Disclaimer: JKR is a genius. Anne Bishop is a Genius. I am a talent-less hack with a keyboard.
/This remains mental speech. /
A/N; I'm sincerely sorry I haven't updated in three weeks, I've had real life issues playing havoc with me, and a mild case of writers block. I prefer to bang out two or three chapters at once, but recently have barely been able to string a paragraph together. Time to get the blood flowing again.
Harry sat back and surveyed his work, after weeks of effort the Manor of Mischief was finally finished. While more a suite than a full manor, it was an impressive feat nonetheless. The official entrance near the Hufflepuff common room was the finest bit of enchantment he had ever done. It looked like a dead end passageway, but if one examined the wall carefully, there were four slight indentations in the wall. By placing four wands in the indentations and saying the correct pass phrase 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good' (of course) the wall would become like the one that protected platform 9 ¾ in London. Proceeding inwards, there were coat hooks for people to hang their robes. A small cupboard set into the wall contained four "liberated" invisibility cloaks (stolen from the Death Eaters), self sizing boots with built in silencing charms to mask the sounds of footsteps, and a few broomsticks (none new or expensive, but in working order). The door at the end of the entryway is a true work of art that Harry had commissioned from a craftsman in Kaleer. The door itself was a dark brown wood that had an almost golden sheen when brightly polished, with the Hogwarts crest done in brilliantly polished brass.
The common area had a large fireplace and a fine oriental rug that used to sit in the parlor of Malfoy Manor, with a modestly sized divan decorated in each of the house colors. The ceiling in the common area was charmed like that in the Great Hall. Dobby had worked a bit of his House Elf magic to connect the fireplace to the chimneys that served the kitchens. He also worked all the air freshening and conditioning charms throughout the suite. Four bedrooms and the library opened into the common area. The side passage up the chamber of secrets had been closed off and all traces now concealed behind a tapestry depicting the Third Merman Revolution of 1396 (why there were three separate mermen revolutions in 1396 alone will forever remain a mystery to Harry, as will why someone wove a tapestry of such a thing).
The library was large and contained all the duplicates from any family library he had raided, plus a few he special ordered for just this purpose. Not all of the new books were wizarding books even. He found that muggle bookstores had quite a few books on jokes and pranks, not to mention the slight of hand and illusions they called "magic". Slight of hand and illusion seemed like just the thing aspiring pranksters and fun-makers needed to get by. There were also numerous books on logic, philosophy, manipulation, lying believably, subtle interrogation, and the art of spycraft. Between Sun Tzu, Machiavelli, Kant, and Descartes one might accidentally stumble upon an education in this library. Not that it would be intentional of course. The wizarding books covered nearly every subject imaginable; books on charms, potions, animagi, wards, enchantments, and all manner of transfigurations. There were a few books that were borderline on being Dark Arts, but nothing truly harmful. All of those were stashed in a collection of trunks down in the Chamber with all of the furnishings and other goods stripped by the House Elves.
Each bedroom was built around a theme and charmed accordingly. Variations of the skylight charm showed scenes indicative of each primal element. The Fire room showed an active volcano on the walls, warming charms kept it warm but not uncomfortably so. The bed itself was carved from deep black basalt, the mattress covered in rich red sheets. The Water room depicted a tropical isle, sounds of surf and the smell of salty sea air matched perfectly with the hammock strung between two fake palm trees. The Earth room had a forest theme, subtle birdsong and the rustle of leaves matched the rich earthy smell of the room. The bed was actually in a tree house of sorts in one corner. The Air room was the most difficult to handle. In addition to the skylight charm on the ceiling and clouds on all four walls, the floor was charmed to give the appearance of being several thousand feet above Hogwarts. The bed was actually only a floating mattress dressed in light blue sheets and surrounded by mist, a light breeze always blew through the room.
Expansion charms had been used where needed to provide high ceilings and to expand the library.
