A/N: this chapter contains some sexually explicit language
October 23. Sitting at their table in the back of the classroom on Monday afternoon, Pacey and Joey watched as Ms. Dunlap walked about the room setting a banana and several condoms down on each table. They glanced over at Jen as a banana was set in front of her, who turned and gave them an amused look. Suddenly the room became electric. People sat up in their seats, their rapt attention given. Their instructor moved to the front of the classroom and stood facing them with a ripe banana dangling in her left hand, the words "Sexual Decision-Making" and "Sexual Empowerment" written in chalk on the blackboard behind her.
"Now, I'm sure you hear people tell you all the time that you should wear a condom—including myself—but they never actually tell you how to put one on," Ms. Dunlap said to the class. "If you have no idea how to use a condom, have no fear. You're not alone, and these are skills anyone can develop. All it takes is some time and practice. So, that's what we're going to do today. If someone doesn't have the dexterity and intelligence to put a condom on correctly, then should they really be having sex? Knowledge comes first."
Then she set the banana down on her desk and held up a wrapped condom. "Be sure not to use a condom that has been lying around a long time. Condoms with spermicide last for two years, others can last for five. Also, don't use a condom that's been exposed too long to direct sunlight or heat. Guys, if you are going to keep a condom in your wallet, be aware that your body heat will have an affect on it if kept in your wallet for a long time. It will break down. Condoms are best stored in a cool, dark place, like a cabinet or a drawer."
The pit of Joey's stomach fluttered as she watched their instructor open the wrapper and remove the rubber. Her eyes lowered to the banana and condoms on the table between her and Pacey, and her face grew hot. Part of her wanted to run from the room to escape the embarrassment she suddenly felt.
"Hold it in your hand like this and put it over the tip of the penis," Ms. Dunlap continued, holding the rubber circle over the end of the banana. "Pull down and make sure it rolls down evenly as far as it will go, pinch the tip to remove any air bubbles, and that's it. Piece of cake. Now it's your turn. You can work together with your partner, but I'd like everyone to try doing it by themselves."
Pacey and Joey turned to each other and locked eyes as they heard the giggles belonging to some of the others in the classroom. She chewed her lip, hesitating. He could see she was slightly uncomfortable and gave her an understanding smile. "How about I go first?" he suggested.
"Well, between the two of us, you're the one who actually knows what they're doing," she joked, trying make light of the embarrassing situation.
"You will, too," he said kindly.
She then watched her boyfriend artfully perform the task seemingly as easy as Ms. Dunlap had. "Ta-daa!" he announced with slightly over-the-top enthusiasm, holding up the covered banana, and she couldn't help but laugh. Her heart filled with appreciation for him, at his ability to put her more at ease. "Your turn, Potter." Pacey unrolled the condom and handed the piece of fruit over.
Joey tentatively took the banana from his hand. When she picked up a wrapped condom, she found she was suddenly battling against a wave of fresh panic. What if she did it wrong? What if it broke? Was she even ready for this? Why did she feel afraid? Everyone else in the room was doing it without too much trouble, including Jen, who apparently had been just as efficient with the task as Pacey. Was it truly even fear that she felt? Or was it just awkward? She wasn't sure. Again, the desire to just run away rose up inside her, but she forced it down. If she didn't learn how to put her hand on Pacey's knee, unzip his fly, and roll a condom down onto his banana, then she never would. She'd just stay this pathetic, deer-in-the-headlights person forever. That's not at all what she wanted.
Then there she was, unwrapping a condom and rolling it down the shaft of the banana, pinching the tip, and feeling generally mortified, but she was glad she did it. Pacey gave her a smile and a casual shrug. "See? Nothing to it," he said.
As Ms. Dunlap circled the room observing the class, she mentioned facts and details about various contraceptives, and reminded them that, "you are never to use the same condom twice."
They exchanged mildly disgusted looks before descending into laughter, which they quickly suppressed. Less than an hour later, they were walking out of Planned Parenthood. In Joey's mind, she replaced the banana with the real thing, and wondered just how simple it would be in a situation when one wasn't dealing with an inanimate object. Her face burned and she chewed her lip. Then she looked over at Pacey and smiled.
