February 1. On Thursday night, Joey paced around her bedroom, packing for the senior trip. She was a jumble of nerves and excitement, and had spent the past several evenings packing and re-packing her duffel bag. On the bed was the senior trip form with Bessie's signature, a requirement to get on the bus in the morning along with a signed medical release form. Joey picked it up to read it for the hundredth time.
CAPESIDE HIGH SENIOR CLASS SKI TRIP — The Spruce Pines Lodge, Mount Snow, VT
Dates: Friday, February 2nd to Sunday, February 4th
Drop Off Time: 7:45 am Friday, February 2nd
Pick Up Time: 4:00 pm Sunday, February 4th
Transportation: Boston Charter Bus Company
Food: The lodge provides complimentary breakfast. Students will need money for their other meals and any snacks ($15 a day should cover it).
Joey set the form aside again. After all her clothes were packed, she went to retrieve her toiletry bag. For the longest time, she used to keep her bag under the sink in the bathroom, but for the past several months, she kept it safely in her top dresser drawer, taking it back and forth with her when she needed to use it. Unfortunately, she didn't trust Bessie not to snoop. For inside the bag she'd not only placed her toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and other basic essentials, but also her birth control pills.
Opening the dresser drawer, she pulled out her toiletry bag and the brown paper bag underneath it. She brought them over to the bed. Once she'd placed the toiletry bag inside her duffel, the phone rang. Joey walked out of her bedroom and into the kitchen, picking up the cordless.
"Potter B&B."
"Hey, Joey."
"Oh, hey, Jen. What's up?"
"Pacing the house aimlessly, willing the clock to move forward to the morning. You?"
Laughing, she took the cordless back to her bedroom and shut the door. "Same."
"Please. Aimlessly? Doesn't sound like Joey Potter."
"Okay, so maybe I'm not aimless. I'm obsessively packing and unpacking and repacking."
"I can imagine." Jen sighed. "I kinda feel bad that we're going away for this weekend of teenage madness and mayhem, and Dawson is stuck in the hospital with a dying Mr. Brooks. I feel bad for Grams, too. She wants me to have fun, but…"
"Yeah, I know. But Dawson had told me months ago that he didn't even want to go on the senior trip."
"Oh, he didn't tell you? He'd changed his mind and signed up at the deadline."
"You're kidding." Joey didn't know what to make of that.
"Nope. He said he was excited about getting out of Capeside and just being with his friends all weekend and making some really bad decisions, which is a totally un-Dawson-Leery-like thing to say. He really didn't tell you he was gonna go?"
"No, he didn't say a word about it." Her face went red, imaging a scenario where she was trying to devote all her time locked up inside the cabin with Pacey, yet Dawson was constantly around, wanting to hang out with them. She shuddered at the thought.
"Huh. Well, either way, now he's not going because of Mr. Brooks. So, what is it that you're currently packing, I wonder?"
Joey heard the teasing in her voice. "Well, right now I'm about to pack my birth control warehouse."
Jen laughed. "And what exactly is in the warehouse?"
She held the phone with her shoulder and opened the brown paper bag. "About twenty condoms and there's spermicide in here, too. I think I'll be leaving the spermicide behind. It doesn't exactly scream romantic or spontaneous."
"What kind of condoms you got?"
"I don't know. All different kinds."
"Different brands?"
"No. They're all Durex."
"Sizes?"
Joey looked over her shoulder at her bedroom door, listening for the sound of any movement outside it. Bodie had the night off from the restaurant and he was with Bessie watching TV in the living room. Then she upended the paper bag onto her bed, the condoms spilling out, wrappers of all different colors. "A variety of sizes."
"You do know Pacey's size, right?"
She felt herself blush. "Um, well, I've never measured, but he's… well… I guess he's…"
"Well-endowed. It's important that you use the right size, as I'm sure you remember from sex ed class with Ms. Dunlap. Are any of those Durex Maximums? I know he buys those."
Her fingers moved the condoms around as she read the labels. Her eyes zeroed in on the ones with black wrappers. "There's only three Maximums. I kind of doubt that's enough. Do you think it's enough?"
"How much sex do you plan on having, Joey?" her friend laughed.
"I don't know. A lot? I mean, we'll be up there for three days." Then something twinged inside her. "Um, Jen… how do you know what condoms Pacey buys?"
Silence. "Well… Joey, I'm sure you remember that stupid pact me and Pacey made junior year."
A knot twisted in her stomach. "I thought nothing happened."
"Nothing did happen. But that doesn't mean we didn't, you know, try to make something happen."
"Oh." The knot loosened, but her face fell and she frowned.
"Joey, he never once put on a condom when we were messing around, I swear. I only know that he had them in his possession. Nothing ever got to the point where he even could put on one, if you know what I mean."
"Uh, yeah… I think so?"
"He never got an erection, Joey," she said, speaking plainly. "And seeing as how, as far as I know, he probably never had any problems in that area where Ms. Jacobs and Andie were concerned, I can only conclude that I just didn't do it for him."
She scoffed, sitting on the bed. "Did you really have to bring up Andie and that… woman right at this moment?" she reproached.
"Sorry."
"Anyway, I doubt you were the problem, Jen."
"Oh, I know I wasn't. You were the problem. There was only one girl in Capeside Pacey had a hard-on for, and it sure wasn't me."
She shook with breathy laughter. Then she scooped up the three condoms with the black wrappers and placed them in her toiletry bag. She flushed with excitement and a stupid grin spread across her face. "Jen… this time tomorrow night, I won't be a virgin anymore." Joey Potter: Virginal Prude, gone forever. She couldn't wait.
"I'm very happy for you, and Pacey, too. Are you nervous at all about this weekend?"
"Um, yes and no. I'm not that nervous about the sex part, but I kind of… don't know what to do to make that happen."
"Well, you see, Joey, when a boy really likes a girl, his penis will—"
She laughed. "That's not what I mean, Jen! I just…" She picked up the senior trip permission form that was on the bed. "Okay, so it's like a four-hour bus ride to the ski resort, and taking into consideration that we're stopping for lunch on the way there, we'll probably be in Vermont at the Spruce Pines Lodge around one o'clock in the afternoon at the earliest."
