A/N: I started planning this chapter (and the several that will follow) on October 17, 2019. Very little has changed from the original plan, no matter how many times I second-guessed myself or wanted to chicken out and not go through with it. I have a lot of empathy for the characters I write and I feel terrible for them, even though I am the one putting them through it. I've fretted and wrung my hands and shed tears over this. But the story has led here, and the groundwork has been laid since some of the earliest chapters if you go back and look. I have to follow through where the characters and plot take me. However, to assure you, none of what happens here directly leads to Joey and Pacey breaking up. I promise they're not going to break up while still in Capeside.
June 3. Pacey had dodged his family's calls all night and they'd left several messages on the answering machine. The Republican primary race for county sheriff was nine days away, and there had been more than one local news story about the heated competition between the incumbent sheriff, John Witter, and his challenger, Deputy Brendan Callaghan. A big campaign event was scheduled for the following weekend, but Pacey wanted no part of it, much to Doug's annoyance, his mother's disappointment, and his father's frustration. They were in a panic over the latest attack ad that was all over the TV, the battle between the two candidates having become cranked up with negativity. There was a lot of money at stake for his dad, too, and he was obviously getting desperate if he wanted his youngest son involved.
But Pacey didn't care. About any of it.
He went to the fridge. There was nothing to drink except a six-dollar bottle of wine his sister had bought last weekend and never drank. He cracked open the twist top and went looking for a clean glass. He poured, then sipped and grimaced. Engine oil would taste better.
Reminding himself to stop at the grocery store after school tomorrow, he returned to the living room. It was almost eleven o'clock and he didn't have the slightest inclination to sleep. Music thumped quietly from the stereo—Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb." He turned it up and poured more wine as he surveyed the U.S. history notes he'd been studying for hours, spread out on the coffee table.
It was after eleven-thirty when his sister walked in the door and he closed his history textbook with a deep sigh.
"Hey, Pace," she greeted with a smile.
"Hey. Where have you been?"
"I hung out at the Leery's after work. Baby Lily is so cute."
He looked at his watch. "They keep the baby up this late at night?"
She threw him a sarcastic look and set her purse on the island. "Me and Dawson ended up playing a board game for a while."
"Sounds thrilling. And how is my erstwhile best friend?"
"Dawson is good. He got invited to a summer program at USC. It starts right after Fourth of July."
"Wow. I guess that means he'll be leaving Capeside sooner than the rest of us." Pacey wasn't sure how he felt about that. He hadn't fully allowed the idea to sink in—the thought of saying goodbye to Dawson this summer and then not seeing the guy for who knew how long. Years, potentially.
"Apparently so."
He stood up and joined her in the kitchen. Gretchen snatched the bottle from his hand. "Drinking my wine, Pacey?"
"It tastes like shit. You can have it." After grabbing another glass, he filled it with cold water. "And how does Dawson feel about heading off to college early?"
Gretchen shrugged. "Oh, you know Dawson. He's surprised and excited at the opportunity, but then he veers off into crushing self-analysis."
"And what's he analyzing about himself these days?"
"His world as it pertains to Joey Potter, what else?"
He gulped down his water. "Care to elaborate, Gretch?"
"Oh, well… it's the usual. He feels torn because while he's excited to move forward and achieve his dreams out there in California, he feels like he'd be leaving things here unfinished. He feels that high school didn't end the way he always thought it would. He believes there's a lot he missed out on that should've been a part of his high school experience. He still believes things should've been perfect, that he and Joey should have slept together for the first time, gone to senior prom together, and were somehow going to colleges on the same coast, at least. I think he's trying to come to terms with the fact that reality is often very different than what one thinks it's going to be."
Pacey had no idea what to say to that.
"It came up in conversation because Dawson mentioned that Joey and Jen were spending Ditch Day in New York. He said he wished he could've taken them to the train station, but Jen had told him his services weren't needed as you were driving them."
"Hmm."
"So, did Joey catch her train all right?"
"She did."
"And Will?"
"Yes, Andie volunteered to take him earlier this afternoon."
"There are quite a lot of messages flashing on the machine," she said, noticing the blinking red light.
"Yeah, I know. From Mom and Dad and Doug. There's some kind of campaign rally on Saturday down at the community center. They would like me to attend, to prove to the registered voters on the Cape that the entire Witter family stands behind Dad and supports him as sheriff like the stand-up guy he is. Gag me with a spoon."
"They want you to be there?"
He scoffed. "Shocking, right? I mean, why me? He already has his pride and joy, Doug, and you, the popular good girl, to stand there next to him and Mom. Everyone else in the family is an embarrassment to a differing degree as far as our parents are concerned, and none more than yours truly."
"So, they want a united front?"
"Something like that, yeah."
"Wow. Dad must be getting nervous."
"Seems so. I think one of the messages says that they're gonna be bringing Carrie's girls to the rally, too. You know, doting grandfather that he is."
