Chapter 19

Not long after his session with Dr. Fitzpatrick, Bucky received a phone call saying that there was new intel on the HYDRA medical facility. The one they were sent out to break up, gather as much information as they could, and maybe a few scientists if they were lucky a few months back. The same one that had mysteriously been evacuated and mostly dismantled before they had arrived.

The same laboratory complex that Bucky admitted reminded him of the weapons factory in Austria; where he had initially been experimented on and given HYDRA's version of the serum back in 1943. This admission during debriefing had awarded him hours of questioning. As well as multiple callbacks on the subject. Even after all of that, it seemed SHIELD still had no leads. Until now.

He was instructed that he and Sam would be briefed on the assignment that afternoon and that the mission would take place first thing the following morning.

The briefing went smoothly. The intel and satellite images suggested that HYDRA had popped up in a rough area of Chicago. All evidence suggested another science-based operation, though no one was completely sure. It could possibly be the same one that had avoided them so narrowly previously, or it could be some other kind of HYDRA base.

Bucky and Sam were tasked to check things out and collect as much information as they could from the outside. If it was in fact the same operation that had packed up and left back in Washington, they were to go in guns blazing while the iron was hot. Not allowing them to give SHIELD the slip again.

Bucky was hoping that they had stumbled upon the scientific operation that they had only found remnants of. The thought of what HYDRA may be doing made him sick from the memories. He knew exactly what those bastards were capable of.

As he himself had been subjected to their experiments more than several decades before. He could only imagine what fresh horrors HYDRA had in store for their human guinea pigs. Or what they may be testing or formulating with the current technology that was available in the present era.

Since the mission was going to take a few days, no matter which way it went and would keep him away from a phone, Bucky decided to call Ella later that night.

Bucky still had no idea what, or when, their next date would be. Or if there would even be one. He wanted to talk to her. Make sure that she was still as interested in this as he had become.

Mostly, he just wanted to hear her voice.

After their joint briefing, Sam and Bucky had a workout followed by a rigorous training session. Subsequently, they headed back to the apartment and grabbed some take-out on the walk back. It was a good thing there was a great Chinese place between their apartment and HQ.

Later, Bucky waited, sitting on the idea of calling Ella. They hadn't spoken since the phone call that night after the bar. If he was being truthful with himself, he was afraid that she wasn't interested anymore. That one of the only good things that he had going for him was no longer a good thing. Or going for him.

The thought tore him up inside.

After dinner, Bucky retreated to his room and pulled up Ella's number. Which he had saved the night after their date. He hovered over the Call button for several minutes, going back and forth on whether to call her or not.

Finally, his curiosity and want to talk to her again overrode his fear and nervousness. He dialed the number.

It rang until her voicemail picked up.

"You have reached Eleonore Keehn. Please leave your name, number, and I will get back to you at my earliest convenience."

Bucky was still laughing after the beep of the machine had sounded.

"Your earliest convenience, huh? In that case, I hope that it's sooner rather than later. I'm going out of town tomorrow on a business trip and I wanted to talk to you. It's Bucky, by the way…. Call me."

He hung up the phone wishing he would hear from her before he left the next day. He certainly didn't want it to seem like he was blowing her off or ignoring her after contacting her. That would be more than rude.

It's not like he could just stop and have a casual conversation in the middle of a mission. Ella and her memory were enough of a distraction that he would be fighting to resist and control. He would have enough on his mind with this particular mission, including the thought of her, which was inevitable at this point.

By the time Bucky was ready for bed a few hours later, he still had not heard from Ella. He wasn't one to worry, but he had to admit that it was bothering him.

He was not accustomed to waiting, but wait he did. Finally, he gave up waiting and tried to go to sleep.

As was the norm, he found it difficult to fall asleep. The night before a mission was always the most difficult and he had enough issues sleeping already. Add on the anxiety of waiting for Ella's return phone call, and Bucky had himself a good old-fashioned case of insomnia.

To ease his restless mind and racing thoughts, Bucky pulled out a book that Sam had loaned him. He turned on his bedside lamp and began to read.

Before he knew it, he had lost track of time and it was already approaching midnight. Bucky groaned inwardly as looked at his alarm clock. He knew he had to get up in just a few hours. And who knew when he would be able to sleep again for the next few days.

Just before he was about to turn off his bedside lamp, his phone buzzed and lit up with a new text message.

"Are you still up? If you are, you can call me. If you want."

