December 1. On Friday at lunch, Pacey and Joey walked over to the long table against the back wall of the cafeteria, Jen and Jack following them. A poster displayed on the table advertised the upcoming senior trip in February. Today was the deadline to sign up. Barbara Johns greeted their approach with a smug look of thinly-veiled disapproval.
"Hi, there, Barbara," Pacey said with a sarcastic smile. "We're signing up for the senior trip." He nodded at Joey.
"Boys and girls are not allowed to room together, Pacey," she said with a sneer, shooting a judgmental glance at his girlfriend. "Just so you know."
"We know," Joey replied acidly.
"Should I put you both on the list of those who still need roommates or do you already have one lined up?" Barbara snitted.
Jen and Jack leaned around Joey to show themselves at the table. "That's us," she said. "The roommates," he added.
Barbara glared at Jack. "You can't room with another guy."
"Why the hell not?" he demanded. "Are you saying I should room with a girl? Is Mr. Kasdan really going to allow that?"
She scowled and tapped her pen against the clipboard in front of her, hesitating as if unsure how to answer.
"Would it help if I promised to keep my hands to myself?" Pacey asked, fighting a grin. "The temptation will be there, Barbara, for sure, as Jack is a very sexy man, but I swear I'll resist the urge to give in to my illicit passions. It might help if you can assure me that we'll get a cabin with two beds instead of one."
Joey shook her head, pursing her lips together in a tight line, her chest shaking with suppressed laughter. Both her friends laughed openly beside her, although Jack had also turned bright red.
"All the male rooms have two beds, Pacey," Barbara spat.
"What about the girls' rooms?" Jen asked.
"The girls will mostly be staying in the queen bed cabins."
"So, it's okay for girls to share a bed, but not boys? Seems kinda sexist and homophobic, if you ask me."
Barbara glared. "Nobody asked you, Jennifer. There are more girls than boys in our class and the ski resort only has so many double cabins."
"Yeah, whatever," Jen muttered.
Pacey sighed and leaned down to tap his finger on the clipboard. "So, can you add me and Joey to the list with Jen and Jack as our roommates? Please, Barbara?"
She softened slightly and started writing their names down. "If you already paid your senior dues, then no money for the trip is required," she told them as she wrote. "If you haven't paid your senior dues, you'll need to pay them before school lets out for Christmas break to be able to go on the trip."
"Already paid for," he said.
"All right, then. You're all set." She frowned at him.
"Are you going on the senior trip, Barbara?" Jack asked curiously.
She scoffed and looked at them with a haughty air. "Of course not. Everyone knows the senior trip is just an excuse for teenagers to have a whole weekend without adult supervision to make terrible choices."
Jen grinned at Jack before replying. "But Mr. Kasdan is going. Isn't that adult supervision?"
"One teacher to supervise almost a hundred students? Please."
The four friends exchanged looks, rolling their eyes as they walked away from Barbara Johns and back towards their lunch table. Unfortunately, they then ran into Drue Valentine. "I take it you squares just signed up for the senior trip?" he said with a smirk. "I'm shocked you're even interested in partaking in a weekend of outdoor sports mixed with a healthy dose of booze and sexual debauchery. Well, not so shocked at you, Jen." She shot him a dirty look in response. "I have to say, I'm impressed. Especially you, Potter. Unless you're planning on bringing books and board games to keep you and Witter chastely occupied while everyone else has fun?"
Joey sneered at him and took her boyfriend by the hand, walking them away from Drue.
December 10. Early on Sunday morning, Pacey drove the Witter wagon over to the Potter B&B and cooked a hot breakfast for the guests. Every room was full and they all had healthy appetites. Once the table was adorned with large dishes of pancakes, eggs, bacon, home fries, and biscuits, along with pitchers of milk and orange juice, he waited for Joey by the back door. She soon joined him, her backpack over her shoulder.
"Say hi to Dad for me," Bessie said, following behind her. "Tell him I love him, and wish him a happy birthday from me and Bodie and Alexander."
"I will," she replied rather glumly. She hadn't seen her dad since before the summer. He had written her letters, but she hadn't taken the time to write him back. She kept telling herself she would, and Pacey kept telling her she should, but just she never did. The guilt of also not making the time to visit her dad welled up strongly inside her, but it only made her want to hide away instead of seeing his face and the possible hurt and disappointment there. Not to mention, on top of all that, the guilt she felt over the fact she was forcing Pacey to spend their six-month anniversary at a state penitentiary. "Are you sure you don't want to go instead, Bess? I'll stay here and manage the B&B for you."
"I went last year, Joey. It's your turn for the birthday visit. Don't worry. Pacey will be with you." Then her older sister ushered them out the door.
They were soon on the road, making the two-hour trip up to the city of Concord. The Massachusetts Correctional Institution in that city was their destination. The drive was mostly quiet, subdued, a bit of conversation here and there, but not much. Pacey turned on the radio, filling the car with music playing on the classic rock station, and allowed Joey to be alone with her thoughts. He would only talk whenever she spoke first and initiated conversation.
As they exited I-95 and merged onto the MA-2, spotting a sign telling them they were just eight miles from Concord, Joey turned to look at him. "I'm really sorry this is how we're spending our anniversary, Pace."
He glanced at her before turning his eyes back to the road. "Jo, stop apologizing. As long as we're together, I'm happy. I don't care what we're doing."
"Yeah, well, try to remember that next weekend when I'm dragging you to the Worthington party."
"I'll try," he said, grinning.
The beautiful white wall surrounding the prison seemed more like it was protecting a castle than a medium-security prison. In fact, the wall could give visitors the feeling that they'd taken a wrong turn somewhere. The white wall seemed to stretch for miles, covering acres of land, with guard towers overlooking every inch of it. Just across the street from the intimidating structure were shops and houses and businesses. Formerly the home of Malcolm X and Joseph Barboza, MCI-Concord was the oldest running state prison for men in Massachusetts.
