back in her good opinion, Jo. How about in exchange for letting me use the shower, I'll cook breakfast? Do you think she'd like that?"
She hugged him closer. "I'm sure she would." Then she paused, thinking. "Oh, but there's B&B guests here. They're checking out in the morning, but we'll have to feed them before they go."
His eyes went wide as he shook his head. "Well, I won't poison them, Jo."
"Well, I guess that's one less thing for Bessie to do…" she smirked.
The car horn blasted.
They turned to look at Gretchen, staring at them with an impatient expression on her face. "Older sisters are annoying," he said.
"Tell me about it."
Pacey grinned and bent his head, capturing her mouth in a series of sensual kisses that left her breathless. "Goodnight," he whispered, his brow resting against hers. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Goodnight," Joey murmured, inhaling his scent and sighing in contentment. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Still embracing, they stood for a moment, gazing into each other's eyes, before he leaned in for one last quick kiss. Then he walked off the porch and started heading back towards the car. Much to his surprise, on the drive back to the boatyard, he found he was starting to actually look forward to school. Thoughts of being with Joey every day, holding hands in the hallway, eating lunch together, sitting next to each other in class, buoyed him and lifted his mood. Later that night, he fell asleep in his hammock with a smile on his face.
September 5. On Tuesday morning, with his backpack over his shoulder, Pacey stepped off the boat and onto the dock only to be met with the sudden and unexpected appearance of an older Witter sibling.
"Well, good morning, wandering brother."
"And what brings you down to the harbor at so early an hour, Doug?"
His brother turned to walk beside him as he strode up the dock. "I happen to bring tidings from the home front. Mom came across another letter from the school and called me to pass on the information. You're supposed to meet with your guidance counselor today after your last class."
And it starts. Pacey scoffed, shaking his head. "Of course, I am. You know, I have to hand it to Mr. Milo. The man doesn't give up easily."
"You'd think he'd know a lost cause when he sees one," Doug snarked.
"Is that supposed to be a joke?" He frowned.
"Lighten up, little brother."
"Look, Dougie, I know you're probably in a hurry to get back to flirting with your boyfriends on the police radio, but can you give me a ride to Joey's house?"
As his brother's jaw clenched and his face hardened into a scowl, Pacey gave him a shit-eating grin.
Once he'd showered and dressed, he busied himself in the Potter's kitchen, whipping up a large batch of pancakes and scrambled eggs while Joey got ready in the bathroom. Her older sister walked in holding Alexander, a surprised expression on her face. "What is Pacey Witter doing in my kitchen before seven A.M.?"
"Good morning, Bessie," he greeted with a smile. "I needed to use your facilities before school, and as payment, you and your guests will have a hot breakfast." He tilted his head. "There's a fresh pot of coffee over there on the counter."
"Thanks," she replied hesitantly. "I appreciate that." After she set Alexander down in his chair and she poured herself a cup of coffee, she stood against the counter, watching him.
He worked over the stove quietly for some moments until finally he couldn't stand her staring at him. "Is there anything you want to say to me, Bessie, now that we're alone? You've obviously got something on your mind."
Sighing, she drummed her fingertips on the coffee mug. "You know, Pacey… Joey is the first Potter who has a real chance to get out of this town and make something of herself. And I just… I just don't want anyone or anything to jeopardize that. She actually has the talent and the ambition and ability to achieve her future goals, and nothing should get in the way of that."
"I don't want anything to get in the way of that either," he said, his stomach tightening into a knot.
"I know you don't," Bessie said kindly. "But love tends to make people… foolish… and reckless, especially young love. Running away for the summer without a word to anyone was a very impulsive, irresponsible thing for Joey to do, and not like her at all, and I just hope that kind of behavior doesn't become a habit. Actions have consequences."
He swallowed, unsure what to say. Before he could reply, Joey herself appeared in the kitchen, all dressed for school. His mouth curved into a smile as she noticed she had decided to wear a skirt and a pinkish-colored shirt, and realized he'd wrongfully assumed she'd revert back to her tomboy style once they were no longer on a tropical island. "Good morning."
"Morning," Joey said and went to pour herself a cup of coffee.
Bessie glanced between them and left the kitchen. When she was gone, he leaned closer to his girlfriend and lowered his voice. "Will you please just tell your sister that we didn't have sex on the boat?"
Taken aback, her brows knitted as she stared at him. "What? No, I'm not going to do that because it's none of her business."
"Fine, then I'll just have to tell her. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm going to ruin your life."
"Well, you probably will, to be fair." She gave him a teasing smirk, watching him roll his eyes, and then took a sip from her coffee. "Telling Bessie would just set an unhealthy precedent that would only lead to her butting into our relationship whenever she feels entitled. Whatever does or doesn't happen between us is not her concern, Pacey."
"Well, she is concerned, I'll tell you that." He stirred the scrambled eggs. "Do you think she would've ever given Dawson a speech about being impulsive and irresponsible? Do you think she'd say a relationship with Dawson would make you foolish and reckless? Do you think being with Dawson would make her worry about your future? I think not. Let's face it, Jo. I'm just one big screw-up and everyone knows it. The opposite of the Midas Touch? That's me. So, you're right. I probably will ruin your life."
"I'm going to ignore all that, just like you should ignore Bessie and her meddling. Did you roll out of the wrong side of the hammock this morning?" Her hand caressed his head, brushing over his buzzcut, and she kissed his cheek. "Thanks for making breakfast, honey."
He pinched his face amusingly. "Thanks for letting me use your shower, darling."
Chuckling, she lifted her coffee cup to her mouth and drank. "Not sure if the whole terms-of-endearment thing really works for us, but we'll keep trying."
They were soon heading out the door. Pacey drove the Potter's truck to the high school and parked in the senior lot. Kids were once again swarming the school grounds. As he and Joey walked hand in hand towards the main entrance, he remembered Doug's message and sighed. "You know they wanna see me in the guidance office after school?"
"So?"
"So, do they wanna see you in the guidance office after school?"
She smiled. "…No."
Uh-huh. "No. See, that right there is a bad sign. It means they're singling me out already."
"Aww, don't worry, sweetie," she assured him, and he smiled knowingly. "They probably just wanna extend a helping hand and let you know that they're there to help you fulfill your destiny as the world's greatest gas station attendant."
"Oh," he scoffed. "That's cute."
