I can see you standing, honey,
With his arms around your body,
Laughing but the joke's not funny at all.
Straightening the sleeves of his suit jacket, he walked into the function room that had been done up for the hospital's fundraising event he had been invited to. Around the room stood various doctors from Seattle Grace hospital, including benefactors. If anyone were to ask, he was here for the opportunity given to him by Dr Ellis Grey, getting experience of how other hospitals were run. He wasn't sure himself why she had chosen him to accompany her, but he could only assume it was out of convenience given that his father had been invited to the event as well, as they the two senior doctors were visiting anyway for reasons he hadn't bothered to listen to.
His eyes caught the reason he even accepted the offer immediately, seeing her stood by the far end of the bar, her waist held by foreign arms. He recognised the dress she worse, the one she had on when they first met. If anything, it fit her better now than it had four years ago. His eyes narrowed as he felt the surge of jealousy run through him, did she wear that dress on purpose, to anger him? He barely glanced at the guy, only to register that he was male, a little older than Derek, and Meredith for that matter. He could tell they were having a quietened conversation of some sort, and she looked almost tense beside him, but wasn't pulling herself away.
And it took you five whole minutes,
To pack us up and leave me with it,
Holding all this love out here in the hall.
He strode over to the opposite end of the bar, keeping her in his eyesight. He ordered his usual drink and leant against the bar, ensuring she was aware of his presence as their eyes locked together. Her eyes broke from his as someone else approached them, and he noticed the fake laugh she exhaled at whatever was said. The way this guy's hand started to lower down Meredith's back made Derek's blood boil. No one should be touching her like that, only him.
Didn't she realise what she was doing to him? He still felt this intense love, desire for her, and not only had she not told him about this budding relationship she appeared to be having, she definitely didn't hesitate to flaunt him in front of her. He was still willing to fight for her, and one wrong move from that guy could probably earn him a swiftly broken nose at the hands of Derek. She wasn't his though, not anymore.
I think I've seen this film before,
And I didn't like the ending.
You're not my homeland anymore,
So what am I defending now?
He took his drink from the bartender, taking a sip and relishing in the burn down his throat of the golden-brown liquid. Unable to watch wherever the unknown male's hand was planning to go, he caught Meredith's gaze once more, noticing the slight motion of her biting her lip, which proved too much for him to witness. He pushed himself off the bar and turned around to begin circulating around the room.
Lost in thought, he only noticed his own father when a hand placed on his shoulder, and It was obvious to the older Shepherd of the mood his son was in.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Christopher tried to push Derek to speak to him, but all Derek could do was shake his head and take another drink of scotch.
"She's not mine," he muttered as he shrugged his shoulders and leant back against the wall beside them, "and now I have to watch that."
Christopher glanced to where Derek had motioned toward, seeing Meredith in quiet conversation by the door to the balcony with Brayden, the general surgery fellow from Mercy West, who he only knew through Ellis. He instantly figured that was something engineered by the controlling woman and shook his head a little. He knew there was no serious relationship going on there, but maybe it would give Derek a taste of his own medicine. "I guess you know how she felt last year, Derek," he turned back again and gave his son a concerned look, sighing softly, "If it's meant to be it'll work out. She'll come back to you."
"And if I've already missed that chance? We've happened upon each other so many times at the hand of this so-called fate, and I've ruined every chance, why should I get another?" Derek shook his head and pushed up off the wall, leaving his father with whichever surgeon had approached him for conversation.
You were my town,
Now I'm in exile seeing you out,
I think I've seen this film before.
Across the bar, Meredith was feeling very uncomfortable with the whole situation. Not only did she have to go to the hospital fundraising gala this because her mother was attending, and on short notice, she also had unwanted physical contact with Brayden. Clearly, her mother had taken it upon herself to invite a date for Meredith, the guy she'd set her up with a few times now. Brayden took this to mean him and Meredith were in some kind of relationship.
She wasn't sure why her mother would go to such lengths to set her up with a guy, given her opposing views on Meredith having a relationship at all until her residency and fellowship were finished with. No distractions, that was what she was always told.
