Fun Fact!
I am actually a model and a photographer and I specialize in self-shot photography.
The vast majority of these photos actually exist and I am the subject of every single one of them. I either modeled the photos or took and modeled them myself.
I have changed a few of them slightly to better fit this story and my OC.
Chapter 29
"Before we head in do ya'll have any questions about this room? Don't want to leave any stone unturned." Ella asked as she put a hand on her hip, looking up at the canvases.
"Did you paint these yourself?"
"Yes, Sam. I did. I did everything besides printing the photos and framing them. I of course had help with some things while taking the photos, but we will get to that later. Now for the main event."
Ella walked into the main gallery and Bucky found himself in front of the black and white photos of Ella in the slacks and suspenders again.
He thought that he would feel more awkward standing in front of photos like this next to the woman who not only took them but modeled them as well. But he didn't. He was able to look at the prints almost unseeing of their exposed nature.
Instead, the Ella standing next to him held his attention. Until it was drawn away by two people a few series down from them. They were the only group of people left in this part of the gallery and they were talking amongst themselves.
What grabbed Bucky's attention was not them, it was the fact that they were stifling laughter. Which was highly unusual in this gallery considering the subject matter. Not one frame on display was funny. Bucky eyed them both intently.
They were both men in their early to mid-20s. One was wearing a checkered shirt, jeans with suspenders, and a belt. A fashion disaster even he knew to avoid. The man also had long hair that he had up in a bun on the top of his head. A twat knot, as Ella had called it at the coffee shop. He had a full beard and mustache that were perfectly groomed and styled.
The other man was almost the complete opposite. He was sporting a rather long and scraggly beard that was in desperate need of a wash. It just needed to be shaved off, period. His overall appearance was much more relaxed and grungy than the other man's. He was still wearing his black coat which he had not checked at the entrance, which struck Bucky as odd and set him on edge. He was not able to get much of a view of what this other man was wearing since his coat was fully buttoned and was down past his knees. He only knew that the pants the man was wearing were dark blue or black.
As Bucky eyed them both Sam and Ella took notice of them as well. Bucky realized that these two men were standing in front of the series of photos where Ella was covered in honey. And they were laughing to themselves. Then something one of them had said reached all three of them.
"And she could stand to lose a few pounds. She'd be a lot sexier if she did."
Bucky bristled, ready to take the son of a bitch down. When Ella grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. An order. She then turned to Sam and spoke clearly and concisely. As well as loud enough for both of the other men to hear her.
"All men seem to want is a skinny bitch. Until you go and smack her ass and it sounds like a goddamn screenshot."
Bucky looked from the disgusted faces of the men who had a moment ago been calling Ella fat, to Sam who was now doubled over laughing.
Ella just looked down at Sam, then back at Bucky with a completely innocent expression on her face.
"Was it something I said?"
A sparkle of humor shone in her eye as Sam struggled to breathe.
Once he had righted himself and caught his breath, Ella turned to him.
"Now, these photos are paired with these." Ella pointed at the armored and weaponized portraits next to them.
"They are based on how I ideally see myself. My self-image. Spoiler alert. The last photo set on the other side is how I literally see myself. These are how I see the two most major parts of my personality. The two most polarizing aspects of it anyway. The dapper gentleman who also happens to be a scoundrel, and the wild woman that can and will kill you."
"I thought these two were connected. But I thought it was only due to the hyper-masculinity and femininity" Sam offered.
"You also have a point there, but that's only part of the whole. Like these two sets are part of my whole. I am very faceted, as you already know Bucky, so there are many aspects of my personality represented covertly in many of the series that I curated for this show."
"Why the crossdressing though?" Sam asked.
Ella looked at him like the answer was more than obvious.
"If I were a man, posing shirtless like that, there would be no discussion here. Since I am a woman, it makes all the difference. Why it's such a big deal and a big difference, I will never understand. I've seen plenty of men with boobs bigger than mine."