She thought of his calm demeanor in class, the way he tried his best to put her at ease, the way he went first with the banana and took his time to show her the correct way before she attempted it herself. Was there truly a better partner, better teacher, better friend than Pacey? She remembered that cold March morning when he'd kissed her by the side of the road, and that fateful Spring Break spent at Aunt Gwen's house. She remembered feeling happy and scared and confused and aroused, not knowing until those moments it was even possible to feel at that at once. She'd been scared for so long—scared of love, of sex, of life, of growing up, of the future. In many ways, those things still scared her, but as Joey reached over and took hold of Pacey's hand, feeling his strong grip surround her palm protectively, she realized she wasn't nearly as scared as she used to be.
Early on Saturday morning, Pacey arrived at the Potter B&B to start his weekend of shadowing Bodie before he took over the cook job full-time. They worked together in the kitchen, fixing a hot breakfast for the B&B guests to be served promptly at eight o'clock, or at least as close to it as possible. He was flipping pancakes onto a platter when Joey's sister walked into the kitchen.
"Good morning," she said to him.
"Good morning, Bessie," he replied hesitantly, still unsure as to whether his presence was actually welcomed there or not. "There's a pot of fresh coffee on the counter."
"Thanks." After retrieving a mug from the cupboard, she poured herself a cup.
While he stirred the scrambled eggs, he could feel her eyes on him. "Uh, are you sure it's okay that I'm here, Bessie?" he asked.
"Well, both Bodie and Joey say you're the man for the job," she said.
He turned to face her, briefly glancing at Bodie. "Regardless of whatever cooking skills I may have, is it cool that I'm here? I don't want there to be… uh, you know, I don't really have the desire to be somewhere I'm not wanted, so I just don't want there to be problems."
She took another sip of her coffee before responding. "I honestly don't mind, Pacey. Besides, the more time you spend here at the B&B, then the more time Joey will be here."
"And all the more you'll get to keep an eye on us, right?" He smirked, knowing he'd hit the nail on the head.
Bessie's eyes narrowed and she cleared her throat. Ignoring his remark, she turned to Bodie. "I'm gonna go take a shower," she said before kissing him on the cheek and walking out of the kitchen.
"Don't mind her," Bodie then told him. "She's feeling a lot of things right now."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, as much as she's rooting for Joey to get out of Capeside and go see the great wide world out there, she's also dreading it. Bessie wants her to go, but hates the thought of her leaving. Sometimes you wish your kids would just stay kids forever, that they wouldn't have to grow up and leave you, but at the same time you want them to mature into responsible, well-rounded adults. With both their parents out of the picture, just how well Joey turns out has fallen on Bessie's shoulders, and believe me, sometimes it keeps her awake at night. She worries a lot."
"The Potter sisters have that in common, among other things."
Bodie chuckled. "Very true." He grabbed two small plates and forked some pancakes off the platter. After spreading some butter and drizzling maple syrup on both small stacks, he handed a plate to Pacey. "Okay, let's taste these pancakes of yours. They look good, but a chef should always taste his own food before serving it to others."
Pacey cut his pancakes with the side of his fork, but then hesitated as he watched Bodie dig in and take a bite. The man chewed with an appreciative grunt. "Very good," he said, and Pacey's insides swelled at the approval. "Better than Bessie's," he continued with a lowered voice.
Snorting, Pacey took his own bite of the syrupy-laden goodness, nodding in agreement. Just then Joey walked into the kitchen. Quickly setting his plate down, he smiled as she came closer and kissed him on the cheek. "Good morning," she said as she put her arms around him, pulling him into a hug.
"Good morning, Jo." He squeezed her and kissed her temple.
She pulled out of the embrace and greeted Bodie as she retrieved a mug from the cupboard. After pouring herself a cup of coffee, she took a sip. "Mmm! This tastes as good as it smells."
"Would you like some pancakes to go with that?" Pacey asked. "My pancakes are delicious, I must say. I have a secret ingredient—so secret that even I don't know what it is."
Joey and Bodie laughed. "I'd love to have some pancakes," she replied just as several B&B guests started appearing. They were soon seated around the dining table.
A little while later, while Bessie and Bodie were at the kitchen sink washing up the breakfast dishes, Joey emerged from her bedroom dressed in her work uniform. "Ready to go?" Pacey asked, dangling his car keys.
It wasn't long before they were pulling up in front of the yacht club. "Bessie said she was going to pick you up later," he told her.
"Okay. So, what are you gonna do today?" Joey asked.
"Well, I've got to get back to the B&B to work on lunch with Bodie, and then I'm taking Buzz fishing this afternoon. I'll have to be at the B&B to cook dinner, but first I'll be making a stop at that used bookstore on the other side of town, the one next to that weird apothecary."