Bucky couldn't help the fact that his heart leaped and lodged itself somewhere near his Adam's apple at seeing Ella's name on the small screen. He took a second to collect himself. Maybe Sam wasn't right. He wasn't Doll Dizzy, instead, he seemed to have it bad for this one.

He pressed the little phone icon next to her name and held up his phone to his ear.

After a few rings, she picked up.

"Hey, Sailor. Are you decent? Mind if we video chat? I'm about to start something that I need my hands free for that I think you might like to watch."

Bucky was caught off-guard as he so often was when it came to Ella. This time it was the abnormal question. Each part of it was confusing and titillating at the same time.

"Uhhhh… Yeah. Sure."

He responded, still dazed, unsure of what to do or say.

"Awesome. I will call you right back." And then Ella hung up on him.

Bucky just looked at his phone in complete bewilderment. Then his phone lit up again. Only this time it wasn't the call screen. He could see Ella leaning on her forearms on a counter in what he suspected was her kitchen.

He somehow managed to answer.

Ella smiled at what he assumed was his appearance on her screen.

"You look so confused. It's cute. I should screenshot your face right now. Have you never done this before? Video chatted; I mean."

She grinned a crooked smile and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Nope. This is my very first time." Bucky answered with a slightly bashful smile.

"Well, I am proud to be your first. And I promise I will make it very special."

Ella chuckled and Bucky actually groaned. She was quick to change the subject and he was more than thankful for it.

"Well, as I was saying I am about to finish a project that A) I need my hands free for, B) is going to be messy, and C) I thought you might like to watch. Which brought me to this idea."

Ella gestured to the screen. And Bucky recalled something as he held up his phone in his hand so his camera got a better angle of him.

"So, Keehn huh? Like Peachy Keen?"

Ella put her head on her counter and Bucky heard a growl from deep in her throat.

"Yes. But that isn't my real name. Remember when I said I technically don't exist? That identity was created for me by the government. My real name is Eleonore Eckhart. But you won't find any record of that name anywhere either. It's been scrubbed."

Bucky considered her for a moment before he said anything. The gears in his mind turning.

"Is that so? Why would the government create a new identity for you? I like your real name better. Though this one has certain advantages. Mine is Barnes. Hasn't been changed, scrubbed, or anything special like yours has."

"James Buchanan Barnes, huh? It suits you. Though names should fit, shouldn't they? Do we make the name or does the name make us? As to why they created a new identity for me, that's classified information. I probably shouldn't have told you anything, but I did. I seem to tell you way more than I really should. Oh, well. No taking it back now. What advantages are you thinking of? By the look on your face, I bet it's no good."

"The advantage of having an unknown alias if something were to happen. The separation of your two identities. That kind of thing. You can probably paint a pretty decent mental picture. And what do you mean by the look on my face? Huh, Peach?"

Ella sighed and looked into the camera, effectively looking into Bucky's soul as he tried to keep a straight face into his own camera.

"How did I know that was coming? Please, don't call me that." Although she asked, it was halfheartedly. And the smile on her face gave her away.

"Nah, I like it. I think you make the name. Not the other way around. It suits you just fine, Peach."

Ella just tried not to smile as she regarded him through her screen. Then her expression changed to something Bucky couldn't read. Had his new nickname for her been the wrong decision? Did she not like it? Had he said something wrong?

She hesitated before speaking. And when she did, she was a lot quieter. And extremely serious.

"Since we are getting personal, I have a personal question. Is that how you got out of the Army?"

Bucky must have had a lost and confused expression on his face that mirrored his thoughts.

Ella tapped her left arm.

"That is one impressive piece of hardware you got there, Sailor."

It was only then that Bucky realized that he was only wearing a sleeveless undershirt. All of his scars and bionic prosthetic were in full view for her to see. The light from the lamp glinted off the black and gold vibranium. Mocking him further.

Ella noticed his look of horror and immediately launched into a rushed apology.

"I am so sorry; I did not mean to pry. You don't have to tell me jack shit if you don't want to. It is none of my business. We can talk another time if you want, or I can turn around if you'd like to put another shirt on."

Bucky quickly cut her off. It was bound to happen. Best to rip it off like a Band-Aid. In addition, he found that he didn't want to hide from her. He didn't want secrets.

"No, no. It's okay, Peach. It's not like you would never have noticed. But yes, I had an accident. I fell off of a moving train during a mission. This is my souvenir."

It was indeed how he had gotten out of the Army. That was not a lie. Though it was a lie by omission. He did not reveal any further details, like that it had probably happened around the time her grandparents had been born.

