A/N: this chapter contains explicit sexual content
October 14. On Saturday afternoon after Pacey retrieved Joey from the yacht club, they headed down to the waterfront to grab a bite to eat. After finishing their meal, they decided to walk downtown. It was such a beautiful day, the mild fall weather bringing another Indian Summer to the Cape. While the weather was certainly enjoyable, it made Pacey bemoan the loss of the True Love even more. What he wouldn't give to be out there on the water, with his boat and his girl, soaking up the warm sun and the salty breeze. At times he felt stuck, trapped, as if he himself had been run aground.
"This town is sorely lacking in postmeridian activities," he told his girlfriend as they strolled away from the waterfront, her hand holding onto the crook in his arm while they walked.
"We could always do a Bonnie and Clyde," she suggested with a smirk.
"What, like hit a bank and go on the lam?"
She shrugged. "Well, it's a practical solution to two of our biggest problems: money and boredom."
He chuckled. "Yeah, that's good, actually. You know, we could get ourselves one of those big honkin' sedans. I can get myself a fedora. You can get yourself one of those Kodak box cameras. Then we just head out across the heartland. You know, thumb our nose at the authorities, stopping occasionally, I guess, to take cute pictures of the loving gangster couple."
Joey laughed as they came to a stop outside the record store. When she looked inside the window, she saw Dawson and Gretchen listening to music together. The sight somewhat surprised her. She knew they worked together at the Leery's restaurant, but when did they start socializing outside work?
"Do wanna burn some time spinning some discs?" Pacey asked, noting her sudden interest in the store.
"Oh, nah, not right now," she declined. "Come on." Then she led him away from the store window. Ideally, they could've walked right in there, ran into Dawson, and then the three of them would've just spent the rest of the afternoon together like old times. Things were different now. Since the storm, Pacey and Dawson had become much more civil. They actually politely acknowledged each other's presence when in school now, which was a vast improvement, but they were still far off from running into each other during social situations without awkwardness ensuing and even further from hanging out together on purpose. She hoped one day they'd be able to.
They continued walking, passing by small shops, eateries, and a grocery store, when they suddenly found themselves staring at Joey's wall. It still looked the same—a white canvas painted over a portion of the large brick wall, with "ASK ME TO STAY" painted in large red letters. They smiled when they stared up at it, memories coming back to them.
"So… Jo, when are you gonna start your mural?" he asked. "I mean, I can help. We can get some white paint, get rid of my desperate plea up there, and then you'll have a clean slate to create your masterpiece."
"You want me to paint over it?" Her brows knitted. She felt a twinge of sadness at the thought of getting rid of Pacey's hastily painted S.O.S.
"Well, if you want to paint your mural, you'll kinda have to, right?" he laughed.
"And… that doesn't bother you?" she wondered. Didn't he have a sentimental attachment to it like she did?
Pacey turned from the wall to glance at her. "I wouldn't say it bothers me. I mean, if it got painted over because some company wanted to advertise hemorrhoid cream? Sure, I might be bothered. But if it's because you're going to fill the wall with something extraordinarily beautiful… of course, not. Besides, you didn't ask me to stay, did you? We left."
Joey let out a breathy laugh. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
A little while later, while they were at the beach house watching TV in the living room, Gretchen walked through the sliding glass door carrying a poster. "Hey! You guys up for going to a rave tonight?"
"A rave?" Joey replied, eyes going wide with surprise.
"In Capeside?" Pacey scoffed.
His sister glanced down at the poster. "Well, I'm not exactly sure where it is, but it's somewhere around here. I gotta call some friends for the directions. So, you two wanna come with?"
They stared at her for a moment. "Us?" Pacey replied, gesturing between himself and his girlfriend. "We're not exactly rave people, Gretch."
"Seriously," Joey agreed.
"Oh, come on! Don't be a couple sticks in the mud."
The telephone rang. Pacey jumped off the couch and went to the kitchen to answer it. "Hello?"
"Hey, Pace."
"Hi, Jen. What's up?"
"Oh, not much. Is Joey there, by any chance?"
"Uh, yeah. Hold on."
He walked back into the living room. Joey smiled as she took the cordless phone from him. "Hey, Jen."
"Hi! So, uh, I managed to get Jack to change his mind about that workshop thing. It's on Monday after school, right? You and Pacey still going?"
"Um…" She glanced at her boyfriend. "Yeah. We're gonna check it out and see what it's like."
"Cool. OH! Did you hear? Andie got accepted to Harvard."
"Oh, my God! That's amazing." She turned to Pacey and smiled. "Andie got into Harvard."
He laughed to himself. "Of course, she did."
"Yeah, really great," Jen continued. "So, me and Jack and Andie are going out to this rave tonight to celebrate. Kinda random for Capeside, but Jack's actually super excited about it and he rarely gets excited about anything. You guys wanna go?"
"Well, we've just been discussing that very topic, actually. We might."
"Okay, well, I guess if I see you there, then… I see you there."
"Okay. Talk to you later, Jen."
After hanging up the phone, she turned to Pacey. "So, you wanna check out that rave?"
He gave her an amused look and then frowned. "Really, Jo?"
"It won't hurt to try something new, Pacey. Weren't you just saying earlier that there's nothing to do in this town? So, put on your best bowling shirt and take me out."
He chuckled, nodding his acquiescence. "All right, all right. We'll go out."
Later, while getting ready for said rave, Dawson showed up at the beach house, Gretchen apparently having invited him earlier. Pacey and Joey exchanged looks as they followed them out the back door. "Did you know my sister asked him to come?" he whispered.
"No, I didn't. I'm just as surprised as you are, Pace."
They watched Dawson and Gretchen get into the front seats of his SUV. Pacey walked around to the back. "It might not be so bad," Joey told him as he opened the door for her. If they were to start making gains at mending their friendships, socializing would have to happen at some point. Her boyfriend only hummed in response and then closed the door after she was in the back seat. They then drove outside the Capeside town limits, using Gretchen's directions to find the place.
"So, I thought you had to work," Gretchen said to Dawson.
He glanced in the rearview mirror at Pacey, their eyes meeting for a moment. "The restaurant wasn't busy and Bodie said I could take off. You know, between working part-time at both the video store and the restaurant, not to mention the pile of college applications I've yet to finish, I don't get a lot of opportunities to go out."
"Look at that, Pacey," Gretchen said in a teasing tone as she glanced over her shoulder. "Dawson has two jobs. Something to think about."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he grumbled in response.
"My little brother is in need of employment," she explained to Dawson, who didn't say anything in reply.
The more Gretchen and Dawson chatted nonstop, often laughing and teasing each other, the more Pacey and Joey threw each other bemused looks in the back seat. He found himself becoming increasingly annoyed. Why in the world was his sister hanging out with Dawson, of all people? What was even happening here? Whatever it was, he didn't like it.
