There's a dull look in Kazuma's eyes when he returns home from speaking with Seishirou Jigoku. The rest of him is perfectly polished; shoulders straight and head held high, but his eyes are dead and empty.
Susato has seen him this way only once before. She brews him a cup of tea.
They sit quietly in her room, clutching the cups and not making eye contact. Normally, she wouldn't even dream of letting a man into her room, especially not her brother, but there's no space in the air for teasing. He hasn't spoken a word since he arrived, and judging by his lack of acknowledgment to the few questions she's dared pose, it will be some time before this changes.
She's glad her father isn't around tonight. Kazuma is only willing to show her his wounds when they're alone, because she will patch him up without telling anyone else. She knows he's grateful to Yuujin Mikotoba for taking him in, but Susato watched Kazuma's trust in him die the moment he learned that Genshin Asougi did not die of illness.
Normally, bitter tea is comforting. Right now, it makes her feel cold.
Finally, so soft that she almost doesn't hear it, Kazuma says, "The study tour." She looks to him, wincing at the sight of his shaking hands, and pries his tea from his grip so that the cup doesn't spill or shatter. He doesn't protest at all.
"What about the tour?" Susato asks gently. She rests his tea atop the kotatsu, and after a moment, places her own there as well. He needs her full attention, and she doesn't feel like drinking it anymore anyway. "What did Jigoku-san say?"
Kazuma clenches his fists until they turn white. "It's absolutely vital for Japan to arrange a study tour in London as soon as possible. Jigoku-san believes I'm an exemplary candidate for the task."
He doesn't continue, but the air doesn't hold the same defeated silence as before; as though he's trying to get the words out, but can't pull them out of his throat. So, Susato prompts, "You wouldn't be so downtrodden were that all he said. What's the caveat?"
"The study tour is not just about a student experiencing the greatest legal system in the world first hand. They are also being sent as an assassin," Kazuma murmurs. Susato holds her breath, waiting for a punchline that will never come, as he continues, "I cannot go to Great Britain without agreeing to kill a man."
She bites down on the inside of her lip. This is not a lie, joke, or exaggeration. But even so, it sounds entirely unbelievable. It sounds like something out of a bad dream. Her lips move to ask a question she knows the answer to. "Jigoku-san… said that?"
Kazuma nods, very slowly, and she tastes bile in her mouth. "If I decline, another student will take my place. After all, Great Britain has already sent a student assassin of their own in exchange. And of course, I am forbidden to speak of this to anyone."
He doesn't say that should he try to inform anyone, he'll be put in a madhouse. He doesn't have to. Susato moves close to him and puts a hand on his wrist. She murmurs, "What did you tell him?"
"I told him I would think about it," Kazuma replies. He looks up from the floor and meets her eyes, his whole self haunted from the inside out. "But I already know my answer."
And Kazuma is sitting here in the depths of despair, spilling his guts in a dark room, because he is going to kill someone in order to get to London. Because he swore he would do anything to learn the truth about his father's death. Passion for the legal system, for practicing law on the other side of the ocean was important, of course, but it always came second to his need for closure.
So, Susato says, "I'll help you."
At dawn's first light, Kazuma goes directly to Jigoku's office to accept his terms for the study tour, with a condition of his own; that he be allowed to bring a judicial assistant with him. Mercifully, Jigoku agrees, because Susato was not a fan of Kazuma's contingency plan — smuggling her aboard in his suitcase — and it makes everything else that much easier.
Convincing her father is a much more monumental task. Susato knows he's simply protective of his only daughter, but that doesn't stop frustration from leaking into her arguments. Eventually, though, with a Susato Takedown and Kazuma's assurance that he would protect her at any cost, her father agrees.
They all know that Susato will actually be the one protecting Kazuma, but her father is in the dark about the lengths she is willing to go to for him.
For the next several months, they plan for their voyage to Great Britain. Time and time again, Kazuma insists that he has no plans to go through with this assassination, that he's placating Jigoku so that he can learn the truth about his father, but Susato knows better. Susato knows his grief and agony won't be put to rest before they can bury someone else.
By day, Kazuma attends classes, laughs, and procures British law books. By night, he cries himself raw in his room as he studies effective methods of hiding a body. They both pretend that Susato cannot hear him breaking into pieces on the other side of the shoji screen, if only because the first time she tried to comfort him, he turned her away.
Susato steals her father's medical notes and forces herself to read every grisly detail of the autopsies he oversaw in London, then copies everything down meticulously so she can reference them later. She has to be useful somehow. She won't let Kazuma suffer the burden alone.
