Chapter 7
It had been over two months since their failed mission. Bucky had been called into SHIELD HQ numerous times to go over what had happened to him at Azzano. As well as everything after, especially that old HYDRA weapons factory in Austria. He was beginning to regret ever mentioning it in debriefing.
He could see how SHIELD would need as much information as they could get their hands on since everything had hit a dead end. Even if a possible lead was 80-some years old. This was something they were not about to let go.
He himself didn't want them to let it go. He couldn't let it go. He wanted to find out exactly what was going on. Even if he had to rehash everything that they did to him before Steve had come and rescued him and the other Howling Commandos.
The seasons were changing yet again. The height of summer had long since passed and autumn was beginning to make its presence known. This was Bucky's favorite time of year. Spring and all its blooming and growth were nice and all, but he liked the visuals and metaphors of autumn more.
The vibrant colors of the leaves as they fell in red, orange, and yellow tempests. The weather changing from warm and blustery to cool with a nip of a chill in the air. The days growing shorter, the light lasting less and less, as the nights grew longer. Darkness taking over.
He remembered the Greek myth of Hades and Persephone. Six months out of the year Persephone was in the mortal realm with her mother Demeter. When life would flourish in the presence of the Goddess of Spring. The other six months were spent in the Underworld with Hades. The time when life withered and died without her company while the Bringer of Death reigned as Queen of the Underworld.
If one could be both the Goddess of Spring as well as the Bringer of Death, Queen of the Underworld, it gave Bucky a thought, a possibility that there was still a possibility for redemption. That there was still hope for him.
Bucky always held out at least some hope. He had to.
It was on one of these cool mornings, with leaves crunching under their feet, that Sam and Bucky were on another one of their morning runs. This day had taken them past a small café where the line for pumpkin spice lattes almost obscured the entire sidewalk. They made their way past the malt shop and one of Bucky's favorite Jazz clubs.
He noticed a sign in the window for another swing night coming up. Maybe this time would be the day that he would actually make it to the dance floor. He did miss dancing. But he still couldn't seem to bring himself to ask any of the ladies that frequented the clubs to the dance floor. It seemed that he hadn't found the right partner yet. And he knew if Steve could hear him now, he'd be getting an ear full of 'I told you so.'
Sam and Bucky made their way towards the park, as they always did. Bucky's mind still back at the Jazz club. These days he was back to not feeling anxious as they entered the park anymore. He didn't tense up or hold his breath as they passed the bend in the trail. It seemed as if everything had gone back to the way things had been. Everything was almost comfortable.
Only there was one major difference. There was something different about that woman at the concrete tables. She still brought mounds of files and paperwork with her on some days. She still sometimes only had a laptop that her fingers hastily worked away on. And she still sometimes only ever had a book open in her lap.
The difference was that every day that Bucky rounded that bend in the trail, every day that she was there, she always looked up now. Every time she stared him down as they ran past. Only now Bucky was not afraid of it anymore. He expected it now.
Today was no different. As they passed the bend Bucky's heart rate sped up. Something that had nothing to do with the pace him and Sam were keeping. Miss Mysterious was there today. She had not been there for a few days, but there she was.
Without missing a beat, she looked up from her paperwork and set her eyes on Bucky. Her gaze was unflinching. The contrast of the changing leaves behind her made her eyes seem even more haunting than normal. As they got closer Bucky kept eye contact with her, refusing to break it. Easily keeping his expression as neutral as hers.
They were both being as stubborn as ever.
Just as him and Sam passed, she did something she had never done before. She smiled. It wasn't a big smile. It was small and more of a smirk. But regardless, Bucky almost tripped over his feet, on thin air. Again. He did not have time to react in any other way as they passed her and he had to look away.
He just hoped Sam hadn't noticed anything. But of course, Sam seemed to notice everything.
When they got back to the apartment Sam was giving Bucky a knowing look. One he was familiar with, one that said 'I know something you don't.' Bucky just pretended he had not noticed as he made his way to the kitchen for some water.
Sam followed him.
"Would you mind telling me what that was all about?"
Bucky finished his glass of water before giving Sam a cold, unflinching look along with the silent treatment.
"I mean you and Miss Mysterious back there. You two have been staring each other down now for months. And now all she does it smile at you and you trip over yourself? Literally? I thought you thought that she was all kinds of trouble and bad news. What happened to that?"
Sam crossed his arms over his chest and raised accusatory eyebrows.
"I was wrong about her being bad news. We checked her out and everything came back clean. Even with their relatives. You know that as much as I do."
Bucky completely ignored the fact that Sam brought up the fact that he had tripped up.
"You mean you checked her out. And continue to do so. You know, I had a theory a while ago that I never brought up. It was just a thought after all. I didn't think it had any merit. Now I think actually I may be onto something."
Bucky raised his chin and looked at Sam, raising an eyebrow of his own. He could not help himself; he was too curious.