It was after ten o'clock when they arrived at the secret location. People had begun arriving that morning and by the evening the rave was in full swing with over a thousand people in attendance. When they reached the entrance to the massive tent, it was no surprise to run into Drue Valentine. "Right on," he clapped in greeting. "You guys are so not the squares I thought you were." He eyed Gretchen up and down appreciatively. "Pacey's older sister. It's very nice to see you again."
"Too bad I can't say the same," she snarked.
"Ouch."
Joey laughed as Pacey stood behind her, hugging her around her waist. Just then Andie, Jack, and Jen approached. They took turns congratulating Andie on her Harvard news. "You did it," Pacey said as he gave her a hug. "Just like you always said you would."
"Wow, Potter, how cool are you?" Drue said. "You don't mind that hug lasted just a split second longer than the ex guidelines allow?"
Pacey threw him a baffled look as he pulled out of the hug, still holding onto Andie's hands. Joey couldn't help but feel a twinge of… something—she refused to use the word jealousy—when watching Pacey and Andie hugging rather tightly, but she wasn't about to allow Drue to get the best of her. She merely glared. Drue laughed and walked away.
"What is that guy's deal?" Gretchen asked.
"Did you ever meet Abby Morgan?" Dawson responded.
"Ugh, Abby Morgan," Pacey said as he took his girlfriend's hand and started walking. "I can't say I miss her at all, as horrible as that sounds."
"That's not horrible," Joey replied. "It's the truth. Not everyone who meets a tragic, untimely end is a good person who is missed by all." Then she squeezed his hand. "When we're inside, we're sticking to the buddy system. We're not leaving each other alone in that sea of people."
He smiled and squeezed her hand in return. "You know, I have to say I'm surprised at your enthusiasm over going to something like this, Potter. I mean, there's probably a never-ending flow of booze and drugs in there. You realize this?"
"Do you plan on doing drugs, Pace?" she teased.
"No, of course not. Do you?"
She laughed. "No. Are you gonna drink? Dawson's the designated driver, so you can go wild."
He scoffed, shaking his head. "And how long before the cops descend on this place, Jo? The last thing in the world I need is for my dad to find me at a rave, drunk, surrounded by people stoned out of their gourds. He'd throw my ass in the clink."
"Well, I'm not gonna drink either," she replied, still cringing over her behavior at Jen's unbirthday party.
"Probably a good idea, Jo," he said, looking up at the huge structure looming in front of them. "We don't know what kind of weirdos are in there. Well, we know Drue Valentine is in there, and that's reason enough to be on your guard."
She smiled up at him. "Is this you being protective, Pacey Witter?"
Glancing at her, he grinned. "Is that okay?"
"I like it," she shrugged, feeling herself blush.
They were soon passing through the massive entrance tent and approaching the building where the rave was being held—an abandoned warehouse that had been cleaned up and decorated for the occasion. Pacey and Joey had never been to a rave before. It was exactly like how they had imagined it would be. Loud. Colorful. Dark. With two giant guys in black trench coats guarding the doors. The building was filled to the brim with teens and young adults talking and walking and dancing.
After a few minutes, Joey went with Gretchen in search of a women's restroom and some drinks, leaving Pacey alone with his former best friend. They stood together somewhat awkwardly. "Not exactly our scene, huh?" Dawson then said conversationally, his tone friendly.
"No, it most certainly is not."
"I'm, uh, gonna go get a soda or something. You want anything?"
He blinked. Why was Dawson being so polite? Why was he in such a good mood? Was it because of Gretchen? "Um… no, I'm good. Thanks."
Pursing his lips, Dawson nodded and then walked off, leaving Pacey alone to observe the craziness around him. There was neon everywhere. Ravers wore neon necklaces and gripped neon glow sticks, brandishing them above their heads like batons. A sea of colorful bodies swirled together like shoals of tropical fish. Despite the flashing lights and all the glow sticks it was still dark out on the dance floor.
Twenty minutes passed, and all he'd done was wander through the surging dancers, trying not to make contact with anyone. The blaring electronic music was too fast, too wild for Pacey's taste. People danced to it as a reaction—there was nothing coordinated or rhythmic about their movements. He found it disorienting and exhausting. Walking out of the main dancing area, Pacey found a quieter section of the warehouse and a random floral couch to sit on.
Joey meandered around the snack table with Pacey's sister, checking out the offerings. She was honestly surprised to find platters of fresh fruit, half-expecting there to be nothing but an assortment of candy and other junk food. "I'm sorry about the Dawson-snafu," Gretchen told her. "But when I invited him, he said no. It didn't even occur to me that he'd end up changing his mind."
"That's okay," she replied, almost surprised at how unbothered she was by Dawson's presence in their little social group. "I'm kind of glad we all ended up together. I mean, accidental or not, things have been betting better, slowly."
"I'm glad to hear that. The three of you have so much history, and Dawson's such a nice guy."
"Minus that whole trying-to-seriously-injure-or-kill-your-younger-brother thing at the regatta six months ago, right?" Joey quipped.
Gretchen gave her a yikes look. "We all have our low points, I guess."
She watched Pacey's sister pick up a lollipop off the table. "Look, I know this is totally none of my business, but… you and Dawson… was this, like, supposed to be a date?"
Her eyes went wide and she laughed in disbelief. "A date? Where exactly did that come from?"
"Well, obviously you're aware of his incredibly infamous crush on you, and it's obvious that you two seem to be getting along really well and, you know, choosing to hang out together in social situations. So, I just thought…" She shrugged.
"First of all, that crush ended when he was like, twelve," Gretchen retorted. "Second of all, we're just friends."
"Okay, but he has a way of hanging onto things since he was, like, twelve, and although he outgrows them and in hindsight can look at them with the proper perspective, he doesn't really let them go. They're still in there, just waiting for the chance to come out again. It seems as though he really likes you, and so if he thought there was the slightest chance, then maybe…"
"You know what I think? If Dawson is waiting for some childhood crush to come around again, he's not waiting on me," Gretchen said pointedly.
Her stomach twisted and she frowned, before following Pacey's sister away from the snack table. "Do you honestly think that, Gretchen?"
The older girl smiled. "Joey, he's still far too hung up on this whole thing with you and Pacey to be even remotely interested in me, or anyone, right now. Trust me. However, if you were to suddenly become available again, I'm sure he'd be very interested in that change of events."
"Well, I really don't see that happening," she replied. "Me becoming available, I mean."
"Me neither," Gretchen said with a smile.