The phone suddenly rang, and Pacey groaned. "Jesus, not again. This late?" He watched his sister cross the kitchen floor. "Don't answer it, Gretch."
She ignored him. "Witter House of Pain," she spoke into the receiver, rolling her eyes at him. Then she cracked a smile and offered the phone. "It's your girlfriend."
His chest swelled with happiness, and then worry pushed through as he took it from her hand. He hadn't been expecting her to call. "Hello?"
"Hi, Pacey."
"Hi, Jo. Are you all right?"
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know that Jen and I made it to New York safe and sound and in one piece."
He sighed with relief. "That's good. Where are you calling from?"
"This hotel that was like a two-minute walk from Grand Central Station. It's only ninety bucks a night, so we split a room."
"You're staying in a hotel? Aren't Jen's parents in town?"
"Well, they are, but they don't really know we're here, and I don't think she wanted to stay with them."
"Right. Okay. When did your train get in?"
"Like twenty minutes ago. We just got to the room."
"How was the trip up there?"
"Oh, fine. We had a half hour stop in Providence and had to get on another train, but it was easy." She paused and took a deep breath. "Do you think I made the right decision in coming here?"
His brows furrowed as he leaned against the wall. "What do you mean?"
"Well, that I'm spending Ditch Day in New York instead of studying. I mean, I have three exams on Tuesday, and AP Bio isn't exactly a walk in the park, ya know. And the grades will go on the final transcripts that get sent to Worthington. What kind of impression would that send if I tanked my exams?"
"Jo, you've been studying for your finals for weeks now. You haven't gotten a single grade below an A in Bio all year, and you've never tanked an exam in your life. You'll do fine. And I promised you that we'd pull an all-nighter when you get back, remember? I'll help you study. So, don't spend your time up there worrying."
She heaved a sigh. "I… I know. You're right. I'll try not to stress about it. Oh, Jen's coming out of the bathroom. Guess it's my turn. I'm gonna take a shower and then get in bed. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yep. I'll be there at the station to pick you up. Say hi to Jen, and enjoy yourself in the city. Be safe."
"I will, Pace. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Jo."
Long past midnight Pacey lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Harsh moonlight streaked through the room's windows, creating ghostly patterns of shadow and light. Monday would start his last week of high school. His last final exam was Friday morning, and then he was done, for good. It was over. In just five days, he would be free, and would never again have to set foot inside Capeside High.
It felt surreal. His mind raced with thoughts of Joey, and Gretchen's comments about Dawson. It wasn't a surprise that the guy still clung to the delusion of what his life was meant to look like. The idea of perfection that Joey represented, the ideal girl he'd created in his mind that he was supposed to end up with. However, it would be surprising if Dawson were to ride off into the west coast sunset without at least making one last ditch attempt to plead his case and win her back. And if he was truly going to be leaving early, then time was quickly running out.
He pushed Dawson from his mind and closed his eyes. He started to see Joey's beautiful face, her big soulful eyes, long eye lashes, and soft pouty lips. She consumed his thoughts. All he could think about was her smile. Her eyes. Her soft sighs when he slid inside her body. He drifted off to sleep with thoughts of her kisses. Thoughts of his mouth on her mouth… and other sweet places.
June 4. Pacey woke up with a smile on his face, eager to start the day, the first day of the last week of high school. Yet as he showered, he was reminded of just how many exams he had to take this week, not to mention he'd probably be the only senior in school today. His mood soured, and by the time he came downstairs, the smile had been replaced with a frown.
He didn't have time to dwell on his bad mood for long. He was soon caught up in the rush of getting ready, getting to school, and getting some last minute studying in before classes began. After the bell rang dismissing first period, he was the first person to arrive in Dr. Rochford's classroom. He took his seat and pulled his trigonometry notebook from his backpack. He was hastily reviewing his notes when he was interrupted by Drue Valentine walking into the room holding a Dunkin' Donuts coffee cup.
"Witter. What the hell are you doing here? It's Ditch Day."
He looked up and stared. Didn't this guy have his own class he needed to get to? "Well, I heard you'd be here, Drue. And far be it for me to miss out on even the smallest morsel of your flamboyant wit."
"Thank you. The administration has kindly informed me that, uh, given my questionable attendance and disciplinary records, that participation in potential ditching would result in failure to graduate. So, I told them where to stick it."
"And yet you're still here to grace us with your presence."
"Funny how that works. Yeah. They called my mother."
"Look, Drue, I have this quiz right now, and it's really more of a test than a quiz. He just likes to call them quizzes. I also have a lot of studying to do, so…"
"So, what do you say? After this quiz of yours, whence your attendance is duly noted, you and I blow off afternoon classes and we go get dangerous?"
He blinked. "Boy, that sounds real tempting, but no."
Drue sighed. "Witter, sometimes you just got to say what the hell and live a little."
"Yes, but, you see, I have this test today, and then I have another test tomorrow that's twice as big. And I have a final exam this afternoon, so…"
"Ouch. Hate to be you. Does make you wonder, though."