"Joey, I thought we had this figured out already. Jack and I will get the room keys, and then give you and Pacey the wrong ones… accidentally on purpose."
"Yeah, but then what? I keep picturing it with the fireplace going and candles lit around the cabin."
"Did you pack candles, Joey?" she giggled.
Her cheeks grew crimson. "Shut up, Jen."
"I'm shutting up."
"The point is… there's a lot of time between when we first get there and, you know, later. I want to surprise him, and I want it to be romantic, and I just… I really want it to be perfect."
"So, what I'm hearing, is that you're a little out of sorts about being the grand initiator and pulling the whole thing off, is that it?"
"Yeah, kind of."
"Well, when the moment is right, I think you'll know exactly what to do. Have some faith in yourself. And I bet there will be plenty of things to do during the day to keep you guys busy, like skiing or snowboarding, if you're into that kind of thing, which I for one am not. I'm sure the ski lodge will offer plenty of distractions before you get to the, uh, indoor sports."
Joey chuckled and took a deep breath. "Yeah. Distractions."
The next morning, Gretchen picked her up and drove her and Pacey to the high school parking lot. Two chartered buses were waiting to transport their senior class to the Spruce Pines Lodge. Students and parents milled about, saying their goodbyes. Gretchen opened the back door of her 1989 Land Rover, and Joey grabbed both her and Pacey's duffel bags, swinging them over her shoulder.
"You don't need to carry both our bags, Jo."
"They're not heavy, Pace."
He reached into the car and took out the brown paper shopping bag full of snacks and magazines and other random things to keep them entertained on the long bus ride to Vermont. After closing the door, Gretchen joined them to say goodbye.
"The Senior Ski Trip is a Capeside rite of passage, absolutely chock-full of the cruel and unusual."
"Knowing our class, I highly doubt it," Joey said, glancing over her shoulder at her classmates loading their bags on the buses.
"Well, let's just say when I went, somebody got pregnant, somebody got arrested, and this one girl's hair caught on fire."
"Then it's a miracle the school still allows this trip," Joey snarked.
Pacey had no intentions of doing anything so reckless as to involve law enforcement, and he was fairly certain that his chance of having actual sex this weekend was just like every other weekend that came before it: slim to none. But if the stars somehow magically aligned, well, then he was at least prepared to prevent getting her pregnant. "Joey will probably keep me out of jail and Lamaze," he said, before turning to his girlfriend. "And I guess I'll watch out for your hair."
Gretchen smiled. "Well, have fun," she said, pulling him into a hug. "You've both earned it."
Blushing, Joey said goodbye and turned with her boyfriend to join their classmates. When they reached the bus and the open lower compartment for luggage storage, he tried to take the duffel bags from her. "I can do it, Pacey."
He shook his head. Stubborn as ever.
Jen and Jack then approached. "You're gonna have some fun this weekend," he told her.
"Ha! Fun. That's not likely. I mean, come on. Senior trips are notoriously awful. And, as a rule of thumb, anything you look forward to for too long is invariably a disappointment."
Pacey grinned. "The eternal optimist speaks."
Joey shot her friend a pointed look. "Gee, thanks, Jen."
Her mouth fell open. "I didn't mean… you know, for other people. I meant me. Anything I look forward to for any length of time usually ends up a disaster. I doubt you guys will be disappointed. I'm sure you will all have fun this weekend."
The corners of Jack's mouth twitched. "Nice save," he muttered under his breath, and Jen stared at Joey with wide eyes, silently pleading for forgiveness.
With another pointed look, Joey sighed, and turned from them.
"So, what are my chances of getting you on a snowboard, Grace?"
"About the same chance as you getting me pregnant, Will."
Laughing, Pacey shook his head as he turned away from his friends, and then took Joey by the hand, entwining their fingers. "You know, this is exactly what we need."
She smiled. "And what is that?"
"Well, it's good for us to get out of town."
"Tell me about it. Capeside has a way of making you feel trapped. I know this bus is no True Love, and I can almost guarantee the Spruce Pines Lodge is no Key West, but…" She blushed again despite herself. "It'll be good to get away."
Smiling, he squeezed her hand. Just then, Nick Delaney, that tool on the basketball team, opened one of the bus windows, and shouted, "Everyone who plans on getting laid this weekend, get on board!" Their classmates erupted in laughter, whistles, and cheers. Pursing her lips to stop herself from grinning like a fool, Joey refused to look at Pacey.
"I guess Potter here won't be getting on."
Groaning inwardly, Pacey and Joey turned to see Drue Valentine standing there, with Anna Evans beside him.
"Lucy, Ricky… we gotta stop meetin' like this," Drue quipped. "You remember Anna?"
"Hey, guys," she said excitedly.
"Hi," Pacey greeted. "Don't you have to be a student at this school to go on the trip?"
Drue grinned. "We worked something out."
Frowning, Joey turned around, but not before seeing Anna smirking, her eyes twinkling in Pacey's direction. Unable to help it, something clutched inside her, that seed of jealousy beginning to germinate. She was soon seated on the bus beside her boyfriend, taking two seats in the middle while Jen and Jack took the seats in front of them. While seated, she watched Drue and Anna board. The girl walked in front of him, scanning the rows for seats. Her eyes quickly found Pacey and she excitedly pointed in his direction. Drue nodded. Then they were sitting right behind them. Closing her eyes, Joey took a deep steadying breath.
"Isn't this great, you guys?" Anna said happily, reaching between the seats to squeeze Pacey's arm.
He mumbled noncommittally and then turned to Joey, who scowled at him. He cleared his throat and pulled free of the girl's touch. Then Mr. Kasdan began taking roll call at the front of the bus. He soon called out Joey's name, and then he called for Penelope Price.
"Here!" Anna responded behind them.
With arched brows, Pacey turned back to Drue. "You really think you're gonna get away with this?"