"And even if, God forbid, I did become available, it just would never happen with Dawson again. That ship has long since sailed." She couldn't even picture it. Just the thought was enough to make her cringe with embarrassment. Then she observed those dancing and walking around her, wearing what seemed like neon costumes instead of regular clothes. She glanced down at her jeans. "Do I look all right?"
Gretchen turned back to glance at her. "Yeah, you look great. Why?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think I fit in here with these people."
"The point of a rave isn't to fit in, really. It's to be your own individual self, no matter how weird or not weird that is, during a wild night of fun."
They were soon reunited with Dawson, who was standing off by himself watching the revelry. "Where's Pacey?" Joey asked him.
He shrugged. "I don't know. I left to get a drink and when I came back, he was gone."
She turned this way and that, hoping for any glimpse of her boyfriend, but couldn't see him anywhere. She highly doubted he was dancing. It dawned on her that he probably would've looked for an escape from the chaos. "I'm gonna go find him. You two have fun."
"Okay," Dawson said, smiling. "We'll meet up with you guys later."
After several minutes, Joey stepped through glittery steamers hanging in a large opening in the back wall to find another area where ravers stood around talking and drinking in the relative quiet compared to the nonstop thumping of the music emanating from the dance floor in the adjacent room. Sure enough, there was Pacey sitting alone on a couch in the middle of the large open space.
Joey walked up behind the couch and her hands on the back of it, Pacey turning to look at her. "You know, you're violating the sacred buddy system. No one ventures out alone, remember?"
"Well, you know, I would've stayed in there, but I was really too intimidated by all the intricate steps necessary to enjoy the most tuneless music known to man."
"I, too, felt a little out of place," she admitted as she walked around the couch to sit next to him. "You know, not having dressed in what could only be described as an homage to Japanese animation."
He snorted. "So, why are we here?" He wanted to be anywhere but here. They could've had the beach house all to themselves all night, and instead…
Joey gave him a look. "We're trying something new."
"Yeah," he conceded. "Which only really serves to let me know how much I enjoyed the old."
"Hmm. Me too, but I am glad we came. I mean, if nothing else, to witness the wasted youth of America firsthand."
"And it ain't pretty," he quipped while she shook her head in agreement. He gazed at her, thankful that they were at least together and he wasn't suffering this nonsense by himself. "But you, madame, most certainly are." He leaned over and kissed her.
She beamed at him, and then again wondered what was really bothering him. She knew he was bothered by Dawson and Gretchen hanging out, but maybe there was something else. "Remember how we used to play Barnacle for Your Thoughts?"
"Yes," he replied, remembering long days on the boat and the occasional lulls when both fell silent for a time, and the game they would play to spark conversation again.
"Well, I don't exactly have a barnacle on me, but I could offer you this lovely glow necklace." She held up a circular neon glow stick.
"Oh, which I would gladly accept," he said, taking it from her and putting it atop his head.
"Ah! It gives you that whole Caesar look again."
He shook his head while she laughed. "Wonderful."
"So, I did my part, and I think now you're supposed to tell me something deep and profound."
Pacey sighed and turned from her, thinking. "You wanna hear something deep and profound, huh?" He turned back to look at her. "I miss the True Love, Jo. I mean, right now, sitting under the stars, my arm around you." He lifted his arm and she snuggled against him as it came around her shoulder. "Let me tell ya, I miss True Love something fierce." There was nowhere in the world he'd rather be right now.
"I miss her too, Pacey."
He turned to look at her and they both frowned in sympathy. Then he lifted the glow necklace from his head and placed it on hers. "Your turn, Potter."
Joey hummed. "Well, I think I might've inadvertently been a little forceful when I quizzed Gretchen about her and Dawson."
"Really?" He didn't know what to make of that.
"Yes, unfortunately. I mean, your sister's social life is none of my business. The same goes for Dawson, actually."
He watched her mouth curve into a frown. "And I take it that bothers you?"
She snuggled closer. "Well, I admit it bothers me that we're still not friends, and I hate being on the outside. I mean, Dawson used to always tell me when there was a girl he liked—from his childhood fixation on Gretchen, to Meghan in middle school, to Jen when she first moved here, and every silly little crush in between. He'd always come and talk to me about that stuff. You know, I was his best friend, and now…" She heaved a sigh. "I guess it just sucks that I'm not really a part of his life and that I can only find out anything that might be going on with him by interrogating third parties."
"I'm sure Dawson will let you back into the inner circle sooner rather than later." Although he was fairly certain there was still only one girl his former best friend had his sights on, the thought of Dawson pursuing his sister made Pacey cringe. "So, are you saying he really does like Gretchen?"
"I don't know. It seems like he enjoys her company. I have no clue if he has romantic intentions or not at this point."
"Well, let's hope he doesn't. And anyway, my sister is smarter than that. She's twenty-one years old. Dawson is seventeen and still in high school. I mean, come on." He smirked at his girlfriend and went to reach for the glow necklace on her head. "I guess we're back to my turn, huh?"
Joey leaned back, blocking him from grabbing the necklace. "Um…"
He gazed at her. "Uh oh. You've got your 'we need to talk' face, Potter. I have nightmares about that face."
She pursed her lips, fighting a grin. "Shut up." She cleared her throat. "So, uh, you know how I asked you if you were free after school on Monday?"
"Yes," he said, smiling. "You said we were doing something but it was a surprise."
"While a surprise seemed funny at the time, I don't think keeping it a surprise is the best way to go on this one," she admitted.
"Um… okay…?" His interest was suddenly even more piqued.
Joey chewed on her lip while she played with her fingers in her lap. "You know how I went to the free clinic earlier this week?"
Pacey nodded. "Uh-huh. And I went last week. Clean bill of health, by the way. I am HIV-and-STD-free."
"Were you expecting anything different?"
"Well, no," he said with a laugh. "Anyway, you were saying…"
"Yeah." She turned to sit facing him. "So, um, the free clinic is having this adolescent sex ed workshop thing on Monday, and it's supposed to be good for couples to go. So, I thought… that maybe… we could go. Well, if you want to."
That was the last thing he'd ever expected. "Um… is that something you really wanna do, Jo?"
She smiled to herself, blushing. "With you, yes. I think Jen and Jack are gonna go, too."
"Well, as I think we already established I'm free on Monday afternoon, then I am at your service."
Her eyes went wide and she smiled. "You'll go? Really?"
Pacey leaned over and kissed her. "Yes, really."
"I'm glad you agreed, since I already signed us up," she joked.
"You know, it's probably not such a bad idea for you to practice putting condoms on bananas before we get to the real thing."
Joey blushed harder and playfully smacked him on the arm. Then she watched as people were leaving the space to head back into the rave. "Come on, let's rejoin the fun."
"I don't know if fun is the word I'd choose, Jo."