"Oh, the bookstore, huh?" she replied with a teasing smile.
He grinned back. "Yep. The search is still on. The store downtown didn't really have a good enough selection."
"I already found mine, I'm happy to say." She leaned over and kissed him. "Say hi to Buzz for me."
Pacey watched her walk away from the car. Just as she pulled open the door to the club, she turned and looked at him, mouthing the words, "I love you" before disappearing inside. Smiling, he pulled away from the curb and headed back to the Potter's house. Just before noon, some of the B&B's guests returned carrying several bags, clearly having spent their morning downtown at Capeside's shops.
"I hope you're all hungry," he said as they came through the door. "I've cooked up some hamburgers for lunch."
"Oh, they smell so good," Mrs. Cutler remarked as she handed a shopping bag over to her husband. "I'm starving."
When lunch was over, Pacey sat in the backyard and stared out at the creek, lost in thought. The urge to just go over to the Leery's and see Dawson welled up inside him, bringing the unfortunate realization of just how much he was starting to miss his erstwhile best friend. In an ideal world, he'd be taking Dawson along on his fishing excursion with Buzz. More than ever, he wished he could just talk to him like he used to. He loved Joey, and knew she was always there to talk to, but she worried enough about the future without adding his worries and doubts to the pile.
He heard the back door open and he turned to see Bodie carrying Alexander outside. "Lunch was a hit," the man told him as he sat down in the wooden lawn chair beside him. "Mr. Cutler had two burgers."
"Thanks. Glad to hear it."
Bodie eyed him for a moment. "So… what are you sitting out here thinking about?"
"The SATs."
"Ah. Yeah, Joey's been thinking about that, too. She said it takes about three weeks to get the results back."
"I'm sure Jo got a fantastic score."
Bodie nodded in agreement. "I'm sure she did. And you?"
Pacey scoffed and leaned back in the chair. "Well, seeing as how I only finished half of it, I doubt it. It doesn't matter anyway. College isn't in my future."
"Then what do you see in your future?"
He could only think of Joey, but the thought of admitting to Bodie that she was only thing he had going for him seemed pathetic. "I don't know."
"You know, I didn't take the SATs," Bodie told him.
"You didn't?" Pacey looked at him in confusion. "But I thought you went to community college."
"I did. Right here at CCC. Most community colleges don't require the SAT. Also, culinary programs in general don't require an SAT score and they typically have a one hundred percent acceptance rate."
Pacey stared, blinking, while Alexander fidgeted with a stuffed elephant in Bodie's arms. "You went to a culinary program here in Capeside?"
Smiling, Bodie nodded. "I did. Well, while there still was one. CCC got rid of it a while ago due to fewer and fewer applicants each year, but you'll find there's plenty of other community colleges with culinary programs out there to choose from. They're a lot cheaper than the big schools' prices. They're also typically accelerated. A university can stretch out the program over four years, but you could complete your education and get a decent job in the field within a year or two by going to community college or a trade school."
Gazing out at the creek, something like hope rose inside Pacey's chest. The door to the future was suddenly wide open, and the light pouring through it was almost blinding. The future was now bright with possibilities. He could choose for himself who to be, what to be, what to do, and he knew that he had a much better chance at holding onto Joey if he actually did something with his life and made something of himself. The future was opening up and promising more. A future spent with the woman he loved. He wanted to be able to support her, take care of her, give her a good life. He had to do something with himself, and this was the one thing he truly enjoyed doing.
But who was he to think culinary school would make a difference, that who he was or what he did mattered? That it would ever matter? Pacey shoved back the unwelcome voice in his head. It always sounded in his father's voice, telling him that he didn't matter, that he was no use, that he would never amount to anything. He'd been bringing home A's and B's all semester. He'd restored a boat almost from scratch, and sailed it all the way to Key West and back with success. He'd earned the love and trust of a phenomenal woman, a goddess among humans. None of it silenced the voice.
"You know, I took one of those career aptitude tests, and the school's college advisor informed me that the top profession best suited to my career personality was law enforcement," Pacey said.
"You're kidding." Bodie stared at him as if dumbfounded.
"Oh, I wish I was. But, you know, my dad and Doug will be thrilled. It's the longstanding Witter family tradition. Becoming a cop is probably the one and only thing I could possibly do with my life that they'd actually be proud of, and even then, I'm not so sure."
"Pacey, I have the distinct feeling you'd be miserable doing that job."