"Please. By the time our absentminded professor notices the difference, we'll be halfway up the mountain. And, uh… know what would really suck?" He leaned forward to Pacey, lowering his voice. "Bein' the only guy not chalkin' one up this weekend, am I right?"
He clenched his jaw. He wasn't about to let the jerkoff goad him. "You're a real douche, you know that?"
"Valentine!" Mr. Kasdan shouted.
"Here!"
"Witter!"
"Here!"
Drue grinned, his eyes narrowing, before leaning towards Joey. "You know, not that I give a shit about Witter's happiness, because I don't, but as a guy I gotta speak up here. How long are you gonna keep stringing the poor bastard along? Piss or get off the pot."
Pursing her lips into a hard, angry line, she turned around to face him. "So, would you like a broken nose now, or when we get to the lodge?"
"An attitude like that is gonna land you in jail someday, Potter. But hey, maybe they'll let you share a cell with your daddy."
"You son of a bitch," Pacey spat, anger welling up inside, as he started to get up from his seat, Joey grabbed his arm, pulling him down. "He's not worth getting thrown off the bus," she said.
"Drue, be nice." Despite Anna's words of admonishment, she'd said them with the same tone of voice she used for practically everything: perky cheerfulness.
Joey rolled her eyes. "You know, Anna, I'm kind of surprised a girl from Chatham Academy would even want to go on Capeside's run-of-the-mill ski trip. I mean, doesn't your school's senior trip usually entail some ritzy excursion to places like New York City?"
"Well, yeah. We're going to Chicago next month. That doesn't mean I can't have fun in Vermont this weekend."
Again, Drue leaned forward towards Joey and lowered his voice. "When I first asked her, she wasn't really that interested, but after I told her Pacey was gonna be on the trip, well, she couldn't pack her bags fast enough."
With an annoyed huff, she turned in the seat and faced forward.
"Don't let him get to you," Pacey whispered, reaching over to hold her hand.
"I can't believe we have to sit in front of them for the next five hours."
"Just think about the destination, Jo. I'm sure once we're there, we can easily avoid any unwanted company."
Suddenly Mr. Kasdan was clapping his hands. "Okay, everyone, I'm leaving you here with Ted." He clasped the driver's shoulder. "I'll be on the other bus until we arrive at Spruce Pines. You are all required to be on your best behavior and show respect to the driver. He's been instructed to report any unruliness when we arrive at the lodge." He then stepped off the bus.
Forty-five minutes later, Pacey and Joey sat huddled together, keeping their voices low, snacking on candy. Behind them, Drue Valentine had pulled out a raunchy, adult version of Mad Libs and was yelling up at the driver to give him various nouns, verbs, and adjectives. Soon he had everyone laughing.
"Well, that was fun," Drue announced. "Now let's move on to game two."
Pacey and Joey turned slightly to look at him, and he met their gaze with a mischievous glint in his eye. Anna stood up behind them and started walking up and down the center aisle, distributing sheets of paper and pencils to everyone. When she reached them last, she handed over two papers and two pencils, flashing Pacey a brilliant smile and winking at him.
With a scowl on her face, Joey looked down to read the paper.
CAPESIDE HIGH SENIOR CLASS PRE-SKI TRIP SEX QUIZ
1) Are you a virgin? (If yes, skip #2-17. That means you, Potter.)
2) How old were you when you first had sex?
3) What did it feel like to lose your virginity?
4) Do you wish you had waited longer? Or done it sooner?
5) If yes, what age do you wish you'd had it?
6) How many people have you had sex with?
7) How old is the oldest person you've had sex with?
8) How many times have you been in love?
9) How many casual hookups have you had?
10) How long do you think you could go without sex?
11) Do you like dirty talk in bed?
12) Do you like to be dominant or passive?
13) Where is the strangest place you've had sex?
14) Have you ever had sex more than once in a day?
15) What's your favorite sexual position?
16) What's your favorite part of sex?
17) Who is the best sex you've ever had?
18) Do you plan to have sex on the ski trip?
19) Why do you want to have sex?
20) What are you thinking about right now?
Joey's face burned. She turned to look at Pacey. He met her eyes, blushing. Drue was still standing up behind them. "Now, don't worry," he assured them all. "It's totally anonymous. Don't write your names on it. Just fill it out, then we'll collect them and my good friend Penelope here will read out some of her favorite answers."
Jaw clenching, Joey crumpled the quiz in her hand and tossed it back over her shoulder at Drue. He snickered. She watched her boyfriend tap his pencil against his own paper. "You can fill it out if you want to, Pace," she told him, even though her insecurities over how he'd answer the questions started to gnaw at her.
He shrugged, still blushing. "It's something to do, I guess." He looked down over the quiz while Joey leaned forward to talk to Jen and Jack, who were laughing together over their own twenty questions. He hoped her irritation and refusal to answer them had more to do with Drue and Anna getting under her skin, and not that it was a sign she still wanted to avoid any sex discussion. Putting his mind to the task, he began to move his pencil over the paper.
"Are you gonna let me read it when you're done?" Joey asked, curious despite herself.
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"It's supposed to be anonymous."
She crossed her arms with a huff and he laughed.
Fifteen minutes later, a smiling Anna retrieved his paper. "I can't wait to read it," she said, her tone full of suggestion.
Pacey snorted, chuckling to himself. The girl sure was obvious. Then his face fell as he noticed his girlfriend scowling at him. "She gets to read it?" she challenged, brows arching.
He gulped. "It's just a stupid game, Jo." Her face was still hard, and he felt panic rising up. He didn't want to start fighting and ruin the trip. "There's nothing worth reading, honest. Besides, most of that stuff you already know about me. There's no one who knows my history better than you do."
She stared at him, his tender smile, his affectionate gaze, and she melted. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
Behind them, Anna started reading off people's anonymous answers, to most everyone's amusement. Things got weird and quiet when she picked out the "winner" of the virginity-lost-at-what-age question. The winning age was clearly not an answer anyone wanted to hear. But soon the whole bus was laughing again. Apparently, some of their classmates decided to write entire paragraphs to answer the how-did-it-feel-to-lose-their-virginity question, there being an equal divide between the good, the embarrassing, and the downright awful.
