Zuko paces nervously in his chambers, thoughts a million miles away, or however far away Sokka's ship is. He's the leader of an entire nation, for spirit's sake, and Sokka has been one of his closest friends for years, so there's no reason to be nervous. He just wants everything to go perfectly. He's been excited for this day for weeks, but now that it's here, all he feels is anxiety. Zuko worries that things aren't going to be the same when he sees Sokka again. What if they've grown apart? Two years can make all the difference in the world.
Zuko takes a deep breath trying to push down his fears. He doesn't have time for this; Sokka is supposed to arrive soon from the South Pole and he has to get everything ready. He contemplates asking one of the royal stylists to do his hair but quickly reminds himself that he doesn't have anyone to impress. Zuko throws his long hair up quickly (he doesn't mind a few loose hairs) but decides to forgo his crown hairpiece. His advisors and stylists always hate this, they say it looks "undignified" but he knows Sokka will make fun of him if he wears it. Despite his worries, he decides to wear some of his best robes, a deep red with a gold collar and gold cuffs. Making a distinct effort not to double-check his appearance in the mirror, Zuko exits his chambers and greets the guard at his door.
"Hey, Suki."
"Hi, Zuko," Suki says, looking him up and down. "Aw, did you dress up for Sokka?"
"What? No!" Zuko says, defensively pulling his robes around him.
"And now you're embarrassed, that's so cute!" she says, poking him in the ribs.
"I'm the Firelord, you should really be more respectful," he says, effectively changing the subject. Suki just laughs. He sighs; she'll never give him a break.
Sokka has been stuck on this death trap of a ship for weeks and he can confidently say that flying bison are the best kind of transportation. Appa was definitely much better than this hulking mass of metal. He owes that big beast an apology for all the complaining. Unfortunately, Katara and Aang are taking Appa on a "romantic getaway." Just thinking about it gives Sokka the oogies. He misses traveling through the sky, but mostly he misses traveling with his friends. He even misses Toph and her incessant teasing.
Upon further rumination, he decides that he misses Zuko most. Only because he hasn't seen him in almost two years, of course. The fluttering in Sokka's chest when he thinks of Zuko must just be caused by the rocking of the boat (he decides not to think about the fact that he has spent countless hours on the water without any such flutters.)
An announcement comes over the ship's intercom telling passengers to gather their possessions. They are approaching the Fire Nation. Sokka shakes his head, banishing his confusing thoughts about his friend. He gathers his belongings which are, admittedly, few. He has his boomerang, obviously, and some first aid supplies Katara forced on him. None of his thick Water Tribe clothes are exactly appropriate for the Fire Nation's heat and humidity. He only has one tunic that would be suitable in public. He outgrew all of his old Fire Nation clothes long ago.
Sokka makes his way up to the deck with the rest of the passengers, trying to keep a low profile. He left his hair down while he was getting ready because he knew his signature wolf tail would be easily recognizable. This trip to the Fire Nation is supposed to be relaxing, but the interrogations about the War and his friendship with the Avatar that always seem to arise when he's in public, even now, wouldn't exactly be conducive to tranquility. Remarkably, his primitive disguise seems to work and he manages to get off the ship without any problems.
Zuko can't go to the dock himself to greet Sokka, because he doesn't want Sokka to be too overwhelmed by people and curious stares. Instead, he sends Suki (sans warrior paint) to bring Sokka to him. He feels like an idiot just wandering around the palace waiting for his friend to arrive. While he walks aimlessly, he finds himself among the portraits of his predecessors. Some of his advisors suggested he remove the paintings of Ozai, Azulon, and Sozin, but he insisted on keeping them up. He doesn't want to forget about them; if he did he might make the same mistakes they did.
Zuko stands, as he often does, staring at Ozai's face. The face that tormented him for years. The face that told him he was lucky to be born. The face that burned him. The face that banished him from his home with an impossible mission. The face that reminds him of the worst things about himself, the things he never wants to be again.
He moves away from the portraits and towards the kitchens. None of the staff is surprised to see Zuko enter. They've gotten used to the Firelord's random snack runs at all hours of the day and night.
"Good afternoon, my lord," says Mo, his favorite cook. It has taken Zuko a long time to get the staff to relax around him. He spent months trying to show them that he wouldn't hurt them or banish them, or otherwise maim them. A few of them are still nervous around him, but most of the fear has dissipated.
"Hi, Mo! And please, like I've told you a hundred times, you can call me Zuko," he says, taking a seat at the counter.