Three days after her sixteenth birthday, Kazuma's best friend is accused of murdering Professor John H. Wilson.
She's unsurprised that by the time she's heard about the incident, Kazuma has already decided to take on the defence himself, both because no seasoned lawyer would accept this case, and because Kazuma would pull stars from the sky if his friend asked him to.
(Privately, she suspects they're a little more than friends, considering how much Kazuma raves about Ryuunosuke Naruhodou, and frequently calls him 'partner', but it's not proper for her to ask him such a thing, so she does not.)
Her father isn't exactly pleased with Kazuma's decision. Not because he doubts Naruhodou's innocence, but because if Kazuma fails, his study tour will be cancelled. This hits Kazuma hard, to the point that she can see generational agony blooming in his eyes, but he doesn't waver. Something she's always liked about Kazuma is his resolve; he commits to every choice he makes.
One day, she will have it in herself to have the same strength. For now, she'll dedicate herself to being the best judicial assistant she can.
"I believe in Ryuunosuke," he says plainly, his hand coming to rest on Karuma's hilt, "I will represent him in court, and I will prove him innocent. Besides, it's a lawyer's job to believe in their client until the very end."
Her father can't stop him. It would be different if the two were truly parent and child, but while Kazuma and Susato had quickly become like siblings, Kazuma could never see Yuujin Mikotoba as his father.
Alone in her room, Kazuma whispers, "I know who the true culprit is, as well. That will be instrumental in court."
"How on earth do you know that?" Susato asks. She moves closer to him, so that on the off chance that her father is eavesdropping, he won't be able to make out their words.
Kazuma replies, "You remember that this is an assassination exchange, yes? Professor Wilson was the target of the British assassin. I'll find a way to pin her down… or at least use her existence to show that Ryuunosuke is innocent."
Susato swallows. She wasn't aware that Kazuma knew who the other assassin or target was. He hadn't even told her who his target was, merely letting on that it was a Scotland Yard inspector. Instead, however, she focuses on something else he said. "She? The other assassin is a woman?"
"Ah, yes. Do you remember Brett-san, from the university laboratory?" Kazuma asks.
She grimaces at the thought, but nods. Jezaille Brett is not a person she is even remotely fond of, and having to see her every time she visits Haori is a trial all its own. But still, a murderer? Brett having a foul personality doesn't mean she was capable of taking a life.
Then again, she and Kazuma will soon have blood on their hands. It's about personal conviction. About resolve.
"I know you'll ensure justice is served," is all Susato says in the end. She's gotten used to keeping many of her thoughts to herself.
Kazuma smiles at her. "Thank you. Though on that topic, there is something I must ask of you. I hope things won't come to this, but there is a chance I will need Brett-san's research notes tomorrow."
Susato blinks. "Why? I know her thesis is on deadly poisons, but Professor Wilson was shot. That's what my father told me."
"It's only intuition," Kazuma admits, "But I would prefer to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it."
Susato nods. It's a reasonable conclusion, and it's not like she hasn't already become a thief. Considering how often she comes to the lab to see Haori, and who her father is, she'll be let inside without a problem. The inside of her chest feels hollow as she realizes how easy it will be; the only thing holding her back is herself.
So, she says, "Okay. I promised I would help you."
Kazuma smiles, and for a moment, everything manages to feel completely worth it.
When the trial begins, her father takes a seat in the gallery, while she sneaks out of the courthouse. It's a long way to Imperial Yumei University, but she's made the trek from further before, and it's imperative that she obtains Brett's research notes on time.
She's out of breath when she arrives, thanks to her quick pace, so Haori fusses over her until she sits down and rests for a few minutes. Haori's trust in her is constant and implicit, so betraying it aches like a rotten tooth.
Once she's sufficiently rested — or rather, her breathing returns to normal, as Susato hasn't slept well in months, and fears she never will again — she follows Haori around the lab like a puppy. Haori loves it, and suspects nothing at all. She's a good person, a better person than Susato could ever be, and it's so easy to smile at her.
It's even easier to slip Brett's research into the sleeve of her kimono.
Susato and Kazuma depart Japan at the tail end of December. It's bitterly cold outdoors, and not much better aboard, but she supposes it will be worse in Great Britain, as it's further north. She should take the time to harden herself for the inclement weather ahead.
The voyage on the SS Burya will last fifty days. Susato has never been at sea before, and the constant bumping and swaying of the ship makes her feel rather ill, but she must get used to it. She must not be useless. Kazuma asked her to come with him because he said he needed her, and it's true that she's there to protect him, but what else can she truly do?