He glanced at his watch. "Yeah. Me too. Well, I gotta go pick up Buzz. Thanks for helping breakfast and lunch go off without a hitch. I'll be back later." Heaving a sigh, Pacey stood up and made his way over to the Witter wagon parked in the drive.
November 4. As the ending credits rolled on Charlie's Angels, Joey left the theater with Jen and Jack, tossing her empty soda cup and bag of popcorn into a trash can on their way out. Upon leaving the Rialto, they walked down the street to Connie's Diner. They seated themselves at a Formica table and menus were put in front of them. After a couple minutes, their waitress appeared again and they ordered.
"So…" Jack began, before taking a sip of his root beer. "Tell me all about that workshop you guys went to. It ended this week, right?"
"Yes, we had the last session on Monday," Jen answered.
"And how did that go?"
Joey smirked as she locked eyes with Jen across the table. "It wasn't as… entertaining… as the condom-and-banana demonstration." Jack started laughing. "But it was still kinda fun. It was all about consent and communication, and we did some role playing."
"Sounds kinky," he joked.
"Not really the kind of role playing you're implying," Jen replied, throwing him a look. "It wasn't that exciting."
"So, do you ladies feel more empowered? More knowledgeable?"
Tearing the paper wrapper from around her straw, Joey thought for a moment and smiled. "Yeah, I should say so. I'm glad I went," she said, and Jen agreed.
Jack then cleared his throat. "Good. So, there is something we need to discuss." The girls eyed him curiously. "Do you recall the interesting addition to yesterday's morning announcements?"
Joey grinned and nodded. "The senior trip."
"For your information, Jack, I don't ski," Jen said.
"Ahh, come on. There's more to do at a resort than ski."
"I don't snowboard either. In fact, I think we can safely rule out all outdoor sports, and indoor, while we're at it."
"Same here, Jack," agreed Joey. "Why plan a trip in the middle of winter, anyway? Unless you do ski or snowboard, then there's really nothing to do except hang out inside the lodge and drink hot chocolate. Not exactly what I'd call a scintillating vacation."
He shook his head in disapproval. "Well, I'm sorry that not all of us had a scintillating summer spent sailing to Key West, Josephine." She laughed at his pompous tone and unamused look. "It's a weekend away from Capeside. Who cares what the destination is? Or whether it's in February or April? And I'm sure there's more to do there. I bet there's hot tubs," he concluded, waggling his eyebrows at them.
"You know what?" Joey said, giving him a sarcastic smile. "I'm sold. I can't wait to share a hot tub with people from our school. Not only do I have to put up with the braindead morons in our class every day, I now get to go to a ski resort with them. Thrilling."
"Don't you wanna share a hot tub with Pacey?" Jack challenged, dramatically lifting his glass and sipping soda through his straw without taking his eyes off her.
Unable to help herself, Joey blushed furiously. She then shot him a sarcastic look. "I really don't think me and Pacey are hot tub people."
"I'm pretty sure Pacey would make a hot tub exception where you're concerned."
Willing herself to stop blushing and failing abysmally, Joey refused to meet his eye and pushed her straw into her chocolate milkshake.
"December first is the deadline to sign up, so think about it." Jack then stood up from the table, excusing himself to go find a bathroom before their food arrived. Once he was out of earshot, she looked across the table at Jen. "Since we have a moment to ourselves, I wanted to inform you that I've made a very important decision, one that I'm not gonna go back on. It's officially settled."
"What's settled?" her friend asked with an amused smile.
"I'm going to have sex with Pacey."
"Joey, I thought you already said you wanted to, like, months ago."
"True, I said I wanted to, but hadn't come to any solid, concrete decision as to the when part. It's been decided."
"What, do you have a date circled in your calendar or something?" Jen teased.
She rolled her eyes while her friend giggled. "Shut up. I mean, I would right now, but… well, Bessie kind of made a good point recently, and so I think I'm going to take that into consideration. She rightly pointed out that Pacey is still a minor, and I'm not."
"Oh, come on, Joey. You're only a few months older. It's not like you're Ms. Jacobs in this scenario."
"Still…" She frowned. That comment from Bessie had been slowly eating away at her for weeks. The things Ms. Dunlap had discussed in the workshop about consent and building healthy relationships had also been weighing on her mind. "Anyway, I've decided that when Pacey turns 18, we'll do it."
"That's gonna be one hell of a birthday present."
Jack then suddenly reappeared. "Whose birthday present?" he questioned as he sat down.