"Wonder what?"
"What it is Joey's doing at this moment as you rot away in academic prison."
He scowled. "I know what she's doing, Drue. She's in New York with Jen. And seeing as how it's—" he glanced at his watch "—not even eight-thirty in the morning, she's probably not up to much yet."
The bell rang as more kids starting entering the classroom. "Think about my offer, Witter," Drue said as he walked away.
Pacey rolled his eyes, and then looked over to see his teacher approach.
"Mr. Witter. My favorite and only senior. As far as I know, it's looking like you're actually going to pass the class this year. Of course, we'll have to see how you do on the final exam tomorrow. The quiz today should give me a good idea. How are your options looking post-graduation?"
"Well, they're… looking pretty good, actually. I've got some prospects lined up."
"I'm glad to hear that. You've worked hard this year. I'm very proud of the effort you've put in."
He blinked with surprise. "Uh, thanks, Dr. Rochford."
"And how is Joey Potter? I miss having her in my class."
"Uh, she's good."
"Good. And now you're almost out of here." The man dropped a test booklet on his desk and smirked. "So, think of this quiz as the first quiz of the rest of your life."
Pacey heaved a sigh as he closed his notebook and shoved it back inside his bag.
Over two hundred miles away in New York City, Joey watched Jen say goodbye to her old friend Typo, and then the two girls walked out of the café. Quickly getting their bearings, they were soon heading in the direction of Mr. Lindley's workplace in the Financial District in Lower Manhattan. They walked through Washington Square Park, and Joey enthusiastically took in her surroundings. The city was vibrant, exciting, and she could feel herself coming alive just being there in the midst of it all.
After about twenty minutes, they reached Mr. Lindley's building on Broad Street. They stood on the sidewalk and looked up at the skyscraper. Joey turned to see Jen heave a deep sigh. "Well, I'm here," her friend said.
"Yeah." Joey chewed on her bottom lip a moment, noticing her hesitation. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"
"I came all the way here, right?"
"You did, but that doesn't mean you have to do something you don't feel ready to do."
"I gotta do it, Joey."
She reached over and took hold of Jen's hand, and then the two girls went through the glass doors. They stepped into a grand lobby complete with marble floor, multiple elevators, and the rushed hustle and bustle of New Yorkers who had things to do and people to see. They walked over to the directory on the wall.
"It's been so long since I've been in this building," Jen said. "I just want to double check." She easily found the floor and suite number for the company her father worked for, pointing to it. "Yeah, that's the one. Okay, let's go."
They took the elevator to the twelfth floor, and soon found themselves standing outside Mr. Lindley's office door. "Here goes nothin', I guess," Jen said.
As she started to open the door, Joey quickly stopped her. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jen, Jen! Look... after realization and revelation, you travel all the way to New York city to see this man, to confront him about something in what I'm feeling will be one of the seminal moments of your entire life. I've been there with my own dad... at least close enough to know that it only happens once. So, you'd better take a second to think about what that's gonna be."
"Okay."
"Do you know what it is you want to say to him?"
"Um… I hadn't exactly thought that through, to be honest. I guess I thought that once I saw him, I would just sort of know what it was I needed to say." Her eyes filled with tears and she shrugged.
Joey took a deep breath. "Okay. You know what? I think we should take a moment for you to collect your thoughts."
"Yeah, sounds good."
She grabbed hold of Jen's hand and they went in search of a bathroom. Once inside a women's room, they stood at the counter with several marble vanities. Jen stood in front of the large mirror and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Being in therapy, you start to remember things. Things you spent a lot time trying to forget. You look back at pivotal moments in your life and how everything changed afterwards. I know what it is I need to talk to my dad about, but I don't know how I'm gonna get the words out. How did it go when you confronted your dad?"
Joey briefly glanced at her own reflection in the mirror. "It wasn't easy. To stand there and say everything that had been pent up inside and festering for so long. But it helped that I wasn't alone. I knew Pacey was out there, waiting for me with the truck. And knowing he had come with me all the way there and even spent twenty bucks of his own money to bribe a guard, I couldn't just chicken out. First of all, I never would've heard the end of it," she chuckled.
"But knowing I had Pacey's support, you know, in a way, helped me summon the courage I needed to get the words out when I did come face to face with my dad. And I was able to unburden myself. He listened and understood my feelings and told me he loved me, and that's really what I needed to know. I just needed to know my dad loved me.
"So, Jen, as your keeper, I am here to support you. To be there for you so you can get the words out when the time is right."
"God, my palms are sweating." Jen turned on the water faucet. "As much as I love being back here, I hate being here, too," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm seriously wishing I was at home in Capeside right now." She laughed. "You know, if you had told me when I was younger that those words would ever come out of my mouth, I would've slapped you and called you crazy."
Joey leaned against the counter. "Jen, what happened to you?" she asked while her friend washed her hands in the sink. Then she listened as Jen recounted a story from her childhood, of going with her mother to the train station when she was twelve and fighting about having to visit Capeside.
