September 22. Pacey and Joey arrived back at the beach house shortly after six o'clock to find no else had arrived at the party in their absence. When they walked through the front door, her eyes popped and her jaw dropped. The banner strung across the kitchen read Happy Birthday Joey. The living room looked festive, decorated with white streamers and balloons, Happy eighteenth Birthday signs and blue frilly things hanging everywhere. More than that, it looked like her boyfriend and his sister had finally finished their interior décor, the walls painted half green and half blue.
"This is amazing," she said, feeling pleased and also slightly embarrassed at being the center of attention. "I think I'd really only been expecting a cake, but… this? You didn't have to do all this. Thank you, Pacey."
His heart warmed at her bright smile. "I'm glad you like it. And yes, I absolutely had to do all this, Jo. Eighteen is a big deal, and you're my girl."
She wrapped her arms around him. "And the place looks great. You and Gretchen did a nice job in here."
"Wait until you see my bedroom," he said, excited to show it off. "I finished painting it yesterday after school. I hung some stuff up on the walls today. I think you'll like it."
The thought of his bedroom made Joey's heart jump, and she felt her cheeks redden. She shouldn't be thinking about his bedroom right now. His bed. Being taken to it. God, what was she doing? She forced the thoughts away.
Just then Andie, Jen, and Gretchen came inside from the back porch and rushed towards her. "Happy birthday, Joey!" they all shouted.
She gave them each a hug and thanked them all. Movement in her peripheral vision caused her to turn and her eyes went wide. "Will Krudski?!" she said as he walked through the sliding glass doorway.
"Hey, Joey," he greeted with a smile. "Surprise. Long time, no see. Happy birthday."
"Thanks. So, how've you been? I haven't seen you since the—"
"The regatta. Yeah. Fun times," he deadpanned.
She awkwardly glanced between Pacey and Jen, and then looked down at the wrapped gift in her hand from Dawson, memories of the regatta coming forward in her mind. "Yeah…" Maybe it had been best for Dawson not to have come to the party? Pacey, Dawson, and Will being all together might have been super uncomfortable. She still felt disappointed about his absence, though. "Um, so, how's boarding school?"
He frowned for a moment. "Let's not ruin the party with talk about school," he chuckled darkly.
"Good idea," Pacey agreed.
An hour later, the birthday party was in full swing. Bessie, Bodie, and Alexander had been the first to arrive. Jack came after football practice and brought his father and Jen's grandmother with him. Doug showed up as well as Mitch and Gail Leery soon after, and then Buzz's mother dropped him off. Pacey and Gretchen's next-door neighbors arrived, Earl and Pam Dixon, an older couple who also owned their own boat, followed by their neighbors from across the street, Shaun and Angela Covich and their two children.
A gingham-cloth covered card table that sat flush against the back of the house was topped with wrapped gifts. One of the picnic tables was covered with all sorts of finger foods, snacks, and side dishes. Music emanated from a boom box on the porch, the volume loud enough to be entertaining but low enough for everyone to enjoy conversation. Pacey stood at the grill, flipping burgers and hot dogs, while Gretchen kept the punch bowl full.
After watching Joey for a moment, laughing with Jen and Jack at a picnic table, he turned to his sister as he flipped a patty. "Where's Carrie? She was supposed to come with the girls."
Gretchen shook her head and shrugged. "I don't know. When I talked to her this morning, she said she'd be here."
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Maybe that's her," he said, handing the spatula to his sister. After walking from the porch and back inside the house, he made his way to the front door. He opened it and then stared in shock.
"Hey there," Drue Valentine said. "How's the party going? Anyone wearing a lampshade on their head yet?"
"What the hell are you doing here?"
Drue's self-satisfied smile became a frown. "Is that how you always greet people who show up at your door, Witter?"
"People who weren't invited."
"I'll keep that in mind."
Before he could ask the guy again what he was doing at his house, his sister came up beside him. "Oh, not Carrie," she said, taken aback. "And who are you?"
"I'm Drue. I work with Joey at the yacht club." He gave her the once over, gazing at her tight dress appreciatively. "And who might you be?" he asked with a flirtatious grin.
Pacey's jaw clenched. "This is my sister. I'll ask you again. What are you doin' here?"
Drue lifted a familiar backpack. "Joey was in such a rush when she left work earlier, she left her bag behind. I'm merely doing her a favor by returning it."
Gretchen smiled. "That was very nice of you. Um… do you want to come inside and join the party? We've got plenty of food. You can give Joey her bag yourself."
Turning his head, Pacey gave her a shocked expression. "What?!"
"We should be hospitable," she muttered under her breath.
"Why, I'd love to attend Joey's birthday party," Drue replied with glee. "Thank you."
Once their impromptu guest was inside the house, Pacey closed the front door behind him, grumbling all the way back out to the porch. Joey soon caught his gaze with a wide-eyed look of surprise at the sudden appearance of her much-despised coworker. He could only shake his head and shrug helplessly. While Drue grabbed a glass of punch, Pacey turned his attention back to the grill.
Jen sighed, her mouth curving into a slight frown. "I'm sorry Dawson didn't come, Joey. He was reluctant when I invited him, but then when we talked about it and I told him how much it would mean to you to have him at your party, he said he'd make the effort for you. I almost can't believe he wouldn't be here for such an important occasion."
