Padmé Amidala sank into the mattress aboard her ship, and let the stress from the past few days melt into the blankets that adorned her bed. She stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes, her mind still moving a thousand meters an hour. Once she could string together a few individual thoughts, she sat up and thought over what she had been forced to endure as of late.
The entire week had been a whirlwind of confusion and chaos. First was the gala, and that had been fine in and of itself, but much more had happened outside of the event. Anakin, who apparently hadn't been allowed to come, had witnessed the death of Sheev Palpatine at the hands of the Inquisitor. There was so much packed into those few hours that she had missed that she didn't like thinking about it.
She had been confused as to why Anakin hadn't been allowed to attend the gala, but she was more disappointed. She had been hoping to see him the minute the gala had been announced and invitations had been sent out. Surely, the Chosen One ought to be on duty that night, right? Wrong, as it had turned out. Although, maybe it was for the better.
Never, not in a million years, had Padmé thought that Chancellor Palpatine would be a traitor. It was hard enough to hear that he had been killed, but a traitor? He had worked with her so often, first while she was the Queen of Naboo and then again when she transitioned to Senator. Palpatine had been so kind, so helpful, but now it seemed that he had harbored his own secrets, just as she had hidden hers. This wasn't uncommon, as on Naboo secrecy was accepted and almost expected, but the secrets of Naboo were for the benefit of those who did not know. Compartmentalization was used to protect and accomplish, not to exploit.
His death had hit her hard, even after she learned that he was a Sith Lord. It had been decided that she would announce the news to the galaxy, since she had been closest to him in the Senate, not including his personal staff who had all been dismissed. The Senators had been given a day to process and think of what would be in the best interest of their systems, and Padmé had spent her day thinking over what it would mean for Naboo.
Due to their poor relations with the Trade Federation, her counselors and advisors had all decided that Naboo would be maintaining their alliance with the Galactic Republic. Many of her friends, however, had decided otherwise. Some systems had decided that they preferred to join the Alliance of Independent Systems, and some had decided to drop out of the war altogether. They would become neutral, and would no longer be supporting either side of the Clone War.
For once, they would be allowed to. Everyone had realized how shaken civilians and politicians alike would be, after learning that the leader of one side was also the leader of the other. To avoid bloodshed and to calm public opinions and fears, new alliances were allowed to be made and old alliances were allowed to be abandoned, all without outside interference. It was the first time in centuries that something so radical had taken place, but it was silently agreed among the Senate that no one really wanted to interfere anymore. This might be the only time a break would be offered, and they all were intent on taking it.
Personally, Padmé completely understood why systems were dropping out of the Republic and going neutral, or becoming Separatist. Her own faith in the Senate had been shaken, especially after learning that one of her oldest friends in the galaxy had been a traitor the whole time. When she thought about it further, though, the truth of the matter scared her.
Palpatine had been willing to sacrifice clones, resources, Jedi, and even civilians to accomplish his goal, which was starting to look more and more like absolute monarchy of all systems, not just the Republic. She had taken a look back through the Senate's records, and she had realized for the first time how much war power the Chancellor had been given over the past four years. They had all been labeled as 'emergency powers', and would have been taken away as soon as peace was achieved, but it was clear now that Palpatine had not intended for the war to end. If the war never ended, then he would retain his power. It was truly brilliant, just as much as it was cruel.
He had taken advantage of all of them, and of their faith in him. If his work had gone on much longer, he might have succeeded in turning the democracy into a monarchy. Maybe he intended to be a king or an emperor, but Padmé was no longer confident in his intentions. He was much more than she had ever known, so much more, and she wasn't sure she wanted to know what he truly was when she hadn't been looking.
Then there was Anakin. He had trusted him just as much as she had, and she couldn't imagine what it must have been like to watch him die, especially before he knew who Palpatine really was. They had been so close, and Padmé had known how much Anakin appreciated him. Without a birth father, Anakin had been taken under his wing from a young age. She only wished that he hadn't had to have been there.
She wasn't surprised when she heard that Anakin had chased down the Inquisitor and killed her. After the death of his mother, Padmé had seen how protective he had become. He would have taken the Chancellor's death personally, she knew he would. Padmé had never met the Inquisitor, but she knew Anakin had, multiple times, over missions. All Padmé knew about her was that she was a red, Force-sensitive Togruta, and she had killed Palpatine. Not to mention, she was now dead.