Besides, of course, steal.
She carefully wedges herself in the corner of her room. The business class rooms are cramped and distinctly unenjoyable, so she has to find a way to make the best of it. Kazuma had tried to arrange for her to stay in the other first class room, but apparently, it was reserved by a passenger boarding at the next port.
It's fine. She must learn the inner strength she'll need in London. With their limited stipend, any lodgings they have will be of a similar calibre anyways. And as long as she stands at Kazuma's side, she'll find a way to keep going. That's what family does.
Two weeks into the voyage, the unthinkable happens.
The greatest detective in the world pronounces her brother dead before her very eyes, and a stowaway tumbles out of Kazuma's wardrobe. Ryuunosuke Naruhodou lies in a heap on the floor, as she realizes that in the end, Kazuma didn't entirely trust her. Not enough to tell her that he'd smuggled along his best friend.
It's enough to make her scream until her lungs burn out.
(When all is solved and put to rest, Naruhodou says that he'll take on Kazuma's mission and will in his stead. The sparkle in his eyes makes the light in her own die; evidently, Kazuma didn't trust Naruhodou with all his secrets either.
She gives him Karuma anyway. The katana is not for her to yield.)
"Is he truly prepared to take on Kazuma Asougi's will?"
Lord Strongheart's office is intimidating by itself, and the man himself is worse. Susato can't bring herself to meet his eyes; too afraid of being mysteriously struck down by lightning, despite being indoors.
She says, "No, my lord. Mr. Naruhodou doesn't know the truth of his mission, and it would be cruel to force it upon him. He is a good soul through and through."
"And what about you?" he asks, curious. She can practically taste the venom dripping from his lips, but forces herself to hold her bones together.
"I am— I was Kazuma Asougi's judicial assistant," Susato says, praying that her voice doesn't waver, "He told me everything, except the name of the Scotland Yard inspector in question."
And that, for reasons unknown to her, he wanted Naruhodou by his side as well. Perhaps merely because he was a friend (or more), but she doesn't know for sure. She'll never know for sure, because her brother is gone.
Strongheart smiles so threateningly that she wants to vomit right here, right now. "Then perhaps you will have the resolve to finish the job in his place. You are looking for Inspector Tobias Gregson… I believe you have already met him."
Susato nods, ignoring the bile rising up in her throat. It was hard enough for her to conceive of killing a stranger, let alone an acquaintance. But what choice does she have? At least it will allow Naruhodou to stay in London and learn about the legal system. To complete a normal study tour.
(She's called back to Japan before she can muster the courage to steal anyone's life, and while she regrets not being able to assist Naruhodou, it's a mercy.)
"It was Kazuma-sama's wish that you follow him to Great Britain and work alongside him," Susato says.
Naruhodou looks away, clearly still lacking self-confidence. "Yes. I mean, I never had the chance to ask him exactly why, but… he clearly had a plan."
He isn't wrong, not entirely. But she has no idea what on earth Naruhodou would think if he ever learned the truth. So, she says, "And you're doing wonderfully, Naruhodou-san! I've no doubt Kazuma-sama would say exactly the same if he were here with us."
A smile flickers on Naruhodou's face, and she finds it in herself to mirror him, despite how tired she is. She hasn't slept properly since Kazuma came home and told her of his mission, not even during the night at the fancy hotel. But she's so good at composing herself that nobody has suspected anything from her. Not even her father has noticed a change from her.
When Susato was a child, she was a terrible liar. The few times she tried, it would easily be seen right through. Besides, it wasn't proper for a lady like her to spread falsities.
Now, lying is as easy as breathing, and like everyone else, Naruhodou is none the wiser.
It isn't a coincidence that Tobias Gregson is murdered a mere eight days after Kazuma miraculously returns to her life and regains his memories, nor is it one that Kazuma is asked to prosecute his trial. She tries to meet his eyes, to silently ask if he went through with his promise to Jigoku after all, but he doesn't look at her.
At least, he doesn't look at her until the truth of the assassin exchange is revealed in court. In that moment, their gaze meets, and she recognizes the silent promise in his eyes. That he won't tell anyone about her involvement.
One more secret, in return for revealing every other one, is fair. Perhaps one day, outside the Old Bailey, outside Great Britain, she'll be comfortable enough to admit her own guilt.
But today is not that day. Today is the day that Seishirou Jigoku and Mael Strongheart finally pay for their crimes of both now and ten years past.
To see the spark in Kazuma's eyes once more is enough, even if the rest of him looks tired and defeated. After all, she's exactly the same.