Joey walked into the prison's visiting room wondering if she was about to make a mistake. Coming to see her father wasn't exactly a spur-of-the-moment decision—she'd known his birthday was coming up and that this year was her turn—but she had immediately agreed to go when Bessie reminded her of it instead of trying everything she could think of to get out of it like the last time two years ago. She hadn't seen her father since that weekend back in March. Bodie had taken her; Pacey was busy with his new mentee, Buzz, and even if he hadn't been, things between her and Pacey at that time were confusing and awkward. Before that, she had been trying to visit her dad more often, usually going every couple of months. Since that visit, there had been this long silence between them. Well, not from her dad. He'd written her, after all. She'd been too wrapped up in her own life to take the time.
Would her dad be happy to see her? Or angry she'd stayed away? She knew she was just panicking, like she usually did. She hated coming here.
Her father had been in her thoughts a lot lately. With the pressure of the future building around her, the pressure she put on herself when it came to school and work and Pacey, and the continued heartache over the loss of Dawson's friendship, she went back to what she now believed was the root of her problems—her fear of the men in her life betraying and abandoning her.
Wanting to look as simple as possible, Joey dressed in dark blue jeans, a knit sweater, and cheap boots she'd grabbed from a thrift store. Nothing stood out except her beauty. The crowded visiting room was flooded with a variety of male prisoners and closely watched by a half dozen strategically positioned guards. Joey sat next to Pacey in the middle of it all, in a plastic chair at a small table, her heart beating like a drum.
She set her eyes on the small line of the latest inmates being escorted into the visiting room, single file. Joey took a deep breath. She'd spotted her father, the last in line. He stood looking around in his khaki prison uniform and work boots. He was tall and still a very handsome man, dark hair and brown eyes just like hers. Joey couldn't take her eyes off him.
Mike Potter came to her table looking surprised. "Joey?"
She didn't answer him. She felt herself getting choked up. Should she stand up and greet him with a hug? Her dad reached for her and she rose up from her chair, wrapping her arms around him. She couldn't control her tears any longer. They trickled down her face like a steady stream.
"You're so beautiful, Joey." He smiled over her shoulder. "Just like your mother."
She smiled. "Thanks."
It would've been awkward and hard to break the ice between them without Pacey there, and she felt more grateful than ever that he was her own personal social buffer.
"So, what brings you to finally come see me?"
Joey took another deep breath. "It's your birthday, Dad."
"Well, technically, my birthday was yesterday, hun." He winked at her.
"Yes, I know. Happy one-day-belated birthday."
Pacey glanced between them. "You mean we could've come up here yesterday instead of our anniversary?"
Mike Potter's eyes went wide with surprise.
"No, Pacey," Joey answered him. "Inmates with last names A through L get Saturday visits. Inmates with names M through Z get Sunday visits."
"I'm sorry," her dad said, holding his hands up over the table. "But, uh, anniversary? Something you two kids wanna tell the old man?"
"Pacey and I have been together since June, Dad. Bessie didn't tell you that I went sailing with Pacey for the summer? We went to Key West."
"Your sister didn't say a thing, and neither did Pacey." Mike shot an accusatory look at him before his face contorted with confusion. "Wait a minute. Key West?" He stared at them, dumbfounded. "How did you get there?"
"We sailed down there on Pacey's boat. What do you mean, neither did Pacey? Have you been talking to Pacey, Dad?" She turned a pointed look on her boyfriend. He opened his mouth to answer but then closed it.
Mike turned his attention to Pacey. "You have a sailboat? You didn't mention that in any of the postcards."
He nodded. "Yes, Mr. Potter. Well, I did have a sailboat. Unfortunately, I don't have it anymore."
"Postcards?" Joey's eyebrows shot up.
"What happened to the sailboat?"
"There was that bad storm back in September and I'm afraid it sunk."
"Were you out on that boat in the storm, young lady?" her father demanded.
Joey shook her head emphatically. "No, Dad. I wasn't. Pacey, you wrote my dad?"
Again, he tried to answer but froze. He could see the anger beginning to rise up in her eyes. "Well, those letters were piling up in your room and you weren't answering them and I thought somebody ought to write to the guy. I still had a bunch of postcards I'd gotten when we were on vacation, so I sent him one or two… or three. No big deal."
"What did you write on these postcards, Pacey?" She didn't know whether to be touched he'd want to do something thoughtful for her dad, or annoyed he'd done it behind her back.
"I was just telling him how great you were doing in school and at your job, Jo. That's all. Your dad just wants to know how you're doing and if you're happy."
Mike Potter let out a breath. Then his brows creased. "Okay, so, if this"—he waved his finger between the two of them—"is happening, what happened with Dawson? I thought you wanted to work things out with him."
"It wasn't meant to be, Dad," she replied. "We're better off as friends. At least I'd hoped we'd be. Dawson doesn't really want to be my friend right now, and as far as I can tell, he might never want to."
"I'm sorry, honey. Love is pain."
She suddenly remembered her mother and the pain he'd caused her, and she wanted to throw the words back in his face. They were right there on the tip of her tongue, like an icy knife to stab him with. Instead, she smiled. "But I'm in love with Pacey and that isn't painful."
Her father gave her a small smile and sighed knowingly. "Not yet."
Joey swallowed and glanced at Pacey. The fear returned, if only for a moment. Then she changed the subject and handed over the birthday card Bessie had sent with her.
Later that evening, Joey sat on her bedroom floor, with Pacey sitting beside her, going through an old shoebox she kept stashed at the back of her closet. Inside the box was everything she had of her mother's. The old bracelet she'd worn to the Anti-Prom, several gold chains, two rings, a silver locket, and pencil drawings of bridges, trees, flowers, a castle, a ship on the ocean, her father, Bessie and herself as kids. She handed the drawings over to Pacey to look at.