"What? Suddenly teasing's out of the question?"
He grinned and squeezed her hand. "Oh, no, tease away, you little hussy," he replied, and she scoffed. "But you do raise an interesting point, and I think that we should talk about it now that we're back in school."
Joey had no idea what he was getting at. "Talk about what exactly?"
"Well, our mutual wants and needs."
"Did you actually just say that out loud?" She gaped, surprised, glancing at the other students around them.
"Well, like you said, we're a couple now, Potter. And as a couple, I think there are a couple things we need to discuss."
She gazed at him curiously, wondering where this was going. "Such as?"
Pacey thought for a moment. "Well, now that we're surrounded once again by our classmates, no doubt they will all have comments and questions and opinions."
"And it's none of their business," she replied firmly.
"That's my girl." He smiled. "But if they want to know just how amazing a girlfriend you are, do you want me to talk you up? Gush about you until we sicken everyone with the power of our love?"
She stared at him. "That's our goal? To make our classmates sick?"
He grinned. "To make them sick with jealousy, yes. Now, would you like me to walk you to all your classes and carry your books?"
Joey shoved her tongue in her cheek, fighting a grin. "I know chivalry is far from dead when it comes to you, Pacey, but I don't think that's necessary."
He shrugged. "Thought I'd ask." Then he hesitated, feeling a little silly. "You know, uh, we're not going to see each other this year as much as last year, what with our different class schedules and all."
"Yeah…" They started to climb the concrete steps toward the main doors, students of all ages filing in around them.
"And, well… remember that week after Spring Break?" he asked tentatively. "When we would leave those notes in each other's lockers?"
Grinning, she chewed her bottom lip and leaned close to him as they walked through the doors. "Do you want me to write you love notes, Pacey Witter?"
His face burned. "There might be days where we don't see each other for hours. And if you happened to drop a little note in my locker, at some point during the day, just to tell me you miss me or to say hi or even just to tell me if one of the other AP nerds puked their guts out in class, you know, if you so felt inclined… then that would be fine with me."
"Just admit it, Pacey. You want me to write you love notes."
"Fine," he muttered, glancing over his shoulder. "I want you to write me love notes. Happy now, Potter?"
She gave him a thousand-watt smile. "Well, I expect these notes to be reciprocated."
"Naturally." He grinned. "While we're at it, can they be dirty?"
"Pacey!" Embarrassed, she averted her eyes and looked away from him. Joey let go of his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear and started walking faster.
He shrugged helplessly. "Hey, I'm just asking. It'll put my creative writing class to good use. But I can keep them PG, if that's what you'd prefer?"
She thought about it for a moment. It wasn't as though she were wholly opposed, but there was a time and a place for everything, and school wasn't necessarily it. Not to mention the mortification that would result if an explicit note was misplaced and someone else got their hands on it. "Jury's out on that. I'll let you know. Anything else you want to discuss?"
They turned onto the east hallway. "Kissing in public."
With people looking at them? "Maybe."
"Maybe?" Would he actually be expected to go all day without kissing her? Not gonna happen.
"Well, if it's of the spontaneous variety," she said. Not like those obnoxious couples who would make out in front of their lockers for the sole purpose of having everyone watch them make out.
"Good lord, woman. You really are a fickle mistress, you know that? I mean, without kissing, what do we really have left?"
She nodded soberly. "Precious little. We should probably break up."
The butterflies started fluttering in the pit of his stomach as they reached his classroom door. There was no way she could go all day without kissing him either. "Yeah, well, we had a good run, huh?" Then he smiled, knowing just how much in love and committed to each other they were.
"Mm-hmm." Joey turned to face him. He was beaming at her, his gaze filled with a luminous joy. She closed the distance between them, her arms going around his shoulders, and kissed him enthusiastically, as if she was dying of thirst and he was the water she'd been deprived of. His hand was in her hair and he kissed her back just as ardently.
"Excuse me," she heard someone mutter behind her, and they made room in the doorway as they saw it was Dawson who had come upon them.
They sighed and moved away from the classroom to the other side of the hall, guilt rearing its ugly head. "That's not how I, uh, envisioned kicking off the school year," she said.
"No," he agreed, and then glanced at the doorway where Dawson had just walked through. "How much does that guy hate me right now?"
She frowned. "Pacey, that guy is your erstwhile best friend. Eventually you two are gonna have to work this stuff out."
He took hold of her hand. "I know, I know. I've got a sit-down penciled in for late October… of 2002." He brought the back of her hand to his lips, kissing it.
"Nice."
He held both her hands, threading their fingers. "You know what this is?"
"An awkward segue?" she frowned.
"No," he said, leaning closer. "This is our first ever, as a couple, outside-a-classroom goodbye."
"Is this supposed to make me all weak in the knees, or something?"
He moved closer, his lips less than an inch from her. "Well, one can but hope." Pacey made to dramatically pull away from her, but then quickly turned back and captured her lips with his, giving her a passionate kiss as he pulled her close.
She was so in love with him, her head spun.
"How's that for spontaneity?" he asked when he released her.
Joey quickly recovered, acting nonchalant. "I saw it coming a mile away," she teased, smiling as she started walking. They held hands until the last second, her fingertips slipping from his. "Have a good day," she said before finally turning her back to him and disappearing around the corner.
Feeling elated, his heart full, Pacey rubbed his hands together and walked into Homeroom smiling ear to ear. He walked by Mr. Mathieson, who was busy writing "Welcome Back" in chalk on the blackboard. He took the last empty desk, situated in the middle of the classroom. Glancing to his right, he locked eyes with Dawson sitting at the desk next to his. Great. He stared at the clock, willing it to move faster.
Once fifth period Spanish let out, he and Joey walked hand in hand from class to their lockers, depositing their backpacks, and then went to lunch. They filled their trays in line and then walked into the cafeteria. Their eyes quickly fell on Dawson sitting with Jack and Andie, but Jen was nowhere to be seen. They found an empty table together on the other side of the dining hall. After they started eating, Pacey turned to his girlfriend and smirked. "So… how many people have asked you so far?"
"About you and me on the boat?"
"Yeah."
She rolled her eyes. "At least five… in every class." Her face formed a scowl. Then she lowered her voice. "In AP Calculus, Lisa Rooker actually tapped me on the shoulder and asked what you were like in bed," she said with a disgusted tone.
