April 2. On Monday, Joey was walking hand in hand with Pacey from Spanish class, when their classmate, Lisa Rooker, came up to her and offered her congratulations. "For what?" she asked.
"Joey, you're number two in the class," she responded.
She was speechless. Pacey turned to her, a huge smile on his face. "Jo, that's incredible!"
"I… I don't believe it. How?"
Lisa leaned closer. "Didn't you hear? Tim and Melinda broke up over winter break."
"Well, yeah, I knew that, but…" Tim Quill and Melinda Tratt had held the number two and three spots since second semester junior year. They'd also been dating since the eighth grade.
"Yeah, well, at first, they were, like, civil about it and decided to stay friends and all, but then a couple weeks later, Tim found out the real reason Melinda broke up with him was because she'd been hooking up with a junior on the baseball team since the Homecoming Dance. Can you believe it? I was shocked.
"Needless to say, World War Three. Were you here that day they were, like, screaming at each other in the parking lot? Well, there were a few days where Melinda didn't even come to school and apparently, they both bombed some tests, and Tim even got a zero on a big homework assignment that he just didn't even bother handing in. So… anyway, now you're second. Congrats."
Joey watched Lisa walk away as the sixth period bell rang, signaling time for lunch. "I still can't believe it, Pacey. I mean, second?!"
Grinning, he grabbed her by the hand and they hustled to the bulletin board where the standings were posted. Sure enough, there it was:
2. Josephine Potter
She stared at her name in print and smiled, a feeling of self-satisfaction and accomplishment welling up inside her when she saw that Tim and Melinda's drama wasn't the sole reason for her new rank, but that her GPA had also improved from last quarter.
"Congratulations, Miss Potter. You earned it. And I see you made the Principal's Academic Honor Roll list yet again. You smart kids and your 4.0's," he said teasingly, shaking his head.
She wrapped her arm around his waist and hugged him to her. She gazed over the board and frowned in confusion when she didn't see her boyfriend's name on the Honor Roll list. He'd been there after the last two quarters. Then her eyes popped. She pointed at the board. "Pacey, look."
He followed her finger to the list of names under the High Honor Roll list. His mouth fell open. Next to his name was a ninety-one percent for his quarter average. He couldn't believe it. He'd held a steady eighty-nine percent through the first semester and never imagined he would ever crack ninety. "That's gotta be a mistake."
Brimming with excitement, her eyes filling with happy tears, Joey threw her arms around him. "Oh my, God, Pacey. I'm so proud of you! You've worked so hard."
He still couldn't quite believe it. His heart swelled. He wrapped his arms around her and held her against him. "I couldn't have done it without you."
"Yes, you could've," she chided. "Pacey, you can do anything."
He pulled out of the hug and held her waist. "As long as I've got you."
Smiling, she leaned forward and kissed him. "We better get to the cafeteria before lunch is over or I'll be starving all afternoon."
Taking her hand in his, Pacey started walking them away from the bulletin board.
After school, Joey found herself in Hyannis, shopping for a prom dress, accompanied by Gretchen and Jen. After browsing through several local stores back in Capeside, she'd found one that was a "maybe," but she wasn't sold on it. It was a nice dress and it looked good on her, and the price was reasonable, but she'd already worn black to the Anti-Prom last year. The color black didn't really fit her mood either.
She didn't want to hide, blend in with the background. She wanted to look pretty, wanted to see the look on Pacey's face when he saw her in her prom dress. She didn't know what kind of dress she wanted, what color or style. She figured she'd know it when she saw it. Once she returned the black dress to the rack with a heavy sigh, that was the moment Gretchen suggested going to the more chic stores over in Hyannis.
"Try it on."
Joey stared at the floor length, A-line lavender sateen dress with spaghetti straps and crystals sewn into the bodice. It was exactly what she'd been looking for. She fingered the shiny material and felt her heart beating faster. It looked like a dress a heroine in a teen romcom would wear to her prom on the big screen. She could only hope it would look just as good on her as it did on the rack.
This is the one, she thought. The dress that would help make her senior prom night everything it was supposed to be. The one that would make her feel like a princess and look every bit as gorgeous as Pacey's sister had looked four years ago when she was Prom Queen. There was only one problem.
"It's three hundred dollars," she said, trying not to sound like that was way out of her league. Just out of her price range.
"I'm sure we can find something in your budget," Jen replied confidently. "There's bound to be another dress here that's more practical, but you'll like just as much."
"Well, maybe it's too early to shop," Gretchen said. "Prom is still two months away. You know, maybe the price will come down."
"Too early to shop? Coming from you?" Joey pretended to be shocked. "Are you feeling okay? Jen, take her temperature."
Gretchen smirked. "Haha. Very funny. It's no secret I love to shop. So what?"
Jen put a sympathetic hand on Joey's arm. "Look, all we're saying is that we can keep looking for prom dresses. You still have plenty of time between now and June second. Maybe you'll find something cheaper that's just as nice."
"You could always ask Pacey to buy you the dress," his sister suggested. "I mean, if this is the one you really want."
"I'm not asking Pacey to spend three hundred dollars on me."
Gretchen shrugged. "He can afford it, and I'm sure he'd love to spend his money on you more than anything else."
The thought of asking her boyfriend for money sent a cold chill through her. Money only ever caused problems between her parents, and they'd taught her never to ask for handouts. Despite their poverty, or maybe because of it, her parents were proud people. These girls who went around asking their boyfriends for money or expecting them to buy gifts all the time, had they no pride? There was no way she would ever ask Pacey, or anyone, for money.
"He's already spending money on his tux and the limo and the corsage—"
"And a hotel suite," Jen muttered under breath.
"Stop it," Joey laughed. "He is not. Anyway, I'm not going to ask him to buy my dress, too."
"Joey, what's the point of having a boyfriend if he's not going to buy you stuff?" Jen teased.
"I don't need stuff."
"Yeah, well, this isn't stuff," Gretchen pointed out. "It's your prom dress. It's the biggest night of your senior year—of your entire high school life."
"It's important, Joey, especially since it's very likely you'll end up with a crown on your head by the end of the night," Jen said.
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. The popular kids are never gonna vote for me for Prom Queen because that's what it is—a popularity contest. Anyway, I'm sure I'll find another dress. Let's just keep looking."
Reluctantly, she let go of the lavender sateen and continued prowling through racks of potential gowns. They'd been to nearly every dress shop back in Capeside and had now been perusing the shops in Hyannis for three hours, searching for the perfect thing to wear to what was apparently supposed to be the biggest night of her life. She wandered from rack to rack, fingering price tags, checking sizes, and was starting to feel overwhelmed and frustrated.
"I look like a big, stupid freak," Jen commiserated, staring at herself in the mirror and frowning at the dress she wore.
"Oh, yeah? In what universe?" Gretchen replied.
"She's right, Jen. You look… luminous!"
"Like a big luminous freak."
Joey gave her a stern look. "Jen, you are beautiful and you're gonna look beautiful in whatever dress you decide to get."
"Why am I even shopping?" she replied. "I don't have a date yet. I have been woefully unlucky in the guy department. I probably won't even have a date and will be forced to stand under the arch and get my picture taken with my gay best friend."