"And what theory would that be?"
"That you are attracted to her and that that is the 'something just isn't quite right' and the 'it just feels off' feeling you've had since the beginning of all of this. She was never a threat, at least not to anything but your lack of dates and smooth moves, Casanova."
Bucky wasn't going to answer. Even if he had, he found that he couldn't. His mouth wouldn't really work. He had no words of rebuttal. Meanwhile, Sam just stood there with a big old satisfied smirk on his face as he watched Bucky struggle.
"Admit it. You like her, but you have no idea what to do with it. That and the last time you had game was in the 40s. Go on. Say it. I'll wait."
What Sam had just said laid heavy on his chest. It took a moment to process it enough to have an answer for himself. And that answer was 'maybe'.
Bucky left the kitchen quickly and headed to his room, leaving Sam standing in the kitchen with the most flabbergasted facial expression Bucky had ever seen on him. Had he not been about to have a mini existential crisis, he would have gotten a kick out of it.
He put on a random Big Band record and laid back on his bed. He needed to think about this. Sam had made some serious sense. Even if Bucky hated admitting it. What if he was attracted to this woman? What if this whole time Bucky was just attracted to her and didn't know how to recognize it after all this time? How was he going to go about this? How was he going to handle this? Should he handle it at all?
Questions sprinted around and around his head. He wished more answers would make their way into his thoughts. Bucky's head was buzzing for hours with questions, theories, and ideas. He was so consumed with his thoughts he didn't come out of his room for the rest of the day and night. He fell asleep early, questions still spinning through his head, as he dreamt of light green eyes.
The next morning found Bucky asleep, twisting and turning in his bed. His sheets wrapped around him, almost holding him down. His dreams of pretty light green eyes had turned to nightmares of light green eyes. He awoke in a cold sweat. Visions of his nightmare still flashing before his eyes. Images that slowly faded as his breathing settled back into a normal rhythm.
When Bucky finally moved to sit on the edge of his bed, his nightmare was barely a wisp of a memory. But he did remember one thing about it. It had been about his early days with HYDRA. Before the brainwashing. Before all of the conditioning.
His heart was racing.
Bucky shuddered and tried to settle and clear his mind as he and Fitzpatrick had talked about. He took deep breaths. Careful to count every inhale and exhale. Mindfulness is what the doctor had called it. Whatever he wanted to call it, it worked.
Both Sam and Bucky were silent during their morning training session as well as while they were at the gym. It wasn't until they had hit the changing rooms did Sam pounce.
"So, are you going to make a move?" he asked off-handedly.
Bucky was confused for a second before realization dawned on him.
"What are you talking about?"
"Are you going to ask out Miss Mysterious?"
Bucky almost laughed at the fact that they had already given her a nickname, without thinking about it, due to how much she had affected their lives.
"No. I'm not."
"Well, why the hell not?!" Sam looked insulted.
"I don't date."
"Come on, man! Just because you haven't dated in 80 some odd years, and probably lost your game since doesn't mean you shouldn't. Why not give it a shot? What's there to lose? How badly could you screw up?"
Bucky smirked. He knew what he was about to say would throw Sam for a loop.
"It hasn't been quite that long since I dated. And the last time I did have a girlfriend, it did not end well. I don't want to get involved. My life is too complicated as it is."
Sam looked confused.
"Wait. Hold up. You've dated since… you know… everything happened?"
"Yeah, and you knew her, too."
Sam remained silent. Urging Bucky to continue as he racked his brains on how that could even be possible. Bucky just stayed silent, keeping the tension and suspense in the air. Finally, he put Sam out of his misery.
"Natasha Romanoff. I trained her in the Red Room. But she was promised to someone else. As I said, it didn't end well. I ended up back in cryostasis after everything was said and done."
Sam's jaw fell with an audible pop. Bucky thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. He was trying to form words, but no sound was coming out. He looked like a fish out of water.
"I guess I still have game after all these years."
Bucky couldn't help but chuckle as he watched Sam slowly getting over being caught so off-guard. While Sam stood there motionless and completely shocked, Bucky gathered up his things and left the changing rooms.
Bucky waited outside for Sam. It was a particularly windy day. Bright and cloudless. With that bite of winter in the air.
Almost as soon as Sam caught up with Bucky outside the interrogation started. He wanted to know when, where, under what circumstances, literally everything about Bucky and Nat's relationship.
Bucky dodged and weaved in and around every question.
Soon they were halfway through their run, and Sam was still not letting up.
Finally, Bucky had had enough.
"Sam, I don't feel comfortable discussing this. This is ancient history. For me and, if she were still alive, her as well. The past is the past, and both of us had forgotten it. We both had no other choice."
Sam suddenly seemed pensive. Something he had said must have struck a chord. At least enough to get Sam to stop the onslaught of personal questions.