She felt his presence in the room before she saw him. She caught his eyes as he leant against the bar, in her eyeline but out of her Brayden's. Their gazes locked a moment, and she could see the look in his eyes that she had seen in the bar when she had hugged Mark, only much more intense, his blue irises darkened at the mix of jealousy and lust battling for dominance. The way his hand gripped the edge of the bar, she knew he was angry, and it wouldn't surprise her in the least if Brayden left this soiree with a broken nose.
I can see you staring honey,
Like he's just your understudy,
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me.
She broke her gaze with Derek and had planned to pull herself from Brayden's embrace when they were approached by one of his colleagues, making a comment on how adorable the pair looked. She exhaled in a soft laughter, keeping the peace, not finding the compliment very complimentary at all. The only person she wanted with his arm around her, attempting to feel her up…
She swallowed, her gaze turned to find Derek again, and she bit her lip as she watched him sip at his drink before pushing his weight off the side of the bar and turning around to start circulating around the room. She noticed his father had found Derek's acquaintance and she turned back to the situation at hand. Her hand squeezed Brayden's arm as she turned to look up at him, "Can I speak to you a moment, in private?" She hoped he caught on to her annoyance, but from her limited knowledge of him, he probably didn't.
Brayden gave her a nod and they moved to the side of the room, by the balcony doors. His handles settled on her waist, "What's wrong, my love?"
She cringed internally at his choice of words and hoped it didn't show on her face. She took his hands, moving them off of her waist as she spoke, "Brayden, I'm not, we're not…"
"Meredith, you can't deny there is something between us," he spoke in a soft voice, stepping towards her again, but she stepped back herself and shook her head.
"No, this was all engineered by my mother. I have no intention of taking this any further. I have to focus on my career," she told him, being blunt was probably the only way she'd get her message across to this guy.
He rolled his eyes at her, seemingly wising up, "Fine. I should have known this was fruitless when your mother suggested it."
She watched as he walked away, a little confused by his reaction but shook it off. She didn't have time for trivial matters. She needed to get this night over with and get home. It'd be even better if her mother and Derek could be gone back to New York soon as well, but she had no idea how long they were staying in town for.
She smoothed the front of her dress before starting to make her way back over to the bar, "Can I get an old-fashioned?" The bartender nodded and went to grab a bottle of whiskey to put in the drink when she realised her mistake, "Oh, no! With tequila. Sorry."
The bartender simply nodded with a polite smile and continued to make her drink as requested. Really, she wanted a line of tequila shots, or maybe just the whole bottle, but her mother would definitely have something to say about that.
She thanked the bartender as he passed her the drink and she took a sip, closing her eyes as she focused on the sensation of the sharp liquid travelling down her throat. She then turned, her eyes darting around the room to find someone to make conversation with. Her eyes found the warm, welcoming blue, calm, caring ones of Christopher Shepherd's, who was now stood alone, and she gave him a small nod of acknowledgement.
She crossed the room to stand beside him and he leaned forward to kiss his cheek, which she returned, "It's good to see you again, Meredith."
"You too, Dr Shepherd," she gave a him a smile as she sipped her drink.
"Call me, Chris, please," he chuckled softly, "How have you been these past few months? I saw you speaking with Brayden Cooper earlier," he raised his eyebrows in curiosity at her.
She shook her head a little with a soft laugh, "That's nothing. That's Ellis trying to control my relationships. Which is strange, since she tells me not to bother with that until I've at least completed my fellowship," she rolled her eyes almost involuntarily, "Other than that though, I've been good. Working on some research myself, actually."
"I heard some rumours about that. Sounds promising, it would definitely set your career off," he grinned at her, and she got the sense that he was proud of her.
"Yeah, I guess we'll see," she grinned back at him, but it soon fell as she caught sight of her mother approaching the pair.
"Come on, Meredith, Christopher, we need to go. They're about to start," Ellis chastised as she took her daughter by the arm over to their table, Christopher following in amusement.
She took her seat at the table beside her mother, tapping her fingers against her drink glass as she waited for the ceremony itself to start. Chris had also sat at the table with him, leaving an empty seat between himself and Meredith, which she didn't think much of, until she realised what he was doing. She exchanged a look of acknowledgement with her Chief of Surgery, who sat on the other side of Ellis.