As Ella spoke, they slowly moved toward the series after the Viking Warrior set and Sam burst out laughing again.
Ella led them to the next set. This one was of the angel and the demon with the apples. The one Bucky had so many questions about. When they were positioned in front of them, he started asking the questions that were on his mind.
"What is the significance of the red and green apples? Does it matter which one has which?"
Ella smiled and stood in front of him and Sam, between them and the two portraits.
"Are either of you aware of cinematic symbolism? Well, the apples are one of the oldest and most well-known. The red apple is always in the hands of the antagonist. Take Snow White for example. What color was the poisoned apple? Red. The green apple is always in the hands of the protagonist. Now, take another look and tell me what you see."
Bucky looked closer and described what he saw.
"I see an angel offering a red apple, surrounded by angelic light. While the demon is keeping it for herself, looking like she is about to take a bite, surrounded by hellfire and darkness."
"And what does that tell you given what I just told you about the apples?"
Bucky looked past Ella again.
"The angel is the antagonist. Offering what is most likely a poisoned apple. The demon is the protagonist. Keeping the apple for herself instead of sharing. You could also take it a step further and go biblical. The color of the apple in the Garden of Eden, the apple of knowledge that damned Adam and Eve, is depicted as red. The angel is offering eternal damnation."
Ella looked at him with a blank expression before she raised her hands and started slow clapping. Then she spoke. First in English, then German.
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions. No one has ever made the biblical reference and connection before. Very, very good. I knew I liked you for a reason. "
Bucky was still trying not to seem too happy with himself as Sam elbowed him in the ribs again as they followed Ella to the next set.
Which was the angel wing shadows deteriorating.
"These are pretty straightforward. The fall from grace. The fallen angel. The descent into losing yourself figuratively and literally speaking."
"I knew it!" Bucky exclaimed.
"Seems you two were discussing my work? Let me know when you were right and when you were wrong. I want to know how you interpreted my work without me here to tell you."
She took another look at the three photos before they moved on.
"I like how my ass looks in those photos." Ella said more to herself than to them.
Bucky couldn't help but smile to himself and sneak a quick peek at her in that dress. She did have a great ass.
The two men who had made the rude comment were now down in front of a set of photos where Ella lit herself on fire. Bucky was keeping a close eye on them. Something about them set his teeth on edge. And it wasn't just their comments. He just plain did not like them. They were no good.
He heard them conversing again and one of them said something he wasn't sure if Sam or Ella had heard, but he had.
"Well, that solves the problem of the butterface issue, but that would leave her body all scarred and deformed. Even if it would burn off that few pounds, I wouldn't want to touch it after that. What a waste."
The monster in Bucky's head growled. He did his best to pretend he hadn't heard anything as Ella stood in front of the photos with all the honey. The one those two men were commenting on the first time. Bucky didn't see how Ella losing any weight would change how sexy she was. She was gorgeous.
Bucky was brought back to the present by Ella asking a question.
"What did you boys think about this set?"
"I think Sam asked me to remind him to ask you about this set. He found it intriguing."
Ella directed her attention to Sam as Bucky kept his eye on the two ingrates making their way down the gallery away from them.
"Is the honey a metaphor for something? In the first two photos, you seem to be playing up the sexual aspect of it. Then you get to the last one and everything changes. Bucky noticed the change of pose was completely different than the first two and the look on your face and in your eyes was also contradictory to the first two."
Now Bucky chimed in.
"I see the last one as being stuck. The honey is a mess and hard to escape from. I thought of a fly in honey. It will die before it ever escapes."
Ella looked at them both with a smile on her face.
"You two are perceptive. This was by far the messiest and hardest shoot I have ever done. It took me weeks to clean that mess up in my studio. Fun fact: it's not honey, it's Karo syrup colored gold to look like honey. It would have been the most expensive shoot as well as the messiest had I used real honey. That shit got everywhere!"
