24 January, 1744

Dearest Jenny,

I hope you are well. I meant to compose this sooner, but you would not believe how busy we are here in Paris. Jamie is always meeting with potential customers for wine, and I'm always being invited to some social gathering or another - or tending to the lads. But you know how that is. I must say, being a mother is everything you told me it was and more. The two lads are perfect in every way, and they look just like Jamie. I couldn't have dreamed of a better outcome. I hope that someday, you shall meet them. Whether or not we will return to Scotland will always be up in the air, but of course, you, Ian and the bairns will always be welcome here.

I wanted to thank you personally for the gift of the apostle spoons - they are most lovely, and Jamie is most glad to have his wooden snake from Willie again. Jamie says that the spoons are an heirloom, passed down from generation to generation. I can envision Archie someday using the spoon with his confirmation namesake to stir his tea. I only wish a better name was chosen for Brian - the Archbishop of Paris chose it for him without even asking us as they did for Archie. I suppose it is because they believed Brian was in need of a different sort of blessing. He is very sickly, but he is holding on. I've been giving him a mixture of herbs to help him - rosemary for blood circulation, as I often find his lips and fingernails have gone a bit blue; hawthorn to also help with his heart. Marshmallow leaf to help soothe his lungs in hopes of making breathing easier for him, and the smoke from a pipe of thorn apple to open his airways. All of these things seem to be helping him short term, but only that.

I must wrap up this letter. I know that it's terribly short, but Jamie has a letter going out and if I do not include this, I will not be able to send it until next week. I hope to see you soon, Jenny.

Your beloved sister,

Catrìona Fraser

28 January, 1744

Jared's House, Paris, France

"Just a moment, Cailean," I heard Jamie say to my brother, and then I heard his footsteps in the hall just outside the door before the door opened. I was sitting at the vanity brushing out my hair, something I didn't like Suzette to do, and Jamie crossed the room to bend down and kiss my cheek. "We'll be leaving shortly, and it could be yet another late night." At this, I let out a huff.

"Does Charles no' have anything better te do than keep ye from yer home and yer family?" I asked him.

"I fear that the prince has run out of patience with yer husband," Jamie informed me. "Last night, he demanded I finally arrange that meeting he wanted with Minister Duverney, and he wants it subito . That's Italian fer 'right away'."

"Oh, is it?" I asked. "Does the prince ken that it's only been a week and things like arranging a meeting with the bloody Minister of Finance of France take time?"

"Ye ken royalty, mo ghràidh , they are used te things coming to them right away. I've informed Charles that I can only do what is in my immediate power. I may be a nobleman, but the Minister of Finance does not see just anyone on a whim. I've told the prince this, but he does not seem te care. He insists I make an appearance at Versailles."

"Easier said than done," I replied, running the brush through my hair.

"Louise is in the Court. Perhaps ye could convince her to invite us at tea today," he told me, sitting down on the stool behind me and wrapping his arms around me. "I wish I had a moment with ye… but I must away." Oh, did he now? It had been about a month now since he last touched me, and needless to say, I was getting a little frustrated. I was doing my best to be understanding, but I missed my husband and I missed his body. I missed the feeling of him inside me and the sound of his moans as I pushed him to the edge and back. He tightened his grip and hugged me tightly, then kissed my cheek and stood up again.

"Jamie," I said, turning around to look at him and taking his hand. "I love you." A soft smile grew on his lips.

"I love ye, too," he said, and then he bent down to kiss me. "I shall see ye tonight. I have a government inspector coming to inspect the warehouse, I have more meetings with customers and potential customers, and then more blethering with that loon of a prince. I suppose stopping the rebellion is worth losing a bit of sleep."

"Ye've lost a bit more than sleep, Jamie," I told him, still holding his hand. I glanced down at it, running my fingers over the still healing scars.

"I'll be all right," he told me with a smile on his face. He kissed my forehead, and then bent to kiss my lips again. "Give Louise my best." I nodded as he stood up straight, then he gave my hand one more affectionate squeeze and then he was out the door. Not long after, Beth poked her mousy brown head into the room after knocking on the door.