"Those math geeks sure are a horny bunch," he snarked, shaking his head. His mouth curved into a smirk. "So, did you tell her I was amazing?"
"Are you amazing?" she questioned, tilting her head and pursing her lips doubtfully.
He stared. "Getting sassy now, are we?"
Joey fought a grin. "Well, did anyone ask you?"
"Uh-huh. A bunch. I told them that I was a gentleman and I wasn't going to talk about stuff that only me and my girlfriend should know about. I'm sure you can imagine the varying responses, all incredibly unfair jabs at my character. I mean, geez! You sleep with one teacher, and suddenly you're a dog for life. I don't get why people around here act like I'm some kind of Lothario. I seriously blame Abby Morgan and all that noxious crap she spread around school sophomore year."
"Ah, well, they don't know you like I do," she replied, smiling. "You are, in fact, the perfect gentleman, Pace. Well, most of the time."
"I have my moments," he shrugged, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. Then he suddenly remembered something. "Oh!" He pulled the truck keys from his jean shorts pocket and placed them on the table. "Don't forget you're driving yourself home after school. I'm meeting up with Gretchen when I get out to go look at apartments."
Joey took the keys and then forked her salad. "So, do you have anybody in your classes?"
He nodded, glancing over at Dawson's table on the other side of the cafeteria. "Uh… Both Jen and Jack are in my Government class, and… uh… I have Homeroom with Dawson, as you well know, but that's it. Nothing with Andie, but I'm assuming she's in AP world with you." He gazed at his girlfriend for a moment. "Is Dawson in any of your classes?"
"Just AP English so far. And yes, I do have Andie in my AP Calc, Physics, and U.S. Government classes, so that's nice. We'll see what the afternoon holds." She took a swig from her can of Diet Coke. "Are we gonna see each other later?"
"After school?"
"Yeah."
He nodding, thinking a moment. "Other than looking at some places with Gretchen, my calendar is free tonight, Miss Potter. Should I call the True Love and make dinner reservations? Say, seven o'clock?"
Her eyes twinkled. "It's a date."
"Hopefully this meeting with Mr. Milo is just a quick catch-up thing, and then I'm home free. But know that I'll be thinking of you while you're stuck in…" He paused. "What are you taking this afternoon?"
"After lunch, I have AP Economics, and then my last class is AP Studio Art."
He stared at her, dumbfounded. "There's even advanced placement with art?"
Joey shrugged. "Yeah. This semester is drawing and then next semester will be painting. I need to make sure my student portfolio is uniquely diversified and my college applications look top notch."
Sooner than they would like, the bell rang, bringing an end to lunch. In the hallway outside the cafeteria, Pacey and Joey stood together, their hands entwined. "Thanks for staying and eating lunch with me, even though you could've just gotten your guidance office thing over with and gone home," she said.
"Happy to," he replied, smiling. "I'll take all the time with you I can get." Leaning closer, he bent his head and gave her a quick kiss.
When the bell rang again, they said goodbye, and Joey headed for sixth period while Pacey made his way to the guidance office.
Pacey opened the front door and walked inside the house. He could hear the TV playing in the living room. Poking his head in, he saw the twins sitting on the floor watching cartoons. His sister Carrie was asleep on the couch. He quietly made his way to the kitchen, feeling thankful his parents didn't seem to be at home. His eyes locked on the junk drawer.
He quickly crossed the kitchen floor and opened it. The drawer was a haphazard collection of papers, coupons, batteries, scissors, rubber bands, lip balm, bread bag twist-ties, and an assortment of other random items. He hurriedly began pulling things out of the drawer. Then he found it. A Capeside High School envelope addressed to him, unopened and postmarked back in June, a week after he and Joey had left. Pacey ripped it open.
His stomach twisted. The paper in his hands was proof that everything Mitch Leery had told him in the guidance office was true. He'd bombed his chemistry, trig, and U.S. history final exams, sending his final grades into the toilet. He'd failed all three classes. Feelings of hopelessness rose up, like bile from his gut. His hand fisted, the report card crumpling in his grasp.
The front door opened and he quickly shoved the report card in the garbage can. His mom appeared in the kitchen, carrying a couple bags of groceries. "Well, hi, honey. I didn't expect to see you today."
"Uh, hi Mom, I was just… uh…" He sighed. "I'm meeting Gretchen in a little bit, and I had some time to kill."
"Are you all set for your first day back to school tomorrow?" she asked while setting the grocery bags on the counter.
He blinked, staring, thoughts of the junk drawer swirling inside his mind, aggravation welling up inside him at her ignorance and utter disregard. "My first day was today."
His mother opened the fridge and placed a carton of eggs inside. "Oh, how was it?"
"Fantastic." He needed to get the hell out of this house. "I'm leaving. Bye, Ma."
"Don't you want to stay for dinner, honey?" she asked as he walked out of the kitchen. "I'm making your favorite," she called out after him. "Creamed chipped beef on toast!"
Shaking his head in disgust, he opened the front door, yelled, "that's Doug's favorite," and slammed the door shut behind him.
A few hours later, hands shoved in his pocket and feeling miserable, Pacey walked around the dilapidated beach house, his sister enthusiastically trying to sell the prospect of living there. He looked around at the state of disrepair and obvious neglect the previous tenants had left the place in. This wasn't what he had in mind when he thought of "move-in ready." The place was a mess.
"Just think about it, Pacey," Gretchen said. "There's actually two bedrooms, a large bathroom, a nice outdoor patio here off the living room. The kitchen is a decent size for the two of us. We're close to Main Street, close to the high school. We'd be right next to the water. Mill Pond is in the backyard, Pace. You could keep your boat anchored out there and when you want to go sailing, you can reach the ocean in a just a few minutes. It's perfect."
"It's crap."
She shrugged. "The rent for this place is way cheaper than the one-bedroom apartments downtown. Unlike that killer condo you had your eyes on, it falls right within our budgetary limitations. So, do you know what that means?"
"Well, I'm guessing it means we get to split the utilities with the cockroaches."
"No. It means we can do this, Pace. You know, Bessie Potter told me a couple weeks ago that you did a wonderful job with helping to fix up their place and turn it into a bed and breakfast. And I'm sure that was much more labor-intensive than what we'd have to do here. It just needs a good cleaning up and a fresh coat of paint. So, come on. We're going to turn this place into a home, Pacey. I promise."