"Oh, ho, ho, I think we found a winner for question seven," Anna called out with glee. "Someone on this bus slept with a thirty-five-year-old?" She started giggling.
Almost in unison, a bunch of the guys on board—mostly belonging to the school's various sports teams—shouted, "Witter!" Then they proceeded to whistle and applaud.
He blushed, embarrassed. Next to him, Joey heaved a sigh. Her mood was circling the drain.
"Hey, Ted!" Drue shouted up at the driver. "You got any Van Halen on this thing? Could you play 'Hot for Teacher'?" The bus erupted in another round of laughter.
"Wow, Pacey," Anna cooed, and glanced down at the paper again. "Looks like you've had some years of experience, in more ways than one."
He sighed and refused to look at Joey until they moved on to other questions and more hilarious answers. Pacey was thankful, although not surprised, that nothing else from his quiz was mentioned.
"So, question seventeen, who's the best sex you've ever had," Anna recited.
Lost in her own thoughts, Joey closed her ears to her classmates' answers and laughter. She wondered who Pacey had written down for that question: Andie or Ms. Jacobs. Maybe it was a good thing he hadn't allowed her to read his quiz. She wasn't sure she truly wanted to know. Either way, she was sure she would be compared, unlike herself, who had nothing and no one else to compare it to.
In the early afternoon, they arrived at the Spruce Pines Lodge. The lodge was made up of one large main building containing the lobby and a relaxed restaurant/bar, clusters of rooms and suites set in rustic cabins, and surrounded by pine trees. The lodge offered shuttle service every thirty minutes to designated resort stops, including mountain drop-offs and pick-ups for skiers, and guests going to the nearby downtown area.
Once they were off the charter bus and the lower luggage compartments were open, Joey pulled both duffel bags out. They suddenly seemed heavier than this morning. She started to trudge away from the bus, Pacey coming up beside her.
"Okay, Miss Self-Reliance, please let me give you a hand."
"I carried 'em to the bus. I can carry 'em from the bus."
Seeing she clearly felt overburdened, he sighed, shaking his head at her determined stubbornness. "This is ridiculous. Come on." He took the bags from her shoulder and slung them across his chest.
Feeling relieved, she smiled. "Thanks."
The students were soon in a huddle in front of Mr. Kasdan. "Okay, everyone, listen up. We don't want to crowd the lobby, so please send only one person per room to check in at the reception desk and get your room keys. The rest of you can wait out here for your roommates to go to your assigned cabins."
"Me and Jen will go check in and get the keys," Jack said to Pacey.
He smiled. "Cool. Thanks. I can watch your bags."
Joey exchanged a long, knowing look with Jen before she watched her friend turn to head up to the lodge's main building. Then she rubbed her gloved hands together. "It's a lot colder up here than in Capeside."
"Yeah."
"Hey, guys!"
Inwardly groaning, Joey turned at the sound of annoying, blond perkiness and frowned at the sight of Anna in her pink ski bunny jacket.
Pacey laughed to himself. "Hi, Anna."
"I hope our cabins are close together," the girl said, smiling up at him adoringly. "If not, we can always hang in the hot tubs, right?"
He cleared his throat as Joey's face hardened. "Uh… I don't know if we have hot tub plans, but we'll be sure to let you know if we do."
"Great! I really hope I get to see you later." She smiled and walked away.
Her arms crossed, tongue firmly planted in cheek, Joey glared at Pacey.
He balked. "What did I do? I was just being polite."
"Mm-hmm." Then she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. "I'm gonna go find Jen."
"Okay, well… I guess I'll see you later, right?" Her bad mood was making his stomach twist.
"Yes, you'll see me later, Pacey," she said over her shoulder as she walked away.
She found her friends just as they were coming out the lobby doors. "Here you go," Jen said, handing her a key. "Cabin number twelve. Me and Jack will be in number twenty-three, and he'll give Pacey the other key to twelve."
"So far apart," she commented, taking the key.
"Yeah, well you guys happen to get a king bed suite," Jack said. "We're down with the lowly doubles."
"How'd you manage to get a suite?"
Jen smiled. "The guy behind the desk was super cute and I told him it was my eighteenth birthday today, so he upgraded the room. You're welcome."
"Wow, thank you." Joey stared at the key in her hand, her face going red. She looked up at her friends. "Well… wish me luck."
They laughed. "You don't need luck, Joey. Just relax. Everything will be fine," Jack said. "You'll see."
She hurried off to find cabin twelve.
It was a two-room cabin, rustic and cozy. The stone fireplace was the definite centerpiece as you walked into the room. A king bed sat flush against the wall to her right. The décor was typical of a mountain lodge, with pine tree and moose patterns everywhere. She dropped her duffel bag on the floor in front of one of the dressers. A few minutes later, the door opened and in walked Pacey, Jack coming in behind him. Only one of them looked shocked to see her there.
"What are you doin' here?"
She laughed, pulling out the key from her jeans pocket. "Cabin twelve. I'm supposed to be here."
Pacey looked down at the key in his hand. "Cabin twelve." Then he turned to Jack.
"Cabin twenty-three," he said, holding up his own key and feigning surprise. "Huh. Well, I guess I'm the one who doesn't belong here. We must've gotten the keys mixed up."
"Jen must have the other key to twenty-three," Joey replied, fighting a grin. "I was wondering where she was. Well, me and Pacey can share. I doubt Mr. Kasdan is gonna come knocking. Do you mind, Pace?"
He gaped, his eyes going wide. "Do I mind? Sharing a room with my girlfriend for a whole weekend instead of this guy?" He thumbed at Jack. "No offense, dude."
"None taken," he laughed. "Have fun, you two."
Moments later, he was gone, and they were alone. Then Pacey dropped his bags unceremoniously on the floor, and came at Joey, lifting her in his arms with a growling laugh, her legs going around him, and plopping them down on the bed. She giggled beneath him. "I told you you'd see me later."