"Come on, Pace. Let's just go dance around for a bit and be silly for a change. Didn't you say that to me once? That it's good to look silly once in a while?"
He chuckled, remembering their pink cardboard 17th birthday crowns. "You remember that?"
She smirked and stood up from the couch. "You're not the only one who remembers everything."
Hand in hand, they walked back towards main room with the dance floor when they were suddenly accosted by Andie and Drue Valentine. "Oh, my God! Hi!" she exclaimed excitedly.
Pacey didn't know what to make of such a greeting. "Hi." After proclaiming her love for them, Andie pulled him into another tight hug. Something in the pit of his stomach tightened, a voice in the back of his mind telling him something wasn't right.
Then she made to hug Joey, but she stopped her. "Yeah, Andie, uh, I think you've done enough hugging tonight," she said, feeling like the way Andie was behaving with Pacey was borderline inappropriate.
"I just wanted to show you guys how much I love you both," Andie told them with perky enthusiasm. "You guys are so good together, and, Joey, you are so nice! Well, except for the time when you snuck around with Pacey behind Dawson's back. That was pretty low. But, really, who can blame you? I mean, it's Pacey." She gazed up at him adoringly. "I pretend not to care, but I have to admit, Pace, you are the love of my life, and I am so not over you. I don't think I'll ever get over you. I'll probably love you forever."
He had no idea what to say to that and couldn't even look at her. Joey kept glancing between them with a confused expression, not knowing where in the world this stuff was coming from.
"I hope it's okay that I said that," Andie continued. "I mean, we're all really good friends, so it's not like it's some big secret, right?"
"It's news to me, Andie," Joey replied, not liking where the conversation had led.
"You totally don't have to worry," Andie told her. "I mean, Pacey is so over me, and such the faithful type." Something twisted in the pit of his stomach again. "If only I had been—maybe we'd still be together," she concluded earnestly.
He eyed her carefully; something was definitely off. "Andie, are you feeling okay?"
She confessed she felt great and then went off bouncing with Drue, leaving him staring after them. "Well, that was minorly appalling," Joey remarked as she took him by the hand and they once again started heading for the dance floor.
They were soon surrounded once again by glow stick-waving ravers, electronic dance music blasting in their ears, but Pacey's mind was elsewhere. Joey noticed the look on his face and reached up to smooth his furrowed brow. "What's up?"
"I'm worried about Andie. Something's not right."
"Do you think she's been drinking?"
He shrugged, licking his lips. "I mean, I guess that's possible, but she knows she's not supposed to drink alcohol while on her meds."
She thought for a moment. "I think she drank a little bit at Jen's unbirthday party, but she wasn't behaving like that."
"Yeah, the way she was acting… I don't think that was alcohol-induced. It's…" He sighed and shook his head. "It's almost like she was manic."
Joey's eyes widened and she gulped. "You don't think she's stopped taking her medication, do you?"
"I hope not, but it's not like she hasn't done that before. It would definitely account for the extreme mood swing."
They soon laid eyes on Jack, who was surrounded by fit guys in tight neon shorts, their torsos painted in glitter, dancing his heart out. "I think our Jackers finally found his people," he quipped, and Joey laughed, but despite the distraction of the loud music and the interesting characters around them on the dance floor, the worry about Andie wouldn't go away.
Pacey soon learned the worry was entirely justified. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning, and he found himself standing with his friends, watching Andie being loaded onto an ambulance as she lay unconscious on a stretcher. Guilt plagued him the entire silent ride to the hospital, while they all sat in the waiting room, nervously anticipating any news on Andie's condition, when he chose to remain behind and stay while Joey, his sister, and Dawson went home, and even in the morning when he was able to talk to her and see firsthand that she was all right.
After the McPhees dropped him off at the beach house, he grabbed the phone from the kitchen, and feeling exhausted, collapsed on the couch and called Joey. Her sister's boyfriend answered the phone. "Potter Bed and Breakfast."
"Hey, Bodie. Is Jo there?"
"You mean she's not with you?"
"Uh… no, not right now."
Silence. "Well, Joey never came home last night, Pacey. We assumed she slept over at your place. Wasn't she with you and Gretchen? Didn't you guys go to some rave?"
What did Bodie mean Joey didn't come home? He bolted upright, suddenly wide awake. "Uh, yeah, we did. She was with us, but uh…" He knew she'd left the hospital with Dawson and his sister, and they'd been heading home. Was she with Dawson? Or had she crashed here with Gretchen?
Pacey stood up from the couch and started walking toward the staircase, telling Bodie about the rave to stall. He quickly climbed the stairs. Then he knocked on his sister's bedroom door before opening it a crack, peering inside. She was asleep in her bed. He quietly closed the door. He walked down the hall and glanced into his own bedroom. The bed was empty. Joey wasn't there. "I'm sure she's on her way home, then," he said. "Just have her call me later."
"Can't get enough of each other, huh?" Bodie teased.
He gave him a half-hearted laugh and hung up the phone. Inwardly groaning, he then dialed Dawson's phone number as he walked back downstairs. Mitch answered. "Hi, Mr. Leery."
"Pacey Witter! To what do I owe this distinct yet rare pleasure so early on a Sunday morning?"
"Um, did Dawson come home last night?"
"No, my son came home this morning."
Pacey glanced at the clock; it was almost eight. "How long ago?"
"Oh, about an hour ago. He immediately crashed upstairs."
"Was Joey with him?"
"Joey?" Mitch scoffed in surprise. "No, she wasn't. Is everything all right, Pacey?"
"Um… I hope so. Yeah, I'm sure… I'll, uh, see you in school, Mr. Leery."
After hanging up the phone, he paced around the living room, his stomach in knots. Where would Joey have gone, if not home? Was it possible she would've gone over to see Jen? The unease he felt starting to dissipate, he realized that was more than likely. Pacey trudged upstairs to his room and collapsed on his bed.
Full of mixed emotions, Joey watched Dawson walk up the dock to his house and disappear inside. She'd told him he didn't have to drive her home, that she'd just borrow his row boat like old times, but she found herself staring at Jen's house. Frowning, she walked back up the dock and was soon knocking on Mrs. Ryan's door. Just a few moments later, it opened.
"Josephine Potter! This early on a Sunday morning? You caught me getting ready for church. What can I do for you?"
"Is Jen up?"
"Oh, well, she's upstairs in her bedroom. I spoke with her earlier, but she might have gone back to sleep. From what I gather, she got home late last night."
"And some of us haven't even been home yet," she joked, laughing.
Mrs. Ryan pursed her lips in disapproval. "Did I see you over there with the Leery boy?"
Joey's smile faltered and her mouth became a thin line. "May I talk to Jen, please?"
"Sure, sweetheart. Just go on upstairs."