"I'm sure someone will ask you," Joey assured her. "And if not, well, it's their loss. Besides, we're all going together in the limo, so it's not like you'll have to feel left out."
After a little while, she circled back around to the three-hundred-dollar dress and touched it again. She hadn't wanted anything this badly since when she'd wanted that purple Schwinn bike with the glittery tassles on the handlebars in the third grade.
"I think you should at least try it on," Gretchen said, sounding rational as she came up to stand next to her. "If it looks like crap on you, then you won't be disappointed about not being able to buy it. If it looks great, you can always save up for it."
Good plan. Clutching the dress like she never wanted to let go, Joey slipped into the dressing room. She peeled off her clothes, unzipped the dress, and stepped into it. After pulling it up and slipping the spaghetti straps over her shoulders, she attempted to zip it up as far as she could. Her long dark brown hair fell past her shoulders. The dress was the perfect length, and she smiled at her reflection in the mirror.
"Come on out, Jo. Show us," Gretchen demanded from outside the dressing room.
She stepped out and spun around slowly, before laughing and rolling her eyes, feeling embarrassed at the attention.
"Wow." Gretchen and Jen gazed at her with wide eyes.
"You look really beautiful, Joey," Jen said.
She smiled. "Thanks. I don't look silly?" She'd never imagined herself to be the kind of girl who'd want a dress with rhinestones all over the front of it.
"Please."
Joey turned to face the floor-length mirror and ran her hands down the front of the dress.
"So… you'll save up some money," Gretchen said, as she placed a blue chiffon wrap around her shoulders, making eye contact with her in the mirror. "And then you can come back here a week or so before prom and buy it."
"Do you think this dress will still be here?" She highly doubted it.
"Well, there's a possibility it won't be…"
"That's just a chance you'll have to take," Jen told her. "And if it isn't, well, three hundred dollars could certainly buy you another amazing dress."
"Yeah." Joey stared at her reflection and smiled as she imagined prom night with Pacey. She used to think of prom as cheesy and lame, and just an excuse for the popular kids to try and one-up each other and then throw wild after-parties, complete with lots of booze and clichéd, regrettable after-prom sex. But now she pictured Pacey dressed up in a tux, the most handsome date anyone could hope for, and dancing with him, simply enjoying the moment as a send-off to this period of their lives before they moved on to the next one. A bookend to an incredible first year together.
But the thought of saving up for weeks to buy this dress, only to come back to the store and find it gone… Wouldn't that just be typical? She frowned at her reflection.
"Look, you can forget about this dress for now," Gretchen said, taking her by the shoulders and turning her away from the mirror. "Joey, you and I have tomorrow off work. So, how about we all go up to Boston in the afternoon? There are a lot more stores up there with tons of dresses to choose from. You both can shop for prom dresses, and I'll… you know, shop."
Joey exchanged looks with Jen, and then nodded. "Okay, we're in."
April 5. When school let out, Pacey dropped Joey off at work and then borrowed her truck to use for the afternoon. He drove downtown and parked on Main Street in front of Enchanted Florist. As he stepped inside the shop, a bell dinging over the doorway as he came in, he took in the familiar sights. It had been quite a while since he'd been here.
One wall was lined with shelves filled with vases of all kinds—crystal, glass, porcelain, wood. He walked around large coolers full of bouquets in the center of the shop, and checked out another corner of the room where there was a table topped with a variety of teddy bears and balloons for all occasions.
"Hi, can I help you?"
He turned around to see Ryan Lawrence, Gretchen's friend from her old Capeside High cheerleading squad. She wore faded blue jeans and a pink polo top with the florist shop's logo above her left breast. Her long curly blond hair fell loose over one shoulder. When she smiled, her bright green eyes sparkled. "Hello there."
"Well, well, well… Pacey Witter."
He flashed a friendly smile. "Hi, Ryan. How are ya?"
"I'm good, thanks. Haven't seen you since…" She thought for a moment. "Well, it was probably a couple weeks before Christmas. So, what brings you into my shop today? Business, or is this a social visit?" She smiled, and something in her eyes told him she was attracted to him.
He felt himself blush under her gaze. "Um, it's my mom's birthday today."
"Huh. Your sister never mentioned that."
"You saw Gretchen?"
"Yeah, last night. My boyfriend took me to the Leery's place for dinner, and we sat at the bar chatting with her for a while."
"Oh, okay. Well, it is my ma's birthday. So, I was thinking I'd get her some flowers."
"Did you have anything specific in mind?"
"Her favorite flowers are peonies—pink and white ones. Do you have any?"
Ryan smiled. "We sure do. April is the perfect month for peonies. How many?"
"However many it takes to make a bouquet, I guess."
"All right. I'll put some together. I'll be right back." She threw him another smile before pushing through some double doors behind the counter and disappearing from sight.
He looked around the shop while he waited. Gazing over at the table with the teddy bears, he smiled at the memory of the bear he'd given Joey two Christmases ago, the one with the red and gold ribbon tied into a bow around its neck that read "Be My Sweetheart." She still had it in her bedroom.
Behind him the double doors opened, and he turned around. Ryan was carrying a bouquet of pink and white peonies with some greenery mixed in, tied together with a red ribbon. Attached to the bouquet, she'd tied a pink Happy Birthday Mylar Balloon. It looked very nice.
"So, what do you think?"
"It's great, thanks," he told her. "I'll take it."
She wrapped a rubber band around the flower stems, securing a packet of flower food, and then covered them in plastic, before setting the bouquet down on the counter. Then she started typing into the register. "I'll give you the Friends & Family discount, like always."
"Thanks."
She read him the amount and he pulled out his wallet.
"So, how're things going with the girlfriend, Pacey? Senior Prom is coming up, and you'll both be graduating soon."
"Yeah, things are good. I expect I'll be back in here getting her corsage for prom."
"I love doing corsages. Do you know what color her dress is?"
He shook his head and handed over the cash for the bouquet. "No, she hasn't gotten her dress yet."
"She better hurry! It's prom season, Pacey. Gotta get a dress before all the good ones get snatched up."
"Well, prom isn't until the first weekend in June…"
"Yeah, Capeside High's is. Not every other school. Plus, there's all the junior proms happening, too. There will be a lot of proms between now and Capeside's senior prom. Tell your girlfriend to get a dress as soon as possible. And as soon as you know what it looks like, you come back in here and tell me and I'll make something really special for her."
He chuckled. "Okay, I will. Thanks, Ryan."
After taking the bouquet, Pacey walked out of the florist shop and back to the truck. He was soon pulling into his parents' driveway and parking behind his mom's Jeep Wagoneer. With a sigh of relief, he saw his dad's SUV wasn't there. With bouquet in hand, he got out of the truck and walked around the house to the back porch.
He stood at the bottom of the brick steps and took a couple of deep breaths before ascending them. His heart pounded hard against his chest—probably because when he thought about his problems it was always his dad running through his head, not his mother. He knew exactly how to deal with his father's aggression, and it usually involved a loud argument. He had no idea how to deal with his mother's passive-aggressiveness. Trying to soothe his nerves and check the anxious beating of his heart, he finally knocked on the door.
His nerves scattered around and the pounding got worse as his mom opened the door. He suddenly wished Joey had been there with him, holding his hand, and inwardly kicked himself for coming alone.