"Wow, your mom was so talented," he said. "Just like you."
Joey carefully lifted the locket out of the box. It was old-fashioned, large and unusually shaped, oval with pointed ends at the top and bottom. The design upon it was intricate and delicately carved. At the top of the oval was a hole shaped like a key. The lower part opened to reveal a small picture of her father and mother on one side when they were younger, and the other side had a picture of herself and Bessie. Her older sister had to have been about twelve in the picture. When she opened it, the two halves came apart at the hinge and split in her palm. The locket was broken.
And suddenly Joey was thirteen again. She had slipped into her parents' bedroom and was reaching for the locket her mother used to wear. Her mother had always worn it, saying she wanted to keep everyone she loved close to her heart. It was Christmas Eve, and Joey was missing her mom awful bad that day and wanted to feel close to her heart, too. She knew her dad kept the locket in a black velvet-lined box on top of his dresser.
She had only wanted to see it. To touch it. To remember what it looked like around her mother's neck. She'd wanted to hold tight to that memory in her mind while she held the locket in her hand, against her own heart. That's all she'd wanted to do.
But Bessie had rushed into the bedroom and startled her. "Joey!"
She dropped the locket and it bounced on the hardwood floor. The clasp sprang open, the two halves splitting apart, and Bessie shouted again.
Immediately, Joey burst into tears. She wasn't supposed to be in her parents' bedroom, but she was more upset that she'd broken her mother's locket and that her dad was going to be mad. As quick as she could, she grabbed the box and gathered up both halves of the locket and tried to fit them together inside it.
Bessie was making her nervous. "Joey, what are you doing?"
Then her father came in. She looked up as he stepped into the bedroom. "I only wanted to look at it, Daddy," she said, tears streaming, heart breaking. "I only wanted…"
"I think she wants to take it, Dad," Bessie said. "Why else would she be in here? She knows your bedroom is off-limits."
Her father's eyebrows shot up.
Joey stood. "No! That's not it. I dropped it. That's all. It just popped open and broke. Let me fix it. I can do it, Daddy."
Mike Potter looked her square in the eyes. He had a commanding presence when he needed to be and when he looked anyone square in the eyes, you were caught, and didn't dare look away. "Joey?"
"I miss Mom, Daddy. I just wanted—"
"But that doesn't mean she can come in here and rifle through Mom's things and take whatever she wants," Bessie said.
"They're my things now," he corrected and stepped forward. "I'll handle this, Bessie." He didn't look at her, but his tone was enough for Joey to know he meant business. Bessie backed off.
"Daddy, I really wasn't—"
He shook his head. "Joey never stole a thing in her life." He took the box and the locket from her hands. "Well, it is broken."
"It was an accident."
"But you think you can fix it?"
Joey nodded.
Her father sighed deep, straightened everything in the box, and handed the locket back to her. "Then you fix it, and you can keep it."
"Dad, you're just coddling her."
He waved Bessie off. Joey looked up at her father, desperate for the connection and reassurance, and wished Bessie would just go away. She started crying again. "Really?"
He nodded.
She clutched the locket and jumped into his embrace.
Thinking back, Joey remembered how safe that felt—the warmth of his chest, the smell of his aftershave, the protection of his arms. "Thank you, Daddy," she'd whispered. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too, sweetheart," he whispered back. Then he set her back down on the floor, looked deep into her eyes for a moment, then swatted her on the behind and said, "Now, get outta here and go wash up for dinner."
She'd rushed out of the room, feeling better than she had all day, and the acute pain she'd felt over losing her mom two weeks before had lessened somewhat. At least for the moment.
Joey stared down at the broken locket in her palm and sighed. "I never was able to fix it."
Pacey looked away from the drawing of Joey as a little girl. "Did you take it to a jeweler?"
She shook her head. "I'd tried to fix it on my own. I told my dad I would, and I did try, but a few weeks later he was arrested and…" She sighed again. "Well, suddenly there were other things on my mind and I just never got around to fixing it."
Staring at the broken locket, Pacey watched her close it and gently place it back inside the shoebox.
On Friday after school, Joey went with Jen and Jack up to Provincetown to go Christmas shopping. Tomorrow night was the Worthington dinner party at Capeside Yacht Club, and she thought getting out of town with her friends would be a great distraction from her obsessive worrying. Getting all dressed up, mingling with professional adults, and being forced to make small talk or put on some kind of charm to impress them and compete for their approval with other academic overachievers was definitely outside her wheelhouse, and the thought of crashing and burning at the party because of her painfully awkward social skills was enough to make her feel sick with dread.
"So, what's Pacey up to?" Jen asked from behind the steering wheel, glancing at her in the rearview mirror.
"You mean, other than trying to get out of going with me to the Worthington party tomorrow night? Oh, he and his friend Will Krudski are taking little Buzz to the movies," Joey replied. "Pacey is picking Will up at the train station and then they're going to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Pacey introduced Buzz to the Karate Kid movies a couple months ago and then it spiraled into all things kung fu. He's actually looking around for a karate class that Buzz can join next year since he won't really be here anymore to spend time with him once we graduate."
"Wow, that's nice of him," Jack said. "To look out for the kid like that."
She thought so, too. She had honestly never known a kinder person than Pacey. "You should see the way Buzz looks at him. It's like he's the best thing since sliced bread. I happen to think it's true, of course. He pretty much is."
Her thoughts drifted to two days ago, when she'd driven to the cemetery after school to visit her mother's grave. She had meant to visit the grave on the anniversary of her mother's death, but she'd been so wrapped up in midterms, stressing out over every homework assignment and test, and getting ready for the party, that she had come a day late. When she arrived, she'd found someone had already been there and placed a bouquet of flowers on the stone plaque. The light dusting of snow that covered the bouquet told her that this someone had obviously visited the day before. It had snowed briefly overnight, but quickly stopped, and most of it had melted by now.