As Derek sat in the chair beside Meredith, with it being the only empty one at the table now, she looked up to the older Shepherd man, raising an eyebrow at him and he just shrugged, as if he had no idea what he'd done. She looked straight ahead, half listening to whatever her mother was going on about as she finished the rest of her drink. As a waiter passed the table, she got their attention to get her a refill, only to be chastised by her mother again, "Meredith, I hope you don't plan on getting black-out drunk tonight."
She rolled her eyes at Ellis' comment, and rested her chin on her palm, supported by the table and muttered softly, "Of course not, Mother."
She attempted to ignore the blue-eyed gaze of her long-lost lover beside her as the host for the evening droned on. Every now and again, though, she couldn't help herself and would glance over at him, trying to read the expression on his face, an attempt to read his thoughts. He wasn't giving her an inch. She focused again on the small stage where they were ready to introduce her mother, Dr Ellis Grey, to come up and speak. She watched as her mother stood with her air of grace, and sophistication, making her way over to the small stage and up to the podium.
She started to speak, welcoming them all there and getting straight into the medicine. Her mother's eyes caught hers a few times, but she couldn't quite distinguish the look she was being given. It was almost as if she was being asked a question, but she didn't know what the question was. She watched her Ellis' gaze shift to the male who sat beside her for a split second before focusing on the rest of the audience again.
Meredith turned to look to her side, and it would seem the only person not looking Ellis was Derek. Because Derek was looking at her, again, or still. She wasn't sure which. She let out a short exhale and furrowed her brow before looking back to her mother to catch the end of her speech, the words she spoke resonating with her, and making her feel proud in this moment to be Ellis Grey's daughter.
"Also, with laparoscopic common bile duct exploration, post-op bi-leaks and strictures are significantly minimised. It was called, at the time, an audacious technique. And it was," her mother let out a short laugh and a small laughter agreed with her. "Some context for you. I was the only woman in my surgical residency programme. They called me… 'girl' and 'Mrs Grey,'" this comment made Meredith smirk to herself, resting her chin on her hands as her elbows propped on the table. "Along with the one black male resident, I was clearly excluded," this had Meredith quirking her eyebrow, not only at the mention of Richard Webber, her own Chief of Surgery, but at the forlorn look in her mother's eyes when she looked over at him. Clearly, she had missed something there, some piece of history between them both. And, given the look Richard was now giving her mother, she had a pretty good idea of what it might entail.
Her mother continued on, "They didn't want me to be part of their boys' club. So, I did the only audacious thing you can do with an audacious technique. I got myself published in the journal of American medicine. That caused an uproar. A resident was not first author of a published paper," she paused a moment before carrying on. "But the truly audacious part came when they saw what I named my technique. The Grey Method. I put my own name on it. You should've heard the boys roar about that. The first time I won the Harper-Avery I dedicated it to the men who had been so supportive. No, I wish, just kidding. The first time I won the Harper-Avery, I thought, screw all those boys. I stood there, holding that trophy," her gaze moved back to Meredith now, as thought she was only talking directly to her, "And I thought about everything I'd sacrificed, what I had overcome, and I dedicated that award to all the women surgeons who would come after me."
As the audience applauded around them, Meredith sat up straighter in her chair, her hands dropping into her lap with a quiet applause of her own. All of a sudden, she was feeling a little suffocated. She needed to get air. As Richard stood to join Ellis on the stage, presumably to round up the end of the speeches before the evening continued, Meredith stood and headed for the french doors that lead out onto the balcony. She found herself gripping the iron bars that enclosed the balcony area, taking deep breaths of the fresh evening air.
It was all just getting too much. Having eyes on her all evening. The ones of her mother, that she couldn't quite figure out. The glares she could feel coming from Brayden who had lingered across the room. Derek's eyes, watching her expectantly, as though he couldn't stop himself from looking at her.
Second, third and hundredth chances,
Balancing on breaking bridges
Those eyes add insult to injury.
The sound of the doors closing behind her startled her, and she span around to see who had joined her out on the balcony. She pressed her lips together a moment as he moved closer to her, "What do you want from me?"
"Meredith…" he started, reaching a hand out to her.
"No! You've been looking at me all night. You need to stop!"
His eyes softened as he moved closer to her, and she couldn't move, backed up against the iron railing. "Meredith –" she cut him off again.
I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
I'm not your problem anymore
So who am I offending now?