"And then for some reason, I still don't know why, but my mom just turned to me and said, 'Jen, you don't want to go? Fine. Stay here. Go home and be with your father.' And I just remember, um, being shocked that… that I'd won. That instead of going to Capeside I got to go spend a whole weekend with my dad. Heh! I really loved my dad, but—"
A woman walked in, interrupting her. Jen stopped talking and looked at Joey. They grabbed their bags from the counter and then walked out of the bathroom. After entering Mr. Lindley's business and speaking with his secretary, the woman led them back to his office door. She opened it and announced their presence, before stepping aside so they could enter.
Mr. Lindley attacked his daughter with a hug. "Angel, I am so glad you're here!"
"Hi, Dad."
"Hello there," he said to Joey. "You a friend of Jennifer's?
"Yeah, this is Joey Potter from Capeside."
She and Jen's father shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Lindley."
"Please call me Theo. Tell me what brings you and my daughter to Manhattan."
"Well, I've only, uh, been here once before, for a few hours, and Jen was..." Joey eyed her friend a moment. She couldn't very well tell Mr. Lindley that they came all the way to New York so his daughter could confront him about their relationship and then hop on the four o'clock train back to Capeside. "Jen got accepted to several colleges, including the University of New York."
With this news, Mr. Lindley called in his secretary, Donna, and proudly announced Jen's acceptance to the university before telling her to cancel the rest of his day and make restaurant reservations for three in thirty minutes. Jen tried to protest, but her father insisted on celebrating the big event.
It was just past noon when they there stepping out of a yellow taxi cab and approaching the entrance to the Westside Grille. When they were seated at a table inside, Mr. Lindley ordered a cocktail for himself, a Shirley Temple for his daughter, and told the waiter to get whatever Joey wanted.
"Dad?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
Jen froze, a long pause ensuing. She glanced at Joey nervously. "Er, uh, nothing. I forgot."
Frowning in sympathy, Joey then praised her friend. "She's too modest to say it, but Jen was accepted to five out of the six colleges she applied to."
Mr. Lindley seemed bowled over with this bit of information and then proceeded to tell them he'd only applied to Princeton and was accepted. "What about you, Joey? You know where you're heading?"
"Uh, I'm headed to Boston. Worthington."
"Oh, geez!" he exclaimed. "Worthington's a great school, but what about New York? The whole city is an education and inspiration. What do you think about that?"
"I don't know," she shrugged. The idea of living in New York was appealing in many ways, and intimidating in others. "It's kind of big."
"Yeah, no kidding it's big. It's the biggest city in the country. But it's amazing, you know, I have lived here for 30 years, and, uh, it still continues to surprise me every day."
Joey smiled. "How does it surprise you every day?"
Mr. Lindley thought for a moment. "Good question. A city like New York where everything's moving all the time at this constant driving pace… it's like a living organism breathing and changing. And over time your relationship to it becomes like this incredible romance, you know? At first, it's intoxicating, irresistible, and then slowly it becomes comfortable and safe. You have this cellular connection to it, as if you've known each other forever, like your oldest happiness, and sometimes you're on the outs, and sometimes you're making up, and every now and then you catch yourself in this transcendent moment where you think to yourself, 'oh, my God, I'm madly in love with you, and I always will be.' And I think that's when it surprises me."
She stared at him, impressed. "Whoa, that's a good answer." As Mr. Lindley stepped away from the table, she thought about what he'd said about the city. Thought about the way the city made her come alive, and how Jen's dad had compared living in the city to being in an intoxicating romance that becomes a safe, comfortable relationship, yet you remain madly in love. Her thoughts turned to Pacey, and she smiled.
"I don't know how to do this," Jen whispered, breaking her reverie. "How am I supposed to say what I need to say over lunch with all these people around?"
Joey frowned and reached across the table to squeeze her hand. "Maybe an opportunity will present itself."
Soon Mr. Lindley was walking back to the table with his cell phone in his hand. It appeared as if he'd just gotten off a call. "Ladies, I just got some bad news. It's nothing serious, but I have to head back to the office to take care of some stupid business stuff. Um, I'd love to stay, but you know. Go ahead and order anything more you want. Joey, I know that your taste buds have yet to be satisfied. It's all paid for. Henry the chef will take care of you guys."
He handed over a wad of cash to Jen. "I want you to take your friend out and show her an amazing time in New York, okay? Show her some magic." Then he kissed Jen on the cheek, but didn't notice her flinch. "Joey, you're never gonna find a better tour guide than my daughter. She knows this town better than anyone. It's great to meet you."
"It was nice meeting—" she started to say, but Mr. Lindley rushed away from the table.
"Jennifer, I love you," he called out as he walked away. "You get more beautiful all the time. Uh, I'll see you around. Have a safe trip home. I'll call you."
And then he was gone. Joey gazed across the table at her friend, pity welling up inside.