"Yeah, I guess you did." Her bad mood from earlier seemed to have dissipated, filling him with pleasant relief. He lowered his mouth and claimed hers in a slow, longing kiss. Pulling away, sweetly brushing her nose with his, he saw her smile, and the butterflies came alive in his gut.
"I've been waiting to do that all day, Potter."
She gazed up at him as he hovered over her. The air in the room changed, becoming electric, heated. Lust began to darken his blue eyes. Her body clenched, and then her stomach growled, ruining the moment.
He laughed. "You hungry? You didn't eat much when we stopped for lunch."
She sat up as he moved off her. She was hungry for more than just food. "Uh, yeah, a little. You got any snacks left in your shopping bag?"
They spent the next couple hours unpacking their bags, placing clothes in the dresser drawers, snacking on junk food, and lounging in front of the television. "This place has way more channels than I do," he said, pointing the remote at the TV. "I should talk Gretchen into upgrading our cable."
Joey glanced at the clock. It was still a few hours before it got dark out, and she still hadn't quite mastered her plan. She didn't even have a plan, if she was honest with herself. What was she going to do? Just pull the condoms out of her toiletry bag and say, 'Okay, let's do it?' Pacey was the one with the talent for grand romantic gestures. She felt like a fool who didn't know what they were doing. Well, that's what she was. Inexperienced.
"You wanna go for a walk and check out the place? Maybe head into town? We could take the shuttle."
"Sure," he replied with a smile.
Capeside High seniors had completely taken over the lodge. It was a good thing the school rented out the whole place because if other guests had also been there, they surely would've raised hell. All around them, students were carrying skis or snowboards, sledding, getting into snowball fights, or just running around, cabin to cabin, blowing off steam from being pent-up on a bus for hours.
The sun began to set as they walked around the picturesque town, checking out the window displays of the small quaint shops and restaurants. While standing in front of one such window, their friends came upon them. "Make way for the cripple," Jack announced, Jen on his arm, limping. "I fell earlier. It's just a bruise."
Joey exchanged a look with Jen, whose eyes were asking her a very specific question. She gave her an almost imperceptible shake of her head.
Jen smacked her lips. "So, uh, you guys going to Grecco's?"
"It's a pizza place," Jack explained. "Supposed to be right up the street here, actually. Red checkered tablecloths, high school prices."
Pacey looked at Joey. "Sounds fun," she said.
"You wanna get some real food?"
She smiled. "I could eat." She turned back to Jen. "You sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm just gonna put my best foot forward."
No sooner had they started walking up the street, Jen had slipped on the ice and fallen flat on her back. They quickly went to her, helping her up. "You know what, it's obviously too dangerous for me to be out here in public. I might crack a rib next."
"Sorry about dinner, guys," Jack said. "But I think I'll take Jen back to the lodge."
"That's okay," Joey replied.
"You should definitely go and get some pizza, though," Jen told them. "We'll see you later."
They watched their friends walk away, one of them now limping even more. Joey turned to Pacey with a look of sympathy. "Poor Jen."
"Well, she called it," he quipped, taking her by the hand and starting to walk again.
"What?"
"You know, back at the school parking lot. She said anything you look forward to for a long time will just be a disappointment."
"Oh." Something in the pit of her stomach knotted. "Is that how you feel?"
He laughed. "We're having a good time so far, aren't we? Well, other than that bus ride. That could've been better, I'll admit."
"Tell me about it."
The restaurant was filled with Capeside High students, and they were soon seated side by side at a table in front of a large window overlooking the darkening street. They shared pizza and drank sodas and Joey grew more nervous with each passing minute. When their waitress dropped off the check, Pacey pulled out his wallet and gave her the cash. Then to her horror, Drue and Anna were suddenly sitting down at their table across from them.
"Hey, guys." Drue flashed them a shit-eating grin.
"Oh, brother," Joey muttered.
"It's good to see you, Pacey." Anna flashed a bright smile, her eyes twinkling.
He cleared his throat. "Mm-hmm. Thanks."
Drue sneered in Joey's direction and she glowered at him. They were then almost immediately joined by Meghan Arliss, her on-again-off-again boyfriend Jim Connelly, and two other classmates. The waitress returned to the table, and after Drue ordered two pitchers of soda, Anna started pouring for everyone.
The conversation was quickly steered to the sex quiz on the bus earlier. "So, Witter, do you want to entertain us with any sordid stories? Come on, the teacher… I wasn't in Capeside then, so I'd love to hear a firsthand account. She must've rocked your world. I have to hand it to you. Not many high school sophomores could land a chick in her thirties."
"Maybe because it's illegal, Drue," Joey spat. "The woman belongs in jail."
Pacey stared at her for a second. The whole thing was so complicated. He knew what had happened was wrong, but he didn't think Tamara was a bad person. "That's a little harsh, Jo," he said quietly.
"You're defending her?" She couldn't believe it.
"No, but… I'm more ashamed of my actions than hers, and I wouldn't want her sitting in a jail cell because of me."
Drue smiled gleefully. "This is getting interesting. Okay, so the teacher thing is a hot button. We'll pass on that. Now, what about Andie McPhee? I mean, the girl was crazy as a loon so she must've been a tomcat in the sack, am I right?"
The table immediately went quiet as everyone except Anna and Drue threw uneasy glances in Pacey's direction. His face hardened and his jaw clenched. His hand curled into a fist on the table. Memories of the rave came back to him, the drugs the guy had given Jen that sent Andie to the hospital. White hot rage flooded his insides, scalding his chest.
"You've got some nerve even speaking her name after what you did. You say one more word about her, and I'll break your fuckin' jaw."
Drue shook his head in disbelief. "Always with the violent threats, Witter."
"Come on, now. We're supposed to be having fun," Anna said cheerfully.
"Said who?" Joey mumbled.
Pacey glanced at her uneasily. "Let's just go."
"Aww, no." Anna frowned. "Come on, you guys. Stay and have fun with us. Drue will behave himself, I promise. Or he won't be having any fun later."
Drue chuckled. "Incredible. Girls have all the power when it comes to sex. It's so much easier for you to get what you want. Us guys are just at your mercy. Right, Witter?"
With a look of contempt, Pacey could only shake his head at the guy.