Buried in the profusion of fresh red roses was a note reading, "Dear Mrs. Potter, I am so sorry for what happened to you. I wish you were here still. I wish you could have had a longer life, a better life. It was what you deserved. But I promise you that Joey will have a good life. I'll do everything in my power to make sure she does. It's the least I can do for you for all that you did for me. I will never forget your kindness and the way you cared for me when no one else did." The note was signed, "Pacey Witter." She'd stood over her mother's grave for some time after that, wiping the tears from her face.
"I take it things are still going well with you two?"
Jen's question drew Joey out of her reverie and she blushed at her friends' smirking faces. "Yep. Things are great." Then she looked at Jack. "I'm sorry Pacey didn't include you in his guys' night out."
"Oh, he invited me to the movies," he told her. "I'd just rather go shopping."
"That might be the gayest thing you've ever said," Jen teased, and he laughed.
Almost an hour after leaving Capeside, they drove past the Welcome to Provincetown sign. "So, why exactly did we drive up here?" Jack asked, turning a curious smile on the girls. "I mean, the Cape Cod Mall is usually our primary destination. Why come here?"
"The Woodwright's Shop, is why," Joey said.
His dark eyebrows rose a little higher. "And what is at the Woodwright's Shop, may I ask?"
She smiled, a tingling excitement suddenly rippling through her body. "Pacey's Christmas present."
"And what is it that you're buying there that you couldn't find at the mall?"
She smiled even broader. "I already bought it two months ago, actually. I'm just picking it up."
Less than five minutes later, they were pulling the car up in front of the shop on Commercial Street. The building was cedar-sided and inspired by local historic architecture. A bell over the frame dinged as they opened the door and walked inside. The shop had a nautical theme, with antiques, prints, pillows, lanterns, and telescopes. There were also wooden frames, weather vanes, vintage posters, and furniture, featuring refined leather, mahogany, and wicker.
Joey approached the counter in front of the opposite wall. An older man with thinning gray hair, who looked to be in his 60's or early 70's, was standing behind it. He greeted her with a warm smile. "Hello," she said. "I'm picking up an order."
"The name on the order, dear?"
"Potter."
The man's eyes lit up and he smiled excitedly. "The bottle?"
She nodded, returning his smile. "That's the one."
He held up his finger, motioning her to wait a moment, and disappeared behind a swinging door to the left of the counter. When he reappeared, he was carrying Pacey's gift, and he quickly, yet carefully, set it down on the counter in front of her. Her heart swelled inside her chest, her blood surging through her veins. Emotion tightened her throat and tears pricked her eyes. "It's perfect."
She glanced at her friends standing next to her. Their mouths had fallen open. "Is that…?" Jack asked.
Bouncing on her toes, Joey smiled, happiness and excitement coursing through her. "Yep."
"Oh, my God," Jen said with wide eyes.
After depositing Pacey's gift safely inside the trunk of Mrs. Ryan's car, they spent the next two hours perusing the other shops up and down Commercial Street. When the sun set, the Christmas lights along both sides of the street lit up. Dark green garland with bright red bows decorated each street lamp. The air soon grew chilly and it started to snow.
The three friends decided to stop for dinner. The Mayflower, once a former sea captain's home, was now an eclectic, ship-themed tavern, and they were soon seated in a warm booth inside. The menu had a wide variety of American and international seafood dishes. Their waiter was attentive and they ordered fairly quickly.
"So, Joey…" Jen said with a teasing smile as she set her glass back down on the table. "Pacey's birthday is coming up rather quickly. An eventful date on the calendar."
Joey blushed and bit the inside of her cheek to try and stop herself from grinning. It didn't work. "I know."
Jack glanced between them. "Am I missing something here?"
Joey stared at Jen across the table for a moment, and then shrugged. What did it matter if Jack knew? She nodded her permission. Jen turned to her best friend beside her. "Joey has decided to go all the way with Pacey when he turns eighteen."
"It'll be a birthday he'll never forget," Jack quipped.
She wasn't exactly sure if she wanted to talk about it, but then again, maybe her friends were the sounding board she needed. "I want to plan something really special, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Where seems to be the current issue I'm trying to work out. Certainly not the back of the Witter wagon or my truck. The beach house, maybe, but I'd have to be sure it was a night his sister was working late. My bedroom is an option, but there are no guarantees there won't be any B&B guests, and Bessie and Bodie rarely go away anywhere. They're actually going away this Sunday for a few nights, taking advantage of a three-day reprieve from B&B guests for a romantic getaway, and so they're leaving Alexander at home with me. Anyway, my bedroom where we hang out and do homework all the time doesn't seem special enough for the occasion, and not just for me. I want this to be special and meaningful for Pacey, too."
"You mean because his first time was with a woman twice his age who took advantage of him and it was all caught outdoors on Dawson's videotape?" Jen said.
Joey closed her eyes and pressed her fingers between her brows. "Ugh." Then she sighed and chewed on her lip. Ms. Jacobs hadn't been the only person Pacey had been involved with…
Their waiter returned to the table, carrying their platters of sizzling seafood. They thanked him and he left, and then they quietly dug into their meal. After a few minutes, Jen took a sip of her soda and pursed her lips in thought. "What if you guys went out to a nice place like this and then went back to his house? I'm willing to bet his sister would be understanding if you asked her to give you guys some privacy. Maybe she could stay over with a friend or something."
"I know Gretchen would be okay with it. She actually took me shopping on Tuesday after school for a dress for the Worthington party. She's really supportive of me and Pacey. Hey, did you guys know that Mitch and Gail are having a Christmas party tomorrow night, and that Gretchen is throwing it for them? They invited me and Pacey."