"Maybe when push came to shove, he just couldn't bring himself to walk in here," Jack added. "Maybe if the party had been at a neutral location, so to speak, and not at Pacey's house…"
"Yeah, maybe," she replied. Anger rose up inside her chest. "It's just… I know that no matter how awkward or difficult things might be between us, I would never intentionally skip out on something that was important to Dawson. He means too much to me. Our friendship means too much. Everything we've been through together over the years… and not just me and Dawson—Pacey and Dawson. Doesn't that mean more than any stupid fight or misunderstanding? I wish I could lock them both in a room together and force them to work it out. And sometimes I just want to throttle Dawson and tell him to get over it already; me and Pacey being together isn't the end of the world. Other times I still feel guilty about my own behavior last spring and just really awful about the way it all went down. And so, I want so badly for him to forgive me that I'm willing to do everything I can just to spare his feelings and make myself agreeable."
Jack frowned in sympathy. "I'm sorry, Joey. The situation sucks all around."
After swallowing a bite of her grandmother's fruit salad, Jen agreed. "I'll try to talk to Dawson when I get home later."
Joey's attention was suddenly drawn to the porch, where she saw Drue Valentine step through the sliding glass doorway. Her mouth fell open as she stared at Pacey. Her boyfriend stared back, apparently with no explanation as to why her coworker had crashed her party. She then watched as Drue approached the picnic table carrying her backpack. "You left this behind," he said when he reached her table.
"Thanks for bringing it over," she said once he'd handed it to her. "So, why are you still here? You don't have to stay."
"Such rudeness, Potter. Your boyfriend's sister was kind enough to invite me to stay," he remarked before turning his gaze on Jen. He stared for a moment, his mouth curving into a knowing smirk, winked at her, and walked away without another word. Joey then watched him introduce himself to Andie and Will, and scowled in his direction.
Jack stood up from the table. "I'm gonna go get another burger. You ladies want anything?"
They shook their heads and he left. Joey turned from him and noticed her friend's shocked expression. "Jen? What is it?"
"How do you know that guy?" she asked in reply, staring hard at Drue.
"He works at the yacht club. His mother is my bitch of a boss." She paused, taking in her demeanor. "Do you know him?"
Jen frowned. "Unfortunately. But that was a long time ago—in New York. There are some things about that place I wish I could forget, and he's one of them. I had no idea he was in Capeside. This certainly doesn't bode well."
She considered her words for a moment. "Did you… date him?"
"No," she replied, shaking her head. "I was stupid when I was younger, but not that stupid. We went to the same school. You could say he was our class's friendly neighborhood drug dealer. But… there was one time… It was just an indiscretion. It only happened once, and never again, thank God. I'm not sure if he even remembers it; we were both chemically altered at the time."
Joey's eyes went wide and, lowering her voice to a whisper, she said, "You had sex with Drue Valentine?"
Jen shook her head. "Well, sort of, not… technically. We didn't, you know, go all the way, but we did, you know…" The sentence trailed off.
"Did what?"
"Well, you and Pacey are pretty hot and heavy these days, Joey, so I'm sure you can guess."
"We're not that hot and heavy." She frowned, sighing, and felt a sense of frustration stirring inside her.
Jen eyed her for a moment, concern etching across her face. "What's wrong? Are things going okay between you two?"
"Nothing's wrong, really," she shrugged. "Things are good. It's just…" She paused, and glanced around. The other partygoers were standing out of earshot from their table, talking and laughing.
"Is sex the problem?"
"Sex is always my problem," she muttered. "Not that he would ever let on, but I think Pacey might be getting a little impatient."
Shaking her head, Jen took a sip of her punch. "Joey, he loves you. No way."
She tucked her hair behind her ears and leaned forward, placing her arms on the table. "Okay, maybe impatient isn't the right word. He says he's fine with waiting, and I don't feel pressured by him at all, but I know he really wants to have sex. Last weekend, we were making out and he came right out and said he wanted to. And there's nothing wrong with that. I just wasn't ready, and he was wonderful about it, actually, but he hasn't brought it up since. And now when we make out, it's like he's… almost hesitant to do anything without my expressed permission. But Pacey's not the problem. I'm the problem."
"Joey, are you sure you really wanna have sex?"
"Of course, I want to have sex. I really do. Honestly, I think I'm the one who's impatient. I don't even know what I'm waiting for. I just keep waiting and waiting, and so I keep him waiting and waiting. And for what? I guess I just feel… scared? But sometimes I'm not even sure what exactly it is I'm scared of. The idea of getting pregnant is terrifying, but I know there are ways to prevent that from happening. Sex will change everything, but am I actually ready for such a big change? Everyone says that when you're ready, you'll just know, but what if that's just what they all say and they never really know?"
"Joey, I thought you were going to take things slow and gradually work your way up to it. Is that not working out? Or are you just not ready to, uh, slide into home base yet?"
"We're kind of stuck on second. I don't know if stuck is entirely accurate. It's not like we're not having fun, but I guess I'm a little worried Pacey might be getting bored of just hanging around second base. I know he wants more. At this point, I want more, but I just keep waiting."
Jen pursed her lips and nodded. "Well, I very much doubt Pacey could ever be bored with you, Joey. Are you just not ready to move on to third base?"
She blushed, averting her eyes. "I mean, I want to. I think about it all the time. I know it's silly, but I feel embarrassed about being the one to bring it up. So, I just wait for Pacey to initiate, you know, pushing us further, and he hasn't. I'm not sure why."
"Maybe he's scared, too."
"Why would he be scared, Jen? Pacey's the experienced one. I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing half the time."