Then Anna began boldly entertaining the table with stories of her sexual adventures, including losing her virginity at the age of sixteen in the back of a college football player's BMW, seducing multiple guys into infidelity just for the fun of it, and sharing her unique thoughts on both male and female anatomy, before culminating in a story about a guy she met last summer who wanted to try the 69 position the backseat of his Dodge Neon.
Pacey sat there, trying not to make eye contact with anyone across the table. Drue was purposely antagonizing Joey to get a reaction out of her, and Anna was sitting there looking at him like he was a juicy steak and she hadn't eaten in three weeks. The only thing he wanted to do was leave.
"Oh, what's the matter, Potter? No personal experiences to contribute on the girls-just-wanna-have-fun front?"
She bristled at the inexperienced jab. "The amount of sexual pleasure the average teenage girl gets from the average teenage guy in some random keg party hook-up is negligible at best," Joey said to Drue, her tone full of scorn.
"Unless you're doing it with a man who knows what he's doing," Anna said coyly, gazing pointedly at Pacey.
He gulped, feeling her eyes on him, and picked up his cup and drank. He tried to look anywhere but at her, and then began spinning his soda cup on the tabletop.
Joey stared at Anna. At first, she'd been annoyed and unamused, but the more the girl kept making eyes at Pacey with every lurid detail of her exploits, the more that seed of jealousy had begun to take root. Growing like a noxious weed, its long grabby tendrils were now moving through her, within her, wrapping around her arms and legs and gut and heart and mind, clutching her hard in its grip until Pacey's sexual history with Ms. Jacobs and Andie, and Anna's obvious designs on Pacey were all she could think about.
"I rest my case," Drue said, before raising his voice to address the crowded dining room full of their classmates. "Girls have it way easier than guys do. There's no performance anxiety, and once they decide to do it, all they have to do is ask. They should be the ones carrying the condoms around in their wallets."
The guys in the room started cheering in agreement.
Joey bristled at the notion of men keeping condoms in their wallets for those just-in-case scenarios. It brought back painful memories she didn't want to think about right now. Then she thought of her own stash of condoms currently in her toiletry bag back at the cabin. What an utter moron. "Who said some girls don't carry condoms? Besides, not every guy walks around with a condom in his wallet, Drue."
"Well, there's only one way to find out," Anna said, addressing the crowd of onlookers. "Guys, let's go. Wallets."
And then pretty much every guy inside the restaurant took out their wallet and pulled out a condom, but Pacey only stared down at the table. There was no way he was going to pull his out and humiliate his girlfriend in front of everyone.
"Pacey, I don't see your wallet," Anna cooed.
"I left it back at the lodge."
Joey turned sharply to stare at him. She'd seen him take his wallet out earlier to pay for their dinner, and he knew she knew he had it, so he certainly couldn't be lying for her benefit.
"I really wanna go now," Pacey said to her. "Can we go, please?"
"You don't have to ask me twice." Joey stood up from her chair. Then she glared at Drue and Anna. "Thanks for the after-dinner conversation. It was absolutely riveting as always," she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
Once they were out on the sidewalk and away from everyone, she decided to confront him. "Hey, Pace, uh, why didn't you want to show your wallet in there?"
"Because I didn't want to embarrass you in front of that minion from hell."
"I take it that means you've got a condom, right?"
Heaving a sigh, he came to a stop and removed his wallet from the back left pocket of his jeans, handing it over to her. She took it from him and opened it. Her eyes quickly saw the edge of a familiar black wrapper and pulled it out. Jen was right: Durex Maximum. She put it back and returned his wallet, saying nothing. She didn't know what to think or feel. Her emotions were a complicated mess.
They walked in silence to the downtown pick-up spot, and fortunately made it in time for the eight o'clock shuttle. They sat alone in the very back row, away from the small group of skiers up at the front, happily chatting with the driver about their day spent on the mountain.
Joey's silence was driving Pacey crazy. "So… are we gonna talk about this?"
"What's there to talk about?"
"Something is definitely bothering you. Is it Drue? Anna?" He sighed. "Is it the condom? Because the fact that I have it means nothing unless you want it to, but now you're obviously upset about something—"
"Look, I'm not upset, Pacey. You're a guy. It's what guys do. It's not a big deal."
He shook his head. "Okay, I hear the words, Jo, but the tone tells me something else."
"Pacey, I think it's good that you're prepared to be safe for whenever an opportunity presents itself."
Opportunity? That made it sound like… "Joey, what do you think this condom is for if not for you?"
She took a deep breath. "Look, Pacey, I'm not mad that you have it, okay? I'm really not. I promise."
He had no idea what to say to that, so he said nothing.
Less than fifteen minutes later, they were back at the lodge. The cabin was freezing and Joey chided herself for not keeping the fireplace on when they left earlier that afternoon. While Pacey took a shower, she got the fire going again. She was thankful it was a gas fireplace and there would be no wood chopping involved to keep the room warm all night.
Pacey soon emerged from the bathroom. He'd put his jeans back on, but had changed into a dark green corduroy shirt. Her heart fluttered at the sight; he was so very handsome. Things were still tense between them and she didn't know how to fix it. The jealous weed was threatening to choke her, and she didn't know how to make it go away. Then there was a knock on their door.
Joey answered to see Anna standing on the other side, wearing track pants, a skimpy blue bikini top, barely covered by an unzipped, open hoodie. "Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting," the girl greeted, looking right past her and into the room at Pacey. "I just wanted to remind you guys about the hot tubs."
She stood there holding the door open, staring back at her boyfriend with a pointed look. Then she turned back to Anna. "We get the picture."
"I just wasn't sure if it was clear," she said, still only looking at Pacey.
Joey's face hardened into a sneer. "Crystal."
"Okay, well, see ya!" She flashed him a bright, enthusiastic smile before walking off.
Resisting the urge to call the girl a two-bit floozy, she slammed the door shut and turned to Pacey. He couldn't help it and started laughing. Then he shook his head with a sigh, saying nothing.
"No comment?"
"Not really."