He walked over to stand in the open sliding-glass doorway that led out to the patio, and gazed at the waterfront beyond the backyard overgrown with weeds. "Yeah, and until then we'll just have to get used to brushing our teeth with brown water."
Gretchen crossed her arms. "Okay, what's up? You seem to have a particularly nasty case of First Day of School. Does senior status not bring you any joy?"
"Funny you should mention that," he said, turning around. "'Cause it turns out, I'm not exactly a senior."
"Oh, yeah? Then what exactly are you?"
He unceremoniously dropped onto the couch. "Well, I'm screwed. I'm totally screwed."
"Okay, elaborate," Gretchen replied, setting her purse down.
Heaving a sigh, he then unloaded. "It seems as though I managed to fail three classes last year." His sister closed her eyes, shaking her head. "Yeah. Three. You know, so now I gotta retake those three classes, somehow pass them all this time around, and pass all this year's classes if I wanna have any hope of graduating." He'd always known there was a slim chance he might not, but now that slim chance looked like a foregone conclusion.
His sister sat down on the arm of the couch. "Well, okay… you do it. You know, you work really hard this year, and you do it. Plenty of kids in my class had to do make-up credits their senior year. So, it's fine. It's not that big of a deal. What does Joey think?"
He refused to look at Gretchen. Joey was the last person he wanted to give this news to. Actually, scratch that. His father was the last person. Doug was a close second, followed by Dawson, and then Joey.
"You haven't told her? Why?"
"Because Joey is smart, but Pacey is an idiot, and I'm trying not to make her any more aware of that fact than she already is."
"You are not an idiot, Pacey. And something tells me that Joey's feelings for you are not contingent on your GPA." She got up off the couch. "Listen, I can stand here and tell you that everything is gonna be okay, but it's gonna sound a lot better coming from her. So, tell her. Okay?"
Pacey shook his head, feeling hopeless. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."
Gretchen's brows knitted as she stared at him. "Pacey, this girl is a keeper, and I can't in good conscience allow you to blow it 'cause you're scared."
He scoffed. "Scared?"
"Like a little girl. And if you're not careful, you're going to sabotage this relationship before it has the chance to really become something."
He leaned back against the couch. "I'm gonna sabotage it, huh? Methinks you've been watching a little too much Oprah."
"I'm serious, Pacey."
"What do you expect when I've had to listen in stereo all my life to my brother and my father telling me how stupid I am? How can I help not feeling like a moron sometimes?"
"You're right. They're jerks, both of them. But Dad and Doug have so many problems between them, you should just throw them a huge pity party. Besides, they're not your problem."
He rolled his eyes. "Oh, please, Great Oracle of Capeside, who is?"
Arching her brow, she gave him a pointed look. "Your problem is Dawson."
"Dawson?"
"Don't tell me you don't hear him, whispering in your ear, telling you that you're not good enough, that he's the better man, that he's better for Joey. Don't listen to that voice, Pacey. That voice is a ghost. Joey obviously doesn't want to be with Dawson, or she would be. She picked you, and I doubt her reasons had anything to do with your grades. So, just talk to her about your classes. Okay?"
Maybe Dawson was a small part of the problem, but that honestly wasn't what was bothering him. If he flunked out, which now seemed more than likely to happen, what kind of future could Joey have with him? And as soon as he told her his little problem, she'd come to the same conclusions herself.
Heaving a sigh, Pacey got up off the couch and followed Gretchen outside. They were soon sitting in front of the owner, signing a rental agreement for a nine-month lease of the rundown beach house on Bridge Street. They were each given a set of keys, and after shaking hands with the owner, they went to the hardware store to buy paint and supplies.
A couple hours later, he was sitting with his girlfriend in the forward bow of the True Love, dining on a large pizza he'd gotten downtown at Carmine's. Joey sat there in a pink satiny dress, clearly not wearing a bra, the thin straps frequently falling down, revealing her soft, tanned bare skin, her long dark hair flowing over her shoulders, wisps dancing in the gentle breeze around her, and not even that could improve his mood.
"So… I got to hang out with Andie after school today," she told him.
"Yeah?"
"She asked me if I wanted to go for ice cream." Joey paused, thinking. "It was very nice of her. You know, to go out of her way to make sure things aren't… weird between us."
"Did Andie talk about it? You know, what happened back in the spring?"
She took a bite of her pizza, nodding. "Sort of. She admitted she had been shocked and hurt when it all first happened, but she understands that sometimes things happen that are beyond our control, and she knows that you and I aren't the kind of people who would intentionally hurt anyone. She was very gracious about it, and she seemed genuinely glad you're happy. Have you talked to her?"
He shook his head. "Not really." He'd wanted to, but now there were other things weighing on his mind.
"You probably should. Are you gonna give her the souvenir you got her?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. The Dumbo keychain was down in the cabin. Maybe he'd give it to her, if he could find an opportune moment that would lessen the awkwardness of it all.
Joey gazed at him. When she first got on the boat, she'd instantly known he wasn't in a good mood. There was something going on behind his eyes, and she wasn't sure what was the cause. He'd been perfectly okay when they'd said goodbye outside the cafeteria earlier that day. Was it his family? School? Being back in Capeside in general? She'd asked him if he was all right, and he'd told her he was fine, but couldn't quite meet her eyes when he said it. He'd since been abnormally quiet. She was trying her best to keep up a cheerful attitude and keep the conversation light in hopes it would pull him out of his broodiness, but so far, she wasn't having much luck.
"So glad we could make reservations. You know, personally, I find the food leaves a little something to be desired, but… gotta love the atmosphere." She smiled at him, but he only nodded in agreement. "So, how was your day, honey?"
"Oh, it was just swell." Part of him knew he should follow his sister's advice and just tell Joey about it, but she was obviously in a good mood. Why ruin it by talking about what a dismal failure with no future he was?
She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm. "I think you're just a little grumpy because we're not in the middle of the Atlantic anymore."
Heading back to the ocean sounded great to him. "Hey, look, I could have this baby packed up and ready go in about 15 minutes," he said, standing up. "You just gotta give me the word. I guarantee all this school stuff will still be here when we get back." He hopped down into the cockpit and lifted the lid on the cooler. "Root beer?"