"Mistress, are ye sure ye want te bring the lads? They're sleepin' fine now," she said to me, and I let out a sigh.

"Louise insists that she wants to see them, and I'd like you there with me, so they'll have te come, too," I said. "I'm sure she'll have a place fer them te sleep."

"If ye insist, Mistress," said Beth, and then she curtsied and was on her way.

Louise's House, Paris, France

"Oh, quels beaux bébés! You are lucky indeed to have such beautiful children!" Louise exclaimed as she admired Archie, who was lying on the settee beside his brother. Louise was dressed in a very ornate and elaborate rococo robe, her fair hair pulled back into a neat bun. She stood once she was finished and suddenly called out. "Mary! Petite chose timide , do come here at once! You must see Madame Fraser's beautiful children!" From the doorway on the opposite side of the room emerged a very young-looking, short girl with mousy brown hair hair and her brow knitted in permanent fright. "Catrina, this is my dear friend, Mary. Her uncle is a man who does business with my husband."

"A-a pleasure, Mistress," said the young girl in an English accent.

"Mary, if you will fetch some fruit for Colette, I would be most grateful!" Louise said to her, turning on her heel and sitting down on a chaise lounge. "And do change into that robe I had left on your bed. Nothing under it! Aller! " Mary curtsied to us and rushed out of the room. "Such annoying girl. I do regret my pledge to her uncle to chaperone her around Paris. Such a bother!"

"She seems kind," said Beth, who was standing beside a large cage. Inside of the cage was a small brown monkey, who was reaching for Beth to give her a finger.

"It is a shame she has to be caged up," Louise said with a dreamy sigh, looking at the cage with the monkey inside of it. "Colette is a cute little rascal, but she has a tendency to bite." When she heard that, Beth quickly withdrew her finger and stepped away from the cage, causing Louise to laugh. "The bite of a man is desirable, but the bite of a monkey? Not so much." Louise then picked up a small bell and gave it a ring, and a servant girl entered the room. "Marie, do bring Mademoiselle Beth and les bébés to the nursery. They will be much more comfortable there."

" Oui, Madame," said the dark-haired girl, giving Louise a curtsy. "Come, mademoiselle. "

"Here, let me help," I said, picking up Brian while Beth picked up Archie and then setting Brian in her other arm. She gave me a quick handless curtsy and then followed Marie out.

"Tell me, Catrina, do you wish to have your hair waxed?" Louise asked me when we were alone.

"I beg yer pardon?" I asked, having only half heard her.

"Waxed! The hairs on your legs! Hairless legs and a hairless mount do make the men go mad with lust!" Louise told me. "Come, I have extra robe. You can use my room to change! Fleurette! Viens tout de suite!" Before I knew it, I had been changed into an elaborate emerald green robe made of silk, completely bare beneath, and I sat awaiting my turn to be rid of hair while watching Louise grunt and squeal, then playfully smack, as a man brushed hot wax onto her legs and ripped it off. "Mary! You fearful little child, stop hiding and come at once!" Meek little Mary emerged from behind the door dressed in a mustard-coloured robe, her arms wrapped tightly around her midsection. "Stop clutching yourself as if you were on display at a slave market!" She squealed again as the man pulled another strip of wax from her leg.

"B-but I'm as g-good as naked," Mary said meekly, and Louise laughed.

"Must I drop my robe and show you what naked means?" she asked the young girl, who's eyes widened as she rapidly shook her head.

"P-please don't," Mary said, her eyes quickly darting to the ground.

"Lift your head, child! Allow me to introduce this lovely Scottish woman, Lady Broch Tuarach, Catrina Fraser," Louise told her, gesturing to me, and Mary curtsied nervously.

"M-Mary Hawkins, Madam," she said shyly.

"Mary Hawkins? I feel as if I've heard that name somewhere," I said curiously, and Mary's eyebrows raised in surprise.