Rolling her eyes, she walked inside and kicked her shoes off by the door. Then she ascended the stairs to the second floor. When she reached Jen's bedroom door, she knocked lightly.
"Grams, I said I'm not hungry," spoke a muffled voice. "And no, I'm not going to church, so don't even ask."
Snorting, Joey opened the door and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. "It's just me." She watched the covers fly open, revealing Jen's face and surprised expression. "And I'm not hungry either, by the way. I'm stuffed to the gills from that stopover at Denny's." Her friend said nothing in reply, and she frowned. "How are you doing?"
Jen shook her head, tears filling her eyes. "Not good."
"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" Joey asked, crossing the floor and sitting down on the bed beside her.
"I had the pills," she said as she sat up. Jen sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Drue gave them to me, but I wasn't going to take them, I swear. Andie kept asking questions about them, about what it was like to take them, and she wanted to see what they looked like." She covered her face with her hands and groaned. "God, I feel so stupid, Joey. I should've seen right through it, but it honestly didn't cross my mind that Andie McPhee, of all people, would want to get high. She took the pills and wouldn't give them back and then swallowed one."
Joey chewed on her lip, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Jen. It's not your fault. I mean, Andie basically stole the pills from you. You didn't make her take them. She made her own choice, and unfortunately it was a bad one."
Fresh tears filled Jen's eyes. "Try telling Jack that. I mean, he hates me now."
"He had a bad scare, and I'm sure he's very angry right now, but… Jack could never hate you, Jen. He loves you."
"Yeah," she breathed.
Sighing, Joey slid back on the bed until she was sitting next to her friend. "You know, we kinda figured something was up with Andie. You should've seen the way she was acting with Pacey, and the stuff she was saying to us…" She shook her head, still annoyed at how uncomfortable she'd felt about the way Andie had been hanging all over her boyfriend. Even though Andie had been right—she had nothing to worry about—Joey couldn't help feeling a little threatened by her history with Pacey.
"Oh, God," Jen groaned. "I can only imagine."
"Yeah. Not good."
The two friends sat in comfortable silence for some minutes. "So, who'd you go to Denny's with?"
"Dawson."
"Really?"
Shoving her tongue in her cheek, she nodded. "Yeah. Pacey decided to stay at the hospital with Jack, and after we dropped Gretchen off, we decided to get something to eat." She pulled her legs up and hugged her knees. "It wasn't so bad, actually. There were moments when awkward silences ensued, I won't lie, but for the most part it was all right. At times it almost felt like things were back to normal, but…"
Jen eyed her. "But?"
"I don't know," Joey shrugged. "There were moments when it was obvious that Dawson is still… hurt… over everything. That he's still not over the fact I sailed away with Pacey for three months. That he hasn't really moved on as much as he appears."
"Huh."
"Yeah. But he also might like Gretchen."
Jen's brows knitted. "Wow. Seriously?"
"Yep. Well, kind of? Maybe? I'm not positive, but Pacey's not too happy about it, I can tell you that much."
"I'm sure he's not too happy with me either. I mean, I know how protective he is of Andie."
Joey frowned as memories came back to her. Andie sure had that whole damsel in distress thing down, and Pacey sure loved saving her time and time again. "He'll understand when I explain to him what really happened."
Jen threw over the covers and slid out of bed, walking over to her dresser. "Well, I can guarantee Jack won't. I think it's safe to say that whole sex ed workshop thing on Monday probably isn't in the cards for us. I'm sure that's out now."
"Well…" Disappointment welled up inside. "Even if Jack doesn't want to come, which I completely understand for a couple reasons, that doesn't mean you can't, Jen. I still want you to come with us, whether Jack goes or not."
"Yeah, but will Pacey want me there?" her friend asked, giving her a look of uncertainty. "After what happened last night?"
Joey got off the bed. "Look, Jen… Pacey isn't one to hold a grudge. If he was, we wouldn't even be dating," she joked, trying to lighten the mood. "But seriously, he'll be fine. Once he hears the whole story, he'll know you're not to blame for what Andie did."
Not long after, Jen offered to drive her home, promising Mrs. Ryan she'd be back in time for her to take the car to church. When she walked inside her house, Bessie immediately started yelling about her having spent all night with Pacey and not coming home at a decent hour, being reckless and irresponsible.
"Bessie, I told you that I'd be out all night."
"Well, I expected you to at least come home and sleep in your own bed. Or are you now much too occupied with Pacey's bed?"
"Frankly, that's none of your business. I am 18 years old, Bessie. I can do whatever I want with Pacey, and there's nothing you can do about it."
"Okay, young lady, you may be 18 and of age, but you know what? Pacey isn't."
Joey had no idea what to say to that. "For your information, Bessie, I was only with Pacey until three o'clock, when I left him in the hospital with Jack. Andie had… an episode, and she was rushed to the hospital. So, that's the kind of night I had, all right?"
"Well, if you haven't seen Pacey since three, where the hell have you been all night?"
"I was with Dawson!"
Her sister's demeanor instantly changed, the anger leaving her face, her posture. "Oh. So… you were with Dawson until…" She glanced at her watch.
"Until about seven o'clock, yes, and then I went over to talk to Jen for a few minutes."
"Okay, well… Just call us next time, Jo, and let us know if you're not going to be home at a decent hour. All right?"
Joey glared at her sister. "Why is it totally okay for me to have been with Dawson all night, but not Pacey? I mean, you didn't even ask what I was doing with Dawson. Meanwhile, every other day I get the third degree about what I'm doing with Pacey."
Bessie averted her gaze, turning her back and walking into the kitchen. "Jo, you know how much we like Pacey, and how much we appreciate everything he did to help us get the B&B off the ground, but…"
"But?" She followed her sister to the kitchen.
"Dawson is… well, Dawson is going places, Joey. He's getting out of this town and he's going to make something of himself. He's bound for some prestigious film school or another, right?"
"What does that have to do with Pacey?"
Turning her back again, Bessie approached the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. "Dawson isn't the type of guy who is going to hold you back in any way, or get you in any trouble. He's not a screw-up. He's driven. He has goals he wants to achieve. He has an incredible future laid out in front of him, just like you do."
"And Pacey doesn't, is that it?" Joey fumed.
Coffee mug in hand, Bessie turned and stared at her. "Do you honestly think Pacey is going to have the same success as you, or even close to it? Academically or professionally? That doesn't make him a bad person. Pacey is a lovely person, but you two are on completely different paths, and unfortunately there's a very good chance you'd talk yourself right into staying on the same path as him, which you'd only end up regretting later."
"That's completely unfair, Bessie! Pacey has tons of potential to do amazing things with his life. You just don't know him like I do."