It had taken nearly a month and a half, but it was worth it. Here was his Hogwarts legacy, forever carved into the living mountain. Over time, the enchantments would fail, the charms would wear off and the room may even be forgotten, but for now, it was his. He had kept detailed notes on everything he had done, the enchantments used and the incantations for all his charms. Hopefully whenever his spell work began to fail, his records would lead others to do the repairs. Only the carving of the rooms themselves required Jewel magic so it should be within the realms of what seventh year students could manage given the instructions.
December first dawned quiet and cold. Harry and friends came down to the Great Hall and were enjoying breakfast when McGonagall came up to their table.
"Well done Mr. Potter, it has been a month and you have managed to avoid needing to see me outside of class."
"I was busy. If you'd like to take tea with me after breakfast, I am certain we can find something I may or may not have been involved in."
"Regardless of what you may think, that's not the reason I keep calling you to my office. If I wanted to, I am sure I might inquire where you have been for the past two months when you weren't in classes"
"Well I haven't left the castle since the Sunday after Halloween if that's what you are worried about. I've been working on my final Charms project."
"You haven't left the castle you say? How odd, it seems almost no one can account for you until just this past week. I have numerous students that say they could not find you when they went to the Head Boy's suite looking for you."
"If you are trying to ask me where I was, ask. I thought we discovered that I can dance around issues as well as Dumbledore ever did."
"Very well then, where have you been and what have you been up to? I'm asking now because it seems that you are finished doing whatever it is you need to do."
"As I said, I have been working on my final Charms project. I wanted to make a real impression on Professor Flitwick this year because as soon as the war is over I thought I might enjoy trying for a Mastery in charms, or maybe even spell crafting."
"Those sound like excellent goals and it is good that you are both planning for the future and applying yourself to schoolwork. But you haven't answered where you were doing this."
"Well technically I guess you could say I was in the Chamber of Secrets. What better place to cast experimental charms than where no one would get hurt or interrupt me?"
"What do you mean technically?"
"Well I was in one of the tunnels that lead away from the main chamber."
"Are you in fact finished?"
"Not completely, most of the work is done but I still have one last charm I need to place and a lot of written work to finish before the project is done. I want it well documented for a variety of reasons."
"Interesting, I would like to see it when you are done as well. If you have dedicated this much effort, I want to see the finished product."
"Certainly, may I come to your office later? I want to speak with the Sorting Hat for a little while."
"Why in the world would you do that? It's a bit late to resort you into another House don't you think?"
"Well the Hat has been around since the birth of Hogwarts, it has seen into the minds of thousands of wizards. I wish to speak with it about its purpose here and the future actually."
"Look, you can't become a House Ghost until you are dead, and you can't replace the Sorting Hat. It only works one day a year anyway and if you think I am giving that drunkard a vacation, you are badly mistaken."
"What? Are you saying that the Sorting Hat is a drunk? It's a hat!"
"Never mind, look you can come talk to the Hat, but I swear to Merlin you aren't taking its place next year."
"Hello Mr. Hat it's good to speak with you again."
"Potter, you still belong in Gryffindor, now more than ever. Look, just because I wanted to put you into Slytherin once doesn't mean that it was wrong to put you in Gryffindor."
"Ok, that's good to know, but that's not why I came to speak with you again."
"Oh, I am sorry. So what's on your mind? You may call me Alistair by the way, you've had more conversations with me than anyone but Albus in the last few centuries."
"Why thank you, and I am Harry. I wanted to talk to you about your job, the future, and the chance at a lot of entertainment. Tell me, Alistair, do you ever get bored just working that one day a year?"
"You bet your arse I do! All I ever do is look into the minds of eleven year olds and look for cunning, bravery, intellect, or loyalty. And at that I rarely get to talk to anyone unless they are either excellent in many areas like yourself or completely useless. And its rarer still that anyone comes back for a second chat."
"Well if you are interested, I have an idea that may see you getting some much more interesting discussions in the future."