"I… I don't believe we've m-met," she said to me.

"Perhaps no', hm… It'll come te me somehow. What brings ye to Paris, Mary?" I asked the young girl.

"M-My Uncle Silas is here on business," Mary replied.

"Mary is going to marry the Vicomte Marigny! A widower of means," said Louise, squealing as another strip of wax was removed from her leg. Mary's eyes widened even more and her jaw fell open as she looked at Louise with shock.

"I-I'm what?" she demanded of Louise.

"Oops! I have forgotten you did not know," said Louise, and then she held up a hand to the man with the wax. " Accorde moi un instant, " she told him, and then she stood.

"I-I cannot marry a Frenchman!" Mary exclaimed.

"Oh, do hush! You will be wealthy beyond means! And why a girl so soon to be so wealthy cannot manage a smile is beyond me! Were I you, and I once was, I would be thrilled! " Louise told her.

"The Vicomte Marigny?" I asked, trying to recall some of the faces of French society I had met in my short time here in Paris. "I may have seen him. The name, I believe, is familiar. I think he's a customer of my husband. Is he the older gentleman with all the…"

"Warts? Oui ! But what are warts when you have so much wealth?" Louise asked, and then she sat back down on the chaise lounge, waving to the man with the wax to continue.

"And Mr. Silas Hawkins has arranged the marriage?" I asked, and Louise replied in an affirmative squeak.

"A most fortunate union, in spite of the difference in age," said Louise. Mary had gone silent, and Louise giggled girlishly. "You will be grateful soon, when you see what wealth you will acquire!" I didn't know what to say to Mary to make the situation better. My marriage had been arranged, but my husband at least was my age, and very handsome. He wasn't wealthy, but that didn't matter, and we'd already begun our relationship by sharing a few kisses here and there. Mary's situation was much different from mine, and she was still so young. "Tell me, Catrina, how are you enjoying Paris? I hear it is nothing like Scotland!"

"Indeed no'," I answered. "I grew up on the islands of Scotland, so bein' in Paris so far from the sea is so… different. The smells are different, as is the pace."

"Yes, indeed! I have been to la mer, the air is so delightfully salty! I do love the sea. You must miss it so," she replied, letting out another squeal as the hair on her legs were ripped out by yet another strip of wax.

"Aye, I do. It's so simple compared te Paris… I remember hearing aboot Versailles and wonderin' what such riches looked like, as I'm certain it's nothin' like what I ken," I said, trying to find a way to slip in Versailles.

" Oui, Versailles is magnifique! Have you been to see it yet?" Louise asked me. This was my chance to score an invitation.

"I've no' had the pleasure. My husband and I were hoping te make our debut in Court, if we could. We will be here fer some time, and we ken that Jamie's cousin, who owns the wine business, is a member of Court," I said.

"Ah, Monsieur Fraser is indeed. You must have your introduction! You will accompany me to Versailles, then! Le Roi Louis does love to have a ball on St. Valentine's Day. You will accompany Mary and me," said Louise. She squealed again with another wax strip and playfully smacked the man who was doing the wax.

"That would be verra wonderful! Thank ye kindly, Louise. Perhaps I could bring my husband as well?" I asked her.

"If you must, though you would have more fun without him," said Louise, her eyebrows raised in a teasing manner. I'd almost forgotten how casual sex was here in France, and it wasn't uncommon for married men and women to have affairs - I recalled suddenly that Louise was in the midst of an affair with Charles. "I shall make you an appointment with Madame Tabanou, she will make you a dress fit for a queen!"

"I think I should get dressed," said Mary suddenly, standing to leave, and Louise stopped her with a loud noise.

"You will do no such thing!" she hissed at Mary. "Your legs are hairier than Colette's, and no Frenchman will suffer to bed a monkey!"

"Y-you say such h-horrible things," Mary said meekly, and she sat back down.

"Smile! You have made a new friend, and you have learned that you are to be one of the wealthiest women in Paris! Don't worry, you will likely be a widow soon!" said Louise, and she squealed again as the last strip of wax came off of her leg.