Before Bucky could think of another change of subject, Ella interjected.

"I noticed that you treat your left arm differently than your right sometimes. I noticed some time ago."

Bucky looked at the screen only to see her staring down at her counter. Tracing unknown patterns into its surface. Like she was saying something she thought she ought not to have been talking about or saying in the first place.

Like she was revealing a secret.

"What do you mean?" Bucky needed to know what she noticed.

"Well, I can tell your dominant side is your right side. But you seem to take it an extra step. You tend to not use your left hand nearly as much as what would be considered normal. Unless it's necessary. You are inclined to keep it separate. You don't use it to gestate as much when you speak as you do your right hand. That and the constant long sleeves and gloves, even in the summer, was a clue."

Ella paused but did not look up. Bucky knew she was looking for the right words. He also noted her last sentence. She had been watching him for a while it seemed. Long enough to know he wore long sleeves and gloves even through the summer. When she did look up, he was caught in her stare. Like she could see right through him. Steve's words echoed in his head. 'She will see straight through your crap.'

"It's almost like you are ashamed of it. As if you wish it were not a part of you. That it is very Other to you. I personally don't think you should look at it that way. It is part of you. I think it's beautiful. All of it."

Bucky was more than taken aback by how accurate and observant she was. He had never really thought about it, but as he did now, he realized that she was spot on. When he was hiding it, he did treat it differently. Then he thought about the last thing she said. How she thought it was beautiful. Yes, Shuri had done an amazing job. But its origins will always remain the same to him. Tainted and full of nothing but pain.

But Bucky couldn't get past the fact that what he considered one of the ugliest parts of himself, Ella found beauty in it. She had said in 'all of it'. He looked down at his left hand and tried to look at it with an objective eye. It was well designed, extremely functional, and was aesthetically pleasing for what it was. But he still couldn't see what Ella saw.

Ella brought Bucky back to reality by speaking again. She had been watching him the whole time he had been contemplating himself, his hand, her assessment of him, and her statement. The fact that he found himself more comfortable sitting here in front of her, with everything in full view, than he ever thought he would feel.

"I am literally paid to be this observant. Please don't let me freak you out."

Frantic for a diversion of focus he asked her the most mundane question he could think of.

"How was your day?"

Ella smiled a genuinely sweet smile, the apology still shining brightly in her eyes. Not oblivious to the obvious distraction. She looked as thankful for it as much as Bucky felt.

"Eventful."

"Tell me about it."

Bucky was sincerely interested in hearing what 'eventful' meant. What made today qualify for that description. He wanted to know what she did on an average day. To him, she was becoming the most captivating thing in his world.

"I don't want to put you to sleep."

Bucky smiled to himself. He leaned over and propped his phone up against his alarm clock and angled himself better on the bed. Now he could see Ella better, be seen by her better, and remain hands-free like she was. She must have propped up hers on something as well. The elephant in the room that was his left arm was completely forgotten.

"I doubt you could ever bore me to sleep if that's what you mean. Even if you tried."

Ella's eyes turned thoughtful.

"Well, I guess I'd have to start yesterday. I've been working on some data for work and I had a breakthrough sometime last night or this morning. Not exactly sure which."

"What kind of data were you working on? Have you really been up since yesterday? Do you even sleep?"

"What kind is strictly classified. What I can say about my work is that it's always like a huge jigsaw puzzle. Only half the pieces are missing, another good portion is damaged beyond all recognition, and I have no clue what the finished product is even supposed to look like. Yet, I solve the puzzles anyway. And I'm very good at it. Yes, I do sleep, but not much. My sleeping habits are not exactly important."

"That sounds like one hell of a perplexing puzzle."

Bucky was met with a sarcastic look from Ella.

"Say that five times fast. More like a huge pain in my ass. This one took me months to figure out. I'm used to my turnaround being about a month. And that's for the difficult stuff. It's a good thing I love particularly perplexing puzzles that are a pain in my ass."

Ella leveled him with a crooked smile and a meaningful and penetrating look. Bucky got the distinct feeling that she was also alluding to the fact that she was referring to him. She looked up and out of the camera's view, and went on.

"Most of my day was spent at the office going over everything, making sure I didn't miss anything and finalizing every possible detail. Then I came home, dirty iced a cake, and stuck that in the freezer to harden. I hit the gym, and now here I am."

Ella tilted her head to one side and gestured to her phone again. All while rolling her eyes as if talking about her day wasn't something she did very often. One thing, in particular, stood out to Bucky.