Susan Witter's blue eyes went wide at the sight of him. "Pacey! I didn't expect to see you." Then she looked confused. "Why are you knocking on the door, honey? This is your house. You can just come in."
"Well… I… I don't live here anymore, Ma."
"This will always be your home, Pacey," she replied, laughing as if he'd said the most ridiculous thing. Then she paused, looking at him. "Well, are you gonna come in?"
His stomach clenched and he felt sick. "I, uh…" How could he walk in there? He couldn't. "I can't stay. I have to… get over to the B&B to help with some repairs around the place. The… uh, the furnace busted again, and they're expecting guests tomorrow." It was the best excuse he could think of.
"Furnace? You need to fix the furnace in April?"
"Yeah, but you know, it's still chilly out." He shoved his free hand in the pocket of his brown winter coat to emphasize the point. "But I know today is your birthday, and I didn't want you to think that I'd forgotten." He handed over the bouquet with the attached balloon.
His mother smiled. "Well, thank you, sweetie. You remembered my favorite flowers. They're beautiful."
His face flushed hot. "You're welcome. Happy Birthday, Ma."
"Are you sure you won't come in, Pacey? Even for a few minutes?"
He turned, nervously glancing in the direction of the driveway, although he couldn't see the cars from the back porch.
"Your father won't be home from work for a couple more hours." She stepped back, holding the door open. "Carrie and the girls would love to see you."
He wanted to run away, but guilt churned his stomach. "Okay. I can come in for a little bit. But then I gotta go, Ma."
"Yes, yes. That's fine."
Pacey stepped inside the house, his mother closing the door behind him. "Come with me to the kitchen," she told him.
He glanced into the living room. The TV was on, and his two youngest nieces, the four-year-old twins, were on the couch next to Carrie. His eldest sister looked a little worse for wear, like she'd just rolled out of bed. Her hair was pulled back into some kind of messy knot, and it looked like it hadn't been washed in a week. Her clothes looked three sizes too big for her. Jesus.
"Hi, Carrie. Hey, girls."
His sister barely looked over at him. "Hey."
"We're watching the Disney Channel," Maddie told him. "Watch with us," her sister invited.
"I'd love to, Audrey, but I can't stay long. How are you doing, Carrie?"
"Fine," she said without looking at him.
Shaking his head, he walked into the kitchen and joined his mother. "You haven't been around to borrow the wagon much, Pacey."
"Oh, well, you know… if I need a ride, Joey drives me, or Gretchen does. I've got Joey's truck right now, actually."
"Well, I'm not supposed to know this yet, but your father is buying me a new car for my birthday."
Pacey looked at her in surprise. "He is?"
"Yeah. Well, the wagon is going on seven years old, and it's an election year. The sheriff's wife should be driving something much nicer, don't you think?"
How could he forget? Of course, it was an election year. "Campaigning already, huh, Ma?"
She huffed. "That Brendan Callaghan has decided to run against your father this year. Can you believe it? His own deputy! There's no loyalty anymore. He thinks the Sheriff's Department could use some fresh young blood running it or some such nonsense. Your father is very hurt that one of his own wants to push him out. It has him very stressed."
He felt nothing. "Gee, that's too bad."
"Anyway, I'm saying feel free to come over and borrow the wagon. You can keep it with you until the end of the school year."
"Really?"
"Your father wanted me to give it to your sister to use, but Carrie never leaves this house. It's not healthy, Pacey. She certainly won't listen to us. Maybe she'll listen to you. You were always, you know, good at taking care of people."
Because he'd been forced to take care of himself, he thought bitterly.
Then his mother pointed to the fridge. Curious despite himself, he walked over and saw his report card attached to the fridge door with a magnet. He'd gotten six A's and one B plus. He gaped, in total shock at having earned an A minus in trig, of all subjects. His eyes moved to the bottom of the report card.
"Congratulations on achieving High Honor Roll."
That sense of self-satisfaction slightly rose inside him.
"I'm very proud of you, honey. After all those abysmal report cards that got sent home year after year, one disappointment after another, I knew my faith in you would pay off one day. And look at that. High Honor Roll. Let me tell you, your father and I were shocked."
A ball of ice formed in his stomach. "Right."
It was time for him to leave.
On Friday at lunch, Joey was sitting alone at a table when she looked up to see Jen walking into the cafeteria and scanning the room. She caught her eye and waved her over, but as her friend began walking towards her, she tripped and fell. Folders and brochures scattered. Joey immediately jumped up from her chair.
"Nice dramatic entrance," she joked, helping pick up the brochures from the floor.
"I aim to please," she quipped. "Thanks."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. At least there was no ice-covered pavement or I might've bruised my foot again."
They went and sat down, and Joey carried the brochures to the table. "Wow… are these all the colleges you got into?"
"Well, the colleges that Jack and I both got accepted to. Now, all we have to do is narrow down the choices."
"Jen, there's like… five colleges here."
"What can I say? He's really good at the application process, which means he can always resort to a career in civil service or education. He's also really sneaky. I told him I didn't want to attend any schools in New York City, and he went and applied there anyway behind my back. So, maybe he could end up with a career in politics."
Joey looked down at some of the brochure covers. "Wow. Columbia? Cornell… the University of New York… St. John's University…"
"I wouldn't mind going to, you know, Cornell, but I don't really want to be in the city. Boston is honestly way more appealing."
"Did you get into some schools in Boston?"
"Yeah." Jen pulled a brochure from the pile and held it up. "Boston Bay College. So, how about you? Have you heard from Worthington yet?"
She shook her head, frowning slightly. "No. Which means I can always resort to a career in waitressing," she snarked.
"Hardly. If not Worthington, then you'll get in somewhere else, I'm sure."
"Well, I was accepted to BU and… Williams."
A smile spread across Jen's face. "That's great, Joey. Congratulations." She glanced around at the table. "Where's Pacey?"
"Oh, he's doing a volunteer thing with Mr. Kapinos, serving lunch at the Capeside Soup Kitchen. He should be back for seventh period."
"Speaking of which, the bell's about to ring. Ugh."
"Well, the day's almost over, right?" Joey said, before one of her classmates approached the table and said her name as he handed her over a note on Capeside High stationary.
"Joey Potter,
Report to Administration Office immediately. You need to call home."
A slight sense of panic rose within her. She could only remember ever having been told to call home while at school for something bad, like the few times when her mom had been sent to the hospital, and when her dad had been arrested. Had something happened to Bessie or Bodie or, God forbid, Alexander?
"Something tells me you're about to get some good news," Jen said.
"You think so?" She hadn't even considered the idea of needing to call home immediately for something good.
Then the bell rang, bringing an end to sixth period and lunch. When she reached the Main Office as the seventh period bell rang through the building, she found several other students were there holding similar notes. She moved into the office and took one of the chairs against the wall next to Ashley Granger, her long red hair pulled back in a high ponytail. "Hey, Joey," she greeted with a smile.
"Hi. You have to call home, too?"
"Yeah. I've been going crazy out of my mind waiting to hear from a few schools, and I made my dad promise me that he would let me know right away if anything came in the mail. There were some scouts at our soccer tournament back in November, and they said some really promising things. I was accepted to BU, but I've been holding out for North Carolina or Penn State. I haven't heard anything official yet. I'm hoping for a scholarship."