The girls gazed at each other. "Uh… um, well…" Jen stammered. Joey then spoke up. "It's Pacey's 18th birthday in a couple months."
"Oh, what are you gonna get him?"
Jen resolutely stared down at the table while Joey thrust her tongue in her cheek, her face growing hot. "I… uh… I don't know yet. I've already got my Christmas gift planned, but…" Her eyes briefly flickered over to Jen. "You got any ideas?"
"Well, you know him a lot better than I do, Joey. Is there any possible way to salvage the True Love?"
She frowned. "I wish."
"So, what's that boyfriend of yours up to tonight, anyway?" Jack asked. "Since seeing Cameron Diaz in tight leather outfits on the big screen wasn't enough to entice him to come out with us?"
Joey glanced at her watch; it was after eight o'clock. "Let's see… it's Saturday night… He's probably at home watching Cops."
Jen gave her a look of disbelief. "Cops? Really? He'd rather watch trash TV than spend a night out on the town with us fine people?"
"Apparently. Last night, we watched World's Wildest Police Videos. And did you know that he's going on a ride along with Doug tomorrow?"
"You're kidding," Jen said, while Jack merely grinned and busied himself with his drink. "He's voluntarily spending the whole day at work with Doug?"
"I get to spend my Sunday morning with Drue Valentine," Jack interjected. "I think I'd rather hang with Doug, to be honest."
Joey's eyes went wide. "With Drue? Why?"
He shrugged casually. "We've got a physics project to work on together. I think I'm gonna make him do most of the work. You know, it'll be a karma thing for what he did to Jen and my sister."
"Well, I'm with you there. I think I'd rather be in Doug's company than Drue's any day." She tucked her hair behind her ears and rested her arms on the table. "You know, ever since Pacey got the law enforcement result on that stupid career aptitude test, he's been weirdly interested. Can you guys honestly see him enforcing the law? Pulling people over? Giving them traffic tickets? Because I sure can't."
Neither could her friends. "Pacey's more likely to end up sitting in the back of a cop car instead of the front," Jack quipped.
"Ugh, please don't say that," Joey replied with a groan. "I've had enough run-ins with the law to last me a lifetime. Let's hope this interest Pacey suddenly has in police work is just a short-lived phase."
Shortly after, the waitress arrived with their plates of food, and the three friends eagerly dug in, talking and laughing well into the evening.
Late on Monday night, Joey sat in her truck, parked along the waterfront close to downtown. She gazed out at the nearby woods. They were cloaked in darkness. Then suddenly she saw the beam of a flashlight, and soon after, Pacey and Dawson emerged from the dark. Shovels were held over their shoulders as they walked side by side. They glanced at each other, their mouths curving into a slight smile. Raw emotion welled up inside her at the sight, and she swallowed against the lump tightening her throat.
Choking back her tears, she unlocked the doors while the boys set their tools down in the back of the truck. When the doors opened, she positioned herself in the middle seat. Pacey got behind the wheel while Dawson buckled his seatbelt on her other side. She couldn't help but smile as they drove away, heading for the beach house. Although the drive was quiet, the awkwardness that surely would've pervaded it mere weeks ago wasn't there. The silence was comfortable, something she wouldn't have imagined possible.
Once they arrived, she walked Pacey to the back door and out of Dawson's sight. Standing on the back porch, she wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled deviously up at him and licked her lips intentionally. He raised an eyebrow and grinned lustfully. A giggle escaped her as he bent his head and ran his lips up her throat to her jaw. "Does this have anything to do with a certain note that may have been left in your locker this afternoon, Miss Potter?" he murmured in her ear. "You haven't yet mentioned it, and I think it's at least worth a discussion."
"Whatever do you mean, Pacey Witter?" she asked, feigning ignorance, although a flush crept up her neck into her face and her toes curled as memory of the note filled her mind.
"Mm-hmm."
Her mouth opened slightly as she anticipated his kiss, and he captured her lips with his. They held each other tightly and kissed passionately. Then she went and put her hands in his hair, but gentled the kiss at the same time. He melted into her and showed her how much he loved her. His hands came up and cradled her face. Pacey didn't intensify anything, didn't try to arouse or enflame. The love in his kiss was tangible and almost overwhelming.
Joey pulled back breathlessly and gazed at him. His blue eyes sparkled. She reached up and cupped his cheek. "I don't know how you do it, but I can actually feel how much you love me when you kiss me like that."