"Experience is subjective, Joey. Who knows what he did or didn't do before? I'm assuming you don't know the intimate details of his past relationships…"
"Well, no. I've never asked for specifics, and he's never offered to share them. Not that I'm complaining. Part of me wants to know every single detail, but a larger part of me would rather go to my grave not knowing."
"Maybe he's just waiting for you to bring it up. Pacey might not want you to feel obligated or pressured. Maybe he's letting you be the one to take the lead?"
"Yeah, maybe," she sighed. "I don't know what's going on inside his head. I wish I knew."
"Well, you could ask him," she laughed. "Or… do you want me to, you know, drop a hint? I'm very good at getting people to open up, which I'm sure you can attest to."
Joey snorted and rolled her eyes. "Right."
Leaning forward, Jen gave her a kind smile. "You know, Joey, maybe you wouldn't feel as embarrassed or scared about this, and would feel more ready, if you were better informed and actually prepared. Suppose you and Pacey both decided to have sex tonight, do you even have what you need to prevent getting pregnant?"
She chewed on her lip. "Well, I know I don't. I kind of doubt Pacey does."
"Joey, I think you'd feel a little more confident about all this if you were at least prepared. Have you thought about going to the free clinic?"
Her brows knitted. "The free clinic?"
"Yeah. For girls in New York, a visit to the free clinic to get birth control, safe sex advice… it's a rite of passage. I think you'd feel better if you went and got the information you need. There isn't one in Capeside, but there's one in Hyannis. You should call them up and make an appointment. You're eighteen now, Joey. It's time to take your sexual health into your own hands. Take control. And the truth is, I don't know if anybody truly knows when they're ready, but you do know if you're prepared. And right now, you're not."
"You're right," she agreed with a half-smile. While she appreciated the mature advice, she couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive about the idea of going to the free clinic and talking to a stranger about her sex life, or lack thereof. She had a hard enough time talking about it with people she felt comfortable with.
Jen raised her glass of punch. "To responsible sexual gratification."
Starting to feel more at ease, Joey smiled and raised hers. "To womanhood."
They clinked their glasses. "Cheers."
Standing near the grill, Pacey bit into his hot dog and chewed appreciatively. He smiled as he watched Andie and Will engrossed in conversation, Bodie, Mitch, Doug, and Jack talking enthusiastically, Buzz running around with the neighbor kids, Mr. McPhee and Mrs. Ryan smiling with the Dixons, Gretchen entertaining the Covich couple, Joey laughing with Bessie and Gail. He tore his gaze away as Jen stepped onto the porch to refill her glass of punch. "Hey," he greeted.
"Hey, Pacey. Great party."
"Thanks. It honestly doesn't seem like enough, but as long as the birthday girl is having fun, I'm happy."
Jen shook her head. "Nah, it's plenty. I think it's just the kind of party she likes—nothing too wild and crazy."
He nodded in agreement. "She seems to be enjoying herself."
"She is." Jen took a sip of her punch. "So, uh, how are things going between you two?"
Brows furrowing, he eyed her with suspicion. "Fine… Why do you ask?"
She shrugged. "Just making conversation, Pacey. You've been thrown back into the complicated world of high school, not to mention the ongoing split with Dawson, but you guys still seem really happy, and that makes me happy."
"Well, we are happy, despite life and school and all its complications."
"I bet you're glad you and me never actually had sex last year, huh?" she asked, smirking. "That's one complication our social circle avoided."
He snorted. "I was relieved when it didn't work out, yeah. I would've regretted it." He swallowed, realizing what he'd said and the way it sounded. "Not anything against you personally, of course. You're a beautiful girl. I just mean... well, I would've regretted hooking up with anyone when I was, you know, in love with someone else."
Jen laughed. "I know what you meant, Pacey. I would've regretted it, too, and nothing against you personally. I'm fully aware of your many charms. We're much better off as we are—friends with no benefits. So, is it safe to say that things are, uh, working out much better with Joey than they did with me?"
"Is that your roundabout way of asking if me and Joey are having sex? Well, we're not, which I'm sure you already know. Joey told me that she told you about the two of us over the summer."
"Does that bother you?"
He shook his head. "I don't care that she talks to you. Joey needs friends, people to talk to other than me."
Nodding, Jen drank from her glass of punch. "Does it bother you that you guys aren't having sex yet?"
He gaped. "Bother me? Are you kidding? My last two relationships pretty much ended with the object of my affection leaving town either to avoid prosecution or go to a mental hospital, if you recall. What I have with Joey…" He sighed. "I've never really had this kind of relationship before, one where we take our time, where we actually build a strong foundation together, and just… enjoy being in love without adding certain complications to the mix. So, I'm determined not to screw this up. This has to be the one thing I get right."
"So, you and Ms. Jacobs and… you and Andie? You didn't take your time?"
Pacey laughed derisively. "Uh… me and Tamara went right from flirting to fucking, and in a span of a few short weeks. And with Andie… well, we were only together for like a month when we started having sex, so…"
Nodding, Jen eyed him a moment. "So, you and Andie didn't fool around for a while first?"
"No, not really." He shrugged. "We went from not being that physical to being really physical. Suffice to say, this is the first time I've gone slow with any girl. I don't mind. I kind of like it. It's different with Joey. I've never been this happy. I can't lose her, Jen. I refuse to screw this up by doing something stupid, which we both know I'm entirely capable of."
"Stupid like… pressuring Joey into doing something she's not ready for?"