"Alright then Zuko, what'll it be today?"
"Just a cup of tea for now, please." Zuko prefers to brew his own tea, but it usually confuses the staff, so he relents every once in while and lets them do their jobs.
"Coming right up, my lord- I mean Zuko."
As Zuko is finishing his tea, (which is good, but nothing compared to Uncle Iroh's) Ty Lee pops her painted face in the door to tell him that Sokka's ship has been spotted, approaching the dock. Zuko scrambles out of his seat much faster than he would like to admit, nearly knocking it over.
"Relax Zuko, Suki's going to get him, but it'll probably be a few hours. The ship's not even here yet," Ty Lee says. "Plus, the carriage might be shaking on the way back if you know what I mean!" she adds with an exaggerated wink.
Zuko's stomach drops and he fears for a minute that his lunch may be making a reappearance. Fortunately, he manages to keep it down. He's certain, well almost certain, that Sokka and Suki have been broken up for a long time. Suki's been teasing him relentlessly about all his fawning over plans for Sokka's visit. Maybe she was just kidding, knowing she would monopolize most of his time. Logically, Zuko knows that Ty Lee was probably just being silly, but that doesn't stop the unfamiliar feeling rising up inside him.
Sokka finally makes it off of the ship. He's glad to finally be on solid ground. Zuko told him that Suki would be waiting with a carriage to take him to the palace. He looks around for her familiar face in the crowd. Soon he spots her standing casually against a pole, eyes very far away. She hasn't noticed him yet so he decides to have a little fun. He manages to creep up behind her without being seen. When he reaches her he puts his hand on her shoulder, making her jump. When she realizes who it is, she pulls him into an aggressive hug.
"It's good to see you, even though you're a jerk!" says Suki when she releases him.
A huge grin spreads across his face. "Yeah! It's been too long! I'm surprised you didn't see me coming from a mile away! What happened to your 'impeccable warrior senses?'"
"My warrior senses are in perfect shape, thank you very much. I could have toppled you if I wanted to, but I decided to let you keep what little dignity you have left for your visit with Zuko."
"I changed my mind: I never missed you," Sokka deadpans before breaking into a grin again. "I'll let you off the hook for now, but you will have to tell me what it is eventually."
Suki pretends to be nonchalant. "What are you talking about?"
"You're going to tell me what or who has got you so distracted that you didn't see me coming."
She can't hide her sly smile. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
Zuko paces back and forth near the side entrance of the palace. It's been hours and he still can't stop thinking about what Ty Lee said. Overthinking has always been one of his best skills. Is it possible that Suki and Sokka got back together without telling him? It's definitely conceivable. In their letters, he and Sokka never discussed their romantic lives (or, in his case lack thereof). Sokka's letters were mostly full of ramblings about Katara and Aang or Toph and her metal bending students or new inventions that Zuko hardly understood a word of, even when he could decipher the handwriting. Suki had only been mentioned in passing.
Suki has been pretty distracted and smiley lately; Sokka could certainly be the reason why. Zuko shakes his head, dismissing the intrusive thoughts. He takes a deep breath to steady himself. If only Iroh were there. He'd have some prophetic tea metaphor to help him understand the storm inside his head.
"Careful Zuko, you'll wear a hole in the carpet," says a voice behind him.
Zuko spins quickly on his heel to see Suki behind him. "Where's Sokka?" he asks, running up to her.
"Wow. 'Hi Suki,'" she drops her voice in a very poor impersonation of his. "Oh, hi Zuko, thank you for acknowledging my existence," she says dryly.
"Yes. What you said. Where's Sokka?" Zuko asks again, shuffling his feet impatiently.
Suki laughs. "I left him in your chambers."
Zuko dashes down the hall, not taking time to question why Suki's decision to drop Sokka in his room.
"Go get him, pretty boy!" she calls, still laughing.
Zuko shakes his head, confused, but continues toward his bedroom.
Sokka sits awkwardly on Zuko's bed, flipping his boomerang over in his hands. He wonders if Zuko will look different when he sees him again. Sokka certainly does. He's grown at least three inches and stubble now lines his jaw. Zuko had always been just a little bit taller than him, but Sokka wonders if that's still the case. He finds himself hoping that Zuko still has a couple of inches on him. If he decided to dwell on it more, this realization would confuse Sokka. Usually, he wouldn't want to lose anything to Zuko, even something that's not really a competition.