"Well, good luck," Joey said.
"Thanks. What schools are you waiting to hear from?"
"Worthington."
Ashley looked impressed. "Wow. That would be quite a pedigree. Belinda McGovern's parents went to Worthington. Have you ever heard her go on about it? They're such snobs. Well, hey, maybe you'll end up filthy rich, too, and will own your own beachside mansion someday."
"In my dreams, maybe," Joey snarked.
One by one, the other students took their turns with the phone. Then one by one, more students filed in. She knew she should take her turn, approach the desk, hand over her note, but she kept putting it off. What if it was bad news about Worthington? Is that something she'd want to hear on the phone? Spend the rest of her afternoon classes unable to concentrate, wallowing in self-pity? Wouldn't it be better to wait until she got home, then she could endure her heartbreaking disappointment in the privacy of her bedroom?
No. She couldn't wait.
Some conversations lasted only a minute or two, and others seemed to go on forever. When Joey finally got up to the desk, she waited while the last of her classmates was using the phone. As he handed the receiver back to the school secretary, he walked off, clearly having gotten bad news. Just as she was about to speak to Mrs. Carden, Dawson appeared.
"Hey. This is a coincidence."
"Hopefully a good one," she replied as she watched her disappointed classmate pick up his backpack from the chair against the wall and sling it over his shoulder.
Dawson handed a note over to the secretary, who reached for Joey's as well. "I'll be glad when April's over," Mrs. Carden complained. "Parents should let you kids open your own college mail instead of torturing you over the phone." Then she moved a telephone up on the desk in front of Dawson.
"Dial nine to get out," the woman said as she placed another phone in front of Joey.
She sure hoped the conversation wasn't going to be torture.
"Well, I guess this is it," Dawson said. "Another life-altering moment. Good luck."
"Same to you."
She picked up the phone and called home, her stomach fluttering with nerves. "Potter B&B," her sister answered.
"Hey, Bessie."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Jo—"
"No, I'm glad that you called."
"A letter from Worthington—"
"Finally came."
"Yeah, in the mail today."
"Well, I don't think I can wail 'til I get home. Do you think you can read it to me?"
She heard the sound of an envelope being opened. "Oh, my goodness, Joey! It says you got in!"
Her heart started pounding. She couldn't believe it. "No, it doesn't. It really says that?"
"Yes! You've been accepted!"
"Oh, my God." Was this really happening?
"'Dear Josephine Potter,'" Bessie read. "'Congratulations. Worthington College is pleased to offer you admittance for the fall semester of 2001. You have every reason to feel proud of your accomplishment, and I am delighted at the prospect that you will join our community in the fall.'"
Bessie continued to read the rest of the letter, but she just couldn't believe it. All she felt was shock. After agonizing for months, she actually got what she wanted.
"This is so amazing, Joey! We're gonna have to do something to celebrate this!"
"Okay, okay. Listen, I gotta go. The bell's gonna ring soon. I'll see you later, Bess." She could hear her sister shouting for Bodie as she hung up the phone. Rolling her eyes, she turned to smile at Dawson.
"So, you got good news? Worthington?"
"Yes!" She beamed at him.
"Congratulations, Joey. I'm very happy for you."
"Thanks." Her smile faltered when she took in the expression on his face. "I take it you… didn't get good news?"
"While the Admissions Committee at NYU carefully considered me and my expressed interest in their film school, they regret that they are unable to offer me admission this year. They wish me and my future endeavors well, though."
She frowned in sympathy, her heart sinking. "I'm so sorry."
"It's not the end of the world."
"But that was, like, one of your dream schools, Dawson. I feel terrible. Is there anything I can do or say to help you feel better about this?"
"Joey, no. I'm all right. There are still other schools I haven't heard from, including USC. I don't want you to feel terrible. You should be celebrating your achievement."
They turned to walk together out of the office as the bell rang dismissing seventh period classes. She looked over at him with pity as they stepped into the hallway. She knew she should be feeling over the moon about Worthington, but his disappointment only made her feel bad for him. Being excited about Worthington would only seem to twist the knife of his rejection.
"Are you sure there's nothing I can do?"
"Joey, stop it. I'm okay."
"Well, it's just if the circumstances were reversed, I know how I'd feel."
"Yeah, you'd be happy for me, like I am for you."
Just then, Pacey came bounding down the stairs heading for his locker, when he saw Joey and Dawson standing in the hallway. He quickly joined them. "Hey, what's up, campers?"
Joey turned to smile at him, and then glanced at Dawson, unsure whether he'd want to divulge his bad news to Pacey himself. He stared back at her.
Something was definitely up, Pacey thought. "Okay, we got some weird chi going on here," he said.
"Yeah, well, I'll let her give you the good news. I gotta get to class." Dawson turned to Joey. "Promise me you'll celebrate," he said as he started walking away.
There was obviously something going on that he didn't know about. There hadn't been anything to celebrate when he'd last seen Joey in Spanish class. "So, what's the good news?" Pacey asked her.
"Well, we both just called home, and while he found out he got rejected by NYU… I found out that I got accepted to Worthi—"
Pacey's heart lifted. "Worthington. Oh, you got in!" he exclaimed as his arms came around her, lifting her and spinning her around, laughing. "Congratulations, sweetheart. That is fantastic news."
She smiled as he gently set her back down. She hadn't even been able to process this news yet, and she still couldn't help but feel bad for Dawson.
"Oh, come on," he pleaded when he saw the look on her face. "Be happy. You heard the man. You got nothing to feel guilty about here."
"Well, it's just so surreal," she said, unable to wrap her head around it. To want something so badly, and then to suddenly get it. "I mean, stuff like this doesn't happen to me."
She needed to see it with her own two eyes. "Come on." He grabbed her by the hand and started walking in the direction of their lockers.
"Where are we going? We still have eighth period."
"Well, with all due respect to Mr. Ringler's history class, today is about the future, your future. And I have this funny feeling you're not gonna believe that letter until you see it."
"Pacey, I can't just cut class."
"Oh, you're not gonna get into college? Please."
The bell rang as they rounded a corner. Once they'd retrieved their coats from their lockers, they hurried out the doors and to the student parking lot. When they reached the truck, Pacey climbed into the driver's seat, where he pulled the visor down and caught the keys in his hand. They were soon on the road, driving towards the creek.
"So, how was volunteering at the soup kitchen?" she asked.
"It was… an eye-opener," he replied. "I mean, I knew these problems existed—homelessness, poverty—but it didn't really have a face before, especially not in Capeside. There were people there of all ages, races. Talking with people while we served them lunch made me wish we could work harder to do something more besides serving soup. You know? Those people need real help. It made me feel… sad, at first, to see these people's suffering up close, but… they had some really interesting stories to share."
"Do you think you're gonna keep going?"
"Yeah, I think so. Mr. Kapinos said I shouldn't let school get in the way of my education. There's a lot to see out there in the world."