He smiled slowly. "Today was a good day. Yesterday was, too. Surprising, since I spent almost the entire day with Deputy Doug."
"It was a good day," she agreed, smiling back at him. He looked happy. "Did, uh… did working together with Dawson to pull that prank on Drue have anything to do with it?"
Pacey let out a breathy laugh and stared at his feet. "Uh, maybe. Yeah, I think so." Then he met her gaze, smiled, and placed the keys in her hand. "Speaking of whom… you better get back to the truck or the guy's bound to think we're screwing on the couch and have forgotten all about him out there."
Rolling her eyes, she snorted. "Kiss me goodnight." He chuckled and kissed her. "I love you," she said simply as he stepped inside the house.
"I love you, too, Jo. I'll see you in the morning. Now go put Dawson's mind at ease." Pacey grinned at her as he closed the door.
Shaking her head, Joey walked off the back porch and around the side of the house to the truck. It wasn't long before she was pulling into the Leery's driveway. After parking the truck, she slightly turned to face her friend. "So, did you have fun with Pacey?" she asked.
Dawson cleared his throat and stared down at his lap. "Uh… yeah, I did. We really pulled it off. Karma, gotta love it."
"And the pact you guys made in the ninth grade was kept."
"Feels good to say that about at least one pact we made," he replied.
Joey frowned and felt a twinge of guilt. "You know, we should do this more often… the three of us."
Dawson finally looked over at her. "What, pull pranks on Drue?"
"No, silly," she laughed. "I mean, hang out. You know, spend time together. When the three of us were riding in the truck tonight, it just felt…" She sighed and tucked her hair behind an ear. "It felt like all was right with the world again, like, this is how things are supposed to be. Me and Pacey… we miss you. The three of us—we mean too much to each other, Dawson, to let our final year in Capeside go by like this. We should be making the most of it with the people we care about the most. And… I mean, let's be honest with ourselves, Dawson. Who can stay mad at Pacey Witter for long? Even all those years when I tried my damnedest, it was impossible." She gave an awkward laugh.
"It would mean a lot to you if Pacey and I became friends again, wouldn't it?" he asked quietly, staring out the windshield.
It was impossible for her to stop the tears now welling up in her eyes. Her throat constricted. She let out a shaky breath and he turned to look at her. "It would mean the world to me, Dawson," she said tearfully, her voice thick with emotion.
He sighed and unbuckled his seatbelt. "I think I need to figure out whether me and you can become real friends again first, before I can give serious consideration to the three of us hanging out like old times. I would like to believe that it's possible, though. I hope you can understand, Joey."
"I do," she breathed, staring down at her hands while she played with her fingers. "I do." Then she changed the subject. "So, Dawson, now that you've pulled off the ultimate senior prank, what are your thoughts on the senior trip?"
"The ski trip? I don't know. Uh… well, I know Jack really wants to go. I'm sure he'll be able to talk Jen into it. I don't know if I'm interested. I mean, it could be fun to get out of Capeside for a couple days. I guess it depends…"
She eyed him while he paused. "Depends on what?"
He huffed and glanced out the car window at his house. "Well, I guess it depends on whether you and Pacey are gonna go."
"Well, me and Pacey aren't exactly what you'd call 'joiners,'" she said. "I'm pretty sure he spent the majority of his time at that rave sitting on a couch by himself." Dawson chuckled. "We haven't really talked about it yet. I've thought about it. I mean, we might go, and if we do, you should come. It could be fun."
"Honestly, Jo, if you and Pacey are going, then I'm probably gonna skip."
"Why, Dawson?" she laughed, her brows knitting. "The trip's not until February. I would hope that by then things between us will at least improved to the point we can be in a social setting two days in a row surrounded by our classmates."
He hesitated to answer and was quiet for a moment. "Joey, I know what happens on the senior trip. I especially know why couples go on the senior trip. Everyone does. It's all innocent fun and skiing and hot chocolate by the fireplace during the day, and then by night it just turns into one big…" He heaved a sigh and looked at her. "It's true there once was a time when I looked forward to going on the senior trip with you, but things are different now. Going on the senior trip with you and Pacey will just make it all the more apparent just how much has changed, and… well, I'd just rather not be an eyewitness, that's all. That would not be fun for me. I'm sure you understand what I'm saying."
She could feel her heart sinking within her. Was this about sex again? "Um…" He looked at her as if he was hoping she'd contradict him, that she'd assure him there was no possible way she and Pacey were one of those couples who go on the senior ski trip to take advantage of the private cabins and lack of parental supervision. She shrugged helplessly. "Yeah. I get it."
