When Ahsoka finally flopped down on the couch, it was nearly ten in the evening. This wasn't very late for Ahsoka but for some reason, she was exhausted. She and Wheeler had stopped by the bank so Ahsoka could figure out how her account worked, and her brain felt fried. At least she was working on a full stomach. It was going to take a fair amount of self-control to not go to Ribsy's every week.
She had written down the number of credits in her bank account so she wouldn't forget it, and she pulled out a fresh piece of paper to try and figure out what she should do with what she had.
Her starting wage was nine credits an hour*, and since she had filled her forty-hour quota that week, with an extra two and a half hour rolling over to next week, she had earned 360 credits for her week of work. It seemed like a lot, but Ahsoka had a feeling that with taxes, bills, food, and other things she needed, it would go quickly.
First up was taxes. Since Coruscant was fighting a war, taxes were higher than they had been 10 years ago. Added all together, 9% of her wages went back to the government, which docked her down to just above 327 credits.
Next were her bills. She had no idea how much her bills actually were since she hadn't had to pay them yet, thanks to Ventress. She decided to set aside 150 credits for the week to save for things like water and electricity. Hopefully, since she was out of the house five days of the week, she wouldn't be spending more than 600 credits a month on bills.
What about food? She set her pen down and walked over to the kitchen, checking the fridge, freezer, and pantry. She had a few days of sealed food still in her cupboards, and they would keep for a while, but she was running low on fresh food, like fruit and vegetables. She had a couple of servings of meat left, but it was going to go bad soon, so she needed to eat it. That would have to be tomorrow's meals.
Ahsoka felt comfortable setting aside 100 credits for food, and she subtracted that from her total. Now, she was down to 77 credits. Not much, compared to what she started with. She was aware that she was overestimating at this point, but for now, she preferred to be safe rather than sorry.
One big advantage that Ahsoka had was that she didn't have to pay for transportation. She didn't have a speeder or ship, so she never had to pay for fuel. She didn't even have to pay for a train ticket or pass, because she ran to work every day instead. That was the only other thing Ahsoka could think of, so she pulled her saving list out from her hiding spot.
She crossed off 'holster' since she had gotten that this week. She still had a safe, tools, medical supplies, a new door lock, and a passport to save for, and looking around, Ahsoka added 'cleaning supplies' to the list as well. She didn't anticipate visitors coming over very often, but she didn't want to be living in a dump either.
Those had to come first. They would probably be cheapest, out of the six things she had written down, and the most necessary. Medical supplies were next. There was no telling when she would have to patch herself or someone else up. Ahsoka wasn't really sure what would come after that and started going back and forth between the lock and the tools. In the end, she decided it could wait, and she pulled out a third sheet of paper to start thinking of what she would need to keep her house looking decent.
Ahsoka didn't have much to take care of, thankfully. Ventress hadn't invested much in decoration, except for the furniture. She had one couch and one bed, but enough sheets that she could wash one set while using the other. The only other furniture was two chairs and the low table in front of the couch in the front room. Did her nightstand count? Maybe it did.
There were a few windows, though. She would need a cleaner for that, and probably a few rags to use for the counters. She had a broom and a vacuum in the closet, so the floors would be fine, as long as she didn't have to replace either of her tools. She was running out of dish soap, though. And what about the bathroom? She had been using a towel and regular hand soap, but that probably wasn't good enough.
Medical supplies were easier to think of. She had been hurt enough times to know what she normally used. Bruising ointment, rubbing alcohol, burn cream, gauze pads, anesthetic, stitching thread and needles, bandages, ice packs...all of the usual things. She could probably put together a personal med kit and throw it in her pack, in case she or one of the others got hurt at work. If Luce was foolish enough to bump into a hyperdrive while it was being repaired, then there would probably be other accidents.
Ahsoka had to admit, she would have been lost if it hadn't been for Ventress and Wheeler, who knew about moving underground and were willing to help her adjust. She couldn't imagine doing any of this without their help, or any of the others. What if she had come straight down here after her trial? She definitely wouldn't be where she was now. Now that she had a place to live and a job she was beginning to relax a little bit, but if she had tried to live down here a year earlier? Would she have even survived?