"Really? Do tell Harry."
"Well, as you are already adept at sorting, I would like you to seek out the minds of the truly mischievous as well. I am starting a new tradition of sorts, bringing the brightest and most fun minds of each generation and supplying them with everything they need to become truly great."
"Ok, tell me more. I assume from what you have said that there is more than sorting involved."
"Ah yes, that's the beautiful part. Have you ever heard stories of the Marauders? They were and are again a group of pranksters who caused mayhem throughout the castle. I am one of them, and I want you to be a part of my greatest prank. I have just finished building a secret set of rooms that will give younger students the tools to become great at pranking. Soon I hope to place them under the Fidelius Charm. I would like you to be the Secret Keeper and only reveal the location after they have completed a quest. I am going to leave a book in the library. If you sort a student who shows real potential for chaos, tell them about the book. The book will detail the quest. The quest will include planning and executing an innovative prank on at least fifteen people simultaneously. The last part of the quest will be to come back to you and detail the pranks to receive the secret."
"That sounds very tempting. At the very least I will get to hear some good stories, maybe even make a friend or two."
"That's the spirit. Oh, and speaking of spirits, are you actually an alcoholic? How does that work for a hat?"
"No, I think Minerva was having you on. Although, she may also have been trying to imply I was drunk when I sorted you. This plan of yours is clearly Ravenclaw material, or is it Slytherin with its cunning and secrecy? It certainly wasn't brave or loyal."
"Hey, I am trusting my secret that I don't want the Headmasters of the future to know about to someone who lives in their office aren't I? That sounds pretty brave."
"Nope, not seeing it. Your plan for taking on the war single handed though, that's brave AND stupid, just like Godric."
"Gee thanks, I'll come talk to you again when we are ready to enact the Fidelius and discuss who to give it out to."
"Hey Gred, hey Forge! How's my favorite set of twins?"
"Harry, great to see you!" Fred replied, "What are you doing here?"
"It's a Hogsmeade weekend up at the castle and I had business in Gringotts today. I just thought I would come see my partners in crime as well. Not to mention I need to talk with you guys about some new products I am working on. I figure as my business partners I ought to give you first refusal on some stuff even if it isn't in your usual line up."
"We can close up shop for a few minutes if you want." George put in.
"No, close for the day and come with me to Hogwarts, I've got something to show you two anyway. I want to show you something that is my greatest work, my legacy, and my greatest prank ever."
"Are you talking about that 'epic' prank you told us you were planning over the summer hols?"
"Yes I am, even you two never pulled something like this off. It should even net you some interesting business."
"Alright then, just let George and I close up and we'll apperate over to Hogwarts."
"Oi! You're George. I'm Fred remember?" His twin corrected.
"I would think you two would remember at least. Seriously, I don't know how Angelina andAlicia put up with you two."
"Hey now… That's one area we never get mixed up. Aside from the fact that the girls would hex us silly, even twins don't share everything!"
The three pranksters found themselves sneaking around the halls of Hogwarts, bringing back all kinds of memories.
Fred broke the silence. "Why are we sneaking around near the Hufflepuff dorms? There's nothing down here that's very interesting."
"Nothing that you know of, come on, it's just down this corridor."
"Harry, this corridor is a dead end, trust us."
"So you say. Alright, Fred put your wand here. George, yours goes there. Now I just need to put my two into place and we can all say the magic words. Alright, all together now, what's the Marauder motto? "
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good!" They chorused together.
"There, now the wall is just like the barrier at King's Cross. In you get, we've got ten seconds."
They passed through the barrier.
"Welcome my friends, to the Manor of Mischief, home to the Marauders of Hogwarts. Through that door is the future of pranking in this our Alma Mater."
"Well done on the entryway mate, we never would have found those cracks or figured out their purpose. So was this all your work, or was it a combined effort?"