Sokka's thoughts are interrupted by a cartoonish crash outside the door followed by loud cursing in a familiar rough voice. Sokka is already on his feet and at the door by the time Zuko rushes in. Zuko smiles nervously for a moment, suddenly very interested in his shoes. Sokka, however, is not in the mood for hesitation. He dashes forward and hurls his arms around a surprised Zuko who immediately hugs him back. After a notable amount of time, they break apart, grinning.
"I can't believe it's really you! It's been so long!" Zuko says, looking Sokka up and down. "And you look so different!"
"It really is me!" Sokka raises his boomerang. "I've got the boomerang and everything."
Zuko laughs and pulls Sokka in again. Any nervousness either of them may have felt disappears and is replaced with a giddy feeling that has both of them grinning stupidly.
They take a moment to study each other. Both of them have gotten taller, but Zuko still has Sokka beat in that department. Sokka can tell how long Zuko's hair has gotten, even now in a messy top knot. In spite of the changes, it feels as if no time has passed.
Zuko leads Sokka around a corner towards the kitchens, knowing he must be starving (like he always is). All the cooks have already gone to bed, so it's just the two of them. Sokka immediately goes for the leftovers, prompting a chuckle from Zuko.
"What?" Sokka says, his mouth full of beef and noodles.
"Nothing. It's just that you haven't changed a bit. You're still as single-minded as I remember." Zuko says, hopping up onto the counter.
"Hey! I'm not single-minded! I just know how to prioritize."
Sokka hops up onto the counter next to Zuko, their knees knocking together. He still slurps noisily at his noodles, unfazed by Zuko's look of judgment. Sokka sees him staring. "Want some?"
"Yeah, I guess." Zuko shrugs.
The next thing he knows, Sokka chopsticks are at his mouth and he's feeding him. Zuko finds it much more difficult to swallow than usual and then he's choking and Sokka's thumping him on the back.
"Are you ok, man?" Sokka asks once the coughing has subsided.
"Fine," Zuko manages to grunt, embarrassed.
They sit without speaking as Sokka shovels noodles into his mouth messily. When he's done, Zuko takes the bowl to the sink and begins washing it.
"You do remember that you're the Firelord, right?" Sokka smiles. "I'm sure you have people to do that for you."
Zuko shrugs. "I don't mind. Besides, I don't want to make any extra work for the staff in the morning."
"Have you ever left a mess in your entire life?"
"I'm beat, how about you?" Zuko says, ignoring him.
Sokka yawns, as if on cue. It really has been a long day.
"I'll take that as a yes." Zuko takes him by the wrist. "C'mon I'll take you to your room."
Sokka follows him out of the kitchen and down one of the many identical hallways, presumably toward his room. They reach two doors directly next to one another and Zuko ushers him into the one on the right. Sokka barely bothers to look around the room before he kicks his shoes off and flops face-first onto the huge mattress. Zuko stands over him, arms crossed.
"Long day, huh?" Zuko asks.
Sokka groans. "You have no idea. That ship was horrible."
"At least you got here, right?"
Sokka rolls over and smiles. "Yeah, and now that I'm here, you better be ready for a great time."
Zuko nods happily and bids him a sleepy goodnight.
Zuko lay in his bed flat on his back, the sheets unwrinkled and his hands folded neatly on his chest. He always starts off like this (probably a product of his strict upbringing) but every morning when he wakes up the sheets are tangled and his limbs are askew, when he can sleep at least.
Zuko stares at the ceiling planning out tomorrow in his head. He doesn't know why, but he really wants to impress Sokka. He knows that Sokka's previous experiences in the Fire Nation were defined by violence and danger. He himself has plenty of bad memories of his home. But, Zuko wants to show him the best parts of the city. The food. The people. The buildings. And, if he disregards modesty for a moment, himself. He wants to replace Sokka's bad memories with happy ones of the two of them. He can imagine showing Sokka all his favorite places and Sokka loving them just as much as he does. The thought makes his stomach do some embarrassing acrobats.
Zuko continues to stare at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts, for what feels like hours but is probably closer to twenty minutes. Finally, he submits to his insomnia and gets out of bed, reaching for his robe. He walks out into the royal courtyard attached to his room, the place where he spends most of his sleepless nights. One thing is different tonight, though. A dark figure sits on the edge of the large central fountain, staring at the moon. Although no serious assassination attempts have been made during Zuko's short time as Firelord, Zuko would normally assume the worst. But tonight he does not fear for his safety in the slightest. The intruder's posture is familiar, even after years.