"Maybe I don't, but don't you think there's a good chance he'll only squander that potential, just like he's squandered it all through high school?"
Joey shook her head, seething, unable to reply, the underlying truth to those words stabbing her like a thorn in her side.
"You know what I see when I look at you and Pacey?"
"No, what?"
"Mom and Dad."
She blinked, not having expected such a response. "What is that supposed to mean? Pacey is nothing like Dad, Bessie."
"You sure about that, Jo? Good-looking charmer, center of female attention, possessed of many talents, but a slacker with zero ambition to make his life better until it's too late. Obsessed with his high school sweetheart who gives up her dreams and opportunities because she's just as foolishly obsessed with him, but he only ends up ruining her life with his bad choices."
Clenching her jaw, Joey stormed out of the kitchen and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Lying on her bed, she stared up at the ceiling, her sister's words going around and around inside her head. Tears filled her eyes. Bessie was wrong, so wrong, and had been entirely too dismissive of Pacey. How could her sister possibly think he had no ambition? He wanted to get out of Capeside just as badly as she did. Everything Pacey had accomplished so far… the money, time, and energy spent into restoring his boat, and then achieving what he set out to do: sailing down to Key West, and all the hard work he'd been putting into improving his grades this year. She knew when Pacey set his mind to doing something, there was no stopping him.
Yet she couldn't help but realize that ever since he lost the True Love, Pacey's general outlook on life and the future had become rather gloomy. He had no real interests other than her. He hadn't even gotten a job yet, which honestly wasn't like him. They were supposed to take the SATs in less than two weeks, and she still wasn't sure whether he was actually going to take them. She wanted him to feel inspired and hopeful, just like he'd been all summer long.
Suddenly an idea sprang to mind, and she smiled to herself. Just then there was a knock on her bedroom door. Joey heaved a sigh and sat up. "Come in."
Bodie peeked his head in. "Pacey called earlier. He wants you to call him later."
"Okay." After the door shut, she lay back down, and feeling excited about her new plans, she fell asleep with a smile on her face.
October 16. Pacey walked out of school at quarter to three, skipping out on the last fifteen minutes of his final class, and met Joey and Jen in the parking lot. They climbed into the Witter wagon and were soon on the road to Hyannis. After arriving at the Planned Parenthood, they followed the signs to the sex education classroom. They were greeted by a woman holding a clipboard, who checked their names on a list, and then instructed them to take a seat at one of the tables.
A few other people were already inside the room, seated at rectangular tables. Pacey and Joey sat themselves at an empty table in the back of the classroom, Jen sitting down at the table directly next to them. Joey looked around the room. A large poster of a girl with a wide smile and giving the room two thumbs up looked down on them from the wall. A speech bubble next to her said: A condom is cheaper and easier than a child. She glanced at Pacey, and they locked eyes. He smirked, said, "Poster girl is right," and Joey laughed.
One of the chalkboards at the front of the classroom contained a large display of male and female genitalia drawn vividly in pink chalk, with Sex & Self-Esteem written in blue chalk above. Pacey looked over at Joey. "I think I have an idea for your mural."
She burst out laughing, the other students turning to look at her curiously as the instructor walked into the classroom. The woman looked to be in her mid to late thirties, very pretty, with almond-shaped eyes, smooth brown skin, and cropped short black hair. She introduced herself to the class as Janiece Dunlap, "but you can call me Niecy," she said with a smile. "I have a master's in sociology and I've been working with Planned Parenthood as a Health and Sexuality Educator for the past six years."
After introductions were made around the room, Joey learned that her classmates ranged in age from sixteen to twenty, and there were two other couples besides her and Pacey. To begin the class, Ms. Dunlap handed out a short questionnaire as an ice breaker. Joey looked over the ten questions, and then leaned into her boyfriend. "It's like that purity quiz we did at Chris Wolfe's house sophomore year, only not nearly as ridiculous," she murmured.
Pacey snorted, reading over the first few questions. With a frown, he wrote, "15" with his pencil in the blank line next to the second question. When the allotted ten minutes were up, the instructor had everyone read their questionnaires out loud to the class. Joey couldn't help but cringe slightly with embarrassment at the public display, but the small group wasn't so bad, and having both Pacey and Jen there with her helped put her more at ease.
"Okay, Sex and Self-Esteem," Ms. Dunlap then began one the ice breaker activity was done, clasping her hands together at the front of the classroom. "A number of studies have found a connection between self-esteem and teen sexuality. One study found that younger girls with low self-esteem are more likely to engage in sexual activity, while teen boys with low self-esteem were less likely to be sexually active. Boys with high self-esteem were two-and-a-half times more likely to initiate sex, while girls with high self-esteem are three times less likely to have sex."
"Adolescents with low self-esteem are also more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior once becoming sexually active, such as having sex without a condom, having multiple sexual partners, and having sex in exchange for drugs. Of course, there are always exceptions. Not all teens with low self-esteem will become sexually active at a young age. Conversely, high self-esteem doesn't guarantee anything either.
"Teens who have a strong sense of themselves and self-respect, who place a high value on themselves and their futures, are not immune to sexual urges. Having good self-esteem may help them to handle relationships in more mature ways. Teens who struggle with their own sense of self-worth may be prone to unwise decisions about sex. So, in today's session, we'll focus on healthy self-esteem when it comes to sex, and the factors that may have an impact, including implicit bias and attraction to the opposite or same sex."
Pacey and Joey glanced at each other and smiled while the instructor handed out packets. "You're attracted to me, right?" he whispered. She let out a breathy laugh. "Kinda," she teased, shrugging, before laughing again while he rolled his eyes.
"Now, why is self-esteem important?" Ms. Dunlap continued. "A young person with healthy self-esteem is more likely to have positive behavioral characteristics, like acting independent and mature, taking pride in their achievements, accepting frustration and dealing with it responsibly, trying new things and challenges, and helping others when possible. On the other hand, if low self-esteem is not treated, it can lead to problems such as: relationship troubles and difficulty making friends, negative moods, low motivation, poor body image, early sexual activity, drinking alcohol or taking drugs to feel better."
Feeling eyes on him, Pacey turned and met Jen's gaze. They gave each other sympathetic looks.
The instructor began moving about the tables. "What causes low self-esteem? How a person feels about themselves is a direct result of their experiences and how they deal with situations. Some causes of low self-esteem are: bullying and loneliness, anxiety, depression, unrealistic goals, friends who are bad influences, trauma or abuse, stressful life events like divorce or death." She returned up front and picked up a piece of white chalk and began writing. "But the most common cause of low self-esteem in teenagers is unsupportive parents, caregivers, or others that play an influential role in their life."