"Well, goodnight," he said while opening the truck door. "Thanks for the ride."
"Goodnight, Dawson."
Later, while Joey lay on her bed and stared up at her ceiling, a thousand thoughts swirled inside her head. She thought of school and of her college applications. The essay Bessie had agreed to write for her. She thought of the mural on her wall downtown, coming along nicely, and couldn't wait to unveil it to Pacey. She thought of Jen and Jack and their outing to the movies on Saturday night. The upcoming senior trip, and Dawson's reasons for avoiding it.
Watching her and her boyfriend spend a romantic weekend together probably wasn't on Dawson's list of things to experience before the end of senior year. The trip was going to be almost a month after Pacey's birthday, and it was logical to conclude they'd be having sex by then. A weekend trip at a ski lodge with log cabins, crackling fireplaces, and, not to mention, hot tubs, might make that fact obvious to anyone paying attention to them, and Dawson would certainly be paying attention if he were present.
Suddenly the thought of a weekend away with Pacey didn't seem so bad, despite also having to attend with the rest of their class. He wasn't one to socialize with the masses, but she knew he'd jump at any chance to escape Capeside, even if it was just for the weekend. Her thoughts then turned to where life would lead them after high school. The future was hazy and stretched out unknown before them. More than anything, she wanted Pacey to come to some sort of direction for his life. To plan for something, anything. The way he'd just given up on the SATs still rankled. The way he refused to even apply to college, any college. That he'd write off the possibility without even trying.
He just needed to get away from his family and surround himself with better people, Joey thought. If he could just get away from his parents, away from this town… Soon. Soon, he would. The school year was almost half over. She longed for the day when Pacey's support system was beyond incredible. His life held a sea of promises, if only he could see it, and she clung to the hope that one day he'd be at peace with his life and happier than he'd ever been.
She closed her eyes now, and abandoned herself to delicious thoughts of him, of the devoted heart that she sometimes swore she could feel beating against her own. Her mind ran through his witty conversations, tender looks, warm smiles, soft kisses. She lingered on their earlier kiss on his back porch. One of the bright spots in her life were Pacey's kisses. Whatever his faults were, he sure knew how to use his mouth.
Joey's eyes popped open as she remembered the note tucked away in her jeans. The memory of finding it in her locker earlier that afternoon made her face flush hot. Standing there in the hallway with other students walking around behind her, it was all she could do to act normal and not make a sound when she'd first read it. She arched her hips slightly off the bed and pulled it from her back pocket. Biting down on her lip, butterflies coming alive in the pit of her stomach, she opened the note, again recognizing the familiar handwriting, and began to read.
"I want to taste you, all of you. In my dreams, that's all I do all day long. I want to kiss you. I want to kiss your breasts. I want to taste your nipples until you can't take anymore. I want to kiss your belly. I want to kiss the inside of your thighs. Your skin is so soft and so warm. You are so beautiful. I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you. I want to taste you. I want to lick your pussy. I want to suck your little clit. I want to fuck you with my tongue. I want to feel you come against my mouth. I want to taste it. I want you. I love you."
Her cheeks were burning red. She felt hot all over. Waiting for Pacey's eighteenth birthday might prove more difficult than she'd anticipated. The note was an unabashed message of pure desire that curled her toes. His words were honest. Heartfelt and erotic and outrageous. It was a very Pacey thing to do—but it was so much more. Despite all they'd weathered over the past five months, and all the uncertainty and stress of the unknown future, everything about his love for her was reassuring and strong, making hope and possibility burst from somewhere deep inside her.
November 10. On Friday afternoon, Pacey walked away from his locker, feeling giddy and grinning ear to ear, butterflies of anticipation coming alive in his gut. As he turned a corner, he laid eyes on the college advisor's office and came to a halt. Joey's note was momentarily forgotten and the butterflies formed a tight knot. He'd been debating all week whether he should stop in and see Ms. Watson. He moved closer and hovered outside the door, still uncertain, but thoughts of his brother and Joey and Bodie and the past couple weeks spent cooking at the B&B suddenly made the decision easier.
He bit the bullet and stepped inside the college advisor's office. There were neat stacks of folders and piles of papers on the desk—organized chaos. Ms. Watson was standing in front of a metal cabinet and sorting through files, the skirt she wore revealing her surprisingly long, trim legs. He'd only ever seen her sitting behind her large desk. "Oh, hello, Pacey," the advisor greeted when she turned to see him come through her door. "I wasn't expecting to see you back in my office."