"She looks really beautiful tonight," he says, but the figure is not surprised.
Sokka briefly turns his head before looking back up at Yue wistfully.
"Yeah, she really does," Sokka says quietly. He doesn't know how Zuko knew what he was thinking.
Before Zuko arrived, Sokka had been talking to her, as he often does. Usually, he just tells her about his days, nothing interesting, really, but lately, he's been talking about Zuko a lot. Even though he and Yue had never met, Sokka thinks that they would have gotten along really well; both of them, young royalty with inflated senses of duty and honor.
"Are you ok?" Zuko asks, breaking him from his thoughts. Sokka nods slowly. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I seem to remember you saying something along the lines of 'that's rough buddy' last time I talked to you about Yue."
Zuko has the good grace to look sheepish.
"I promise not to say anything," Zuko proposes. "How about that?"
"You drive a hard bargain, my friend, but I would only agree to that if it was permanent." Sokka jokes half-heartedly.
"Shut up! I'm being serious," Zuko whines, punching Sokka on the arm.
Sokka quiets down. "Okay, what do you want to know?"
"I don't know. I guess just tell me about her." Zuko says, moving to sit next to him.
Sokka looks up at the moon, recalling the time before Yue lived in the sky.
"She was -no, is, she's not gone." Sokka takes a deep breath.
"She's so beautiful, inside and out. She didn't even hesitate to sacrifice herself for everyone else, even when I begged her not to go. I mean, she was just a kid, but she was so strong and wise. She didn't need anyone to protect her, but everybody wanted to. And in the end, I couldn't protect her. She had to make her choice without me."
He pauses for a moment and sees Zuko's intent expression. "I wish- I wish sometimes that she hadn't gone. That she was still here. She never got to grow up. The Yue in my memory will always just be a teenager, even while I keep getting old. And I worry that, by moving on with my life, I'm- I don't know- betraying her."
He puts his head in his hands for a long moment, but Zuko doesn't rush him. "I feel so guilty sometimes, that I'm here and she's not. There are a thousand times I could have died since then, and I'm still here, spirits know why."
Sokka stops, his voice catching in his throat. Zuko reaches over to put a hesitant hand on his shoulder.
"Don't say that!" Zuko blurts before he can stop himself. "You're here for so many reasons. You lived to end the war -make no mistake, it would have been impossible without you- but so much more than that. You lived to love Katara and Aang and Toph and Suki and everyone else. You lived for your tribe. You lived for Yue, too, because she had more important things to do. You still live for them. You're allowed to miss her and still understand that she did what she had to do and you did what you had to. You're not betraying her with your happiness; you're just trying to heal- trying to live. It's alright, Sokka, I promise. It's alright."
He trails off. Sokka stares at him for a moment, clearly baffled. Zuko begins to get nervous, but before he can mutter an apology Sokka speaks.
"You promised you wouldn't say anything," Sokka says, his tone unreadable.
"Oh uh yeah... sorry," Zuko mumbles, scooting away from him.
Sokka laughs. "Relax, I'm kidding. That was actually really nice. You must have spent more time with Iroh than I thought."
Zuko's shoulders relax and he leans back toward Sokka. "I hope that's a compliment."
"It is, but you did leave out one thing," Sokka says, turning to face Zuko. Zuko furrows his brow. "You forgot about you. I live for you too." Sokka keeps smiling, seemingly unaware of Zuko's beet-red face.
Zuko can't think of a good way to respond. Apparently, he has reached his quota for wise words for the day. Instead of saying anything, he just decides to pull Sokka into a tight hug. Sokka seems a bit surprised but immediately hugs him back. After a few seconds, Sokka hugs him tighter, tugging at the back of his robe. Then Zuko finds himself being thrown unceremoniously into the fountain.
He rights himself, surprised and Sokka worries that he might be angry, but a huge, devilish grin breaks over Zuko's face and he lunges for Sokka, pulling him into the water. They both come up laughing and grinning like idiots. Zuko realizes that he hasn't laughed like this in ages.
Sokka runs, stumbling through the shallow water, around the pillar in the middle of the fountain trying to escape Zuko's watery fury. Zuko tries to go after him but ends up falling face-first into the water. Sokka foolishly extends his hand to help his friend and Zuko takes this opportunity to pull Sokka down in the water next to him. Sokka pulls himself up onto the edge of the fountain, his expression blank.
"I take back everything I said, you're a jerkbending jerk," he says, but his tone is amused. Zuko just throws his head back and laughs.