Jen shook her head with a disgusted sigh. "He couldn't get away from me fast enough."
"I'm so sorry."
"Let's just order lunch and then we can take in some of the sights before it's time to make the train."
After they ate, Jen led Joey to one of her favorite spots in the city. They were soon walking out onto a rooftop of a tall building. The views of the city skyline were incredible. She could see practically the entire city from that roof.
Jen started pointing off some of the city's main attractions. "So, below us is Wall Street, World Trade Center, Tribeca, Lower Eastside, Soho, Washington Square Park, Flatiron, Union Square. Off in the distance that's Midtown, Rockefeller Center, the Theater District, Radio City, and, uh, the Empire State Building. God, I do love this town."
"So, this is New York City," Joey said, amazed. "You know, when me and Pacey stopped here last summer, it was at night and I got to see the city all lit up from the top of the Empire State Building, which was amazing. But seeing just how vast it all looks in the daytime…"
"This ain't the half of it, and it is so much better up close."
"Well, maybe my life will take me here in the future. I think Pacey would like living here, don't you? I mean, it's on the water. There's plenty of arenas, although he does hate New York sports teams. But he could always support the Boston teams that come to play, right? Maybe our path will lead here someday. Didn't you say one time that this is the place where cynics like me always end up?"
Her friend laughed. "If only we'd had more time to spend, then I could've really shown you around."
"Yeah, but still… Jen, I mean, thank you. This blows my mind. You blow my mind."
"Aw, thank you. And thanks for coming with me today. I needed you."
Joey smiled. "I know." She paused, thinking over the story that her friend had begun to tell back in the bathroom at her father's work. Something about that moment of coming face to face with her dad for the first time in years must've made her think of it. "Hey, Jen? What happened after your mom left you on the platform at Grand Central Station?"
Her friend proceeded to recount her weekend spent wandering around the city, sleeping in a parking lot one night, in the VIP room of a nightclub another night, and then finally in the dorm room of a guy she met at a bar. From what Jen had said earlier, Joey knew she'd been excited to spend the weekend with her dad. Something had to have happened.
"And why didn't you go home to be with your father?"
"I did." Jen paused, thinking. "Uh, I have to go. There's something I have to do."
This statement didn't surprise her at all. "I know."
"I'm sorry. Are you gonna be okay?"
Joey gave her a casual shrug and smiled. "Hey, I'm gonna be fine. Are you gonna be okay?"
"Yeah. Maybe for the first time."
Feeling worried, her stomach fluttered with nerves. Something didn't feel right. "Why do I feel like we're not gonna see you again?"
Jen didn't answer right away. "We'll see."
A sense of panic rose up inside her. "Jen, the train leaves at four. Please make it. I mean, we need you back there. I need you."
Smiling, Jen squeezed her hand before turning and walking away.
Joey spent the rest of the afternoon walking around, taking in the sights and sounds of the city, before eventually making her way to Grand Central Station. She planted herself outside the entrance to their platform, and waited for Jen to arrive, hoping and praying she would. It was getting closer and closer to four o'clock, and she was starting to get anxious.
Then she finally saw Jen in the crowd. Her friend caught her eye and walked over to her. Without saying a word, filled with immense relief, Joey wrapped her in a tight hug. Then she took Jen by the hand and they walked toward the train.
Late Monday morning, the bell rang releasing Pacey from Spanish class, where he'd been the only student in attendance so his teacher had played a rather boring video. After stopping at his locker, he made his way to the cafeteria. He sat down alone at his and Joey's regular table. While putting ketchup on his fries, he overheard some students talking at the table next to his.
"So, how about we talk about Rochford's quiz?"
"Piece of cake. Never even broke a sweat. So, you think you aced it?"
"Oh, no problem. It was so easy. I didn't even study last night. You think the final tomorrow is gonna be as easy?"
"Yeah."
Pacey looked up and his gaze fell on Drue Valentine across the cafeteria, who also turned to look at him. Their eyes locked. Drue tilted his head at the door that led out to the parking lot, obviously not having given up on his idea to ditch school for the afternoon. Brows furrowed, lips pursed, Pacey shook his head. Rolling his eyes, Drue walked over.
"Come on, Witter," he said as he took the chair across from him. "Don't disappoint me. I thought you were the Bad Boy of Capeside."
He laughed derisively as he popped a fry in his mouth. "I don't know where you get your information from."
"Aren't you the same Pacey Witter who used to steal your dad's patrol cruiser all the time and drive it around town when you didn't even have a license? Who fucked one teacher and got suspended for spitting in the face of another?"
He ignored him and ate another French fry.
"The same Pacey Witter who got a month of Saturday detentions for smoking weed in the school parking lot at lunchtime freshman year? Who kept changing the 'Welcome to Capeside' sign on Route Twenty-Eight for nearly six months without ever being caught? Drove the town crazy trying to catch the vulgar culprit?"