"Uh, yeah, Mrs. Leery mentioned it," Jen replied. "I believe me and Grams and Jack have been invited. I'm pretty sure we're going. Right, Will?"
"Sure thing, Grace."
Joey chuckled and rolled her eyes.
"So, you should totally ask Gretchen to let you and Pacey have the beach house to yourselves for the night, on whatever night you decide," Jen told her.
"I'd have to come up with an excuse. I guess I could tell Bessie that I was staying over at your house, or that I was staying over with Gretchen and Pacey had gone camping with Doug or something. Not sure if she'd believe that, though. Who camps in the middle of winter? And she knows I'm not really the girls-sleepover type. Then again, I could just come right out and tell Bessie that I'm spending the night with Pacey. It's not like there's anything she could do about it. But I'd rather avoid awkward conversations and arguments if I can."
She glanced at Jack, unsure whether she should ask the question that was burning inside her with him sitting there. "You might want to cover your ears for this," she told him, smiling as he did so while she turned to Jen. "Do you know anything about Pacey and Andie's first time?" she asked quietly. "Did Andie ever tell you about it?"
Jen shook her head. "I'm sorry, she didn't. Andie didn't ever talk to me much about Pacey or their relationship."
Jack rolled his eyes and lowered his hands from his ears. "Pacey took my sister to some fancy restaurant and then rented a room at a bed and breakfast downtown. She'd told him how she had always pictured her first time would be and then he made it all come true for her. It was the most romantic night of her life." The girls stared at him. "What? Andie tells me everything. Well, almost. That's all I know. She didn't go into any other… details."
"A grand romantic gesture," Joey said with a frown. "Figures. Would you expect anything less from Pacey?"
"Have you ever tried turning the tables and offering him a grand romantic gesture of your own?" Jen prodded.
"I'd say his present counts," Jack mused. "You could do it right under the Christmas tree. Just try not to ruin everyone else's gifts."
Joey laughed and her face turned red. "Oh, God." But then she could picture it. The Christmas tree all lit up. A fire blazing in the living room hearth, bathing her and Pacey in a warm glow. A different kind of heat rose up inside her.
"Please refrain from sexual daydreams at the table, Joey," Jen snarked. "We're eating over here."
Rolling her eyes, she snorted and picked up her fork. Her hand paused mid-air as she suddenly remembered something. "Didn't the ski resort brochure say there was a fireplace in every cabin?"
Jen shrugged, but Jack nodded. "Yeah."
A wide smile began to spread across her face and she locked eyes with Jen. "The senior trip?" her friend guessed.
"It's perfect," Joey said. "It's already planned, the dates are set. I won't have to somehow arrange something that could easily fall apart with a monkey wrench thrown by our siblings. Bessie already knows I'm going and so I won't have to come up with some excuse. We'll be away from Capeside, on a special trip that neither of us has ever done before. Only…" Her shoulders slumped. "The ski trip is like a month after Pacey's birthday."
"Can you wait another month?" Jen asked.
"I mean, I waited this long, but…" She was getting impatient and it was getting harder to wait, but if knowing the senior trip was at the end of it, then waiting a little longer might not be so bad.
"Hey, we'll switch up rooms when we get to the resort," Jack said. "Me and Jen will take the room with the double beds, and you and Pacey can get the keys to the other one. I doubt Mr. Kasdan will notice."
A thrill of excitement surged through Joey like electricity. "Okay, but don't tell Pacey. Not a word. I want it to be a surprise."
Jen lifted her glass. "To grand romantic gestures."
"To finally having sex."
"Cheers to that," Jack added.
They all toasted, glasses clinking together, and laughed.
Later that night, back in Capeside, Pacey sat on his couch next to Will Krudski. They'd had a great time at the movies with Buzz. His young mentee was kung fu kicking and karate chopping all the way to his front door. Now, video game controllers in hand, he was enjoying time with his friend before he had to take him back to the train station in the morning.
"How're things with your dad?" Will asked as the game's start screen appeared on the television. "It was kinda hard to talk earlier with the kid around."
"Um… same, I guess," Pacey said. "I don't have to see him that often, maybe once a week. It's more than enough, believe me."
"You gonna have Christmas with your folks?"
He nodded. "Yeah, me and Gretchen are going over on Christmas morning. My sister Amy is coming up with her kids. I wish she'd leave my brother-in-law at home, but that's unlikely. I'm spending Christmas Eve with Joey over at her house."
"So, how's things going with you guys?"
"Good. We're going to this fancy dinner party tomorrow night. You know Worthington?"
"That hoity-toity liberal arts college in Boston?"
Pacey nodded. "That's the one. Well, they've narrowed down their applicants for next fall and Joey's on the list. They're holding some shindig at the yacht club so the Admissions people can get to know the potential matriculants, and I am going as Joey's date."
Will's eyebrows rose and he laughed. "You don't sound thrilled about it."
"I'm not gonna fit in there. I have nothing in common with those people. Joey's all nervous and stressed about impressing them. Honestly, they should be trying to impress her. She'd be doing them the favor if she went there."
"Other than college stuff, everything else good with you two?"
A smile spread across Pacey's face. "Yeah."
Will shook his head. "Come on, man. Give me the nitty gritty. Have you guys done it yet?"
Pacey didn't like the sound of that. "What do you mean, have we done it yet? Like I would tell you. It's none of your business."
"I guess that means you haven't."
"You don't know what the hell it means," Pacey laughed.
Will gave him a look. "You can trust me. I'm not gonna say anything. You're head over heels for this girl and I'm just trying to look out for you, man."
"No, you're just being nosey."
"That's not true. Don't forget I was a firsthand witness to what went down last spring. I'm just hoping she's as serious about you as you are about her. Do you at least fool around? Does she give you blowjobs?"