" C'est fini, " said the man, and Louise let out a dramatic sigh of relief.

" Je remercie le Seigneur! " she exclaimed, and then she opened up her robe and spread her legs wide, revealing herself to both Mary and I. Mary's eyes widened in shock, while my eyebrows raised slightly - I was no stranger to female genitalia, having practiced midwifery with my mother when I was young, and delivered a few bairns in my time in the eighteenth century. "But such incredulous faces! Has no one told you? In Paris, a hairless mount is de rigueur , and the men find it absolutely irresistible. " The man began to spread the wax on the hairs on her mons pubis and she let out a relaxed sigh. "It's so warm and so comforting when being put on, but so painful when it is pulled off. Such is life!" The man ripped off the strip of wax, and she let out a very loud scream.

Later that evening, as I waited for Jamie to return, I relaxed in my room with a warm wet cloth resting over my own pubic area - I had a rather thick bush, and it was so painful coming off, but the warmth of the wet cloth that I had dipped in hot saltwater was helping, and I let out a relaxed sigh. Suddenly, I heard voices echoing off the walls and I quickly removed the cloth and put it in the bowl and then dove into bed, climbing under the covers just as Jamie entered the room. I stretched and turned to look at him, smiling at him. "Sorry to wake ye, lass," he said to me.

"Dinnae fash, I hardly ever sleep when yer no' with me," I told him, watching him as he undressed. "How was your day?"

"Busy, te say the least. Charles is dissatisfied with how slow things are going fer him. Please tell me ye managed to get us an invite to Versailles," Jamie said as he pulled off his breeks, leaving him in just his shirt.

"That I did. There will be a ball on St. Valentine's Day, and we will be accompanying Louise to Versailles and be introduced at Court," I told him as he climbed onto the bed.

"Mmm, good," he said to me, hovering over me and kissing my lips, and then he climbed under the covers. "I missed ye today. I hated leavin' ye this morning."

"Well, yer here now," I said, taking his hand in mine. I kissed his knuckles, then brought his hand down beneath the blanket to rest it on my thigh. Taking the hint, he smiled and began to slide his hand upward, his fingers brushing against me. I let out a sigh, and he paused, his eyes wide.

"Catrìona, what have ye done to yerself?" he asked, surprise laced in his voice. "Yer honeypot… is bare. " I couldn't help but laugh. Honeypot? What a word for the female genitalia!

"I'm aware of that," I said through giggles. "I was there when it happened, and I'll tell ye now, I'll certainly never forget it." I raised one hand to cup his cheek and brought his face nearer to mine to kiss him, then brought my hand to his and dragged it down my legs. "I also did these."

"How verra strange, te feel a woman's legs be as bare as a newborn babe's," he said. "Aye, tha's bad enough, but te rid yerself of such a lovely forest…"

"I thought ye might be intrigued. It's different, and Louise said that a bare mount makes a man go mad with lust," I told him.

"Different, indeed," he said, running his hand over my legs, then met my eyes with curiosity laced in them. "What… what must it look like?"

"Why don't ye have a look and see fer yerself," I said to him. Clearly curious, he pulled the blanket down and lifted my shift, his eyes wide with newfound discovery as he examined my hairless appearance.

"Aye… It's more complicated than it looks thatched over," he said with amusement, and then he shifted so that his head was near my hips and bent his head to kiss my thigh, his fingers dancing over the newly smooth skin. "Verra smooth…"

"Do ye like it?" I asked him, my arousal thick in my voice.

"Yer a verra daring woman, mo nighean, " he replied, pressing his lips to my thigh again and giving my skin small kisses as he worked his way up towards my source of heat. "I suppose that makes me a verra lucky man…" He lowered his lips to surround my point of pleasure and I arched my back, letting out a soft moan of pleasure as he worked his magic. He hadn't kissed me there in months, and to feel his lips there again… and his tongue , oh God…

He broke the connection and crawled back up to me, pressing his lips to mine and allowing me to taste myself on them. He then sat over me, one of his hands moving south to grip his member in his hand to help himself harden up… but without success. He let out a frustrated grunt and tried again, and eventually, I just rested my hand on his to stop him.