Satisfied with her progress and her new goals, Ahsoka fired up her HoloNet portal and searched for the news report from earlier that night. It wasn't hard, since it was being promoted all across Coruscant and probably the Republic too. She rewatched the report, listening for things she had missed earlier in Ribsy's.
Ahsoka wasn't positive that she was all for Chancellor Kanai quite yet. She had her reserves after Sideous, and it was hard to trust that she wouldn't do the same thing he had. She had to keep reminding herself that Kanai wasn't Force-sensitive, and therefore couldn't be a Sith, but it was so difficult, especially after not noticing Palpatine was a traitor until after he had kidnapped her. It was a lot easier to forget about politics this far underground, but she couldn't escape it completely.
She had no problem admitting that she didn't miss the Clone War, though. For the first time in four years, no one around her had died for a consecutive week. It was a blissful change, and Ahsoka tried not to think about how not everyone else could say the same. It was selfish to prioritize her own mental stability over the lives of who knew how many soldiers that had sacrificed their lives in the past seven days alone. She knew it was, but she was already responsible for so much death. It never seemed to get easier for her, she just got better at hiding it.
Now that she wasn't a commander for the Republic or the Separatists, she was thankful for it. After her training on Dromund Kaas, Ahsoka wasn't sure if she could trust her own judgment. Everyone kept saying that the Inquisitor was dead, even Anakin, but Ahsoka wasn't so sure. She had thought that after Anakin had healed her that it would go away, but she had still seen her old nightmare, and she still had the capacity to use the Dark Side of the Force. Even if she chose not to on a day-to-day basis, she still knew how to. That knowledge was sleeping, dormant in the back of her mind. All it would take was a bad day, or enough anger or hatred, and she could fall back into the Darkness. All it would take was one moment of carelessness and she would lose her control.
With her new allowance for emotions, she found herself drifting farther and farther from the Jedi Code. She had been taught for years that any emotion could be twisted as bait to the Dark side, so she had spent 13 years trying to fight them down. No anger, no hate, no love, no joy, no sadness, no anything. Ahsoka hadn't done a very good job, but she had tried. Now, she wasn't trying, and no one was preventing her from acting on what she felt. What if she accidentally took it too far? She had managed to keep the Darkness in check, buried deep inside her where it couldn't hurt others, but she doubted she could keep it up forever.
Ahsoka crossed her legs and sank into meditation. She needed to regain her focus. Setting down her lists and her pen, she retreated into her mind. She didn't clear her head of emotions, but she didn't focus on them either. In order to avoid both the Light and the Dark Sides of the Force, Ahsoka chose to focus solely on it, and not on herself.
She could feel it flowing around her, just like it always did. Instead of coming from places like the Temple, or from nature, since there was none in the Lower Levels, it came from the only life down here, people. Whether they knew it or not, the Force was a part of them, just like it was a part of her. She felt their presence, however weak, and focused on the nature of what she felt. They were truly disconnected from Light and Dark since they couldn't manipulate the Force. They were what Ahsoka wanted to be, on neither side of the Balance. Their emotions and their actions didn't affect their place in the Force, they just existed.
Could Ahsoka be like that? Was it possible for her to remove herself from the Balance and just be, or was she too far on her journey that she couldn't turn back now? Did she have to choose a Side, or forever be battling to avoid both of them? Would she always have to live in control, keeping her instincts and her thoughts in check, so she wouldn't hurt anyone else? She didn't know.
Ahsoka tried, though. She focused on the population of Coruscant and tried to learn from those who did not know they were teaching her. If it was possible, then the answer would lie in them, not in her. She was not a Jedi, and she was not an Inquisitor. She was a civilian, nothing more. A mechanic, trying to learn to live. If she was going to put her past behind her, that was who she would have to become.
*The way I am designing the credit system is that 3 credits = $5. So Ahsoka is making about $15 per hour, if that makes sense.