When they reached the B&B, Bessie and Bodie gave her hugs and congratulations. Her sister revealed they were planning a BBQ tomorrow to celebrate the first Potter to get into college. As excited as she was, she felt herself inwardly protest at inviting people to a party to celebrate herself. Bodie soon returned to the kitchen from her bedroom, and handed over the envelope.
Joey stared down at her name and address printed on the front of it. Butterflies filled her stomach. Everything she'd worked so hard for, for the past four years, was inside this envelope, now in her hands.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Pacey asked, standing behind her and grasping her waist.
"Well, Bessie already read it to me," she replied, trying to casually shrug it off. "I… I know what it says already. I don't know why I'm so nervous."
His arms tightened around her. "You're nervous because this makes it real."
She opened the letter and read the opening aloud, brimming with happiness and excitement. Pacey hugged her tighter. Her happiness meant everything to him. They were soon lounging on her bed, their coats tossed over the chair at her desk. He held the letter in his hand, reading it for himself.
"Since Worthington College was founded in 1787 by Josiah Worthington, we have guided our faculty, students, and alumni in their pursuit of knowledge, success, and leadership. As a Worthington student, you will join an undergraduate population of 2,700, and will engage in astonishing intellectual and cultural resources. Your Worthington education will equip you with the knowledge and wisdom to make an impact in any field, anywhere in the world.
"The Worthington experience is shaped by the people who make up its community. It is a place of belonging, respect, and friendship. I know who your fellow students will be, and I am confident you will not find in one place a more diverse, talented, and aspiring company of peers.
"We invite you and your classmates to explore Worthington during our annual on-campus event: Admit Weekend, April 28-29. When you are ready, you may reply to our offer of admission by completing the reply form included in your forthcoming complete admission packet. You must reply by May 1, but you may notify us as soon as you have made a decision. If you have any questions about Worthington or the decision process, please e-mail us at wolves .
"We hope that you will choose to join us in Boston, and we look forward to celebrating your contribution to the College's traditions and campus life. It is clear from your application that you are a person who rises to any challenge, strives for excellence, and wants to make a difference in this world. Congratulations again on your achievements so far. We look forward to what is still to come."
It was signed by the Dean of Admissions.
Pacey stared down at the paper and thought of his own letter from MCLA. He, too, had a reply deadline of May 1. He quickly shoved that thought away, and turned to her and smiled. "I am… so proud of you, Jo."
She took the letter back from him and folded it up, setting it over on her bedside stand. "You're gonna come with me to the Admit Weekend thing, right?"
"Will there entail more fancy Worthington parties where we have to dress up?"
"Probably."
"So, I'll have to put on a suit?"
"Afraid so."
He shrugged. "It's the least I can do. I'll get to see you in a dress and heels, so it'll be worth it." He grinned at her, and she leaned over to kiss him. "Speaking of dresses and heels…" He cleared his throat. "I have a bone to pick with you, Miss Potter."
Her brows knitted. "Which is what?"
"You told me on Tuesday night when you got back from Boston that you didn't find a prom dress, and yet, last night, my sister told me you'd already found one in Hyannis." He clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Lying to me, Josephine?"
Heat flushed her cheeks. Her stomach flipped. "I technically told the truth. I didn't find any dresses that I could actually buy. We are going shopping again in Boston over spring break, and I believe Gretchen mentioned something about possibly getting you to come along to shop for tuxedo rentals. Didn't she tell you that, too?"
"Yes, my sister kindly informed me that we were going shopping for prom. That's how this whole thing came up, but…" He paused, eyeing her a moment. "Gretchen also said you found a dress you really liked. I mean, if it's a matter of money, Jo—"
She felt panic rise inside her. Nothing she'd seen in Boston had made her feel the way the lavender sateen dress had—like it could have been made for her, the cut, the color, the texture of the fabric, and it fitted her perfectly—but that was no reason to waste so much money. And she certainly wasn't going to let him waste his money on her.
"No, Pacey. No one in their right mind would spend hundreds of dollars on a dress they'll only wear once. I just decided not to get it and keep looking. We're two months away from prom. There's plenty of time to find something. Besides, there's way more of a selection in the city and we'll have a lot more time to look around at more stores over break. I know I'll find the perfect dress up there."
He laughed breathlessly and rubbed her arm reassuringly, seeing she was getting frazzled. "Okay, Jo."
"Well, I gotta get to work. I'll drop you off home on the way to the restaurant."
"Uh, can you just take me over to my parents' house? My mom is letting me use the Witter wagon for the foreseeable future."
"Sure."
He stretched out on the bed, watching her as she dressed for work, their eyes often meeting, smiles of love on their faces. As soon as she was ready, they grabbed their coats and walked out of her bedroom.
April 7. On Saturday morning, after taking Buzz to his karate class, he swung by the B&B to pick up Joey so they could go shopping for the BBQ. With Bodie's list and cash in hand, they went through the supermarket and soon they had loaded the Witter wagon with bags of groceries and charcoal.
When they were nearing the B&B, Joey looked over at her boyfriend behind the driving wheel. They hadn't really had much time alone to talk about things since she'd found out about Worthington. "So, I guess this makes it official. We're going to Boston."
"Yes, we are," he replied with a smile.
"Are you happy about it?"
He stared at her with surprise. "Happy? Of course, I'm happy for you. This is amazing, Jo."
"No, I know you're happy for me, Pacey. I meant… are you happy about what this means for you? You know, being in Boston with me. I mean, I know this has been the plan, but it was always a hypothetical. Now it's actually happening. There must be a hundred thoughts on your mind right now."
"If you're happy, I'm happy, Jo. That's all I'm thinking about."
She frowned. "That's not a real answer, Pace."
He laughed breathlessly as he pulled into her driveway and parked in front of the house. They started unloading the groceries from the back. They carried some grocery bags inside and then returned to the car. Joey grabbed the last brown paper shopping bag while Pacey opened the rear driver's side door and started to pull a huge bag of charcoal from the back seat.
"You know, Bodie's gotta stop buying in bulk," he complained while pulling out the second huge bag with his other arm. "You got eleven people coming over. We got enough charcoal here to barbecue 'til Labor Day." With great effort, he hoisted the bag.
"You want some help?"
"And risk my bumbling superhero status? No, thank you." He dropped the bags of charcoal to the ground beside the car.
She glanced at the house, wanting to finish their conversation before going inside and facing her sister's over-the-top enthusiasm.
"Look. What we were just talking about… you must be wondering about what this all means for you, for us. I mean, it's hard to wrap my mind around it. In just five months, I'll be at Worthington, attending classes. It still doesn't seem real, like how is this is my life? I'm gonna be free of Capeside. Living in Boston. Going to my dream school. I keep telling myself that it's real, but part of my brain still can't believe it. I'm still trying to process this whole college thing. You know, it's kinda weird to get your dream."
"I know it. I say that every time I look at ya," he said, a grin spreading across his face.
"Don't change the subject. Are you still happy about going to Boston, now that it's no longer hypothetical? I mean, there are other places you could be going to instead…"
Not this again. "No, no. Joey, don't bring up that stuff. That's already been settled, and we're not going to talk about anything negative today, because today is your day to celebrate this most amazing accomplishment that you have worked so hard for."
She smiled, but she still couldn't help the feeling of guilt. Taking him to Boston with her would be taking him away from other things he could be doing with his life, taking him away from incredible opportunities.