Pacey's face went red and he cleared his throat, trying to focus on the video game. "I really don't want to be talking about Joey like this."
"I'm gonna take that as a yes. Uh, and how long have you guys been together?"
Pacey chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. "Six months."
"And she's eighteen, right?" Pause. "Huh."
He didn't like the sound of that either. The silence that followed was a heavy one. "What are you implying?" he finally asked.
Shrugging, Will hesitated to answer. "I just… I mean, have you thought about whether you're just an everything but guy?"
"What?"
"You know… some girls will do certain things," Will gave him a sideways glance. "You know, they'll let you finger 'em or they'll go down on you, but they won't go all the way. They'll do everything but. They're saving their virginity for that really special someone they want to give it to."
"Are you saying that I'm everything but for Joey?" His brows furrowed and his guts twisted into a knot.
Eyes wide, Will shook his head. "No, no, of course not. I'm just… You know what? Forget what I said. It didn't mean anything. I've seen the way Joey looks at you. She loves you. You've got nothing to worry about."
Pacey leaned back against the couch. He lost all interest in the game.
"So, uh, how's Dawson these days?" Will asked, giving him another sideways look.
"What's Dawson got to do with anything?" he snapped.
"Nothing, man. Nothing. I'm just wondering if you guys have patched things up yet."
He sighed and tossed his controller down on the couch. "Well, we're not fighting, but we're not hanging out either."
Another silence. "Are Dawson and Joey hanging out?"
"Not really. I'm getting a drink," Pacey said, abruptly standing up from the couch and ending the conversation. "You want anything?"
"No, I'm good," Will replied, eyeing him.
He walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. Memories came forward, from a day long ago, a miserable Saturday spent in detention sophomore year. Towards the end of the day, he'd sat there in the library listening to Joey painfully trying to pour her heart out to an oblivious Dawson.
"You know, when did everyone become so obsessed with sex? Now you too, Dawson. If you're worried that everyone's more experienced than you, you can rest easy because you still have one friend who will probably go to her grave a virgin."
"Joey, it's just a matter of time before you find the right person."
"I have," she'd said tearfully, her voice thick with emotion.
Pacey could still hear the despair and loneliness in her voice. For the longest time, he knew that Joey had always assumed her first time would be with Dawson. That Dawson was the special person she had wanted to take that momentous first step with. Was she consciously or subconsciously putting off moving their physical relationship forward because when it came down to it, she'd never envisioned her first time being with him? Is that what scared her? That there was a part of her that still wanted it to be with Dawson?
He was suddenly looking forward to the Worthington party. He needed a distraction, people, a night out with Joey on his arm, the laughter and conversation of strangers—anything that would drown out the niggling doubts now swirling inside his head.
December 16. The Worthington party hadn't gone so well. Joey had obviously felt nervous and awkward and uncomfortable in the social spotlight—it didn't help that her bitch of a boss was sitting right across from her at the table—and Pacey had done everything he could think of to break the ice and put her at ease. That hadn't gone over very well either. Then he talked the dean's ear off all about how Joey had made a huge difference in his life, that she was the best partner anyone could hope for, and how lucky Worthington would be if she were to go to their school. Things improved after that.
As Pacey drove the truck through downtown, heading for the creek, he turned his head to see Joey's wall as they went past. It was still covered with canvas. She hadn't allowed him even a peek. "When are you going to be finished with the mural, Jo?"
"Soon," she said coyly.
"Well, let me know so that I can plan the big unveiling party and invite everyone."
"Pace, I think I might've had enough of parties."
"Funny you should say that on our way to the Leery's Christmas party," he quipped.
"This really is the worst weekend for parties, you know. My AP English midterm is on Monday. I should be studying."
Pacey smiled at her. "Stop worrying so much, Jo. You'll give yourself an ulcer. When have you ever gotten a bad grade, and especially in English? You've got all day Sunday to study."
The driveway and most of the road on both sides was full of cars. They had to park quite a distance from the house. Arm in arm they walked towards the Leery abode and came in through the front door, just in time to see Dawson and Gretchen leaning in for a kiss. They stared agape. From the corner of her eye, Gretchen's gaze locked with Pacey's. When Dawson closed in, she quickly turned her head at the last second and kissed him on the cheek. Joey couldn't help but notice the look of disappointment on Dawson's face.
Then Gretchen rushed over to Pacey and Joey. "Hi, guys! So, how was it?"
Joey stood there, still trying to process what she'd seen. Why were Dawson and Gretchen about to kiss? Did Dawson like her? He'd never said anything about it. He never talked about her at all. Wouldn't he have told her if he liked someone? Especially if it was Pacey's sister? It seemed like another nail in the proverbial coffin their friendship was buried in. "Um, well…"
"She impressed them, of course. The alumni rep was over the moon about her."
"Of course, she did," Gretchen said, smiling.
"Your brother is being kind. I was a complete disaster. You should've seen him, though." She nodded at Pacey. "Life of the party. Had everyone eating out of the palm of his hand. I mean, it's not fair. Pacey is the one who should be going to Worthington and schmoozing with the big wigs. You'd really be doing them the favor, you know."
He smiled knowingly as she echoed his words from earlier back to him. "That's really not my scene, Jo." He turned to his sister. His face hardened. "You mind telling me what the hell you were doing almost kissing Dawson Leery in front of everyone?"
Gretchen frowned. "Mistletoe, Pace. That's all it was. Be careful of who you get caught standing underneath it with."
"I'll keep that in mind," he said darkly.
"There's nothing going on with me and Dawson, Pacey. We're just friends. Besides, I'd like to think I'm smart enough not to date a guy who's still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. Okay?"
"You mean, me?" Joey's brows knitted. Since when did Dawson still care about her? He never acted like it.