"With the exception of this door here, it is all me. This is my NEWT level project for charms. I am hoping to impress Flitwick enough that he will take me on as an apprentice, so I can get my Mastery in Charms. In addition to everything else, I am going to put it under a Fidelius Charm after the winter break."
"Wow, nice common area. Why bother with a Fidelius if you are making for new pranksters, how are you going to keep coming back to pass the secret?"
"Thanks, you should see the bedrooms and the library. There's a lot of books in there that you two would love. I'm not going to be the secret keeper though that's the best part of the prank. Who in this school knows everybody better than they know themselves? Who would know the up and coming pranksters before school started? Who would be able to tell those who would make the best use of all this?"
"I can't think of anyone except maybe the Headmaster or Headmistress but you can't tell them. That would ruin everything."
"Indeed they would. No my friends, my secret keeper will be the Sorting Hat. He's already agreed to help. We're going to make all new Marauders go on a quest before they learn the secret. Also this term I have been spreading rumors that the Marauders are actually an ancient group that was recently revived. Couple those rumors with a set of secret rooms that only the sorting hat can tell you how to access… Comedy gold mine my brothers."
"You're right, this is the eternal prank. You are making new pranksters and giving them a completely secret lair to work their evil! You are a genius!"
"Oi, Fred, come here and have a look at this room! It's like flying!"
Harry showed them around the various rooms and explained some of the charms that made it all work.
"Well that takes care of the educational part of the afternoon. Now, down to business."
"What do you have for us, mate?"
"Well it's a little out of your usual realm, but like I said I am giving you first refusal rights. You guys remember the Gravediggers I brought to the wedding? It turns out that not all of the ingredients for that are available here so I have been improvising. These are a couple my variations. Slughorn and I have been busy working on getting the patent for these and a few other new potions."
"So what's so great about this stuff? The Gravediggers were good and all, but a new drink isn't exactly my idea of groundbreaking stuff worth closing the shop over."
"Nah, I made you close the shop to show you this set of rooms. This is all just an excuse to drink with you guys. First up is Gryffindor Courage. It's a little less intoxicating than the original blend, but instead inspires confidence and courage. Before Hermione even knew she was drinking, she was making fun of McGonagall and laughing in the face of rules everywhere. I've already got a steady customer in McGonagall. She swears it helps get rid of headaches inspired by overly sneaky Gryffindors."
"You got Hermione pissed? And McGonagall didn't have an aneurysm?"
"Pissed as a Lord! It was entertaining. Next up is Badger's Heart. Inspires friendship and loyalty. No more angry drunks, Slughorn loves me for this one. Apparently one of his best mates is an angry drunk. Raven's Sight is a fun mix, but don't overindulge. Trust me, it isn't always fun."
"What does that one do?"
"Well in addition to getting you pissed, it improves your memory (or at least you think it does) and it also inspires "visions" and "contact" with other worlds. Basically, it's Luna Lovegood in a bottle. Drink enough and you will swear the Quibbler is a factual publication, because you've seen half those creatures!"
"Wow, that's odd, but it sounds like some of the ingredients could be useful in other parts of our venture. What do you think George, Seer Suckers? Lick the Lolli and see the future?"
"Could work Fred, lets work on those later."
"Anyway, we still haven't worked out a good Slytherin themed drink yet. We're still working on that. I've been kind of busy getting the Manor up and running."
"Tell you what, give us some samples of what you've got and let us get back to you later. We don't really do alcohol at out shop, but we may branch out if we think it's really a profitable venture. Your drinks, our business sense… "Potter's Potent Potables" I can see it now… Triple P, a wholly owned subsidiary of Triple W."
"Who owns who guys? Work with me here."
"We can work out the details later. By the way, I need to borrow a book from your library."
"Sure thing. Which one? 1001 Dirty Tricks? Don't Get Mad, Get Even; A guide to revenge? Steal This Book? I bought that last one for the title alone."
"Nope, What I did to an entire conclave of Veela and How I did it. by Mr. Black."