"No, thanks. Our summer at sea was an exceptionally lovely then, but this is now. It's our senior year. Do you have any idea what that means?"
"Well, if I had a car, I guess I could park it in the senior lot," he said, opening a bottle of root beer. "That'd be pretty cool."
"Read my lips, Pace. One more year. Then we're out of here. No more high school. No more Capeside. It's what we've always wanted, and we're so close now."
Maybe she was. He, on the other hand… Saying nothing in reply, he took a drink.
Joey frowned at his silence. "So, what was that whole guidance office thing about, anyway? Was Mr. Milo happy to see you? Did he give his favorite student a big hug?" she teased.
"Uh, Mr. Milo retired, actually. Seeing me through my senior year was just too much for the old guy to take."
"Retired? Then who'd you see? Mr. Kapinos?"
Pacey stepped out of the cockpit, heading back to the forward bow. "Surprisingly, no, but the school year is still young. I can almost guarantee I'll be called to his office eventually. Apparently, the school has roped in the football coach to help in the guidance office while they look for Mr. Milo's replacement."
Her brows knitted in confusion. "Football coach? Wait. You mean, Mr. Leery?"
"Yes. Good ol' Mitch."
"What did he talk to you about?"
He hesitated for a moment. "Uh, my schedule…"
She scoffed. "You mean the easiest schedule in the senior class? Pacey, I hope he encouraged you to take some more challenging classes. I know a half-day has its appeal, but you'll serve yourself and your future prospects better if you have a full schedule."
What future prospects? He shook his head, sighing.
"Well, are you at least going to take the SATs?" She sighed. "I need to start prepping for the SATs myself. We can do it together."
Pacey was thankful for the abrupt change in topic. "But you took them in the spring and, if memory serves me right, you got an excellent score."
She shrugged. "I know, but… applications to Ivy League schools are so competitive. I want to see if I can crack fourteen-hundred."
"Wasn't thirteen-eighty close enough?" he asked, dumbfounded. Then he chuckled. "Why am I not surprised? I mean, this is the same Joey Potter who made me trudge through the cold marsh hunting for snails because she got a ninety-eight on a test."
"You say that like you didn't have any fun," she teased.
Gazing at her, the memories from that day came back to him and he smiled. "I did have fun."
The tenderness in his eyes and the warmth in his voice made her feel incredibly loved and desired. Joey tried and failed to stop herself from grinning like a fool. "Me, too." Then her face grew serious. "But you are finally going to take your SATs next month, though, right?"
"Why? So, I can score a nine-fifty? I mean, what's the point, Jo?"
"Pacey, come on. Don't be so defeatist. You're incredibly smart, much smarter than you realize or give yourself credit for. A little bit of work goes a long way with you. If you take the time to study for it, I think you can get a great SAT score."
While her confidence in him usually made him feel stronger and more capable, he wasn't so sure about the SATs. There was no point taking them and getting a score that would only end up being an embarrassment to her and his family. Just the idea of taking the SATs and getting a decent enough score so that some school overlooked his abysmal transcript was laughable. College just wasn't in the stars for him. He'd made his peace with it. Well, mostly.
But the thought of flunking out entirely? Of being the loser who couldn't even hack it in high school? Pacey handed his girlfriend the parmesan cheese as he sat down across from her. "Can we not talk about the SATs or school right now?"
"Okay…" She took the container from him. "Thanks. Well, do you wanna hear about my new job?"
"What new job?" He stared. When did that happen? She hadn't told him she was going job hunting.
"You're looking at Capeside Yacht Club's newest serving wench," she chuckled. "And it was Andie who told me about the position this afternoon, actually."
"Congratulations." At least she was having a good first start of the school year, unlike himself.
His bad mood was making her patience wear a little thin. "Don't sound too excited for me there, Pacey."
He shrugged. "I didn't know you were so fixated on getting a job."
"Well, yeah. I mean, you of all people should know just how badly I need to make the extra money. I mean, without it, I'm doomed to walk the streets of Capeside forever, which is unacceptable. I'm not ending up some townie."
"You're not going to, Jo. You're gonna get out of here. I wouldn't bet against that Potter girl, remember?"
She smiled at the memory and chewed her lip. "I remember."
He took another swig from his root beer. He had thought that once he was with Joey back on the boat, he'd start to feel a little better about the situation. But even here Pacey couldn't rid himself of the feeling that he was tainted with failure, inferior, worthless. "You're gonna leave all the townies in Capeside behind, Jo, so don't worry."
September 6. On Wednesday evening, after she'd managed to get Alexander to finally go to sleep, Joey lay down on her bed and began her chapter reading assignment that was due tomorrow. The clock had just struck eight when she heard the doorbell ring. With a sigh, she rolled off her bed and went to the front door, wondering if their rare night off was now going to entail paying guests.
However, when she opened the door, she was greeted with a surprise. "Jen!"
"Hey, Joey." Her friend stood there with crossed arms, looking somewhat uncomfortable.
"I didn't expect to see you. What brings you here? Is everything all right?"
Jen came through the open door. "Yeah, I just… I was downtown and I didn't feel like going home just yet."
Shutting the door behind her, Joey motioned towards the kitchen. "Well, come in. Can I get you anything to drink? You hungry?"
"No, no. I'm fine. I think I just needed some estrogen therapy," Jen said as she moved into the living room. "I'm sick of boys at the moment."
"Yeah. I'm glad you came over. We actually don't have any guests tonight for a change and I was afraid I was going to have to spend my evening alone with a toddler."
They sat down on the couch. "Where's Bessie and Bodie?" Jen asked.
"A rare date night."
"And that boyfriend of yours? I noticed he wasn't in school today."
Joey nodded. "He took the day off to help his sister with moving into this house they're renting. I stopped by there on my way to school this morning and Pacey showed me around. It's a cute place, I think, and it's right on the pond. Needs some work, though, so he'll be busy with that. He said he might cut tomorrow, too. I guess taking a couple days off the first week of school isn't a big deal, and it's not as though he has a super demanding schedule this year."
Jen shook her head. "Those half-day warriors. Must be nice."
"Meanwhile, I'm already up to my eyeballs with homework."
"Don't get me started, Joey. The paper I have to write for AP Psych next week is a monster. And why did I ever decide to take AP Statistics? I mean, someone please shoot me and put me out of my misery."