He stared, swallowing. Guilt churned in the pit of his stomach. "Well, let's face it, I basically pressured Tamara. I aggressively pursued her until I wore her defenses down and she gave in to me. Not that that condones her part in it. And look how that turned out. Andie, well… at the time I didn't think I was pressuring her, but looking back I can see that I put her in a position where it was difficult to say no, even though I told her she didn't have to do anything she wasn't ready to do. And then I pretty much propositioned you and talked you into a casual sex pact just for the sake of getting laid."
"I blame that on the witches brew we concocted," she joked.
"I don't have a great track record, Jen."
She smiled at him with kind eyes. "Pacey, I don't think Andie regrets anything with you. Well, when it comes to that part of your relationship, anyway."
"I hope that's true."
"And nothing even happened between you and me, so don't even think about that. It's ancient history, water under the bridge. And when it comes to Ms. Jacobs, I can only hope she severely regrets her own actions, but I doubt she'd regret yours. I'm sure you were nothing but good to her. You like to act all tough and play the part of the glib smartass, but speaking as someone who also presents herself as a tough smartass, I know you're a real softie with a heart of gold underneath it all."
Feeling embarrassed by the compliment, he averted his gaze and blushed as he fought a smile. "Well, thank you."
Jen glanced out into the backyard and gazed at Joey for a moment before turning her attention back to the conversation. "Um… I know that you're taking things slow this time around, but there's also such a thing as taking things too slow. Us girls can get frustrated, too. So, just in case you're ever feeling frustrated in the future, chances are Joey might feel the same way. Don't let fear of screwing up prevent you from moving things in their natural progression, Pacey."
He stared for a moment, wondering what exactly she was getting at, but before he could reply there was a knock at the front door. His attention averted to Gretchen, who hurried through the sliding glass doorway and into the living room. Moments later, his three nieces were running out through the doorway and onto the covered porch. "I guess my sister Carrie finally decided to arrive," Pacey told Jen.
While holding the twins in his arms, Piper hugging him around the legs, he heard the unmistakable sound of his parents' voices inside the house and his stomach bottomed out. Gretchen stepped outside and their eyes met and held for a long moment. The expression on her face wasn't comforting. He set his nieces down and stared at his sister in shock. "Why the hell are they here?"
"Mom said Carrie was having a bad day and decided not to come," Gretchen replied. "But the girls were upset because they wanted to come and…" She sighed and crossed their arms. "Mom and Dad decided to bring them, but then Carrie perked up at the last minute and said she'd take them. They all started fighting about going or not going and who was or wasn't invited. I don't know. Anyway, the gang's all here. They're inside taking a tour of the house." She swallowed, her face falling. "Oh, and one more thing… it gets worse. I should warn you that—"
Pacey's attention was suddenly drawn to the doorway where he saw a white-haired man with a withered face but a surprisingly hard and muscular body walk outside. "Oh, no," he muttered.
His sister frowned. "Oh, yes."
"Who is that?" Jen asked.
"Pacey!" the old man greeted. "When your dad told me you and your sister had moved into a house on the pond, I wasn't quite expecting something this run-down. Couldn't you have found something else that wouldn't embarrass the family? We have a reputation to uphold in this community. The place is a dump." He broke out into hearty laughter.
"Hi, Grandpa," he said dryly and watched the man step out into the yard. "Kill me now," he muttered.
Jen stared. "He's your grandfather?"
Groaning, he raised his eyes to the ceiling and shook his head in disgust. "That man is Dale Witter, a grade-A asshole, former Sheriff of Barnstable County, and sadly, my grandfather."
"All right, the party can start," his dad announced as he walked out through the sliding glass doorway carrying a large case of beer to the backyard. His mother, walking out behind him, laughed. "Hi there, sweetie," she said to him in passing.
Joey appeared on the porch, her eyes going wide. "Why is your Grandpa Dale here, Pacey?" she asked when she reached his side.
He shrugged in defeat. "To get drunk and ruin everyone's good time? Why else does he go anywhere?"
Carrie appeared and wished Joey a rather glum happy birthday. "Joanne!" his mother then suddenly exclaimed, returning to the porch with outstretched arms. "Happy birthday, sweetie!"
Joey was pulled into an uncomfortable hug. "Um, thank you, Mrs. Witter."
His mother smiled as she released her. "I would've brought you a gift if I'd known about the party sooner, but Pacey forgot to mention it. He's always forgetting things like that." She brought a hand up and patted his cheek. "Mind like a sieve this one. Right, honey?"
He forced a smile. "Right, Ma."
Joey watched her boyfriend's mother step off the porch and join his father in the backyard, where he handed her a beer. "Your mom does know my name, doesn't she, Pacey?"
"Yes, she does," he grumbled, his mood plummeting. Was his mother being passive-aggressive because of not being invited? "I can't believe this. I'm so sorry. I had no idea they were going to show up. This is gonna be a disaster."
She held his hand reassuringly. "It'll be okay, Pace."
"Do you really believe that, Jo? Or is it just wishful thinking?" Then there was another knock on his front door. "What now?" he groaned.
Gretchen walked back inside the house and then soon returned with their new guest. Pacey stared, taken aback, not having expected him to change his mind and show up. He almost wished he'd been the one to answer the door, so he could've slammed it in the guy's face, but he had bigger problems to worry about than his girlfriend's ex-soulmate finally deciding to get his head out of his ass.
"Happy birthday, Joey."
"Thanks," she said somewhat awkwardly. She didn't know how to feel—relieved and happy that he'd changed his mind, or annoyed that he'd decided to stay away until now.
"I, uh, hope it's okay that I'm here."