He blinked in surprise. Not one had brought that stuff up in years. Very few even knew he had anything to do with the sign prank. In fact, he could count on two fingers the number of people who knew other than himself. "Who told you about that?"
"Dawson," Drue replied with a shrug.
"Apparently nothing is sacred anymore," Pacey scoffed, shaking his head. "You know what? I'm not that same stupid kid. Like I said this morning, I have a final exam this afternoon, and I didn't work my ass off all year to blow it now. Go find some other sucker to include in your little scheme."
"You don't even know what my scheme is."
"Well, by all means, enlighten me."
"I'm heading out to a bar with this crisp hundred dollar bill," Drue said, pulling out his wallet and revealing the cash. "My father's idea of a birthday present. Creative, isn't it?"
His brows furrowed. He could've sworn the guy told him he was eighteen months ago. "When was your birthday?"
"I've got a fake I.D. and I've even got one for you," Drue said, ignoring his question.
Pacey tentatively reached out to take the I.D. from his hand. "David Kebo of Rhode Island? This is a picture of a short, balding Asian man in his forties. He's not exactly what you'd call my doppelganger."
"Are you kidding? That guy could be your twin brother. Besides, they don't even look at the picture. They don't even really care. They just want to see something. Come on. Do you know why I would like you to go with me, Witter?"
"Uh, because you don't want to drink alone."
"Well, yeah, but there's more. The bar that I'm going to, the Big Ace Saloon, lies in the shadow of your local community college, as I'm sure you recall. You remember my buddy owns the place? Mack. Loyal customer. Very loyal. You met him. Well, I just thought that you should, you know, spend some time there near the college. Then maybe you'd consider it as an alternative to your situation."
He stared for a moment. "My… situation?"
Drue fixed him with a devilish smile. "Your whole Boston situation. You know, with Joey likely becoming a shining star at Worthington, and you… hanging around… doing… who knows what. I mean, I imagine it'll really suck for you to have such a successful girlfriend who constantly has to explain whatever your deal is whenever you go anywhere together. Maybe you should consider passing on Boston and giving community college a shot."
With his stomach twisting itself into knots, Pacey focused on a distant table and clenched his jaw.
"Despite the stigma of failure and loss," Drue continued. "You'd be surrounded by good people, you know, smart people, people of substance. And at least you'd have a degree at the end of two years, something to show for yourself. What will you have after two years in Boston other than an increasingly embarrassed girlfriend who feels burdened by your inadequacy, and wishes she'd just cut you loose in high school?"
The knot in his stomach balled harder; a tightness squeezed inside his chest. "Look, I don't wanna have this conversation, and especially not with you."
Drue shrugged and stood up. "That's fine. When you finally get out of here, feel free to join me at the Big Ace Saloon. That's where I'll be."
"Gee, that sure sounds like a lot of fun, but I think I'm gonna pass."
"Well, it's an open invitation. See ya, Witter," Drue said before walking away.
Noticing he'd left behind the fake I.D. belonging to one David Kebo of Rhode Island, Pacey rolled his eyes as he scooped it up and shoved it in his pocket. The bell soon rang, dismissing lunch period, and he stopped at his locker to drop off his backpack. After shoving a pencil behind his ear, he made his way to the school gym. Desks had been set up spaced apart in rows for finals. His U.S. history teacher, Mr. Ringler, a short middle-aged man with glasses and graying blond hair, was at the front of the large room, sitting behind a table with a sign-in sheet, a container filled with sharp number two pencils, and neat piles of the exam.
"Take a seat, Pacey. Good luck," the man said after he'd signed his name on the sheet.
"Thanks, Mr. Ringler."
Soon the gymnasium was filled with the entire junior class, and himself, the lone senior. His teacher and a couple aides began to pass out the exam. Nerves fluttered in his gut, but he felt somewhat confident that he knew the material well enough. When the clock struck twelve-thirty, they were told to begin.
Three hours later, Pacey was pulling into his driveway. He retrieved the grocery bags from the back seat of the Wagoneer and carried them into the house. After popping open a can of Coca-Cola, he planted himself on the couch. His textbooks and notes had been placed on the coffee table in front of him. He had two finals tomorrow—English and trig. There was going to be a long evening of studying ahead of him.
Aboard the train, the two girls made their way through the cars until they found their row. Joey sat down on the aisle seat with her bag on her lap and looked around. As the train began to pull away from the platform, she turned to gaze out the window. Silent tears ran down Jen's face as the train left Grand Central Station. Joey's heart filled with compassion for her friend. It dawned on her that Jen, too, had suffered the loss of her parents, although in different way. Yet perhaps no less painful.
Her eyes blurred with sudden moisture. Blinking back tears of empathy, Joey reached over and grasped her hand. Their fingers laced tightly together. "I love you, Jen."
"I know. I love you, too, Joey," she murmured tearfully, her face turned away towards the window.
For the next half hour, Jen continued to cry while Joey sat beside her in understanding silence. Gradually the flow of tears became less and less steady until it finally ceased. After some time passed, Jen began to talk.