She smiled. "I bet I'll be wanting another hole in the head myself come midterms."
Jen chuckled. "We'll all want several, I'm sure."
"So, um, how's Henry?"
Her friend lowered her gaze, crossing her arms. "Henry? I couldn't care less. He asked Jack to do him a favor and dump me for him."
Joey's mouth fell open. "No! What a jerk!"
"I know. An immature little twit." She groaned. "I'm just… so pissed off right now, you can't even imagine. I thought he loved me, you know?"
"Henry was crazy about you, Jen. You know that. It was obvious to everyone. But he's just…"
"A sixteen-year-old kid who has a lot of growing up to do?"
She frowned in sympathy. "Yeah."
Jen heaved a sigh. "I mean, who am I kidding? Sure, me and Henry might've had this year together if he'd come back to Capeside, and then what? He'd still have two more years of high school after that and I'd be going off to college. There was no future in this. What was I thinking? Getting so involved, so emotionally attached to something that was going nowhere in the end? I'm an idiot."
"You're not an idiot, Jen. The heart wants what the heart wants."
"Well, sometimes the heart is an idiot, Joey."
She shrugged in defeat.
Jen shook her head, disgusted. "And the fact he didn't even have the balls to break up with me himself and had to hire my best friend for the hit job."
"That's unfortunate. What did Jack say?"
"Well, I honestly didn't let him say much. I kind of blew up and stormed off." Jen took a deep breath and then smiled. "Let's talk about something else. So, tell me about Pacey. How're things going now that you've rejoined the real world?"
Joey frowned slightly. "He's been kinda moody. Back to school blues, I guess. He said he was going to call me tonight from the new house. The phone company was supposed to be installing their line today."
"So, what's this Gretchen Witter like? Dawson and Jack mentioned her briefly, but…"
"She's nothing like the rest of Pacey's family, which is a good thing. He's a lot closer with her than his other siblings. She's pretty nice. She was a Capeside High cheerleader. So, you know… super popular, and she got really good grades and never got in any trouble."
"So, like you said," Jen replied. "Nothing like the rest of the Witter's."
Joey laughed.
"So, how's it going with you and Dawson? You two getting back into the swing of things?"
She rolled her eyes. "Well, he doesn't go out of his way to talk to me, but I can say he's being polite, and… that's about it." The memory from their first day rolled over her like a wave of embarrassment. "And of course, I had to start the day off yesterday by making out with Pacey in the doorway of Dawson's Homeroom. So, that wasn't at all awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved."
"Yikes. That is…"
"Yeah."
Jen reached over and gave her a reassuring pat on the arm. "It's okay, Joey. This is an adjustment period. It'll take some getting used to, and then before you know it, everyone will just accept this as the new normal. It's not like Dawson was never going to see you two kissing. It was bound to happen, sooner or later. Best to get it over with right away."
"Yeah, but… I never wanted to shove it in his face like that."
"Well, no… but it's not like you did it on purpose."
Sighing, Joey got off the couch. "We'll just have to make the best of it. It is what it is. I'm not giving up hope that in time the three of us can all be friends, or at least Pacey and Dawson will be able to tolerate being in the same room together without wanting to maim each other. That's a good first step, right?"
When she came back to the living room from checking on Alexander, Jen told her she should be getting on home to her grandmother. After saying goodbye, Joey returned to her bedroom, hoping Pacey would call soon. Bessie and Bodie soon came home from their dinner date, and still no phone call. It was half past nine when the doorbell suddenly rang again.
"I got it," Joey called out as she walked to the front door. To her surprise, Dawson was standing on the other side of it.
"Hey."
"Hey," she said, letting him in the house.
He glanced at his watch. "It's not too late, I hope."
She shook her head as she closed the door. "Oh, no, not at all. Of course not. Come on in. You missed Jen. She was here a little bit ago."
"Oh, well… too bad I didn't get to see her. There's always tomorrow at school, I guess. So… you and Jen are like, hanging out now?"
She shrugged. "We're friends. Why?"
He shook his head. "No reason, just… surprised. I mean, Jen was never really your favorite person."
"Well, that was a long time ago, Dawson. A lot's changed since sophomore year."
"You're right about that."
Deciding not to give his comment a reply, Joey headed to the kitchen while Dawson then explained the reason for his coming over. She found it hard to believe he'd come all the way over there just to give her back her Counting Crows CDs that he'd borrowed in the 9th grade. There had to be another reason, a real reason. She set two glasses down on the counter and offered him some iced tea.
"No," he replied to her offer. "Um… the reason I stopped by was, uh…" He hesitated, rubbing his brow. "Well… Pacey."
"Okay. What about Pacey?"
He sighed. "You know what? Just talk to Pacey, okay?"
"About?" Did something else happen between the two of them? Dawson seemed concerned. What was this?
"About school. He's in trouble."
"What are you talking about? What kind of trouble?" She hadn't heard anything. Pacey hadn't said anything.
"Well, he didn't show up for school today…"
She sighed. "I know he didn't, Dawson. He's busy helping Gretchen with moving into their new place, but that's nothing to worry about. I mean, good grief. You were making me nervous there for a second."
He shook his head. "Well, if he's not careful and misses too much school, he's gonna flunk out. I can't for the life of me figure out why I should even care about this, but… I'm here, and if there's anyone who can help him out, it's you. So…"
What? Flunk out? There was no way Pacey would be in such serious trouble and not tell her about it. They told each other everything. This was absurd. "Well, no offense, Dawson, but if Pacey was in such dire straits, don't you think I would know about it?"
"No, I don't."
"Why?"
"Don't you get it, Joey? When you love someone, you want her to be proud of you, you want her to think that there's nothing in the world that you're incapable of, and the thought of disappointing her is… it's crippling."
Was Pacey afraid to tell her? But he'd opened up and told her incredibly difficult, personal things over the summer. And they'd agreed to always be upfront and honest in their relationship. Was he really afraid of what she'd think of him? Afraid she'd be disappointed?
Dawson then started to head for the front door. "Goodnight."
Wordlessly, Joey watched him leave. Her emotions were a mixture of confusion, worry, anger, sadness. Her gaze fell on the truck keys hanging from their hook on the wall. "I'm going out!" she shouted for her sister and Bodie to hear.