"Okay. I'm gonna go to the garage and get a dolly before I give myself a hernia. So, I'll see you inside."
Once Pacey had the charcoal loaded onto the dolly, he swung it around to the backyard and unloaded it near the grill. A picnic table had been set up out back and they'd have a nice view of the creek during the party. After he returned the dolly to the garage, he went inside the house to see Joey and Bessie standing in the kitchen having a serious conversation.
"Hey, what's up?" His stomach flipped as she walked over to him. Something was obviously wrong.
Joey reached him as he saw her sister putting on her coat. "Hey. I got my financial aid packet in the mail and there's some sort of mix-up. They're saying we'll have to pay fifteen grand a year, and that just can't be right. Bessie can't afford that, and I certainly can't. We're gonna head over to the school to talk to Ms. Watson about it. Can you start getting things ready for the party? Bodie will probably have his hands full with Alexander."
"Uh, sure. But, uh, Jo, you're gonna go to school to talk to the college adviser… on a Saturday?"
"Ms. Watson is keeping office hours from ten to two on Saturdays in April. You know, for help with admissions stuff. It was posted on the bulletin board."
"Okay. Well, I'll see you when you get back. I hope you get the mix-up straightened out."
She was unable to look him in the eye. She could feel her dreams slipping away from her. "Yeah, me too."
Half an hour later, Joey was sitting in Ms. Watson's office, unable to believe her ears. How could they possibly afford to pay Worthington fifteen thousand dollars a year for the next four years? There was no way. "This is unbelievable. I… should've applied for more scholarships, but it's too late now."
"Look, I know we talked about this before, Joey, but there are student loans," Ms. Watson reminded her. "Nearly everyone these days borrows some money to pay for college."
"No. I don't want to graduate and be over sixty thousand dollars in debt. I can't start out my life that way. I won't. It doesn't make sense. There are plenty of other places I'm waiting to hear from, and I was already accepted to Williams and Boston University."
"You were?" Bessie asked, shocked.
"I didn't want to say anything until I'd heard from Worthington."
Ms. Watson frowned. "That's great, Joey, but the tuition at Williams is more expensive than Worthington. It's even more than Harvard. You'll be expected to contribute a lot more than fifteen thousand after aid. And BU… costs more than Williams, believe it or not."
A lump of emotion caught painfully in her throat. Her eyes pricked with tears. "I set my sights too high. I should've applied to cheaper schools."
"But this is your dream, Joey."
"Bessie… sometimes dreams don't come true." She turned to Ms. Watson. "Thank you for your time."
With that, Joey stood up from the chair and walked out of the office.
A few minutes after he watched Joey and Bessie walk out the door, Pacey returned to the backyard and started adding charcoal to the grill. As he was throwing the blue-and-white-striped tablecloth over the picnic table, Jen and Jack walked over. "Hey, guys."
"Hey, Pace," Jen said.
"How's it going?" Jack asked.
"Good." He started setting the blue-napkin-wrapped silverware around the tablecloth. "I'm gonna run inside and get some glasses, and I think Bodie is in the kitchen making a pitcher of iced tea as we speak."
"You want some help?"
"No. I'm good, Jen. Thanks."
A few minutes later, both he and Bodie stepped out to the backyard carrying glasses and the pitcher. While he set the glasses at all the place settings, Bodie went back inside the house. Gretchen appeared as he was filling Jen and Jack's glasses with iced tea.
"You don't have to serve us, Pacey. We can pour our own drinks."
"I'm being a gracious host, Jackers."
"Hey, guys," Gretchen said as she reached the picnic table.
They said their hellos and she sat down across the table from Jen. They immediately started talking about New York and the colleges Jen and Jack had been accepted to, and that was not a conversation Pacey wanted to involve himself in. As he started to walk away towards the back door, Dawson appeared, walking around the house.
"Hey."
"Hey, Dawson."
"How's things going so far?"
"Good."
"Do you need help with anything?"
Why did everyone keep asking him if he needed help? "No, I'm fine. You should go sit down with everyone. We're gonna start the grill pretty soon."
It wasn't long after he'd joined Bodie in the kitchen when Dawson followed him into the house. "Hey, where's Joey?"
"Oh, she had to run over to the school to talk to Ms. Watson. There was some kind of mix-up, I guess."
"Oh, okay. I hope it's nothing serious."
Then Bodie heaved a sigh, and he turned to look at him. "Pacey, we forgot to get a cake. Dammit."
"I'll run to the market and get one," Dawson offered.
"Really?" Bodie replied.
"Yeah. No big deal. I'll be right back."
Pacey watched Dawson go out the door. The hero to the rescue yet again, he thought, a feeling of resentment filling his heart. Then he turned his attention to gathering everything he needed to take out with him to the grill. After he took the container of the marinated chicken legs outside, leaving Bodie standing over the stove making their orange rosemary honey glaze, he returned to the house and filled a plastic bag with all the packages of hot dogs, hamburger patties, and buns. "You bought enough to feed an army. Who's gonna eat all this?"
"We'll cook what we need and freeze the rest, Pacey," Bodie told him.
He heard the door open and saw Bessie come in the house. "Hey."
"Hi, Pacey. Uh, Bodie? Can I talk to you for a second?"
He watched Bodie turn the burner off on the stove and follow Bessie out of the kitchen. Grabbing the plastic bag, he started heading toward the back door when Joey walked in the house and he changed course. "Hey," he said, smiling at the sight of her. "How'd it go?"
He went to kiss her but she turned her head, not letting him. Surprised, he gazed at her unhappy face. "Oh, it was that good, huh?"
"Bessie, didn't tell you the cruel irony?" she replied, her eyes filling with fresh tears. She could hear the bitterness and anger in her words, but they were too consuming to hide from Pacey. "This place is making too much money, so I'm screwed."
"Well, that's ridiculous." Something like money shouldn't prevent her from going to Worthington. "There's gotta be something you can do about that."
"Nope. There's nothing to be done." Worthington had been a dream, and she now felt her disappointment too sharply to doubt its reality. "Except go out there and celebrate this amazing accomplishment that I worked so hard for."
She started to walk around him, but this couldn't be the end of the conversation. "Hey, hold on a second, Jo." He grasped her arm, stopping her from walking away from him. He was certain they could figure something out.
"Why? Pacey, there's nothing that you can say or do that can change what happened. It is what it is. No one can change that." She turned and started heading to walk out the back door to where everyone was gathered for the party.
"So, what are you gonna tell all them?"
"Nothing," she said, turning to look at him. There was no way she was going to allow the BBQ to turn into a pity party. She couldn't bear it. "Look, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, okay?"
The door closed behind her and Pacey stared at it. Was Worthington truly out of the picture? And if it was, then maybe Boston would be, too…
The wheels started to turn.
Once he threw on his brown coat, he carried the bag of hot dogs, burgers, and buns out to the grill. His friends and his sister were all sitting around the picnic table, no doubt still neck deep in the New York debate going on between Jen and Jack. The grill was now hot enough, and he threw some hamburger patties on the grate. A sense of satisfaction filled him. He enjoyed the cooking of meat—the smell of the initial sear, the way the meat firmed up around his poking finger as it neared ready.