She told Joey of her plan to show up at her old house and leave a long letter for her father, believing him to have gone back to work. She was going to put it all down in writing, pour her heart out, but he was there. He hadn't gone back to the office after all. She'd found him asleep in an armchair in the living room, and when he woke, it was clear he had been drinking. She told Joey of the entire conversation, the confrontation over what had transpired six years ago on that Friday she'd come home from Grand Central Station, hoping to have the weekend with her dad all to herself.
"And I realized that I didn't need him to own up to what he did. I didn't need him to apologize. I didn't come back to New York looking for an apology from him. And I don't have to forgive him either. I just needed to come to terms with the fact that I'm not to blame. I was so young, and I was just acting out. They were cries for help, and they were ignored. I got worse and worse, and my father knew, and did nothing but send me away. None of that is my fault, and I have to forgive myself for being a messed up kid who made a lot of bad choices because of the pain I was in."
Joey threw her arm around Jen's shoulder and hugged her close. "I think forgiving ourselves is probably the most difficult."
It was almost seven o'clock when the train was nearing the Providence station. Once it came to a stop, they had fifteen minutes to run to the platform where they'd board the train for Hyannis. They made it just in time, and when they found their seats, they plopped down, breathless and laughing.
"You know what I've just realized?" Joey said once she'd caught her breath.
"What?"
"We never talked about prom night." She grinned knowingly, giving her a pointed look.
Jen blushed and snorted. "There's nothing to say."
"Oh, come on."
"I'm serious. Me and Dawson went up to his room sometime after three and then we stayed up talking for a few hours. That's it."
"That's it?"
"That's it. We watched the sun come up, and then we collapsed on the bed and slept for a while before we had to vacate the room. I'm sorry to disappoint, but nothing remotely sexual occurred."
Joey sighed. "Well, I'm sorry your night didn't go according to plan."
Pursing her lips, Jen thought for a moment and then shrugged. "You know what? It was nice. Just the two us, totally at ease and comfortable with each other, talking and laughing and just… enjoying the time together. I don't regret… not doing anything else. Sex probably would've made things weird, and I don't want Dawson going off to USC with weirdness between us. That's not how I want to leave things. His friendship means too much to me."
"I know exactly what you mean, Jen."
"I'm sure you do."
At quarter after nine, the train pulled up alongside the platform in Hyannis. The closer the train had gotten to their final destination, the more Joey had begun to feel restless. All she could think of was Pacey and how much she yearned to be in his arms again. Safe, protected, loved. Her whole body longed for his touch, her lips ached for his kiss. Her heart fluttered just at the thought of seeing his face, his warm blue eyes, his beautiful smile.
The two girls departed the train and began walking across the platform. Joey searched for her boyfriend amongst the crowd of travelers and their loved ones either collecting them or seeing them off. There was no sign of him on the platform. They continued on into the station itself, and they still couldn't find him.
"Maybe he's just a little late," Jen said.
"Yeah, maybe…" Joey agreed, although a deep sense of unease began to well up inside. He could've fallen asleep and woken up late, she told herself. Got too wrapped up in studying or watching TV and lost track of time.
"Do you want to call him?"
Shaking her head, she shrugged it off. "Nah. He's probably on his way. Gretchen's working tonight, so no one would answer."
"He could be waiting outside in the car?" Jen suggested.
"Uh, yeah… maybe." She didn't think that was likely, knowing Pacey. If he was there, he would've come into the station to get her. She knew it. Her stomach started to churn. Something wasn't right.
They made for the exit doors that would lead to the parking lot. After stepping outside into the cool night air, Joey hugged her jacket around her body and scanned the waiting cars. She watched loved ones reuniting or saying goodbye, luggage being loaded or unloaded from vehicles. None of them were the Wagoneer.
"Joey! Jen!" someone shouted. It wasn't the voice Joey had been expecting, hoping, to hear.
The girls turned in the direction the voice had come from and saw Dawson moving quickly towards them. He was smiling and looked happy to see them. Joey simply stared, at a loss for words. Why had Dawson come instead of Pacey?
"Hey," he greeted them with a smile. "I'm your ride."
The girls exchanged looks before Joey found her voice. "Why are you here? Where's Pacey?"
The smile on his face quickly disappeared. "Uh, well…"
"What, Dawson? What's happened? Why isn't Pacey here to get us?" Joey sensed something was terribly wrong. Fear was threatening to rise up and choke her.
He hesitated, and took a deep breath. "Well, apparently… Pacey has been arrested. There wasn't anyone who could cover the bar for Gretchen, so she called me to come pick you guys up as Pacey is… unavailable."
Jen let out a gasp of shocked laughter. "You're kidding?"
Stunned, Joey gaped for a moment. "Wha—" She pressed her fingers to her brow. "What do you mean, arrested? Arrested for what?!"
"I don't know. Gretchen didn't say."