"It's all right," I told him, although I couldn't completely hide the hurt I felt at him going soft at the sight of me. He clearly saw this and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment, so I sat up and wrapped my arms around him, pressing my lips to his neck. " Tha e ceart gu leòr ," I whispered to him, repeating that it was all right. "Let's just go to sleep. It has been a long day fer us both." Jamie didn't answer me, clearly ashamed, and I brought him down onto the bed, my arms wrapped firmly around him. I kissed his brow, but it was of no comfort. He was clearly humiliated, and my pride had been stung.

1 February, 1744

I awoke to snow on the windowsill - a fine way for Mother Earth to wish me a blessed Imbolc. It was chilly in the room and I got up, wrapped a robe firmly around myself and stood to stoke the fire, which had gone low. I stood and sighed, glancing back at the empty bed, and then went to the window to look out at the city. A fine start to my twenty-third year, I thought to myself. Alone, cold, and trapped in a city that felt more like a prison. A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts and a servant girl by the name of Evangeline entered, curtsying to me with a tray in her hands. " Bonjour, Madame, " she told me, her blonde capped head still bowed. She set down the tray of food on a table and stepped back. "There is a note from Monsieur Fraser. "

" Merci , Evangeline," I told her. She curtsied again and left, closing the door behind her. I sat down at the table and picked up the folded note, lifting the flap to find a note scrawled in Jamie's handwriting:

My love,

I wanted to wish you a happy birthday in person, but I was called away, and I did not wish to wake you. You are so beautiful and peaceful when you sleep. It would not have felt right. I promise you that I will wish you a happy birthday properly when I return this evening.

Your loving husband,

Jamie

I smiled at the kindness of the note. Jamie had been struggling so much with showing me affection since the incident with Randall, so to hear that he had plans for the evening warmed my heart. I spent the whole day floating on air, only to learn that Jamie would be late in coming home that night. Once I received that news, I buried myself in the nursery with the lads and spent my day with them, eventually falling asleep with Brian nuzzled against my chest on the settee. When I awoke, it was dawn, and I set Brian back in his cot and returned to my room, finding Jamie dressing for the day.

"Catrìona!" he said. "I'm sorry, I didnae want te disturb ye."

"I wish ye had," I said to him rather unhappily. "I'd have rathered that if it meant bein' with ye."

"I ken, lass. I'm verra sorry," he said. "I must go, but perhaps we can try again tonight?"

"Hmph. Maybe," I said, crossing my arms across my chest. He came to me from across the room and pressed his lips to my brow.

"Dinnae fash. I promise I'll make it up to ye," he said with a smile, and then he was gone again.

That was how we spent most of the time between my twenty-third birthday and preparing for Versailles. Besides the few appointments with Louise's dress designer, Madame Tabanou, and tea with Louise and her friends a few times, everything for me just became so… domestic. I supposed that wasn't a bad thing, considering the last eight years of my life had been nothing but chaos, but I wasn't used to it. In addition to that, I was caring for two bairns who were six weeks old, one of which was clearly unwell and I couldn't do anything for him except give him herbs… It was becoming stressful and frustrating, and Jamie wasn't there to help me or to just be there.

Every night was the same, every day was the same. He was out with the prince, making friends and experiencing a life, while I was stuck at home being invited to parlours and teas being asked to participate in senseless gossip about Madame LaCroix's string of lovers or rumours of Madame Garnier participating in the dark arts. None of the gossip was useful, and I envied Jamie for his ability to find purpose. Yes, I had a purpose as a mother to my sons, and I loved them very dearly, but the majority of the time, all they needed me for was feeding - Beth took care of the rest.

I couldn't help but feel that I was all alone, invisible to the crowd that surrounded me.