Suddenly, Gretchen was standing there. "You okay?" He looked at her, slightly irritated at her keen perception. "With all this talk about college, I thought you might feel, well…"
She was using her Sympathetic Big Sister voice that she always turned on him when she felt sorry for him and wanted him to talk to her about his feelings. He'd turned his attention back to the grill. "Well-done? Don't worry. I'm very aware of the health hazards of cooking hamburgers. Although, personally I prefer mine medium to medium-rare."
"You're not gonna fool me with that, Pacey."
He walked away from the grill over to the nearby table laden with condiments. "With what?"
"With that Pacey-ness," Gretchen replied, following him. "Look, I know you're happy for her, but it makes you think about the future, right?"
He picked up the grilling oil spray bottle. "It certainly makes me think about her future."
His sister followed him back over to the grill, where he started misting the cooking meat. "Well, what about you, Pacey? Have you thought about what you're gonna do? I mean, what do you want for the future?"
His brows furrowed as he threw her a look. Like she was one to talk, hanging around Capeside, wasting her time and her life. "What do you want for the future?" he grumbled.
"Sorry. As your sister, I reserve the right to play the I-asked-you-first card."
He gazed across the yard at his girlfriend, sitting there at the picnic table, pretending everything was fine. "Hey, look. You promise not to repeat what I'm about to say?"
"Yeah, sure. What is it?"
He shook his head, feeling a twinge of guilt. "Joey's not going to Worthington. They denied her financial aid package. She's just too proud to tell anybody about it."
"That's awful," Gretchen sympathized.
"Yeah, and, uh, it gets worse, actually."
She scoffed. "How can it?"
Again, he gazed over at Joey, seeing a completely different future unfold in front of them. "I think I'm happy about it."
His sister stared at him, saying nothing for a moment. "Why?"
"Well, since she's not going to Worthington, then… maybe she might not be so determined to be in Boston now. You know, instead of me going away with her, maybe I could talk her into…"
"Going away with you to culinary school at MCLA?"
He sighed, averting his gaze, not able to meet her eye. "Yeah. I have enough money in the bank to pay for all four years. All on my own. Without asking Mom and Dad for help or taking out a loan. All of it I can pay for right now. Room and board, I can pay for by getting a job up there. It was gonna be our nest egg for Boston, you know, but if she's not going to Worthington…"
Gretchen shook her head. "Why can't you just tell Joey you want to go to culinary school in the fall? Didn't you say she got accepted to Williams? And isn't Williams—?"
"Less than ten miles from MCLA? Yeah. But if she wants to be in Boston, then that's where I'm gonna be. Nothing is going to make me change my mind. Now, if she changes her mind, then…" He shrugged. "That's a different story."
"Why?"
"That's her dream, Gretch."
"Why is her dream more important than yours, Pacey?"
He scoffed. "Because you see, Joey Potter has been working her ass off since the day she started high school in ninth grade to earn a spot at a school like Worthington. And Pacey Witter, well, that no-good slacker didn't even seriously consider an academic life after high school until about six months ago. You see the difference?"
"Pacey, don't do that. Don't belittle yourself. You deserve to have a successful future just as much as she does. You both had some really difficult times, the odds stacked against you, and look at how well you both turned out. Don't sell yourself short. Tell Joey you want to go to MCLA."
He sighed, shaking his head.
"Tell her, Pacey."
Gretchen walked away back to the picnic table. As he watched her, his eyes flickered over to Joey. She smiled while the others talked and laughed, but it wasn't a real smile. He watched her face when the others' eyes weren't on her. He could see the heartbreak she was covering up with false bravado.
Bessie, Bodie, and Alexander soon emerged from the house, and joined the others at the picnic table. Although, Jack and Jen had disappeared somewhere. Once the burgers and dogs were cooked through and placed in a foil-covered container to keep them warm, he got the chicken legs started on the grill. After he lowered the grill cover over them, he walked over to the table to join his friends. Joey moved over to sit beside Bodie, giving him the chair at the end of the table next to her.
A few minutes later, Mitch and Gail showed up, offering Joey their congratulations, and then handing a very thick packet over to Dawson. "I think you've been waiting for this," his mother told him.
"It came. It actually came."
Pacey knew it had to be USC, and he knew that package was way too thick to be a rejection letter. Dawson got his dream come true.
"Aren't you gonna open it?" Gretchen said.
"Yeah, it's…" Dawson laughed nervously. "It's a… it's a fat envelope. That paints a better picture than yesterday, right?" he asked his mother.
Gail gave him an encouraging nod.
Joey stared at the envelope in Dawson's hands, and she knew he was about to get good news. Everything he'd been dreaming about and obsessing about since they were kids, everything he'd worked so hard for, he was about to get it.
Dawson opened the envelope and pulled out its contents, reading the letter that had come with a very thick folder. "I'm in." He started laughing in delighted surprise. "I'm in!" he exclaimed excitedly, and everyone started offering him their congratulations. "I can't believe it's happening."
Disappointment welled up inside Joey like storm about to break. She quickly got up from the table and started walking back to the house.
Pacey stared after her, his heart sinking as he watched her disappear inside. He turned to see Dawson getting hugged by his parents. To his surprise, he didn't begrudge Dawson this, and knew just how much and for how long the guy had been dreaming of USC. He stood up. "Congratulations, Dawson," he said as they shook hands. "I'm happy for you, man."
Then Pacey turned and started walking away from the table. Behind him, he heard Dawson inquire about Joey's whereabouts. "I'll go see what she's doin'," he replied over his shoulder.
Stepping inside the house, he glanced around the living room and into the kitchen, but she wasn't there. He moved through the kitchen and into the hallway to stand in front of her bedroom door. He took a deep breath and knocked.
"Don't worry. I'll be out in a minute. I just needed to check on something."
He could hear the emotion in her voice. "It's me, Jo."
"I'm all right, Pacey."
The way she'd choked on the words made it obvious she was anything but all right, and he might've laughed at her stubbornness if there'd been anything remotely funny about the situation. "Can I come in? Please?"
Silence. "Okay."
Relieved, he opened the door and stepped inside her room, closing it shut behind him. She was sitting on the edge of her bed. Joey lifted her eyes to his, the edges rimmed with tears. Without thinking, Pacey moved to sit beside her and wiped her tears away with his thumbs.
"Don't cry, sweetheart," he whispered.
"I should be happy for Dawson, and I really am. He got what he always wanted, and I should be out there celebrating with him, but…" Tears rose in her eyes again.
"It's not fair. What was the point of spending twelve years being an absolute control freak about school, you know, giving myself an ulcer doing things like hunting snails because I got a ninety-eight on a test? Where does that get me? Punished for being poor, or… not poor enough. It's not fair, Pacey."
There must be something she could do. "You can't let money stop you from going to Worthington. What about student loans? Everyone takes out student loans, Jo."
"Do you know what debt did to my family? What it drove my dad to do? Why he's sitting in a prison cell right now? That won't be me, Pacey. I refuse to be twenty-two years old with sixty grand in debt hanging over my head. I won't do it. That's not the future I want. I refuse. You know that me getting the financial aid was just as important as being accepted, and it didn't happen."
"I could sell a kidney."