"Well, did it sound serious? I mean, was he jaywalking or did he murder somebody?"
"Look, all I know is that his car was impounded, and Drue Valentine is somehow involved."
She scoffed. "Oh, that's just great. That's perfect."
"Maybe he murdered Drue," Jen quipped. "He could've run him over with the car."
"I can't believe this."
Dawson reached out and touched her arm in a reassuring gesture. "Joey, I'm sure he's fine. I mean, let's face it, he can be reckless and thoughtless. It's not like Pacey getting arrested is totally out of left field. Wasn't he voted Most Likely To End Up In Jail?"
Her eyes narrowed. How could he be glib at a time like this? Anger blazed as her face hardened and she clenched her teeth.
"Joey, I was kidding. Calm down."
"Don't tell me to calm down, Dawson. And you don't actually know if he's fine or not. Do you?" She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Look, let's just go, okay?" she said impatiently.
The thirty-minute drive back to Capeside was quiet and tense. When they reached the town's welcome sign, Dawson glanced in the rearview mirror. "Where do you want me to take you, Joey? The sheriff's station? They'll probably let you see him."
Her stomach bottomed out. "Um…"
"You want me to drop you at Pacey and Gretchen's place so you can wait for him there?"
"No, Dawson," she replied, shaking her head. "Just… just take me home."
The rest of the drive to the B&B was a silent one. The SUV hadn't even come to a complete stop in her driveway when Joey was unlocking the door and trying to get out. After Jen implored her to give her a call when she found out anything, Joey was hurrying inside the house.
Bessie was walking into the living room dressed in pajamas as she came in through the front door. "Hey, Jo. How was New York?" she asked, her voice full of excitement.
"Um… oh, it was good."
"Tell me all about it. What'd ya see?"
Did her sister not know what had happened to Pacey tonight? It didn't seem like it. "Well, we mostly just went so Jen could see her dad. Um, could we talk about it tomorrow, Bess? I've had such a long day, and I just walked in through the door, and—" groaning internally, she suddenly remembered her AP exams tomorrow "—I just have so much studying to do."
Smiling, Bessie nodded. "Sure, of course. We'll talk over breakfast, okay? I was heading up to bed, anyway. It's good to have you back home safe and sound." She pulled her into a hug.
"Thanks. It's good to be home."
"Okay, goodnight," Bessie said before heading for the stairs.
She stared after her sister with a growing sense of dread. The very thought of having to tell Bessie that Pacey was arrested made her cringe. She could only imagine the reaction, and it wasn't good.
After throwing her overnight bag on her bed, Joey walked back into the kitchen, grabbed the cordless, and dialed Pacey's number. While it rang, she glanced at the clock. It was after ten, so she knew Gretchen was probably still at work. When the answering machine turned on, she hung up the phone. Her mind made up, she snatched the keys to the truck off the hook on the wall and walked out the back door.
It wasn't long before Joey was parked across the street from the sheriff's station. She sat in the truck for some time, trying to compose herself. She sat motionless, tense and frozen with worry, sick with the realization that Pacey was in there, possibly sitting behind steel bars. Tears came to her eyes at the picture that came to mind. She saw herself as a thirteen-year-old girl arguing with Bessie as they walked into that same station only to be struck with the terrible shock of seeing their dad inside a holding cell.
For the next four years, that image of her father behind bars had haunted her nightmares. Only now, sitting there in the truck, anxious and afraid for another man she loved, did she realize it was the feelings of safety and protection that Pacey's love had given her that had driven the image from her dreams. And now a new image threatened to rise up and choke her. The thought of seeing Pacey behind bars was almost more than she could take.
After sitting there for an hour, Joey took a deep breath and got out of the truck, but she stopped. Suddenly crossing the street took on a whole new level of scary. She froze with fear, unable to make herself walk into the station and learn something horrible, something life-altering. Despite knowing Pacey was inside, probably anxious and scared himself, and knowing he needed her, she couldn't move. She couldn't bring herself to go in there. Fear and guilt warred inside her.
Just then the door to the sheriff's station flew open, and Pacey appeared. There he was, tall and brown-haired and handsome. Her heart lifted at the sight of him. He froze when he spotted her across the street. His relieved smile went wide at first, but then he sobered when he must've realized she was there for a reason and held her gaze.
He started walking fast towards her. He was inches away, reaching for her. His eyes, that brilliant shade of blue, were filled with such sadness a lump rose in her throat. Emotion threatened to overwhelm her, and then a moment later she was wrapped in Pacey's arms. She felt joy in their embrace, passion, and the warm all-encompassing feeling of love. But there was pain, too, and the desperate fear of losing him; there were the nights of emotional exhaustion and crippling anxiety, when she'd cried herself to sleep, sure she'd never be happy again; there was guilt and pain and anger over her father, because she loved him, too, she loved him still, but the betrayal cut so fucking deep; and there was worry over the future, of where their relationship was going, terrified it would just crash and burn, too.