"Really? A virtually topless female comes knocking on our door at nine o'clock at night, asking if Pacey can come out to play, and you don't have any comment?"
"Well, she's not exactly subtle, is she?" he snarked, fighting a grin. "What more is there to say?"
Annoyed, Joey went to her duffel. She bent over it and laid eyes on her toiletry bag. Her stomach twisted as she pulled it out.
"Please tell me we can laugh about this now."
"Laugh about what?" She stood up to face him.
"Anna. Please tell me we can laugh about Anna. Since there's clearly no escaping the girl, we may as well laugh at how ridiculous she is."
"Do you want to escape her? Why don't you go join her in the hot tub?"
"And give you a valid reason to be mad at me? 'Cause that's what you want, right?" Those niggling doubts had returned, swirling inside his head. Surely, she must have realized by now that sharing a room for a whole weekend would mean sex would inevitably come up and here in this cabin, there was no school or work or B&B guests or older siblings to provide convenient excuses to avoid it. But picking a huge fight could certainly get the job done.
"Well, that's the kind of girl you want, right? She's obviously way more fun and exciting and experienced than I am."
He blinked, his face contorting in confusion. "Jo, what are you talking about? Do you honestly think I want that girl? I don't even think about that girl. I don't know what it's going to take for you to believe that you're the only one I want, but there's no sense in me continuing to argue the point if you're so eager to refute it."
She sat on the edge of the bed, and crossed her arms in front of her, dropping her gaze.
"Jo, if you're purposely trying to ruin the weekend, well, you're succeeding."
"I'm not trying to ruin anything. That girl is," she said, still not meeting his eye.
"You know, Potter, sometimes your jealousy is really cute. This is not one of those times."
"Pacey, do you have any idea how it feels to be me right now?"
"Honestly, no. But please tell me 'cause I really wanna know what's going on inside that beautiful head of yours."
She took a deep breath. "Do you know what it's like for me to sit there and listen to people bring up what happened with Ms. Jacobs as if you deserve a medal for it? Or to be reminded of how much you loved Andie? To be reminded of just how physical your relationship was with her? You know, Drue sat there spewing that bile about how girls have it so much easier when it comes to sex. What a load of crap. I hope you didn't believe a word of what he was saying.
"I mean, girls don't have performance anxiety? When we have sex, Pacey, I'll have nothing to compare it to, but that's not the case for you. Do you ever think how I might feel about competing with not only one, but two prior sexual relationships, both of which meant a great deal to you? With two people who made you incredibly happy at the time? Two people who were nothing like me? Who didn't really make you wait for anything? Do you ever think how I might be wondering how I even fit into this picture? Why you want me? How I'll measure up? And then here comes Anna Evans, who clearly fits into that picture a lot better than I do, and she's making it no secret just how much she wants to be number three on your list. And you sit there and have no comment."
He gazed at her, stunned. For the longest time, he honestly hadn't known what she was waiting for. She was enthusiastic when it came to fooling around, didn't seem afraid or hesitant at all, and even initiated a lot of the time, but she refused to go any further and he just didn't understand it. Sex was a completely natural thing to want to do when you were in love. Sex and falling in love went hand in hand. It didn't make any sense to him.
But now he thought it was starting to become clear. She was a virgin, and he wasn't, and that's where the insecurity and jealousy was coming from. Was that what was preventing her from moving their physical relationship forward? Unless there was also some small part of her, whether she was consciously or subconsciously aware of it, that still wished it could've been Dawson, that wasn't ready to let go of that romantic dream scenario of two virgin soulmates sharing their first time. Now, that made sense to him, and he hated just how much sense it made.
"Jo, if I have ever done or said anything to make you feel insecure over my relationships with Andie and Tamara, then I am sorry. If I've ever said or done anything to make you think I am interested in Anna, then I am sorry. Nothing could be further from the truth. And I'm sorry I can't give you what you'd be giving me, that it won't be an equal exchange. You have no idea how sorry I am. I'm sorry I can't be that ideal person you always thought your first time would be with. And so… I'm still scared of that small part of you that always envisioned your first time being with Dawson. That part of you that hoped and dreamed you'd both lose your virginity together. That small part of you that wishes it didn't have to be with someone like me."
"Pacey, you can't pull the Dawson card every time our relationship hits a wall. This has absolutely nothing to do with Dawson. Nothing whatsoever."
"Oh, how I wish that were true."
He started moving towards the door, where he grabbed his coat from the rack in the corner.
"Where are you going, Pacey?"
"I just need to take a walk, Jo. Don't worry. I'll be back."
She frowned as he left the cabin, hot tears pricking her eyes. Her face crumpled and she rushed forward, taking her coat as she went out the door.
Joey was soon knocking on another cabin door and Jack answered. She burst inside their room and saw Jen coming out of the bathroom. "That Anna girl is ruining everything!" she exclaimed, coming further into the room and dropping on the edge of a bed.
Jen walked around to stand in front of her. "What are you talking about, Joey?"
"She's all over Pacey! Regaling him with her sexual escapades in the back seat of various cars. Inviting him to hang out in the hot tub with her. Propositioning him with her eyes and her smiles and her perfect blond hair! And he does nothing to tell her to back off."
"So, the girl has a crush. Let her have it. It's got nothing to do with you and Pacey. You know and I know, as I'm sure all of Capeside knows, that Pacey only has eyes for you."
"But I'm not that girl. That sexy, experienced girl who knows how to make this a really memorable weekend."
Jen's brows knitted. "Joey, what is really bothering you? Because I know it can't actually be this Anna person."
"What's the real problem, Joey?" Jack asked.
"Sex. Sex has always been my problem. I've never done this before. We fool around, but I don't know… this just feels different. And Pacey, he has done this before, plenty of times, with… you know, the other two. He's used to… experience… and so what if… what if I just make an idiot out of myself? He's waited a really long time, and what if I just end up disappointing him? What if we do it, and then he's let down and then someone else comes along who's better?"
Jack moved to sit down on the other bed. "It doesn't sound like sex is your problem. It sounds like fear is your problem. What are you most afraid of? Because I don't think it's sex."
