Having been told by Ellis that her daughter had just been in and grabbed her raincoat, and was probably outside catching a cold, he set off to go and find her to let her know her mother was ready to be discharged and go home. As he approached the main doors of the hospital, he spotted her stood by the edge of the pavement, looking up at the sky. He could see her blond waves of hair escaping the hood of her coat. He stopped for a moment just to watch her standing in the rain.

He walked through the doors, not bothering about the rainfall as he only expected to be stood out there for a moment and headed towards her until he heard a voice behind him, shouting his name.

"Derek!"

He turned around, his eyes slightly wide as April approached him, and he almost prayed that Meredith hadn't heard her shouting him as April moved closer and circled his neck with her arms, his own hands reaching to her arms almost in an attempt to stop her but was too late as he felt her lips against his.

When a forced cough from beside them caused her to pull back from him, he felt a drop in his stomach as April's gaze moved to Meredith who stood beside them. He looked at the expression on her face, finding no emotion there for him to read. She was unreadable for the first time he'd ever seen. She didn't look at him, she looked directly at April. He had no idea what she was about to say.

"I assume my mother is ready to be discharged?" He could hear the distaste in her voice. Part of him realised she knew exactly who April was to him.

"Oh, Miss Grey! It's nice to put a face to a name, we spoke on the phone yesterday," April gave her a wide grin, part of her perpetually happy mood that most would find annoying, especially Meredith, he thought.

So I'll ignore her and she'll be really nice to me,
Yeah, I know I'm being bitter and jealous and mean.

His eyes remained on Meredith as he watched her response, she rolled her eyes before looking straight back at April, "So, you're the one who decided to not give me the full details of my mother's condition, meaning I had to get a six hour flight here, when I'm in the middle of my third year of residency, meaning I'm missing out on important surgeries that are vital to my education, when it's not urgent at all for me to be here. Also, it's Doctor Grey."

He watched her walk inside, unable to keep his eyes of her until she was out of sight, at which point he looked back to April, the shock of the interaction apparent on her face. He spoke in a quiet voice, "We should go back inside."

As they walked back inside, April finally managed to say something, "I know her Mom can be a stone-cold bitch, that was next level, though."

"Her Mom's in hospital, April, she's probably just stressed. I have to get up there, I'll see you later," he walked away from her before she could say or do anything more and made his way back to Ellis' room. His mind was racing with his thoughts, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do. He wanted Meredith. She would always come first. But April was here, and she was here for him when his father was sick. He hadn't heard from Meredith since Hawaii, never mind when his father was sick. Surely Meredith had known his father was sick? Ellis had known, so she must've mentioned it to Meredith.

He could hear their conversation as he approached the room and walked in, grabbing the discharge papers from the nurse as he walked past. His eyes quickly scanned the room, Ellis was already dressed, with every intention of leaving and Meredith was stood with one hand on her hip, still in her wet raincoat.

"There you are, Shepherd! Give me those papers," he passed them over without a word, and she took in his demeanour, "Why do you look like you've just taken a swim in the ocean? You should probably go and change before seeing any actual patients once I'm gone."

He nodded, wanting badly to make eye contact with Meredith without making it obvious to Ellis. He wanted to apologise, to explain before she left again. Instead, he kept his focus on Ellis as he spoke, "I'll make sure to do that, Dr Grey."

She passed the papers back to him and he was ready to grab a wheelchair for her when she spoke up, "Don't you dare get a wheelchair for me or you'll be stuck in the ER overnight for the next month. I am very capable of walking and you know that."

He stopped immediately and watched as Meredith grabbed Ellis' bag and then the handle of her own suitcase, ready to walk her mother outside. He stepped towards her, "Do you need any help with that?"

"I'm perfectly capable of carrying a bag, Dr Shepherd, I'm sure you have more important people waiting for you," she gave him a pointed look, letting him know the hidden meaning behind her words.

He stepped back again and nodded; he couldn't blame her for acting this way. But maybe he could be angry. He was reminded again how she hadn't been there for him, surely it didn't matter he was with April now. His attention returned back to Ellis as she spoke again, "I'll be back on Monday, don't get too stuck in neuro while I'm gone, Shepherd."

"Yes ma'am," he gave her a small smile and she simply shook her head at him before walking out of the room, Meredith following close behind her. She gave him one last glance as they walked away, neither of them attempting to communicate with the other before she walked out of his life again. She just turned and continued to walk away. He didn't know what he was going to do. Maybe she didn't know what had happened over the past year? Was she really this cold? She hadn't been earlier that day. She'd practically thrown herself at him by the vending machine.

She found herself sat in a bar that she had spotted as she drove her mother home. Unsurprisingly, her mother didn't live that far from the hospital, so she had managed to walk there. She downed her first shot of tequila, welcoming the burn as it travelled down her throat. She liked to think she hadn't been involved with anyone else for the sake of her career, or at least that's what she told people.