Then Sam asked Bucky something he was not prepared for.
"If you had the choice now, what would you do? And I don't mean with Nat."
Bucky remained silent for a long time as they ran through a neighborhood that had been transformed into different art galleries. He contemplated this question seriously, and for quite some time.
Before he knew it, they were coming up on the park. Bucky still had yet to answer Sam's question. He did have some thoughts on it though. If he did have the choice, he would do something with that opportunity. He wanted that opportunity. If he were completely honest with himself.
Back before the war, he had wanted a family and a white picket fence. He wanted nothing more than to find a good woman and to settle down. Eventually. Then the war happened. As well as everything else that had happened afterward. He just didn't think he was capable of that anymore. Not after everything that had happened. It was no longer even an option. Especially for someone like him.
They were approaching the bend in the trail when Sam asked him the same question again.
Bucky kept his answer short. He didn't want to have this conversation now, or ever.
"I would take it if circumstances were different."
Today the strange woman with the green eyes was there, a messy stack of papers in front of her. As per usual she looked up at Bucky as they rounded the bend. Bucky watched her, and Sam watched him. Just before they reached Miss Mysterious and her pile of paperwork a gust of wind blew through the park, sending some of her work out onto the trail.
Bucky watched as she vaulted herself up and over the table and onto the path after the errant papers that were flying across the trail.
Sam and Bucky reached her and Bucky stopped to help her pick up the remaining pieces before they had a chance to be taken any farther away by the wind. Sam just kept right on going. A smirk more than apparent on his face. Bucky could have sworn he heard him say something under his breath but didn't catch it.
The woman stood up quickly, the papers she had caught clutched in her hand. She looked around swiftly for any more lost papers. Then her eyes fell onto Bucky.
"Thank you so much for stopping and catching those before the wind had a chance to make off with them. I'd be in a world of hurt if I lost them."
Bucky stayed silent for another beat. He was assessing her as she was speaking.
She was slightly taller than he had thought she would be. Having never seen her anywhere but sitting at that table, he thought she would be shorter. In reality, she was about 5'7" or 5'8". She had a heavier build, but he thought most of it was muscle. Considering how she had vaulted over that table so quickly and with hardly any effort. Her voice was rather deep and raspy. Her eyes were even more disarming up close.
Bucky noticed that they had a ring of dark green around the irises and the pupils. He handed her the papers he had gathered and responded before anything got awkward.
"No problem. Me and my friend have been jogging through this park for a few years now. I see you at those tables quite often. How long have you been coming here?"
"I've been coming here for more than a few years now. It's the best place to get work done when the weather permits. No random people bothering you. It's peaceful and quieter than some crowded coffee shop. Yet not too quiet. Oh, and by the way, your friend is an asshole for not stopping and helping. You can tell him that for me."
Bucky laughed.
"He usually isn't, I promise. I think this time he had an ulterior motive." Bucky rolled his eyes.
The woman scoffed.
"And what on God's green Earth would that have been?" She looked scornfully in the direction in which Sam had run off.
"I really don't think you want to know. My name is Bucky, by the way." Bucky extended his hand for her to shake.
She flashed him a crooked smile, grabbed his hand, and shook it in a surprisingly strong handshake.
"My name is Ella." She said quietly as she released his hand.
"I'm going to get back to work before I have to actually go to work. It was nice to meet you, Bucky."
She went to turn away when something got the best of Bucky. Something he could not quite explain.
"Hey, Ella."
She turned back towards him. Her extraordinarily green eyes were soft and alluring.
"Speaking of coffee shops, would you want to get a cup with me sometime?"
Bucky stammered and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he asked. He had no idea what had just come over him to ask such a ridiculous question.
Ella tilted her head and seemed to consider him for a moment before she answered. A moment that seemed to have been stopped in time for Bucky. He tried to read her expression, but could not quite get a hold of a reading. She seemed to be almost battling with herself.
Finally, she responded.
"Yes. I think that would be nice. I know of a decent place around the corner. You can run if you'd like, I'll just walk." She smirked at him.
Bucky was taken aback and was more than surprised at her answer.
"When would you like to meet up? My schedule is pretty free at the moment."
Ella took a second to ponder this.
"Today is Friday, I don't work tomorrow. So, how about tomorrow morning? We can meet here. Same time?"
Bucky agreed and watched as she turned to head back to her work. Before she had a chance to sit down and catch him staring, he turned and continued running towards the apartment building.
And most likely a Sam that was overflowing with questions. As well as one that had one major ass-kicking in his future.
Bucky couldn't lie to himself though; he was feeling the most excited he had felt in decades. He felt a lightness as well as trepidation. It was all so exhilarating. And terrifying. He had no idea how he was going to handle this. Was this a date? How do you go about a date nowadays?
So much for not dating.
Holy shit. What the fuck had Bucky just gotten himself into?