"Welcome to the Witter House of Horrors, Dawson," Gretchen said. "You're just in time to watch the party go up in flames."
Without a word spoken between them, Pacey watched Dawson turn and step out into the backyard and speak to his parents. He then watched his own father and grandfather, beers in hand, enthusiastically fawn all over the golden boy. "Perfect," he muttered. "Just perfect."
Joey squeezed his hand. "Maybe it won't be as bad as you think."
Predictably, the birthday party turned into a disaster. It was like a scene out of Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf expanded to include a gathering of family and friends. The alcohol was free-flowing, as were the insults and hostile interactions. His mother kept calling his girlfriend "Joanne" and asking Andie sly questions alluding to her fragile mental health. His dad kept making vague, underhanded remarks that were either directed at Jack or Doug, or both. Gretchen was insulted one too many times by their grandfather. Practically everyone was insulted one too many times by his grandfather. Even Mrs. Ryan was starting to lose her calm demeanor, and Jen was forced to create distance between them.
Joey refused to leave her boyfriend's side or let go of his hand, the tension between her and Dawson noticeably palpable as he seemingly refused to engage her in conversation while she was anywhere near Pacey. They remained cocooned on the back porch, trying to stay as separate from the rest of the Witter clan as possible. He'd proposed going inside and locking themselves away in his bedroom upstairs, but she'd quickly vetoed that idea.
The only person who seemed to be truly enjoying the drunken display of constant rudeness and inappropriate behavior was Drue Valentine. "You sure know how to throw a party, Witter," he said as he stepped between the white-and-blue-streamer-decorated posts and onto the covered porch. Pacey frowned while Drue threw him a shit-eating grin as he refilled his punch glass. "And you have a really interesting family."
Shaking his head, he rolled his eyes. Once Drue walked away, Pacey turned to his girlfriend. "When we get married, I'm changing my name to Potter. And our kids are gonna have the name Potter."
Joey laughed, and then felt her cheeks grow warm as his words sunk in. She knew it had just been an offhanded joke, but did Pacey really give serious thought to getting married and having kids someday? Not marriage and family in an abstract sense, but to marry her and have children with her. To live with her and grow old with her. To be with her forever. Her heart leapt and her stomach fluttered.
"I think it's time for birthday cake!" Andie announced authoritatively while clapping her hands, apparently trying to gain some control over a party quickly falling apart at the seams. Pacey caught her eye and he gave her a grateful smile.
He reluctantly let go of Joey's hand and walked inside the house with Andie, following her to the kitchen. She helped him get the large chocolate cake out of the fridge. She started applying the 18 wax candles to the top. "So, how're you holding up, Pacey?" she asked, looking at him with concern.
He heaved a sigh. "I just want to get this over with. As soon as the festivities end, my family can get the hell out of here." Watching her fuss over the perfect alignment of the candle placement, he smiled. "You, uh, having a good time with Will?"
Andie's eyes flew to his and she blushed, before quickly lowering her gaze. "Um… yeah. He's still the same sweet guy he was five months ago."
"I think we should talk him into coming down to visit more often. What do you think?"
She smiled, still refusing to look at him. "Yeah, that'd be nice."
Gazing at her, he decided to take advantage of finally being alone with her. "Uh, Andie… I just want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for—"
"Stop right there, Pacey Witter. You have nothing to be sorry for. I told you that I wanted you to be happy. Are you happy?"
"At the moment? Not really. But generally speaking? Yes."
"Well, then you have nothing to be sorry about."
He wished that were true. Jen's conversation from earlier swirled around inside his head. "Um, Andie… can I ask you something?"
She stared at the candles, turning the cake this way and that to be sure of the perfect coverage, before she looked up at him. "Sure."
"When we were… together… was I good to you?"
She gaped at him. "Are you serious? You know you were. You saved me, Pacey."
"You gotta stop saying that, Andie. I didn't. You saved yourself. I was just there to lend a helping hand whenever you needed it." She gave him a shy smile. He swallowed, nerves twisting his gut. "Do you, uh, regret our relationship being physical? Do you think that I pressured you into it? That we went really fast and should've waited? Do you regret I was your first but then we broke up? Do you wish we hadn't and you'd saved your first time for someone else?"
Her mouth fell open, her brows knitting in confusion. "Where's all this coming from, Pacey?" He could only shrug. "Do you regret those things?"
"That depends on whether you do or not," he lamented.
"Pacey, I don't regret a single second I spent with you. Every moment was magical." She paused, frowning. "Well, until those rather ugly moments at the end, but that was all my fault and I'm sorry for that."
Shaking his head, he gave her a sad smile. "It wasn't all your fault, McPhee. I'm sorry, too." Emotion tightened his throat. "We're still friends, right, Andie? Not that I deserve your friendship…"
She smiled sweetly and gave him a comforting pat him on the arm. "I'll always be your friend, Pacey. No matter what. I told you that before, and nothing's changed. Okay?"
"Um, I, uh, have something for you," he said. "I got you a souvenir when I was in Florida. It's on the boat, though. I was gonna take Will sailing sometime this weekend. You wanna come with us?"
Andie beamed at him. "I'd love to."
Outside, Joey had ventured out from the porch and to the backyard, trying her best to mingle with the guests while avoiding Pacey's parents. Mid-conversation, Bessie and Bodie's eyes went wide. They gave her a pointed look and then walked away. Confused, she turned around to see Dawson had approached. "Finally decided to talk to me, huh? You know, now that my boyfriend's inside the house."