Padmé didn't really feel anything for the Inquisitor. In reality, she couldn't care less about her other than that she had exposed the Chancellor, thankfully before anyone else had to die. When Anakin had brought the results of her DNA scan, she had been glad to know that it wasn't anyone Padmé had met before. She didn't need something else to stress out about right now. She had a much more complicated situation to deal with.
She stood up and made sure her door was locked before standing sideways in front of the mirror. She put a hand over her stomach and compared it to the rest of her body. Her baby bump wasn't showing, not yet, but it would be soon, and she would have to use her decoys once it did. It was one of the reasons she hadn't volunteered to become the new Chancellor in Palpatine's absence. She had been nominated, multiple times, by many different Senators, but she had denied the nominations. This was more important.
It was also the real reason she had been disappointed to not see Anakin at the gala. Padmé had hoped that the noise and music of the event would have provided enough cover to tell him, but he hadn't even been there. Even when he had dropped off the Inquisitor's results and some of her effects, he hadn't been able to stay. He had been sent to another system where a riot had been starting. He hadn't come back either and was still there. Padmé had been forced to return to Naboo without telling him about their child.
She had been pregnant for two months now, and no one outside of her immediate family and her most trusted staff had been told. Padmé had already been working in secret to secure safety for the baby and had made arrangements for their care while she was working. It was going to be difficult to keep the child a secret, even after she gave birth. Anakin was a Jedi and wasn't even supposed to be married, much less a father, and she was a Senator, who was not publicly wed to anyone and shouldn't be expecting.
Thankfully, her family had stepped up to the challenge. They had offered to shelter and care for the baby once she gave birth, especially her sister and her mother. Padmé knew they loved children, and that the child would be well cared for. She wished that she could be with the child more than she knew she would be, but she would visit as often as humanly possible, and she knew Anakin would too. It was going to be okay.
She just wished that she could have told him. She didn't want to worry him with something else, since she knew how much the Clone War meant to him. He took his duty as a Jedi seriously, and Padmé wanted to support him through it, but she hoped that his child would know their father, and how much he had done for the galaxy.
Padmé also hoped that it wouldn't remind him too much of his own family. Padmé didn't know what Anakin would think of her being a mother after watching Shmi Skywalker die on Tatooine. She did know, however, that she would be there to help him, and that if Anakin let her help he would be okay. The child would be okay.
She smiled down at her stomach. Padmé had started to think of baby names, but when she tried to write down her favorites, there had been too many. Chances were that she would know the day the child was born, but right now, there were hundreds that she liked. Maybe Anakin would have a few ideas on how to narrow the list down. Well, lists. She had one for a girl and one for a boy.
The lists were currently under her mattress on her ship. She lifted it off of the bed frame and sat with the lists in her hand. She had written them on paper, in case they needed to be destroyed. Padmé looked down the list, running through the possible names for a girl. She added a few, crossed some others off, and did the same for the boy list. Padmé couldn't help but smile at the idea of a small girl or boy in her arms, and she had fallen in love with the image of Anakin holding a son or daughter. She had made her sister promise to take a picture of him holding the child after they were born. Padmé would be keeping that forever.
The doctor had told Padmé that they would know the gender soon, at one of the ultrasounds they had scheduled. They would also be able to make sure that the child was developing properly. Padmé was also on a diet, although she had been craving quite a few things that were definitely not on that list. Lots of water, too, and she was cutting down on a few junk foods. Not all of them, but some. Padmé wondered if she would be able to tell Anakin about the baby before she knew the gender, or if she would know by the time they managed to get together in private.
Padmé looked out the window at the hyperspace tunnel. It would be nice if there was someone else that knew about the baby. Someone that Anakin could talk to. She had her family and the doctor and a few of her staff members, but Anakin was going to have to keep the secret all by himself. She had faith that he could, but she knew it would be easier if someone was there to help him. She had thought about telling Obi-Wan Kenobi, his master, but he was on the Council and might be forced to share the truth.
She wished she knew where Ahsoka was. Ahsoka, as she had found out a while ago, had guessed that something was between them, although Padmé wasn't sure if the Togruta knew that they were married. Even if she had still been a Padawan, she could keep a secret, especially if Anakin had asked her to keep quiet. Now that she was a civilian, she didn't have to report to the Council at all. If only she or Anakin knew where she was.