After turning off Main and onto Bridge Street, she kept her eyes peeled for the last driveway on the right before the road crossed over Mill Pond. When she pulled up in front of the weathered beach house, she shut the engine off and hopped out of the truck. Moments later she was knocking on the front door. Gretchen answered.
"Hi, Joey."
"Hey. Is Pacey here?"
Eyeing her, Gretchen stepped aside to let her in. "Yeah. Is everything okay?"
She walked inside, looking around at all the boxes stacked everywhere. "Well, I'll let you know after I talk to Pacey."
"He's out on the back patio."
Joey followed Pacey's sister to the living room area and watched her open the sliding glass door. "There he is. Try not to bruise him," Gretchen said before disappearing back inside the house, closing the door behind her.
"Hey," Pacey greeted, happily surprised she'd come to see him, and quickly approached her. "There's my girl."
His hands grasped her hips but she put her palms on his chest and gently pushed him back. "What's going on with you?"
He blinked, taken aback for a moment. "What do you mean?"
"Why are you suddenly in danger of flunking out? Why did I have to hear it from Dawson? Why does Dawson know more about your life right now than I do, Pacey?"
Great. Why was he not surprised? Of course, Dawson would go running to tell Joey. "Because apparently Leery Sr. has a very big mouth, and oh how I bet Junior loved being on the receiving end of that news."
She sighed. This was not about his feud with Dawson. "Can you please stick to the point?"
"No, honestly. I'm sure he loved hearing that, you know? Now the guy's salivating. He gets to swoop in on his soulmate with a big fat, 'I told you so.' Did he finally convince you I'm a loser?"
"You're not a loser, Pacey. I didn't spend my summer with a loser. And this has got nothing to do with Dawson. This is about you and me. Do you know how insulting it is to know that I'm not even on your list of people to contact in case of emergency?"
He scoffed, shaking his head. "This isn't an emergency, Jo. It's not that big a deal, you know? I'm handling it."
Unamused, she crossed her arms. "And how does cutting school translate to handling it, Pacey? You could've helped Gretchen with the move on the weekend. School is obviously where you need to be if you have so much at stake." She watched him busy himself with a fishing rod, refusing to look her in the eye. Sadness and disappointment welled up inside, overpowering her anger. "Why couldn't you have told me about this yourself? Why didn't you come to me immediately? And even after I asked you why Mr. Leery had to talk to you, you still couldn't just be upfront about it. I thought you trusted me. I thought we were a team. Was I wrong?"
His brows furrowed as he worked the fishing line, keeping his back to her. Was that the impression his actions had given her? That had never been his intention.
"Pacey…"
He wanted to speak, but the words were caught somewhere in his throat. His reluctance to tell her about his failed classes and the threat that posed on graduating was somehow tied up in his fear of losing her, his fear of a future without her in it.
She stared, at a loss for words. "Fine." She turned from him, walking back over to the sliding glass door and opening it. "Let me know if you ever feel like telling me about anything that's going on in your life."
Closing his eyes, he heaved a sigh and turned around. "Joey, wait."
She paused in the open doorway, gazing at him, arching her brows expectantly.
He crossed the patio floor, closing the distance between them, and grasped hold of the door handle. "Please don't leave."
Crossing her arms, she stepped back out of the doorway and watched him slide the door closed again. "Are you gonna talk to me now?"
"Okay, so where do I start?" he asked, walking over to a wicker loveseat his sister had bought at a discount furniture store earlier that afternoon and sitting down.
"Start wherever you want, Pacey." She moved to sit beside him.
He honestly didn't know how to explain himself, but he was going to try. "Well, I'll start of first by saying that you, Josephine Potter, have just wrecked me. In the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me. Because, you see, I fell in love with you knowing that there was never any possibility of being with you, knowing full well that a sizable chunk of your heart would always be wrapped up in our friend, Dawson. And that much was actually okay with me." He heaved a sigh. "Then you chose me and turned everything on its head. I got everything that I wanted. But ever since I found out just how badly I screwed up at school, I've just been a wreck."
Astonished, she hadn't been expecting to hear anything at all like this. "Why?"
"Because now it seems like all I can do is wait for the other shoe to drop… wait for you to realize what a big mistake you've made… and wait for you to realize that I'm just gonna be a big disappointment."
It saddened her that he felt this way. "What does this have to do with you screwing up at school?"
He shook his head. "Don't you get it? Maybe Bessie is right to worry about your future where I'm concerned. Maybe I am the loser who's gonna ruin your life. I mean, maybe you did make the wrong choice. Dawson would never have screwed up like I did, Jo. It just wouldn't have happened. You know that."
She pursed her lips, nodding. "You're right. Do you know what else Dawson would never do? He would never buy me a wall to encourage my creative talent and personal growth. Something like that never would even enter his mind. And he would never inspire me to run away with him for the summer. It just wouldn't happen, and you know that. We had a magic summer, Pacey. We shared something that I'm gonna remember for the rest of my life. We're creating our own history here. We built something really special together over the summer—an incredible foundation for a relationship. And unlike the very brief romance I shared with Dawson, it's a relationship that I believe can stand the test of time."
"That's a nice way of looking at it." He felt like a fool. Why didn't he just talk to her right away?
"Yeah. But this is where it gets rough. We spent three months at sea, but we haven't even come close to weathering the storm. I mean, we ran away. We made our own reality and lived in it. It was so wonderful, but…"
"But it couldn't last forever." If only.
She smiled at his disappointed expression. "Nor should it. Pacey, a relationship isn't about a romantic three-month cruise. It's gonna be the details that define us… you know, the moments. Now that we're back in the real world with all its challenges, sometimes things are going to be really hard. But we can handle anything that comes our way if we handle it together. And we'll never be able to help each other with problems if we don't know what they are, you know? We have to talk to each other, share the burden."
Emotion tightened his throat, and he swallowed against the lump forming there. "Okay," he breathed. "Joey… I am… really scared. Um… I think that I screwed up and I'm gonna flunk out of high school." He took a deep breath, tears pricking his eyes. "So, I need your help. Uh… really badly."
She smiled, reaching out to rest a comforting hand on his back. "That's all you needed to say, Pace."
"Easy for you to say," he sighed, and she pulled him to her, cradling his head to her shoulder.
"Whatever it takes, we're gonna fix it," she assured him as he lifted his head to look at her. She clasped his face in her hands, wiping his tears away with her thumbs. "You know? Everything's gonna be okay."