Pacey stared down at the tabletop, totally unsurprised at hearing such a thing. Joey reached beneath the table and squeezed his hand. His mouth curved into a slight smile, and he squeezed her hand in return.
"Now, what are the signs of low self-esteem?" Ms. Dunlap asked the class before turning back to the blackboard with her chalk. "Some general signs a teenager has low self-esteem are…"
Joey read the list off the blackboard, including "avoiding new things and opportunities" and "feeling unloved and unwanted" and "negative self-talk and comparisons to others," "fear of failure or embarrassment," and "low levels of motivation and interest." She frowned and glanced at Pacey.
He caught her gaze. "Hey, I tried that rave, didn't I?" he quipped. She gave him a half-smile.
"If you feel like anything that we've discussed so far is hitting pretty close to home," the instructor said, turning to face the class. "There are things you all can do to develop positive self-esteem, but it's also important to remember that teenage self-esteem develops and changes frequently over time. But one way to improve self-esteem and build confidence is to focus on your strengths, instead of weaknesses, and your talents, hard work, and effort, instead of accomplishments or the end results."
Again, Joey thought of her idea for the mural on her wall downtown, and smiled to herself, before returning rapt attention to Ms. Dunlap.
Over an hour later, Joey was walking through the crafts supplies store in downtown Capeside, heading for the paint section. Once she purchased the canvas drop cloths, primer, and stencils she needed to begin working, she stepped out onto the sidewalk and waited for her boyfriend. Pacey soon pulled up and helped her put her supplies into the back of the Witter wagon.
"So, how's Andie?" Joey asked as he pulled away from the curb.
"Grateful I delivered her homework," he answered. "She's all right, I guess. Embarrassed, doesn't wanna show her face in school."
She chewed on her lip, almost annoyed with herself for wanting to ask. "So, uh, did she say anything about the way she acted towards you at the rave? The stuff she said?"
He hesitated as he put his blinker on, making a right turn. "She apologized, but we didn't really get into it. Whether she really meant those things or not… there's nothing to do about it. It won't change anything. I just hate the thought of her being…"
"Hurt? Heartbroken and pining over you?"
"Yeah," he sighed. "Something like that."
"I know what you mean."
Pacey sighed again, knowing she meant Dawson. He also knew she'd bristled at the rapturous attention Andie had given him at the rave, but honestly didn't know what to do or say about it.
Joey glanced at him, remembering earlier how he'd been the only one at school who hadn't snubbed Jen, or stared and whispered as she walked down the hallway, how he'd made a point to be kind to her in front of everyone in the face of their cruel looks. Her heart swelled with admiration and affection for him. Then her fight with Bessie came unbidden to her mind, and anger bubbled in her gut. She was a firsthand witness to just how amazing a person Pacey was, and she knew he'd prove everyone who ever underestimated him wrong, including his own family.
They were soon pulling up in front of her wall. Having filled up a bucket with water, they carried it over. She glanced down at her skirt, admittedly not in proper clothes, but she didn't care. She was too excited to put off getting started. Using a mild soapy solution, together they began to clean the wall to prep it for the mural. Pausing for a moment, Joey watched Pacey scrub the dirt away from the old bricks.
"So, what did you think of the workshop today?" she asked.
"It was interesting," he replied. "Nothing too sexy, I have to admit."
"Well, not this week," she grinned. "I believe the condom-practicing is next session."
"Excited?" He waggled his eyebrows at her, and she snorted. "You planning on bringing any supplies from your birth control warehouse?"
Joey gasped, whirling, and threw a soapy sponge at him. He ducked, narrowly missing it, and laughed. They continued washing the wall in comfortable silence for some time. Again, she thought of their class earlier, and the circumstances that could lead to teenagers becoming sexualized too young. "You know, Pacey…?"
"Yeah?" he replied, glancing at her.
"You know that what happened with Ms. Jacobs wasn't your fault, right?"
Guilt twisted his insides. "I don't know about that, Jo. I was definitely the instigator, the aggressor. She only gave in after I wore her down."
She nodded, considering what he'd said. "I get that, but… you were a child, Pace. She was the adult. She was the one with the power to say no and prevent anything from going beyond a silly flirtation."
"I guess… well, I guess if you're love-and-attention-starved, you're desperate to get it anywhere you can get it."
"That doesn't excuse her actions, Pacey."
"I was talking about myself, Jo." He heaved a sigh. "Now more than ever, I wish it had never happened. I wish I had waited."
Unable to help it, insecurity and a twinge of jealousy welled up inside. "You mean, so your first time could've been with Andie? The way it was for her?"
Pacey then looked over at his girlfriend and considered her a moment. "No. Not with Andie."
Joey turned and their eyes met. They gazed at each other, a soft smile playing across his lips. Her heart filled with love and emotion. She could never find enough words to describe her devotion to him, and all that he made her feel.
"So, you coming over after this?" he asked, transitioning the conversation to something less heavy.
"Don't I always come over on Mondays since it's my night off from the yacht club?"
"Well, yeah…" He paused, feeling slightly nervous. "You know, uh, Gretchen's working at the restaurant tonight. She won't be home until late."
Blushing, Joey turned and gazed at him. "Working late, huh?"
He licked his lips and nodded, concentrating on scrubbing the wall in front of him. "Yep. We'll have lots of quiet time for more SAT prep."
"Ohh, SAT prep," she replied, feigning ignorance. "So, that's all you want to do later, Pacey?"
"Yep. Just hours and hours of SAT prep. You know, we, uh, didn't really get any studying done all weekend, Jo."
"Yeah, you're right. We didn't study at all. I guess we'll just have to rectify that tonight."
Their eyes met and held, and they grinned knowingly.
Once the last of the brick wall was cleaned, they stared up at it. "So, are you gonna paint the whole thing white next? Cover up my red scrawl up there? Have a clean slate before you start your mural? You'll probably have to, right?"
Joey gazed at him for a long moment. She didn't want a clean slate. She didn't ever want to erase anything of Pacey's from her life. The wall was hers, but it was his, too, and in her mind, it somehow represented both of them, their relationship, the history they were making together. "I'll think of something," she replied evasively. "But you won't be able to see it until it's finished, remember. It's going to be covered with drop cloth when I'm not working on it, so no peeking!"
He chuckled. "Okay, Jo, no peeking. I promise."
Later that evening, after enjoying a delicious homecooked meal and finishing their school assignments, they sat together in the living room, hunched over the SAT study guides spread out on the table in front of them. Staring down at a prep book, Joey sighed. She'd lost interest. Well, in studying, that is. She turned towards Pacey and stared at him.
Sensing her eyes on him, he looked at her. She slid back until she was leaning against the back of the couch. They gazed into each other's eyes, their intense look speaking what their minds and bodies were feeling. The sexual attraction between them was evident. "You don't wanna study anymore, do you?"