"Geez, who else?" Gretchen laughed. "He talks about you all the time, Joey."
Pacey didn't like where this conversation was heading, and took his girlfriend by the hand. "Let's go get a drink."
While they were in the kitchen getting some punch, Dawson came in. "Hey, guys. Glad you both made it."
Cup in hand, staring at his former best friend's smiling face, he looked skeptical. "You are?"
Brows furrowing, Dawson looked confused by his reaction. "Um, yeah, Pace. It's good to see you." He turned to Joey, still smiling. "So, how was the thing? The, uh, the Worthington bash? Did you meet the Admissions Committee?"
"Yes, I met them all." Joey heaved a sigh and sipped her punch.
"Well? How'd it go?"
"Let's see, Dawson… Well, it was one of those situations where they want you talk a lot about yourself."
He grimaced and made a noise.
"Yeah. So, I'm sure you can guess how well that turned out for yours truly."
Dawson frowned in sympathy. "Sorry, Joey. Well, you had Pacey with you. I'm sure that made it all right." He glanced between them. "Right?"
"Pacey was definitely the life-preserver. I would've drowned, otherwise."
He smiled. "Good." Then he poured himself two cups of punch. "Well, enjoy the party." Dawson walked out of the kitchen and they soon saw him hand over one of the cups to Gretchen.
"He's sure in a good mood," Joey remarked.
"Ten guesses as to why. I see Dawson's crush on my sister is alive and well." Pacey then turned away from their happy, smiling faces. "Does that bother you?"
She gave him a sarcastic look. "Why would that bother me?"
Those niggling doubts came to the fore. "Well, they could end up dating. He might even get serious with Gretchen and, you know, start sleeping with her." His face scrunched up in disgust. "Gross," he muttered under his breath. "But, you know, it would mean he'd finally moved on."
"You realize Gretchen would have to like him back for that scenario to turn out, right?"
"But wouldn't that bother you, Jo?"
"Not as much as it obviously bothers you, Pacey." She arched her brow and started walking out of the kitchen.
Later, after meandering through the party and talking with the other guests, including Jack and Jen and her Grams, they found themselves in the living room standing in front of the Christmas tree. The party was still in full swing behind them, but it suddenly seemed as if they were in their own little world, away from everyone and everything. Pacey stood behind Joey and wrapped his arms around her, holding her while they looked at the tree and the Leery's decorations. "I can't wait until Christmas Eve," she told him.
"Yeah? Why?"
"Just… you and me, late at night after everyone else has gone to sleep, sitting by the tree, all lit up, presents underneath, a fire crackling in the fireplace." She smiled to herself and blushed, thinking of dinner last night with Jen and Jack, and her future plans.
Pacey noticed the blush. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. "What are you thinking about, Potter?"
She grinned even more. "It's private."
"Is it about me?"
"Yes, but it's still private."
He let out a breathy laugh and kissed her cheek.
The following day didn't prove to be as good as Pacey had hoped, despite Bessie and Bodie leaving Alexander and an empty B&B in their hands. Joey had gotten frazzled and frustrated and kicked him out. He suspected she wasn't that stressed and upset about him or the English test, but about Dawson and Gretchen. She ended up calling him early on Monday morning to come over and cook breakfast because unexpected guests had shown up the night before.
Later that day after school, he returned to the B&B to find Joey in an even worse mood, evidence of a poor performance on the much-dreaded midterm. She was tearful with exhaustion and still freaking out about the test and caring for Alexander and the guests. He tried to get her to admit how bothered she actually was about Dawson, but that just led to another stupid fight. Still, he stuck around to help her out. He cooked dinner and then did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen and living room and the bathrooms.
It was nearly ten o'clock when Alexander finally went to sleep. Joey joined Pacey in the living room where he'd made a fire in the hearth, and sat on the couch across from him. She was obviously still in a bad mood. "Look, I didn't come over here to fight about Dawson," he said.
"Yes, you did."
He set down the newspaper he'd been reading. "Yeah, you're right. I did come over here to fight about Dawson." He stood up and walked over, sitting down on the coffee table in front of her. "But only because I don't want this to become one of those things we don't talk about, and then I look up one day and you're gone."
Her brows knitted. "What things, Pacey?"
"Oh, things like the future."
"We talk about the future."
"No, Joey, we talk around the future." Sure, they talked about her college applications, and his college applications, but they didn't actually have any plan in place. They didn't discuss the what ifs and the maybes. What would they do if she wanted to go to a university in New Jersey and he was only accepted to schools in Massachusetts? Would she let him skip out on college to be with her? Where did she really see them in five years? Was their relationship just as important as college, if not more? Did she truly see it lasting? Or was he just her everything but?
"That is not true," she denied, and Pacey heaved a sigh. "I don't know why it should bother me, this Dawson and Gretchen thing. If it's even a thing."
He moved over to sit next to her on the couch. "But it does bother you. It's okay that it bothers you. Hell, it bothers me. I just want you to be able to tell me that. Don't shut me out from these things. I want you to talk to me about anything that bothers you, even if it's Dawson."
Right now, it bothered her that he thought she didn't care about their future. The future scared her, and a lot of the time she didn't want to think about it or talk about it much, but that didn't mean it wasn't always hovering at the back of her mind. "Pacey, I do think about the future. I do."
"So, what do you see when you think about the future?"
"Us. Me and you, Pace. We grew up together. And see, Dawson and I, we didn't grow up. We'll always be stuck in Dawson's bedroom, never growing, never changing, holding each other back, having the same argument over and over again. My future lies with you, not him. But that's not really the point. This thing with Dawson and Gretchen doesn't bother me the way you seem to think it does."
"Then what's bothering you, Jo?"