In spite of herself, she laughed through her tears, and then she frowned at him. "Stop it. This isn't a joke, Pacey."
"I know that."
She took a deep breath and thought a moment. "Well, maybe I'll just hold off a few months and then apply for the spring semester. I'll apply at UMass and I'm sure they'll probably take me, and it's only ten thousand a year, including room and board. Financial aid will cover it."
"State school? Come on, Jo. You wouldn't be happy there. What about BU?" He paused a moment. "Williams?" He couldn't help but feel he was getting his hopes up with that last one.
"Oh, you didn't know? They're even more expensive than Worthington. So, yeah, I'm screwed all around."
He let out a heavy sigh. Even if those other schools were attainable, he knew deep down she wouldn't be happy anywhere but Worthington, and she'd always regret not being able to go.
She blinked away her tears, but more took their place.
He couldn't stand to see her cry. He hated to see her in pain. Her lower lip trembled and he wiped his thumb over it, remembering every kiss, every whispered word, every promise made. He couldn't let her give up on her dreams, not when he had the power to ease that ache in her heart.
"Joey…" He swallowed, waiting for her to look at him. She turned, her eyes searching his. "I'll give you the money for Worthington."
She blinked, taken aback. "What?"
"I have the money. It won't cover sixty grand, but it'll pay for your first year. It'll get you there, and then we'll figure out the rest. We'll both get jobs in the city, and we'll pay your way through college, Jo. We can do it."
Shocked, she stood up from the bed and moved away, putting distance between them. She felt the panic rise. "No. No, Pacey. I'm not taking your money. You've saved that money for years. It's yours."
"Technically," he replied, standing up from the bed. "But, honestly, for a long time now I've thought of it as our money—our nest egg that was gonna get us both outta here. You know, our Boston money. If you don't go to Worthington, then the whole plan for Boston goes out the window."
"Pacey, this is insane. I'm not taking your money."
"Look, I know it's in your instincts to automatically say no and fight me on this. You're stubborn as a mule." His mouth had curved into a grin, but then his gaze softened. "But it's your dream, Jo. Just take some time and think about it, okay? Could you at least do that for me? Please?"
He closed the distance between them. Cradling her face in his hands, Pacey lowered his face to kiss her, soft and gentle, before stepping back and walking out of her room.
On Sunday, Joey spent her entire shift at Leery's Fresh Fish thinking about Pacey's offer. Just like she'd spent the previous day, and most of last night, as she lay awake staring up at her bedroom ceiling. She knew he'd saved a considerable amount of money. It was money he'd worked just as hard to earn and save up, as she had worked at school to earn a chance at going to a great college. Worthington was a lot of things, but cheap wasn't one of them.
Which was why she couldn't take money from him. She couldn't take it because she loved him. She couldn't take it because she didn't want to have to depend on him any more than she already did. She couldn't take it because they slept together, and she couldn't stand the idea of money and sex having anything remotely to do with each other. There were so many negative connotations to the notion of men giving women money that she'd absorbed over the years.
"When a man gives you money you give him control."
"When a man gives you money, he owns you, or thinks he does."
Yet in her heart, she knew this did not apply to Pacey. She knew his motives were pure, and that he was full of too much kindness and goodness to ever treat her like that. She knew it was her own damn pride that was in the way. That, and her fear of his inevitable resentment when he considered everything that he could've spent his money on instead. She wasn't worth it.
Later that afternoon, unable to hang around inside the house and be the recipient of Bessie's pitying looks, she banished herself outside to the backyard. She was sitting in the Adirondack chair facing the creek when she heard the back door open and footsteps over the grass behind her. Soon after, Pacey was there, moving to stand in front of her.
"So… are we going to Worthington?"
"No. I was thinking that, uh, you know, maybe I'll stay here another year, and then, you know, I can declare myself financially independent, and then I can reapply."
Ridiculous. "No, you're not staying here another year," he said as he knelt down in front of her.
"It's just a year."
"No, it's not. It never is, especially not in a town like this. The weeks become months. The months become years. The years become decades. Pretty soon, you've lived a fraction of the life that you were meant to. That's not gonna happen to you, Jo. You don't want it to. I don't want it to. Your family and friends don't want it to, either."
"I'd never be able to pay you back, Pacey."
"You wouldn't have to, Joey."
"Yes, I would. Look, I can't take that much money from you. Even if it was hundreds instead of thousands, I couldn't. Even just saying it makes it sound like…"
"What, like it would come between us? Ruin our relationship?"
She swallowed at the sound of him voicing aloud her fears. "Yeah."
He stared at her. Did she not understand? He stood up and grabbed her by the hand. "Come on."
She went with him as he pulled her up. "Where are we going?"
"I want to show you something," he replied, pulling her towards the back door he'd walked out not long before.
They were soon standing in her bedroom, and he closed the door. Joey looked around. Everything looked exactly the same as when she was in here an hour ago, changing out of her work clothes, except on her bed there was now a stiff and glossy white box, tied with a blue silk ribbon. The upper corner of the box bore a familiar shop's logo. Her eyes went wide. He wouldn't have.
Intrigued even as she was overwhelmed, she approached the bed and opened the box. "Oh, my," she breathed. A shiny lavender sateen dress lay within the folds of tissue paper. Joey set the lid aside and lifted the dress from the box. She was speechless for a moment. Emotion tightened her throat. Her eyes pricked with tears.
"You bought it!" she exclaimed. She turned to see Pacey looking at her with contentment as she held the dress. Oh, he bought it for her. She couldn't believe he bought this dress for her. She loved it. She loved him.
She stared at the dress for the longest time and rubbed her hand on the familiar material like she did every time she'd touched it at the dress shop. She turned to her boyfriend with the biggest smile. "You bought me the prom dress, Pacey. Thank you so much."
Joey pulled him into a tight hug, and he was somewhat surprised this was going over so well and without any resistance. "Gretchen and I made a little trip over to Hyannis earlier today, and she showed me the dress. There's some blue wrap type thing in the box, too."
As she pulled out of the hug, it hit her. "Pacey, this dress was three hundred dollars. How could you spend that much? It's too much."
Now that was the reaction he'd expected. "I need you to understand something, Jo," he stepped forward, taking her hands in his. "It's not too much. This dress was not too much. Worthington is not too much. Nothing is too much. Don't you get it?" He had a lump of emotion to swallow. "I love you, Joey. Your happiness means everything to me. If I have the power to help you, let me. I want to make you happy. I need to make you happy. I know in my heart that… I will never be happy unless you're happy.
"I love you, and I know you love me. I can't see anything coming between us, Jo. And I'll be damned if something as stupid as money does. We're a team. We can do this together."
Tears filled her eyes and she sniffled. As she gazed up at him, she couldn't bring to mind any of her reasons for saying no. All she saw was his love and commitment to her. "Okay."
His brows shot up, his heart pounding. "Yeah? We're going to Worthington?"
Overcome with emotion, she raised her face and kissed him. "Thank you."
He clearly understood one simple truth, the basis of his entire future life, that so long as she was there, so long as he had her by his side, he wouldn't need anything except for her. As long as they were together, his future would be bright and happy. Pacey pulled Joey into his arms and returned her kiss passionately.