She shook her head. "Not at all."
Licking his lips, Pacey nodded and tossed his pen on the coffee table, before leaning back against the couch. Joey moved closer and pressed her mouth to his. It was a slow and gentle kiss at first, before quickly becoming deep and passionate. They soon broke the kiss, coming up for air. "You are so beautiful," he said softly, gazing into her lovely brown eyes.
"Thank you."
He wanted Joey so badly, that the hunger he had for her devoured him internally and it made him want to tear off her skirt. They had been together four months now and they were alone; it felt like the right time. The lust building inside him was drowning him. Pacey undressed her with his mind and what he saw was pure magnificence.
"I want you, Jo," he said frankly.
"I know," she murmured. "I want you, too, Pacey."
Sometimes he found it hard to believe, but the look in her eyes told him her words were true. He also could see she wasn't ready, not to go further than they had already. Not yet. Maybe that whole sex ed workshop thing of hers was actually a really good idea, maybe it was something she needed to help the anxiety she still felt about it, to help build her confidence.
Pacey reached out and pulled her closer into his arms. Joey climbed over him as he did so, straddling his lap, her skirt sliding up her thighs to bunch around her hips. His hands moved from her waist up her rib cage, moving to massage her breasts through the soft material of her shirt. Joey closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch. It felt good. She felt wanted.
Then she recaptured his lips with a passionate kiss. Joey sucked on his bottom lip, grinning as she felt something harden against her. She pulled away and gave him a sultry look. Her lust-filled eyes and parted mouth, swollen from his kisses, made Pacey's jeans feel even tighter than they did already. Joey looked down at his crotch and smirked, rocking her hips over him.
Pacey began panting for breath, and Joey smiled. She lowered her hand to cup his erection through his jeans. "You're so hard…" Hearing him groan in response only spurred her on. She began to slowly stroke his thick hardness up and down, feeling him throb through the fabric. She watched as Pacey's eyes closed and he moaned softly.
Joey kissed him again, teasing his lips with the tip of her tongue before he allowed her to enter. They continued to make out passionately while she rubbed him through his jeans. Pacey slid one hand up beneath her shirt to fondle her breast while the other reached underneath her skirt. He rubbed his thumb over a hardening nipple and reveled in her moans, loving how she responded to him. Then he rubbed her swollen clit through the damp fabric of her underwear, earning a gasp and that mewling sound he loved so much.
Their eyes met and Joey smiled before dipping her head and leaving a trail of kisses down his neck. The way Pacey groaned in response was music to her ears. She finally decided to stop teasing him. He let out a whimper when she stopped rubbing his erection, making her giggle, but then her hands were at the waistband of his jeans, unbuttoning them.
Pacey started breathing even heavier, his chest heaving with anticipation. He swallowed, staring down at her hand, expecting it to slip inside his pants and grasp hold of him. Sensing her pause, he looked up at her. "What?"
Joey gulped, feeling a little nervous. "Can I…?" Her face was hot, burning. "Can I take it out?" she whispered. "I want to see you."
He immediately felt himself blush, his stomach fluttering with nerves. His mouth went dry, and he had to swallow to find his voice. "Okay," he murmured, nodding his consent.
She bit her lip to try and stop herself from grinning like a fool. Joey looked him in the eye as she slowly took his zipper down, over the throbbing length that was begging to be freed. Breathing hard, he watched while she pulled his jeans down and then pulled him from his boxers, releasing his hardness and exposing it to her waiting grasp.
Joey couldn't breathe. She was so wet between her legs. So hot. Her skin was shrinking. Tension made her want to burst. Her gaze was drawn to the sight of his pulsing erection, even more intimidating than she'd imagined. She'd known he was big, but to actually see it in front of her… She measured him with her eyes, and the size of him made her mouth fall open.
"Is it… it is okay?" he asked quietly, not sure what to make of her reaction.
The earlier lessons on self-esteem suddenly came to mind. She smiled and gazed at him tenderly. "You're beautiful, Pacey." He truly was. His body was worth admiring and loving with everything she had—her hands, her lips, and the clench of her untested sex.
He hadn't expected to hear that, and he averted his eyes from hers, blushing, embarrassed. He stayed very still but for the quake of his muscles as Joey touched, at first with tentative, feather-light forays, then more boldly as her courage and confidence increased. Finally, he broke and slid his hand inside her panties, gathering her wetness and gliding his fingers over her sensitive clit. She moaned and rocked against his hand.
Joey again bent her head to kiss and suckle his neck while she jerked him off. All the while, Pacey continued to fondle her breasts and tease her nipples while gently rubbing her clit. Their moans filled the living room while they stroked each other.
She loved the way he felt in her hand. He was hot and strong and solid. It made her feel safe and secure, beautiful and desired, knowing she was the one who made Pacey's body react this way. Clear liquid began leaking out of the tip of the engorged head. A drop fell upon her finger, and impulsively, she put it to her mouth and licked it. His eyes suddenly were a brilliant blue that smoldered with heat. Sapphire fire.
"I wanted to see what you tasted like," Joey whispered.
He gulped, stunned. "And what do I taste like?" he asked huskily.
"Salt," she answered softly.
Pacey reached up to draw her face down to his and took her mouth passionately, using his tongue to arouse her to a fever pitch. Joey moaned as his hand moved between her legs, stroking her sensitive bud with his thumb while his thick middle finger slipped inside her. She shuddered as he slid in and out in small movements, allowing the pressure to build towards a powerful release. Her body coiled tight, and with a firm stroke of his fingers over her swollen clit, the tension burst and she finally came, crying out in ecstasy.
Her hand clenched tighter around his rigid length, stroking him faster. When her mouth returned to his neck, kissing and licking his skin, it was enough to send Pacey over the edge, and he moaned into her shoulder, the milky-white warmth of his orgasm spilling all over her hand. Although his brain was a heady fog of pleasure, he blindly swung his arm out and grabbed the tissue box off the side table. Smiling at his consideration, Joey retrieved a tissue and wiped her hand. Then her arms were around his shoulders and they were kissing and holding each other tightly, whispering words of love and other sweet nothings.
Later that night, while Joey lay awake in her own bedroom, staring up at the ceiling, she decided not to care about what Bessie said. She didn't care about what anyone said. She didn't care about what anyone thought. No one understood Pacey like she did, and no one knew the depth of their love and commitment except for themselves. Whatever direction life took them, she knew she'd be with Pacey. Wherever she ended up going to college, she knew he'd go with her. She knew without a doubt that he loved her too much to allow anything to get in the way of her dreams and aspirations. He was practically her very own cheerleader. She knew he'd never let her give up on her future. And she knew they would never, ever be parted.