"I'm really sorry that I left earlier and didn't stick around for the party," he apologized, seemingly ignoring her jab about avoiding Pacey. "I know I had my obvious reasons for not wanting to be here, but I had also managed to talk myself into thinking it would be easier on you without me around. You know, that you could just enjoy your party without a huge elephant in the room. You deserve to have fun at your own party without things being awkward. But I was at home, thinking about it, and I just felt really bad. I know how I'd feel if you weren't there for my 18th birthday…"
He sighed. "I'm sorry, Joey. But I'm here now, and I hope that at least makes a slight bit of difference. My parents will probably throw me a party in March, and I'm assuming you'll be a better friend to me than I've been today."
"I don't know, Dawson." She sipped her punch. "Payback's a bitch."
He chuckled. "I probably deserve that."
She tilted her head, pursing her lips and arching a skeptical brow. "Probably?"
Then she heard Andie calling her name and she turned around. Embarrassed about once again being the center of attention, she walked with Dawson towards the porch decorated with streamers and balloons. The other guests gathered around as she saw Pacey walk through the sliding glass doorway carrying a cake covered with lit candles. Gretchen then led the group into singing the Happy Birthday song. While everyone sang, "dear Joey," Mrs. Witter could be heard singing "Joanne" in a very loud, intoxicated voice. Joey looked at Pacey, and he stared at her while his jaw clenched and he shook his head in disgust. She suddenly smiled at the ridiculousness of his mother's determination not to use her correct name and her chest shook with suppressed laughter.
"Don't forget to make a wish," Bessie reminded her when the song came to an end.
A birthday wish was supposed to come true if you blew out all your candles with one breath. But a million wishes wouldn't bring her mom back, or get her dad out of prison. Joey looked around at the party guests. Some were friends she'd known since childhood, and some were friends she'd made in more recent years. Others she'd never met before, being Pacey and Gretchen's new neighbors. Everyone was waiting for her to blow out her candles, but she didn't know what to wish for.
She supposed she could wish for a decent class ranking, acceptance into a great college, a successful future career where she'd never have to worry about money again. Or perhaps a more general wish for good health and happiness for herself and all those she loved.
And then she looked at him.
Her eyes locked with Pacey's, and he smiled. Time simply stopped. The music and voices disappeared and there was nothing but him. The most beautiful man she had ever seen. The kindest, smartest, most romantic and loving person she had ever known. She imagined the cake was white, instead of chocolate, and instead of candles, a bride and groom cake topper. Suddenly she knew what to wish for when she blew out the candles on her cake.
Pacey sat at a picnic table and watched Gretchen and Andie hand out slices of cake and refill glasses of pink punch. He took a bite of his own piece. "This is good cake," he said to Joey, seated across from him. She nodded appreciatively while she chewed. "So, uh, did Dawson apologize for bailing on you earlier?"
"Yeah. He said he'd thought it would be easier for me if he'd stayed away."
Dumbfounded, Pacey stared at her. "Easier? For you?"
"You know, so I could have fun at my party without having to deal with the tension and awkwardness between us."
"That's complete bullshit."
He didn't realize that he had spoken into one of those rare silences that can fall over a group without warning until the words were out of his mouth. By then it was too late. The birthday crowd froze. He was suddenly the focal point of a variety of expressions that ranged across the spectrum of stern disapproval to acute interest to barely concealed amusement.
Up on the porch, his neighbor Mrs. Dixon called out, "What did he say?"
"He said bullshit," her husband responded.
"Good lord," Pacey muttered.
"Why'd he say bullshit?" the woman asked.
"Very good question," Drue Valentine called out, clearly enjoying himself.
"This is your problem," Joey said out of the side of her mouth. "You solve it."
There was another sudden silence. Pacey swallowed his last bite of cake and faced the partygoers. "We were talking about the Red Sox losing to the damn Baltimore Orioles." While most of the adults grumbled in agreement and the subject was dropped, his friends looked skeptical.
"Nice," Joey said as he turned back to face her.
"Thank you," he smirked.
A few minutes passed, and he caught his dad staring at him with that familiar glassy haze of intoxication. A knot of dread tightened in the pit of his stomach. His dad looked at both him and Joey for a moment, and then he turned to Mitch Leery standing next to him. "You know, I'd always assumed that your boy would best my son at pretty much anything and everything," he said loud enough for all to hear.
"Everyone knows Dawson Leery is gonna go far in life and that Pacey will be lucky to find a job where he can make ends meet," Grandpa Dale added for good measure, followed by a hearty chuckle.
His eyes locked with Joey's while his father laughed, and she frowned in sympathy. "Here we go. I'm surprised it took this long."
"So, imagine my surprise, Mitch, when Pacey stole your son's little girlfriend right out from under his nose. Make that a win for the Witters, eh?" The Sheriff let out another guffaw of laughter. "Frankly, between you and me, I have no idea why any girl would attach herself to a sinking ship instead of a shooting star, but hey, we all make our choices in life."
Speechless, Pacey and Joey could only stare at each other; they refused to look at Dawson. The birthday crowd grew quiet, with many furtive glances between the Sheriff and Mr. Leery and their picnic table. Her face hardened with indignation, and he could see her brown eyes flare with anger. She started to turn away, to speak up, but he reached out and grasped hold of her wrist. "Don't," he pleaded. "It'll only make it worse."
Mitch Leery shook his head, seemingly at a loss as to what to say to those statements. "You know, John, you should be very happy with Pacey, at the way he's facing the challenges of this school year head-on. I hear from his teachers that he's making a real effort, especially in last year's classes that he's making up. They're very pleased with his work. You should be proud of him, John. I know I am."