Only Cristina knew the real reason, even if Meredith didn't want to admit it to herself. She was waiting. She was waiting for him. Realistically, she knew it wasn't a reasonable thing for her to do. It's not like they were soulmates or had declared their love for each other. He was just a guy who she met in a bar one time, who also happened to be in Hawaii at the same time as her. And worked as one of her mother's residents. Apparently, he was her mother's favourite resident. And she'd made it clear to him she wasn't about to commit herself to anyone.

She stopped her train of thought as she downed the second shot of her favourite golden liquid, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol fuzz her brain. She pulled her phone out and dialled Cristina's number, listening to the ringing tone against her ear. Just as she was about to give up, Cristina answered, "Meredith! How's the famous Ellis Grey?"

Meredith simply grunted before answering, "Oh, she's alive, perfectly fine. I was dragged all the way out here for nothing. Definitely nothing."

"Have you started drinking already?" She could hear the amusement in Cristina's voice.

"What else am I supposed to do? I'm not flying back till Sunday night, and I'm definitely not sitting around my mother's house, or a hotel room," she explained to her friend before downing a third shot.

"Why? McDreamy not there to keep you satisfied?" Cristina teased her, emphasising the word 'satisfied'.

Meredith groaned at the nickname Cristina had given him back in Hawaii, "Oh no, he's busy satisfying little miss perfect."

"Oh, crap. I guess he's McAss then, and it probably wouldn't make you feel any better if I tell you about the mass casualty that came in last night."

"You always know the right thing to say, don't you?" Sarcasm dripped from her voice as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, I've gotta go, Altman is paging me."

"Go on then, enjoy your many, many surgeries while I sit here drowning my sorrows," she hung up the phone and signalled for a fourth shot from the bartender.

She felt a familiar presence beside her and dropped her face into her hands with a soft groan, trying to hide the slight excitement she was feeling at his proximity, "God, you are stalking me, aren't you?"

"Actually, I come here a lot, it seems you're in my neck of the woods still," he chuckled softly and ordered his drink from the bartender who had just brought over next shot.

She downed it, needing the liquid confidence more with his presence almost suffocating her, "I just followed the smell of the tequila."

"I wanted to speak to you, anyway, about what you saw – "

I don't wanna know the details, I don't wanna know where she's from.

She held a hand up to cut him off, "It doesn't matter what I saw. It's probably more the fact that I heard it from my own mother, right after I practically jumped you in the hallway of my mother's hospital." She turned to look at him, "I should have realised you'd moved on," she noticed the colour drain from his face as she spoke, "Where's little miss sunshine anyway?"

I don't wanna have to meet her, pretend we get along
Yeah, I know that's selfish and sudden and wrong.

"Meredith," her name rolled off his tongue just as she remembered, and he took her hand, "You didn't message, you didn't call when –"

"It doesn't matter, it's not like we were together, or anything, you have no obligation to wait for me to show up again," she cut him off as she pulled her hand from his, and she stood up from the stool, not waiting for a response from Derek. She made her way towards the toilets, leaning against the sink as she tried to slow her panicked breaths, the main reason she'd had to get away from him, so he didn't know the effect he had on her.

But I don't wanna talk about it, 'Cause if I talk about it,
Then you'll see I don't, no I don't know what to do about it.

She looked up at herself in the mirror and a bitter laugh escaped her lips. Pathetic. She's pathetic. She took a deep breath and stood up straight, wiping under her eyes at the tears that had involuntarily formed.

What to do about this feeling that I don't want,
But I'll keep it all to myself, if you spare me the details.

She took a moment to allow the passive expression she had perfected to take over her facial expression and took another deep breath. Stand straight, chin up. Nothing and no-one held power over Meredith Grey, and she didn't get involved with such trivial feelings. Focus on yourself and your career, Meredith, be extraordinary, her mother's voice echoed in her mind.

She walked out of the toilets, about to approach the bar when she noticed the red head had joined Derek where Meredith previously had been sat. She moved to sit at the other end of the bar instead, ordering another shot of tequila. She looked up and Derek's eyes caught hers, as though he wanted to speak to her, but she looked away quickly, downing the shot that had just been placed in front of her.

Let's not talk about it, let's not talk about it,
Then we won't have to do something about it.

She stood up from her stool after a moment, realising she couldn't stay there and watch her all over him all night, it's not exactly like he was pushing her away, either. She paid her tab with the bartender, before grabbing her coat and putting it on, unable to give Derek another glance as she walked out the bar. She needed to try and get back to Seattle as soon as possible.

So, I'll keep it all to myself, if you'll keep it all to yourself, and just spare me the details.

Details – Maisie Peters.