"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" She was angry now, it had taken all the willpower she possessed to stay away from him all night, and now he had followed her outside onto the balcony where she'd escaped to get some space to breath in the first place, away from his stare. "Why did you even follow me out here? I'm trying to get away from you, Derek. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that. We can't do this. You moved on. I made it very clear that I didn't want a relationship and you moved on," she took a deep breath, looking down, before speaking again, "Leaving you, first after the time we spent in Hawaii, and then again after New York, it almost killed me." She turned to look at him again now, his gaze still fixed on her as she spoke, seemingly lost for words. She shook her head at him and although she could feel herself shaking slightly, she continued on, "You can't just follow me around, staring at me, when I know you belong to someone else. You don't belong to me, and I don't belong to you. You're with someone else and I can't have these feelings, I can't, and when you look at me like that – "
"Meredith, let me talk," he interrupted her rambling. As cute as it was, he needed to stop her train of thought now. "I don't belong to anyone, I'm not with anyone. The only person I want to belong to is you," he grabbed her hand and pulled her close against him, whilst his other hand moved to hold her at her waist. His lips lowered to just below her ear, talking softly, "It's been torture without you."
Her breath caught at his sudden movements, and goose bumps raised on her skin at his warm breath grazing against her skin. Her hand gripped to his for dear life as he continued to speak, looking into her eyes again, "I hurt you, and I'm sorry. You're it for me, you're everything. I don't know what I was doing with her, but I wasn't happy. You make me happy. And I'll wait for you. I promise to you, this time, I'll wait. As long as it takes."
She didn't know why she was crying or when it had started, but tears were falling down her cheeks. He released his hold on her hand and waist, bringing both hands up to cup her face and wiping his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away the tears before lowering his lips against hers.
She immediately responded to the touch of his lips, her hands gripping the front of his jacket to bring herself closer against him. He slowly backed her up again against the iron railing as their lips danced together, pressing his body against hers. Nothing could compare to how she made him feel. He had wanted nothing more than to do this again ever since they'd been at the bar back in New York, and he regretted not coming to find her in Seattle after he'd missed her in the airport until now. He wished he hadn't taken so long. He wished he hadn't talked himself into believing they were both better off if he left her alone. A soft moan escaping Meredith's lips spurred his arousal on further, his need for her increasing with each flicker of her tongue against his.
His hands moved to her waist, and the fabric of her dress gripped between his fingers. His lips were pressed against hers and his hands held her hips with a slight pressure against the outside wall, and a voice in her head was telling her they needed to move, but she didn't want to lose his touch, not after being without it for so long. But she had to. Without any warning, she slipped away from his hold and went back inside, not daring to look back at him. She needed a drink.
You were my crown,
Now I'm in exile seeing you out.
I think I've seen this film before
So, I'm leaving out the side door.
One second, he had her in his arms, and the next moment she was gone, and she left him feeling empty, bereft. He straightened the front of his jacket from where her fingers had clung on and ran his hand through his hair. He turned, walking back through the balcony doors and into the large room that hummed with various conversations, no one the wiser as to what had transpired out on the balcony.
His eyes scanned the room and zoned in on Meredith, stood by the bar with a shot of tequila sat on the bar on front of her. He frowned a little as he moved up beside her just as she swallowed the small amount of liquid in the glass. His hand touched her gently at the small of her back, and the tension that had been present in her when he approached appeared to fade away, although she did jump slightly. He spoke in a low voice, close to her ear, "Meredith, please can we talk?"
So step right out, there is no amount
Of crying I can do for you
All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out (Didn't even hear me out)
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
"Derek, we can't, not here…" she murmured softly against the glass of her drink as she took a sip.
"Then when?" He signalled to the waiter and ordered a drink of his own, "I just want to talk."
She sighed softly and pressed her lips together as she thought for a moment. Maybe she should meet up with him later on… to talk, of course. She grabbed a pen that had been left on the bar and a napkin, writing her number on the tissue before sliding it over to him, "We can talk later."
Distracted by the fact she had actually given him her number, he didn't notice that she had slipped away from him until it was too late, and he saw her across the room talking to her mother a moment before he watched her leave the function room, pulling his phone out ready to message her.
exile (feat. Bon Iver) - Taylor Swift.
A/N: Quick response to review left by pl782, Cristina and Derek briefly spoke in the airport lounge in Chapter 5 - Bedroom Ceiling :)