"What do you mean, last year's classes?"
His father's tone had changed instantly; it was now dripping with venom. Nothing good ever came from that tone. That tone was a threat. "Oh no." He leaned forward and hung his head, closing his eyes. Joey grabbed his hand. He heard Gretchen and Carrie plead with their mother to get their dad out of here.
"Well, uh…" Mitch seemed to be floundering. "Maybe you and Susan should talk to Pacey about that later."
John Witter turned from Mr. Leery. "Did you fail your classes, boy? How many?"
Fear twisted his gut. "Three."
Pacey then remembered an incident in which his dad berated him for a poor grade on a report card in middle school, and after repeated degrading remarks, rolled up the report itself, hit him over the side of the head with it, saying, "Maybe this will knock some sense into you. If not, maybe something else will." He might be too old and too big to beat now, but certainly not to berate.
"You stupid, worthless, no good piece of shit," his father shouted as he moved unsteadily towards his picnic table.
Everyone stared in shock, and he heard some audible gasps. "Sheriff Witter!" Jen's grandmother exclaimed in dismay. Pacey's fight or flight response kicked in and he stood up, took hold of Joey, and pulled her with him. His dad kept coming. As he turned to start walking them back towards the house, suddenly Doug, Mitch, and Bodie stood between him and his father. "Dad," his brother said in a stern, authoritative voice. "It's time to go home."
"Yeah, John, that's probably a good idea," Mitch added.
"Maybe it's best we all go and let the kids enjoy the rest of their party, huh?" Bodie said, exchanging a concerned glance with Bessie.
Before his father, or anyone, could say anything more, Mrs. Thompson called out, "Hello! I'm here to pick up Buzz. I knocked on the front door, but apparently no one heard me. So, I walked around the house."
The appearance of Buzz's mother deflated the tension like a pin pricking a balloon.
The Witter clan departed soon after, save Pacey and Gretchen. One by one, the other guests began to leave, and expressed parting birthday wishes to Joey as they left. "Excellent party, Witter," Drue said gleefully, patting him on the shoulder as he made for the sliding glass doorway. "This is probably the most fun I've had since moving to this shitty town."
Pacey scowled as he watched him walk inside the house.
While Joey stood with Dawson at the front door, an awkward silence hung in the air between them. "I bet you're sure glad you decided to show up," she said sarcastically.
"Sorry your party got ruined," Dawson replied. "But I guess it was your turn, huh? My sixteenth was certainly an embarrassing disaster, and I'm the one who ruined my own party. At least you're not to blame for what went on here."
She glanced at the wrapped present on the small table near the door, where she'd left Dawson's gift earlier. She reached for it and picked it up. "So, should I open your gift now?"
He shrugged. "Sure. It's honestly not much."
Joey tore the shiny paper, revealing a stack of CDs. "You're not re-gifting my own stuff you borrowed, are you?" she teased.
"No," Dawson laughed. "They're brand new."
"Coldplay, Everclear, Eve 6, Incubus, Smashing Pumpkins," she read off the album covers. They were indeed brand new.
"These were all released over the summer," he explained. "And I figured you might want to catch up on everything you missed out on while you were away."
Their eyes met and held for a moment, her stomach clenching into a knot of anxiety. There was something about the way he said the words. Did he mean more than just the music? "Um, thanks, Dawson."
"You're welcome. Happy birthday, Joey." And then he was gone.
She walked back out through the sliding glass doors. Those remaining were all working together quietly, barely speaking, an air of moroseness now hanging over the party. Jen, Jack, Andie, and Will were clearing off the picnic tables while Bessie and Bodie were helping Pacey and Gretchen gather up the gifts and cards. She soon followed them outside to help them load the trunk of Bodie's car with her gifts.
"Do you want to come home with us?" Bessie asked while Bodie got Alexander into his car seat.
She turned to watch her boyfriend and his sister disappear back inside the house. "No, Pacey will drive me home a little later."
When she returned inside, Joey stood in the sliding glass doorway and caught Pacey's eye, motioning for him to join her on the porch. "Show me your bedroom," she said, her throat tight with sympathy and sadness.
With a halfhearted smile, he took hold of her hand and they stepped inside the house. They moved through the living room and turned right when they reached the hallway. Then they climbed the stairs. His bedroom was at the far end of the hall, having given Gretchen the one closest to the bathroom. He threw open the door, flipped the light switch, and stepped aside, allowing Joey to enter the room first.
In silence, Joey took in the full-sized cherry bed and its accompanying furnishings. At the foot of his unmade bed, a weathered old travel trunk held a stack of his school textbooks and an unruly pile of papers. The room was painted a dark shade of blue, with white stripes on the wall opposite the bed. Two large windows flanked the room, one of them looking out over the backyard and Mill Pond beyond.
Her eyes took in the framed pictures he'd hung on the wall. There was a drawing of Dumbo, the one she knew her mother had done one year for Pacey's birthday. She smiled. There was a large framed collage of pictures taken during their summer vacation. Then her gaze fell on the painting of her mother on the beach in a red dress, one she'd done sophomore year and had sold at the Capeside Family Fun Fair. Her mouth fell open. He had been the one to buy it? But Jack had never said…
She looked at Pacey, her heart filling with love and affection for him. "It's peaceful in here," she said.
"Nothing like out there," he muttered as he sat on the edge of the bed and heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry about the party, Jo. I'm so sorry. I wanted tonight to be perfect, and… it was a nightmare. You deserved something so much better."