Joey had to swallow against the lump of emotion tightening her throat. "Pacey betraying me, leaving me," she whispered, her chin quivering.
"From one girl with daddy issues to another, I feel you, sister." Then she smiled, looking as if she'd just remembered something, and walked across the room to where her bag was sitting against the wall.
"Pacey may be a lot of things, but disloyal isn't one of them," Jack said. "I'm willing to bet there isn't anyone on the planet he's more loyal to than you. And I've never seen anyone love as strongly as Pacey does."
"I know, I know. Deep down in the bottom of my heart, I know. But… I still feel fear. For sex to take us to this whole new place that's much more serious, more committed, more dependent on each other… and then for something to go wrong and I lose him… I couldn't bear it."
"The only really exciting things in life require more courage than we currently have. You just gotta take a leap of faith. And that fear you're talking about? Sometimes that's how you know what's worthwhile. You wouldn't be afraid to lose it if it wasn't so valuable."
"I know Pacey is worth it. He's worth any risk. I would risk it over and over again. But…" She heaved a sigh. "Anna Evans circles into his orbit and then… I don't know. My insecurities rear their ugly heads."
Jen returned holding a folded piece of paper. "I rescued this from Drue's bag along with mine and Jack's when we stopped for lunch on the way up here, in case that weasel had any intentions of using them for nefarious purposes. You can have it."
"What is it?"
"Pacey's sex quiz."
"How do you know it's his?" she asked, brows knitting. "The quiz was anonymous."
"It wasn't at all hard to figure out which one was Pacey's."
Tentatively, Joey reached out and took the paper. She unfolded it and began to read.
CAPESIDE HIGH SENIOR CLASS PRE-SKI TRIP SEX QUIZ
1) Are you a virgin? (If yes, skip #2-17. That means you, Potter.) Asshole. No
2) How old were you when you first had sex? 15
3) What did it feel like to lose your virginity? Great at the time
4) Do you wish you had waited longer? Yes Or done it sooner? NO
5) If yes, what age do you wish you'd had it? 17 or 18 would've been a lot better
6) How many people have you had sex with? 2
7) How old is the oldest person you've had sex with? 35
8) How many times have you been in love? 2 but the first time doesn't really compare
9) How many casual hookups have you had? Technically none
10) How long do you think you could go without sex? A long time, apparently
11) Do you like dirty talk in bed? Yes
12) Do you like to be dominant or passive? Both I guess
13) Where is the strangest place you've had sex? The ruins
14) Have you ever had sex more than once in a day? No but one can always dream
15) What's your favorite sexual position? Any that I can see her face
16) What's your favorite part of sex? Making her come
17) Who is the best sex you've ever had? I haven't had the best yet
18) Why do you want to have sex? Because I'm in love and I want to be as close to her as possible for the rest of my life. And it feels really good
19) Do you plan to have sex on the ski trip? No but I hope
20) What are you thinking about right now? Joey
Her heart filled with quiet joy. Tears filled her eyes. The noxious weed of jealousy released its crippling hold on her. She looked up at Jen. "Anna's not the one ruining everything."
Jen shook her head.
"I think I'm the one ruining everything," she choked, her voice full of emotion.
Jen nodded.
Taking a deep breath, sniffling and wiping her tears away, Joey steeled herself and tucked the paper inside her jeans pocket. "Okay. I have to go fix this."
"You can do it. We have faith in you."
"Go get your man."
Joey beamed a grateful smile and laughed, before hurrying out the door and back to her and Pacey's cabin, determined to salvage their weekend, to make it as romantic and memorable as possible for the both of them.
A/N: I've been writing these ski trip chapters for a long time. A paragraph here, a paragraph there, lines of dialogue here and there, for months and months. (And not just this, but also other important stuff that will come later down the line.) I've spent a lot of time on this one because I needed to get it right. I loved "A Winter's Tale" when I was a teenager. I was too young and too busy squealing with delight over the last scene to recognize all the bullshit that came before it. I loved this episode. As an adult with a matured perspective on how life and love and sex and relationships work, not so much.
For the record, I love Joey Potter. But sometimes, she drives me fkn nuts. And the writers never worked the hardest to make me hate her than in "A Winter's Tale" and "Four Stories." She goes from wanting to get the time off for the senior trip so much that she's willing to double date with Drue in the previous episode, to acting seriously put out at having to go in the very first scene, treating Pacey like shit the entire episode, then seducing him into bed at the very end, only to wake up the next morning cold and distant and pissy, and then lying to Dawson about the whole thing. WHAT?! Apparently, when Gretchen tells them the senior trip is "absolutely guaranteed to be chock-full of the cruel and unusual," Joey decided to make that her own personal mission.
Pacey's not much better in "Four Stories." I get that a lot of his immature machismo is probably because of how Joey was acting, but imo he wouldn't need to grill her the morning after because he would know. Just look at his and Andie's first time. He wasn't asking her questions he should already know the answers to. Pacey "Friend to Women" Witter would be paying attention during the act because he's utterly selfless when he's in love and he genuinely cares. He wouldn't need to wonder the next morning if his partner enjoyed herself or not. Like, did the writers expect us to believe that Pacey and Joey had sex, and then said nothing to each other afterwards? Just complete silence on the subject until the next day when they start picking stupid fights at the bus terminal? Whatever.
So, I needed to change some things because I do love Joey and I didn't think writing her like a crazy person was fair to her or her relationship. I also adore Pacey, and so admittedly I'm probably mostly doing this for him. Because I need Joey to be the girlfriend Pacey deserves. He always thought he was unworthy of her, when in reality, it was the other way around. And Pacey didn't need to be written so OOC just for the plot contrivance that was Joey's supposed issues with being in a stable, secure, loving young adult relationship with someone who wasn't Dawson.
Anyway, there are certain Pacey/Joey scenes in "A Winter's Tale" that I do really like and wanted to keep. It's an iconic episode with touching scenes people have been talking about for 20 years. It was a fine line keeping those scenes but writing them to be relevant to this story and ultimately true to the characters. I hope I succeeded.