Bucky and Sam laughed. Ella sighed.
"It's also a metaphor for depression. It's slow and sticky and if you don't get yourself out of it you end up like the last photo. Stuck and unable to free yourself. It's unassuming at first, then it slowly engulfs you. You may be completely unaware that it's even happening. That's the hidden message here. You were close."
"You suffer from depression?" Sam asked.
Now it was Bucky's turn to elbow him in the ribs. That was a highly personal question. Bucky then thought about where they were and what they were surrounded by. Maybe it wasn't such a personal question after all. Considering the circumstances.
"Yeah, among other things. You get a more detailed look at that later in the show. Thought you might have picked up on that. It's a running theme. Mental illness is a big part of who I am."
Ella walked away from them and Bucky just stood there. Feeling like a total ass. Thinking back now, he had not noticed the fact that the mental health theme applied to Ella in a literal sense. He was too busy seeing other aspects of her work and merely the metaphorical meanings. Not some of the literal ones.
He probably missed more than half of what every photo meant.
Bucky caught up with Sam and Ella at the gasoline series.
All three of them took a moment to look at the series again before Ella elaborated on it.
"This set comes from the fact that I want to set myself on fire sometimes. It was also inspired by song lyrics. This was the only set I had to involve the local LEOs on. Taking a gas can full of water and dumping it on yourself tends to attract unwanted attention. I had uniformed officers right outside the frame to keep anyone from freaking out."
That was something Bucky had not thought of before. How she had managed to pull these off in public without causing a scene.
"What song inspired these?" Bucky asked.
"The song is called Gasoline, fitting I know, and it's by Halsey. But it's fitting in more ways than the title."
"I know that song. I'll play it for you later, Buck." Sam interjected.
"This set took the longest to shoot because I couldn't seem to get a shot where no one was staring at me in the frame. I'm talking about hours. People like to stop and stare. One of the reasons I hate shooting in public on location. No matter how awesome the photos turn out."
Ella made a disgruntled face at talking about it.
"I'm guessing the flames were added in post-production?" Sam inquired teasingly.
Ella smirked.
"No! I actually set myself on fire multiple times that day. Of course, they were added. I like to do all of my work inside the camera if I can. Some things are just impossible, though. Like setting myself on fire or turning into a real angel or demon."
Ella was interrupted by the two men, again. They were further down in front of the shibari photo. Bucky turned and saw the one with the dirty beard say "Let me come in behind her all tied up like that. She won't be able to run."
The men's laughs cut through Bucky like a knife. The disgust he felt almost made him sick again. He went to step forward when both Sam and Ella put their hands on his shoulders. Holding him back. He had to fight with himself to keep from throwing them off and recreating some crime scene photos of his own.
Ella leaned forward over his shoulder and whispered into his ear.
"There are always a few men like that that wander in and cause problems. Always. They are drunk and not worth our time or effort. Kicking their asses would be doing them a favor. Just ignore them."
Then in Romanian " For me, love? "
Bucky turned his head slightly, not taking his eyes off of the scumbags.
"For you, my dear, anything." He responded in Russian.
"Thank you. Now, onto some of my favorite photos that I have ever taken."
Ella walked forward while Bucky stood back and watched her. Sam did the same, only he was watching Bucky.
"Man, you two are something else. You have it bad for each other. Yet, you're still dancing around, almost afraid to make a move. I wonder why that is. Either way, quit making me feel like such a third wheel. And what's with all the languages?"
Bucky kept standing there watching Ella look up at her photos. Her dress was perfect. The leg poking out of the slit in it only made it more appealing.
"She speaks more languages than I do, Sam. And I think you want us to keep to languages you cannot understand for certain things."
Bucky walked off to meet up with her as Sam stared at both of them. Just shaking his head. Bucky missed the look Sam gave him and Ella before he met up with them. He was thoroughly enjoying watching this odd dance they were performing.