"Pacey, I loved my party. Other than the behavior of certain guests, which you had no control over, everything you did for me today was amazing. My surprises, the decorations, the food, the cake, my family and friends, everyone I love here…" She smiled sweetly. "Thank you."
"But leave it to my family to turn it into a train wreck. We're cursed, or I'm cursed—either one. My dad is right. I am a sinking ship, and you should get as far away from me as you can."
Joey shook her head and crossed the room to stand in front of him. "Don't you listen to a damn word he says, Pacey," she told him, her hands going to rest on his shoulders, sliding to his neck, her fingertips caressing his skin. "Nobody out there believed what he said—least of all me—and neither should you. So, don't you believe him. Not for a second. You are gonna get out of this town and prove him wrong. I know you will."
His hands grasped her hips. "What would I do without you, Josephine Potter?"
She wanted desperately to comfort him. So, Joey did what any impassioned, madly in love woman would do. She kissed him. She started by brushing her lips against his, once, twice, feeling his mouth soften under hers in response. For countless moments, it was the only movement between them: long, slow, gentle kisses, beneath which an inexorable desire began to build, part lust, part tenderness, fed with hunger for the taste of each other.
Even as her excitement grew, Joey knew there would be no fervent make out session between them tonight. Pacey was more exhausted than he would admit. Plus, several of their friends were still downstairs. She'd fulfil her own helpless need to lie alongside him and feel the warm, hard length of his body another night.
Tentatively, Pacey's hand tugged the tank top free of her jeans and crept beneath to rest on her bare skin with an unassuming, gentle pressure. His fingers caressed her in languid circles. "I love you," he whispered against her lips.
She smiled, her eyes sparkling. "I love you, too." Thoughts of her conversation with Jen came forward. "Will we get any alone time this weekend? You know, when I get out of work?"
"I have Will staying here all weekend," he said, his mouth curving into a frown. "I kinda have to entertain him."
"Oh." She couldn't help feeling disappointed.
"But you don't have work on Monday, Jo. And we both know I'm currently jobless. So, after school we can have the whole evening to ourselves. I'll tell Gretchen to scram or something." He grinned.
"Okay." Then she pouted. "I won't see you until Monday?"
Chuckling, his arms encircled her and pulled her closer. "Just can't get enough of me, huh, Potter?" He waggled his brows at her. "I have to say I'm excited you're eighteen now. Think about it: all my women have been older. Ms. Jacobs, definitely. Andie's older. You're older. I think it's safe to say I have a penchant for really smart, bossy, older women. I think this is my type."
She rolled her eyes and thrust her tongue in her cheek, fighting a smile. Then she gave him an affronted look. "I'm not bossy!"
"Anyway… I didn't say you couldn't see me this weekend, Jo. I just said we probably wouldn't be able to be alone. You're more than welcome to hang out with me and Will when you get out of work."
"I don't know," she sighed. "I wouldn't want to interrupt your boys' weekend."
"You wouldn't be interrupting. I invited Andie to go sailing with us. Is it weird that it kinda feels like I'm playing matchmaker for my ex-girlfriend?" he asked, and she laughed. "But seriously, Jo… you can hang out with us."
"Well, I have a ton of homework to do by Monday. I should probably get that done."
He nodded his understanding and stood up from the bed. Lustful thoughts then came unbidden to his mind and he grinned to himself. His conversation with Jen earlier also sprang to mind. "You know, Potter, the next best thing to being alone with me is thinking about being alone with me."
She smirked as she gazed up at him. "Yeah?"
"What if I were to give you… a homework assignment for the weekend? You know, once you finish your actual homework."
Her brows knitted, unsure as to what that could be. "Okay?"
He licked his lips and went for it. "Have you ever, uh, explored yourself? Especially now that you know what's waiting for you on the other side?" His girlfriend made a sort of squeaking noise, as if he'd said the most scandalous thing ever. Well, maybe he had. After all, this was Joey Potter. He doubted anyone had ever dared say such things to her before.
She giggled nervously, her cheeks instantly becoming hot, and she lowered her eyes from his direct gaze. She knew she must be crimson. "Um…"
Pacey dared. "This weekend," he whispered in Joey's ear. "When you get in bed at night, think of me and how you want me to touch you. Slide your hand between your legs and think of me." He pressed his thigh between her legs. It wasn't a lot, but she whimpered all the same. "Consider this your homework. I want you to touch yourself when you're all alone in your bed, thinking about me. Do you accept your assignment?"
Something visceral knotted in the pit of Joey's stomach. Desire fired up her blood. Her breasts felt heavy and there was a dragging ache between her legs. She gripped his shoulders, her breathing coming in rapid pants. Her mouth had gone dry and she had to swallow in order to speak. "Yes," she murmured.
"And someday," he continued to whisper. "If you let me, I'm going to take you to bed and kiss and touch and stroke and lick and suck until…"
Joey sagged against his thigh, wedged between her legs. "Until?"
He grinned, brushing his lips against her ear. "Until you scream. Until I'm completely yours and you're completely mine."
Pacey lifted his face to look at her. Joey met his gaze and held it with intensity. His blue eyes had darkened to the color of navy, and his pulse throbbed in his neck. His walls were down, or at least down enough that she could see the real him underneath all his defense mechanisms, the emotional and sexual man he was behind it all. Her eyes smoldered with desire, and as he watched, her lips parted in invitation. He dipped his head and kissed her passionately.