Pacey sighed, worry still plaguing him. "But how can you be sure?"
Because she knew they were in this together. They were a team. "I'm not going anywhere without you."
He breathed a sigh of relief. His hands went to her face as his mouth came down softly on hers. Their kiss was full of love and full of promise. When they broke apart, he gazed at her and smiled. "I really should've listened to my sister. She had told me to talk to you about my school problem, you know?"
"It's nice to know someone in the Witter family can boast a brain cell or two," Joey teased.
He snorted. "I guess I deserve that."
She shook her head. "Wouldn't it have been so much easier if you'd just told me about this right away?"
"You know, when Mitch told me that I'd failed three of my classes, and that I risked watching my friends all graduate and start their lives without me… all I could think about was you." He sighed and gazed at her, running his fingers through her soft hair. "After high school, you'll undoubtedly go off to some prestigious institution and achieve academic glory. But with a flunky and a failure for a boyfriend? In what world would that ever work? I'd just drag you down, Jo. I wouldn't be anyone you could be proud of, and would just be an embarrassment to you. What kind of future could you have with me if I flunk out? So… I was just scared to tell you."
That's what he was afraid of? The reason he hadn't wanted to tell her? Didn't he know that her future would always lay with him? "I told you that I refuse to live without you, Pacey Witter. So, you're stuck with me. And you could never be an embarrassment. No matter what becomes of your high school career, I could never not be proud of you. You're an amazing person. You're going to do amazing things with your life. I've already seen you do amazing things, and I'm sure you'll continue to amaze me for a long time to come."
Pacey's heart swelled, full to bursting. He kissed her again and then leaned into her. Joey leaned back against the loveseat, pulling him with her, and he wrapped her leg around his hip. "Let's make out," he murmured suggestively.
"Sounds romantic," she laughed.
"Well, you're far too cynical for my romantic overtures."
"Doesn't mean you don't earn points for trying."
"Oh, come on. You love me."
"And you bug me."
Chuckling, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. He kissed her again, and they were tangled and devouring each other's lips for what felt like forever.
September 7. Lunchtime in the cafeteria had changed dramatically this year, Pacey thought as he sat down with his tray at an empty table. Tables were not nearly as full as previous years, largely thanks to the seniors who'd chosen the half-day route and many others who'd rather spend their lunch period in the computer lab, or the lounge designated for the sole use of High Honor Roll students where they could stretch out on several couches and sleep.
While opening his can of soda, he suddenly found himself staring at Andie, Jack, and Jen standing in front of his table. "Hey, guys."
"Hi," they greeted.
"Are you sitting by yourself?" Jen asked him.
"Oh, no. Joey had to go talk to Mr. Kasdan about something, but she should be here in a minute or two."
Jack gripped his tray, nodding. "Uh… do you mind if we sit with you guys?"
After a quick glance around the cafeteria, Pacey shook his head. "No, not at all." He watched his friends take up three other seats at the table, leaving an empty one for Joey when she arrived. "So, I guess Dawson isn't coming to lunch?"
Jen pursed her lips, fighting a smirk. "He's hanging out in the A/V room today with the other nerds."
He snorted. That was no surprise to him. "So, how's your day going so far, Andie?" he asked, turning to watch her open her bottle of lemonade.
"Ugh," she groaned. "It's only the third day of school, and already Mrs. Viscardi gave a pop quiz. How about you?"
He shrugged. "All right, I guess. Jack?"
His friend nodded as he took a swig from his carton of milk. "I'm just happy tomorrow's Friday."
"Speaking of Fridays," Pacey said, something important popping into his mind. "I'm glad I've got a few minutes alone with you. So, uh, Joey's eighteenth birthday is in a couple weeks—Friday, the twenty-second. I was thinking of throwing a party at my new place. You guys would come, right?"
"Yeah, of course," Jack said.
Andie nodded. "Definitely."
"Wouldn't miss it," Jen added.
He smiled. "Good." Then he hesitated a moment. "Do you guys think Dawson would come?" He watched his friends exchange looks of uncertainty. "Eighteen is kind of a big deal, you know, and I know it would mean a lot to Joey if he was there, but if the party is at my house then maybe he wouldn't want to come. I mean, you'd think maybe he could forget about that for an evening and just come for her, right?"
Jen shrugged. "I don't know, Pacey. One would hope. Do you want me to talk to him and see what he says?"
Opening up his chocolate pudding, Jack smiled. "I think Dawson would understand that Joey's eighteenth birthday is a momentous occasion."
"You know, Pacey, I think it's really sweet of you to stay and have lunch here with Joey," Andie said. "Even though you could technically just go home at the lunch bell like the rest of the half-dayers."
"Uh… well, I'm not a half-dayer anymore, actually."
She flashed him a bright smile. "You decided to take more classes?"
He threw her a chastising look. "Don't get too excited there, McPhee. I didn't decide to take more, I don't really have a choice. You see, I bombed the hell out of three of my final exams last year, and instead of going to summer school, I went to Key West. So, guess who has three classes after lunch? And the irony of it all is that now I'm not gonna get out of school until about forty-five minutes after the rest of you."
His friends all stared at him, blinking. "Oh, man, that sucks," Jack commiserated.
"Yeah, Pacey. God…"
Andie frowned. "I'm so sorry, Pacey."
He shook his head. "I don't know why you're all so shocked. Especially you, Andie. I mean, you of all people know how much of a screw-up I am."
"I know nothing of the sort, Pacey," she replied sternly. "You are incredibly smart, and you're very driven when you have something to focus on. I've said so a hundred times. Your problem is that you need to believe in yourself. I believe in you, and I always have." She paused for a moment. "I bet Joey does, too."
Pacey started to nod and then his eyes flew to the cafeteria entrance, where Joey was suddenly walking in carrying her lunch tray, her backpack slung over one shoulder. His thoughts went to the note folded up in the front left pocket of his jeans. Between third and fourth period, he'd found the note stuck in the vent of his locker. He'd opened it to find her familiar feminine handwriting, sending the butterflies in his stomach ablaze.
"I chose you. And I will choose you, over and over. Without pause, and without a doubt, in a heartbeat I'll keep choosing you. ~ Joey"
From across the cafeteria, her gaze found and held his. Her features softened and she smiled. His heart skipped a beat. "I know she does, Andie."