He stared, pursing his lips, and nodded. "I'm sure you weren't."
Ms. Watson closed the cabinet, opened another, and began skimming over the contents. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded." She pulled out a file. "Come on over and sit down."
Pacey narrowed his eyes and then sat down in the hard, wooden chair across from Ms. Watson's desk. He watched her flip open the file and glance over the papers in front of her.
"So, have you given anymore thought to your result on the career aptitude test?" she asked.
"Um…" He had, if only for the briefest of moments. "I kinda toyed with the idea of law enforcement, but I know that's not the job for me. There's actually something else I have in mind, something I really enjoy doing and I'm good at it and… but it was only recently that I gave it serious consideration." Thoughts of his ride along with Doug came to mind, what his older brother had told him the following day.
"Pacey, I think that you're a daring original. I think you have a talent for flying in the face of conventionality, and I think that you were born to break the rules, not enforce them. And you know what? I actually admire that in you. I really do."
Words he hadn't expected to ever hear from Doug. For the first time, he thought it was actually possible to choose cooking as a profession and have his older brother's support. He believed that Doug wouldn't laugh him right out of the room, that he wouldn't think him weak and pathetic for wanting to be in a kitchen instead of a police car. His dad was another matter, but he'd cross that road when he got to it.
"So, what have you set your sights on?"
"Culinary school," he said confidently.
Ms. Watson gave him a look of surprise and then a big smile spread across her face. "That's great, Pacey! Culinary school is a wonderful foundation to an incredible career path." She excitedly stood up from the desk and walked back over to her filing cabinets, quickly returning with a thick folder.
"Now, some of the best culinary schools are in New York and California, but Massachusetts has some great programs," she told him, opening the folder. It was full of brochures and papers that looked like applications. "Let's narrow down what would be best for you. Do you want to stay in Massachusetts or are you wanting or willing to go out of state?"
"It honestly depends on where Joey decides to go," he said. "Wherever she goes, that's where I plan to be."
"Joey Potter?" Ms. Watson's eyebrows shot up. "You mean… you two…?"
"Yep."
"Okay, well… not that I should tell you this, and I'm willing to bet you already know, but she's narrowed her focus on northeastern universities. Like I said, Massachusetts has some really good programs, but you'll also find some decent ones in Vermont and New Hampshire. And of course, New York City, it goes without saying."
Ms. Watson then pulled a brochure from the file. "The Cambridge School of Culinary Arts," she read off the cover. "It's a great school. The Professional Chef's Program is only thirty-seven weeks, from September through June, and you'd be able to land a great job after you finish. The school isn't technically a college, so there's no degree, but it offers a certificate of completion. As I'm sure you know, Cambridge is a short distance from downtown Boston, so you'll have access to the amazing dining experiences the city has to offer."
Pacey smiled as she handed the brochure over to him. He started to flip through it. It sounded good, that is if Joey ended up going to a school in Boston. His eyes then fell on the tuition section of the brochure. His eyes went wide and he gulped. "Tuition is twenty-five thousand dollars?"
"When you count up the application fee, books, materials and equipment you'll need, you're probably going to spend close to thirty."
"For just thirty-seven weeks and no actual degree? Thirty grand?" He was shocked.
"It's expensive, to be sure. How is your family's financial situation?"
Pacey heaved a sigh and closed the brochure. "I've got some money in savings, but not…"
Ms. Watson gave him an indulgent smile. "What about your parents?"
"I would rather get hit by a bus engulfed in flames than ask my father for money."
She nodded slowly. "Okay… well, then your best bet is going to be community college. I'm going to level with you. Some of the best culinary programs are found in community colleges. No lie. There are quite a few in Massachusetts. I can think of a couple off the top of my head that could give the ritzier, pricier schools a run for their money. If you attend a college here in the state, since you're a resident tuition is really affordable—just a fifth of what you'd spend on the Cambridge school's program. Plus, you'll earn a degree, with the opportunity to pursue further education in hospitality management or even transfer to one of those New York schools for your bachelor's."
Flipping through the folder, Ms. Watson pulled out a few community college applications and laid them on the desk in front of him. "I can help you fill them out?" she offered kindly.
His stomach fluttering with nerves, thoughts of Joey and their future swirling inside his mind, a future that now seemed brighter than ever, Pacey reached out and grasped hold of an application.