Sam wondered to himself how low it would take before they took the leap and got together. He didn't think it was going to be long. Tonight was a huge step. He could see it. Something had changed with Bucky between the time he and Bucky walked into this gallery and them walking back out of it again.
"These are by far my favorite photos I have ever pulled off."
"How much is post-production and how much is real?" Sam asked.
Ella walked up to the first portrait and pointed at the candles closest to her neck and hair. About two or three on each side.
"These are the only ones that were not lit during shooting. They were lit to let the wax melt. All of that is real. And it took around three hours for just the shoulder guards."
Ella moved to the middle one and pointed to the candles along her spine.
"These were all lit. I must have laid there for two hours before this photo was taken."
Sam posed another question.
"Is there any meaning behind these photos? We had an idea."
Ella looked back at the photos as she responded.
"Stillness. Patience. Fortitude. Resilience. Immobility. Stagnation. Sluggishness. These are all double-edged swords. On one hand, it's good to be still and patient, but on the other immobility leads to torpor if taken to the extreme."
"We came to the stagnation conclusion. At least that's what Bucky saw. As well as the want to move despite the motionlessness."
Ella turned to Bucky.
"What made you think that?"
Bucky went to the middle photo and pointed at Ella's extended arm.
"That. It looks like you're reaching for something. It's an implication of movement."
"Impressive. Highly intuitive and even more observant than I thought. I underestimated you. Both of you. I am pleasantly surprised at how much you've picked up on without knowing about any of this beforehand. Care to lead the way to the next set?"
Sam led the charge this time. When they arrived at the next series of photos, Bucky started to get uncomfortable. But he hid it well.
These were the photos of the Plexiglas case.
Ella quickly launched into an explanation before either Sam or Bucky could say or ask anything.
"This was a highly technical setup in the studio, but the meaning is very simple. I feel like I'm on display for everyone to look at and talk about, to poke and prod. I'm different in many ways and that will always set me apart from almost everyone around me. Sometimes this feeling goes away, sometimes it is compounded."
Ella looked at the photos again, focusing on the last one of her banging her fists against the plexiglass trying to escape. Bucky had the impression that something wasn't quite right with Ella, but before he could say anything she turned and briskly walked off towards the next photo set without another word.
Sam and Bucky quickened their pace to keep up with her. Even in those killer heels, she was fast on them.
Ella was smiling up at the photos then looked at the pair of them as they reached her. She raised her eyebrow playfully at them.
They walked together to the series of photos showing Ella as a mermaid with a black oil slick tail in a giant fish tank.
'Now, what did you think about these?"
Ella's smile was expectant and her eyes were bright.
Bucky spoke up first remembering what Sam had said about them.
"I think Sam said something along the lines of 'This makes as much sense as trying to keep a mermaid in a tank.' And I must say I agree with him."
The smile on Ella's face grew.
"That is part of it, but not the whole story. This one is more metaphorical than it is literal. It's how I view labels. Or if someone is trying to put me into a box and make me fit. Or stifling my creativity. It's all like keeping a mermaid in a fish tank. It makes no fucking sense."
"If you try to keep a mermaid in a fish tank she will eventually die, or worse, she won't. She will be trapped in a prison too small and inferior to keep her, miserable." Bucky said absentmindedly.
"Ding ding ding ding!" Ella said melodically.
"Notice their progression. Do you see how it goes from contentment to escape?"
Sam and Bucky looked back at the series of photos. Paying closer attention to each frame as they progressed.
"I will never be happy in a box or stuck within a single label. I am as fluid as my work. My art and creativity ebb and flow. My moods and mental state do the same. As long as I am free, I am happy. But sometimes I feel just about as free as those photos make me out to be."
Both men regarded Ella and the photos respectively.
Bucky took what she had to say to heart, looking at her more than the pieces in front of them. She was indeed a mermaid that was not intended for a fish tank. The question he was now asking himself was could he keep her happy?
His answer kept coming to a resounding 'yes'.