She felt her throat tighten with emotion. "When Jen Lindley moved to town, she was all Dawson would talk about. He talked about her constantly. He'd ask me what to do, what to say, he confided in me. I mean, I was his best friend, and now…" Tears welled up in her eyes and she sniffled. "He obviously likes Gretchen, and he hasn't said a single word to me about her. And you heard what she said at the Leery's party—he talks about me all the time. So, that means Dawson considers Gretchen to be a good enough friend to confide in, to share things with. And I guess I just feel…" She choked on her tears. "Pushed out. Like we're not good enough friends for him to talk to me about whatever's going on in his life, and he doesn't want me in his life. I feel like he doesn't need me to be his friend, he doesn't want me to be his friend, and I just… miss him, Pacey."
He placed a reassuring hand on her back. "Well, if that's the problem, and, believe me, this isn't easy for me to say, then you need to talk to Dawson. This isn't going to stop bothering you until you tell him how you feel. So, go tell him. I'll watch Alexander."
Getting off the couch, Pacey kissed her sweetly on the head and walked into the kitchen. While making himself a cup of hot chocolate, he heard the front door open and shut. An hour went by, and Joey still hadn't returned. He checked on a soundly sleeping Alexander before heading to her room. As he undressed down to his T-shirt and boxers, he decided to speak to Mr. Kasdan in the morning and try to see if it was possible for her to retake the test. Then he got into bed and pulled the covers over his shoulder. It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep.
Pacey had no idea how much time had gone by before his eyes fluttered open. A warm body was sliding into bed behind him, coming closer until pressed against him. He felt her soft lips at his ear, her sweet breath on his skin. Smiling, he pulled her arm around him, taking her hand and holding it against his chest. Then he closed his eyes and once again slipped into unconsciousness.
On Tuesday evening, the atmosphere around the B&B had completely changed. To Pacey's surprise, Mr. Kasdan had actually agreed to let Joey retake the English test. Instead of stressed and upset, she was relaxed and in an affectionate mood, expressing gratitude for his help.
"That's great!" he said. "How'd you do?"
Joey pulled him into a tight hug. How did she get so lucky? He really was the perfect boyfriend. "I retake the test after school tomorrow." She pulled back, moving in for a kiss. "So, I thought tonight we could…" she murmured suggestively, kissing him.
Pacey broke the kiss and pulled back from the hug. There were things they should probably talk about first. "Uh…"
"Is something wrong?"
"You still haven't told me about what happened when you went over to see Dawson last night. We were a little busy feeding and seeing the B&B guests out the door this morning to talk before school."
"I talked to him, and we're fine. I thought he didn't care, but he does. We're friends, it's okay that we're just friends, and I think we're both in a place where we can accept that."
The doubts niggled at him again. "So, he's not still hung up on you like my sister claims?"
Joey shook her head. "I honestly don't think so, Pacey. I'm pretty sure he likes Gretchen."
"Did he tell you that?"
"In a roundabout way, yeah. And no, it doesn't bother me at all. Gretchen would be lucky to date a guy like Dawson."
Pacey frowned. "Great," he muttered.
She moved forward, closing the distance between them. "Now who's bothered?" she grinned. "All my ghosts are locked firmly away. Well, except for the Ghost of Christmas Future, and there's really no reason to…" She started to kiss him again.
"There's probably something else we should be doing right now," he murmured against her lips.
For the rest of the evening, he helped her study for the English test. At nine o'clock, Alexander finally fell asleep. Joey returned to the living room carrying the framed picture Dawson had given her. She sat on the couch next to Pacey and set it in his lap. "My Christmas gift from Dawson."
He looked down and stared, amazed. It was a photograph of him and Joey by the Christmas tree at the Leery's house, a private moment during the holiday party that Dawson had managed to capture on film. They looked happy and in love.
"It's beautiful," Pacey said.
"It really is. I love it."
While he appreciated the nice gesture, he couldn't help but wonder if Dawson was truly as over her as she seemed to think he was, and what would happen in the future if he were to try to get Joey back. Pacey turned to her and smiled. "You know, Dawson wouldn't have given this to you if he didn't care about ya, or if he didn't want to be your friend."
Joey returned his smile and snuggled closer. "I know."
"So, do you want to go through another round of flashcards?" he asked.
She lifted the picture from his lap, moving it to the coffee table, setting herself on his lap instead. She ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm done studying, and I think we should take advantage of our last night alone before Bessie and Bodie come home."
He grinned. "Oh, yeah? Should we move this party to the bedroom?"
Hesitating, she chewed her lip. "Um, I don't think that's such a good idea."
"It's not, huh?" Unable to help himself, everything but started going around and around inside his head.
"After what you did for me with Mr. Kasdan, I don't think I have a lot of will power at the moment to resist your charms," she joked. "Best to stay out here where it's safe."
Their lips parted and she looked at him. He was smiling at her, but his smile wasn't quite reaching his eyes. There was something behind them. She thought she almost saw sadness in his gaze. "Are you okay, Pacey?" she said quietly, her hands moving down from his neck to caress his shoulders.
He opened his mouth to reply, but didn't really know what to say. He wanted to come right out and ask her if he was her everything but, yet he held back. He wasn't sure if she would take kindly to the question, and he wasn't sure he even wanted to know the answer. Her velvety brown eyes, so full of affection, gazed at him. "I think the Ghost of Christmas Future might be haunting me."
She shook her head, lifting her fingertips to caress his jaw. "You and me, Pace. That's the only future I want."
Then Joey leaned in and kissed him. Pacey's lips were firm and warm, and so gentle on hers. Her tongue softly caressed his own as his arms tightened around her, desire drowning out the doubts inside his head. Tremors of warmth ran through them, feelings of contentment and joy filling their hearts. Whenever they kissed, they felt truly happy, like they were the only two people in the world, and as her hands moved with purpose to unfasten the button on his jeans, passion stirred between them.